/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>5759761
Trimmed some brownish greyish coloration off some small steaks once. Fried them up, and ate them.

Missed work for two days...

Two words... "Both ends"

I only eat insanely fresh meat now... Bought and eaten same day. My fridge is a no meat zone,.. Or at most it gets parked there for 24 hours in a marinade.

Went to Greece with my parents as a kid. My dad loves liver and onions (since we're Britfags) which he requested from the waiter.

Said it smelled fishy but ate it anyway then ended up vomiting for 3 days straight.

Still jokes with us that they gave him dolphin liver that night. Crazy old fool.

i don't think i've ever had food poisoning.
if anything i'll just get brief diarrhea after eating something that doesn't really agree with my insides and then i'll be fine.

when i was 16 i contracted roto virus from taco bell. it's commonly transferred via fecal matter. i got a shitty taco on taco bell that almost killed me. my parents didnt take me to the doctor until a week after contracting the virus.... by that time my eyes were sunk in my skull and i had lost 20 lbs. doctor said i would've been dead that night.

>>5759913
You have shitty parents

Ate salsa at a airport in atlanta. Had to get a IV to keep up with fluid loss. Never eat food cooked by niggers

>>5759913
What thr fuck. What was their reasoning.

>>5759926
You were fucking 16 bro, you could dragged your ass to a walk-in clinic, unless you literally needed to be by a toilet 24/7.

some cheap mexican or spanish etc at atlantic city
food was sub-par, atmosphere was horrible and some mexican kids were watching dora or something
got some fajitas, meat was extremely undercooked and i ended up getting salmonella
was in hospital for 10 days, decided to sue restaraunt for low health standarts
>the owner's father is a health inspector
>passed an a-okay in it even though

Was at my cousins house and was starving so I ate some weird frozen sushi they had in the back of their freezer. An hour later I couldn't even keep water down. Vomiting, diarrhea, etc. I ended up huddled under a blanket in my cousins room while they partied downstairs. Eventually I fell asleep for awhile and woke up with a mess in my pants, fortunately it only left a small stain on the sheets.
I quickly cleaned myself up before anyone noticed, was able to rub the tiny brown spot out with some water and no one was the wiser.

My dad made me a drink, it looked like lemonade made with brown sugar, I thanked him. He warned me not to let it get warm. Later it slowly reached room temperature. Forgetting I had it, I downed it to quench my thirst. I thought nothing of it, roughly a few hours later, I felt the worse burning sensation in my gut. I went to the bathroom, sat on the toilet and cried as it ripped apart my anal canals, draining my stomach of it's contents

>>5760862
Your dad was trying to kill you.

Poisoned myself twice eating week old meat. Bitchy old landlord wouldn't allow me to use stovetop more than once a week.

>be me, very first day at very first job ever.
>working at an Exxon station during the summer
>Excited to finally have money, learning the ropes
>realize it's 4pm and I havent eaten since 10 that morning.
>Told to go sort and restock things in the cooler
>Hungry as fuck starting to lose focus.
>Find find a box of prepackaged sandwiches. I'm sure you know where this is going.
>Chicken salad is decent, doesn't taste off or anything.
>Devour my meal, back to stocking cooler. No probs.
>Fastforward to that night.
>Literally fart myself awake. One of those low resonant ones that seem to pickup momentum in the middle.
>"Jesus christ, that was crazy."
>start to feel a little gassy.
>Feel a burp coming on. Decide to let it loose.
>MOUTH SUDDENLY FILLED WITH VOMIT.
>Cheeks blown out like a chipmunk, literally starting to hurt from being stretched to capacity. vomit dribbling out of tightly pursed lips.
> Make it to bathroom, cutting another fart, just in time to realize that it's accompanied by a sloppy dribble gushing down my asscheeks.
> The next hour.:
>Kneel.
>Hurl
>Sit
>Squirt
>repeat this dance about four times before going for the courtesy flush.
>A sea of murky khaki and yellow and brown.
>Suddenly a speck catches my eye,
>A little black dot floating in the sea of nightmares and bile.
>Take a closer Look.
>realize there's more than one spec, all distinctly shaped.

