/ck/ - Food & Cooking

Authentic Avocado's come from California...

>>6720227
You need to buy a seed then plant it. Then water it in a special solution of bleach and ammonia (the salts inside the two nurture the plant) and then water.

>>6720726

DO NOT do this, OP.

It takes 7 years for a tree planted from seed to produce fruit.

What you need to do is obtain a cutting grafted to rootstock.

Plant it on Mexico.

>>6720227
You have to be Mexican first, dumbass.

>>6720726

OP this man is trying to troll you never ever mix bleach and ammonia it causes a lethal chemical vessicant known as "mustard gas" which can and has killed quite a few people

Anyway there is no such thing as Mexican guacamole since Mexicans cannot afford avocados. The guacamole served at chipotle is regular white people guac, recipes for which can be easily found online and revolve around the key ingredients of avocado, salt, and lime

:( came here to troll op about planting a seed....everyone else already doing it. Kek. Anyways just google chipotles guacamole recipe op you lazy bastard

>>6720227
Fucking idiot. U are talking about guacamole. Real mexican avocado must come from Mexico pirchased at Walmart

>>6721527
Story time!

>Be me
>Need to clean carpets because they are filthy
>Don't care about it changing color
>Read online on one forum that bleach is perfect for cleaning carpet
>Read another forum that ammonia is amazing at cleaning carpet
>Decide mixing them will make a super carpet cleaner
>mix into sealed carpet cleaner reservoir
>Start cleaning carpets
>Get dizzy and start coughing
>Very disorientated
>WhatTheFuckIsGoingOn.Jpeg.MovieFile
>Barely able to maintain consciousness while trying to crawl to front door
>Make it to front door and roll outside
>barely survived
>MFW when the part of the carpet I cleaned looked brand new.

>>6721559
peggy pls go

>>6721527
Reddit go home

>>6721581

>le meanest site on the net meme


You aren't the 4chan you think you are, hacking sites and killing kids with bad advice. You're a neutered old dog, and this is the cooking tips board. Why don't you fuck off to where the mythical "oldfags" you worship went? If you even know where, that is.

>>6720227
Chipoltle's quac is actually not very good, by Mexican home cooking standards.

Quacamole's defining feature is that it's minute fresh. Any decent white table cloth Mexican or Central American restaurant makes it table side while you watch.

The basic recipes is two ripe avacados (black ripe. soft ripe. Just barely this side of starting to rot ripe), a lime, freshly diced onion (white, or I prefer sweet Vidalia), freshly diced tomato (dealers choice), and a pinch of salt. Mash in a ceramic bowl (detail, you can make do with steel or Pyrex) and juice the lime over it at the end, just as you serve it (lime juice will rust the avacado). Optional seasonings include various dried chilis, powdered, white pepper, cumin, paprika.

pic related is what it is supposed to look like. It's supposed to be coarse and visibly aggregate, not a pulverized paste, which is frankly kind of gross.

>>6721620
> wet blanket detected
Butthurt much?

>>6721620
are you talking about that stupid cripple's website? fuck those faggots; they're more like chanology than golden-era 4chan.

>>6721620
youre literally the cancer thats killing this site.

>>6721527
you sound like the idiot trying to explain to everyone that they shouldn't deep fry ice

go back to whatever hug box you crawled out of

>>6721620
B T F O
T
F
O

>>6720227
Alton has a pretty solid qwak recipe
http://altonbrown.com/guacamole-recipe/

>>6721827
people still say this?

>>6721886
>http://altonbrown.com/guacamole-recipe/
" allow to sit at room temperature for 2 hours before serving."

Except cut this step right out and serve it immediately.

>>6720227
This is how I make guac. Take 3 ripe avocados, pit them, and use a spoon to scoop out flesh into a bowl. Add in juice of 1 lime, a good few shakes of garlic powder, salt and pepper. I crush all the flesh and add a few dollops of either mayo or sour cream to add to the fluff.

Didn't read thread, but if you aren't putting cottage cheese in your guacamole then you should kill yourself.

>>6721900
You want those flavors to mingle broseph it's always better that way

>>6722149
in my MOUTH.

Seriously, Alton, you're gonna rust the avacado. Haven't you ever been to the RiverWalk and had real qwahk?

>>6721953
putting cottage cheese in guacamole, what the fuck? Is this a thing???

It's guacamole, also you need garlic, red onion, salt, pepper, Roma Tomatoes, cilantro, lime juice

>>6722197
I use to work at Kroger and had to make guacamole, so that's why I know the ingredients, we sold out everyday so I know it wasn't just good to me

>>6722197
Oh how could I forget the cumin

>>6721527
>chlorine
>ammonia
>mustard gas
There's a reason you're on /ck/ and not /sci/

>>6722149
Nice meme, friend.

