/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>6990221
At least you try, Anon. That's all that matters.

>>6990221
Get rid of the ants for her anon, she will be eating food full of them and not realising

Why not help here in the kitchen when she cooks anon?

read this
http://www.vice.com/read/my-grandma-the-poisoner-0000474-v21n10

>>6990290
This. Wtf anon.

>>6990221
>Not having your grandmother move in with you to take care of her

Filial piety, do you speak it?

>>6990290
Nutritionally there is nothing wrong with eating ants.

>>6990318
When prepared properly, not when she is trying to cook for herself and using rotting ant corpses as a seasoning basically

>>6990300
Okay, keep this grandma far away from you

>>6990221
A number of years ago I went to the Mother-in-laws house for Christmas, she live in the North of England.
>boiled potatos instead of Roast
>white cabbage, I can't emphasise this enough . .. White fucking cabbage for xmas dinner
>Brussels sprouts cooked to death
>Turkey undercooked
I had to pretend I was full-up in order to avoid projectile vomiting!
My wife told me not to interfere with her mothers cooking but fuck me . . .it nearly killed me!

>>6990221
You're a joke and your grandparents who likely went through WW II think you're a fag for not being able to be honest with them.

>>6990290
>>6990294
>>6990309

My grandma is a bit senile, in the sense that she lives in her own little world and when you talk to her she's not really paying attention to what you say. For instance, I pointed the ants out to her and she blatantly brushed over it and started telling me stories about her youth instead. Same when I try to talk to her about recipes, she always talks about how she used to do things and discards my suggestions because I'm not in my 80s so I therefore don't know what I'm talking about. She also has this disturbing habit of calling me by my mother's name, like wtf...
Also, I live in a shared flat so I can't impose her on my flatmates.

I do love her and want what's best for her, but at the same time it makes me sad that I can't get through to her more.

>>6990416
>She also has this disturbing habit of calling me by my mother's name, like wtf...

More than a bit senile then, my Gran keeps calling me by my Uncles name, everytime I waffle if I should correct her or not

Frankly we should stop giving old people medical attention before their brains begin to rot away like this

>>6990416
Then remove them yourself you fucking idiot, you've just said she is basically senile and can't carry a conversation so pointing out the ants to her will do nothing, either get an exterminator to come out and offer to stay there while it's dealt with or buy some ant poison and do it yourself

>>6990300
hory shet

>>6990300
Holy fuck dude, that's the stuff of nightmares right there. Seriously, nothing freaks me out more than losing the plot in my late years and becoming a psychopath hoarder with a dim understanding of reality. Fuck's sake man.

>>6990300
Wtf that was actually a good read though a bit scary

>>6990416
are you a grill?

>>6990416
I'm sure she's putting those ants in your food and cook you all those nasty thing to make fun of you.

>"The retard ate those ants, what a dumbass, kek."

>>6990808
If that turns out to be true, I ain't even mad.

>>6990826
We all make fun of you in your back. We've created a secret club for it, everybody is in, even your mom (and I don't know why, but I think she's the one who hate you the most).

>>6990833
not even him and youre fucking with my anxiety man

>>6990300

This was genuinely the most disturbing thing I've read in years.

>>6990833
Congrats for having a degree in being psychic, perhaps something good will come of you after all.
Also, thank you all for creating a secret club where all you do is fret over my daily endeavours, it's nice to hear that my life has impacted so many. Oh and tell mum that I hate her for being a stupid whore and getting pregnant with me, cheers mum, you're the best.

...wow, this thread is derailing in a really fucked up way.

>>6990416
>Same when I try to talk to her about recipes, she always talks about how she used to do things and discards my suggestions because I'm not in my 80s so I therefore don't know what I'm talking about.

Mine does the same thing. Only she's not senile and is really passive aggressive about everything so it ends up just pissing me off. She does a lot for me though so I just keep it to myself.

Once she asked me what kind of cake I wanted for my birthday. I told her I wanted a no bake cheesecake.
>Ugh, I don't know how you can stand that fake box stuff.
>No grandma, it's an actual recipe. With sweetened condensed milk.
>Uh huh. Sure.

That's her usual "You don't know what you're talking about" response.

>>6990221
I sincerely hope you bring her food.
I work with Meals on Wheels and frequently bring food to those who don't have family that take care of them.