>ANTS
>ABOUT SEVEN OF THEM.
>ANTS
>One of them was big too, carpenter ant sized. Didn't look like a queen, but fuck man.

I still dont know which end they came out of. And frankly, I don't want to know.

>buy pork chops
>cook and eat
>begin to notice an off, sour taste
>start shitting brown liquid every hour or two for a week straight
>lose 10 pounds
never gotten sick from anything before like that, ever

>>5760902

>>5759761
my old boarding school gave us some nasty merguez for the dinner basically half of the school catch a gastroenteritis. They didn't even let us call our parents.

Oysters at a Hooters in Illinois......enough said.

All my food poisoning stories end with me shitting uncontrollably. Thats literally it. I can eat pure botulism and only get the shits. Does this make me weird?

>lived with my aunt and her 4 young kids for a while
>one morning she and I are making breakfast. I think it was hashbrowns with onions and peppers with eggs
>we both got mild food poisoning from the eggs I'm assuming
>wasn't overly bad, I've had colds that were worse, I can deal with this
>second day of being sick her and. I are chilling with the kids who are little and didn't eat our food because they're picky but it probably saved em from bring sick
>one of my cousins who is about 5 dumps his toy bin on the floor and out rolls a chicken drumstick
>aunty and me both look at each other and say in unison, "we haven't made chicken in like three weeks...."
>we both lose out shit, literally, and scramble for the bathrooms and trashcan
>I saw my aunt's face turn greenish grey color before I ran to go vomit
>I've never felt so sick in my life and I've hated chicken ever since

>>5760928
...so you were disgusted to the point of puking because you saw rotten food?

>significant other decides we should have bbq chicken breast for dinner
>he brings the chicken outside to cook it then he comes back in and we eat
>after dinner, notice that there was only one plate and pair of tongs, meaning he brought the raw chicken out on a plate and handled it raw with the tongs then put the cooked chicken back on the raw chicken plate with the raw chicken tongs
>think oh well what can I do
>as the day goes on, feel like there is a bubble in my stomach and nothing can go past
>6 or 7 hours later, wake up to spend the whole night and the next day puking and shitting, also get a fever and shaking like a leaf
>had to call in sick for the first time

Ate a burrito at a small taqueria and downed it with a beer while on lunch break. Felt not hungry and a little nauseous later that night. Get uncontrollable hershey squirts for the next couple of days and eating anything makes it worse. Finally resort to fresh squeezed grapefruit juice and tequila. Finish a whole bottle of tequila. Cured and healed. Thats what you gotta do, starve it out and kill it with the booze.

In hindsight I should have bought some monster sized tortillas and shit all up in them, wrapped them up and put them in a to go box then dropped them off at the places front door. You know how the mobsters would always send some kind of sign like a dead fish or something? Well thats what this would be except its shit in a tortilla, think they would get the message?

>>5760862
>don't let it get warm
>looked like brown sugar lemonade
>let it get warm before drinking it and it fucked you up

SO WHAT WAS IT YOU LITTLE NIGGER

>>5759761
I drank a gallon of liquid smoke in a day.

>>5761054
That wouldn't be food poisoning you stupid fuck.

>>5760862
>>5761047

Sounds like a Prairie Oyster. Funnily enough the reason I immediately knew is because when I went down to New Orleans I purchased an oyster po'boy, but I couldn't finish it so I figured I'd just eat the other half during my trip home that day. I ate it about two hours later, and then two more hours after that I had to stop ever few miles to shit my guts out.

Oysters are so delicious but so deadly at the same time.

