/ck/ - Food & Cooking

Something with pecan in it. Girls love nuts.

I love glazed lemon poppy seed muffins. I think I've heard poppy seeds are an aphrodisiac or something. I'd fact check that if I were you though. Either way they're delicious. Good luck getting laid, OP.

>>6494068
piss off frog poster, go hire a gay hooker in chelsea

>>6494073
Aren't pecans actually seeds tho?

>>6494078
only when activated

slip a condom inside

>>6494078
Actually you're a faggot.

And that's why pecans are in mixed nuts.

Also how do I convey to her that I want both sex AND muffins if push comes to shove? I understand the implication of going to a grills house to "bake" but I really do want muffins and I reckon I can do both.

>>6494093
use icing to put vagina on a maffun and start licking it

>>6494093
You should want sex, push and shove come muf-

Oh fuck it I'm tired, bow chicka bow wow!

>>6494107
Bo w w o w w o w
ow
w
w
ow

Bow Wow Wow - I Want Candy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&v=aMICD3aMZpw

Heading out now cu/ck/s, wish me luck.

>>6494200

report back

choco mint or lemon poppyseed would be my play call in this tough down

>>6494115
MC Pee Pants - I Want Candy
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=diybDrSohHI

I hope OP is getting laid right now.

did the op get his penor wet?
did the suzie rotten crotch put out the baked goods?
does he have a stinky pinky?
i need closure

>>6494617

be cool, we asked for report back

>>6494667
but its been over 5 hours. How long do these transactions usually take?

>>6494699
all night?

>>6494699
well it shouldnt take this long for muffins...

>>6494699

>hang on sweet thing, gotta blast 4chan with my progress

hahahahahahaha

>>6494068
Muffin top girls are normally hard up for cock, find a muffin top.
If not you can do Cannabis butter chocolate muffins, physical pleasure is amplified when you eat them, inhibitions are lowered. Then start talking about why guys like riding on the back of the bus because the vibrations make them hard, or putting a base woffer/bin into the couch facing upwards and how girls come over and never want to get off the couch when the music is on.(say a friends or something or you heard a story).
Anything too get the girls thinking of pleasure and cock and pussy subliminally, that's normally enough to trigger. Don't need drugs for this method (like if you guys don't do weed) but it helps with the sensations.
Its a typical not well known trick,
then say things like "could you imagine being on that couch" and she will think of a pulsating rhythm on her pussy and naturally get wet.

>>6494068
just dont put the bun in the oven.

>>6494076
>poppy seeds are an aphrodisiac

Probably because people got stoned off the opium.

Anyway, blueberry muffins :3. You'll be eating those with her for breakfast if you catch my drift

>>6494734
You made me bust out laughing. Except I actually do this about certain things, but my gf doesn't mind. Not sex though.

>>6494087
Best /ck/ meme

Put one of those magical pills they've got in doujins inside to make her go into "Kyaa! My hips are moving on their own!" mode in an instant

Weed ones

>>6494068
Throw dark chocolate in there. Dark chocolate gets women horny.

Still here lmao

>>6494068
ITs just a ploy to get you to impregnator her so she can take half of all your goods forever.
Dont do this the op!

>>6494068
Blueberry

>>6494556
>>6494229
>>6494667
>>6494699

I'm back. I was back last night technically but it was after midnight so I headed straight to sleep.

Didn't get laid. Did get my dick sucked. She was pretty average at it.

But the whole thing was a disaster. First, while we were making out on the couch waiting for muffins to bake her stupid "I come from tumblr but NOT in peace" pink-haired lard-beast of a roommate kept interrupting us on purpose. She'd walk through the room and then talk to the qt I was there to see about trivial shit that was designed to make us stop rubbing our faces all over each other.

But worst of all is that I got there ready to make some fucking muffins, and she busts out a box mix. A fucking box mix. Just add a bit of oil, water, and an egg. That's not okay. They were just chocolate chip muffins but they had that chemical sweetener taste. TBH I left them all there for her. Gunna make me some muffins of my own today.

>>6496072
I made these yesterday, pretty good. Give them a try if you like strawberry.

http://www.onceuponachef.com/2015/05/strawberry-muffins.html

Truly, threads in which the OP is trying to use cooking as a conduit for sexual fulfilment are when /ck/ hits its stride. Strange to think I have several memories of these kind of quality threads.

OP just invite her to your place, tell her you think you can one-up the muffins you made with her.

The trick is to have them all preprepared in a pentagram when she arrives with icing vaginas already on them. Make sure it's obvious that you have licked each individually. Her pants will be off so fast she'll accidentally wax - it's a win win.

>>6496072
>>6496072
Those mummins were a power up for you to throw at the tumblerbeast. you were not suppost to eat them.
Do you even text based adventure?