>>6722168
The oxidation is prevented by the line juice i use 2 limes for this reason and because lime is fucking delicious

>>6722180
I made it a thing, bb.

>>6722224
Thank little britches i really really really like yours too

>>6722262
The oxidation is slowed down by the plastic wrap.

Try splitting the batch. Add citrus juice to one half and none to the other. See which one gets browner faster. PPOs polymerize in the presence of oxygen. Guess what citric acid is ringed with.

>>6721767
>Chipoltle's quac is actually not very good, by Mexican home cooking standards.
the standards of illiterate women living in poverty in a third world country? as opposed to a multi-million dollar corporation with a team of professional chefs making up recipes in their corporate test kitchen?

nahh...not gonna trust you

>>6722327
I've already done this trick bud none lime juice one browns faster i did it to prove my mom wrong because she was taught if you leave the seed in the qwak it slows the Browning so go eat a bag of dicks

>>6722368
Non lime juice i meant not none

>>6721620
It's ridiculous that you didn't get that the ammonia and bleach post was a joke. You sound much worse than the oldfags you're complaining about.

>>6722348
>trusting a multi-million dollar corporation that wants to earn more by doing less as much as possible

Not gonna trust you as well.

>>6722348
The corporation is going to be making the Guac as cheaply as possible and with a mild, inoffensive flavour that will appeal to a wide range of audiences. It will likely be preserved and have lots of chemical additives.

The illiterate women are going to be using the recipe passed down for generations, with local, fresh, in season ingredients just how their family like it.

So yes, the illiterate third worlders do in fact make it much better.

>>6722414
no, they are trying to make as much money as possible by making products that people actually LIKE

as opposed to mexican women living on a $1/day literally trying to make the most out of what little they have to feed their family of six little rugrats who have no other choice but to eat their mom's shitty cooking

>>6722348

They have completely separate goals, anon. The fact that Chipotle has a lot of money is completely irrelevant.

Some random Mexican grandma has a lifetime of cooking experience. She's not in any hurry. She can buy ingredients from whomever she wants and she can cook it however she likes.

A business has to match their menu to the lowest common denominator. They are restricted in their ingredient selection because they have to deal with vendors who can supply their massive orders at a time. Small mom-n-pop farms aren't an option. The marketing department chooses where they get a lot of their ingredients from since it fits into their corporate image. The recipe must be designed to be executed quickly by largely unskilled cooks. And it must be exactly the same in every restaurant they have.

So yeah, I can see that the food would be different as the circumstances surrounding both are totally different.

>>6722419
Have you ever been to a Chipotle or are you talking out your ass? They make the guac in-house right in front of you. You can literally see them do it. You're right about it being a mild inoffensive flavor, but at least they make it fresh, and there's no chemical BS in it. You can watch them break down the avocados, squeeze in the limes, etc.

>>6722419
>The corporation is going to be making the Guac as cheaply as possible and with a mild, inoffensive flavour that will appeal to a wide range of audiences
don't you think that the poor mexican woman is going to be making it as cheapy as possible, too? and she doesn't have to worry about appealing to anybody because her family is FORCED to eat her cooking whether it is good or not

>have lots of chemical additives.
do you even know what a chemical additive is? all matter is chemicals you imbecile

>The illiterate women are going to be using the recipe passed down for generations, with local, fresh, in season ingredients just how their family like it.
poor mexicans buy cheap shit in cans too you moron

stop romanticizing some ideal of the mexican woman slaving over her kitchen inside her little tin shack making delicious, authentic mexican food. it's all made-up

>>6722440
Not American, I was thinking of Taco Bell.

>>6722443
>implying mexicans can't get avocados for much cheaper than Americans and other Westerners can
>implying that her husband won't beat the shit out of her if she fucks up the guac
>having to resort to pedantry when we the fact that I specified "chemical additives" rather than just chemicals shows that they are adding extraneous ingredients to the product

lmao

>>6722443
>all matter is chemicals you imbecile

And speaking of imbeciles, surely you realize that in the context of a cooking discussion "chemicals" tend to refer to things like artificial preservatives, texturizing or stabilizing agents, colors, and so on. They're shortcuts to doing the job properly.