>wake up around 10
>play world of warcraft for 9 hours
>realize i haven't eaten in about 20 hours
>get a triple cheeseburger and fries from wendys
>down that fucker farming some gold
>get unbelievably tired like i've been drugged
>stand up, stumble to the toilet
>puke it all out in under 12 seconds
>slept on the floor

I woke up with a hangover and didn't eat wendy's for 6 months.

Fun fact if you think that the food your going to eat is or was a bit dodgy take a couple shots of booze with it. The more the better. The liquor kills the bad bacteria!

>>5761066
I really doubt it's a prairie oyster. That's an egg and hot sauce and other shit. No way >>5760862 could 'down it to quench his thirst' without realizing something was wrong / spitting it back up

>>5760928
Wut?

>Go to vacation with dad and his family for spring break at Great Wolf Lodge
>Was a little too old for it, but it was still fun, swimmin an shit
>One morning we went to get breakfast
>Breakfast and all other food there served on a buffet line
>Grabbed the usual eggs, bacon, and pancakes
>Eat, then got changed to go swimming
>The water there is heated
>feelsgoodman.jpeg
>Little did I know, the warm water was probably serving as a catalyst for the unholy brew inside my bowels
>Ended up really tired, attributed to the swimming, although was only in there for a short while
>Just kinda sat it out outside the pools, but still in the steamy waterworks area
>Oh God my stomach
>Took a shit, felt a little better, thought is was the end
>Later on I accompanied my little sister in the wizardry gimmick/quest thing
>Followed her around the spots she was supposed to go, had fun
>Goddamn stomach ache again
>Powering through it, my sister and I finally get to the "boss" stage
>It's in a dark room with a projector showing a dragon and its horde
>Its voice was low, like Smaug's
>Dear God that rumbling from the sounds really upset me
>Still stay there for my sister
>Suddenly, as the dragon breathed out fire, illuminating the entire room, I spewed my own fire
cont

>Dinner at Cheesecake Factory
>Hours later husband has horrible food poisoning
>Spend the next 3 days cleaning up his shit spills on the couch and in bed
>Lost so many good sheets

>saturday night
>I dont remeber what i ate, but before it happened i was eating sour cream and onion chips
>Fuck i am tired
>Go to bed at 8
>wake up at 11 and have to fart, end up shitting myself in bed
>walk to bathroom and literally vomit and poo at the same time
>hours pass by drenched in sweat i head downstairs
>see my mom and brother having the same experience
>they already claimed the couches so i sleep on the floor
>Next day i feel better they don so i go and eat easter dinner
>In math class on monday
>Buy a blt from the caf
>sit down to eat it in class
>shit myself again
>run to bathroom throw up
>sit down awkwardly back in class and smell like shit

This was grade 12 year and was on the football team

TL:DR i shit myself in math class senior year
Also i know it wasnt the chips but i can no longer eat sour cream and onion chips

>>5761291
>Oh dear lord the pain
>It was EVERYWHERE
>My fucking sister just laughed
>Staff came in with bright flashlights
>Fuckers were waving it around, the light causing me to vomit even more
>They shut down the entire attraction for the rest of the day, cleaning my stomach contents, poor fuckers
>Get escorted to our room, me trying to hold it in before we get there
>Puked my guts out as soon as I reached the toilet
>Lie in bed for the rest of our time there
>Dad and brothers got real sick also
>All of us, just trying to sleep it off and puking in the wee hours of the night
>My brother and I had to puke the same time, our heads butting for a spot over the toilet
>I think it was a great bonding moment
>Finally get to dad's house, but it was not over
>Black liquid spewed forth from mine anus the rest of the time I was with them
>...
>Fuckin buffet eggs, man

Moral: Don't ever, EVER eat eggs from Great Wolf Lodge.

>>5761109
Or just always be drinking.

>>5761315
Reminds me of when I accidentally took a double dose of tetracycline at Disney World. Bad times. Vomit everywhere.

