/ck/ - Food & Cooking

My chinese roommate constantly makes hardboiled eggs and it seems that a decent portion of the time he completely forgets about them, so I come home to a hot dry ex-pot of water with brown, ruptured eggs in it. They shot out onto the counter once.

>Be 'pro' cook for 15 years
>at inlaws house
>how long to cook these porkchops, anon?
>2-4 minutes per side ought to do it
>"yarg globba globba derp, we'll get worms!'
>eat dried out pork chops only seasoned with mrs. dash

>>5645660
>my old housemate
>would pick apart any and every restaurant meal he had
>would then eat a baked potato with tuna and a shitty undressed salad consisting mainly of iceberg lettuce every night
>had to teach him not to cut vegetables on a ceramic plate

> eating pork anything but well-done

What

>>5645660
No so much a story, but a comment anyway....

>friend has small mental breakdown when their crockpot breaks because that's their main cooking appliance (out of choice, not necessity)
>mfw

>>5645682
>>5645700
I see you guys went for the literal answer.

nice

>>5645711
hahahaha

My mom has no sense of timing.

As an example: She'll prepare all her food and when it's done she'll start warming up water to boil rice. So either everything's cold, or the rice is ready when everyone's done eating.

> be cooking with friend
> takes charge cus we are making carbonara and it's one of my go-to dishes
> try to teach him how to get the eggs to coagulate perfectly around the pasta
> tell him the importance of adding pasta water to get the right level of creaminess
> and a bunch of other shit
> we done and it's pretty fucking good
> I chow down immediately
> he doesn't even taste it
> just dumps a shitload of ketchup on it
> I'm fucking disgusted but I don't care
> after about 10 minutes he says he can't finish it

WELL NO FUCKING SHIT, HOW THE FUCK WOULD YOU JUSTIFY PUTTING KETCHUP ON CARBONARA YOU DENSE FUCK

>>5645660
>knives on metal surfaces
what's wron with this?

>at my friends flat at uni having a few drinks
>one of his flatmates walks in timidly because I look too intimidating or something
>he pulls out a plate and a frozen shitty £2 pizza (oh dear)
>he gets grated cheese from the fridge (which I'm fairly certain costed more than the pizza itself)
>pours entire bag of cheese onto pizza
>he opens the over door and puts the pizza in without a baking tray.
>Oh dear.

>20 minutes later
>he opens door and pizza has partially melted through grates of oven.
>ohgod

>>5645711
What's wrong with this one?

>first day on /ck/
>don't get any of the jokes

>>5645739
using knives on surfaces like that or ceramic or tile is going to dull the blade

specifically i was referring to someone i used to know who would cut right in the steel sink.

chink

chink

chink

>>5645747
so what are the best surfaces to cut on?

>>5645682
>"yarg globba globba derp, we'll get worms!'
I'm wiping tears away.

Ex-bf's shenanigans with obesity, and 'experimental' food.

>makes mashed potatoes
>2 or 3 good sized potatoes
>entire stick of butter

>making homemade bolognese sauce
>dumps in a good 3 tablespoons of nutmeg
>the entire batch tasted like tree bark and was inedible
>of course he ate it

>or the time he rubbed down a very expensive prime rib roast with cinnamon

>wants frozen pierogi
>puts half a bag of frozen pierogis in a pot of cold water
>turns stove to high, walks away for a good 30 minutes, or until the water started boiling over
>comes back to mushy split-open pierogis
>eats them overcooked and slimy on a plate with ketchup
>he did this all the time

The stove's low and medium setting did not exist in his mind. Almost without fail, meals cooked on the stove either boiled over, or burnt. He was lazy enough that I actually think he used the boiling-over food as a way to tell himself when it was time to 'check' on the food.

>>5645727
I don't think I could even eat at the same table with someone who did that. I'm not kidding. I'd have to excuse myself. Does that make me too ocd for my own good? IDGAF. That is pig disgusting.

>>5645749
wood is best.

>>5645752
I wasn't even aware that people boiled pierogis

>>5645749
like the other guy said, a wood cutting board is a good choice. You can go with a cheap plastic one, too, but dispose of it when it starts getting a lot of cuts in it, if you're using it for raw meat. It makes it easier for the bacteria to thrive

>>5645745
>crock pot
>cooking

choose one

>>5645778
W-why?

