/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>6119895
>not having your own house

>not doing it anyway and having a conversation about food at the same time

nigger you dont even need to give them eye contact because you are cooking

>>6119895
>gives a fuck about other niggas in the house whilst cooking.

>anon that looks gross
>you just started

>trying to cook when somebody else is in the kitchen

It's just me and my girlfriend, but sometimes I wish I lived alone. She goes out of town every couple months to visit her aging parents, and is gone for 2 weeks at a time. I always take a vacation and greatly look forward to it.

I lay around jacking off to depraved porn, play vidja, drink way too much alcohol, and eat nothing but steak, shrimp, bacon, eggs, burgers, chicken nuggets, hamburger helper, fried catfish, ice cream, brownies, cashews, pistachios, crackers, cheese, olives, etc.

I don't think she'd care, but I don't let her know how much I indulge her being gone.

>she has no idea

>>6119953
Never let her know
Seriously never

>making dinner for myself and friend
>they're just sitting around and watching
>ask them to get my jar of sugar from the fridge
>they pull out my jar of cum
>they ask what it is
>tell them it's nothing, get the other jar
>later after we eat quietly he leaves
>haven't heard from him since
You would think he's never heard of saving it up before. You can't keep it in the fridge, it starts to smell.

>>6119953
She'll punish you if she finds out you enjoy yourself at all, especially if it's because she is gone. You having self control while she's around won't mean shit.

>not roping your roommates/family/home invaders into doing the chopping for you while you handle the stove

>>6119953
she probably fucks her high school sweetheart every time she goes to visit her parents.

>>6119937

>being around people that would ever say this

I swear, some of you guys hang out with the biggest assholes. Why do you surround yourselves with shitty people?

>>6119953

>live with fiancee
>she goes away for the summer to do an internship
>go to bed whenever I feel tired
>bed to myself, sleep right in the middle
>sleep like a fucking baby
>wake up whenever I wake up
>go on random 3-hour walks
>cook whatever food I want (she's not as "adventurous" as I am)

It was a good summer. HOWEVER, I'm glad it's over. It's not like she directly pressures me to do things, but when she's around it encourages me to keep a normal schedule, be more productive, etc. It was just a nice little vacation.

>>6119953
alone time is best time

>>6120088
not when your always alone

>>6120111
rekt

>Go down to the kitchen to get some food in peace and quiet
>Mom and brother follow suit

Every fucking time

>>6120557
>living at home
puss

>>6120557
I've seen the feeling man like a dozen times over the years and I never noticed how cute and cut he is.

>>6119895
The only time when this bothers me is when I have my Mother over. She comes into the kitchen to hover and tries to take control.

Nothing I do is ever good enough...

>>6119895
>cooking quesadilla the other day and prepping some dericious guacamole
>roommate sits at kitchen table trying to make convo
>go away

>>6119969
He wasn't worth your time if he can't handle a jar of cum. I immediately tell people about mine for this very reason.

Also I have no friends.

I dream of being alone. I haven't been truly alone in as long as I can remember. I need to go camping soon.

Though I'm sure the grass is greener.

>>6120693
no one believes you when you tell them you're truly happy when no one else is around

>>6120699
That's because most people who say that actually enjoy the company of others without realizing it. They like to complain and be heard or just be within proximity of people and aren't aware of it.

>sick as fuck, can't be bothered to cook real food
>making mac and cheese
>stepdad walks in
>"whoa anon you eat that shit? why don't you eat real food?"

>Skinny to the point that I have had my doctor say he is worried about my weight
>Feel like the biggest fat piece of shit if I cook or eat in front of anyone
please leave I am so hungry

>>6120699
I believe it though. There's lots of people that do stuff by themselves. My favorite kind of day off is the day where I can go 12+ hours without saying a single word. I'll text maybe but just sitting around working on various things with my cat is the best. Not to say I don't enjoy hanging out with my friends. Just that being alone at home every once in a while would be nice.

>just starting to prepare my meal
>roommate sees me, gets up, grabs a bit pot, fills it with water, and sets it on the front burner

even worse
>starts loading and unloading the dishwasher

Bitch steals my olive oil too.

>>6120685
>keeps jar of cum
>wonders why it no friends

>guests you are cooking for keep asking to help

>>6120725
Everybody does it but pretends they don't. Urinating in the shower, picking your nose, eating food that fell on the floor like a second ago.

>>6120780
One of those things is not like the others.

hiding in room becasue people smoking in house
tv on max volume
talking loudly about shit that doesn't matter

>>6120800
Smoking cannabis?

You're safe with us.

>Cooking
>A little smoke
>"You'll burn the house down, anon!"
Fuck off

>>6120780
>everybody
The only thing I do out of all those is pick my nose.

>>6120843
you don't piss in the shower? what, are you a grill?

>>6120866
Not him but my shower is clogged and I'm too lazy to get drano so I don't ever pee in it.

Well sometimes when I'm done i'll pee in it from outside the tub.

