/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>Buy some pizza from a pricier place
>Cut a slice, take it to my room
>Set the pizza down to go grab a beer
>Come back
>My fatass ginger roomate is literally fucking laying on my pizza

>>5740805
>>>/an/

>buy some tuna
>mix up a bowl of salad
>eating is with crackers
>black roommate walks up and starts eating right out of the bowl

>>5740827
>black roommate

I think I found your problem

>>5740827
>walks up and starts eating right out of the bowl
like puts his face in the bowl ?

>Every time I open a can, my roomate thinks it's for him and starts yelling at me
>Gets upset and runs away if it's not fish

>>5740839
Yeah

>>5740850

Is this now a thread about cat eating our shit cause I have things...

>>5740836
>I think I found your problem
if following the trend of the first post, then he's talking about a black cat. you're just a racist.

>buy a bottle of sesame oil
>look for it a couple days later, it's almost gone.
what the fuck happened to it? how can you use /that/ much sesame oil?

>>5740959
I was deep frying my egg rolls anon

fuckkgen cat i leave my pizza for one second

bump

>Make my self a bagel and lox
>Black roomate starts throwing a fit, IDGAF
>set this shit on my desk
>leave the room to take a leak
>finishing washing my hands
>walk out of the bathroom
>nigger's on my desk
>plate is face down on the floor
>Have to clean off hairy salmon
Fuck him

>Decide to cook spaghetti bolognese with housemate
>He puts the ground beef in the microwave
>I ask "how long before it defrosts"
>He says "It's not frozen, it's just easier to cook it in the microwave

>live with 360+ lb hamplanet
>she claims to be anorexic
>catch her gorging herself on snacks and pizza
>whatever, i guess
>food starts disappearing, knows she's stealing
>planet leaves a bowl of ramen broth on her desk
>its my bowl and spoon
>it sits there for a week and grows mold in front of her face, she refuses to clean it
>mfw i have to dig my fingers into mold
>mfw she just sits there on facebook, munching
on more shit
>mfw when she moved out, she threw rotten food and broken glass on my bed and covered it with my blankets

>spend hours working on roast
>finally finishes
>put it on dinner table prepped to be sliced
>faggot roommate climbs on dinner table, knocks it over, and eats it
>only takes two bites

Sunday roast fucking ruined.

Sounds like all of you live with handicaps or you are autistic as fuck

Do you guys sometimes let your cat have a bite from your food? Mine occasionally slurps from my glass of milk, she also likes bread and pastries.

>>5741738
My cat always tries to eat chewed up food straight from my mouth.

Sometimes...I let him.

>>5741745
if we gonna discuss weird habits with our pets, I'm gonna share that my cat finds my armpit sweat delicious.

>>5741717
Is your roommate a dog?

>>5741738
If I'm eating a sammich, I let my cat help me eat it. My younger black cat loves peanut butter.

>>5741738
no my cat gets own little plate at the table

>>5741713
at least she's miserable

>>5741738
enjoy your feline herpes

>>5741738

If my cat looks interested, I break off a small piece of whatever I'm eating and hold it out in my hand for him. Sometimes he'll eat it, sometimes he'll just give it a pity lick before walking away. His favorites are deli meat, mayo, whipped cream, and tortilla chips.

>>5741799
my pussy doesn't have diseases unlike your mom's

>>5741974
heh

>>5741974
lmao r u a grill :PPPPPP XD

I love this thread

>>5742079

>>5740850

>>5740850
Calvin, say hi to Hobbes for me

>>5741769
For a real laugh, see what effect your earwax has on the poor beast.

>roommates are two fat sisters
>run through the house keeping me up all night
>puke all over their beds if they overeat
>so fat they they occasionally shit outside of their toilet on accident
>don't even pay rent
>think I am God for giving them occasional tuna water so it's ok

>>5742183
This thread is about bad roommate food stories, not delusional disgusting fantasies you develop when you still live with your parents

>>5741738
Mine likes a little lap of wine now and again. White only.

OP here

I really just wanted an excuse to post that cat

Anytime people tell stories about cats it's always
> lol it ruined everything and shits all over the place so adorable isn't it cute internet

I just don't understand. I've had cats and they didn't act like that. Cats, never again.

>getting a drink from the fridge
>brown fatass roommate sneaks in (I swear, you can't see that fucker until she's right beside you)
>leans on me and buries her face in my side
>"...what exactly do YOU want?"
>starts slapping me
>every fucking day
>unclenches her hands so she's hitting me with her fingernails, which she sharpens for like, two hours a day
>won't leave until I give her some ham

fucking roommates

>>5742268
So you want them to ruin everything and shit all over the place?

>bacon and eggs on Xmas day
>feed my Asian roommate (Siamese cat lel) table scraps
> starts vomiting from overfeeding him.

>>5742220
They're cats, you moron

>>5742287
do you like in a mental asylum or some sort of bonobo research facility.

>live with two negros
>every time I cook up fried chicken they crave it so bad they try to jump in the oil while the chicken is cooking
>won't eat the healthy shit I buy specifically for them, only junk
>at night when I try to sleep they run around the apartment screaming at each other
>if I try to close my bedroom door at night they literally beat the door down demanding to come in

I take solace in the fact that I rescued them from a cruel fate, though.

>>5742371
Oh, also forgot to add
>the dude always has to be in the bathroom while I am pissing. He has an obsession with water going down drains.

>this thread
lel

>Roommate 1 is a grossly obese white kid
>Roommate 2 is an older brown guy
>Old guy is a picky asshole, have to keep special food in the fridge for him even though he usually refuses it
>Obese kid is even fucking pickier, no idea how he manages to stay so fat when he turns his nose up at everything
>Kid has a weird obsession with yogurt though. He always asks if he can lick my container when I'm done. It wouldn't be as weird if he didn't make me hold it for him while he did it.
>One day I come home and see the old guy tucking into a bowl of something
>Know for a fact that Fatty DingDongs refuses to eat any sort of food like that
>Fatty keeps shoving the old guy out of the way anyway and pretending to eat his food just to be an asshole
>mfw now I have to lock Fatty in the bathroom while Gramps eats and he cries like a bitch the whole thime

>>5742410
>posting lies outside of /b/
I appreciate the fatty dingdongs reference but Jesus h fuck it would be more believable if you claimed to be the queen of England

ITT: half the people responding to stories not realizing the stories are about cats, not people.

