/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>7042062
I just use a spoon

>>7042062
I'm not even trying to be edgy but I kekked too hard at this

>>7042062
I've seen quite a few pictures like this involving avocados
how is that even possible

>>7042074
have you ever actually read any /ck/ posts?
people are retarded

>>7042081
this

I thought this was common sense

>>7042074
People try doing this >>7042090 but with the tip instead of the edge of the blade.

>>7042062
I have no experience with avocado. What was he trying to do?

>>7042066
So do I. What the fuck is this knife shit.

>>7042100
Trying to remove the pit. He overestimated the amount of force required and drove the knife through his hand. It's better to lay the avocado down on a flat surface and give the pit a little tap with the blade.

Why not just use a spoon?

Fell into a fryer.

>>7042135
how the fuck do you fall into a fryer?

>>7042135

A couple days later.

>>7042122
Are you retarded? That knife did not go through the pit you utter moron. It slipped and went past it. Holding the avocado in your hand is perfectly safe if you use the right technique.

>>7042139
Looking very Feddy Krueger-ish.

>>7042062
ohh fuck that's a bad cut

>>7042138

Cleaning an empty fryer next to a full one without wearing any required equipment. Slipped, oops.

>>7042139
Are you fat or did it swell up that much?

>>7042157
Not fat at all, but my hands are a little chubby. They definitely swelled up even more tho.

>>7042062
>general

>>7042202
tfw women in a kitchen is like watching a monkey tryng to fuck a football

>>7042202

>>7042202
She could've just held the knife by the handle.

>>7042202
What the fuck is this from?

>>7042202
This was terrifying, but I didn't know how to open a coconut either. Now thanks to youtube, I do!

>>7042278

>>7042290

>>7042271
I just use a chisel and a hammer, or knock it on something until it cracks then pry it open. How are you supposed to do it?

>>7042062
>Jesusenjoysanavacado.jpg

>>7042294

>>7042294
what is wrong with this?

it looks like something cute you'd see at a wedding

>>7042295
circular saw

>>7042299

>>7042301
I guess if you're at a basic bitch wedding

>>7042305

>>7042301
i don't want to eat fruit with tiny gay plastic dicks fucking it

why not just serve with a glass of moscato
much classier

>>7042294
I don't get it.

Are those suppository applicator ampule things the chef converted into moscato injectors?

>>7042316
I honestly don't know what they are, but I'm not against the idea. What about a chocolate sauce injected into a regular strawberry?
Like with a syringe, not a tampon.

>>7042294
what's the fuckup here? It just seems ill advised all around.

>>7042323
>>7042316
They just look like disposable droppers used in biotech or something. Its actually bordering on creative desu.

>>7042316
Pretty sure they're short little pipettes.

>>7042338
except it looks like a chemistry experiment made of prophylactics

>>7042301
>>7042332
For some reason I though this was a food gore thread not actual gore, didn't look at the OP long enough.

>>7042299
Damn, that looks comfy.

>>7042202
>brace for amputation
>brace
>brace
>brace
>no fucking payoff

Fuck you, you wasted sixty seconds of my life.

>>7042202

>patiently waiting for something that didn't happen

just fuck my life up, bruh

>>7042062
>/ck/ related fuck-ups
Edgar and bbq king ?

>>7042310


Oh god not again plz.

>>7042139
that looks tasty, did you try eating a little bit?

>>7042210
more proof that women are inferior at basically everything. Men are better cooks on average

>>7042436
Dumb bitches, amiright?

>cut avocado for composed salad
>cut right through the seed
>sit there digging the fucking seed out
>ruin avocado cuts
>slice it
>straight through the skin

you know what? fuck avocados.

>>7042278
Gotta always wrap your dog.

>>7042466

>>7042416
>>7042429
I dunno, I think it's more entertaining that they've somehow managed to keep their fingers. It's like magic.

>>7042471

>>7042478

>>7042338
>>7042341
Pastry chef here
Most of the time they're made of sugar and therefore edible. Although I'm not sure about these since the sugar's usually filled then immediately served so it doesn't dissolve. This looks like it's been sitting there a while and might be plastic or something.

>>7042430
kek

>>7042483
really? I figured they put those in there to soak up juices so they arnt soggy/melting through the chocolate

>>7042074
Using the tip of the blade. Using excessive force with the other hand right in the way.

>>7042294
>When a crime lab caters a party

>>7042074
suprisingly soft avocado pit + idiot = shredded hand

>>7042141
Or you could just put it down and completely avoid risk altogether

>>7042478
This is fucking savage

Why does this board exist.

Fucking americans

>>7042139
medium raw, just how it should be

>>7042202
Best way to crack open a coconut is tapping it with a cleaver while holding it with your hand. People in Asia do it all the time. They dont whack it, more like knocking it while turning the coconut. Don't even need a sharp cleaver, a blunt one could work too

>>7042573

This works great. The important thing is WHERE to whack it. Pretend the coconut is a globe and the points are the poles. You want to whack it along the equator. A few solid taps and it will crack in half with minimal effort.

>>7042062
>massive tit half out of frame

>>7042592
Goddamn you're right, it's a woman. Why would I think otherwise?

>>7042141
He didn't say that it did go through the pit. He said he tried removing the pit with the tip, which would be most easily done by using the knife as a lever. Calm down, son.