>>6990979
I tried bringing her stuff I make but she's very fussy. She thinks that she has this liver condition that makes red spots appear on her face if she eats processed food (the fact that I cooked those meals myself doesn't get through to her), so she only eats the stuff she makes. Sometimes her brothers visit and bring her food, but she feeds it to her cat after they leave.

Also, since this is now apparently a thread about my grandma, here's a picture of her that I took this year.
There was some family reunion of sorts so she got all dressed up. She honestly looks really creepy in this photo, makes me shiver when I see it, but it's because she's all dolled up with her fancy hair and old lady make-up.
She looks more human and grandmotherly irl.

>>6990300

This is the spookiest thing I've read all Halloween season. Jesus Christ... Old lady death.

>>6991072
why would you post this?

>>6990221
my grandma usually knows what's up, but one time she tried making a soup with pure, unsweetened chocolate. It was one of the top 3 worst tasting things ever in my life. Even my dad starting cracking up, but he just said it was "spicy" when in reality it tasted like literal shit. But at least know I know what actual bad food tastes like.
Let me tell you, if your food tastes kinda bland, it's still pretty good compared to how bad it could be

>>6990221
>Vegeta
Where is she from? Poland? Balkans?

>>6991180
Because grandma thread. Now move along.

>>6991191
>soup with pure, unsweetened chocolate
Did she do this on purpose or was it an accident that she later decided to play along with by claiming to be "creative" in terms of seasoning?

>Parents get divorced a few years ago
>Dad starts to get into cooking as his mid life crisis demands
>starts preparing terrible meals every week, very bad tasting, bland, overcooked, undercooked etc
>before my birthday he announces he is going to cook me a birthday meal to die for
>big day comes
>he tells me all day my meal is going to be delicious
>brings it to me
>the meal is 4 really badly burnt steaks with birthday cake slices on top arranged in a circle around a picture of us playing together from when I was little
>pretend to like it
>eat every bite
>feeling disgustingly and overwhelmingly full
>sugar and fat massing in my stomach
>dad looks at the plate
>''son.. you have to eat the picture.... a strong family bond is the healthiest thing imaginable''
>looks at me with fucking tears in his eyes
>i eat it
>chew the paper
>it is barely chewable as I already feel sick
>manage to swallow it
>dad hugs me and walks off
>I go into the bathroom and throw up half of what I ate
>picture of my dads face is still intact floating in stomach bile
>flush it
>sleep for the rest of the day

fucking shitty birthday

>>6991324
>>''son.. you have to eat the picture.... a strong family bond is the healthiest thing imaginable''

fucking lost it

your dad's psycho

>>6991324
>''son.. you have to eat the picture.... a strong family bond is the healthiest thing imaginable''

I keked, hard.

>>6991324
you're a legend, anon

>>6991324
top kek

>>6990300
So what was actually in the oily thin hot chocolate, what was the white crystalline power and what made you sleepy?

>>6990290
free protein. I don't see the issue

>>6990221
I feel for you, and have 2 anecdotes:
>be 10 and staying with 70 something grandparents for spring break. they insist on serving me milk at all meals because i'm a 'growing boy' (I'm not because I have a congenital spine condition). milk is rotten but they can't tell because their tastebuds/olfactory senses are gone. I drink rotten milk for a week at their insistence. I haven't drank milk in the 15 years since. I have PTSD from rotten milk
>grandpa gets older. still no senses and a bit senile. visit for holiday. he wants to make 'stew' for dinner. watch him add used coffee grounds, chocolate chips and completely desiccated/freezer-burnt meat to a pot of mystery liquid. it tasted as amazing as it sounds. i went into town for taco bell after he went to bed (7pm)
>

