/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>6607210
Add 0.25 Cups of Vegetable Oil, Montreal Steak Marinade

Mix well.

Now add your steak.

>>6607213
Picture of Marinade

>>6607215
Let the water boil down, and get some more water started for your pasta

>>6607218
Continue letting the water boil down, get some sauce cooking

(and yes, I really was up cooking at 4:50 am...

I had gone to bed at like 7pm yesterday (really tired), got up at 2 am, did my morning exercises, and got REALLY HUNGRY, hence why i'm making a steak at like 4:50 am)

>>6607220
Boil that water until all that's left is oil, seasoning, and steak

You don't want any water left in the pan.

Put everything on a plate, add red pepper to your pasta (and cheese). Garnish with Pillsburry Garlic Roll Crescent Things

And Caffeinated Kool-Aid

Ta-Da! You now have a super-breakfast.

Whirlpool makes ovens?! The fuck?!

slice the steak open so we can see that gray shoeleather interior.

>>6607227
>Whirlpool makes ovens?! The fuck?!
Yep. Guess they do.

>>6607233
K.

>>6607237
Let's try one more picture without the flash

>>6607242

so how tough is it?

is your jaw sore from chewing?

>>6607248
It's not the most tender thing in the world, but its not too tough either.

My jaw is fine

Next time i'm trying this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0RWJEOScToE

The only reason I didn't today, was for the same reason I chose to cook the steak in the marinade, instead of actually marinading it, I was STARVING and didn't want to wait.

>>6607224
> I can't cook for shit, the thread

why are you bodybuilders such sad-sacks when it comes to food? why did you not just pan-fry that meat? why?

This thead made me nauseous. Boiling steak is a joke, this must be a joke.

>>6607288
This guy isn't a bodybuilder and this definitely isn't a bodybuilder meal.

>>6607317
It is.

What's more pathetic is that anon is doing it on a website that is free from magical internet points.

Guess some people are that bored/lonely.

You start by coating every square inch of your steak with salt

Let it chill in the fridge for like 3 hours

>>6608513
Now rinse your steak off

>>6608515
Now get a shit-load of water, oil, and wine boiling.

(I've never cooked or drank alcohol before, so forgive me if I screw something up)

>>6608521

oh no, not this again.

just fucking fry it!

Now add a shit-load of seasoning to the mix. (i'm using all 4 at once)

Now mix.

Now add your steak

If your steak is beginning to question its existence, then you're doing well

>>6608524

This combined with your dry-brined steak, you're gonna die of sodium poisoning.

>>6608531
I have backup-food if this ends up tasting like shit

>>6608524
So how much are McCormick™ paying you?

>>6608524
>(i'm using all 4 at once)

Now throw out the rest of the wine because you don't drink, and alcohol is bad

(our steak won't be alcoholic because the alcohol boils out)

>>6608538
I know little of these shitty seasoning packets, but from what I do know nothing should clash.

>>6608525
>boiled steak
NOPE INDEED!

The fluid the steak is boiling in... is getting a little...
Viscous. (or rather, its viscosity appears to be increasing)

>>6607248
>is your jaw sore from chewing?

MOTHERFUCKER. THAT. IS. IT.
The reason that /fit/fags love well-done steak. It's a combination of a tolerance of bland food (oatz anyone?) with the need to continually exercise, hence the will to chew their shoe leather for an hour. If it was med rare, then they wouldn't need to do it.

Cannot unsee.

>>6608556
The pictures don't do it justice

It's really dark, and its consistency is nearing that of a syrup

I may be about ready to remove the steak

>>6608556

there must be starch or flour in your seasoning packets.

you've inadvertently made a gravy.

mite be good, if it's not too salty.

maybe you can toss some potatoes and vegetables in there and have a stew.

Is this faggot serious with the 2+ MB jpgs?

This shit is seriously turning into a fucking syrup.

