/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>6417008
>friend decides to cook for several of us
>he says hes gonna make spaghetti
>i get there he is boiling the noodles
>i ask where the sauce is
>he points to a jar of generic brand sauce
>i tell him that he can't serve this to humans
>i turn off the stove
>get him into my car
>we drive to supermarket (not walmart. fuck walmart i never go there for anything.)
>i bring through the isles pointing out all the proper things to put in a spaghetti sauce
>we grab ground beef, tomato sauce with pieces of tomato in it, garlic, onion, various spices, oregano, basil, lemons, olive oil, and red wine.
>we get back to his place
>he dump the pasta and starts a new pot
>i grab him a sauce pot
>this guy was gonna pour the tomato sauce in first
>i tell him he can make the pasta but im going to make the sauce
tuned out fantastic and everyone was congratulating him on how great the sauce was. we decided since he said he would make it all we left out the part about me making the sauce.

>>6417008

Did you ask him how?

>>6417008
My old 26 y/o roommate used to make peanut butter and vinegar sandwiches. He would chew up the entire sandwich in his mouth without swallowing, then blast some water in his mouth with a bottle then gulp it all down. Yes he was legitimately autistic and wasn't allowed to have a drivers license.

>>6417065
What were the lemons for?

>>6417066
Friend had already left by the time I got home, and my fiance is cooking inept for everything other than Shepherd's Pie and had no idea anything was wrong with the ingredients gotten.

Next time I see him I will absolutely ask, maybe he thought he could use cumin in place of chiles? Blech.

>>6417071
you brown the ground beef. then you set it to the side and you mix in salt, pepper, minced garlic, and fresh squeezed lemon juice. then after mixing thoroughly you add into the sauce that you had simmering in the mean time.

>>6417071
To light the stove, obviously.

>>6417008
>fiance
>MY kitchen
jesus christ...

>A package of ground turkey even though there is ground beef in the freezer
Maybe he didn't want the ground beef. Maybe he wanted to eat some fucking turkey and bought it when you were out because he didn't want to hear you bitch and nag him when he was buying it.
>3 containers of different brand of yogurt
Maybe he doesn't like your brand of yogurt. Or maybe he didn't want to hear you bitch about using all the yogurt so he bought some more.
>new containers of spices
Maybe it's the same situation as the yogurt, or he wasn't sure what spices he already had (I doubt you allow him to spend a lot of time in YOUR kitchen).
>3 cans of beans and corn
Yeah, 6 whole cans of non-perishable, commonly used foods is a damn tragedy. The worst part is that someone else paid for it all. What kind of asshole gives you food for free?

>fiance is going to try to cook something new
>using free food
>I bitch about it
Kill yourself.

>>6417135
kissless virgin detected.
Who the fuck wants to eat ground turkey?

>>6417135
Damn your booty has gone nuclear

>>6417165
>>6417173
He's right though. Dumb bitch complaining about stupid shit.

>>6417165

Dunno what you're talking about anon. Ground turkey meatballs with ginger, chillis, garlic, coriander and green onions are delicious.

>>6417065
>friend is going to cook
>inset assburgers
>collect GBP

>>6417065
>using spices in tomato sauce for pasta
>using oregano and basil together in the same tomato sauce for pasta
Stopped reading right there.

>dad cooks steak
>in the oven
>well done
>mountains of ketchup

>mom bakes chicken
>bakes all the liquid out of it
>uses no seasoning

>dad cooks burgers
>on the stove
>until they're grey and dry

>mom makes enchiladas
>adds so much cayenne that it's inedible
>baked chicken inside is overcooked

My parents are extremely health-conscious, but so much so that it makes the food disgusting. Funny enough, I'm the only one in our immediate family who hates their cooking. That's why I never visit.

They do make some bomb-ass chicken fried steak and brisket tacos though. Holy fuck.

>>6417065
but where is the
>contadina's salt sauce?
>canola oil poured into sauce?
>crudely chopped garlic and onion fried until black
>garlic powder covering APPROXIMATELY 1/2 the pot

you dun goofed breh, this you did not make Anon's Homemade Italian Tomato Sauce from Italy

>>6417008
>2015
>not using ground turkey in place of ground beef

Roommate marinades steaks with lemon juice, cinnamon, cajun seasoning, curry powder, black pepper, garlic pepper, red pepper, and dried lemon peel. Pic related for hours.

>>6417261
The steak thing is what my family does. All the fucking time. You have to drown it in steak sauce to make it edible. My dads grilled steak isn't much better, either.

