/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>6397045
>bbbqfag comes back and starts to make himself a sandwich
>asks why there's no bbq sauce
>"oh yeah last of it was used on the pork"
>"we looked for more at the grocery overstock place where we shop, but it was in a giant $20 barrel and we didn't want to buy it"
>he spots the sauce bottle on the shelf, which i hadn't thrown away because it was right next to a bunch of oil and vinegar bottles and I didn't notice
>starts to put it on his sandwich
>we tell him it was sitting out for 3 days
>he doesn't care
>"you want bbq sauce that badly?"
>"yeah"
>he gets sick later that day, spends the entire evening barfing
>next day he goes to the store
>returns with a giant bottle, like over a quart
>makes sandwich
>realizes that the bottle he got WASN'T EVEN BBQ SAUCE.
>it was something labeled "sweet and savory saute sauce and marinade"
>he gets really sad that he went all that way for this
>i laugh at him for not reading the label
>he pours it on his sandwich anyway
>eats the sandwich with the bottom brown and drippy with the marinade
I don't even know anymore, /ck/.

>>6397045
>have roommate
>uses America's test kitchen as 'the best cookbok of all time anon'
>constantly thinks he's a "foodie"
>has gained the freshmen 15 about 4x over
>has landwhale SJW gf
>come home after shift at "local organic" french bistro
>pay is shit but workbros are cool
>"anon I made fried chicken!"
>literally flour covering my entire kitchen
>he deep fried it in one of my shallow pans
>oil all over the stove
>chicken is dark, dark brown
>"I made 4 packs of chicken thighs so we can have it whenever we want!"
>too fucking tired for this shit
>have a quick shower and gtfo to the bar
>come home drunk as fuck
>kitchen still a complete mess
>reeks of shitty fried chicken
>fuck it, might as well have some delicious fried chicken
>can't find it in fridge
>what the fuck
>it's in the freezer?
>he put all the fried chicken fully cooked into one ziploc bag
>plastic has partially melted
>he put it in the bag hot
>have to chip away at plastic fried chicken with a knife
>give up and go to bed
>wake up, want to go yell at roommate
>"hey anon i flew home to see my parents for the week! see you later!"
>I have to clean the entire kitchen
>mfw

>>6397045

>rotate cooking

why does this seem like a really bad idea that everyone does anyways

>>6397074
Americas test kitchen is a pretty decent cookbook

>>6397131
oh hey scott clean up the fucking fried chicken mess you cunt

>Claims she has worked at 5* restaurants
>Always boasting about how she is a chef but just works cleaning jobs because she can't find a job as a chef
>her cooking consists of putting food in frying pan
>putting a lid on top
>her perfectly honed chef skills allow her to know the exact timing so she can go back to the kitchen and flip it once
>goes back to watching T.V
>dry burnt meat every time
>mfw i offer to cook and she says no because she prefers the taste of her own cooking, then does this every single time

>Move in with dad and his gf and her 2 daughters
>they put mayonaisse on everthing
>And i mean pretty much everything
>roast dinners
>curry
You fucking name it they will not hesitate to put two table spoons worth of mayo on it, and come back halfway through their meal for more.

>>6397248

its called egg sauce, fag

>>6397100
That way, I don't need to cook and clean every day

>gf is making a roast dinner
>help her with peeling the parnsips because she wants to do root mash
>she starts putting everything in the pan unwashed
>whatthefuck.jpg
>ask her when she was going to wash them
>I was about to do it now Anon


she better wash my fucking veggies. I don't like gristle and dirt in my teeth thanks.

>>6398252
Or you could just make a big batch of food and eat it for a few days then not have to worry about your roommate's shitty cooking.

>>6397045
>>6397049

so that guy loves bbq sauce and you love bullying him

what a pleasant household that must be

>>6397049
Your roommate sounds fucked

>1st semester move in with my frat bro
>all he eat is plain chicken breast, boiled broccoli and a apple juice box
>tfw no seasoning everything taste like plain and boring.
> ask him why no seasoning he replied don't need unnecessary calories.

>>6398469
quit being saucy

>>6398511
>Questioning your roommate's quest for gains

>>6398511
That doesn't sound bad actually. I agree that your roommate's reasoning for no seasoning is weird but my roommate would only eat grilled chicken breast, spinach salad, and water.

>>6397248
>mayo on everything

Are they Japs? Foreign exchange student I knew did that, no matter what it was mayo would make an appearance sooner or later

>>6398511
I had a similar roommate
>roommate wants to lose weight
>cooks baked chicken often for herself
>constantly opening oven to check to see if it's done
>open, cut, nope, closes door
>repeat about 10 times
>mangled chicken when finally done
>no seasoning
>dips chicken in ranch or other salad dressing condiment
>offer advice with "It might taste better if you add seasoning to the chicken before you cook. I always liked...."
>roommate snaps "I'M NOT MAKING THIS FOR YOU!"
I understand unwanted advice is never nice, but I was really trying to be helpful.

>roommate comes home with $35 worth of tuna in the form of two huge slices
>"I'm going to cook these up like the sushi restaurant did that one time, where they just seared the fish"
> doesn't make sushi rice, just steams normal rice
>cooks stir fry vegetables like bok choy and leek
>doesn't cut the two ginormous slices of tuna up, just sears them like steaks
>plops the blue-rare tuna steaks on top of a mound of rice and veggies
>tuna is even cold in the middle
>fed about half of his tuna to his cat anyway

>>6397045
> unseasoned peppers

Pepper is a seasoning

>>6398625
> He thinks this is a seasoning

>>6398625

Yes. But when you say "peppers" (notice the "s" at the end) that indicates you are talking about the fruit--most likely pic related--not the dry spice.

>>6398630

>not knowing about paprika

I was talking about pepper though, you know, salt and pepper, the big p and the s. Because the English language is so silly with all its types of peppers

>>6398592
>wants to lose weight
>dips it in ranch
I know those kind of people.
The people that want to lose weight, but not really though.

tfw can't relate at all. we mostly do our own cooking except shit like tortillas and partyfood. everyone experiments with recipes and own wierd ideas, and shares the good finds.

We have no real rules though so cleaning becomes a patience game of who has guests over the next time.

Got some good ones from some of my previous roommates though. Mostly ethnic stuff.

>One guy never figured out paper towels, he always used the hand towels and threw them away.

>Nonstick pans became onetime-use in one guys hands.

>Refrigerator either left open or max power, freezing everything.

>Cooking steaks/chicken on the stove instead of a pan.

>One guy ate nothing but cheese

Still live at home cause Im a pleb.
Brother is a shit cook but atleast hes trying.
Cooks things in my only good pan (10in cast iron)
Always cooks things, no matter what it is, on highest heat, sk naturally everything he cooks from chicken to veggies always gets burnt as fuck into the pan
The only way he knows how to clean things is to either, a) not clean anything at all or b) scrap everything off with steel wool
He scraps off layers and layers of burnt shit with the wool and ruins the fucking pan every week (I try and reseason it as well as I can)
Even after telling more than once not to fucking do it because hes destroying it, he does it anyway

>>6398645
They still want the flavors of a fat person's lifestyle. In moderation it's okay, but all those tablespoons of ranch through out the day adds up to extra calories and then they whine they're not losing any weight.

>>6398252
What's so bad about cooking and cleaning for yourself? I have roommates and we hardly interact when it comes to cooking, we rarely share meals or cook for eachother because one of my roomates lives on ramen and the other lives on frozen foods so our diets dont overlap much. And im not going to wate my time cooking food for them if they arent going to appreciate it.

>roommate was a super introvert and his parents obviously never tried to teach him anything
>mostly ate fast food, but could cook one dish
>would make spaghetti noodles
>plain noodles, doused in copious amounts of salt
>tops it off with a ton of squeeze butter

Think he is going to die at 30

My roommate is a gem. Love him like a brother but when it comes to food/what he puts in his body he is a lost cause.