Between graduation and getting a job I lived at home with my parents. My grandma lived with us too because my dad's Chinese and filial piety and all that. My grandpa's been dead for years and we my grandma never learned English and doesn't like going out, so she stays inside all day and watches Chinese opera and weird Chinese period soaps on satellite TV all day. When I lived at home she would also insist on cooking lunch for me. Her cooking used to be good when she was younger my dad tells me, but now she's gone off the rails and makes really bizarre ethnic stuff she misremembers from her tiny Chinese village. Either that or she badly tries to make something Western and screws it up really badly. However, she's cooking for me and I'm living at home so it's not like I have anything to really complain about. The problem was when I got a part time job so my lunch needed to be ready by a certain time. Because she was on weirdo Chinese grandma time I never knew when my lunch was coming and I sometimes wasn't able to eat before I headed out to work. That's when I started cooking for myself, partly to keep a decent lunch schedule and partly to avoid her gross cooking. One day she heats up a can of creamed corn, well after I finish eating, and asks if I want some. I tell her I'm full from lunch and go back to watching TV. Next thing I know she's put it in a bowl and comes to me crying, telling me how happy it makes her when she cooks for me so of course I eat the whole thing and tell her how great it was.

From then on I ate her lunches, no matter what. It makes me ache inside thinking about it to this day. I've only seen her cry one other time, at my grandfather's funeral. Seeing relatives cry really fucks me up, man.

>>6992651
it was shark liver at first, then drugs.

>>6990221
Are you by any chance Slavs?

>>6992924
so, shark liver is poisonous?

>>6992850
how can the elderly lose their grip on reality so badly?

>>6990221
>>6990300
between the article and the ants on your food I am now suitably creeped out, thanks anon

>>6993111
go read what too much vitamin A does to you
the article straight up says what she uses. Maybe go learn some adequate reading comprehension

>>6990300
Jesus Christ, how horrifying. Thanks for the read, will share with serial killer threads on /x/.

>>6990300
I think Ja/ck/ must have this condition

>>6993320
>things that never happened

>>6991324
>>''son.. you have to eat the picture.... a strong family bond is the healthiest thing imaginable''
>>picture of my dads face is still intact floating in stomach bile

oh shit

Grandma's are cool when you're young but cunts when you get older (as long as you don't have a vagina)

>tfw my parents had me really late and all my grandparents are dead

My grandma was the coolest lady when I was little though, she baby sat me every day before I was old enough to go to school while my mom worked and she taught me how to sew and we had tea time every day. She also taught me how to tend her rose garden and stuff. She was an atheist and when all her children moved out she joined the Peace Corps and traveled to Jamaica to teach people there to sew to get jobs. I don't have any weird grandma stories, my grandma was the best and I miss her very much ;_;

>>6991072
thanks for your grandmother's social security #

>>6993166
He's pushing 90 now and was a little boy during the Great Depression so absolutely nothing can go to waste in his household. I gotta respect that, but old coffee grounds and chocolate don't go in soup or stew or whatever.

>>6990416
This is called dementia, anon.

>>6991324
honey for eyes
and cheeks
>from smiling

>>6990410
Sure, they think he's a fag for something they clearly don't know.
Hence motherfucking dishonesty you shitlord

>>6992924
Thanks

>>6992924
I got the vitamin A part but I just wish we knew what was in that hot chocolate and on the cookies and shit...

>live with dad and stepmom
>never met real mom, my dad always says she is a deadbeat junkie and doesn't want her to influence me at all
>"You're 18 now son, so we can't stop you from looking up your biological mother"
>fuck yeah motherfucker ROAD TRIP
>don't even speak on the phone with my mom beforehand, apparantly she wanted the first time she talked to me to be face to face
>go to stay with her for a week in the summer
>roll up to her house
>oh god it's a mess
>knock on door
>oh god she's a mess
>stained shirt, missing teeth, smells gross
>guess dad wasn't lying when he called mom a junkie
>she's super nice to me tho
>keeps telling me how sorry she and how much she loves me
>hands me a beer, sits me down in front of the crappy tv and tells me she's gonna go out and get dinner
>she comes back after 15 minutes with a back of popcorn and a bottle of Jim Beam
>"Buddy provided again!"
>Buddy (his actual name, actually a pretty chill dude) ran a crappy store, and I guess she fucked him for food
>have popcorn and bourbon for dinner for two days
>lunch was bread and butter, no other toppings
>go home on day 3, pretending that there was an emergency at my job
>still call her from time to time to hear lulzy redneck stories, but I'm never going back there again

>>6994007
sorry to hear that Anon... you should try taking her out from this place because shitty advice from the internets.