The Kool-Aid man would be so horny if here were here right now, meeting this lovely-liquid

>>6608572
>2015
>STILL complaining about high res images
Holy shit anon, it's not expensive to upgrade in this day and age...

>>6608557
is excessive chewing bad for you? Like will you just wear your jaw out or something or can it be beneficial

This shit is so thick, the bubbles aren't even popping anymore

Step Whatever: Remove steak. Wash off the gross-gravy-shit.

>>6608614
That shit looks tainted as fuck dude, rest in pieces

>>6608547
Ffffffffffff-

Last Step:

After washing that shit off your steak, put on plate, and garnish with pasta, rolls, pie, and bread. (and caffeinated kool-aid)

Prepare for the greatest feast of your life.

he does retarded things so that we don't have to

>>6608657
you know you can just buy pre cooked food, right?

Why is my steak still kinda pink in the middle?

I boiled that shit for fucking forever. It should not be pink.

>>6608657
>eating like this
For what reason?

>>6608669
Holy shit I posted >>6608671 to early. That is fucked up and I can HONESTLY say that I have never seen a piece of meat cooked that badly before. It looks like jerky.
>kill yourself my man

>>6608657
>>6608669

Thanks for doing this so we won't have to OP. You are a true American hero.

>>6608657
Dear god, that's about 8000 cal in one meal.
Let's say a prayer for this misguided anon, because I'm fairly sure he's done for.

Steak and spaghetti?!

>>6608677
Welp, I couldn't eat it all, so...

Besides, i'm about to go burn it all off. (hopefully)

I'm going to do a jog/walk mixture for around 2 hours. (7.2 miles) That's basically 3 laps around my daily circuit. (which i've already walked twice today)

>>6608534

>if

>This thread.

>>6608669

OP are you a chef a Noma?

>>6608669

This is what happens when someone with 0 cooking skills think they can just make shit up.

>>6609016
Don't you >bretty good me!
Even if it was
>>6609016
>bretty good

>>6608669
OP you might actually be a god damned wizard.

You somehow managed to make beef jerky by boiling a steak.

All this amazing feedback...

Thanks guys!

>>6609128
No prob, fella. Though uh. I know you're probably not going to answer this seriously if aren't being real, but were you serious with this? It seems like a really good joke, and I just need to know.

>>6609140
I am seriously waiting for a job interview on Wednesday, and willing to do whatever spur-of-the-moment activities capture my interest, in order to pass the time.

Interpret that how you will.

Though I did end up eating the food, so...

>>6608513
you should try this, its basically the same thing except with fire
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q5y2voEWJ6U

>>6607210
Looks gross, but it makes for an entertaining thread.
I love anything that can rustle /ck/'s shit so bad that the entire board hates you for it
I hope it tasted good, and that you had fun doing it.

>>6607257
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0RWJEOScToE

This is really good for cheap meat, but what's the point OP? It's going to be tough and tasteless after boiling the fuck out of it regardless of what prep work you put into it beforehand. You may as well microwave it and then cover it with the ketchup from your gross ass spaghetti.

>>6608657
Holy shit. I saw the pies and laughed.

>select all the images with steak

>>6608657
I love the giant fucking loaf of french bread on the side.
I imagine the croissants go first, then the bread just gets ripped off in giant fistfulls and rubbed into the spaghetti

this is hands-down the best board

>protein
>carbs
>more carbs

i'd like to think OP is simply trolling CK by wasting food in the most disgusting way and not actually eating any of this.

but i think OP might actually be this fucking stupid and probably mentally fucked

>>6608547
>Putting a lambrusco in your food
>Dumping a perfectly good old world wine

You were fucked from the beginning you waste of flesh. I hope the salt takes you as it did me.

>>6608657
>Waaaa alcohol is bad for me!
>Lemme just shove 18 pies, a truck load of noodles and a whole cow into my ravenous gabbering maw and wash it down with literal sugar water

Natural selection finds a way.

>>6608732
wow man you need to finish that shit, there are starving children in america.