>eats literally nothing but frozen pizza, chicken flavored ramen, tacos, canned-sauce pasta and salami sandwiches he broils under the pizzazz. Thats it. Literally his entire diet.
>has girlfriend who buys him nice veggies and snacks for him since shes concerned about his health
>roomie gets mad when she suggests he has a some salad with her or some fresh veggies with a meal
>also smokes like a broken stove and drinks like a fish
>has stomach ulcers and heart problems he needs to be medicated for but isnt

>my girlfriend and i like to cook
>shes not the best but she likes learning with me
>whenever she comes up for the weekend we make a couple nice meals together

>one day roomie asks his girlfriend
>"why dont you cook for me like anons girlfriend"
>she breaks up with him

Oh i also one time caught him spraying non-stick spray on slices of bread as 'butter'

>>6398274
>Washing your produce

Enjoy your shit immune system, queer.

>>6398716
My digestive system is very sensitive to migrant worker fecal matter.

>>6398592
>>6398645
My Auschwitz mode friend was the opposite.

>Wants to gain weight
>After a month complains he still weighs the same
>Ask what he's eating
>Chicken breast and plain rice every day
>That's it

>>6398713

>Oh i also one time caught him spraying non-stick spray on slices of bread as 'butter'

I spray spaghetti with it after I drain it. It's glorious

>>6398725
This is pretty much precisely why 90% of /fit/ is weak as shit

>>6398694
Keep the pan in your room how hard is this.

>>6398694
>>6398739

Or, you know, just teach your little bro how to clean the pan properly.

>>6398725
clean bulking bruh

>>6398706
>squeeze butter
Wh... what?

>>6397248
>dad's gf
I hoped you tapped that

>>6398706
...
sketti?

>>6398520
Heh

>>6398540
Not adding seasoning because you don't want to add extra calories is more stupid than weird.

>>6398795
Stupid / lazy. Obviously anyone would prefer it be delicious to boot, but that person doesn't already know how to cook, and he mainly just wants to get laid so doesn't bother learning. Not like bitches are attracted to life skills or anything.

>>6398755
Hes 25. Im 21.

We both only live here because our house us expensive and our dad left so its hard to pay all the bills even with us and our mom payig the bills.

Hes still a fucking retard its crazy. He leaves the stove on, he doesnt clean anything, he literally never busses his dishes or puts them away in the cupboard, etc.

Not only does his peanut brain infect his kitchen habits but his regular living too. He leaves lights on when he leaves the room/house. Same thing with the TV, he never closes he bathroom door, he never takes the garbage out, etc.

Hes fucking moron

>>6398806
You're missing the point. There are lots of seasonings you can use that add essentially zero calories. That guy was retarded.

>>6398781
Yep. Pretty horrifying to watch. Would just squeeze out a huge dob and mix it in.

>>6398792
Basically, minus the ketchup. He was from Alabama so it checks out.

Glad I moved out. He was too lazy to do the dishes so I'd have to clean the shiny squeeze butter plates.

>>6398819
Exactly my point. He didn't KNOW that because he was too lazy to find out, and only interested in his looks.

>>6398645
My one roommate tried to convince us that his massive salads which were composed of greens, a quarter bottle of creamy italian, and a grip of bacon bits "didnt have carbs, so it was the keto diet"

My roommate wouldn't clean up after cooking so there were oil splashes, food stains, unwashed dishes and even some pasta stuck in dishes in the sink for days, that pretty much turned me off cooking properly for a while. I want to live alone for a few decades after this.

I had a roomate that insisted on cooking frozen fries in the microwave and covering them in cheddar cheese.

>I like them soggy

I guess that was just their preference. I never said anything but shit it still bothered me. I even offered to put them in the oven once, hence the greentext.

>>6399201

Microwave french fries are fine. They taste closer to baked potatoes.

>>6399259

Yeah, but the potato ends up all grainy then. Or at least that's my experience. It's a terrible texture.

>>6399171
Yup...my least favorite part of roommates and I have 7 of them not including myself

>>6398713
>love him like a brother
>don't try to teach him some aspects of cooking
>don't tell him to buck up his ideas and keep this one as she obviously likes him

Come on man

>>6398511
>thinks seasoning is going to fuck with his gains
>drinks sugary apple juice instead of water

Confirmed dyel as fuck

>>6399312
Except I have tried. He gets offended when I try to show him a good meal idea or when I try to show him how to do something in the kitchen.

>>6399391
Why are people so fucking up tight about people helping them cook?
Are people really THAT prideful of something as simple as making dinner?
It's not like they are professional chefs fucks sake

>>6398820
We don't all eat our sketti like that in Alabama. Ya gotta hit it with the powdered Parmesan to get some substance to it. Goddamn soup Sketti inbred.

Roommate's diet:
>hungryman and taipei frozen dinners
>pan chicken with mounds of chipotle seasoning (kitchen feels like it's been tear gassed)
>PBJ
>chef boyardee ravioli

Never seen him eat a vegetable

>>6398672
>Cooking steaks/chicken on the stove instead of a pan.

Could you explain? Are you saying he just throws raw meat on the fucking stovetop?

>>6397248

Is she chilean? people love that shit here.

>>6398706
>noodles
>salt
>butter
This is food to someone.

>>6399476
I know a man who subsisted off noodles and hamburger helper mix (no hamburger) for 6 months

my roomate was high as fuck tonight and got a fist full of shredded cheese out of the fridge and dropped like a bunch on the floorr

>move across country with friend who has never lived on his own before
>obviously had no experience in a kitchen beyond frying bacon
>only food he can make is microwaved or hotdogs in a stove top pan
>other roommates complain about burnt pans
>later watch this guy cook a hotdog and see he just throws the dog on the pan, no water/oil
>i tell him to throw some oil or butter in the pan, and show him how its done
>oil lands in thin streak
>he looks at me in confusion, and asks "how the hell am i going to spread the oil on the pan?"
>i tilt the pan back and forth, coating the bottom of the pan
>mfw

he's not retarded, he just has never cooked for himself and solely relies on fast food. the guy only drank milk and soda. he never drank a glass of water the entire time we lived under the same roof.

>>6399394
Its not that hes even prideful of anything, he just too stupid to see that i'm only trying to help him or teach him stuff. He takes it as a personal attack like im patronizing him.

>>6399561
>Catalog
Admittedly, I would not do this in your shoes, but you should yell at him that his stubborn refusal to change cost him a gf and it's embarrassing how poorly he takes care of himself.

Maybe he'll come around, but probably not.

> all these stories
These idiots need to be tied to a chair and yelled at for hours until they get it.

>>6399478
When the money runs out you do what you have to do.

>Putting away my groceries one day
>See roommates fabric grocery beside the fridge and it stinks
>Go to pick up the bag and look inside
>Open bag and instantly what seems like a hundred thousand fruit flies stream into my face
>Can feel the thousands of impacts of fruit flies against my face
>Scream and get fruit flies in every oriface
>Roommate forgot about a bag of tomotoes he bought last month and was festering with flies
>House is covered top to bottom with fruit flies that whole weekend
>Was still coughing up phlegm and saliva hours later with dead fruit flies in it

>>6399660
Jesus christ that is fucking horrifying

>>6398609
As someone who loves seared tuna, this made me depressed

moved in with 2 girls

>decide to go grocery shopping together
>suggest we all only buy a few frozen things as we have a small freezer
>everyone agrees
>one roommate decides to go buy food from another store
>all come home, start unpacking
>notice she has bought 3 bags worth of frozen food
>trying to shove it all in the freezer
>mostly frozen mince, sausages and hash browns
>no room to fit my frozen veggies and berries
>remind her on what we agreed on
>she refused to sacrifice any food, gets mad and storms out
>sends message saying she's staying at her bf's for a week
>throw out half of her shit while she's gone
>leave money on her bedside table for it

how hard is it to not be a selfish bitch?