>be 8ish years old
>mom not home
>put dried corn from hamster food in pot to make popcorn
>burns shit out of pot, total loss, no delicious popcorn
>run away and join french foreign legion to escape wrath of mom
>finds me hiding in closet crying

>be grad student studying middle eastern archaeology
>go to Syria for six weeks for excavation on the middle Euphrates
>excavation director hires guy from Aleppo to cook for the crew and students
>boiled eggs with bought in flat bread and amused bovine cheese become staple of breakfast and lunch because 'cook' doesn't want to actually cook anything that takes more than one step or ingredient
>boiled eggs regularly left on the stove for half an hour or more while 'cook' takes a nap or tries to flirt with female students
>yolks are, of course, almost always blue-green
>mfw I would time the eggs and turn off the heat after 10 minutes so the eggs weren't totally fucked but the 'cook' would come back after his nap to find the water not boiling, turn the heat on again and take another nap

we ended up having students volunteer to cook three or four dinners each week just so we could have real meals.
I also spent half an hour being interviewed by immigration when I returned after six weeks of not shaving or trimming my beard.

>>5645786
I'm just being cranky. Crock pots are fine for a fair number of slow cooking uses including braising and stewing.

>>5645786
>>5645801
But the point was that this is ALL they used all the time, and they didn't know how to actually cook.

That's why it was funny

>>5645805
Agreed, using a crock pot for pretty much anything except stew, chili, a pot roast or similar dish is rather silly.

>>5645752
I overseasoned a batch of pancakes with nutmeg once because I wanted to try something new and underestimated the spice, that tree-bark taste is indeed awful. Nowhere near 3 tablespoons though, jesus fucking christ.
Was also cooking it for myself because I fuck up on my own time, not when I'm cooking for another person.

this was a mistake of my own, I was experimenting with making lattes with matcha green tea powder and I thought about adding a little vanilla flavor to it, so I was going to add vanilla extract. I thought I put in just a little bit but it ended up tasting like a strong alcoholic drink. I really really underestimated how strong it was, because I had only ever used vanilla extract in large baking batches. huge mistake

>>5645660
> people who eat steak well-done
how do these tards even manage to reproduce. We should round them up and put them in concentration camps. This thread makes me sick to my stomache.

>>5645819
They manage because well done steak actually has more usable* protein in it that the body can digest and use, than uncooked or medium cooked steaks.

So you see, those "tards" have an evolutionary advantage over you, seeing as how they are gentically superior and prone to ingesting more useful/nutritional food.

My dad like to cook burgers so theyre blackened and hard on the outside. Makes them almost spherical. Thought i hatex burgers until i was 12 or so. My mom really wan't any better. Didnt believe in gravy for thanksgiving turkey for instance. Instead of red sauce on spaghetti she just dumped shit tons of butter on it. I wasnt allowed to use the stove or oven till i was 18. God im glad on my own now.

>>5645827
Evolution occurs only on the species level. A few tards acting independently of each other and not avoiding sex with rare eaters could never create an evolutionary niche.

>>5645827
U can't be for real

>>5645752
>pierogi with ketchup

>>5645827
2/10

>>5645714
i've only just recovered from living with him.

>couldn't work out how to set a timer/read his watch
>insisted he preferred his frozen pizzas carbonised

1/2

>be on a little holiday with some friends
>we have to cook our food
>I'm the "chef" of the situation because I'm the only one with cooking experience
>everything is fine as long as I'm the one cooking
>one day we buy meat
>I'm going to cook
>friend "X" stops me
>"this time let me cook, I'm very good at cooking meat, it's my favourite food, I always cooked meat for my roommate during uni, trust me"
>I trust him
>here starts the tragedy
>X puts a shit ton of oil in the (cheap, thin teflon)frying pan
>I start to realize I made a big mistake
>X puts the the frying pan on super-duper high heat
>I tell him to be careful to not burn the oil
>"don't worry"
>oil burns and creates a smelly smoke that goes through all the house
>"X, please, lower the heat, the oil is burning!"
>"no no, it has to make smoke, it's the way it's done!"
>dafuq.png
>X finally puts the meat in the pan
>oil splashs everywhere
>the meat is quite floating in oil
>I go out in the garden where the table is, waiting for X to finish his disaster

to be continued...

>>5645842
Why do you think almost all human beings cook their meats?

