/ck/ - Food & Cooking

No.

>>5866965
I had sex this morning with a married woman in a van with curtains in a public parking lot.

>>5866965
no m8

>>5866979
How was it?

>>5867009
It was pretty good.
We've been doing it for a while now.
I want to stop because i feel bad about it , but I am not really getting much action other than this lately so when I get the text I ending meeting her anyway.

>>5866965
Those olives look like they would overpower everything.

I've licked the screen before and tried to pretend I could taste it

>>5867042
You probably should stop, that shit can get pretty messed up. Do they have kids?

>>5866979
was it your van or hers

>>5866965

Yup, I do all the time. I suspect there are quite a few anons on here with disordered eating habits. You're not alone.

Pictures of food and cooking shows just make me even more hungry.

>>5867084
Yep. 2 kids.

>>5867095
The van is mine.
I am constantly amazed that women are willing to have sex in it.

>>5867103
I think I remember seeing some other people doing it as well.

>>5867136
Yeah, but for some reason it's oddly satisfying.

>>5867146
i wouldnt be, it takes a special kind of confidence to say 'well i could pork you in my van'
of course if you find a chick willing to fuck in the back of your flatbed you knock her up immediatly

>>5866965
Dude I just got home and was gonna post the same thing
Faggot

Why aren't people posting more pictures of delicious food?

>>5867159
Beat you to it, bitch.

>tfw trying to starve yourself and your roommates are cooking good smelling food

>>5867167
because were more interested in this anons sex life

>>5867158
Yeah, I'm a bit of a loser by most metrics but I do not lack confidence.
What attracts women seems just nutty to me.

>>5867167

>>5867188
Why would you eat a baby?
Are you an atheism?

>>5867138
>tfw her 3rd kid is yours and looks different from the other 2

>>5867224
I usually wear a condom .
When I forget one ,I pull out even though she says she is on the pill.

>>5867184
confidence is it mane
thats literally it

>>5867231
There's always that rare chance...

>>5867236
That is so odd.
True I think, but odd none the less.
I don't understand women at all.
Confident women do not stand out to me.
I don't mind if they are confident but it does not make them one iota more attractive.

yeah. I don't know why but I love looking at pictures of food (particularly spicy/heart-attack food) during the week when I'm eating healthy

I'd never come here after eating a big pizza or chili or something though. I guess cause it would be after the fact and the anticipation of a big fuck-off takeaway has gone

>>5866979
>>5867042
I got a "masage" off of backpage yesterday. The woman wasn't married, but she was a mother. Shit got super fucking weird.

For anyone not in the know (I.e. normal humans without degenerate sexual habits) massages are usually pretty clean, and chill. They can get expensive, but it's a relaxing way to get a masage and an orgasm without worrying about conversation or prostitution charges.

Any who
> backpage
> call number, get address
> pull up, call, go inside
> clean house, quiet upscale-ish apartment complex
> get butt naked, lay down on masage table
> woman starts massage, and starts talking her head off
> uh.....well...whatever, massage feels great, treat the conversation like white noise
> can't ignore conversation any longer
> she's talking about her daughter and having to move from BJORN
> talking about wanting to write a book on nutrition and GMO's
> ohfuckshesgoingtomurderme.jpg
> on my back now, she starts "accidentally" touching my cock and balls (the anticipation is usually the best part for me)
> she finally gets down to business
> splooge.png
> towel wipe down, get dressed and start to leave, open bedroom door
> FUCKING 16 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER IS RIGHT OUTSIDE OF THE DOOR

I bailed so fucking fast. Road runner status, nothing but a cloud of dust where I was standing.

>>5867267
****NJ not fucking BJORN. How is that even in my auto correct? Cell phones....

>>5867267
Nothing wrong with an unmarried mother doing stuff like that. You did nothing wrong, anon.

I find recipes on /ck/ or /fit/ and eat them for gains since cooking has become a hobby to supplement fitness.

I also regularly fuck women in parking lots in my open top Wrangler. I love and hate Vegas.

>>5867272
I actually felt good about it later.

Realizing she was a single mom, I knew the money was going to help provide for her daughter. There were other environmental cues that made me think that, not just wishful thinking.

I've been wondering ever since....how common is minor prostitution like that? She was just a woman trying to get ahead. Didn't seem malicious in the least.

No STD's, no bar tabs, she got what she wanted and I was happy. It's a nice little service to provide. It's like getting your car detailed (if your car was your wiener).

>>5867271
>NJ
>not BJORN
>not her running away from crazy abusive Icelandic trip-hop artist

Man, it added to the mental image so much.

