/ck/ - Food & Cooking

I like to grate my garlic instead of pressing it. It's just easier.

I like to put cheap grated cheese and/or cheese strings on a flour tortilla then I microwave and eat it.

Everytime I chop onions, I have to think about my best friend's mother.

>>6795379
I have sex with hamburgers before I eat them

>>6795451
You mean you RAPE them before you eat them. Hamburgers can't consent, shitlord.

>>6795457
>raping food instead of making love to it
>2015

>>6795379
I sometimes wish I could be more ignorant about my diet and become fat and just keep eating all day long....

I FUCKING love to eat...

But I am pretty fit and really the only times I eat unhealthy is when I'm drunk.

I could eat bacon on almost anything.

>>6795468
even on fruit?

>>6795474
Especially on fruit

Sometimes I eat cheez whiz straight out of the jar with a spoon

>>6795519
For some reason that makes me want to gag even more than someone eating mayo out of the jar.

>>6795519
Say what ? :D

>>6795457
Why can we eat hamburgers but not have sex with them?

> be me
> gf tells me her friend from work just escaped an abusive boyfriend and needs a safe place to go
> begs me to let her move in and I finally cave in
> nobody tells me the girl is a twenty year old mother of a 4 year old boy until after the fact
> she constantly dumps the kids boy on us to "go to work"
> supposedly this is at 7/11 but I've never seen a uniform and she can't even say what store it is
> kid is not even potty trained she she doesn't buy pull up so he just shits and pisses everywhere
> she doesn't buy food EVER even though she must get food stamps
> she leaves a dog dish filled with cheerios out all day so the kid can graze and doesn't care about ants
> leaves it on the floor so he doesn't yank it off the table God forbid
> gets mad if you throw it away
> gets mad if you feed kid real food
> take kid to burger king on Christmas eve
> sees Santa Claus and won't stop screaming THAT'S MY DAD in the restaurant
> feed him three cheeseburgers and a shake
> let him run on playground
> soon all other kids start screaming and running away
> their parents glaring at me
> turns out he shat in the ball pit and vomited down the slide
> turns out he drank bleach aka spicy water earlier when with his mom
> turns out she had two kids before that and she gave one to the grandparents and traded the other for a truck
>eventually she fucked off back to California and I don't know what happened to the kid

>>6795647
I know this is pasta but it's still fucking depressing

>>6795647
I remember you from other threads. Still good shit. Good as in...interesting read...yeah.

I eat too much and then throw up.

>>6795647
there are a ton of Oregonians/Portlanders on /ck/ these days...

I like Celeste Pizza.

>>6795682
I do that sometimes.

my roommate bought a giant bottle of sricacha for me and i'm only halfway through it... so it's my go-to hot sauce right now.

it's fine. good on eggs or cheese or leftovers which is all i really use hot sauce on anyway.

harissa has become my personal in house meme sauce

I hate sriracha sauce. It has literally no flavor and isn't that hot. I'm 95% sure that everyone who likes it is lying just to seem cool. The only time "meme food" has ever been accurate in my mind.

I. I... sometimes put ketchup on hogdogs. And, well, god this is tough... if feeling really lazy, have cooked burgers in the microwave. Know I might be perma banned for this, but I make tea, both hot and Iced, using what ever teabags that happen to be on sale. The shame...

>>6795729
nah, it's mostly people who just got into using hot sauce (beyond the sugary franks shit they had as a kid) so they think it's top sauce.

it's all about the concentrates from bodegas. i have a really nice "jamaican style" concentrate with a predominantly fresh mango taste but is extremely spicy.

I add excessive amounts of chilli powder, xanthoxylum, ginger and white pepper to everything and I don't end up actually tasting the food.
This is the only thing keeping me eating vegetables, salads and organs on a regular basis.

I'm not a very good cook.

I'm too insecure to go to my university's cafeteria and eat some grub.

I don't mind eating alone.

I like tendies.

I like cooking but when I'm alone I usually eat a whole pack of spaghetti with pesto and grana padano (LOADS OF IT), then stop eating for two days and sustain solely on heavily sugared coffee.

I ALWAYS say I'm gonna eat junk food this one time, and then I'm gonna stay healthy.

I ALWAYS say this is the last unhealthy meal, I'll eat good and work out tomorrow.

>tomorrow never came

>>6795843

I heat almost everything and I can't wait for food to cool down. For example every time I make spaghetti I'll burn my mouth eating it. Hurts the next day. I only noticed this as a problem after I visited the dentist the day after eating stew, and she noted that my gums are swollen.

>>6795943
You never learn from your mistakes?

>>6795834
Lol I do this but it's some shaped pasta, rotini, farfale, penne, that one tgat looks like rice, whatever sausage and marinara. Lasts for a meal for 3 days or so. Just gorge on it then drink water and coffee. for the rest of the day.

>>6795952
Hot food just tastes so good it's easy to ignore the burning feeling until I eat it all.

>>6795943
>>6795958
Damn I literally just cooked over an entire thing of penne tonight and most of it is sitting in my fridge in containers.