>have one of those double burgers from Burger King for lunch
>later start feeling TERRIBLE
>worst shits I've ever had
>in an excruciating amount of pain all over my body
>hot, cold and nauseous
>head hurts like hell
>feel like I'm really going to die, so want to go to my bed, curl up and cry
>bedroom is upstairs
>so dizzy feel like I'm going to pass out
>almost fall over three times, so have to crawl on hands and knees up the steps

My god what the fuck did they do to me? This was like two years ago and I still haven't had fast food because of it. It was pretty interesting feeling like I was actually going to die though.

>>5759784
This.

I cook my foods properly and when I eat out, I send it back if there's bloody parts in pork and chicken.

I eat at hole in the wall Chinese food places too.

>Be 12 years old final week of grade school
>To celebrate my family and I go see a movie
>Get nachos from heated food display
>devour crisp stale nachos washing down with coca-cola
>movie is good head home to bed
>middle of the night wake up with strange fever dreams and cold sweats herecomesthesun.mp3
>run to the toilet and unleash an unholy texmex eruption from my throat
>fast foward a couple of hours still consistent waste spilling from both ends of me
>3 days to graduation go to school sitting with friends eating recess
>oranges
>once again i unleash a whirlpool of hot acidic textured fanta from my mouth
>go home
>keep vomiting till bile starts coming from my mouth
>hospital
>administer IV drip because im so dehydrated and get diagnosed with some medical bullshit called cyclical vomiting syndrome
>stay over night
>weird fever dream part 2
>climbed on top of my fucking hospital bed and proceeded to rip IV drip from my arm
>scream decibels unrecorded by mankind as i realize what i have done
>after huge midnight fuss with nurses doctors and orderlies i go back to sleep
>some how get released from hospital the next day
>stay home
>graduation day
>woozy as fuck i miss all the fun stuff with my friends and just go to the ceremony
>we have grade 1 'buddies' who we mentored throughout the year
> after ceremony we make gay line where we put our hands up like a pyramid and let the buddies walk through us
>oh god
>my stomach begins to rumble at the pace of 100000 stallions
>drop my hand and cover my mouth luckily i havent eaten anything today just drank water
>at the force of the aforementioned stallions a nice body temperature liter of water expels from my body going all over my shirt
>i turned and ran and luckily no one was a dick about it surprisingly
So how was your grade 7 graduation?

I got food poisoning two different times from Mcdonalds. Back a few years when they used to have the pre-made burgers sitting in that slide thing behind the counter at luke warm temperature. I come along and 1am and order burger as I'm eating it, stoned off my tits I realize it's a bit crusty but I finish it anyway.
Ended up sick for about two weeks, lost about 10kg, struggled to eat anything during that time.

>high school
>be theatre manager for stage crew
>post-first night of the winter musical
>someone brings in a Godiva chocolate cake
>roommate and I eat have a piece
>wake up in middle of night by vomiting on my own face like Jimi Hendrix in a tubgirl fashion
>puke 3 more times on my bed, carpet, and dresser
>pass out and sleep in my own vomit
>go to nurse the next day
>they put me on bedrest
>every time I risk a fart I shart my pants so bad it stains the infirmary sheets
>diarrhea like mount saint Helens while simultaneously puking on my penis in the bathroom
>lay down naked on infirmary bathroom floor for hours, drained of all fluids
>2 days later I finally feel well enough to slug down some Gatorade
>leave the infirmary without telling the nurses I accidentally sharted in the bed one last time
>never go to infirmary again while in high school
I don't even like cake that much, god fuck. Gimme ice cream over cake any day of the week.