Because those that did fared better than those that did not.

continues from >>5645873

2/2

>he comes out with the meat after not even 2 minutes
>"rare is best, ahah, trust me"
>we start eating
>meat isn't rare, it's not even raw, it's like the animal is still fucking ALIVE
>a shitton of blood squirts out of the meat at every bite
>"X, please, don't get offended, but this meat is still raw, you should have cooked it for a bit longer--"
>"what are you saying, it's perfect!"
>"X, please, look at all the blood, and the meat is still all completely red"
>"what's the wrong with the blood? you have to have a lot of blood when you eat meat! you have to TASTE the blood, ahahah"
>"X, are you serious?"
>"of course I'm serious! are YOU serious? meat has to squirt blood when you bite it, otherwise it's overcooked shit!"
>dafuq_2.png

all this because this idiot friend of mine is obsessed with proving himself in front of others, and since he started practicing martial arts he's competitive as hell and he always feel like he has to be seen by others as a sort of "ancient barbaric warrior"(???)
he's so out of mind that he cannot longer have a sane relationship with her girlfriend, he has gone to the point where he need to hurt her during sex(and then brag about it) or he will feel like he's not a true man but a week, effeminate faggot

>>5645879
christ, i know a guy just like this.

obsessed with working out, too. we go do something fun and he's always "man, i should have just lifted today"

>>5645879
lel are you 12

>>5645672
Fucking chinks

>>5645757

>wasn't even aware that people boiled pierogis

That's exactly how you prepare them. What the fuck are you talking about? Sure, you can cook them, but it wouldn't really be a pieróg anymore, but a savoury pastry.

>>5645727
Kill him

>renting room from guy
>oven always sets off smoke alarm above 400F
>don't really get why, but a couple crumbs from breading tend to burn.
>open oven one day, whole fry in bottom
>his girlfriend moves out
>no more smoke alarm

>one day he manages to pour a whole bottle of oil over the oven, down inside through the burners
>realize this when I go to use it and there is oil coming out of the little metal rings circling the burner and the top of the stove
>take out burners, clean it up, turn it on and stand there watching it for an hour
>seems ok

>his girlfriend moves back in
>I'm cooking at 7am
>oh fuck the alarm
>same thing next day
>they replace the stove

Girl is OCD about cleaning what people can see but can ignore black mold in shower.

>>5645761
Wood is porous, don't use it for meat ever.

>>5645752
Kill the fat fuck

>>5645819

Because we are Slavpoor. We have to do our meat well, the diseases that hount our livestock is too widespread, and rabbit steak doesn't sound very appealing.

>>5645787
>thinking that's how you make popcorn

You were a dumbfuck kid

>>5645795
I don't even know where appleo is but fuck sand niggers

>>5645907
Right, I keep the plastic one for meat and a wooden one for everything else

>>5645740
Wow, I don't think I've heard of a pizza doing that unless the dough is fresh. Did your friend's flatmate let it thaw before putting it in?

Also, how expensive is food in Bongland if £2 gets you a shitty frozen pizza? Over in America our shittiest frozen pizza would run you less than a pound.

>>5645660
>ex-con neighbor invites me and gf over for dinner
>he's in cooking school, so this oughta be good
>I arrive early to see if he needs a hand prepping
>he asks if I still do dope
>I tell him not in years, as he pulls out two bags of heroin
>"Shit, man, I got one for you."
>nothanks.avi
>proceeds to snort both bags
>attempts to cook elaborate French meal while nodding off at stove
>won't let me take over, even when I have to rouse him as he goes into junkie stance over hot pan
>both our gf's arrive
>his asks him if he's been smoking pot
>"No, I'm just tired."
>She believes him
>My gf takes one look at him and whispers to me, "Is he on the nod?"
>whatdoyouthink.gif
>everything was overcooked or burned
>mfw this asshole ruins the evening and about $50 worth of good ingredients because he can't keep his nose out of a bag of fucking heroin

>>5645660

i own that book, its not bad i guess.

>>5645874
We're past that evolutionary process dickhead. At this point those that overcook their steak have no evolutionary advantage over those who cook their steak rare. Even if it were helpful, which again it is not advantageous, those who overcook would have to act intentionally as a population to only cook their meat that way and would have to exclude from reproduction the population that cooks their meat rare.

>>5645940
I think there are bigger issues here than your burnt meal and unpleasant evening...

>>5645965
You're almost certainly correct that the 'doneness' of meat has no current implications for the evolution of modern human populations but you really don't know shit about evolution.