Not about a roommate but
>Friend has severe social anxiety
>He's an orphan
>Lives with his abusive grandmother
>Has been woefully unprepared for life
>He finds out I can cook and gets a little interested
>I give him some pointers
>Constantly have to scale back my advice because of how little he has been taught
>Asked me how to know when water is boiling once
>Asked me whether you should cut a carrot into slices before or after cooking it
>I give him a super simple recipe to hopefully build his confidence a bit and get him interested
>He tells his grandmother that he wants to try cooking a meal
>She yells at him
>"Why are you bothering with this? You don't need to learn this shit"
>He goes shopping with his family to get the supplies
>He goes off on his own and grabs everything he needs
>He can't normally even leave the house by himself
>This is a big deal for him
>His entire family laughs at him for trying to better himself
>He drops everything he picked up to buy on a shelf and gives up
>Won't talk for the rest of the week

Fuck, now I'm really sad. I just want him to be ok.

>>6399760
Why aren't you saving him?

>>6399777
Because I'm a useless fuck up.

>>6398550
>>6399457
Nah, we're all british, I have no idea why her and all her children do it, I've asked countless times why but they just say "They like it"
I refuse to eat with them in the same room because the smell is that over-powering it puts me off my food.

>>6399784
Invite him over to cook.

>>6397074
when you say "mfw", you actually need to post a pic

I have a few, but nothing crazy.

>room with bf and one other roommate
>both of them are pretty tall
>paper towels keep disappearing
>every time I get a new roll out its gone the next day
>think I'm going crazy
>where the hell do all the paper towels keep going??
>turns out roommate was putting paper towels on top of cupboard where I couldn't see or reach

Not that bad but why the fuck would he keep doing that after like the 3rd roll? I'm not sure if he was messing with me or what.

>been doing the dishes most of the time lately
>roommate leaves a moldy tupperware container in the sink for over a week
>I'm not cleaning that shit
>decide to leave it for a few more days before I throw it out
>not feeling well one day
>bf does dishes
>forget to tell him about container
>he opens it to clean it
>the smell of death envelopes the kitchen for the rest of the night

>one day he gets a large cardboard case of beer
>its in there for a while
>open box, its empty
>probably has been for some time
>apparently there was something sticky under the box
>cardboard is glued to the bottom of fridge
>know he'll never clean it even if I ask
>spend next half hour cleaning all cardboard and sticky shit from fridge

This happened a few days ago
>decides putting a pullup bar above the kitchen walkway is a good idea
>has some stone things hanging from it
>keep hitting my head on them
>haven't seen him since so i can't ask him to take it down

>uses my pots for his food, which I don't mind except when he puts the food in the fridge while its still in the fucking pot instead of transferring it to a container

He's not a bad person or anything just a huge slob, and probably doesn't think about a lot of shit before he does it. He's moving out in a few weeks though, so whatever.

>>6399760

This made me really, really, angry.

>>6399760
thanks for stealing my gif from /tv/

>>6399812

If this isn't bait, then you're a stupid asshole.

>>6399809
>turns out roommate was putting paper towels on top of cupboard where I couldn't see or reach

You sound like a tiny grill and it's adorable.

>>6399819
What if its a manlet queer though?

>>6399811
He's doing a little better now. He's living at university. The other day he sent me a message really happy and proud of himself because he'd made spaghetti bolognese by himself. He'd used a jar of sauce and hadn't put any meat in it, but he'd done it all by himself without anyone else having to tell him what to do.

It'll do, Thomas. It'll do.

>>6399822
A manlet queer getting huffy about his taller roommates putting things out of his reach is still funny.

>>6399826
Touché

>work with a buddy of mine to get a house rented with the intent of being roomates
>Has to drop out of college when his dad has heart issues
>Only person I could find to move in was this extremely flaming vegetarian guy
>Gets preachy with me about cooking hamburger meat around him
>Out of respect I try to prepare my meals with no meat or meat that I have prepared when he was not around.
>Bitches that he doesn't want meat in the fridge
>Buy a small second hand fridge that fits in my closet. Keep my meat in there
>Everything is fine for a couple of months
>Come home from class to see a trash can outside with the lid off and bag inside
>Seemed strange because I always handled the trash
>Open the bag to find all my meat in the trash
>Was already stinking and hot from the 100+ degree weather
>Yelled at him until he cried
Fuck I was so mad. I did EVERYTHING short of becoming a fucking vegetarian myself to appease this cunt. I ended up borrowing some cash from my family to cover what I couldn't on the rent and kicked him out.

>>6399839
Holy shit what a fucking cunt

>>6399839
All of my rage

>>6399839
Sounds like you're the asshole here, you're a fucking barbaric piece of shit and basically scolding him for not being one

Grow up

>>6399839
I could maybe not cook meat around a very sensitive vegetarian. But buying my own fridge? That's above and beyond. And he still throws your stuff out. What a cunt.

>>6399839
I'll take "shit that didn't happen for $500, Alex"

>>6399948
Believe what you want man

>dumps dishes in the sink
>doesn't wash them
>this goes on for days
>weeks
>finally gets around to washing them after accumulating an everest sized mountain of dishes


i should tell him to move his ass but confronting the guy is such a huge pain in the ass

oh well, just one more month

>>6399948
>>6399942
Calm down leaf heads
>inb4 carnist maymay

>>6399942

>tfw living with gf and the only gripe we've had is putting the toilet paper roll on instead of just unwrapping the next

Feels ok

>mfw vegetarian gf get's mad when I slap a couple of pounds of meat on top of the meals she makes me
I refuse to believe she didn't have at least an inkling about my dietary requirements.

>>6397045
>he uses the last of the bbq sauce, then puts it on the counter and forgets it
>>6397049
>he spots the sauce bottle on the shelf, which i hadn't thrown away because it was right next to a bunch of oil and vinegar bottles and I didn't notice
>starts to put it on his sandwich
So were there any BBQ sauce left after "other roommate" used "the last of the bbq sauce" or not?

>>6398787
>not having sex with the daughters

m8..

>those people who always drench everything in ranch

I wouldn't consider myself a connoisseur, I'll eat fucking anything even an MRE if it's nearby and I'm hungry, but these people disgust me. They're always sports-types too, like they play soccer and are thin as fuck but dip chicken, pizza, chips, literally anything into ranch by the gallon and suck it down like a vacuum on high.

>>6400061
Shit man that isn't even an issue as long as it's nearby when you're taking a shit. Slap it on while you're sitting down got nothing better to do.

>>6398720
RACIST

>moved away for university
>live in a share house with 10+ people
>only have one vegetable crisper to store all stuff that needs refrigeration, no freezer space
>no room for juice or anything
>all the shared utensils in the house are beat to shit, only knives are a cleaver and a beat to shit, bent, blunted chef's knife
>non-stick pans are scratched all over, impossible to cook an omlette without a ton of butter
most days i alternate between toast and miso soup
i'd like to eat out more but i'm unemployed at the moment, and it's expensive af
i'd like to buy just a nice cast iron pan, and a santoku & sharpening stone, but that'd mean saving up for months

>>6400087
Ranch on pizza, especially cold pizza. Is tasting god, now i dont mean drench, but if you dip it, its fucking delicious fucktard

>>6400100
also nobody ever rinses cutlery or dishes properly, i just keep bought my own cup for coffee/water and have a tea set for green tea, but it means i have to carry a teapot of hot water up three stories

>>6400101
you know what's great
chorizo sandwich with ranch dressing and kimchi
best sandwich i've ever made in my life

>>6399723
>>leave money on her bedside table for it

ladies and gentlemen, we have found the cuck

>>6399723
>paying her for it

Stop being a beta bitch. Should have thrown it out in front of her.

>>6400090
Im always reading or on 4chan so i forget, its just how i was raised. We'd have the one on the roll and one on the back of the toilet. Idk man.

>>6400101
I actually didnt mean the fucktard, i was testing my iphones spellcheck

I grew up poor as fuck and usually didn't have electricity for 6 months out of the year for a couple years aside from a generator we would run on and off when we could afford it.