>roommate didn't even get sick until the next year when he got twisticles in his sleep and I told him to just take the SAT and go to the infirmary later
>if he had listened to me he would've had to have a ball taken out
>lols

Just a short one

>eat brunch with mom and family on mothers day
>omelets, sausage, whole 9 yards
>get really bad stomach flu
>now cannot eat breakfast sausage or omelets

Same thing happened with Jamba Juice

>working 2 jobs just to pay rent, no money for food
>buy some chicken thighs and think i'll cook it up for the weekend
>get called in, working 14-16 hours a day fixing shitty fax machines and old dell's in the city
>chicken in the fridge is a week past its sell by date
>no other food to eat, i rinse off the slime, it sort of smells sickly sweet, i think its fine
>roast it in the oven for longer than you should just to be safe
>didn't work, not even 4 hours later im on the shitter
>fountain of ass juice blowing out of me
>literally sitting at the shitter with gatorade to fight off dehydration
>nothing works, volcano liquid shit and vomit from every hole
>so much time on the shitter i already wore down my phone battery and counted every tile in the bathroom
>im at the point where i need to consume more liquid just so i have something to shit and puke out
>2 days of this i counted 130 tiles in my bathroom, confirmed 15 times

>>5761537
>twisticles
I laughed, then I cried.

>>5761544
That's why it's good to keep magazines near the shitter, nothing helps more with diarrhea than having something to read. Reading the labels on bottles works well too.

>>5761054
Did you make that $250?

>>5760928
0/10

>>5761549
>magazines
>not a copy of Uncle Blazer's Fun Facts Just To Take a Poop To

>>5759926
no shit, would've been great if otherwise, tho
>>5759933
when i was growing up i was constantly sick. vomiting & diarrhea were common. they just thought the taco bell incident was another normal day, basically. but i didnt get better and missed nearly 3 weeks of school from the roto virus alone.
>>5759991
i was literally on the toilet crying, vomiting, and shitting myself to death. parents were too busy drinking/fighting about money.

>>5761699
Yeah your parents suck. Im sorry you went through that.

>>5759761

>ate some food that tasted ok
>spewed for 2 days

/shrug

>>5761706
but if it wasn't for their neglect, i wouldn't have any sickly shitty stories to tell.

our closest neighborhood bar & grill was applebee's. my little brother & I really enjoyed sitting at the high top tables that circle the bar area (the appebee's nexus). it was much later I learned that the high top tables are vital for parents getting their drinks faster. my meals mostly consisted of chicken tenders & fries. but applebee's had buffalo tenders. microwaved strips of slimy meat smothered in fiery sludge. the honey mustard dipping sauce for fries was probably the most healthy part of my meal.
as indigestion set in, as it normally did, my parents were handed another round and i was handed a roll of rolaids. i was told it was okay to mix them in my third refill of coke, which i did. and drank. i barely made it to the parking lot. foamy vomit super soaker. sadly i also contracted salmonella from the buffalo chicken tenders and was sick for days.

> Be sixteen, summer before senior year
> Eat Mcdonalds burger, and fries one night
>sitting on counter, talking on the phone
> ohmystomach.dump
> feels like it's ripping apart, worst feeling ever
> vomit straight bile all night
> feel better for a week, not eating meals, just water and crackers
> death stomach again, cold sweats, shaking
> end up in the hospital, dropped to 76lbs at sixteen, on brink of death
> anon, your galbladder is infected and causing liver problems, we're harvesting that shit
> get better, gain weight, get normal skin color back
>never ate Mcshits again
My physician, and surgeon had no idea why this happened at such a young age. I blame it on the fast food.

>>5763034
pretty sure you can't vomit bile, as bile enters the digestive tract in the small intestine right after the stomach ejects food into it.

>on road trip with big family to grandma's house
>we stop halfway through at some little burger joint
>everyone else got burgers, but I wasn't very hungry so I just ate some fries off of my siblings plates
>about 4 hours later, almost to my grandma's house, my youngest sister starts puking
>other siblings start puking one by one
>dad calls my mom (we took 2 cars) and tells her they had to pull off the road so my other siblings could puke
>all of my family except me is throwing up and stopping at rest stops every 10 minutes to cover the stalls in molten shit
>we finally get to my grandma's house covered in puke and shit
>she only has 2 bathrooms and there are 10 sick people
my grandma and I went skiing alone while everyone was sick, it was great

>eat day old oysters
>get shits, doesnt even hurt
>go on with life
Im a mutant guise.