>>6795959
But then you can't even enjoy it because your taste buds are fucked. What's the point

>>6795975
Yeah that's the problem, also the part where my mouth hurts the entire next day

>>6795984
So stop it or I'll make you stop it.

>>6795528
This picture used to inspire in me disgust and loathing. Projecting unfair judgement onto a fellow human being. But realistically, how many of us are secure enough in ourselves to do anything remotely similar as to going to town on a block of cheese in public without caring?

This woman has transcended ego and in doing so she's attained the highest understanding of truth and wisdom. Jesus called it Heaven. Others refer to it as Moksha, Kevala Jnana, Ushta, or simply: Enlightenment.

One day we should all be so lucky as to be so unabashed.

>>6796318
Not gonna lie, it probably has less to do with what you said and more to do with her having given up.

>>6795379
I can't stop thinking about food. I'm obsessed with planning meals and learning about health benefits of ingredients and how I can achieve maximum results out of each dish I prepare.

I also recreate fictional foods. Not for a blog or company or anything. Just for myself..

>>6796660
None of that sounds at all bad to me. Good for you, man. Got pics of said recreated food?

I once put a very matured jalapeño in my ass and had to go to the ER

>>6796683
Tell me more please. In full detail

>>6796689
It was spicy in my butt

>>6796695
But what made you want to do this?

>>6796700
I thought it would be funny but it wasn't

>>6796668
>Got pics of said recreated food?
Nah, I kinda just wing it so no pics. The most recent food item is a classic red health poition. Black tea, hibiscus, Valencia orange peel.

I have a hard time not baking things and then eating like half of whatever i make. Like the other day i made peanut butter cookies and i ate the whole batch that day.

>>6796710
Aw man. You should take pics. That sounds cool.

I only use Cholula because it's slightly less well-known than Tabasco and Sriracha and I'm a hipster. I actually prefer Tabasco.

>>6795379
My coworker rubbed his penis along the edge of a glass and served it to a cute girl who then drank from it.

I used to make cookie dough and cake batter and eat it raw. I got disgustingly fat doing that.

>>6795457
But the burger can't say no, either.

>>6796660
It's called autism, anon.

I watch Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives.

I like to visit restaurants featured on the show.

>>6796900
Most people here watch that too, whether they want to admit it or not. Even if it's just occasionally.

>>6795752
I put ketchup on hotdogs too. Even proper frankfurters.

You degenerate.

>>6795519
Same.

I put cheez whiz in everything. Everything. It's so fucking good in mashed potatoes.

>>6795682
Rarely but I do that too

>>6796660
Take pics when possible, would love to see this

>>6795379

I eat chocolate frosting straight up.

>>6795463
Gotta eat big to get big.


C'MON

>>6795391
Holy shit I do this as well. I'll dip it in some taco sauce too if it's there.

I love fast food and Big Macs specifically... Sometimes I'll eat McDonald's two days in a row but I go to a different McDonald's the second time out of fear of being recognized by a worker.

I eat tons of peanut butter even though it gives me the squirts.

I want candy but I hate going out so late to just get candy. I always feel so judged. Is it so strange to want mike and Ike's at 2 am?

>>6797193
nobody gives a shit
the cashier especially doesnt give a shit

Sometimes I chew junk foods (cookies, chips, what have you) and then spit them out once I've gotten the flavor in my mouth so I don't actually have to consume it. Is that sick/wasteful? I've tried to justify it in that junk food doesn't do anything good for your body so it's not wasteful since I'm tasting it, arguably the only reason anyone eats junk food

>>6795647

>Learned to talk
>Can't use a toilet

I think you're making new shit up as you repost this

>>6795647
Who would trade a truck for a baby?

I've dropped frozen pizzas on the ground while drunk, picked up the toppings and ate them anyway.

>>6797651
Niggers.

>>6795647
typical Oregononian

>>6797658

Why would niggers think a baby is worth as much as a truck?

>>6797673
I don't think you comprehend how stupid they can be.

I once niggered a nigger while other niggers were niggering in the nigger theater.

>>6795391
Im gonna try this right now

>>6797673
In my area a nigger was arrested for trying to exchange her baby for food at the grocery store. She was later arrested after the cashier saw the same nigger trying to trade her baby to someone who turned out to be a known pedo and child pornographer.


Its a long read, but its worth it if you have the time. Its about a foreign teacher as part of an exchange program trying to teach niggers, and his unbiased observations.

>>6797671

>>6795519
>not emptying the aerosol can right into your mouth

>>6797910
you are confusing eazy chezze with cheese wiz

>>6797896
Great read, actually. Very insightful.

>>6797958
As a teacher in a french ex colony, I can vouch for this testimonial, das crazy yo.

>>6795379
I got really baked while in college and ate all 24 of my roommates freeze pops I'm a day

>>6797630
I recall this pasta and it's always mentioned that the boy was not toilet trained and shitted upon everything.

I used to work at McDonalds and still eat there on occasion.

>>6797123
alot of people eat nutella, even for breakfast!

>>6797630
You should talk to people who work in social services.