>parents fucked off to live in a trailer for the summer as they usually do
>left me, my older brother, my friend who was living with us and brother's boyfriend who is also living with us
>our generator breaks
>"ok, bro&co. i'll got the fridge, you get the freezer."
>leave for a week to stay with gf as her parents were also out of town
>come back
>dont even have to open the front door and can smell something is up
>nervously approach the fridge/freezer
>maggots climbing around it
>on the floor, on the wall
>masochistically open it because i hate myself
>just opened the door to Hell
>maggots pouring out
>physical wall of stench
>liquid, black sludge
>slammed it shut, maggots flung around
>raised so much hell /v/ cannot compare and neighbors called the cops

It was AUGUST and all that meat and frozen shit was left in there for a week in 90+ weather. I completely lost it and gave my brother's bf as massive panic attack. Three fucking people couldn't be bothered to throw shit out and give the freezer a quick wipe down. Usually my older brother gets in my face when it comes to arguments and could completely destroy me but like a dog he knew he fucked up. I threw paper towels, bleach and every cleaning supply we had at them and hounded the fuck out of them while I made them clean that shit. We ended up tossing the whole fucking thing a month later because it didn't survive the smell.

Fuck my family. They're so disgusting and they wonder why my sister and I don't visit.

>>6400134
Haha gross. I would have just demolished the house, I can't fucking stand maggots or worms of any kind.

>>6400134
Yo fuck your family man

>>6397045
I love these threads but honestly the most unpleasant roommates ive had are not the lazy, gross ones that feature prominently in these stories, so much as the stuck up, passive-aggressive OCD faggots who get angry when you leave the toilet paper roll at an angle with which they have ideological differences, or you dont put your shoes where they think your shoes are supposed to be, or you break their stale routine by inviting people over and being loud so they cant get their beauty sleep at 8PM, and this is coming from someone who is very strict himself - learn to relax once in a while, not everything has to be picture perfect

>>6398694
Sounds like you need to move out or hide the pan.
Are there no other pans in your house? kek

>>6400134
you've been on 4chan for quite some time, i remember you. you've posted stories about your brother and his boyfriend

>>6400168
i feel ya man, but theres a difference between wanting things picture perfect and knowing how to approach the subject of your housemates piss bottle collection without sounding like a douche.

>>6399806
You must be new. He's done nothing wrong It's never been necessary.
>mfw
withou a picture it's just implied we all know what mfw faces look like. Fuck off and die

>>6400233
Here's a step by step
>get pissroomie in a room alone
>come in with the rest
>'dude, the piss is getting out of hand, can you just keep it to one bottle?'
Eventually replacing the bottle will become too much and he'll either stop or start collecting again, at which point i think you can do a good amount o things to get his ass kicked out. Fuck trying to be tolerant that shit is unhealthy.

>>6398592
Advice is advice, even if it may be personal preference, but you cannot be condescending about it.

>>6400221
I have. I got tons of other stories but they are not /ck/ related, such as they are/were(his bf died) both furries and otherkins as well as believed in communicating telepathically with people. Only /ck/ related things that come to mind is

>his bf put ranch on everything, including cereal
>my older brother only buys alcohol that has the word 'dragon' in the name or on the bottle
>moldy dishes always in their room
>brother has never cooked anything that isn't mac & cheese, basically lives off cans of chef boyardee and frozen foods

Our younger brother isn't much better.

>>6400261
>ranch on cereal
How..?

>>6400233
>>6400240
Some of them ARE sun tea...
Some of them WERE sun tea.

I don't have a roommate, thank god, but my poor sister has in idiot for a husband.

>gets into deep-frying
>oil all over the fucking kitchen
>he never cleans it up
>they decide to move out of that apartment
>sister, mom, and I spend half a fucking day washing oil off the walls of the kitchen
>he doesn't help at all

Sometimes I want to fucking choke him. He also got into home brewing for a while and stank up the apartment with jugs of mead.

>>6400080
>So were there any BBQ sauce left after "other roommate" used "the last of the bbq sauce" or not?

Of course not. There was never any sauce or roommates to start with; the fact that the OP is claiming a guy got food poisoning from sauce because it had been "left out for 3 days" should tell you how much of an imagination he has.

>>6399660
That's either complete bullshit or you're some special kind of retarded, fruit flies don't just magically appear out of nowhere like that.

>>6400359
Not that guy but i literally (yes literally) had a banana in the front pouch of my backpack, zippered shut, in the back of my closet for a year. Upon finding the soggy pack i unzipped to find fucking maggots. I shit you not.

>>6399760
>>His entire family laughs at him for trying to better himself
I fucking hate families like that. My brothers did shit like that to me.

>>6400387
Yeah but he's talking about a bag that was apparently sitting there for weeks with rotting tomatoes in it, you would have noticed the fruit flies buzzing around the house a long time ago, they wouldn't just all hide inside the bag waiting to scare you.

>>6400436
Ah, yes, that would not be logical.

>lived at single dorms in college
>moving out and living with gf right after graduation
>never had to deal with roommates

feels good man. The only kitchen I share is my mom's and gf's and they are usually really interested in helping me cook.

>flatmate and I share one of the fridges
>his section is always stocked with meme foods like goat heart and liver
one time he asked me if he can use a couple of my chilli peppers.
>watching TV some time later
>he walks over with a plate of nothing but charred chilli peppers
>starts watching CSI with me
>he's eating them one by one
>his face is visibly turning red but he doesn't stop
I just don't fucken know man.

>>6398734
>imblyign chicken plus rice doesnt have good macros
>not eating clean food big to get big
cmon

>>6400291
>thirsty and hangover
>reach for the next bottel
>it was a pissbottle
it was such a horrible experience that wouldve even made izlee learn

>>6400107
thats a lady, one with principles too, not that you would understand

pls go
>>>/r9k/

>>6398734
That's a generalisation. 90% of /fit/ doesn't eat just chicken breast and rice, and could kick your ass.

>mentally ill flatmate in first year, he would have screaming fits in his room in the middle of the night apparently
>avoided eye contact and talking to anyone in the house
>subsisted completely on frozen pizza and chips
>to cook them he would take a slice and arrange it directly on the filthy oven rack without any foil or baking tray or anything
>same with chips, he'd arrange them carefully on the rack
>a couple of chips fell through and burnt themselves onto the bottom of the oven permanently
partway through the semester he had a really loud, violent fit in his room at like 2am which woke up everyone in the flat except me, and they called campus security to calm him down

i hope you're ok out there harry

>>6400475
what an adventurous soul, bless him
wish i had an adventurous foodie housemate i could go out to eat with

>>6400359
>fruit flies don't just magically appear out of nowhere like that.
Someone has no knowledge of how quickly flies reproduce.

>>6399723
>leave money on her bedside table for it
And it was going so well, too.

>>6400815
Did he ever try to put the moves on you? Just say the word and I'll kick his ass.

>>6400234
>It's never been necessary.
Calling that other guy new blew your cover.

>>6400261
>his bf put ranch on everything, including cereal
>ranch on everything, including cereal
>everything, including cereal
>including cereal
>cereal

Why do people like this exist.

>>6400850
nah he didn't talk much really though i tried to be nice to him and pick his mail up for him and stuff

>>6400915

Oh, the "nice guy" act. So transparent. I'm definitely not a nice guy, just a good honest guy. I sometimes think I was born in the wrong decade. Most ladies don't pay me any mind because I'm not a chad. But I can tell you are not like the other ladies.

Now that we have gotten the small talk out of the way, would you care to join me for a glass of kopi, m'lady? As a supreme gentleman, I believe asian women are so much more classy than western women. Sometimes I think I was born in the wrong country.

>>6400927
>kopi
>not teh c peng special

>>6400261
>my older brother only buys alcohol that has the word 'dragon' in the name or on the bottle
That's one of the funniest things I've ever heard.

>>6400475
spiciness is a drug. watchu kno bout my endorphins?