>>6994007
>mother keeps me from seeing my dad until I'm 18
>go to meet him myself
>he's a policeman who preaches at church and has his own loving family now
>the reason I grew up without a dad is because she never spoke to him again after she recieved a phone call from one of his exes and got jealous
>on the fucking day they got back together and were going to move in the same house
>turns out my mom was the crazy one
>being raised by her has made me so weird and effeminate every interaction with his side of the family is too awkward to bear
>they make better food than she ever did

>>6993926
that's part of the mystery. Good chance the liver was in the hot chocolate, probably just drugs in the cookies because she was older (what was in the vial though?)

>>6990300
this shit is way too long
can some1 do a tldr

>>6994130
just read it fag

>>6994119
Might be liquid Bromine?

>>6994097
>father is amazing cook, his mother was the kind of poor Mexican lady that cooked food for the whole town when he was a kid (I'm Mexican) so he learned from her
>grandma would make food for more than 100 people each day because she was an amazing cook too
>father teaches me how to cook since I'm barely able to walk
>father abandons us when I'm 9 and my sister is 10
>turns out he was a cheater, would spend all my mother's money and was an overall asshole
>Not really a surprise since he use to hit my sister and I constantly
>mum is not a very good cook, I take care of cooking at home because she works all day to push us through school, high school and eventually college
>Really miss my dad's cooking, he was truly amazing
>Cannot even mention him because my mother ended up with a fuckin HUGE depression, she would even give money to him when he called (just to get the money obviously)
>Sometimes she cries when I cook food that dad taught me even if it's just for me

Not really grandma story but yea...

>Grandma used to cook amazingly though
>Be me, as a kid, in my birth town
>Spend all fucking day watching her cook with my father and eating authentic amazing mexican food and learning from them
>mfw people even offer me money to cook for them, and I just use dad and grandma's recipes
>mfw no face

When grandma died it was the frist time I saw dad cry. First time I saw mom cry was when dad hit me so hard that my nose couldn't stop bleeding because I had supposedly broken some crystal thing we had at home. It wasn't even me who broke it.

>>6994178
And here I thought this was going to be a heartwarming story meant to endear me to immigrants. Guess /pol/ is always right though.

>>6994231
kek relax, I'm not an illegal immigrant, I don't even live in the USA, I live in europe and have lived here since I was 2 years old, completely legally and me, my mother and my sister are completely functional members of society (my mother works for a bank as a director of marketing, my sister studies medicine and I study aerospace engineering). The only retard was my father.

>>6991324
>''son.. you have to eat the picture.... a strong family bond is the healthiest thing imaginable''
I can't shake the feeling that you dad trolled you.

>>6990221

>go to future in-laws for first Thanksgiving
>mom loves Julia Child, Anon
>mom loves to cook, Anon
>hoping I'm in for a decent meal
>asparagus cooked to light brown
>turkey foreverdry due to similar overcooking
>mashed potatoes boiled, mashed, and served fucking cold
>pie crust like chewing gum, filling like syrup


I still ate every bite and smiled, because it was clear she was trying to impress and just failed miserably.

>15 years later
>always "have to work" around Thanksgiving
>send wife and kids to grandma's
>make my own fucking food

Dad fucks up back and is out of work, mom works to help with bills. Dad cooks
>not that BAD at making eatable dinners
>makes same three meals though
>tacos, spaghetti pie, and like pillsbury crossaints around cheese and a hot dog calls them "dad pigs in a blanket"
>eat this for dinner for 3 months
>just got repulsive so happy when mom started making "meatloaf" again

>dad taught me so much though, can of tuna mixed with a salad dressing, mayo and put on crackers is great. Never caught onto his PB&bologna sandwiches though, he grew up poor and ate whatever he had around

>>6994178
Dude, nothing fills me with rage more than kids being beaten, especially for stuff they didn't do.

>>6990221
Why not place ant baits around the house for her? It will only take a few days or weeks to kill them all.

>>6990300

>He would sleep underwater in the tub with his equipment on

ayy things that didn't happen

>born in Europe
>visit a few years ago
>Both my grandmothers are great cooks, even though one of them cooks pretty unhealthy (tons of oil and butter errywhere)
>Because I know I probably won't get to see them again for a few years, I just indulge and let them be happy feeding me
>gain 15 lbs in the two months I'm there, feels bad man
>oh well, grandmas are so happy ;_;

Overall though I lucked out on the cooking front.