That isn't uncommon.

>>6797873
How was it?

I have about one actual meal a day. I force some oatmeal into me some mornings but I really don't see the point of grazing when I'm just a desk jockey.

I'll order hot chocolate from coffee places and load it up with sugar on cold days. Really does keep you warm. Some ex-homeless guy told me about it.

>>6795711
you bloody hipster

>>6797212
I've thought of doing this at times, but I get some satisfaction from actually swallowing the food
>inb4 comments about satisfaction from swallowing

>>6798759
YOU LIKE TO SWALLOW
LIKE A GIRL
GIRLS SWALLOW
YOU ARE A GIRL
GIRLS ARE INFERIOR
I STILL WANT TO FUCK YOU

>>6798761
fuck off /b/

>>6800161
fuck on /ck/

I suck at seasoning. I'll add small amounts of all kinds of different spices in my refrigerator to something, taste it, do more trial-and-error/get afraid I'll exceed the spice event horizon, and then just give up and add salt and/or pepper.

Whatever I'm making will tastes good, but also with a strong overtone of failure and disappointment.

I like bacon, sricacha and Asian snacks.

>>6797212
It is common for that habit to develop into an addiction and a hazardous eating disorder. Read up on it and reconsider whether you want to continue down this road.

I eat canned food.
I used paper plates more often than not.
I ALWAYS tip 20% or more unless service was subpar
I like Mexicans because their food is so good

>>6800201
>I eat canned food
Everyone does. They may not want to admit it, but fucking everyone does.

>>6795379

I like to use sour cream on desserts in place of whipped cream.

>>6795379

I cook everything in the microwave.

I poach eggs in the microwave, I steam veggies and cook bacon.


I even bake breads and cakes in the microwave. I live in the basement, I don't want to have to go upstairs and interact with people to use the stove. So I use the microwave for everything.


I always use artificial sweetener, never real sugar.

>>6800178

Just buy those spice blends instead of mixing it yourself willy-nilly.

I order a side of anchovies just so I can nibble on them by themselves.

DELICIOUS

>>6800290
do you pee in bottles and have mountains of paper plates and food wrappers surrounding you?

>>6800300

No, luckily I have a sink right in my room.

I don't eat vegetables.

Yes, I am overweight.

>>6800304
Nice. I would have loved to have a sink in my room during my hermit phase.

I just pissed in gallon jugs until I filled them all then I'd dump them down the floor drain in the basement.

>>6800333
Jesus christ dude

I'm an absolute plebeian and have no real sense of brand quality/ combination of the right condiments and sauces. I easily burn food/ soak food in oil/ generally screw everything up while cooking.

I find alcohol, rice and soft drinks such as coke, pepsi, etc utterly disgusting.

I once spent a month eating nothing but nuggets dipped in melted cheddar. I'm not overweight but there's some time I've been avoiding cholesterol check-ups out of cheer fear.

I browse /ck/ mainly because reading about food while eating for some reason makes the taste better.

I ate all my parents food because I'm supposed to mow the lawn. Except I didn't mow, I threw up in the sink and I think one of the cats died.

>>6800949
Chicken nuggets? In cheddar? Dude c'mon. Try it with mother fucking honey. That shit is incredible. Man I haven't had chicken nuggers in forever.

>>6795528
>>6796318

I read on here once that its actually a prepackaged pound cake that shes snacking on

I moved out of home 1.5 years ago and became vegan. But whenever I visit my parents I cant help myself and have a few bits of meat for pleasure :(

>>6801077
I actually can see that now. There's small bits of "foamy" like pieces that are sticking up where she's bitten. Cheese wouldn't do that.

Still can't say that's any better tho.

i'm addicted to cold chocolate poptarts.
I buy a pack and then accidentally the whole pack in a day, i do this often.
for reference i'm only 10kg overweight or so

>>6801180
>go to grocery store just to buy cherry poptarts one day as I haven't had them since I was a kid and wanted some nostalgia
>don't have any, and the poptarts they have has been expired for months
That was a sad day. Do they even still make cherry poptarts?

;_;

>>6801184
not sure i'm an ausfag, and they only recently starting turning up in some supermarkets, and only the larger ones.
They only stock chocolate and I think some other apple one that doesn't interest me.

i eat spicy peppers like habaneros when im hungry and the burn will make me not want to eat for an hour or so. i also love drinking fresh squeezed lemon juice.

>>6801252
I live spicy food just for the fact that it clears up my sinuses instantly. Good shit. It's nice being able to breath out of both nostrils for a short time.

>>6801188
Really? You guys only just now started to get poptarts? Damn.

>>6801269
you could get them in like specialty lolly stores.
but I've only just started noticing them in super markets, maybe I was just slow to the party.

i mix dijon mustard with ketchup and put it on bratwurst

I don't put pop tarts in the toaster I just eat them raw

>>6800304
Where do you shit

i've been using mayonnaise instead of butter for a few days in my morning sandwich (i ran out and my work schedule is tight so i haven't been to the store) and i might not make the switch back

this might push me away from skinny-fat right into obesity. no regrets.