>*passed that evolutionary process
Implying that humanity is not subject to evolutionary processes is incorrect. The environment is not the same as it was 100kya or 2mya. Still, all populations of things that have variation, some of which inheres replicative success, and pass that variation on to subsequent "generations" undergo evolution. Intentional behavior is not only unnecessary for evolution, it is entirely irrelevant and, for all intents and purposes, is no different from randomly distributed behavior. What matters is that traits, behavioral as well as physiological, can be transmitted from one individual to another.

>>5645889
well, I and this friend are into lifting, too, but at least if we do something other instead of a workout it isn't a problem for us(but he won't miss a karate lesson even if he has to give a uni exam on the same day at the same hour)

>>5645891
the saddest part is that we're 20...

>roommate isn't totally clueless in the kitchen but doesn't pay as much attention as he should
>decides he wants to make potato soup
>i stay out of the kitchen because I know he's gonna make a huge unnecessary mess
>after several hours he finishes
>offers me a bowl, grudgingly accept
>soup's not bad but it tastes a little... off
>I go to clean pot for something (don't remember what it was)
.>black flecks floating in the soup/water mixture in the pot, empty it out
>it's a teflon pot that had chipped and become rusted (badly) so I had put it away to keep my roommate from finding it and using it (he would have bitched if I had thrown it away
>goodbyecruelworld.jpg
I have no idea how I'm still alive

>>5645974
No doubt. Last time I went out drinking with that guy he spent the weekend in jail. Then I moved. By now I'm pretty sure he's either dead or incarcerated.

>>5645660
>work as a line cook in a sports bar
>the two most experienced cooks there can NOT cook pasta al dente
>one (the kitchen manager) is perfectly capable of doing so but just does not give a shit
>the other seems to have trouble understanding the concept and ALWAYS overboils it
>had multiple people explain it to him and he still doesn't get it
>has been working in restaurants for more than half his life, managed at a few of them until his alcoholism got out of control
>pasta always comes out mushy when he makes it

>>5645994
You're probably already dead. Welcome to he/ck/ Anon.

>>5646009
Fuck, I knew it

>>5646006
>sports bar
>al dente pasta

>>5645682
>'pro' cook
what does this mean

>>5646018
Someone paid him minimum wage to flip burgers at McD's

>>5646017
Sorry "sports bar and grill." Used to be the usual bar fare, but a while back one of the cooks started working at a much fancier place. He still comes back on Sundays and makes the staff some incredible food. The kitchen manager says he's only allowed to keep doing it if he shows at least one of us how to make it and writes the recipe down because one of the dumbass servers always ends up giving some to a favored customer who wants to order some so it eventually gets put on special.

Also, we pre-cook our pasta. Boil it, shock it, toss it in a vacuum bag, reboil it. Cooking it al dente or under is the easiest way for the pasta not turn to mush but heat up properly and everyone seems to have grasped that but him.

>>5645831
All of that sounds terrible. I'm so sorry for you. Good job on escaping though and at least you'll appreciate even mediocre food in a way most can't.

>>5646045

Well, that makes some sense. Good luck with the mushy pasta guy.

>>5645819
>tards
>stomache

>>5645923
syria

>>5645940
you are one of those people that has to let everyone know that you were into heroin at one point.

>>5645923
>appleo
lel

>>5645727
isn't carbonara dirty italian food?

>>5646110
everyone i'v ever known who has done heroin is a white trash/nigger faggot.

My pothead brother would always get high at 2 AM, try to cook burgers or pasta or something, then pass out and leave the stove on all night. He nearly burned down our house at least a dozen times. I was so paranoid that I started setting my alarm for 3 AM just to turn the stove off, then go back to sleep.

He also ate entire bags of sugary cereal, all of the leftovers in the fridge, and refused to pay for groceries. But that has nothing to do with cooking, just him being a shitty person.

>>5646110
Never into it, just knew folks who were, so I dabbled. Shitty party drug.
>>5646128
The guy in my story was white trash who talked like a gangsta from years in jail. There's a reason I described him as my neighbor, and not my friend.

>>5645989
I was not saying "humans are now immune to evolution", but that the doneness of meat has no implications for human evolution. It would not affect humans for many reasons, but mostly because we have high caloric diets, and we only eat fresh and preserved meats.
Would you explain why intentional behavior would not have an effect? Not just generally, but pertaining to this problem.
My suggestion was that an intentional community of "well done eaters" would be extremely successful in passing on their behavioral traits and it might result in a physiological adaptations or more successful reproduction over the equal population of "rare eaters".