>>5867281
When I can't get any the old fashioned way I go to Asian massage parlors.
30 bucks for a half hour massage and 20 bucks tip.
For that I get to touch them as well.

What did you pay the hippie lady in jersey ?

>>5867281
a lot of people don't realize this, but, actually, prostitution like that is very common. in fact, even historically, many women were not life-long prostitutes; rather, they only sold sex in times of need and then continued on

>>5867298
Way too much. I live in a service industry town. I'll go ahead and say it, whatever. Myrtle Beach SC. Literally everything is inflated here because faggots from up north come down here on vacation.

People from OH, NJ, NY, CT, PA, WV, and MA flock here to vacation/retire and talk shit about how much it sucks down south.

> if it sucks so much, please keep your arrogant asses up north. we welcome you with open arms and southern hospitality, and you shit on it
> YA SUDANA'S SOUND LIKE A BUNCHA RETADS WIT YA ACCENTS, LETS GET IN DA CAAAH AND GO TO DA BAAAAH

But anyway, I paid $75. I've been to an Asian place here that charged the same. I was price shopping, but it seems like $75 is the minimum here. Doesn't seem right for a HJ.

Any advice?

>>5867334
What does the house charge for half an hour?

>>5867353
Private lady is $75 flat rate, Asian place is $50 for a half hour and $40 for a "tip". Waaaaay too fucking much. I did it once, but now IDK where the fuck to go.

I'm not doing $75 or $90. I want $60 or less (no tip) but idk where to go. Plz help anon.

>>5867365
Check craigslist under thereputic.

>>5867334
im sorry i know we can be dicks but its part of our charm
when i go to places with nice people it makes me so angry like why are you being so nice to me what do you fucking want from me are you trying to steal my car/girlfriend/wallet whats the angle do you want heroin?

every nice stranger up north is a heroin addict, unless there's some inherent camaraderie like contracting/being drunk

but really i hate nice people like just be an asshole to me you don't even know me

you'll never understand

>>5867372
I'm always worried about legitimateness. Maybe for no good reason I'm wary of CL.

>>5867376
That section will list the best rates of all the Asian massage places.
That is where they all advertise out west anyway.

>>5867376
Just checked your area .
Looks like tuggers cost twice as much out east.
Take a look at Denver, way cheaper and legal pot.
I love the west.

>>5867374
> implying I've never lived up north
> assuming I dont understand your "culture"
> thinking you guys have some magical defense mechanism ingrained in you because of the "tough" northern environments you live in

Honestly you guys are just faggots. People are shit everywhere. Go spend a week in Atlanta.

Seriously, every person I meet from Pennsylvania to Maine has an unwarranted sense of self importance.

> YAH YA KNO THE SOUF IS PRETTY GUD BUT YOUZ GUYZ COULD NEVA LAST A SECOND UP NORF WE GOTSTA SHUVAL SNOW 365 DAYS A YEA'
> YEA YOU SUDANA'S THINK YA PREDDY TUFF BUT DIDYA KNOW MY UNCLE WAS IN DA MAFIAS?
> I COULD GET SUMBADY WHACKED JUST LIKE DAT

Seriously man. This bullshit is not an exaggeration, I hear it constantly. People from up north act like they're part of a war tribe.

>>5867334
How do you even find out if a massage place does this stuff? like how is it brought up?

>>5867395
Please don't remind me.

Seriously, fucking salt in the wound. I can't get a decent HJ or herb. I hate you?

>>5867400
Gimme a minute and I'll explain. I'm on my way home

>>5867400
All Asian massage places give tuggers.
Once you are a regular you can buy sex but I would not advise it.
Poor hygiene in many of the ones I've met.

>>5867396
it is a war man
how long did you live up here?

really i get it, we're dicks. but i'm perfectly cool being a dick. and its great you guys aren't. i wouldn't personally be a dick to southern hospitality just because, but like you said, people suck everywhere.

the difference is if you steal all my food in january i'm fucked

>>5867396
>>5867414
also it sounds like you're talking about jersey mostly and everyone in the entire world hates jersey

>>5867412
Cause I live next to a asian place just titled "Massage" and I know they do all that shit.I wanna go in but I just don't know how to fucken ask or is it already implied that's what im there for?

>>5867451
That's what everyone is there for anon.
Put your hands out to the side and caress her leg a bit .
Make sure to be naked lying face down .
When they start massaging your balls raise your but in the air so they can grab your d.
They will then ask you to turn over and ask for a tip.
I never give more than 20 bucks because I am cheap. They will complain but stand firm .
Its all you can afford.