>>5742416
see
>>5742413
>>5742359
>>5742220
>>5741729
>>5740836
>>5740839

>>5742416

they are stories about roommates messing with food anon

This happened literarly 3 minutes ago
>making chicken salad
>go to garage to recycle can
>come back to find black roommate eating my chicken

>>5742371
I hear you man, I also live with two negros.
>skinny ass bitch follows me around the house all day, asking me for things
>obese old man is always either trying to sleep in my bed, or eating everyone else's food. If I try to keep him from eating skinny bitches food, he yells at me. I also occasionally wake up to find him watching me while I sleep.
>skinny bitch has to micromanage everyone in the fucking house, CONSTANTLY.
They're lucky I put up with their black asses.

>>5741778
No, a dog would finish what it started.

You guys have it easy. I live in a republic with 10 roomates. Okay, it's big as hell (huge old mansion) but oh well.

>skinny, super tall blonde schizo dude
>zones out while staring at people, talks to himself in the middle of the hallway
>won't eat if there's anyone in the same room
>has an obsession with breadcrumbs, licks the counter if there are any

>fatass old hag
>thinks all the food in the house belongs to her
>slaps everyone, cusses like a sailor whenever someone gets close to her plate
>she's so obese from stealing food that she cannot wash herself properly, constantly smells of cheetos
>have to help her take showers every now and then

>skinny black girl
>came from a poor background, has hoarding issues
>refuses to let anyone throw away food cartons, cans and everything before eating every last drop/piece
>I've caught her picking stuff from the trashcan a couple times, even though there's plenty of food

>shy young guy
>rips open packages, eats small portions of everything

The others are pretty chill. We eat together most of the time, we're like a big family.
>then the old hag comes in running and slapping everyone

Is this a joke? Is it considered funny to make threads and responses like this on /ck/?

I am new this board and am genuinely curious. Most of you aren't serious, right?

>>5742500
>>>the joke
>your head

Though it actually is a thread with real stories, you're missing the point.

>>5742500
Hello new this board, I'm anon.

>>5742500

Hint: Look at the OP's image and then reconsider the stories being posted.

Not food related but when I come home from work every day my roommate likes to take a gigantic shit and stink up the entire house

>>5740801
>eating literally anything
>roommate sticks his nose in my fucking food
>cannot have one meal without this asshole trying to smell my food
rude little shit

>>5742265
>mfw OP fucked his own thread

>>5742561
>tfw roommate pisses when you're in the same room
jesus christ, nigger, just wait till i leave

>>5741769

my cat fucking meows at me and walks me to the bathroom and stares at the shower until i open the door. then he'll crawl in and start licking the inside of the door.

i'm worried about his nutrition.

>growing herbs
>come home one day
>it's knocked over and most of it missing
>roommate doesn't even acknowledge it or explain what happened

>get invited to group dinner with co-workers
>almost fall over something while walking out front door
>the neighborhood hobo stopped by for a nap and wants something to eat after waking up

And of course like other homeless he likes flashing everyone, too

>>5742691
I'm not sure how someone that cute could be homeless

>>5742287 here. I have another one

>other roommate has vitiligo
>skinny and super god damn pretty but would never fuck her (not my type)
>dat hip sway when she walks tho
>on the floor drawing maps next DnD campaign
>forgot to eat dinner
>fuck it, granola bar
>delicious crunchy peanut butter coated goodness
>laying on floor copying layout of random tavern for dumbass PCs to ruin, no doubt
>roommate walks up to me
>she can smell the peanuts in my granola bar, and she glares at me
>walks into the room and steps onto my map
>"hey, what are you doing"
>bends over and inhales deeply, eyeing my granola bar
>takes a big fucking bite
>wtf
>I've barely seen her eat before, much less out of my hand
>she starts licking it
>mfw her desparation for peanut butter overrides her usual prudish attitude
>I let her have the rest and she just keeps licking it, occasionally looking me in the eye
>eventually gets bored and leaves
>the granola bar is intact, but I don't really want to eat it now
>decide to make real dinner, fatass brown roommate comes in while I'm cooking and harasses me again

She's actually asleep next to me right now even though I'm not dtf. Guess she just doesn't care about personal space- feels good tho, she makes really cute sounds when she sleeps.

>>5741713
why would she leave shit in your bed like that?

>>5741738
i let em lick my bowls after i have ice cream or cerial

>>5741956
i do this with my cat to deter them from putting their face all up in my meal

> get home from work
> roommates (Two, a chill red haired dude and a sort of clingy female roommate)
> tired so I lay down in bed after taking off my shoes
> roommates come in
> sit on the bed/near me
> don't even ask how my day was or talk to me before asking me if I'm going to make dinner tonight
'

> wake up in the morning toe find my female roommate laying there staring into my eyes
> fall her a Creek and push her away
> male roommate sticks his head in and says 'Oh hey you're up, are you going to make breakfast soon?'
> TFW would rather wake up to him in my bed but he's been sleeping on the couch in the living room lately

> female roommate takes a shitload of time in the bathroom and always makes a fuckton of noise doing god knows what
>male roommate has this weird habit of bursting out of the bathroom and running around the house afterwards.

> every time I take a shit they suddenly want to know where I am and hang out

> can't close a fucking door in this place without them asking why I need to do it
> every time I go for a snack my malenroomate asks what I'm making and wants some too
> he just had been on a diet for like a year and the only reason he's at a good weight now is because I just refused to make the shit food he wanted and he was too lazy to make it for himself

Also the two of them like me but they fight a lot and usually over stupid shit like who gets to sit next to me on the couch or if one thinks I've been paying more attention to the other.

>mfw people remember bad things that once temporarily inconvenienced them
>mfw it bothers them so much they go online and tell the story
>mfw human beings are scientifically engineered to enjoy suffering, so much so that they will revisit depressing events in their life multiple times
>mfw I'm just like what da fuk evvs bro
>mfw my cousin derrick and I laugh over a beer, as we talk about giving dad or uncle steve blow jobs when we were in boy scouts

>have an insanely overweight roommate
>making pancakes one morning, go to sit at the bar and eat them
>room mate walks over, dragging herself across the bar
>puts his face into my food, bites a pancake and knocks it onto the floor
>runs off to eat it in MY room

Hambeasts, whatcha gonna do?