>>6609540
>drunkfag telling someone else that they are a waste of flesh
Tee fucking hee.

>>6609873
>Tee fucking hee.

>>6608601
you know those men that women find to be sexy that have well defined cheeks and jaw lines instead of a round pudgy face? that is from eating over done steak building the facial muscles up. you're welcome

>>6608732
you finished the most important part. your brotein. good job brah

>cooking with Lambrusco

This is actually the only thing that really triggers me in this thread.

>>6608547
well done!

>>6608524
lelwat are you doing nigga? are you retard?

>>6608669
looks and probably feels and tastes like dry tafelspitz.

Why

>>6609128
Charles, I just want to let you know that I hate you.

>>6610095
I shall allow it.

>>6608547
>that shirt

THIS IS "OP THE COMPLETE AND UTTER NOOB" THAT IS AN MLP HORSE FUCKING FAGGOT I JUST KNOW IT IS

but you're super poor and I don't remember what your kitchen looks like so maybe I'm wrong

>>6609936
I never understood the idea of Tafelspitz. There is perhaps no worse way of cooking meat than boiling, yet this was the favorite of some emperor. Fuck it.

>>6610453
Ironic that i'm german (German in blood, American in nationality) and I've never heard of Tafelspitz.

The reason I boil my meat (whether it be steak or sausage or whatever) is actually for safety reasons.

When you cook meat in a pan, and let its own grease be the cooking-conduit... it is actually possible to cook, and brown the meat, while having the inside still be raw.

It happens if you try to cook the meat too fast.

But by filling the pan with water, the cooking conduit is now... water. Which cannot get any hotter than 212 Fahrenheit, without vaporizing.

This forces the meat to cook at a slower rate.

By the time you boil all the water out of the pan, the meat will usually be thoroughly cooked, but will not have browned or burnt.

If you want to brown your meat, you can always do so after all the water is boiled out.

In short: I boil my meat because it makes it nearly impossible for the meat to appear done, while still being raw in the middle.

Its something my mother taught me when I was younger, because I used to burn my meat while having it still be raw. She said if I always boiled my meat, I'd never have to have that food-safety concern. And so I have always boiled my meat.

>>6610570
>typing like this

>>6610572
K, Jenkins.

Why don't you just go back to raiding your dungeons?

>>6610570

How pathetic do you have to be to be this scared of getting sick from fresh meat? Jesus, man, do you even go outside without a protective bubble?

>>6608556
>its viscosity appears to be increasing

Viscosity intensifies.

>>6610579
I jog every day.

Though I do always wear jeans and long sleeves to protect against bug bites and sunburn. (and brush, because some of my path involves going through this forest-y area)

I guess I'm just one of those cautious kind of people.

>>6610584
>jogging in jeans

holy shit

>>6610570
>i'm german
>I boil my meat

And people shit on Bongs? We have nothing on you guys.

>>6610587
People who think they NEED to wear shorts to jog make me laugh.

If you're serious about exercising, your wardrobe doesn't matter. Besides, the way I dress ensures I sweat MORE, which is a GOOD thing. (as long as you keep hydrated, I live in texas, and it gets pretty hot over here)

>>6610584
answer me. are you op the complete and utter noob?

>>6610591
That's what sweatpants are for you fucking doofus

>>6610584
>>6610591
Can we please ban this person from /ck/? Mods? Please? He's obviously a ponyfucker.

>>6610591

Jeans chafe and shit, what the fuck you jog in jeans in texas? Fucking hell. I work landscaping and a long sleeved shirt can be advisable because being under the sun from dawn till dusk sucks but bundling up to jog is retarded.

Also how is sweating a ton good, you're just going to rehydrate anyway...

This has to be b8

>>6610609
My thread is related to cooking. I'm actually even cooking as we speak. (just got started really; had to clean up from yesterday)

Should I post pics again?

Also, how exactly does jogging in jeans make me a ponyfucker? I don't follow.