>>5867451
its more than implied, thats what every one there goes for

>>5867419
You only say NJ because you're from a different state. Trust me, it's all of you. I promise.

MB is strictly a tourist town. The tourism is exclusively from northern states, and you assholes are all the same.

It's not even the
> dey think they're better n' us, get dem queers!
Southern mentality, you guys really are all identical.

>>5867521
yeah and all you fags in south carolina are just like those poofters in north carolina and i can't even tell the difference between you and those fuckers in alabama
cmon now man i'm not even being a dick

>>5867138
what if her husband tries to kill you?

>>5867530
I am not going to lie anon.
I have had nightmares about this.
It does not seem to stop me though.
I am pretty much only motivated by sex.

>>5867527
Not a very good post. Came across as poorly informed and emotional.

I was comparing northerners specifically when they come down to MB on vacation. The north as a whole is a great place.

>>5867414
I lived up north for four years.

What the fuck is going on in this thread? faggots who starve themselves and people having sex in vans apparently.

>>5867567
Yeah pretty much.

>>5866965
>starving yourself
why?

>>5867756
Because handjobs in vans that's why.

>>5867756
because

There is no way I am paying more than 50 bucks for a tug job.

>>5868636
The fucks the point of paying for someone to jerk you off? I understand paying for pussy because you ALWAYS pay for pussy in some form or another. But a hand? I have two of those

>>5868646
Do you have two cute little Asian hands?
Need an extra 50 bucks?

>>5868676
Why? Do you have a gerbil stuck in your ass?

>Hungry skellington thread hijacked by horny skellingtons.

>>5867267

I wish I had the nerve to do this.

>>5868813
Its just a little tugger anon.
Just walk into any Asian massage place and see how it goes.

Can girls get a tugger at the Asian place?

>>5868849
No!

Can I bump this thread?
I find it arousing .

>>5866965
Yeah, not necessarily because I'm starving myself, but more because I'm at work and almost always forget to pack myself food to eat during my break. So I come on here and think about what i'll make when I get home.

>>5870768
It's okay, anon, you can tell us the truth, we won't judge you...

>>5868718
let's be clear.... i do NOT have a gerbil stuck in my ass.

in the interest of full disclosure, i do, however, have a tickle in my anus

>>5866965
Holy shit I am doing that right now! Fasting with double curry bomb supplements and green tea extract.

>>5867281
How much of an extra tip do you leave for that kind of thing.

I can't tell if this is the best thread on /ck/ or the worst thread.

Help.

>>5870844
I never give lady chinky eyes more than 20 extra for the ol yanky my cranky.
They act all hurt but come on its less than 20 min work. They are making more than I do!

>>5870855
welcome to /ck/

>>5870875
B-but I've been here for like 5 years.

>>5870875
I wonder how many anons will seek out a tuggery after reading this thread...

>>5870800
Nah, I eat in small portions, but I still do 3 meals a day, small snacks every couple of hours or so. I'm just forgetful.

>>5870883
the funny thing is, i was just looking to spend my paycheck on a backpage "escort" before i stumbled drunkenly on this thread

still don't know if it's a good idea....

>>5870883
im going on the weekend. i hope it goes well.

>>5870906
Post results.

>>5868849
If you're a dickgirl.

>>5867267
How much for the daughter to join in?

$75 for a hand shandy seems like a hell of a lot of money. Were I live it's €50 for a fuck, I think.

>>5870923
>dickgirl
Wat?

>>5870974
One of them girls with a nice feminine penis

>>5867244
I work near Timothy O Toole's but I've never gone there - I usually get out of downtown as quick as possible. Any good? Seems to pop up on the news and shit but I always just assumed it was a bit touristy

>>5870977

Is that a food place or one of the Rub and Tug shops? The name is confusing in this context.

>>5870895
Just go to massage parlor. My friend said one of the asian girls there will roll a condom on and ride him out towards the end. Didn't ask how much he tips though.

Yes

I also come here when I'm high and have the munchies

Sometimes. I don't always have money to make a fancy meal and don't really like to spend more than $5 for one piece of meat so it mostly limits me to chicken, pork, and turkey usually unless my local grocery store has their $5 for 5 deal even if it might be crappy cuts or close to expiration so I can't always have a good cut of steak and just browse here or watch youtube videos of steaks and other foods from time to time. Especially since I quit my job, my spending limit has really gone down to maybe just paying for gas and a cheap meal out every two weeks now.

And you all are making me think about investing in a van that I can't even afford also. :[

>>5871441
Use the idea of a cook sex van to motivate you to find a new and better job anon.