>>5742744
>not giving her the Q

>>5742744
you should have whipped out the peepee

>>5742999
>implicadoing that deez stories aren't all fakeq

This thread confuses me.

>Move into apartment with new roommates
>Rule that we wont eat each other's food
>I buy cheese sticks
>I notice a day later its been opened and a stick is missing
>Assume maybe I ate one and forgot.
>More keep dissappearing
>I ask my roommates if they ate them
>They say no
>Figure maybe Im imagining
>With only 3 sticks left (I did eat some myself) I keep an eye on them
>Indeed, one did disappear
>I ask my roommates again, they say no again, one of them gets pissy about it

So either one of them is lying, or one of their friends is raiding our fridge. Either way is annoying

>>5743071
use mild violence and loud voice to get to the bottom of this.

>>5743071
you knew that they were taking them and you only asked, it's your fault

you should've pissed on your cheese sticks

>>5743084
>>5743093
Im 95% sure that its their friends who were taking them, though honestly I dont know.

I don't wanna make too much of a fuss about it since ive only been here like 2 weeks. I don't wanna become the guy who gets pissy over cheesesticks.

If they start eating my other stuff Ill put my foot down but for now Id rather not start any shit.

>>5743097
>people are taking your things that you don't want taken
it's not starting shit, it's solving a problem

you don't have to go punch them in the dicks about it, but tell them someone's been taking your food and if it doesn't stop, THEN they'll get punched in the dicks

>>5743100
P.S. seriously solve your problems, why would you do that?

i'm outta here, this place is squaresville.

>>5743100
Well no point starting anything now.
Next time it happens I will though.

>>5743097
you can still use violence. get grabby and slappy with roomie to give up which friend most likely did it.

It takes a lot to rustle my jimmies, but what I don't understand about my possessive roommate is why he'll go and eat everything that isn't his that he can get his hands on when it makes his stomach so upset that he gets explosive diarrhea.

And then he has the gall to not clean it up. If he would keep it all in the toilet it wouldn't be such a burden, but no, of course not.

I'm thinking about saying something, but he tends to yell when he gets upset and my quiet roommate won't back me on it...

>>5743113
Just tell him hes a shit head

>walking by cabinet where treats are
>roommate meows

ROOMMATES AMIRITE

>make a turkey sandwich
>mulatto roommate wants a bite
>i tell him to fuck of and eat dicks
>i set the sandwich down to move 2 feet for a glass of water
>fucker dives right in and eats some turkey
>I put the asshole in a bag and spun him around over my head like a helicopter
>he threw up in the bag
Faggot got what he deserved

>>5743113
Omfg seriously use violence especially with violent people that is all they understand.

You don't need to be a skilled marital artist or even bigger and stronger. The key to successful violence is striking first and striking hard.

Walk up and confront them calmly and when they start yelling, smile at them and give them a nice jab to the throat/solarplex. If you are worried about doing serious harm, knock/push/throw them down and grip their neck tightly but not tight enough to crush throat. When you are gripping throat tightly, explain to them the error of their ways.


Again, the key is to strike first, strike fast and strike hard. Do not give them a chance to react. Be cunning and deceitful if you need to get close. Smile, act friendly, pretend to be sorry and calm them down. Half of it is in the approach.

>>5742744
>not getting her to casually suck you off on the reg

what

>>5743128
Why would you even own a pet if that's your response to them misbehaving?

>>5743140
Normally I would call a person like this out, but you seem to know what you are talking about. Do you mug people or something? Have you been to prison? Have you ever raped someone to display your dominance?

This threads about you pets eating your food you retards, get on topic or leave.

My roomie never wants my food, ate a cheeto I gave her but wont eat hardly anything normal, but if she sees me eating she'll bitch for me to give her some wet food.

On topic I was eating on the patio of Taco Cabana one night after work and saw this scared hobo, thing ended up eating half a large chicken quesadilla in all. Wouldn't allow me to get close though.

>have fat roommate
>buy some snacks, leave them on the table and sealed in their little bag
>come back after a few minutes
>bag torn to shreds
>roommate sitting on the fucking table and eating my fucking snacks
>gives me the smuggest look on earth
fuck that bitch

Meet "Pearl".if anyone goes into the kitchen at any given time she is there, waiting, anticipating, food to fall from the sky.

*heavy breathing*

>>5743210
Thats one fat, spoiled kitty.
Makes me wanna bury my face into all that fluff, though she looks like the type that'd claw the fuck outta me if I tried it

>sleeping
>roommate starts getting cozy with me
>what the fuck roommate
>starts cuddling me while I'm trying to sleep
>gotta use the bathroom but can't move because of roommate cuddling me
>he gets up about 10 minutes later leaving his hair everywhere
>I get up to use the bathroom
>roommate has puked in 3 different spots
>is trying to open up a bag of snacks but can't
>open up bag of snacks for him

Damn roommates.

>roommate is gone for days at a time
>when he comes back he yells until I put a glass of milk in front of him
>then we cuddle :3

>>5740801
please go back to /an/ you female/faggot faggots

>new roomate
>cute as fuck, brunette, beautiful eyes, a little on the heavy side, always smiling
>come home from work
>garbage all over the fucking place
>empty chip bags
>shes in my room, laying in my laundry
>what the fuck she's been rolling in it
>she looks up at me, stops as she'd been chewing on my underwear
>what the fuck

>>5743219
She would, she's mean. She only meows when she knows someone's in the kitchen and that the only exercise - getting up and laying down. We've tried diets, she's immune apparently. Her sister is just as fat

>>5743257
Try playing with her. Toys are very important. Those ones where you swing a thing on the end of a string are the best. Or maybe a laser pointer. Those are fine too.

