/ck/ - Food & Cooking

I used to have a very unhealthy casual relationship with a woman who loved alone in the country.
I did not really like her that much but would go have sex with her when I was sexually frustrated and lonely.
I would stop at a vegetable stand sometimes and pick up cucumbers or corn on the cob to put inside her.
She did not like it but I did it anyway.
Once I used a beer bottle.
She put up with it because she was lonely and had a crush on me.
Sometimes I am not a good person :(

>>6064214
>things that never happened for 100, bob

>>6064222
What about this anecdote seems implausible?

>>6064156
There used to be a place in NYC that did that, it was called master cakes or something like that. They would do anything that you wanted.

>>6064235

corn on the cob or a standard sized salad cuke are fucking enormous things to put in a vagoo, m80. they're bigger than 99% of all dildos and 100% of weeners.

like, twice as big around. bigger than that beer bottle(beer bottle is totally plausible). 'ginas are not naturally large, and penetration can feel good, but too big is too damn big, that DOES NOT feel good

>feels bad, man
>woman

a chick that could take an ear of corn would be a specialist and have had to practice for a while to get to that kind of girth.

>tmyk.jpg

>>6064250
Jeez and i thought she was just being a wimp.

>>6064156
This guy hasn't figured out he's gay yet, it has nothing to do with manliness. Everything from hat, glasses, coat to manicured nails says gay. Source: I suck cocks.
>>6064156
It's something that SOUNDS like a great idea at the time, especially if you're drunk/rolling and in the moment. Cleanup is a mess and can contribute to yeast infections/UTIs depending on what you use. I've done the old chilled banana up the tailpipe a few times but it's a poor substitute for hard dick.
Seriously /ck/ just go get laid, it's not hard.

>>6064250
>>6064253

Just a freak job

1. Partially open a banana
2. Remove fruit
3. ???
4. Instant sleeve fo' yo' dick

Wasn't very good though, turned nasty and brown through the session and eventually fell apart. You might get better results from a melon though.

Also relevant: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xM_8OVMYZRI

>>6064261
Yer mum gave me an instanst dick sleave, too cold for me!

>>6064255
>Seriously /ck/ just go get laid, it's not hard.


Fuck you faggot you never had to chase a woman. It fucking sucks.
First they are not into casual sex unless its with celebrities.
Second they are mean as snakes.
Lucking fucking gloating faggot pls go.

>>6064261

>>6064156

>playing a game years ago in which you say something you never did before and those who have done it have to admit it when they have done it
>group of old highschool friends and we were all drunk basically
>decided to throw in the statement that I never masturbated before with food
>that fucking sjw friend of mine no one really liked was the only one admitting that she had
>everyone was disgusted
>my work there was done

>>6064255
>>6064268
>tfw straight
>tfw you have to have a good personality and not be awkward and weird because women base their attraction on their perception of perceived alpha male characteristics such as money and aggression and confidence

If I was gay I could just rely on my good looks and be having sex all the time because it's a scientifically proven fact that men are mostly visual when it comes to what they're attracted to

>>6064268
>>6064275
this is not a
>tfwnogf
thread
go >>>/r9k/
if you wanna qq about chads

>>6064278

Oh right, the deviant faggot is allowed to post graphic descriptions of unnatural acts he's done with food, but the straight guy isn't allowed to complain even for a second.

Thanks obama!

>>6064284
oh my you're a faggot too
its ok then you can stay :)

>>6064268
>First they are not into casual sex unless its with celebrities.
Yes, yes they absolutely are. Women are just as horned up as men, they just present in a different way. Nevermind that ratchets up fast the older they get. Find some good coug pussy at a hotel bar and go to fucking town.
>Second they are mean as snakes.
Nothing meaner than an angry queen, women ain't shit.
>>6064275
Honestly many women want to take care of (read: dominate, but that's a roll of the dice, some sincerely just want to mother) their men. You have to actually leave the house to find other people though!

one time when my ex and i were kinda on our honeymoon period we went to some import shop and she suggested we buy chilli ice cream, which was a weird thing for her to wanna try. that night i woke up to her eating it off my back and out of my arse, then she turned me over and had a cup of tea and some ice cream and was doing hot and cold on my dick and balls. was pretty great, not gonna lie.

i've never instigated it, i don't massively see the appeal in general.

>>6064156
Edible panties are nice on a hot chick, they're like red licoriche, given a really hot chick especially one that's a girlfriend, that's a lot of fun.

Then I have to do the same for her, and have to wear underoos or some crap.

grr!

>>6064308
Motherfucker don't you dare try to say its as easy to bed a woman as it is a gay man.
No
Fucking
Way

>>6064156

this is fun and of course girls love chocolate

>>6064330
This will get you laid,

Godiva white chocolate mixed with some some cognac.

Guaranteed!
Thank anon l8r!

>>6064327
Tinder is no Grindr but it's not difficult. I've got college buddies that are absolute uggos and they're getting their dicks wet every weekend. Chicks on OKC and tinder are there because they are dtf.

>>6064347
Good times!

>>6064347

I am not saying straight males never get to have one night stands , but it is just not even close to how often gay males get to have them.
Not
Even
Close

>>6064156
I consider dolphins food and like fucking their blow holes.

Hot times!

>>6064156
I once got road head from a Krispy Kreme custard-filled donut.

>>6064857
i'm a gay male and i never had one and i don't intent to ever have one.

>>6064250
You must be tarded. There are lots of sex-with-cucumbers documentary photos on the interweb. I suggest you do some research using Google Image Search.

>>6064878
No one is forcing you to have one, but if you did want one, five min in a gay dive bar and your getting head in the bathroom.
There is no equivalent for straight males.

Warm honey can be really nice.
It's a horrible, horrible mess when you're done though....

>>6064250
m8 a baby's head passes through that thing at least once for most women. i'm guessing a beer bottle isn't gonna be a problem

>>6064877
Underrated post

>>6064250
Corn on the cob maybe, but cucumbers fit in my ass fine and vaginas are more stretchy

>>6064261
The skin really isn't as good as I expect, but the fruit itself (peeled) goes up my ass quite nicely. Then I can shit out a huge load when I cum

>>6064857
>that writing style
I do agree though

I've had a hot dog or two stuck up there on occasion, yes.

>>6064156
I used to let my boyfriend put strawberries in my vagina and then he'd eat them. That was hot as fuck.