>>7042202
>HOLDING THE KNIFE BY THE BLADE

>>7042202
Poor knife, it did nothing to deserve this abuse.

>>7042248
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L0bAc6mc5GM&t=2m10s

>>7042622

haha, The look he gives her at the end is priceless.

not really my fuck-up, but...

>coworker tells me he's heating some oil in a pan at my station
>tells me to put in a piece of sea bass in a couple of minutes
>leaves the pan for about ten minutes on high heat with olive oil in it
>FoH asking about sea bass
>another coworker gets annoyed and puts in the sea bass
>hot oil splashes on me and the annoyed coworker
>pic related

>>7042640
meant to say "tells me to put in a piece of sea bass WHEN HE TELLS ME TO"

the little faggot forgot to tell me to.

>>7042294
>>7042620

?

>>7042640
It shot a dry spaghetti noodle right through your forearm? Damn, son.

>>7042640
From your image I thought it was a dude with an uncooked spaghetti noodle through his arm.

Like "HOW DA FUQ?!"

>>7042648
that's just an extension cord but i kekd m8

>>7042139
Is it healed up? Tell us how it happened.

>>7042622
WTF

>>7042135
>>7042139
Sick burn, dude.

>>7042640
How annoying

>>7042663
indeed

>>7042663

you'd have to be a fucking idiot to throw a piece of wet fish into a ripping hot, smoking pan of oil without turning the heat source off first

>>7042674
There is a surprising number of idiots in this world, better get used to it.

>>7042674
the annoyed coworker didn't know how long the pan had been on the heat. don't diss the annoyed coworker plz

>>7042646
Yes, that is the same image.

>>7042062
i generally hate this kind of stuff but the fact that the avocado is still stuck to the hand is hilarious

>>7042744

>>7042622
>wearing flipflops

>>7042454
>>7042436
>>7042210
how cruel.

>>7042817
>wasted avocado
>hilarious

>>7043035
>implying that the avocado is inedible

>>7042062
Now this guy has small bits of avocado imbedded in his hand tissue..

OP is clearly boobed. Why do we all keep calling her a guy?

>>7042622
>>7042202
Holy shit. This is unreal.

I mean, I assumed it was common fucking sense to keep you fingers away from the blade of a knife and NEVER point the fucking thing towards yourself.

The end of that video was fucking tragic.

>>7043035
eh, the knife went through avocado then hand, just cut off the cado and it should be good

>>7042294
Would it not be easier to do this with a hypodermic needle?

>>7043098
Please tell me this is the thesis of a new Marvel superhero. Guacca, the Hipster savior of San Francisco! Once a misogynist NEET, he was irrevocably changed by a kitchen accident; now he helps the PD catch criminals with his unlimited supply of avocado pits. After a long day, he likes to unwind by making enchiladas with plenty of guacamole for his BBW feminist roommates while they have sex in the living room with their black boyfriends.

>>7042622
THEN SHE TRIES TO OPEN THE CAN WITH THE KNIFE

AHHH

>>7042542
Different anon

All you have to do is take a decent chef's knife and

>cut lengthways around the avocado stopping at the pit as you slice through the meat
>twist the avocado apart
>take the half with the pit in one had (pit up)
>take the length of the knife, carefully and gently pop the blade into the pit (keep your holding hand's thumb clear
> twist the pit clear of the avocado half
>if you do not have enough purchase on the pit when you attempt to break the pit clear of the avocado half repeat step three
>scoop avocado meat clear of the rind

>>7043286
That's a woman in the OP. I always thought it was a guy too.

>>7043100
Fat man hands.

So how do you all open a coconut?

I usually just put it in a bag, go outside, squat down and start smashing it off the ground.

>>7042481

Adding some water to chocolate when temping it can be used to create some pretty cool things. Like I remember seeing a video of Heston temper chocolate but then added water to use it in a tiramisu later.

>>7043315
i have one of these giant ass Rambo 4 machetes, 2 whacks on the side of a coconut with the back of this and its in half

>>7042622
>the part with the can
It just gets fucking worse. Fuck me is this a social experiment where they transplant the mind of a toddler into an adults body and see how far it gets? Who the dicking fuck doesn't know what a can opener is?

>>7043315
i use a hammer and make a hairline crack around the middle and break it open

>>7042622
FUUUUUUUCK

>>7042622
all she had to do was ask where the can opener is.

I cut myself while cooking yesterday. Knicked myself with a dull knife while chopping butternut squash. Didn't even draw blood.

>>7043301
Wow thanks Anon, now with this newly aquired knowledge i can proceed to conquer the universe and spread this ancient secret to others!!!
>totally not sarcastic,

>>7042622
what if... everything i know is wrong?

>>7043906
What happened here? What exploded?

Did someone drop lithium in the pot or what?

>>7042202
>>7042622
These made me feel very uncomfortale

>>7043995
Pressure cooker with missing/malfunctioning safety valve.

Here's a good fuck up, I was cooking some stuff that required a temp in my oven, both racks. So I pulled out the top rack to take stuff out when it was done then went to pull out the bottom rack and it got stuck, and in that micro millisecond my arm went into the top rack that I neglected to push back.

I got a nice burn from that one, it took a few months for that to heal up but fuck all it looked nasty, all bubbly and nasty looking. Bah!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qvlmXKtoi1A

>>7042622