>>5743261
She doesn't care for them, we've tried that too. She also just likes to smash her sister in the face and takes snacks from right in front of her if she doesn't eat them fast enough. She's a menace to the communal housing unit here among species that dwell in the unit

>>5743257
>both cats are fat
>you give them snacks and treats all the time
>they're just immune to diets lol

Hey look, I found a pic of you and your roomate.

My cat died :(

Itt:

>My cat ate food
Or
>My cat tried to eat food

This is why cat people are the worst kind of people. Even parents know deep down that nobody else is interested in their boring kids

>>5743437
these are mostly C.U.N.T's

>>5743437
This is a food board, what the fuck were you expecting?

"Hey guys, I almost went skiing, but instead I decided to shitpost on /ck/"?

>Live with middle aged white guy who always wear a tux.
>He's always yelling at me.
>Wants to know what kind of food I'm eating, goes so far as to sit on my lap til I offer him my plate.
>He likes to sit on the sink and watch me cook, but wont get any closer.
>Demands shit like tuna water, milk, and anything not his own food.
>He is right up in my shit every time I open the fridge, and feels a need to comment on everything in there.
>He enjoys having me whip him with feathers.

>>5743447
we should form a cult that "removes" people who try to insist on refined white sugar being a good alternative to corn syrup

Mods, this is ALL >>>/an/ shit. Please 404 this shitty thread.

>>5743722

>guy fieri shitposting
>can't get muh pies because of canadians
>I am going to college how do I cook ramen??????
>thread about pets eating your food
>which fast food is the best

seems to fit in with usual /ck/

>staying at another place to take care of everything while the actual owners are on vacation
>two roommates
>unable to feed themselves even though they are hunting regularly
>white old guy from Spain constantly mocks the younger grey haired (coloured?) girl and steals her food
>separate them when I feed them and leave
>come back two minutes later witnessing the cracker opening the door to the younger one, beating her and stealing her food even though he already gets double her portion
>throw him outside

>>5743452
You also have a roommate that wears a tuxedo all the time? I thought I was the only one! Why is this a thing?

>Dicing up ham for a pizza
>Put an upside down bowl on top of ham slices, so that my roommate can't see it if he comes in the kitchen
>Leave kitchen for a few minutes to do something
>Come back
>Roommate is on the counter eating my ham!

He also tries to steal my other roommate's food, so she has to eat in a separate room. She's a small middle-aged woman with gray hair.

Pic related. That's him watching tv on the couch.

>>5741713
>mfw i have to dig my fingers into mold


...or just use a spoon?

>>5742137
I have caught my cat licking the earwax off my hearing aids after I take them out for the night multiple times. I have to put them out of reach for fear that she might try to eat them.

I know these are all cat stories but I need to vent. Roommate 1 only uses disposable paper plates and cups, and only eats potato rolls, pre packaged deli meats, and grilled cheese sandwiches from his sandwich maker. He's never touched the oven. He recoils at the sight of peanut oil in natural peanut butter and can't comprehend how it could ever be good. He also drinks shitton of apple juice and milk, and has milk breath all day. I can't imagine what his shits are like.

Roommate 2 is no better. He's 300lb and all I ever see him eat are frozen personal pizzas and TV dinners. He eats out every other meal.

I really don't understand how anyone can be so retarded, it's unfortunate because I've seen their parents and roommate 1 must have grown up with it but roommate 2's parents know how to cook, he's just a dirtbag.

>>5743452
>He is right up in my shit every time I open the fridge

Every time!

>>5740801
GAAARFIEEEEELD

>>5743722
Because /ck/ doesn't own pets, right? At least we're mentioning food. Amirite?

>Deal with it
or
>GTFO

>>5743850
I always just assumed he was crazy, or wanted to fancy up the place a bit.

>>5741713
What the fuck, how do these people exist

>watching movie munching chips
>fall asleep with chips bag on couch
>wake up to rustling sound
>see a hairy tail sticking out of bag
>fuck you cat

>have 3 ginger siblings for roommates.
>girl is completely chill with rare exceptions
>the 2 brothers bicker constantly
>only time the brothers work together is to get sour cream & onion chips
>i have tried everything to keep them out of the chips
>they always figure out which cabinet its in and take them
>i caught one of the ginger bastards opening the fridge and taking my leftover dinner

>>5743909
Another story:
>Make eggs for breakfast
>Put plate on table, remember thing I have to do and step out of kitchen.
>Hear smashing sound.
>Little shit sprints out of kitchen like she's on fire.
>Plate is shattered, egg everywhere.
>Clean up, throw eggs away, feed cat and leave for work.
>Come home 10 hours later.
>Most pitiful yowling you ever heard.
>Cat's trapped in garbage can
>Eggs are gone
Also she insists on sleeping on my chest with a paw stuffed in my mouth and will keep trying til I give in.

>>5743910
At least they don't make a huge mess of your place, I assume.

I don't give a shit what anyone else eats, I can have a roommate that eats literal shit all day as long as they eat it in their own room and don't get any on my stuff.

>>5743045

How did you not realize after the first few posts that the stories are about cats?

My cat learned to lift heavy lids off of pots.
He then went in with his paw and licked it clean. If it's a stew he'd fish for the meat.

I get that this thread is about cats, but time for a real story

>be me 6 years ago, 21 years old
>roommate was a 19 year old half-black kid
>He goes to school, no job, constantly late on rent
>stays up playing CoD all night
>blasts the AC all day
>mfw electric bill is in my name and he's broke
>get him a 30 day pay or quit
>He packs all that month, no incedents
>go to a party the day after he moves out
>come home to my house a disaster
>300+ dollars of groceries flung over the walls
>hear a loud noise come from my bedroom
>grab my Louisville Slugger from my living room closet
>bust in to bedroom and swing
>feel the bat connect and hear a crunch followed by a yell and a thud
>it's my former roommate on the ground
>bleeding all over the carpet with a broken jaw
>nigger used a remade key to come back and swipe my shit
>cops arrest his oreo ass

>>5742079

>>5741738
My cat likes jello. I'll usually give him a spoon's worth or two every time I have some.