>>5645938

>>5646242
What matters is whether or not a behavior has an impact on replicative success. Whether or not that behavior is intentional or not is irrelevant to its evolutionary implications.

>>5645938
shittiest 10" frozen pizza is 1.50

>>5645907
>>5645934
http://faculty.vetmed.ucdavis.edu/faculty/docliver/Research/cuttingboard.htm

>>5646284
well, so much for that plastic cutting board.

i actually "can't fucking cook" but i don't care because i like what i make anyway.

>>5645831
Your parents sound like legitimately terrible and fucked-up people, at least, your mom does.

The two guys I lived with last year.

One of them had the same meal every night
>A packet of beef mince
>Onions that he cut with a mini-blender his grandma bought him because he doesn't like cutting them
>Pre-made tomato sauce of some sort
>Penne
>Always burnt to a crisp so my kitchen constantly smelt like burnt meat and onions.

The other one lived on plain pasta mixed with brown sauce and canned tuna.

>>5646110
You just made me realize I am this kind of person.

>hungry with roommate
>go shopping
>head to big box grocery store and buy groceries for making stir fry and other meals
>bring it back and put it away
>decide to head to chinatown to get some treats and super immigrant ingredients for the stir fry
>get everything and head home
>teach roommate the basics of cooking
>show him how to julienne some stuff
>teach about portion control
>teach about always prepping beforehand
>cooking 101 is over
>assemble plates on table and grab a big bottle of whiskey
>roommate puts all the stir fry on a big plate
>sit at table and watch as roommate puts the big plate in front of me
>stirfry is covered with a dark brown sauce

fucking idiot put BBQ sauce all over it

>>5645879
>Meat shouldn't be red
Disgusting american pig detected.

>>5646376
con't

>teach roommate about ceviche
>prep everything before hand
>out of limes
>run to store
>see girl i have a crush on working at customer service counter
>invite her over for ceviche
>call up roommate
>tell him to tidy and make some more stuff to eat
>run to get chlorox and cleaning stuff to clean up the place
>get home and start cleaning
>roommate tells me hes done everything and not to worry so he heads over to the living room to play video games
>mid scrubbing the toilet i get a call from girl i like who is outside
>she brought a cute friend. life is good
>walk over to kitchen to start serving realize grocery bags haven't been put away
>roommate used apple cider vinegar for the ceviche and he made boiled eggs and peanut butter sandwiches with no crusts
>tell roommate he dun goofed
>watch him start wolfing down a little of everything
>the girl i like tries a bit
>im in shock
>watch the girl eat a bowl of vinegar ceviche
>roommate tells her to mash up the boiled egg into the ceviche with her fork
>in shock watching everyone eating this shit
>decide to try some of this shit
>tastes awful
>girl goes to bathroom with friend hear loud voilent puking
>girls say they have to go they don't feel so well
>as girls leave roommate starts wolfing down their leftover

i have so many of these stories

>>5646399
more

>>5645879
>blood
Why do people think this? It's fucking myoglobin, you know, meat juices. You'd know if it was blood because it would actually look like blood and taste metallic. Fair enough if it was still cold in the middle though.

>>5645739
kreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
That's what, you fucking queer.

>>5645879
friendzoned beta who can't handle rare meat detected

>>5646379
it should be red INSIDE, not OUTSIDE
the shit we had to eat was still red even outside
I said that the meat wasn't rare, but still raw, just to avoid comments like yours

>american pig
sorry, I'm Italian

>>5645827
>They manage because well done steak actually has more usable* protein in it that the body can digest and use, than uncooked or medium cooked steaks.
That's false.
The less you cook anything, the more protein and vital nutrients it will contain.

Also, non-lean beef cuts are disgusting. Take that fat shit somewhere else.

>>5645879
I think your friend is right, and you're the one who can't cook.
>implying 2 minutes on high heat isn't the way it's done.
Meat tastes better rare.
Take your jerky somewhere else.

>>5646569
>Also, non-lean beef cuts are disgusting. Take that fat shit somewhere else.
yes, that's why the USDA grade and quality of beef is literally directly proportional to the amount of marbling

prime rib sure is disgusting

>>5646573
see here >>5646567

I don't know how he managed to do that, but the the meat had still some spots that were red outside

>>5645940
>snorts
>heroin
What?

