/ck/ - Food & Cooking

I tell them that it's not that good to smash the patties and then leave since I'm getting free food and I'm not autistic enough to harass people over the quality of my free burgers.

REEEEEEEEREEEEEEEEEE

chill out

maybe offer to man the grill if the guy looks bored

>free food

I carry ground beef in a money belt to parties where I don't know the cook. After he's done producing beef pellets I quietly grill my own.

I would immediately pour ketchup on their cat

I let them do it the way they see fit since I'm a guest and they're giving me free food, also keeping in mind they might be trying to rush a bit since there's a lot of people to feed.

I would use yummy Asian dipping sauces.

I would be too busy trying to get someones little sister drunk to notice any bullshit like this.

>>6793895
>maybe offer to man the grill if the guy looks bored


i read this initially (and several times to to make sure it was right) as

>Maybe offer the man the grill if the guy looks bored.


i had a whole green text thing laid out how you offer the man his own grill for looking bored then read it once more and realized oops.

>>6793888
I'll just take a hit dog brah.

>>6793888

I'm an alcoholic and I tend to make a sloppy drunken mess of myself at these things, so the chances of me being invited are pretty slim. In the event I was asked to attend, I'm sure I'd be too drunk to care what condition the burgers were in.

>>6793901
this

>>6793911
>dogs
>not brats and other sausages.

>>6793914
Fuckin a mate, this is a real man. Way to go brother!

>>6793917
>other sausages
What kind of gay shit are you into exactly?

Unless they're in deep shit, or need to be relieved of their duties to use the toilet, get a beer, etc. I usually leave them to do things the way they prefer.

>>6793897
Reeeeeeeeee

>>6793888
That's not a grill!

>>6793888
PUSH DOWN HARDER! If the meat isn't cooked all the way and I get sick I will fucking sue the shit out of the host and the cook.

>>6793888
I would refuse to eat and passive aggressively take out my anger by shitting into the upper part of the host's toilet (known as an "upper-decker"). I'd also go ahead and steal whatever I could from the house because fuck them

I mean, if I'm at someone's place then I obviously am friends or family with them, so I would just bring it up as banter but overall get over it.

>>6794974
I can see why nobody invites you to anything.

>>6794984
Oh they invite me, but never a second time. When they can't find their TV remote and all the change is gone from their change bowl after the party, I'm sure they know it was the guy that they caught in their kid's rooms upstairs who was also seen wiping boogers on the cat

>>6794959
>>6795012
DUMB FROG POSTER

>>6793888
"Try to make really thin and flat patties beforehand and don't mash them, you'll lose some of the delicious juices and grease otherwise."
"Yeah but they turn so round"
"That's why you make them really flat. Much flatter than you want the end result."
"Oh okay thanks."

See? I taught the individual to make better burgers, and I'll get better burgers myself in return. Win-win situation.

>>6795070
Actually what the guy behind the grill is thinking
>invite this asshole to my home and all he wants to do is offer unsolicited arrogance
>didn't ask for your input on burgers faggot you're lucky I even invited you

>>6793899
>free food
It's not free if the only way of getting said food is by visiting them.

>>6793888

I fucking love smash burgers

>>6793888
I would /irishstewguy/ the fuck out of the situation.

>>6793929
You proud of that anon?

>>6793888
ask why they're smashing down a meatball

>>6793888
ive always heard it's bad to press down on the patty, however, its ground hamburger meat that's going to be slathered in condiments anyway.
so who cares?

>>6793888
you must go through a lot of spatulas. also, i'll just have a sausage or brat.

>>6796733
>ground hamburger meat that's going to be slathered in condiments anyways
You will never be welcome in my house.

>>6796756
If you're not broiling or doing it on a flat top, it's shit anyway.

If it's on a griddle and the meat is on there 5/6 min max then i have no issue.

if it's on a grill....eh.

>>6796756
you mexicans all think youre the best cooks. well there's a reckoning coming.

>>6796773
>racial accusations and threats
Thanks for the update Trump, but I'm as white as masking tape.

>>6796783
>white as masking tape.
said like a true salvadoran anon.

>>6795107
>how to spot a sociopath

>>6796773
I lost

>>6793914
Ah, the good old "I'm an alcoholic" post.
So you know for a fact your addiction is making you indesirable at get togethers.
And you somehow think this is a good way to indentify yourself on this board.
Are we supposed to pity you? Admire you? What's the point?

>>6797036
I don't know. Something. I'm drubnk.

>>6793897
Are you in anyway related to Doublemint Dave?

>>6797036
At first I admire his honesty, but then I realize that's all he's got.

you guys probably think it's wrong to flip a steak more than once, too, huh?

>>6795180
I feel like this guy is the only one who understands the science behind this.

Smashing the patty before any of the fat has time to heat up and liquifiy doesn't cause any moisture loss and instead just makes a crusty delicious maillard reaction puck.

Smashing after the meat has heated up is worthy of a good slap across the face though, especially so if on a grill and you get flareups.

>>6797060
In reality, 9/10 chef-fags flip there steaks... how else do they get the cross-hatched pattern?

>inb4 they move them after 20 seconds of cooking and rotate them
No they don't.

>>6797036
Identifying as an alcoholic is a preemtive warning for whatever pathetic reasoning and actions they take.

Source: I'm also an alcoholic.

>>6797064
yes.

the reason not to smash on an outdoor grill would be that you were not cooking on a flat surface, so you couldn't smash properly, you'd just mush the meat between the grilly-bits.

but OP's confusing picture has a cast iron pan in it so I assume that his weird theoretical griller has put a pan on his grill? if that's the case I guess there's no reason not to smash, although putting a pan on your grill to cook a burg is a pretty weird thing to do

What would happen if you smashed a burger then put a huge steam cup over it?
Surely there's some kind of perfect, in-between method?

>>6797082
there's not much need to do this, if you smash right when you start cooking you won't lose any moisture anyway

>>6797077
I'm more concerned with the majority of posters in here who dont understand what happens to meat when you press it onto a heated flat surface.

Using a pan on a grill is doubly useless since you'd just sear a patty over the hot portion of your grill to get a char on it (You are using a dual heat zone right?)

>>6797082
You smash the burger on one side and then flip it and smash the otherside for a moment before depositing a slice of cheese on it.

These burgers do not come out as medium rare, but make up for it with the aforementioned maillard reaction.

>>6797089
But with the cup you can claim its smash-steamed, or smeme'd.

>>6793904
I'm high as fuck to brah

>>6797092
just steam it with milk for a full-on memer

>>6793898
I like this answer.
I support this.

>>6797090
I don't advise the second-smash. accept that you'll only have rad maillard crust on the initially-smashed side - a double-crust isn't worth pressing out rendered fat

just smash two patties and then assemble them crustysides-out with cheese in the middle

>>6797106
>mallard
why the fuck do you guys keep mentioning a duck?

>>6797111
you've never crusted your food with bits of duck?

>pleb
>loser
>failure at life
>actively gets involved in online political discussions
>steals lose change from his friends and family
>doesn't always flush after pooping
>doesn't wash his hands after not flushing after pooping
>feeds candy to children who are already fat

>>6794974
when did /ck/ become /r9k/

>>6797111
it's not just a duck
it's a RAD MALLARD