>>6610612
I don't 'bundle up', I just wear what I normally wear. I'm not going to buy "exercise clothing" or "sweat pants" just because the rest of the world thinks you need special clothing to exercise.

I exercise in my regular clothing.

And sweating is good, because your body eliminates more toxins by sweating, than it does through urination or defecation. When you sweat, you're cleaning your body. (just make sure to not only re-hydrate, but also to occasionally consume electrolytes, and sodium if you're REALLY sweating all your salt out)

Also : Life is bait.
The day you stop biting the bait, is the day you engage in the never-ending sleep, followed by rigormortis, followed by decomposition.
Bite the bait.
LIVE for the bait.
Be the bait.

>>6608669
that meat is kill op you better give up cooking.

>>6610628
I KNOW ITS YOU YOU HORSE FUCKER. YOUR AUTISM OOZES OUT OF EVERY WORD YOU TYPE

>>6610633
okie dokie, Loki.

Believe what you will. But i'm not him.

>>6610628
plz go

>>6610643
look m8 just admit youre the guy that used an entire bag of charcoal and had lighter fluid and stuff to make incredibly burnt burgers and hot dogs. I got nothing against you and enjoy your threads I just wanted to know if it was you.

>>6610628
>Should I post pics again?
plz do

>>6610661
Should I make another steak or two? or should I finish using up the sausage?

Or both?

>>6610667
well don't just cook the exact same thing for the third time in the same thread. maybe try to make something better this time?

>>6609546
>literal
No.

>>6610670
Sorry, need to use up the steak.

But I know a way we can shake things up a bit.
Let's fry the steak.

(Soon I won't be so poor anymore, I'm about to have a job that pays $20 / hr)

>>6610682
holy shit OP might actually cook

>>6610682
make sure to batter the steak first

>>6610689
doesn't matter he will kill it mark my word
this guy enjoys slaughtering innocent meat

>>6610689
Damn right i'm gonna cook!

>>6610694
>not using grape for frying steak

Peanut-Cherry Steak.

Yummy.

>>6610692
this
>>6610694
WHY?

>>6610697
Didn't have any grape.

>>6610707
is there anything in your house not purchased from walmart?

hey op im like you i do whatever i want. heres a pic of some of my maters that are going past ripe, will stew the shit out of them in a while to can them and kill bugs. i make 20 bucks an hour laying tile.

texan as well. i love my autist tendancies. and tendies too. anyway by im going to go get struck by lightning hopefully so i can get autism bux. just look for the red radar spot in north texas, its over me right now.

>>6609911
>>6609924

>>6610715
>maters
Plebeian.
>Texan
Double.

>>6610700

what, you've never heard of pairing cherry with steak?

can the mods ban ip addreses from flyover states?

>>6610708
I used to buy this veggie-pasta from super-target, but then I moved to the third-world (not really, I moved to a city just outside fort worth), and there isn't any good grocery store anywhere near here except walmart.

Moving right along.
That steak is cooking nicely.

>>6610732
you are a fucking imbecile
what will be next pour ketchup on that poor tortured to death steak?

>>6610732
why do you always eate those rolls

ITS FUCKING HIM, OP FUCKS HORSES

I still intend to boil my sausage

>>6610738
Because they're amazing

>>6610743
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU I FUCKING KNEW IT WAS HIM AND HE TOLD ME RIGHT HERE ITS NOT HIM

>>6610643
FUCK YOU FAGGOT FUCK YOU I KNEW IT WAS YOU

>>6610752
boiling sausage sounds worse than boiling steak.

is it still considered sausage if it's sold without casing? seems like just ground meat to me.

>>6610743
what is this

>>6610743
And hello to you too, my faithful stalker.
Have you brought me any presents? You're not coming inside unless you've brought me something to demonstrate your obsessive nature over my habits, and love for my persona.

Come back when you've brought me a present.

>>6610761
he used to post as a namefag as OP the complete and utter noob and he is a confirmed horse fucker.