>>6417008
>best friends with a /mu/fag
>she's in college for music tech while I work as a line cook and go to school for business
>I know next to nothing about various genres and styles of music and the only thing she knows how to make is fried eggs
>while we rarely see each other unless it's my two off days, every night I make a really nice meal, usually healthy but sometimes I'll go balls to the wall in butter
>while I'm showing her how to cook shit, she's playing a 'genre of the day' in the background, which is a playlist of some obscure genre she's learning about
>tfw we are basically the greatest pair of friends to ever exist

Feels good, bruhs. feels good.

Tomorrow since it's my off day and I don't have any classes, I'm going to teach her how to make a mojo marinated flank steak, guacamole, walnut viniagrette for this arugula salad, and japanese cheese cake, she's going to show me this weird fucking genre called 'witch house', and then we're both going to attempt to make some elaborate cocktail. It's gonna be great.

>>6417481
What's wrong with that?

>>6417135
Seriously fuck

>>6417481
have you tried it?

>>6418041
do you fugg

>>6417481
>lemon juice

w-what?

>>6418147
Seems a little too far all over the place...

>>6419452
you should trust in the lemon. it makes everything better.

>>6419445
nah mang we're both hetero as fuck

We are kind of platonically married though

>>6417008
>this never happened

>>6419432
Nope nope nope because
>>6419475
It smells weird in a bad way.

>>6417254
Shit, nigga. I remember when I made that pic.

>>6417008
>>6417065
these two anons make me happy for I dont have to be with them

>Roommates son making krafts mac n cheese
>Measures out water indicated on box
>bring to boil
>adds noodles
>adds butter
>adds cheese packet
>adds milk
>lets water boil out

NIGGA WHAT ARE YOU DOING

>>6418041
>witch house

>>6418041
>music tech
I hate those fags, why can't they do a real music degree?

>go to college
>learn how to make light, fluffy, creamy scrambled eggs with bits of cream cheese mixed in
>go back home for christmas
>realize mom cooks scrambled eggs until its rubbery yellow clumps, nearly inedible
>can't go back to that after learning my techniques
>make myself eggs one day
>"anon how can you eat that those eggs look undercooked!"
I realized my mother overcooks everything. I also had hated pork my whole life because they were dry, leathery, chewy, hunks of meat whenever she made them.

>>6418041
This story is shit why did you even bother

>>6417065
>actually buying readymade tomato sauce
fucking kek
>sauce first
Why not? Fucking autist, pouring the pasta in after boiling works just as well

>>6418041
Not your personal blog faggot

>>6421289
Are you me? I thought I hated pork chops and steak until I learned to cook them myself.

>>6418041
> Great blog post bro
In all seriousness, though, listen to ooOoO. Damn good witch house.

>>6417224
agreed

>>6419589
oh God, this is cringe

>>6417087
I want you to know that I got this reference anon.

>>6423974
thats not necessarily a reference okay because listen dude - its 5 words. it could just as well be a coincidence and wouldnt you look stupid then. heh.

>>6418041
tfw no /mu/gf seriously i dont think girls are capable of composing or appreciating good music. Name me agood female artist who writes music. Name me a proficient female guitarist. Every girl ive met listens to bullshit. Then some pretended to like good movies and records so they could fit in with the guys but they never advanced past pink floyd and star wars, fucking sloots. Sometimes i wish i was just gay but most guys are almost as bad and i am not sexually attracted to them. Fuck.

>>6417008
>>6417065
>>6417261
>>6417481
>>6418041
>>6421122
>>6421289
>blast techno

>>6424004
pic related

>>6424004
>date] [Auto] No new posts
taylor swift

>>6424004
as if girls talk to u LOL

only the most beta of virgins try to make themselves seem more interesting by LISTENING to obscure music no one cares about

do you ever just read what you write and think about it, you sad neckbeard

>>6421289
Same. Friend cooked scrambled eggs once and my mind was blown. Realized that my family completely overcooked their eggs. I don't mind though. Eggs are eggs.

Beef though. My family cooks it completely done to the point where you can't even chew it. When I was a kid, I didn't know that meat could be rare, medium etc.

>>6417065
>i bring through the isles pointing out all the proper things to put in a spaghetti sauce
>i bring through the isles pointing out all the proper things
>i bring through the isles
>i bring through
>isles

>>6424004
>this level of projection
face it anon, you're gay.

>at friend's house to watch college football
>friend of friend declares himself the grilling king
>nobody allowed to grill except him
>asks how black we like our hamburgers, hotdogs, and chicken breast
>laugh
>he's serious

>>6417065
>I tell him that he can't serve this to humans
Do you have autism?

