/ck/ - Food & Cooking

Are you autistic?

The "Fish" diet. You can only eat what a fish eats. That basically means algae, plankton, soggy crumbs and most fish (because sharks are fish). And cow's blood and whale blubber because they're the ingredients for shark chum. Anything used as bait when fishing is okay too: maggots, worms, sweetcorn, nightcrawlers, grasshoppers, bees, ants...

The Logic: Fish don't get fat.

You also have to spend at least 20% of your time swimming in water, as submerged as possible.

Paleolithic diet.

You're only allowed to eat foods you think ancient pre-agriculture humans might have eaten. You can't be sure what that was, and it would have varied by location, so use your imagination! If it was good enough for subsistence hunters and gatherers who were lucky to hit 40 years old, it's good enough for the modern hipster!

>>6916384
I'm pretty sure the 4.8 hours of swimming a day will keep you from getting fat regardless of what you eat.

>>6916287
>no beef

>>6916287
>>6916287
The Māori diet.

You eat everyone that you defeat in physical combat, except your closest family members and neighbors.

The Logic: trick ipeople into believing its morally right to do this because of overpopulation and lack of social Darwinism.

Whoever possess the greatest amount of mana by the end of the year is crowned High Chief.

>>6916397
Exactly. If people think the results are the result of a trendy diet and not good old fashioned exercise, then they'll all buy my new book."Eating Aquatic: The Fish Diet" at only $23.99 per ebook.

>>6916413
Forgot pic.

>>6916287
The Vegan Diet

Bear with me here guys, it is going to sound ridiculous.

Ok so all there is to the Vegan Diet is you don't eat anything that comes from animals. No meat, no fish, but the key is no animal products at all. Like no milk, no eggs, no honey. I know it sounds stupid but I think it is plausible that some idiots might do it, even though it would be miserable and they might die from lack of vitamin B12

>>6916476
That picture has successfully put my sides into orbit.

THE EASY WAY TO LOSE WEIGHT IN JUST ONE WEEK :


One banana
100grams of white chocolate
Two hardboiled eggs
Four scoops of whey proteions

EAT THIS EVERY DAY FOR A WEEK TO LOSE A LOT OF WEIGHT NIGGA

>>6916476
>die from lack of vitamin b12
what is nutritional yeast

>>6916287
There was a thread a while back discussing the ultimate fuck you to vegans, the carnivore diet. Animals and animal by products only. You'd have to eat offal and hooves and your only drink is milk or water but it can be done. All the calories for exercise and the protein that will build you up, too! No GMOs, no waste of animal products, no preservatives. Feel more in tune with nature. Most importantly though, make vegans burst into tears.

>>6916534
So basically the Eskimo diet or that of the Masai (Or some other nigga tribe in Africa. They derive most of their substenance from milk and blood). Noice.

Is the fruitarian diet where one eats only fruit a thing?

THE MILKARIAN DIET :

You only eat cheese and milk products. MILK is the best food for humans because hurr durr nursing babbies.

The meme

1000mg DNP for 4 months
3000+cal erry day


lose a pound of fat every day, enjoy

>>6916393
Paleo is not hipsters though. It's more fitness freaks who like to think of themselves as alpha cavemen. That's why the paleo diet is so focussed on meat. Although meat made up a small percentage of most pre historic diets.

>>6916512
>yeast
>not living
>not conscious

>>6916287
>Allowed: any foods native to North America. Examples include turkey, corn (and anything made of corn), tomatoes and squashes.
Corn, potatoes, and tomatoes are originally native to South America.

>>6916597
I don't get paleo. Didn't cavemen only live to like 30 and have IQs of about 20? Why would I want to be like that? Plus if it was the best way to eat then why did we evolve into non-paleo eating humans?

the life diet
lessen your impact on the suffering of plants and animals by only eating nutrients synthesized in a lab

if it's not blue then don't chew

>>6918831
>the more twisted and subtlety factually incorrect the better

>>6918835
>and have IQs of about 20

That's actually not true. Ancient humans were just as intelligent as we were. They just hadn't amassed as much knowledge as we have today.

The Eat, Pray, Eat Diet:

You're a rich white woman, but somehow you still feel unfulfilled, and also a little fat. This is the diet for you! Eat only Indian-inspired cuisine, and achieve self-actualization! Staples of your diet: prepackaged naan, curry powder, and chicken. Don't forget to meditate every day on how you can improve your already privileged life.

(On a completely unrelated note: captcha just had me identify bottles of hand lotion as "drinks". These are the end times.)

>>6918942