/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>the chef comes out in a white frock that looks more like a surgeons than a chefs but hes wearing a chef's hat and hankerchief around his neck
>introduces himself then sets the goose on the platter
>the men bind the goose as my fiancee looks on in horror
>I dont really want to see what I'm going to eat be killed in front of me but I just sit there
>the chef takes out a set of what doesn't appear to be kitchen utensils but surgical tools and rolls the set in front of my fiancee
>the goose is frantically trying to escape its restraints and honking
>the honking sounds frantic and terrified begging to be set free
>the chef starts laughing and starts plucking feathers from the goose's belly
>the honking now sounds excrucuating and angry
>me and my fiancee look on, the blood in her face is gone she is pale and almost at the point of tears
>the chef removes a scalpel from his tool set
>it has words in french on it that I can't make out
>a symbol that looks roughly like a swastika peaks out at me from where the handle meets the blade
>the honking now sounds exhausts almost as if the goose has given up and is trying to mentally prepare itself for whats about to happen
>without hesitation the chef digs the scalpel into the goose's skin
>a horrible shriek sounds out as the chef drags the scalpel from its sternum to the bottom
>laughing the chef plunges his hand in and pulls out the engorged liver
>its an awful sight, blood now covers most of the table as organs fall out over the platter the goose is laying on
>the goose is shrieking in agony as the chef lightly coats the grill in oil and places the still connected convulsing liver onto it
>the grill sizzles as the liver convulses and blood pops off the surface
>horrified but paralyzed I sit there as the chef laughs and mutters words I don't understand it doesn't even sound French

>after the liver has cooked for quite some time the chef finally disconnects it from the goose's other organs
>cutting it in half he plops it on our plates and says "bon appetit!" laughing maniacally
>2 women haul a garbage bin to our table as the chef picks up the goose by the neck laughing
>his laughter curtails as he wraps both hands around its throat and starts choking
>blood and a string of organs dangle before us as he drops it in the trash bin after a pop is heard in its neck
>2 men carry the grill, the bin and the cart away telling us "bon appetit" in unison and laughing
>my fiancee is in tears at this point
>we both stare at our plates for what seems like ages
>our waiter comes back and asks if there's something wrong with the food
>"no" I answer
>he says he can have the chef prepare another one if ours is not to our satisfaction
>horrified my fiancee chimes in "NO!"
>I pay and we leave abruptly our night ruined
>on our way out we see the bin with the discarded goose in it and the chef laughing manically kicking it over in front of a group of feral cats who jump on the chance at food
>the chef starts laughing manically and flicking matches at the cats as he catches our eyes
>he says something I can't understand, it doesn't even sound French
>my fiancee buries her face in my shoulder as I force a smile and say yes and thanks
>2 years later and I haven't eaten meat since

>>6137077
tl;dr

>>6137085
typical carnist, the hormones form the meat has fried your brain so much you can't read

The French know that extreme suffering prior to death makes things taste better. I believe they learned it during ww2 when they were forced to eat their children because they got tired of chicken.

nice bait faggot

>>6137098
I don't think you know what bait means.

You've also obviously never eaten in france.

That's awesome, I wish restraunts around here put so much effort into their dishes. You've convinced me, OP, when I buy a movie theather, I'll serve foie gras.

>>6137104
post footage of geese being killed at a table
hearsay is heresy in an argument

>>6137077
>>6137078
>>6137081

2spoopy

The only reason I'm not sure that this is fake is that the French do weird stuff like drown live birds in armangnac.

>>6137110
>>6137098
>he's never eaten in France
>he thinks you're allowed to film inside

>>6137116
provide evidence or admit you're a sad troll and fuck off

>>6137110
you aren't allowed to film it you idiot, there are some things you just have to experience yourself

also, they only do it in really high end restaurants that scum like you could never get in to

>>6137119

>tfw only allowed into brasseries like Pied Au Cochon

Apparently when Au Petit Sud Ouest they ran the pre-booking funds validation on my bank account I was short on their minimum amount by around 1,000 euro. Does anyone know when they upped the threshold?

>>6137118
I told you the story to the best of my recollection. The reason most people don't experience it is that they are poorfags that can't afford a cup of water in these places.

You aren't allowed to film or take pictures and they make you leave your phone at the front.

>>6137126

Why are you booking with a debit card instead of a credit card? Every time you have a place do a pre-authorization it's going to lock you out of your funds.

This is why there are credit cards, folks. That and the anti-fraud.

inb4 someone who can't into personal finance goes off about how it's fiat money and it will ruin your life and bring about the fourth reich or something.

>>6137131

It's not really that. I had applied for a AMEX black card and I only had my Capital One Platinum, which is maxed out until I get to pay it off with my tax year bonus. I have it now, hopefully they didn't blacklist me forever so I can rebook.