>she believes him
He was telling the truth though.

>>5646587
That's fucking disgusting.
Shouldn't the high heat have been enough to burn the outside?
Holy shit, he must be one of those flip it every 5 second fags, right?

>>5646576
>Appeal to authority

Take your fake animal meat and shove it up your ass.
I like my shit to taste like a victory, not like a fat pile of shit.

>>5646591
>What?
you don't do too many drugs, do you?

>>5646598
probably, or maybe he let some pieces of meat go under the other ones, I don't know
as I said, I was in the garden while he was "cooking" the meat

>>5646604
you know that deep down you don't actually believe that

>>5646604
what do you mean by victory?

>>5646555
I can't stop laughing

>>5646610
Not him, but I thought heroin was the stuff you took through needles
Can you do it both ways?

>>5646893
heroin comes as a powder that can be snorted, but it can also be put in a spoon with some water and boiled until the powder dissolves. add a cotton ball as a filter, suck it up in a syringe, and shoot it up. but when people first start out, they usually just snort it and then move on to injecting once they're hooked like a motherfucker. there is also a thick, sticky form called black-tar heroin that you smoke like hash-oil

>>5645974
/ck/

>>5645752
>wants frozen pierogi
>puts half a bag of frozen pierogis in a pot of cold water
>turns stove to high, walks away for a good 30 minutes, or until the water started boiling over
i used to do this in college oh god.

>>5646954
THEY HAVE DIRECTIONS ON THE BOX
WHAT IS SO HARD???

>>5646893
Yes, I find the notion of mainlining H awful and couldn't do it myself.

>>5645923
>i stood up an told that teachin lady the only letters i need to know are U S A

>be at uni
>housemate makes bangers and mash
>almost impossible to fuck up
>everything looks fine, sausages are cooked nicely, mash even has pepper in it, well done i think.
>mash tastes off, weird even
>house mate used teflon saucepan
>the black specs weren't pepper

Anybody else have friends that are so close, yet so far? I don't have a lot of stoner dumbasses in my life anymore, so I can avoid most of those disasters.

But I know I would sperg out if I had to watch some of these people cook, even if it usually turns out good enough that I can politely chow down.

>teflon for everything and at every temperature
>slowly slicing veggies with pairing knives
>that one girl who uses garlic and onion power on everything but never keeps real onions are garlic around
>won't take advice because this is how their white trash mom did it
>etc

I have to politely stay as far away from the kitchen as possible.

>>5646499
Hemoglobin

>>5646342
>one lived on plain pasta mixed with brown sauce and canned tuna.

This guy lived into his twenties? Fucking amazing!

>>5646976
my cock

>>5645660
>go to overly-involved in-laws house with fiancee
>weird family that suck's each others' dick
>mother in law won't allow anything less than medium well because "the liquid stuff is blood"
>eat some of the most disgusting, dry steaks i've ever had in my life
>have to pretend they're good to stay on their good side because they're paying for the wedding
shit was dryer than my mother in law's cunt

>>5647198
>dryer than your mother in law's cunt

So, tell us that part of the story Anon.

>>5646066
Yeah, he's a fun guy to work around, I just DON'T like it when he cooks the pasta.

>>5647289
she's an evil witch and therefore it is safe to assume she has a dry cunt
/story

>>5646376
That would quite literally drive me insane, I fucking Love stir fry and fucking hate bbq sauce

>>5647421
the witches I've met have had rather moist and inviting cunts. maybe you are just an ass hole

>>5647005

>make a huge batch of steamed buns up and freeze them
>roommate loves them, comes home one day, asks if she can have one.
>of course, can you steam me one too? steamer should be on the counter
>she agrees and goes into the kitchen
>come check in on her after about 15 minutes, not sure what's taking so long
>she is boiling water and holding the frozen bun on a fork over top to 'catch the steam'
>what

>>5645705
word.. fucking pork chops medium rare
>2014
>fucking muricans

Went to a friends house and saw him making scrambled eggs at 6pm. Dont really give a fuck but I was looking how he was making it. Pan at high heat obviously not non-stick puts no butter or oil drops egg in has 2 spices salt and pepper. Proceeds to try and flip it half of it falls put of the pan and the rest is stuck in the pan or burnt puts it in 2 plain white peices of bread and eats it saying hes a great cook. This is why I cook whenever people hang out with me I cant stand how people eat.