>friends are having a mexican themed party
>decide to make up a mexican rendition of fettuccine alfredo with ground beef, bleu cheese, mexican cheese, and freshly grated parmesan as well as crushed corn tortillas on the top
>go to party the next day
>friends are all there
>surprisingly none of the mexican friends the host has are there
>i show everyone my dish and tell how it's going to be one of the best things they've ever had
>they ask me why i brought macaroni to the party
>macaroni
>they will never know how hard i cringed when they said that
>they look at me like i had just fucked the host's mom
>i lay my plate down sweating bullets because they won't stop staring
>no plates on the table
>decide to run over to the guy's kitchen trying to look for his plates
>found some glass looking plates
>they're pulling noodles out of the bowl, each trying them
>WHAT THE FUCK
>they stop and start staring at me
>playfully hit the back of the host's head
>he says what the fuck and asks why i did that
>but guy it's a joke
>plate the fettuccine
>give a plate to everyone
>the host asks me why i took his decorative plates to eat off of
>i can barely breathe because they won't stop staring at me
>a guy tells me it's pretty good macaroni
>i tell them i need to go to the bathroom
>run for it and climb out the bathroom window

why do such plebs exist

>Roommate eats peanut butter sandwiches and potato chips every meal
>One day "hey, I'm going to cook something tonight"
>Not cook FOR us, he just decides to tell us because cooking for yourself is a big fucking deal I guess
>Steak and Potatoes
>Uses my roomies cast-iron pan.
>Uses a full half of my bottle of olive oil
>Essentially deep fries the steak and potatoes in the same pan at the same time
>Entire house full of smoke, he's sitting at the kitchen table playing candy crush while his shit boils in oil
>Puts his plate in the sink when he's done, literally everything else used to prepare the meal left out
>Also puts roomies cast iron pan in the sink; fills the entire sink with water to soak.
>leaves it there for four days until roomie comes back to find.

Does it about twice a year

>>5744016

>>5744039
Your roommate can teleport?

>>5744039
Always staring. Always judging.

>>5744039
>>5744016
pls
pls clean your room

>>5743865
or not be a pussy and don't let your shit grow mold in the firstplace.
also
>tfw my roommate smacks food out of my hand and steals it

>share 2 br w a grill for 6 months
>i'm a guy btw
>first week in decide to do a roast beef stew in the slow cooker
>get it all prepped and ready the night before and put it in the fridge
>wake up next morning, pull it out, set the slow cooker to low and go to class.
>come home that evening, slow cooker is turned off, soup is room temp and raw
>roommate comes in much later, she was a bartender
>fucking explode on her
>she thought I left it on by accident and didn't want a fire to start when nobody was there
>was kind of a slut and I got my first blowie from her that night and ate ramen

I wanted to kill her I swear. we never dated, just friends/roommates who occasionally did each other sexual favors. it was strange but never got too weird because we didn't get that emotionally attached to each other.

>>5743992
>>5744036
>>5744140
Nobody cares, fucking read the thread before posting you retards it's about pets eating food.

>>5744034
You are the retardedest of the retards, yours isn't about pets or roommate.

/ck/ confirmed for most unintelligent board

>>5744260
>retardedest
lol, when did they start letting 6 year olds on the internet?

>>5742759

I don't know, I just assumed she was being a cunt like always

>>5744280
>getting mad that people have to make up words to describe your posting habits

>>5740801
>Sitting at table eating dinner
>Roommate jumps up to sit on the bench next to me
>Starts grumbling and rubbing against me
>Slowly inches hand onto table
>Slowly starts moving closer to plate
>Rip off a piece of meat and put it on the bench next to me
>Roommate sniffs it, licks it once, and then hops onto the floor

>>5744332
o gosh, I almost thought the cat will be inside the cooker

Now I am reminded that some crazy people have put live cats in microwaves, ovens and washing machines. :(

>>5740805
tell garfield to fuck off

>>5744034
I really hope this is a joke.

>'Mexican fettuccine alfredo: bleu cheese and 'mexican'? cheese, and parmesan
>Hit host
>Take plates from home without asking
>Prudence out the bathroom window

the fuck?

>>5742519
oh I am laffin

>Growing up, my family and I shared our house with a big, very chill older dude with long grey hair and this young brown-haired grill from Maine
>Grill was scrawny and completely crazy, used to run around the apartment screaming for no reason and hide in the bathroom whenever we had guests
>Older dude begs food off my plate all the time after eating his own meal and most of crazy grill's
>Crazy grill will only eat one thing for about three weeks, then mysteriously begin to hate it
>One Thanksgiving, put the turkey on the table and left momentarily to go bring out more food
>Come back, older dude is looming over the turkey, about to steal it...like WTF, man, I was going to give you some anyway

>roommate opens can of beans with one of my nice filet knives from my new knife set

>>5744367
Shit, that just happened to my uncle's neighbour. They put their cat in the dryer.

>>5744411
How does your roomie has opposable thumbs to do such a thing?!

>>5740801
>be autistic me at the dorm
>too afraid to go to the uni caffeteria alone
>eat a bag of peanuts

>>5740801
more cats and food

>>5744420
intentionally? poor baby <3

>>5744393
muh nigga, I my roomie is also a coon from Maine

I used to have a roommate in college that had a tattoo of jesus's face that covered half his back and wore a large chain with a crucifix on it.

He had about 30 supplement bottles on his bookshelf and had this george foreman grill that he would use to cook ground beef and chicken on and basically fumigate the 10x20 or whatever the fuck it was room we were in.

God that was horrible.

>>5741512

>>5740801

What's with all the claims of people climbing on tables in this thread? Is this a thing? Not a /ck/ regular btw.

>>5742066
You forgot your image.

>>5745210
It's a thread about pets getting into your food, but most of /ck/ can not into context clues or don't actually read the threads. It really isn't that hard.

>>5745237
>>5745196
>>5741512
Oh. I get the joke now.

>>5745217
:3

>>5743944
It became criminal to beat the dumb outta kids.

my asshole room mate expects me to buy him food all the time. Bad enough but he is picky as fuck. If I don't have his favorite food on hand he gets loud as hell until I go out and buy some for his miserable ass. He's been behind on his rent payments too and has been leaving hair all over my shit.

>>5745289
whats his rent payments, cuddles?