>save a flush!

>>6120033
>why do we have families?
Fuck off Bruce.

>>6120866
No I am not a bbq

>>6119899
>not having a family

>>6120874
That doesn't make sense. It wouldn't clog the drain any more than the water.

>>6119969
Why would you keep sugar in the fridge?

>go to kitchen to do anything at all
>roommate comes out to bug me
>EVERY FUCKING TIME
>does same to all other roommates
>Nobody living here can fucking stand him, thinks hes creepy and we're all trying to get him voted off the island
how do I get this asshole kicked out jesus christ

>>6121139
I don't wanna stand in my pee, man.

>>6122725
enjoy your athlete's foot

>>6122731
I only had athlete's taint but I nipped that shit in the bud.

>>6121133
Gosh, what website am I on?

>>6120780
No anon.

>explain what ingredients I'm using to make a dish
>"what recipe are you using anon?"
does it look like I need a recipe?

>>6122744
i appreciate your sense of humor

Used to have same problem. When company or family I have over ask if they can help, now I just tell them "I'm fine in here, but if you want to help me out would you mind setting the table/letting the dogs out/someothershit.

>>6119937
For me everybody in my family feels compelled to give me a fake smile and say "Mmm, smells good!" when all i've done is turn the oven on.

>>6122969
That's just the sound of the mice nests burning

I get that when it's been a long time since I fired up the oven, it will pass

I feel like I can't experiment or do anything unorthodox in the kitchen when other people are around; I feel like they're judging me.

>>6120707
If this is a consistent problem for you, you should talk to someone about it. Eating disorders are serious shit :(

>home on Christmas
>my mom gives me six Cornish game hens and tells me to cook them for dinner for my family and brother in law
>sister gets pissy when she sees me splitting and butterflying the hens
>complaining she wanted a whole bird
>bitch you got a whole bird
>complains til she sees and tastes the finished product
>my dad later tells me they didn't do any work and shouldn't complain about how I prepared them

All my family did, except for my dad who was visiting my crazy grandma, was sit in the living room and bullshit about my "uncle" and his sex change. I hate cooking for my sister.

>>6122731
>implying you dont shower with shower shoes

what the fuck is your problem? do you really go in the shower barefoot? jesus christ man come on

>>6120800

Living doesn't matter.

Go on, take a hit and enjoy a moment of blissful ignorance while you can.

>>6119948
I know the fuck out of this feel. Such a cooking-boner killer

>>6123856
>showering with shoes outside of a dorm

>>6119937
>Anon that looks gross
>Ok. Go and buy something from Mc donalds, cuz I'm not feeding your ungrateful mouth.

>>6119895
It's fine as long as they don't come into the kitchen.

Coming into the kitchen is how you get a chef's knife branded at you threateningly.

>>6119937
This is /ck/, you threaten to stab someone while holding your knife in a pinch grip not a hammer grip.

>>6120050
Same stuff.
Need my GF, but she can be fucking boring.
Still her good grades, straight edge, etc. is the kind of stuff that keeps me together.

Fucking pathetic tbh.

>>6119981
Why would I even bother roping someone else into doing my chopping and other prep when I know I'd just get annoyed with how they were doing it and have to do it myself anyway?

>>6124253
We're all none of us perfect.

>friend comes way too early
>completely throws me off my concentration while trying to have a conversation while I cook
>main entree of dinner party doesn't come out right because of the distraction

I make it a point to say that I gotta focus if someone is around.

>>6124148
>I'm not feeding your ungrateful mouth.
I'm using this for sexting now.

>>6124288
that's a sexy story

>>6124261
Because you're not autistic, right?

>in kitchen chopping broccoli
>mongol horde arrives and engulfs me
>boning knife in left hand - cleaver in right
>cut path to refrigilator
>limbs and digits swimming in blood and gore
>grab Italian parsley from veg drawer
>hack my way back to counter
>mince a little greens for interest
>slaughter and render a raft of merganser ducks
>eliminate any guest not Norwegian
>saute broccoli and sprinkle with parsley
>hose down galley
>relax with a nice malbec

>>6124301
That's clearly a symptom of OCD, not autism.

>>6119953
yeah buddy
yeah

>>6120111
ow.

>>6122078
Write him an eleven page eviction notice printed in eyesore yellow and leave it on the toilet. Do not be kind.

>>6119895
>live in a share-house with 10 people
>1 fucking kitchen
>always someone coming in and out
this is hell. moving soon though

>>6119895
>visit /ck/
>full of dumb frog posters

It should be noted that nearly every board on 4chan gets frog posts at the same time from the same person. They post slightly on topic meta shit with frog pics in order to lower the quality of the board.

Report them and hide the threads.

>roommates know I'm the best cook, stay out of my way while I'm cooking, ask me for advice sometimes, and don't mind my occasional kitchen nagging

>can I help?

>>6124253
I feel you. My girlfriend's kinda lame in a lot of ways but when she's not around to keep me on track I'm a mess. I need the lame.