>>6722440
>Some random Mexican grandma has a lifetime of cooking experience. She's not in any hurry. She can buy ingredients from whomever she wants and she can cook it however she likes.
have you actually met a mexican grandma or are you just talking out of your ass? i'm mexican and confirm that most grandma's are mean, old women who cook like shit. i would more than gladly trust a trained chef over my own grandma anyday who last time i went over there served me un-seasoned boiled chicken on white bread that was still RAW in the middle

>>6722443
>don't you think that the poor mexican woman is going to be making it as cheapy as possible, too?

Yep, but her "cheap" is better than corporate cheap. Grandma wants a chicken? She goes and finds a yardbird and kills it. That's so cheap it's basically free. And I'm sure it will taste much better than the frozen utility-grade chicken sold in 4,000 lb bulk packs that the big fast food chains are buying.

>>6722464
that's the most depressing sounding meal I've ever heard of

>>6722464
>would more than gladly trust a trained chef

Now where do you see one of those in a fast food restaurant?

and, I'm sorry to hear your grandma's cooking sucks.

>>6720227
If not a troll, you can go to their website, it shows how to make it.

>>6722464
This so fucking much.
My grandma made chilaquiles without salt! I didn't think that it would be that bad, but I was wrong

>>6722480
>Now where do you see one of those in a fast food restaurant?
in the corporate test kitchen coming up with the recipes you moron

>>6722348
PLEB FOREVER! WOOHOO MY STANDARDS SUCK!

> white table cloth Mexican or Central American restaurant makes it table side while you watch.
>>6722168
Anyone who has actually worked for a /chef/ would know they travel to Mexico, the Yucatan, and Central America, visiting homes of renowned local cooks for the express purpose of stealing recipe ideas. I've worked for four chefs who have done exactly that.

You've obviously no restaurant experience, and you've never been to the home of USA guacamole, San Antonio, whose only one thing they do right consistently (Sorry Spurs fans) is table side this-minute-fresh guacamole.

Stay pleb, though. Your corporate fast food imitation qwahk food substitute will power the next generation of cubicle slaves who will shine my shoes. The great Reddit apocalypse of 2015 will prove once and for all the hearty immortality of 4chan patrician master race. Bring your reddit friends, anon. We need you like natural selection needs predatory victims.

>>6721767

this is the real deal. i like adding milk or a tiny bit of olive oil to make it even more creamy.

>>6722348

kill yourself. your taste is shit andyou shouldnt be posting here.

>>6721527
>>6721620

don't listen to faglords shitting on you, they're just edgy teenagers

thinking it's cool to make people kill themselves is probably some of the dumbest shit i've come across in my six years of browsing 4chan.

the /b/ mentality still is strong. picture very much related.

>>6721581
>>6721796
>>6722395

>>6722443

literally embarrassing to read

>>6722664

>Stay pleb, though. Your corporate fast food imitation qwahk food substitute will power the next generation of cubicle slaves who will shine my shoes. The great Reddit apocalypse of 2015 will prove once and for all the hearty immortality of 4chan patrician master race. Bring your reddit friends, anon. We need you like natural selection needs predatory victims.

kek of a lifetime. BTFO

>>6720272
not true, the majority come from Cali but Mexico is the 2nd largest exporter of avocados

>>6720227
bro, crush it in, leave some small chunks, lemon juice, salt, onion, tomatoes, cilantro, done.

>>6722664
>white table cloth Mexican or Central American restaurant makes it table side while you watch.
but that anon was talking about grandma's and not "white table clothe restaurants" (white table clothes are totally passe in the restaurant biz btw)

and my standards don't suck, they're very high. I studied at Johnson & Wales, though I no longer work as a professional chef because the industry sucks

>>6722673
>lying
>on the internet
Absolutely pathetic

I live in mexico and it has lemon. Not lime, cilantro, cebolla and salt .the avocados of course dont gave to be green like opic. Also a more alavorated one you would ad serrano chilies and diced tomatoes.if u can hand le hot stuff that is all.ty

>>6723356
I see both in the post in question, and Mexican grandmas do not, in fact, waste all the effort to combine fresh and imminently perishable ingredients only to set them aside to rot for two hours before serving. Both those pictures from San Antonio are accurate. They do it tableside so that it is as fresh as they make where it was invented. Alton Brown is good on some things, wonky on others, but on this one, he's just got one step too many.

>>6721527
You must be the dumbest amerilard I've encountered with. Saying aguacate can't be afforded by mexicans because it's so expensive in your lard country, is like saying colombians dont really drink colombian coffee because is a very expensive product and of course their poverty won't allow them to buy it. Aguacate is so cheap in Mexico, we eat that shit just every fucking day with almost anything that has beef. Bow to your king, bitch,

>>6725300

oh it's a cringe thread now