>>6496100
Sides have been sent to Valhalla

Bake and bed.
After you put the muffins in the oven, look at her and be like:
"You know, we got like..40 minutes to pass. I know a great way to do that."
I'll let you fill in the rest, go get her.

>>6496088
You sound like an absolute faggot

>>6496112
Toe sucking first?

>>6496112
It was technically our first "date" and tumblr-beast was throwing us off the vibe every ten minutes, the way the house shook as she walked down the hall.

>>6496088
I have often used cooking as a date idea. I'm just disappointed this time because the girl presented herself as actual wifey material who could cook, but turns she's more like #wifeymaterial who can cook anything that comes in a box or can. At least I got a handful of dat ass.

>>6496171
You do not want a wifey anyways anon. She just wants your goods.
DO not fall for this. Get some love, wear of the condom, rinse the condom in the sink.
GO HOME!

>>6494068
Best muffins to get laid?
>stud muffins
Best muffins to get you shot?
>dindu muffins

>>6496295
10/10 jesus fuck anon

>>6496295

>>6496312
I'll be here all week, try the veal!

>>6494082
kek'd

You can put anything in a muffin really, what kind of food does she like?

Or just do some classic muffins like blue berry or banana strawberry with strussle topping.

You could also bake your dick into the bottom of the pan and when she goes to grab one she grabs your dick and starts to furiously jerk you off.

>>6496198
Look it's not like I'm searching for a wife but she sends pictures without having to ask and apparently sucks dick freely, so it's not like I'm going to do a 360 and moonwalk away.

>>6496337
Kekasaurous

>>6494771

This thread is epi/ck kek

>>6495080

that's actually supposed to refer to Spanish Fly, the Japs went absolutely nuts over the stuff before WWII, its a long standing meme

>>6496072

woowoowoowowowoooowowooooooooo gyang!

holy shit this thread even has a
>fatpeoplestory
in it, this is amazing, thank you OP

>toasting in epic bread

Nut into the batter when she goes to the washroom. I have it on good authority that this puts a woman in heat. It's got hormones and shit in it.

bran muffins

Cinnamon muffins

I'd have sex with anyone who came over and cooked me that, so I'm pretty sure anyone would do the same.

>>6496072
If she's pulling out a box mix, bail. Basic bitches should be left to the bros and their dad bods. Never settle for #wifeymaterial.

Anyone want to see the muffins I made? Technically not muffins but an adapted loaf recipe which I do in muffin size for convenience, but they're good.

>>6497184
Fuck should have done that.

>>6497200
But m8 she's cute and wears thongs/G-strings on a daily basis. That is my fucking fetish.

>>6497150

>>6497225

>implying there aren't tons of women who wear thongs/G-strings on a daily basis AND cook well

Apply yourself homie.

>>6497320
It's not that common in my country.

>>6497532
Doesn't matter. I've been making easy rise breads and muffins since I was fucking 10. No excuses. She doesn't like to cook she likes to read directions and be lazy.

>>6497536
;_;

>>6497536
In my experience, the ones who cook are usually lazy. It seems like they learn to cook so they can latch onto a husband and avoid getting a real job.

>>6497892
>man can't cook
What a lazy fuck, expecting his wife to do it for him!

>man can cook
Good. A man should know how to cook and not leave it all up to the woman. Also make sure to still work those 55 hour weeks and by the way the fairest way to split dinner cooking duty is for you to do 4 nights of the week because I take Stella to ballet on Sundays.

>girl can't cook
YOU GO GURRLLL SHOW THE PATRIARCHY THAT YOU AINT GONNA LET THEM KEEP RAPING YOU

>girl can cook
You now possess all the qualifications you need to get a husband. You'll have to take Stella to ballet on Sundays but your husband will pay the credit card bill so those new shoes are within reach!

>>6496115
You sound like you blow boat people for a living while visualising your dad and uncle.

>>6494839
>You'll be eating those with her for breakfast if you catch my drift

No, I don't.

>>6497909
I was going to say something but I realized I'd be instantly accused of being a female feminazu cucked SJW and the pitchfork mob would assemble in your defense, so why even bother trying to have a rational discussion about these issues

>>6497909
You sound butthurt. What happened anon? You can share your pain. It's a safe place here.

>>6497933
At least you admit to being a SJW.

>>6497933
You need to get some Tom Leykis in your life.

>>6497933
if you let a woman get the upper hand she will cuck you and resent you for it.

>>6497983
I agree wholeheartedly, most normies would call me a misogynist. But it's one thing to have a healthy sense of self-preservation about women, and quite another to have such a defeatist attitude as that guy here >>6497909

>>6497969

No idea who that is, I googled him and he looks like a fat AM radio personality that probably caters to a small audience of creepy loners.

>>6497990
single largest podcast following on the planet.