>>5647526
there's no way this is real

>>5647545

nope it sure is she is totally useless in the kitchen. also refuses to touch any kind of uncooked meat. Not sure how she's going to feed herself now that we don't live together anymore.
Since I was reminded by >>5647535

>Roommate asks if I want breakfast and offers to cook us all scrambled eggs
>huh ok, thanks!
>cracks egg into pan with some butter... waits... ends up bringing out a fried egg on a dinner plate.
>oh I thought you were making scrambled eggs, roommate? I don't mind fried eggs
>Anon don't you know how to scramble eggs? You're so silly.
>Grabs fork and starts ripping fried egg apart into little shredded egg-chunks
>there anon, I scrambled them for you, they're perfect!

> be a lazy microwave using shit.
> at some guys house watching over it, says food there is free reighn.
> time to be a fucking scientist.
> coat pan with pam, three eggs, sprinkle whatever is egg worthy with hotsause/soysause on eggs.
> fold over since I suck at fliping non folded eggs.
> No sweat with taisty omlets.
> get cocky and see some random vedgies and weird ass fancy purple noodles.
> put them ALL in a regular bowl with some chicken bolion.
> put in microwave.
> Expecting disaster but get some taisty noodleish soup instead.

I get the weirdest fucking luck when cooking, I dont test it too often and when I do instead of ooze everywhere i get something edible and atleast a breif clean of the microwaves spinning glass top.

>>5645806
what about lazy curries?

>>5645907
wrong

>>5647596
>reighn
>vedgies

>>5645761
doesnt matter if its sanitized properly like you should do with anything anyway. I also give mine a good sanding a couple times a year

>>5646569
>non-lean beef cuts are disgusting.
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

>>5647534

pedostralian, pls go

>>5645660
I like well-done steak.

>>5647678
noted, thank you

>Work in a kitchen
>One of the guys has been fucked by heavy psychadelics and stimulants, he's fried mentally
>He borrows my knife
>MFW he's cutting avocados directly on the fridgetop, with my knife, after I've asked him so many times to use the cutting board right next to it

>>5645740

Why would you need a baking tray? A pizza has never melted through from my last experiences. AGA race reporting in

>>5645940

Haha, sounds rather funny.

>>5645682
>mrs. dash

>used to live with father when I was teenager
>he had this cunt gf
>couldn't cook at all
>didn't know shit about seasoning
>poured mrs dash on everything
>all meat was dry
>meatloaf was soggy and disgusting
>flavorless food
>somehow burned canned peas trying to heat them stovetop
>inch of blackened peas on bottom of pan
>pan ruined

Speaking of,

>dad cheapskate
>try to tell him frozen veg are not much more than canned and are a lot healthier and tastier
>nope, canned, always
>years later
>see he still eats mushy canned peas and sickly green canned green beans

I never liked peas until I tried frozen ones, and they're goddamned delicious.

>dad makes "soup"
>puts vegetables, canned vegetables, and water in a crockpot for a day
>no seasoning

>>5647124
>>that one girl who uses garlic and onion power on everything but never keeps real onions are garlic around

Onions and garlic are a pain in the ass to chop. I do get onions when I want stirfry or curry, though. Otherwise I use scallion. Far less hassle.

>>5645899
pierogi's are boiled then pan cooked or baked.

Person that boiled the pierogi was likely using those ones that are pre-boiled.

So who is everyone here quoting? Or are you just incapable of typing a real sentence?

>>5648413
Trolling or new?

>>5648388
put garlic in the fridge then it becomes easier to prepare.

>>5647474
>47474
Nice

>>5645749
end-grain wood. Look for the kind that looks like its made from a bunch of different little blocks.

>>5645660
>teaching a roommate to cook
>tell him he cant start cooking a completely frozen chicken and it has to be defrosted in cold water.
>he's to impatient so I compromise and tell him to defrost in microwave.
>he just throws the chicken in the microwave,no plate or anything
>'the microheat kills the bacteria anon"

>>5645660
Not really cooking, but
> Old Roommate
> Never actually went shopping or paid for groceries
> Insisted I buy three loaves of white bread for a week's worth of groceries
> Put two in the goddamn freezer
> "It keeps it fresh."

>>5646379
Only Americans from the Midwest or Northwest would ruin good meat by cooking it well-done.