>>6425343
hai

>>6425336
Fucking christ

>Mom goes to the farmers market and gets mushrooms for me. She gets button mushrooms instead of Portobello like I'm used to.
>I go along with it, just happy to have more mushrooms since I'm a mushroom freak.
>Goes to saute them on the kitchen stove. (Can't spell for shit, man.)
>Everything is going great. Doing them like I'd do Portobello with the seasonings, liquid smoke, and Worcester sauce.
>Decides to add a couple new spices.
>Smells a burnt smell.
>"Oh shit, I gotta get these out the pan."
>Does so
>Smell remains..only burnt spice is in the air.
>Everyone including me starts coughing really bad.
>Has to move laptop to my room and shut the door.
>Feels awful
>Smell stays the whole night
>Mushrooms tasted like shit
>Banned from cooking mushrooms ever again

>>6417065
You sound like an intollerable cunt

>>6417165
>calling a woman out on being a bitch
You're the kissless virgin if you wouldn't do this.

>implying it's a woman and not a gay man

>>6417286
Underbreaded toast.

>>6423982
#autism speaks

>>6419589
So you are a grill? Post tits pl0x. Both of you.

>>6417261
>>mom bakes chicken
>>bakes all the liquid out of it
>>uses no seasoning

My Grandmother does this except she covers it in that generic store breading, so it's like eating a chicken-flavored shoe covered in bread crumbs.

>>6425666
yeah that's how life works though. i get to be a cunt with friends. you get to be kissless virgin in moms basement. i'm fine with being a cunt. you should learn to make friends so you can understand the language differences used between friends and the general public.

>mom is sick
>dad is in charge of making dinner
>offer to help but he yells at me
>takes a package of ground beef
>sections it into 4 portions
>doesn't form the patties
>just puts the ground beef sections on a pan
>puts salt and pepper and seasonings over them
>flips them and puts cheese on top of some
>serves it to us like this
>make mom and I soup in secret

You tried Dad, you tried.

>Landlady asks for help with some video editing for her business since she knew I did that sort of thing.
>Offers some money and a few dinners to make up for the discounted price.
>Mostly terrible food prepared in a "healthy" manner like chicken cooked on a Foreman grill until it became leather.
>Don't really complain because she's only giving me tiny portions so I have to cook for myself, anyway.
>The worst dish, though, was a meatloaf that she tried to add sesame seeds to.
>She probably only has experience eating sesame seed buns where most of the oils bake out because she added way, way, WAY too many for this type of dish.
>Not a picky eater but even I couldn't stomach more than a bite of her seasameloaf.
>She tries to apologize the next day because she evidently served me before tasting it herself.

>>6417135
I sense deep unresolved issues between you and the women of your family

>mom is making chicken breasts
>puts raw chicken into a cold pan on the stove
>"anon, are you hungry yet, when should i start the stove?"

now whenever i go over to my mom's for dinner i take total control of the cooking

>>6417135
I understand most of what he did (probably a crappy old recipe written by a non-Texan who hates spices) but even so who the heck puts corn in chili?

Gay marriage is illegal OP

>>6426579
>>6426594
>>6418184
>>6417173
>>6417165
Not that guy but the beta whiteknight force is on form today.

Seriously what the fuck is the OP even complaining about? The guy was going to use cummin in his chilli con carne? Wow crucify him.

>>6417070
Honestly never heard of something so basic, yet so revolting.

>>6417481

For some reason, when I got to cajun seasoning, I thought that said Capri Sun and wtf'd externally.

>>6421122

Interestingly that is how you would make some styles of real mac. Did he know that ,or was he being shit?

My brother mixes soy sauce and chili powder together to marinate steak.

>cooking board
>thread bitching about other people's tastes and ways of doing things

If my prejudices are correct there are a lot of women here this evening. Hi ladies. How's it going?

>>6417224
Booyah dip it in some sweet chili sauce

>>6421289
Sucks for you guys, both my parents were/are awesome cooks.

I used to live with 4 grills (blessing/curse) and one only ate microwaved canned tuna and liqour. She was a bartender and a constant drunk. She was really hot but had huge huge tits and ass but terrible teeth and poor hygiene. Anyway her pussy smelled like a rotten pig carcass stuffed with starkist tuna. I went down on her a few times and was like...... Bleaaaaaaaarrrrfffffff. She tried cooking spaghetti once and started a fucking fire, she tried to boil raw noodles in olive oil (for flavor). I love her and her big titties and affinity for classic Mario kart but Jesus Christ. That Sloot stank and started fires everytimee she wasn't eating canned tuna and tequila.

>>6419589
LONDON?
O
N
D
O
N
?

>>6426618
>projecting

>>6426865
>she tried to boil raw noodles in olive oil (for flavor)
Wat?

>>6426739

I genuinely have no idea what he was thinking. We ended up agreeing to throw out what he was making, and i made a new box instead and ate half.