>>6610763
what happened to your last job OP? your place is nicer than I remembered

>>6610761
It's proof that OP is a horsefucking pony faggot who comes here to shit up our board

>>6610767
>>6610769
I don't care about your weird vendetta about this guy.

I just want to know what that is a picture of.

>>6610769
>>6610767
Now that we know that, stop feeding the thread. It wants attention, don't give it what it wants.

>>6610767
>what happened to your last job OP?
Ugh. What do you think happened? The same thing that always happens.

I got tired and bored, and stopped showing up.

It's OK though, because this recruiter got me a much higher paying job. Maybe I'll actually keep this one.

>>6610775
>tired and bored
>stopped showing up
>TO WORK
>recruiter
I thought Texas killed faggots like you?

>>6610773
looks like he made a cheese burger

>>6610773
its an attempt at a cheeseburger.

>>6610775
your uniform was a fucking tshirt and gym shorts. you got fired for trying to diddle little kids at a camp

>>6610782
>>6610784
>cheeseburger
thank you. i never would have figured it out.

>>6610694
WOULD YOU PLEASE STOP? You're fucking insane.

Now we just gotta wash off our steak.

Another day, another successful meal.

Spaghetti W/ Sausage
Peanut-Fried Cherry-Steak.
And Garlic Crescent Roll things.

>>6610795
You're washing away all of that delicious cherry flavor.

>>6610803
Nah, I'm eating it now, and I can assure you its a VERY TANGY steak.

They cherry flavor cooks into the steak.
We're just washing off the top layer.

Alright chefs, for the entrée round you must use discount steak, cherry kool-aid mix, crescent roll dough, and premade pies. You have 30 minutes

>>6608547
didn't this guy post here before and brag about being rich and wasting food or something?

or maybe I'm remembering wrong

>>6610856
>brag about being rich
That can't be right.
I've never been rich.

>>6610865
Must've confused you for someone else. Anyway, please kill yourself, ponyfucker.

I've never seen anyone cook like this. I'm amazed. You're also taking the trolling/criticisms well, I applaud you for that.

You do know that there's nothing wrong with eating steak that isn't well done though, right? As long as the outside is seared then it's okay to eat.

Does this stuff taste good to you? What other stuff do you enjoy eating? When you go out, is that food too weird for you? Since you eat like this...

>>6607224

>breakfast

I died

>>6608669

this actually looks significantly better than the first steak at least

>>6610802
the steak looks like its been marinating in a menstruating vagina over night

>>6610570

if you're going to braise it, you should use meat that is more appropriate for that cooking method. steaks are too lean.

raw un-ground beef is not really a food safety concern at all but you know this already since this whole thread is just amazing bait but shit I still have to say it

>>6610940
>it's red
>LOL PERIODS BLOOD EWW AMIRITE GUISE?!?!?

>>6610976
Amy pls

>>6610976
>AMIRITE GUISE
Yes.

Did you get over your drug addiction?

>>6610570
I don't know if this has been pointed out or not but (with beef) the microorganism that is responsible for food poisoning (E. coli) is really only ever on the outside of the meat--it doesn't get inside. Therefore, you can eat a steak rare and not risk anything. As long as the outside is cooked, the inside can be raw.

Now, the situation is very different with other meats because they more commonly harbor different microorganisms--cook your chicken and pork all the way through!

As another aside, I should point out that you're not really boiling your meat. Technically, your poaching it since you're cooking it in a flavorful liquid. It's not normally done with steak (since you don't really need to cook beef all the way through) but it's a tasty technique with chicken.

>>6610795
>mfw I have that same Ikea colander.

Damn I had to make a steak cooked properly because of this thread. Fuck you op.

>I live in Texas
>This guy does as well
>I live in the same state as this noob
Brb killing myself with sweatpants and fried steak

>>6611333

a bunch of water is gonna pour out of those mushrooms and onions.

you're gonna boil your steak just like op.

>>6611337
Hell no, I know what i'm doing.
Pic related. Look at that shit.