>when I was a kid, grandmas cooked and baked yummy things
>even my one grandpa can make a delicious soup and stewed meat and things, if he's left to his own devices
>mom learned from grandma, she can make a soup out of anything, and bake well too
>dad decided it was a cool hip thing to cook, likes cooking meats, BBQ and makes great pesto
>father in laws bakes for his church like a pro, both he and mom in law cook healthy and delicious things
>husband doesn't cook much but holy shit he can bake a hell of a cake.

If I didn't cook enough veggies I'd be fat as fuck.

>>6994325
That would be pretty common. I have a ton of memories of being beaten by him (not gonna lie, I did some stupid shit sometimes that needed punishment though not that disproportionate) for the most stupid reasons, I could post some but I feel that would be derailing the thread.

>be 7 or 8 years old
>spending the night at my aunts house with a bunch of cousins
>in the morning my other aunt decides to make everyone this raisin oatmeal she found in the pantry
>feeds it to all the children
>eat it to be polite but eat around the raisins because fuck raisins
>aunt who owns the house wakes up
>"oh don't worry, I already made the kids breakfast!"
>"what?"
>"yeah just whipped up that raisin oatmeal in the pantry"
>aunt looks at box
>turns out we were all just fed mouse shit oatmeal

>Grandma who died was the most loving and caring human being I have ever seen, was a school teacher
>She died two years ago now
>Everything she used to make was absolutely delicious, and I mean the most mundane stuff on top of local Syrian food like her own mother used to
>I never asked to watch her cooking
>I will never taste her food again
>Only now that I've actually tried to pursue a carreer as a chef I better understand the hole her death had in my life, from lost culinary arts to just simply having someone more experienced to talk about life and culture
This phantom pain... Won't stop hurting...

>>6990300
And even when I did figure it out, so what? After Joe, Grandma's last boyfriend, died, I went to the cops and told them I thought Grandma was involved.
fucking snitch

>>6990300
>And even when I did figure it out, so what? After Joe, Grandma's last boyfriend, died, I went to the cops and told them I thought Grandma was involved. They said, "Whaddya want us to do about it?"
fucking snitch

>>6994385

>benign brain tumor puts Fear of God into me
>gather all recipes from all relatives, including my own
>start asking about where this, that came from
>find out g-grandmother was one hell of a cook
>nothing left but a cast iron skillet
>will be on cover of my tiny print run cookbook

Turn it into a positive. I'm sure she would have wanted to be a positive and not a painful part of your life. Imagine she's in the kitchen with you. Hell I'd do that if I had even known my g-grandmother.

Write it all down now though. Recipes, methods, everything, because one day you might find a brain tumor too.

>>6994414
>tfw not a single original recipe I know of between my parents and their parents
I need to confirm this feel. I have a hunch I'm going to be proved right.

>>6990221
>at grandmas
>shes making boiled fish and scrambled eggs
>gag at the thought of both of them together
>she finally plates them and the eggs are overcooked and overseasoned to parsley and garlic hell
>take a small piece of fish
>start chewing and its undercooked
>mfw I crunch on a stray bone
>eggs arent any better, sodium count almost as high as the dead sea's
>"Love you grandma... Thanks for the food..."

>>6992850
>because i'm a 'growing boy' (I'm not because I have a congenital spine condition)
This made drunk me laugh aloud for a while.

Thank you.

>>6992850
>you will never have 70 grandparents

Why live?

>>6990300
This is so fake. You don't just "fall asleep for 24 hours at a time" and the doctor goes "herp de derp, everything must be fine! Nobody is poisoning you!" They run blood panels for that shit.

Good story, but still incredibly fucking fake.

>>6994305
Fun fact: If I would have married my last girlfriend, her name would be Julia Childs.

>>6994323
Interesting.

I came from a household similar to this, while also expanding my cooking knowledge to fine-dining-tier dishes.

On one day, I might be eating the most white-trash thing you've ever seen, and then on the weekend I'll prepare a very intricate meal with expensive ingredients for a few friends that tell me I should be opening a restaurant.

I like living in both worlds.