My roommate has to be certifiably retarded. He thinks the garbage disposal is the PERFECT way to get rid of cat litter.

>>6400960
wat
how has your plumbing not been destroyed.

My 2nd year housemates were nice people, but pretty careless when it came to cooking and washing up.
>was putting mugs away once after being at home for a few weeks
>looked inside one of the mugs
>it's about a quarter of the way full of something that's gone mouldy beyond all recognition
>decide to let someone else deal with it
I'm still not sure what in the name of god could have been in there.

And another time...
>be chilling in my room at around 3AM
>hear someone come in the front door and go into the kitchen, presumably after a night out
>they go back into their room a few minutes later
>think nothing of it and go to sleep
>woken up at 7AM by the fire alarm blaring in my room
>run into the kitchen with my other housemates to see smoke everywhere
>look over at the stove
>see a pot with the melted, disfigured remains of what I can only assume was once pasta
>housemate came in drunk, decided to make food, then forgot about it and went to bed

Just... what? How in the name of fuck do you even do that? Like, falling asleep while you're waiting for it to cook I can understand, but HOW do you decide to just go back to bed? We were lucky we didn't set off any alarms in any neighbouring apartments or we'd have gotten a fine.

>>6400963
Apartment people will repair anything in the place that breaks down. This includes the mystery of the smelly kitchen sink.

Or the time there was a flashlight clogging their toilet.

>>6400104
You're doing the right thing, just keep a mini kitchen in your room and let those fuckers get sick from rotted old food.

>>6400087
>They're always sports-types too,
I've seen plenty of fat people do this.

>>6400960
I had an ex that thought you could pour the entire litter box in the toilet because it said "flushable". It's 11pm on a Friday night, I just got home from work and the toilet is clogged.

>>6398609
Why the fuck would you make sushi rice as a side?

The vinegar...

>>6397045
>>6397049
>applying the bbq sauce directly to your pulled pork
>not just putting it on the individual sandwiches
top pleb

>>6397248
did u fugg?

>>6399660
same happened with me and my old beer cans that were fruit fly infested, that I then threw in a bag.

Bunch of vacuuming and red wine traps later, and they're finally gone.

Only leave my beer cans in the basement now, cuz the spiderbros take care of them.

>>6400359
of course they do
>never heard of spontaneous generation

Typical stoner roommate shit. I buy parm cheese to make Caesar salad with, come home and they got high and thought it would be cool to eat it all. My cheese is not safe with them.

OR! They'll take shit out of the fridge and leave it open and out all day and then remember it and put it back in the fridge like that shit's totally gonna be okay.

>>6401211
>OR! They'll take shit out of the fridge and leave it open and out all day and then remember it and put it back in the fridge like that shit's totally gonna be okay.
Probably is. I bet you're one of those people who thinks if you leave cold cuts on the counter for an hour you might as well throw them out.

>>6401232
They were doing this during the summer. In order to keep the bills low, we weren't keeping the apartment too cool, and were making sure to keep the AC off while gone. Sounds like a no-brainer, but it's easy to forget.

Anyway, 90s inside the house during the day for like...from noon or earlier until that night and no, food won't exactly be okay.

>>6401309
Yes it will. Do you think people in the south didn't eat meat in the days before refrigeration?

>>6400359

look up spontaneous fly infestation.

im a 19 y/o, living at home with my half siblings who are 11 and 13 years older than me
they're both extremely unhygienic, messy, and bad cooks
>frozen pizza with ranch every other day
>kitchen is always a mess, despite no one doing any real cooking
>i dont want to clean up after them all the time, so i havent had a chance to cook in almost a year
>anything i make for myself at home is fast and simple, i.e. pb&j sandwiches and not much else
>i miss cooking
>i miss good meals

>>6401125
>being this much of an uncultured Appalachian hick
real barbecue is lightly doused in a nice vinegar sauce before being put on the bun and served with a side of Brunswick stew

>>6401152
>not throwing away beer cans
. . .

>>6401326
They also died a lot more frequently then too.

>>6401432
that 3 dollar deposit is totally worth bug infestations

>>6400814
>and could kick your ass.
I know /fit/ would like to do something to my ass, but I'm not a fag

>move in with friend
>upstairs neighbor likes to cook
>roommate friends birthday comes around
>upstairs neighbor wants to make pizzas for the party
>he brings everything downstairs and we cook in there
>makes a weird lemon pepper dough
>confess to him that i'm gay and like anchovies
>he's gay too and runs upstairs
>brings down a can of anchovies
>we share an anchovy pizza

good times

>>6401399
Get a job and your own place. Not that hard

>>6401450
cool, let me just call up the job center and say I want a nice job please and thank you

>>6401453
Well, you have to stop being a complete loser first, but I thought that went without saying.

>>6401455
>you have to stop being a complete loser first
>not that hard
Just shut the fuck up white boy.

>>6401432
Keep them in a big contractor bag. No bug infestations after keeping the receptacle downstairs by the theater/beer fridge.

Also, no municipal recycling, so I save them up and take them to the recycling center.

>>6401432
You're doing it wrong.

Once the beer is empty, you fill it a little with water, swish it out and pour it out, crush the can and put it in the garbage bag next to my sink.

>>6401326
Sauces and spreads like mayo don't last, you noob.

>Roomate brings home gourmet donuts
>cuts them in half and spreads butter on them
>roommate will also buy white bread and vanilla cake icing
>toasts the bread and spreads the icing on the toast

>>6401428
Huehuehue. Are you suggesting one ought to put sauce on the pork prior to cooking it? All it takes is a rub, darling.

>>6401434
Not from that.

>>6401471
Are you kidding me? Mayo is eggs, oil, and vinegar, and eggs last for several days unrefrigerated. Adding the vinegar means that shit will last practically forever without the ole chillbox. The main reason you refrigerate mayo is for flavor retention.

>and he calls me a noob
topkek

>>6401472
How fat is he?
Reminds me of my bf before I met him, when he was a fat ass. But he would just eat frosting straight out of the tubs.

>>6401487
>trying to tell Americans eggs don't need to be refigerated
You're fighting a losing battle m8

>>6401497
It's stupid as fuck, though. I'm American. Hell, I grew up in fucking BOSTON, not even bumfuck Idaho. I knew people who kept chickens and ducks, and they always had fresh eggs that they never refrigerated, always kept on the counter, and they tasted better and cooked more evenly than cold eggs.

Back to the mayo thing... it has fucking vinegar in it. Damn it, my people are stupid.

>>6401501
I-I just can't trust mayo that's been left out for a couple days.
I can hardly trust fresh fresh mayo that I made myself in the fridge for a week.

>>6401510

big difference between a whole unbroken egg and an emulsion made with that egg, oil, etc.

whole eggs certainly don't need refrigeration. mayo is a different story.

>>6399806
Go die

>>6401555
here in murica we refrigerate our whole eggs
why
i dont know, its retarded

>>6401555
Oh. So I'm not in the wrong for not being able to trust mayo.

>>6401555
>mayo is a different story
Do you refrigerate all your goods preserved in vinegar and salt?

>>6400859
True.

It went from
>mfw
>lol u didnt gib no face ur from facebook
to
>mfw... mfw no face
>eh okay
to
>mfw (mfw no face implied)

>>6401568
Don't they stay good longer refrigerated or have I missed something? Whenever I buy in bulk I only keep some of them room temp.

>>6401211
Get a new roommate or get your own place.

>>6401595
Of course they stay longer in the fridge. That's why if I'm planning on going on vacation, I'll stick the remaining eggs in there. Otherwise, I go through a dozen eggs in <7 days.

>buy in bulk
The largest number I ever buy is 18. I could get a gross, but what's the point?

>move in with a grad student because an ex-friend screwed me over for on-campus hoursing
>so far so good for the first few months
>notice she runs the dish washer every other day
>vegetarian = frozen pizzas and bland salads
>blasts the Frozen soundtrack whenever she cooks

>>6401460
>It's hard to not be a degenerate piece of shit for 2 fucking minutes.