>>6137127
http://www.tripadvisor.com.au/LocationPhotoDirectLink-g187147-d945494-i68643147-Au_Petit_Sud_Ouest-Paris_Ile_de_France.html

>>6137140
That was the duck. They don't do it for every customer or when they are very busy.

>>6137119
>really high end restaurants that scum like you could never get in to


Price range: A$65 - A$80
http://www.tripadvisor.com.au/Restaurant_Review-g187147-d945494-Reviews-Au_Petit_Sud_Ouest-Paris_Ile_de_France.html

Please don't troll, we have enough of that here.

>>6137147
>comparing the cover service to the high end exclusive night service
Poorfags gonna poor.

>>6137148
please stop trolling

>>6137149
>trolling
Please take your autism medication.

>>6137150
please stop making bad jokes that you think aren't horrible attempts at trolling

>>6137153
Only a fucking idiot would read what I wrote and think I meant the person reading it was meant to take it seriously.

You don't even know what troll/trolling means.

This isn't even trolling, it's just a big pile of horseshit. Just piss off and don't come back.

>>6137089
>carnist

>>6137205
No. Don't you have a memesauce thread to be making, kiddie?

>>6137161
once you kept stretching out the "joke" you were trolling
a troll is not genuine

>>6137113
You can't drown a dead bird. You'd just be soaking it.

>Winter of '05
>Roomate has been googling recipes for goose
>Says it's time
>Wannabe hardasses we were
>Geared up in all black
>Flashlights, stale soughdough & an old feed sack
>He's crafted a harpoon out of a broomstick & a pole barn nail
>I have the knife
>We wait until dark
>It's bitter harsh & windy
>At the park, all the geese are in a cozy huddle
>He hands me the harpoon
>He begins scattering bread
>The geese are euphoric
>Affectionate squawking all around
>"Thanks human bros"
>All avian eyes are on the bread
>They have no idea
>I'm surrounded by soft, fluffy, heart-shaped backs
>Skull is pounding
>My whole throat is barren
>I raise the skewer over a goose just between my shoes & strike
>Missed!
>Roomate is cratered
>"Give it to me, dipshit"
>Goose was just like, "Hey Take it easy mwoffgrbb"
>He tosses what crumbs are left
>Surveys the flock & coils up
>He lunges
>Got 'im
>Oh the shrieking
>They fucking realize
>It's just us three now
>The bird is pinned to the cold, cold ground
>Both of us are stunned, lost in the gibbous death cries
>I grab the thing by the head & flick the blade open
>Start sawing away feverishly
>Shrieks turn to gurgles
>The head is off
>Its neck is still chortling blood
>I'm covered in it
>He is giggling like a bedtime child
>I revolve aimlessly
>I've thrown the head in the pond without thinking
>"It'll sink." He said, laughing the whole time
>One small eye glitters at me from the water
>We leave
>In the backyard for another 40 minutes plucking feathers
>Bad dreams that night
>Goose is frozen, ready for that weekend
>Invite friends over for dinner
>Still touchy about the whole mess
>Friend continously salts me by recounting details of the killing
>Years later I'm still reluctant to try goosemeat
>I feel guilty whenever I go to a park where wild birds are
>I also feel queasy when I hold a bag of marshmallows

>>6137077
>>6137078
>>6137081
I enjoyed reading that, not because I have a boner for slaughtering ducks at the table, but for the quality of the writing.
Do you write often?

>>6137436

Damn son, that's a gripping account.

>>6137440
You like dark meat?

>>6137447
I'm actually a vegetarian.

>>6137436
I would like to mock you in some way, but I think you've suffered enough.
One thing that could help you get over it (and I say this with honesty) is to go to that park and feed the geese. again (without decapitating any of them, of course).

>OP is gonna be a faggot
>i cant prevent it

>>6137077
I had a good laugh and it saddens me that certain others takes satire so seriously.

>>6137077
>winter of 2014
>be OP
>be vegetarian faggot
>invent a story about executing a goose in a restaurant and post it on /ck/
>still a faggot
>haven't convinced anybody to stop eating meat

>>6137436
Harpoon? fuckin hell just give them a whack across the neck with a broom handle or something like it.

Quick, clean and they never see it coming...

>>6137286
learn to read. he said live birds

>>6137077
0/10
Try harder, you mincing faggot.

>>6137153

Utter tool, OPs post is satire clearly.

If you understand social interaction like a norma-

Oh right I forgot you're autistic.

>>6137553
he implied that the information of drowning a live bird isn't necessary as you can't drown things that aren't alive
learn to not be a jackass

>>6137710
I found it rather derivative of this post >>6137020 in the foie gras thread >>6131658

But well played, OP, at getting the humorless to respond.

>>6137077
say could you pick me up latest issue?