>>6124944
Yes. Chop an onion.
>takes 15 minutes

My roommate is the slowest god damn prep guy I've ever seen. I sometimes do mise an place on his cooking night, because hearing him chop vegetables with the speed and precision of a toddler on opieates angers me.

>>6119895
i feel you

>>6124627
the thread is two days old and this website has been a joke for years, you mong

>>6124253
this me exactly

im afraid for when we start living together

she lives an hour away and we work so i only see her a couple days at a time
so pathetique but i need her

and i need alone time
UGH

>>6119895
Fuck living in shared accommodation.
Fuck it in its fucking stupid awkward ass.

I swear this west indian bitch (or some kind of african, she was black as the night anyway) was cooking fucking rat bones soaked in piss and vinegar in some kind of fucking voodoo ritual.
Really it was some kind of salty fish, but it smelt like fermenting vagina. I gaged more than once.
Also her fat bitch daughter came to same with her two niglets (no father), and she left period blood all over the toilet and her kids where loud little cunts.

And this other bitch cooked everything in campbell's concentrated cream of mushroom soup. I made the whole house Smell fucking revolting.

And the land lady was a crazy old bitch that walked her cat on a lead.

Most of the other people who lived there were chill though. I worked shifts so and don't see any of them too often.

>>6119948
;_;

>>6119953
thug life

>>6123845
>uncle and his sex change

This has me interested

>>6124627
>not liking Pepe

fuck off redditor

>>6120707
Don't ever feel bad about eating anon. It's a physiological need, and anyone who gets up your ass about it a genuinely retarded.

>>6122969
>about to boil black eyed peas
>put water in pan and turn on heat
>roommate on couch: hey man that smells good, what is it?

>>6126273
He probably knows you aren't cooking yet. Sounds to me like he's telling you he'd like some food too, but doesn't want to make your awkward ass tell him no if you don't want to.

>>6123929
Frfr I've only ever used shower shoes when I was locked up

>Friend pops into kitchen
>"Hey, Anon, why don't you use (BULLSHIT INGREDIENT) when you make (NAME OF FOOD)?
>Me: "My cooking is my damn business. If I prefer the dish without it, I'll have it without it."

>>6120709
>iktf

although, they don't use my olive oil any more. I just keep it in the big tin it came with, and they're too retarded to pour it without spilling it. They use a spray bottle of olive oil now. Not like one you fill up yourself, but for greasing a cookie sheet. They use that for making eggs.

>>6120706

If I ever make a food porno movie, it will start out like this....

>>6119895
Dude seriously you need to smoke some weed and take some anger management classes.

>>6129315
Does the dad flop his dick out when he says 'real food'?

My friends are all lazy fucks, so when I'm cooking, it's in my nature to always cook for everyone there, so they leave me to do my thing and make some "hella good" dishes.

>>6120685
heh

>Trying to make a meal with room mate
>all he ever wants to do is fry shit on way too high heat, oil everywhere
>get a nice huge pork loin 4lbs
>"let's chop it up and fry it with some jamacian seasoning!"
>What? like, jerk season you mean? and no, this is a roast, you roast it.
>method of seasoning is to literally dump everything in the cupboard in
>"FUSION haha"
> " Oh anon I made this is too salty, do you want it"

Everyone raves about what a good cook he is because they all just eat fast food and microwave shit. He's also totally unsanitary and basically destroys the kitchen anytime he cooks.
I'm going to chalk it up to the fact that he smokes waaay too much and only cooks while way too high.

>>6121140
Bugs and no counter space is why we do it in my house. We seriously can't keep ants out

>>6131046
>method of seasoning is to literally dump everything in the cupboard in
I fucking hate this.

>friend comes over to cook
>throws every type of seasoning into stew when I'm not looking
>"oh garlic would go well with this! oh man let's throw in some oregano! oh dude, montreal steak spice!"
>"a little bit of sriracha, franks hot sauce, mustard, ketchup, and dijon mustard for dat dere flavor"
Jesus fucking christ. I hate that shit so much. I've thrown out all my spices/condiments except for salt and black pepper.

>>6124261
Iktfb
>cuts tomato in 4
>salad
Really nigga?

>>6124627
>frogism

>I cook
>They clean

>>6131216
>I cook
>I clean

I do shit right and I hate the way other people do things.

>>6124253
at least you have a gf faget

>>6131248

Not everyone is terrified of being alone.

I'm engaged, and yeah it would suck if we broke up, but I could be perfectly happy alone, too.

I think people should learn to enjoy being alone before they get into any serious relationship. Then they won't take other people's shit for fear that they'll leave them.

>>6131277
You must love yourself before you love another.

>>6129083
My mom is like this. Literally every dish needs "onion and garlic powder"
Every meal every day without fail.

>>6124261

It's a curse, potato's and bell peppers get me the worst.

also
>cutting something in half at an angle parallel to your chest
>using a small serrated stake knife to cut vegetables