I'm on my phone but someone else should post the story of the insane guy who turned his half of the dorm into a mold filled cave and made threats about kidnapping his girlfriend.

>>6401560
ok, ill leave mayo out for a day and then eat it

>>6401735
You'll find that it's delicious and not in the least bit toxic. What do you think will *grow* in mayo over the course of a day that will kill you? Fuck.

>>6399809
hi clare

>>6401754
>What do you think will *grow* in mayo over the course of a day that will kill you?

Kill you? That's very unlikely.

Make you sick? That's a different story. Mayo is pretty much an ideal medium to culture bacteria in.

>>6401754
A bomb!

>>6401757
What is so ideal about the medium?
>The oil? (sits at room temperature for months at a time)
>The vinegar? (has been used as a preservative for centuries)
>The salt? (has been used as a preservative for millenia)
>The eggs? (can be held at room temperature for weeks)

What is it that makes this particular combination of ingredients so incredibly susceptible to spoilage?

>>6401757
>implying e.coli could survive in acidic mayonnaise

>>6401661
that's pretty funny

>>6401764
The eggs are the main risk. Sure, you can keep a whole egg for months, but a whole egg is "sealed". The moment you crack the egg open you have started the timer on spoilage.

Vinegar? There's too little of it in mayo for it to act as a preservative. If there was enough to push the pH low enough to keep it safe then it would also break the emulsion. Same with the salt. The small amounts present are there for flavor, they don't function as preservatives at this low of a concentration.

>>6401636
>buy eggs, put in fridge to keep longer
>take them out and let come to room temperature if you're this autistic

I don't see the problem. I sure as hell don't go through a dozen in a week.

>>6401661
best roommate on /ck/

>>6398592
He's absolutely right. You probably had a shit tone implying your way is automatically better.

>>6401781
Do you not know the history of mayo? Those things were initially added *because* they helped preserve it. It's speculated that Mayonnaise was invented as early as the 1700s. Do you think *they* refrigerated it? Damn, son.

>>6401782
>>take them out and let come to room temperature if you're this autistic
Wow, do you not know the difference between a fresh egg and a stale one? It won't hurt you, but there is a definite flavor degradation.

>>6401800
If you're buying it from the grocery store (i.e. 99% of america) then it isn't fresh. Making the whole ">why do americans," shitposting moot.

>>6401815
Fresher than sitting in your fridge for weeks.

Also, I get my eggs from the market (not grocer), where they actually are fresh.

>>6398520
kek

>>6398734
Hugh Woathmeigh? Come fight me IRL.

Pic related: It's me.

>>6401885
that's pretty gay

>living in uni apartment w/ basically random flatmate
>dude seems pretty chill, all's well
>few weeks into the first semester he's completely taken over the living room and leaves his shit absolutely everywhere
>washes dishes maybe once every two weeks and lets shit pile up in the (very small) sink
>makes washing my dishes absolutely hellish because of this
>likes fruit (which is fine, so do I) and buys a shitload of it only to leave it out and have a decent amount of it go bad
>can never be fucked to take out the trash or his recyclables and just leaves them to fester near the trash can until I finally just say fuck it and take them out

Honestly besides the fact that he's just kinda messy the dude's a nice guy. I think half the reason he leaves stuff around so often is because he's mind-bogglingly busy with his classes and whatnot, so I can't really be too mad at him. And at least he can cook pretty well and has his own pans/dishes/etc so my stuff stays in good shape. Gonna be living with more people next year so I'm a bit nervous about them fucking up my stuff, but all of them save one (who I've known for a while and is an excellent cook) just eat out a bunch.

>>6398814
Then kick his ass.

>>6399942
Shit troll, 3/10 got me to respond.

>>6399942
what a bitch nigger you are im going to store fuck this

>>6399839
>Yelled at him until he cried
You should have shouted at him "You're mincemeat!" and beat him up.

>>6399839
>things that didn't happen
never change, carnists

>>6397143
kek.

>>6400972
Eh the second one happens.

Easier to chaulk it up to a mistake and just rib him about it occasionally

>>6401152
>spiderbro
>implying you aren't a spider preparing to jump at our faces

>>6401636
I go through a dozen eggs in like 2 months.

>>6397049
Serioisly, you expect me to believe he got sick on bbq sauce that wasnt refrigerated after use (not withstanding your confusing mention of your other roomie using it all and then somehow leaving it out for him to use later?)? I never refrigerate my sauce and our household never gets sick.

My roommates cooking:

>fill two pots with water
>put a chicken leg in one pot
>put some noodles in the other
>turn up heat, go to room
>come out 15 minutes later
>dinner is served

>>6398725
Auswitz diet

Made me think of a girl I lived with. She used to eat nothing but plain toast, chicken ramen and black clover valley (Dollar General Generic) coffee. She eventually developed a wheat allergy and now eats next to nothing but cornflakes and Busch Beer.

she's clean, employed and single though so i'm not complaining

>>6402931
I've never understood how people can make such disgustingly boring food and continue making it again and again and seem to enjoy it.

It's like my old room mates. Neither of them liked vegetables. Their idea of vegetables was canned corn. Their idea of how to properly prepare canned corn was to dump a couple cans of it into a pot, add a few huge scoops of margarine from the economy sized tub they always had, and then boiling it for like half an hour.

They also made chili mac 2-3 times a week with kraft dinner and canned chili. That was their absolute favorite meal. The worst nights were those that they made chili mac and decided they needed "vegetables" so also made their fucking atrocious corn monstrosity too.

They tried to make baked chicken once. Chucked some chicken legs on a baking sheet, no seasoning whatsoever. They must have cooked it in a super hot oven because it ended up almost burned outside and raw inside and they left it sitting on the stove over night since I think they were mad about fucking it up that badly. They next day one of them told me "Baking chicken is way too hard, I'm never doing that again!" I was like... you have got to be fucking kidding me...

>>6401920
Oh god, this sounds like me. I'm so sorry.
Are you in a room numbered 803?

Had a roommate once who would spit in the frying oil to see if it was hot enough.
First time I saw that, I quit eating anything she made.
She also would throw her spaghetti against the wall to test for doneness, and use an electric wok once to make chicken stir fry, then put it away without cleaning it, and just left it there.....for months....until she moved....and then left it for me to throw out.

>>6401595
Our eggs are washed, it makes them not last as long.
Over in yurop they apparently don't wash their eggs, and always have to wash them immediately before using them.

>>6401661
Youre roomie sounds alright.

I have a story about housemates with negative cooking skill...
>2 roomies and myself
>one of them is a school teacher
>he buys fish 'n' chips
>sits on the living room floor eating his fish 'n' chips
>watches a funny movie
>readjusts himself everytime he laughs out loud at the move
>drinks a ginger beer while eating
Fuck I hate sharing a house, people are such ignorant asshole.

>>6403056
I do the spaghetti thing, my gf thinks its funny and so do i, but spitting in food, eugh.

>>6402974
Honestly you are right, but I was poor once so I know that way of cooking canned corn and I gotta say, it's breddy gud. Even without butter. Maybe I just like corn. (I really miss my grandma's sweet corn on the cob, it was divine)

>>6403109
Im not seeing the problem, or is that supposed to be a joke.

>>6402974
>kraft dinner
>Canadians

I'm probably gonna have 3 other roommates besides me next semester. Never had roommates before. Met them all thru work. Two of them I'm pretty tight with. The other guy I worked with for a few months but he quit so we stopped hanging out

How will I get my roommates to do shit? I don't wanna come home hungry and wanting to make food only to be greeted by a dirty ass kitchen with shit in the sink, and them telling me I'll do it later. My two buddies I can definitely yell at and we'd still be cool no matter what, but the other guy I don't know well enough to get on his shit.

Hopefully I'm stressing over nothing and they're more of neat freaks than I am, but regardless give me some tips on how to deal with this shit please

>>6400022

>not losing yoru shit inviting over the epic meal crew from college and making a Mongolia buffet as he crys salty tears.