>>6991072
>why does this faggot take pictures of everything and always stare at his phone
>I hope death kicks in soon

>>6990808
that would be the coolest grandma ever

thank you for this thread

>>6990300
>vice
discarded? I mean this is getting lots of replies but still...it's vice

Whatever I'll read it

>>6990300
That is one disturbing article and to think she did all that.... Damm

>>6994130
adhd dumb motherfucker

My girlfriend's mother once tried "cooking" for us once when I was over at their place. She offered us what she called "butterbread". I thought it was gonna be some kind of baked confection of some kind, especially when she kept using the word cook over and over.
She didn't cook anything. That woman literally just took two pieces of bread, slathered them with as much Country Crock "butter" as possible, and handed them to us. My girlfriend ate hers like it was a delicacy. I had to force it down and force myself to keep it down.

"Anon, we have butterbread all the time."

We broke up.

>>6990300
>Builds a PC from parts
>Genius

Ayy, fuckin' normies am I right?

>>6996282
And now get you ass ripped open by Jamal every night because he butters your bread the way you really want it amirite?

>>6996314
No, I'm not Swedish.

>>6993320
>Grandma went to nursing home after that

fucking brutes, all of you

>>6990416
you need to do a wellness check on her anon. google the local number for it in your area, basically social workers go check up on her

she could get fugged up if she lives alone

>>6991324
This is one of the only times I've ever actually laughed at a post on 4chan

>>6990221
My stepdad fucking loves to cook.
He's pretty good at it most times. His spaghetti is always way too sweet and the sauce is way too chunky for my liking. Other than that he's pretty good though.

I was at my gf's grandparents house and we were preparing dinner. The grandpa kept grabbing things that were expired or I legitimately could not tell what they were supposed to be. I think we ended up eating hot dogs.

>>6990300
One of those families you wish had been wiped out in the Holocaust so we wouldn't have to read their rehashed bullshit stories in 2015.

>>6995964
I think vice just bought the rights because I saw an earlier version floating around

>>6996309
This was back in the 80's when it wasn't so much a Lego's set like it is now.

>>6996309
well he says he was 28 in the late 80's, and he built PC from parts when he was 16. I think it was considered wizardry at the time.

>>6994323
Why do dads who are bad cooks tend to give their concoctions cute and adorable names, like "daddy's love pie" or "daddy's wiggly bits of deliciousness"? It's giving me the bad kind of goosebumps.

In other news, my dad keeps insisting that we eat ice cream biscuit sandwiches like pic related. Many years ago he got it into his head that we love those, which we did because we were kids, but now we kinda got over it. Also, the meals he feeds us are quite large and filling so by the end of it, all you're in a mood for is dying.

>"Anon have you eaten your ice cream?"
>no dad I'm full
>"Come on anon, do it for daddy"
>dad no pls
>"Come on, I know you like them, just eat one"
>dad pls wtf

He gets genuinely upset if I don't eat them and thinks I don't love him anymore.

>>6990221
>grandma
>tries to reverse starve me every time I come over
>doesn't matter if Ive just eaten 6 minutes ago
>loves her freezer, defrosts deepfrozen things from 6 years ago for me
>eat them because I love her

it's not too bad the best one was she saved a slice of my mom's wedding cake from like 8 years prior. I didn't know what I was eating at the time.

Also shes one of those that still says things are still good when they are obviously not. Im not one to turn my nose up at things past expiry. I have a pretty good constitution, but some of the stuff is not fit for human consumption.
You just gotta watch her when she cooks. She's not senile I think it's just the time she was born in.

>>6996654
Daddy wants to give you a love pie from his wiggly noodle of deliciousness anon

>>6994731
kekked
thanks anon

>>6991255
>Because grandma thread

No idiot, you don't just get to make up your own deluded ideas of what this thread is about. Who the fuck posts their grandmother on 4chan?

>>6991324
>picture of my dads face is still intact floating in stomach bile

I lost it.

>>6996654
I think your dad just has a mental disease

>>6990300
>http://www.vice.com/read/my-grandma-the-poisoner-0000474-v21n10
This is a shit article full of speculation. Fuck you guys.

>>6997487
oh I'm sorry, would it make it better if she were naked? with a timestamp and everything?

>>6997623
Yes. With whipped cream and a cherry on top.

>>6990300

Are all the people reacting to it all shocked just one poster? That was the most superfluous and uninformative article I've ever read.