>hungry brokeass manlet roommate never buys his own food
> learned he can tip over the kitchen trashcan and eat all the goodies he wants instead of waiting for me to fix him a plate
> he won't even clean the floor after, just sits there licking his lips
>he's lucky he's so cute or he would have been evicted ages ago

>has been leaving hair all over my shit
Then learn to flush, faggot

>Have a new Asian roommate, he's young, doesn't really know how to act around people. Nice guy, but kinda autistic.
>Hanging out with other roommate, watching a movie, shooting the shit, we decide to order Chinese food.
>Asian kid sprawling on the bed, hanging out, we decide to get drinks, he says he's not thirsty
>We go out to the kitchen and make some drinks (Tom Collins Yo.) and come back.
>That fucker dragged a plate of Chinese food across my floor, and is trying to get it open in the corner.
>Tfw can't get angry with him, because it's too fucking adorable.

Thus is life living with a dickass Siamese.

I like to cook a massive meal for the week and then just reheat it as I need it. For example, shepherd's pie works well. Only problem is, my drunk roommates will decide to forage in the fridge and take a plateful of my glorious meal. So a 5 day meal ends up lasting me 3 days.

>mfw I just caught my negro roommate spread eagle on my bed, fucking around with his crotch.
>Just looks at me like "wat"
>mfw when he's an old man and kinda senile, so I just sigh and leave the room.
>mfw when I know I'm going to have to wash the brown starfish off my linens before bed.

>ITT the gayest people on 4chins

Seriously this is faggier than /lgbt/ and almost as gay as /mlp/

>>5745471
Hello, my name is Iniego Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p9ggtKg05AY

/tv/ here

How do we get rid of Whedon

>>5745471
But still nowhere near as gay as you, anon.

>>5741738
My cat goes fucking apeshit when I make roasted chicken so I always cut some small pieces for her to eat.

>make a chicken sandwich from some leftover roast
>some pieces out
>white roommate comes to sit by me
>she's healthy, but pretty lazy
>decide to offer her a piece of chicken with my hand
>she fucking wolverines the chicken with her hand, puts the chicken to her mouth and eats it
>still begs for more

Yeah naw, you can get it yourself. It's time like this, I'm glad she got AIDS.

>roommate is super chill
>his only problem is that he can't eat out of a bowl
>it must be some kind of compulsion
>he has to knock the food out of the bowl, onto the floor, before he can eat it

I don't know what his problem is.

> My only roommate is a giant-ass second-generation russian immigrant.
> He has some incomprehensible urge to sleep in my bed, even though he snores like a bear and bites you if you so much as slightly shove him.
> Do_not_want.jpg
> In bed one night.
> Suddenly hear him whispering my voice in his thick accent.
> He gets out of my dresser. (I seriously have no idea how he got in there.)
> Starts scratching and biting at the giant-ass beanbag I keep in the corner.
> Seriously, WTF man.
> Shoo his ass out of my room.
> Acts completely innocent the next morning, and denies that he ever did anything last night.
> This happens all the time.

>>5745718
give it a plate you asshole

>>5745763
Your roommate doesn't happen to be a talking russian cat does he?

>>5745763
> Same russkie is fucking obsessed with running water.
> He flat-out refuses to drink from a bowl like a normal person.
> Every time he's thirsty, I have to stop whatever I'm doing and turn on the tap every time he wants a drink.
> Still somehow manages to drench his entire head every single time.
> Buthow.avi
> Water bill is noticeably higher at the end of the month.
> Eventually I concede and buy him a water fountain meant for large dogs.

>living with a big headed skinny bitch and an old colored lady
>Skinny bitch is apparently a hunter, but leaves dead things around when she gets back from trips. gross as fuck
>Old lady only comes around when I have chips and stuff and demands I share or she throws a fit

I need to move out

>>5745781
Yeah... He has a super fucking thick russian accent (he was raised in the US, I don't know where he got it from). Even so, he either whispers just the edge of audibility or yells at the top of his fucking lungs, usually because he either wants to go outside to hunt local birds (with his own goddamned teeth, mind you,) or because he wants the water turned on.

>>5745793
>from a bowl like a normal person

you're one of those pet owners ay

>>5743452
> he enjoys having me whip him with feathers

Laughed for at least 40seconds.

>>5744039

>laying on couch
>eating a burrito
>roomate licks it and tries to take bite
>fuck it I'll just make another one
>push roomate off me
>go to kitchen
>roomate walks over demanding that I feed him
>starts rubbing up against my legs
>my cat walks in the room and also starts bothering me for food

>>5747179
My sides!

>>5743959
she wants the D

>cooked delicious chicken and cheese white people enchiladas for gf. roommate isn't home.
>first time ever trying to make it myself after eating it from mom my entire life
>comes out absolutely perfect
>best leftover food ever. looking forward to eating it the next day
>come home from work
>pan in the sink, empty
>*screaming internally*
>hey babe did you eat the last of the enchiladas?
>No I think Dom ate them
>Hey bro, did you like the grub
>"eh it was alright"

WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU EAT HALF A PAN OF ENCHILADAS IF YOU THOUGHT THEY WERE JUST ALRIGHT YOU MOTHERFUCKER

>>5742802
>> TFW would rather wake up to him in my bed
Are you gay, son?

>>5748168
woooooossh

>>5743910
>but roommate 2's parents know how to cook, he's just a dirtbag.
You're retarded, it's most likely that his parents just never taught him how to cook. If they did try, they probably just gave up instead of disciplining and raising him properly like good parents would.

>>5748120
>"eh it was alright"
wad uh skum bag, lol
he mighta just been to lazy to make something, >poison him with laxatives

>>5743944
I had a roommate - generally really good looking chick but she was also an utter slob. When it came to cleaning up. - Looking top class herself - sure every time. Cleaning up after herself? Not too often.

She's the only person who I know was able to grow mold on a coffee.

>>5748563
>You're retarded
no you.
blame lies on both sides

>>5741738
You know she also licks her asshole clean, right?

I've told this one before, but people liked it.

I'd spent a whole Sunday making chili, not in a pressure cooker, so I've been keeping an eye on it all day, tasting, adjusting flavors etc. Some work has gone into it.

After 7ish hours of slowly cooking, it's about ready. I turn it up to make it piping hot to eat. I chopped my raw onion, got my cheese ready to go, I'm a little drunk and basically stoked as all shit.