>>6401797
The first documented reference to mayo was made in 1806, and there are no recipes available before 1820.
The first refrigerators were developed in the early 1800's, and people were using ice houses to keep food cool for CENTURIES beforehand.
But go ahead, leave mayo out on the table for a few days, then eat it. See what happens. Fucking retard.

>>6403204
Random bystander here, thank you. I was not about to look up the history of mayo to shut that dude up, but i know if it says refrigerate after opening means just that.

This talk about mayo always reminds of the time when some fuckstick on a music festival left some of those little mayo packages on the table between the tent. Without telling anyone that they were old. About a year old. And had been stored in his car the whole time.

>>6399518
>>he looks at me in confusion, and asks "how the hell am i going to spread the oil on the pan?"

That's kinda adorable in that "chimp around his first fire" kind of way.

>>6397171
I know that feel, my sister actually have formal cooking education and worked as a steward on a survey boat years back. She literally can't cook fucking beef without turning it into grey leather, usually with soggy bacon wrapped around it.

Everything has to have fucking Heinz ketchup on it in some way shape or form. Pizza sauce? Lol Heinz.

She's a fucking landwhale with COPD as well.

>>6399760
>orphan
>family
pick one

>>6403262
My sister used to do the same. But shed get a plate with one giant puddle of ketchup in the middle of the plate and 4/5 slices of bread. Some people just dont have taste buds.

Using ketchup for fucking pizza sauce though, thats fucking disgusting.

>>6401636
>a dozen eggs in less than seven days
How's diahorrea treating you?

>>6399809
Fuck off homo

>>6403262
>literally

>>6403217
>sealed
>not fine
>full of shit
>not fine
ok

>>6400704
Are you telling me that pissbottles are a real thing?

Ok so I have this roommate who really hates doing dishes... So instead of using plates he eats everything from the plastic packages the food is in. He said he even ate his chicken from the package before someone told him it could end up badly.

Those... prepackaged meat packages.

And we have a dishwasher.

>>6403375
My own father used to keep one beside his bed when he would drink or he'd piss the bed. No we dont talk.

>>6398716
My housemate has parkinsons from never washing fruit and veg and ingesting small amounts of pestisides over many years. Hope the shakes are worth it bro.

>>6399478
When money is this bad, you go to a church, pretend to love god and they'll give you food.

>>6403380
>eating from packages that had RAW MEAT in them
how could anyone be so fucking retarded

>>6403408
Mostly the thing that unnerves me is the melting plastic.

>>6403392
lmao wat

>>6403380
Youre going to have to explain this one. Did he cook the meat and then put it in the plastic?

>>6399501
underrated post

>>6403434
Meat comes in plastic package
Meat removed from package
Meat cooked
Meat returned to package for use as a plate/bowl
Meat eaten from package

>>6403434
Yes, and it's not only meat but anything that comes in somewhat solid packages.

Like spaghetti bolognese using that package as a plate

>>6403051
Yes, you can make it up to me by buying me a round

>>6403484
Hes gotta be fuckin retard

guys look at this bird

>>6403484
>>6403478
>>6403408
>>6403380
>not buying paper plates and plastic red cups

Why? Is he too poor for that?

>>6400168
If you put the roll on undersided, you are literally satan and I desire your death.

>Due to flooding, I wasn't able to return home from visiting family for a week
>Living with my now ex-bf at the time, had only been living together for two months or so
>I normally do the dishes daily when I am at home
>Come home to find that the entire kitchen floor is crawling with maggots after he'd cooked a roast chicken and left the remains on a plate beside the sink
>Bedroom, loungeroom and desk stacked with filthy plates and cups
>There was literally stuff growing in the cups
>Apple cores left everywhere
>I arrive home and he conveniently leaves when he sees me pull up, he is staying at a friend's place tonight for a party
>I see the mess and tell him he can live with his friend, I'll drop his shit off later
His own mother wouldn't take him back in and now I understand why she was so helpful in helping him move in with me. He managed to find a place to live and I have no idea how he hasn't been kicked out of there.

>makes bacon in microwave
>makes "pasta" by undercooking it and eating it half hard and pours marinara sauce on it
>any type of meat is cooked on the lowest flame possible and forgotten about while he plays video games
>lactose intolerant but will drink an entire gallon of milk in one sitting
>will drink an entire gallon of fucking anything in one sitting
>only part of the pan that seems to be washed is the bottom half
>poptarts are a necessity in his diet
>doesn't eat fruits or vegetables
>orders two meals at restaurants
>barely drinks water
>weighs 250+
>claims he's trying to loose weight

my brother probably does more weird shit but I haven't lived with him in four years so idk
Seems like it's gotten a bit better. He realized milk fucks him up atleast

>>6403626
God. Damn.

>>6403630
>orders two meals at restaraunts
Jesus fucking christ what a fucking alphamale.

>>6403630
>lactose intolerant but will drink an entire gallon of milk in one sitting
>poptarts are a necessity in his diet
>doesn't eat fruits or vegetables
>barely drinks water
>weighs 250+

He's not lactose intolerant, he's a fat greasy fuck. He claims he's lactose intolerant because he knows he goes around with the constant stink of shit emanating from his disgusting greasy bowels and he wants people to think he has an excuse.

>>6403641
he'll tell our dad that he's going to pay for the second meal himself before ordering.

>>6403658
that's a bit rough

>>6403354

Shut up you fat fucking faggot. /fit/ here, I got through a dozen eggs in three days.

Faggot.

>>6400100
you can cook good food with beat up utensils and scratched up pans, stop being so prissy

>>6402002
Eggs are an essential part of hundreds of dishes. What the hell are you eating?

>>6402898
My thoughts, exactly.

A main ingredient of bbq sauce is fucking vinegar for crying out loud!

>>6403204
>>6403211
They do that to cover their asses *just in case*. Most of the time literally nothing will happen to you if you eat mayo that's been sitting out. I bet you're the kind of person who thinks any pink in their chicken will instantly kill you and undercooked pork will give you worms.

I bet despite all your seriously retarded reservations, you still eat sushi.

>>6403354
>egg breakfasts
>virtually all pastries
>custard
>pasta
>pancakes
>plenty of soup recipes
>meatballs
>meatloaf
Seriously, dude, if you're not using that many eggs, you're not cooking from scratch. And if you're not cooking from scratch, you have no right to tell me I'm in for bowel distress.

>>6401797
>Do you think *they* refrigerated it? Damn, son.

Nope. I don't think they stored it at all. They made it, then they ate it. It was not kept for later because it spoils readily.

>>6403768
>>6403204
>>6401797
>>6401781
>>6401764
>>6401757
>>6401754
>>6401735
>>6401560
>>6399806
This board is by far the most autistic one on all of 4chan. And I browse /tv/, /vg/ and /r9k/ frequently.

>>6403787
>it spoils readily
>google "Does mayonnaise spoil?"
>Contrary to popular belief , industrial mayo does not spoil if not refrigerated.
Want to know why? Acidity from vinegar and/or lemon juice, salt, and (most of the time) pasteurized fucking eggs.

>>6403790
>I browse /tv/, /vg/ and /r9k/ frequently
Yeah, you don't really have any grounds to identify autism when autism is all you know.

>>6403792
>Yeah, you don't really have any grounds to identify autism when autism is all you know.
I know autism well and this board is exceptional in its displays of autism.