>>5761109

This may be sound advice. The last time I had food poisoning was before I became an alcohol. Thanks /ck/

>>5759913
>taco bell
>fecal matter

I watched some documentary a couple nights ago about fast food chains and I noticed that when they went to Taco Bell, a lot of the sites they recorded had workers that weren't using gloves when preparing the food. I'm not sure if that's the case with all of their resturants, but I wouldn't risk it.

>>5763040
you have no clue. i vomit bile all the fucking time. and yes my teeth have eroded as a result.

>>5759761
There's this regional chain of cheap, usually drive-through Mexican food. The food quality is clearly not the best but the portions are huge and it tastes great for almost nothing.

This one time my whole family got food from one of their smaller, shiftier drive-throughs and everybody got super sick. My whole family and the friend we had visiting were vomiting everywhere and had diarrhea. My mother and sister had to be hospitalized it was so bad and I'm fairly sure I nearly died of dehydration.

I'm not sure if this was food poisoning but it was a pretty freak incident.
>new shift supervisor at a pharmacy in a real backwoods town
>it was a bit understaffed so one night I close the front by myself
>suddenly start getting a stomachache and the shakes/sweats
>ha I'm just nervous because it's my first time alone at the register
>try to relieve some pressure and realize I'm definitely about to shit my pants
>really fucking need to poop but the backroom is located next to the RX area and there's only one bathroom so the pharmacist would hear/smell everything

I somehow managed the willpower to hold myself together until closing and then drove to the nearest 24 hour Wal-Mart where I uncontrollably shit liquid for twenty minutes or so. Decided to drive to the gym, had to crap again and gave up trying to exercise because of the anal pain. Had diarrhea for the next two days and decided it must've been something I ate at a baby shower.

Fuck all of you, this thread is a curse. I went to make stuffed peppers with the sausage I bought today (the kind that comes in a wrapper, like jimmy dean style) and i unwrap it and what do I see? Fucking green mold spots all over it. The best part was I was prepping the filling for tomorrow, and I didn't notice that the shit was green and nasty before touching tonight's dinner and eating it with the same hands that touched the meat. FUCK. I can't even get a refund for it since I'm not keeping moldy food in my fucking fridge overnight.

>>5764167
Sure they're not green peppercorns or something?

I was out of town for 11 days last Christmas, and for some reason I didn't shit the entire time. Not once. The day I got back I got fucking food poisoning. I was vomiting and shitting at the same time for three days straight. I couldn't leave the house
and there was just so much of it. Worst experience of my life.

>>5764172
Not unless peppercorns are fuzzy and look like this picture, but with meat instead of bread.

>>5759761
Friend was grilling some chicken out on barbecue. The outsides were scorched but the inside was fucking raw. I knew she didn't buy organic, free range, pesticide/antibiotic free birds. Hoping that all the environmentalist/green weenies are right about tons of antibiotics being in chicken, I ate it hoping no illness would result.

Was fine, no sickness!

>>5760902
>ants
jesus fucking christ

>>5763218
>before I became an alcohol

>>5761444
damn sounds horrible. :(

>>5759782
>Still jokes with us that they gave him dolphin liver that night.

what an absolute legend

>>5759761
I once ate at a Chinese place in a food court. Five hours later, I shat out the mucous membrane of my intestines. Every shit I took would include some minor bleeding for about the next two weeks before I got some kind of infection. Then it was antibiotics for about a month. I still bleed a bit if I don't frequently salve my asshole. Chinese food literally ruined my anus.

>>5764380
>food court
This is your problem.

>>5764413
When I was arrestd by the food police, I had to go to food court.

>>5764167

Just put it in a bag with some ice if you want to kee it cold overnight