Fat fuck roommate who has been hiding all day suddenly bursts from inside the low cabinet by my feet and machine-gun claws at my bare legs.

I panic, not expecting this, and instinctively move my hand downwards to grab my clawed leg. The handle of the pot is between my hand and my leg, so I sent the pot sky high, slow motion comedy style before scalding chili lands on my stomach, crotch, legs, feet, not to mention the entire kitchen.

The racket noise startles my roommate from his battle station, he runs into the living room, shits on the floor and scampers into my bedroom.

Then I ordered a pizza.

So guys, I'm pretty sure this thread is actually some kind of communication link into a bizzaro dimension. How does it feel knowing that these people would be committed in our superior dimension?

>>5748812
>suddenly bursts from inside the low cabinet by my feet and machine-gun claws at my bare legs
And this, students, is why we de-claw cats.

Jesus Christ, my one roommate was such a fucking faggot about food:
>only eats breakfast cereal and frozen vegetables
>buys drumsticks and thighs in bulk
>proceeds to fucking boil them, not even poach them
>full-blown giant-fucking-pot-of-water boil them
>throws in frozen vegetables
Twenty minutes later, the garbage can is full of undercooked chicken

And, of course:
>talking to another friend about getting pinto beans to make refried beans for chips or something
>roommate steps out of his room and butts in
>"anon, refried beans are kidney beans"
>they're pinto beans, dipshit
>non-roommate friend reaffirms
>"no, pretty sure they're kidney beans"
>goes back into his room to play Heros of NewSperg

He couldn't heat a frozen pizza if his balls were on the line

>>5749603
No you cunt you shouldn't mutilate an animal because you're a retard. Don't get a cat if you can't handle one

>Indian roommate
>everytime he cooks the kitchen might as well be raided by the Police with peperspray
Thank god he never cooked at the same time as the rest of us.

>French roommate
>he was the worst cook I saw in my live
I sure didn't expect that.

It's cool to give your cat raw chicken right? He eats birds and mice all the time

>>5744367
>>5744420
>intentionally harming a pet, ever
>mfw

are we still doing this?
>goose pate and brie with crackers for dinner
>wake up at 3 fucking am to see my roomie licking the shit out of my plate
>then that fucking fag has the gall to try and get into bed with me

>roommate is a gril
>can't cook for shit
>always asking me to make her shit
>every night fucking crawls into bed with me and bitches for room
>she's tiny as fuck yet manages to take up half the bed
>on more than one occasion I've woken up to having my balls licked


the twist is she's a person

>>5743992
man
it's almost as if
something is always something

>>5749700
i kek'd a bit

>this thread
>that one fucking guy who doesn't get it

>>5740959
using it as fap oil

>>5749700
More info on the ball licking?

Bumping for more stories

>>5749639
Yeah, it's fine. Their digestive tracts are too short for them to catch any diseases. It's actually recommended that you give them raw chicken necks to clean their teeth.

My roommate boils chicken.

That's it. That's his entire meal preparation. No salt, no pepper, no seasonings of any kind, no side dishes, nothing. He just sticks chicken in boiling water then he wanders off. After some time has passed he screams, "OHHH SHIT!" and runs to the stove expecting everything to be on fire. He can't even set the timer. I'm worried he'll completely forget he was cooking one day and burn our apartment down.

That's all he can make. He doesn't even like the way it tastes. He's fucking proud of himself too. I don't understand....

>>5751383
I had a mexican roomate who did exactly that. He would eat some chicken in the morning, some at dinner time and would eat a chicken soup in th evening. I didn't really mind. He actually could survive on that 20$ a week food budget. The only thing that bothered me is that he would never put the chicken/pan in the fridge he would just reheat the whole stuff.

>>5751383

My boyfriend asked me to pick out some steaks for him since he doesn't know what to look for (cuts, marbling, etc) despite working as a grocery store butcher in high school.

I picked out a couple nice ribeyes, since they're a nice tender cut and he isn't the best at cooking steak. (Plus they looked especially good that week + were on for a pretty decent price) He wanted to cook them on his own so I left him alone.

Anyways, he cooked them by puting water and BBQ sauce in a pan and steaming them until they were well done. According to him, they were the best steaks he's ever made and he'd definitely do them that way again.

RIP steaks

>>5751521
I'm so sorry.

>SO puts cinnamon in/on everything
>even in homemade Marinara.
>mfw when I see SO do it, but never say anything.
>mfw I'm starting to get used to cinnamon chicken.
>at least i don't have to cook

I have 2 roommates and the SO.
>One roommate is fat and she always wears this huge stripped brown and black fur coat.
>Have a thinner younger female that always hangs around and always yells "Me Now!"
>Tiny cat always jumpin' up on counters
>Fatty never gets on top of the counters, but instead will cry at you for food and move in between your legs to trip you up
>Fatty constantly guns it for the fridge and tries to hang out in there with the food
Then one day...
>making turkey legs in the oven
>prepping legs on the stove top on a cooking sheet
>not worried about Fatty in the kitchen since shes the "good one"
>Tiny one is no where to be seen (probably was sleepin)
>turn around to get stuff out of cabinet
>hear something clank and turn around
>Fatty is dragging one of the legs off the stove top
Fuck cat, really? No patience.

>>5752662
>even in homemade Marinara.
This is weird as fuck, one of my Greek friends does that shit

>>5751521

if you knew he was a shitty cook why didn't you cook them?

It's pretend pets are roommates, not actual roommates. Idiots.

>>5740878
>>5740900
>>5741046
>>5741512

People don't train their cats to not eat off their plates? Fucking idiots.

> two roommates, shitty little waifish redhead girl, and chill but shy black guy.
> always have to trim their nails for them, they get shitty about it, but always calm down when I give them snacks afterwards
> one time go out for crawfish, neither roommates wanted to come with
> come back from crawfish dinner, and chill on the couch with my arms across my chest.
> both roomies come down staring at me
> both cuddle against me, pushing my arms away from my chest and straddles them
> both have straddled my arms and are licking my hands
what the fuck. I thought I washed my hands pretty throughly.