>>6400261
i require the non relevant stories.
all of them

>>6398672
i cant get why these anons live with such shitty people either. i was the house cook and we rarely had any problems and nobody gave a fuck if our kitchen got dirty as fuck (usually only ended up cleaned by girls who we cooked dinner for and then offered)

>housemates steal boxes of paper towels and gym towels to cut up as rags from unlocked supply closets (in college)
>i kept my knife, teflon pan and cast iron in my room so nobody else would destroy them
>only real time i got mad was when my friends destroyed some left over cepchichi (no idea how to spell in english) by throwing it at my friends dick while he was lying spread eagle
>saw the video and laughed it off, totally worth it

i guess when i started baking bread i would get annoyed when people cut into it too early and made it all gummy. i just started keeping it in my room until it cooled and all was well

>>6403796
It's worse than autism. It's autism with a whole lot of newfags, women (not all women are bad, but you know the kind. The wifey bitches you would see on facebook that are really trailerpark trash and think they are always right and high and mighty), vegans, flamers, and liberals. Add all the shitposters because it's fun shitposting cancer/autism (especially when they are so petty they argue about how a dish should be made, or whether mayo spoils) and you have the recipe for one of the worst and/or best boards on Cuckchan.

>>6403818
Don't forget the alcoholics.

But yeah, this board is a strange place.

>>6403768
Where I live two guys died from eating spoiled mayo. They bought a bunch of chicken sandwiches from McDonalds and left them out for 36 hours. They ate them and both got fucking sick and died.

Aint no joke son.

>>6400814
>>6400626
Pretty much everyone that's not in /plg/ are small as shit and start worrying about "muh fat" when they're like 6'3 190lbs (skellington tier)

>>6403792
What does industrial mayo have to do with a discussion of the origins of mayo hundreds of years ago? There was no industrial production of mayo at that time. There were no modern preservatives. Pasteurization hadn't been invented yet.

Also, the acidity from the vinegar doesn't do squat. Have you ever made mayo? The vinegar content is very low. It's only there for flavor. If there was a high enough salt concentration for it to be antibacterial then it would also be high enough to denature the protein in the eggs. Basic chemistry bro.

Commercially produced mayo made with pasteurized eggs and containing preservatives is not what we're talking about here.

>>6400100
>go to salvation army
>buy a crock pot and a knife if this one is unsharpenable
>go to walmart and buy the cheapest teflon pan and parchment paper
>order a cheap knife sharpener off amazon (they work surprisingly well)
>make no knead bread using the crock pot ceramic part and parchment paper. eat with eggs over easy
>all your problems are solved

>>6403818
>le oldfag meme
Are you sure you're not the one who is cancer?

>>6403823
Things that didn't happen: The post.

>>6403827
>What does industrial mayo have to do with a discussion of the origins of mayo hundreds of years ago?
Somehow I knew you would backpedal. The main issue is whether or not mayo will spoil TODAY if left out. The answer, unequivocally, is no. It will not spoil.

That being said, home made mayo has a shelf life of ~4 days, which is far more time than any of you give it credit for, specifically the retard who spurned this line of discussion by more or less saying "leaving mayo overnight will kill you".

>Have you ever made mayo?
I only use my own mayo. I don't buy Hellmans. The vinegar content is low, but not "very low."

>Commercially produced mayo made with pasteurized eggs and containing preservatives is not what we're talking about here.
It's actually specifically what we're talking about. Read the fucking thread and you'd know that. This whole "le old mayo" line of thought came about because I pointed out they didn't feel the need to refrigerate it in the days before refrigeration, implying that you don't need to today.

>>6401787
Anything is better than dipping chicken in ranch or catalina dressing, especially when you're going through the trouble of cooking a healthy meal to lose weight.

>>6398713
>one day roomie asks his girlfriend
>"why dont you cook for me like anons girlfriend"
>she breaks up with him
>Oh i also one time caught him spraying non-stick spray on slices of bread as 'butter'

>>6399723
>Disarming her argument before she makes it
Remember anons, he has to live with these bitches.

>>6401956
>I'm gonna tenderize you!
>I'll stab you in your choice areas!
>Time to knock you down the food chain!
There's more, but I need to go.

>>6403592
I'm looking and it's adorable.
Get the fuck out.

>>6398713
>Oh i also one time caught him spraying non-stick spray on slices of bread as 'butter'
I used to know a guy who did this... he claimed it was "healthier".

>roommate washes dishes
>puts them in drying rack with blade of knife leaning agains the pan
No jury will convict me.

>>6404234
you sound like the asshole roommate, just sayin

>>6401670

>>6404394

>>6403662
What an absolute animal

>>6404397

>>6404403

>>6403768
>just in case
>being this fucking ignorant
No one is listening to your dumbass advise.

>>6404419
>won't look at the evidence presented
>covers his eyes and plugs his ears while singing the mantra of over sensitive housewives of years gone past
No skin off my back. Keep thinking you'll die if you eat warm mayo. Keep refrigerating your tomatoes. Keep cooking your pork until it's gray and rubbery. I really don't give a shit.

>>6404434
>readingt the label
>covering eyes and ears
Pick one

>>6404446


>Contrary to popular belief , industrial mayo does not spoil if not refrigerated. Commercial mayonnaise is filled with acid and preservatives that can actually extend the life of salads by killing bacteria. The eggs used in prepared mayonnaise are pasteurized as well.

>>6404446
How many times do you "repeat" when you wash your hair?

>>6404489
1 good job on providing a source that you copy and pasted from what i assume was a .com or a fucking blog
2 i can find a thousand more websites that say the opposite
3 i like my mayo cold

I dont know what your fucking problem is that you have to shitpost through an entire thread thats dead now by the way, screaming 'guys stop putting mayo in the fridge'. Some people live in warm areas and yes it can go bad. You said three posts ago that you dont even care, yet youre still trying this hard. You're admitting defeat if you say you dont care and then keep responding.

>>6404540
>1
I already provided the source earlier in this thread. You're just stupid
>2
Provide even one.
>3
That's why you refrigerate it, dumbass. Leaving it out will dull the flavor, but it won't make you fucking sick.

>You're admitting defeat
Pretty sure you're just autistic.

>>6404540
>From a food safety standpoint, commercial mayonnaise and mayonnaise-type dressings are perfectly stable when stored at room temperature after opening. Quality, not safety, is the only reason the labels on these products suggest that they be refrigerated after opening. Refrigeration ensures that the commercial mayonnaise keeps its fresh flavor for a longer period of time.
http://www.wvagriculture.org/images/Literature/Mayo%20brochure.pdf

>>6403882
I still won't trust mayonnaise.

>>6401578
I do.

>>6404793
Fine, but at least recognize it's because you're overly paranoid and not because there is any actual danger.

>>6403799
My memory is shit but I'll post one that stuck out to me just because it was fucking weird.

>brother has his bf and friends over
>one of these friends is 'Kitty'
>brother, his bf and Kitty are wrestling on the floor for some reason while me and our dad are sitting on the couch with some beers
>Kitty gets pinned to the floor and goes still
>brother and bf start whispering, climb off of her and retreat to the basement
>she's left there, in the middle of the floor on her back, head rolled to the side and arms spread out
>dad and I are looking at each other funny
>"uhh-"
>"i don't fuckin' know, whatever." as he rolls his eyes
>15 minutes pass, she's still there
>everyone is walking over her because she's in the way
>kick her gently
>"are you dead or what? get the fuck up, you're in everyone's way."
>she doesn't respond
>go back to couch
>45 minutes of her not moving a single inch
>she slowly gets up, looks around confused
>crawls over to empty seat of couch looking totally haggard
>pulls out phone and calls someone
>"i was just chained to the floor. it wouldn't let me move."
>can't handle this shit so i got up and left

Another time I was playing with a laser light with my cat and she went into a 'cat trance' and played with it too, then almost attacked my cat. You can't tell her to just knock this shit off each because she 100% acts like these are real things despite she was like 26 at the time.

>>6400101
Five star pizza in Florida has a buffalo chicken pizza with buffalo sauce instead of tomato. Shit is cash dipped in ranch.

>>6405018
I will never understand people who combine buffalo with ranch. Literally the only acceptable dressing with buffalo is bleu cheese.

>>6397049
Why do you have to be such an insufferable cunt? Just leave the fag alone to enjoy his BBQ sauce.

>>6403487
What's your first name?

>>6403263
>what is foster family
G8 b8 m8.