This is what a proper steak looks like.

>>6611355
>Medium Rare
I respect your opinion but disagree. If I wanted partially raw meat, I'd eat the animal live.

Pan fried steak why not take the time 2 do it right? No grill?

>>6611355
Looks good, not a big rice fan tho

>>6611355

a proper steak has browned crust. your steak has barely any browning.

water is the enemy of the mallard reaction. never crowd you pan with too much meat, or cook it with vegetables.

>>6611380
FUCKING THIS

Everyone makes shit steaks that look wet and floppy. Too low of heat is the problem.

>>6611380

MFW I need to reseason my cast iron.

>>6611428
>falling for the /ck/ seasoning cast iron meme
No professional chefs do this, you're just a cuck.

>>6611434

I'm a professional cuck.

Also my cast iron is rusty because I'm an awful father.

>>6611428
i actually just returned my cast iron to Target today because i bought it a month ago buying into meme shit then never used it.

got an enamel coated 6qt cast iron dutch oven though. what a delight

>>6611444

I got a modern Wagner's at a yard sale for like $5. Used it a few times, but then let it rust. Stuck it in the garage with the intention of seasoning it (hearing that's what you do to old rusty cast iron). Have been cooking good steaks and other nonsense just fine without it.

>>6610761
It's not the casing that makes sausagemeat sausage, it's the ratio of fat/meat. Sausagemeat is 20-30% fat. Ground meat tends to have less fat than that. Also, sausage is usually pre-seasoned.

>>6611379
>rice
it's clearly couscous

>>6611380
>mallard reaction

>>6611146
I... guess...

Honestly, I could stay clean for the next 80 years, but I'll probably always be an amphetamine addict.

Once you've... experienced that state... I don't think you can truly ever overcome the addiction, short of wiping every memory of it, and every memory of every moment you were under its influence.

The only wait to be free of the addiction, is to be ignorant to its effects. But once you've experienced it... you will always want it. I can choose to stay clean through force of will...

...but I will always want to return to that stimulated state.

I have to rip-up my prescriptions because I know if I keep that paper around, I will try to fill them.
And if I fill them, I will take them.

I cannot resist the urge to take them, if I can access them. It's easier to rip up the prescription, than to try to moderate my usage.

And honestly, i'm not even sure if I plan to stay clean forever. I'm just forcing myself to take a little break, to give my heart and liver a chance to heal for a while, before I start using again. (hence why i've not called my doctor and told them i'm a drug seeker; I can't bear to break my supply)

>>6611586
stay strong anon.
Get clean to the point where maybe you can make choices you'll be happy with in the future and the present.
It's not easy but if you fall into old habits you're only human.

>>6610674
>using literal as intended

yes, you unread fuck.

>>6608557
Are you retardo? /fit/ fags love bloody meat.

Source, /fit/-fag

>>6608657
those raleys store items :o

>>6610775
r u ignatius???

>>6611499
But those aren't mallards, anon.

>>6613068
Shhhh I was making a funny joke shhhhhh

>>6612994
hey I was scrolling by and wanted to say wtf I'm reading that book right now and kek'd

>>6610589
go buy some plastic knives without an adult and come back to us.

>>6608657
>not making it the South African way

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=caB5VTueduQ

>>6607224
what kind of fucking asshole eats spaghetti with no meat or vegetables.

>>6613203
was mesmerized by her south african/arabic(?) accent. wow. subscribed.

>>6611355
>proper steak
>non-existent crust
na m8.

I always forget that threads on /ck/ last for like 6.2 trillion years.

I made a steak all you mailiard-reaction fanatics can appreciate.

>>6610694
I FUCKING LOVE YOU

>>6613456
What do you mean? There's clearly a steak in that picture.

>>6610976

>>6608572
>hurr I only like to have a vague idea of what the picture actually is
It's not your ordinary fucking 2 colour weeaboo reaction image

>>6610802
man you better use those old fashioned peach pies soon before they go bad