What the fuck was she doing to the food? No it's never explained because the writer never tells us what are the ingredients. Fuck you all.

My grandmother had sort of this problem

>grandmother not very educated
>learned from an early age to give offerings to ancestors on certain dates
>the older she gets the more offerings she gives (offerings = food)
>after my grandfather dies she doubles the offering to include my grandfather
>by the time she's 90 she's making these giant ass tables of food
>food has to be offered for three days
>food just sits there for three days on a table
>whole family has to eat it afterwards
>It's nuked/boiled to hell so we don't get food poisoning

Her cooking wasn't that great to begin with. It did not improve with age.

>>6997792
>food just sits there for three days on a table
>whole family has to eat it afterwards

What the fuck is wrong with you people?

>>6990221
I'm not financially sound, but my friend is just above cat-food-for-supper-level poor. I'd bring over some beers, and she would insist on making food... she'd have like two cans of cream of celery soup, and would not accept groceries or money or anything else... I fucking hate canned cream soups.

>>6997792
>offerings
Are you Asian or something?

>>6998112
Wait, she ate those straight?

Nigga, those are for mixing into other dishes, lol.

Tell the bitch to learn how to cook, OP

>>6997721
I'm with you there. Crazy bad writing. The Writer was basically jerking himself off the entire time.

>>6994007
God what a sad story, I hope she was always redneck trash and losing custody of her son didn't destroy her.

>>6992651
>thinking the poster is the author of the vice article
are you literally retarded

>>6998112
cream of mushroom plus some canned tuna and corn over a bed of rice is good.

>>6990300
What's with the ending? I don't understand it.

"Not long ago, I was talking to a friend I've told about Grandma. My friend casually mentioned that Grandma could have accidentally killed me, which surprised me. That wasn't accurate, I said."

"But didn't you have trouble breathing? Didn't you rush to the hospital in the middle of the night? She wasn't trying to hurt you, she was trying to manage you, but she could have hurt you."

What does manage mean in this context?

>>6991324
>>''son.. you have to eat the picture.... a strong family bond is the healthiest thing imaginable''
Your dad just wanted to see how much of a beta you were. Why the fuck would you think he wanted you to eat a picture out of a family bond? kek

>>6999697
grandma wanted to control your life but only wanted what was best for you, never intedning any of her food to actually harm you

>>6994731
I never said they were my OWN grandparents, just that I was staying with 70 of them

>>6990221
>in love with brothers girlfriend
>they live together, he doesn't care, she, the poor sweetie, can't cook so well
>opens ravioli canswhise
>I eat with her, tell her straight to the face that what she endures there is shit
>quits relationship with brother
>one day in the week I cook for her
>I feel that it means more to her, than I could ever imagine

never expected to enjoy the felling of being needed in that way.

>>6999778
>>I feel that it means more to her, than I could ever imagine

On the one hand I don't feel like being a downer is great, but on the other it just sounds like you are projecting what you feel onto her, and if that is actually the case someone will end up hurt of the expectation does not meet reality.

Mate, if you have a good reason to believe this isn't just projection, go for it and accept the outcome, whatever it may be. If you don't have a good reason, you should probably err on the side of "this is projection, I shouldn't be assuming someone else's feelings" and dial down your expectations accordingly.

>>6999660
I'm going with option A

>>6991324
kek the fuck is this

>Mother is of German descent
>Grew up super fucking poor in some hick drive through town, eating whatever they had, 1 of 5 siblings
>I grew up eating her cooking and didn't know any better
>As I grow up slowly realize how poor it really is, super brothy soups, really plain cooked food, mushy pasta/rice, stuff like that
>Anything that needs butter is super buttery, anything needed mayonnaise has a fucking ton of mayo, etc
>Whenever my dad cooks he literally has only cooked the same meal every time over 22 years, chili dogs
>Eat it because I love my parents and am not an asshole but starting to learn what actual cooking and food tastes/looks like

I dig those chili dogs though

I cannot eat anything my roommate cooks. Not even a technique problem and he really gets into it but he just fucks up anything good with a bunch of fucking velveeta. I've confronted him about this and he just likes that velveeta man so we cook separately.

>>7001173

Hey at least he's upfront about the liquid gold