>tfw no hairy roommate

I have a bunch of stories I can share, been living in a student residence for quite a while.

>Autumn break
>Quite new in the residence, managed to socialize but not with everybody
>Collective kitchen
>Everybody but you and some chinese students went back home for the break
>Try to socialize a bit with them
>They're individualists and introverted but actuallyquite chill when you get to know them
>They propose me to eat with them during the evening
>OK
>After quite a while they proceed to begin to cook
>They prepare the meat, vegetables and everything
>It's_gonna_be_gud.jpg
>Then comes the time of the frying
>One of them gets some creepy-looking oil from their locker
>After they've had deep-fried the chicken, they threw all the oil in the sink like if it was a normal thing
>OK
>The sink gets clogged
>They don't give half a fuck
>They add some sorts of spices and sauces I've never heard about before
>It's ready
>I take a bite

IT WAS THE SPICIEST SHIT I EVER ATE IN MY LIFE HOLY FUCK IT WAS SO HOT I THOUGHT MY TONGUE WOULD MELT

>Don't say anything, and try to eat some more
>Begin to sweat and my face turns red
>They asked me if I had a problem while they're eating like if it was nothing
>"Wow that's one spicy meal"
>They explain me they're from the region in which the food is the spiciest in china
>Cannot take it anymore, apologize, and eat only the rice
>At least they were comprehensive

1/2

>>5752934
>Finish the meal
>Decide to help them washing everything up
>Realize that they were using the pan that I "lost"
>Do not comment
>Realize that the sink was still clogged, there was oil everywhere and we couldn't wash up
>They bring some caustic soda
>They throw everything in the sink hole, thinking it will unblock
>By the way nothing happens
>One of them decides to get under the sink and check the canalisations
>OK
>He removes some conduit and all the shit (some rice, the soda, and the oil) they threw into the sink gets off the conduits and gets on the ground
>The guy gets up and opens the tap
>DONT DO THIS
>Water everywhere
>He closes the tap and states that everything's fine now, and he puts the conduit back to where it was
>Trash everywhere on the ground
>He doesn't care and begins to wash up
>Everybody follows, even I who kept quiet during the whole thing
>In the end, nobody washed up the ground
>After that I salute them and get back to my room
>mfw

And those guys were the priviligied ones who were able to afford to study in a foreign country
Kill me plz

>>5752934
>>5752976
Fucking retard.

>>5752982
No bully please.

>have dishes
>use dishes for my shit
>other people use my dishes
>get pissed because i cant nuke a hot pocket but one room mate tosses that shit in the dish washer so its all good
>dont use soap because idgaf if my saliva and shit is on my plates, ill just wash it dry it and store it
>plates always covered by grimy shit what ever the fuck my room mates cook so i cant clean it
>at one point shit piles up
>come back from work two weekends ago
>all the plates are gone
>one of the room mates threw them away
>even mine

she says she didnt but i damn well theres no other fucking way my dishes wouldve dissapeared unless they sprouted fucking arms and legs. Im keeping my dishes in a box in my room from now on

>>5752976
Unless you go to a top uni they're probably the ones too dumb to make it to the big unis in China but still rich enough to get a degree in the U.S.

>>5753008
Im from France, school is basically free there. One of them was even a top student.

I'm telling you, chinese people can't cook or behave properly.

>>5741665
Very efficient. Guy sounds like he knows what he wants out of life.

>>5744034
You need to chill out.

>>5744039
The fuck he's looking at...

>>5753028
Just talk to them about it you passive aggressive wiener. I had a bunch of Chinese housemates who would use my things sometimes, it's because they all share their stuff with each other and it's hard to keep track of everything. I told them they could use my things as long as they washed them and they did.

Open your mouth and communicate once in a while, Chinese people aren't magic mind readers.

>>5752808
>> two roommates, shitty little waifish redhead girl, and chill but shy black guy.

tfw i got excited because those people sounded cool as fuck then i realised they were cats

god damn

>eating
>roommate hovering around like he wants to try it
>ask if he wants some
>find it on the floor later

>>5753167
Me. And he never stops. Hours at a time.

>Lived in a shared 3 bedroom house for 2 years
>Year one
>Only lived with one guy, his dad owns the property, seemed quite nice, only problem is he's frugal as fuck
>Turns off the router at night to save electricity
>Only put the heating on in winter when we could see our breath
>Quite fun and nice to talk to though
>Year 2
>First guy is pseudo autistic Macfag who makes every conversation drag for 15 minutes
>Left me alone - quite friendly
>Second guy passive aggressive as fuck, banged on my walls when he could hear me talking to my parents on the phone
>Shouted at him and he left me alone for the rest of the year.
>Start of third year...

> New guy moves in
> German, PhD student, studies Math
> Wears very specific, tailored brands of clothing, shampoo is highly advanced, expensive lotions only available online (had to look the up). Everything is proper.
> Doesn't even acknowledge me for the first week.
> Keeps leaving water all over the floor in the bathroom
> Drops his food wrappers on the floor in the kitchen
> Leaves huge fucking shit stains in the toilet.
I really don't want to have a shitty third year after living with weirdos the first two years
> Decide to wine and dine him
> Cook my well respected chicken stew
> A brown/green concoction of chicken thighs, carrots, onions, potatoes, green beans, baby sweetcorn
> "Hey, man, I'm like, making some food... you, want some?"
> -German accent- "yes, yes that would be good"
> Serve him up a bowl
> "So what's your name"
> I'm _____
> "I'm Anon... you like the stew?"
> "Yes, it is good"
> Stands up and follows me into the kitchen
> "So, like, what's your PhD in?"
> "Yes, I study stochastic" *FART* "...differential equations, I'm just starting to..." *FART* "write my thesis..."
> The dude is fucking farting right in front of me
> Opens up a yoghurt, slurps it all down
> Drops the pot on the floor

> Next day I looked for new properties - finally found a flat.

>>5750027
that's lewd, anon
not much info on it though

>she wakes up horny
>im still asleep
>decides it's an interesting way to wake me up

>>5752685
He wanted to cook. He likes to cook and experiment with food- he's just not good at it. He gets annoyed if I try to help, so I just leave him alone and he does whatever he does.