>>5648613
why would anyone throw away that much of a banana?

>>5648742
She doesn't maintain that slim figure by horking down everything in sight.

>>5645660
>dormmates GF comes to visit for a few weeks
>decides to help with the cleaning
>uses up half a liter of dish detergent in a week
>clean-scrubs a dirty teflon pan with steel wool

>>5648752
should have put it in the frzr for stuffing herself l8r

>>5645660
>dormmates GF comes to visit for a few weeks
>decides to help with the cleaning
>uses up half a liter of dish detergent in a week
>clean-scrubs a dirty teflon pan with steel wool

>another guy took a recipe way to literally
>it said "flip (the meat) over when it looks done"
>he flipped it over when the top looked done

>>5645700
god, my old roomate was just like this. "hurrdurr, this isn't healthy". then he'd come home and throw frozen chicken breasts on a pan in the oven, boil a sweet potato, then burn his hands taking the chicken out without an oven mitt, and douse both the potato and chicken in ranch. and fuck was he messy, risotto fucking everywhere, and would always talk about how much of a health nut and amazing cook he was. i wish his girlfriend actually would have died of malaria.

>>5648397
vareniki are the ones that are boiled and they are much smaller, about 3 inches long
Piroschki/Perogi are fried in lard and are as big as your hand

>>5645778
crocking

>Walk into kitchen last night
>Roommate boiling water for pasta, clearly stoned
>Looking sort of confused
>"Yo roommate, what are you cooking?
>"Hey Anon, just boiling water. It won't boil though."
>He's actually having trouble boiling water
>"Could it be because I put garlic powder in it?"
>He seasoned the water with garlic powder
>No salt
>I check the pot
>Heat on medium-low

>>5645806
>not using crockpots for pulled pork and pulled chicken

>>5645827
dom? is that you? when's the next broscience?

>>5648790
Get a smoker you bum.

>>5645831
yo tho buttersgetti goes hard as fuck

>>5645903
>whole fry in bottom

what? a whole fryer chicken? a whole french fry?

>>5646591
#4 ECP, faggot. I've got a G in my jacket pocket right now ready for a sniffin'.

Fucking kids.

>>5646148
it's not supposed to be a party drug, it's a fuck you this is about me drug

>>5646604

1/10 made me reply

>>5646657

he means he's never killed anything with a beating heart and mama's boxed mash is still his favvy

>>5648707
10/10 ebin bait

>>5648811
It's bullshit, is what it is. The only time it ever made sense to me was doing half a line to come down from too much coke. That was around the time I realized it was probably unwise to do that much coke in the first place.

>>5646399
im dying

more

>My mother would put sour cream on noodles
> no butter
>pasta sauce
>mfw

>>5648707
i see that all the time with toast. ia that bad?

>>5648613
Fun fact, the bacteria are too small to be affected by microwaves directly. I tested that by throwing a few ants in the microwave, they made it out fine.

>>5649173
Your science meets FDA standards, must be true.

>>5648977

>My mother would put sour cream on noodles

My mom can actually cook but this is her favorite too-lazy-to-cook-right-now lunch

>>5649177
I'm not saying they aren't affected by the heat of the shit being cooked. Its why that protective mesh has holes that size in the microwave window. The wavelengths of the microwaves are larger than the holes and larger than ants.

>>5649194
im sorry but I couldn't stand it when my mom made it. It would be all clotted and clumpy and just bad haha

> cooking for a meal with friends
> One of them offer to help
> Give him 1kg of potatoes to peel
> Get them back
"Hey, wait, where's the rest ?"
"There's no rest Anon, everything's here."
> See his work station. See his peeling waste. Weight potatoes
> 460g

What. The. Fuck.

I swear I'm a good cook, I'm just having a bad day.

>get hungry
>god damn some jalapeño poppers sound good rn
>no breadcrumbs
>just cream cheese and jalapeños from the garden
>cut and de-seed the jalapeños
>spread cream cheese on them
>fuck it, I need them now
>don't even cook them
>take bite into one
>oh, these are actually pretty hot
>eat the rest of them to not be wasteful
>I'm sitting on the couch picking my nose when
>suddenly the heat kicks in
>these jalapeños from the garden are as fucking hot as ghost peppers
>my nose is on fire
>I'm sitting right here as I type this with a wet paper towel up my nose

>>5649481
nice one

>>5649481
10/10
Would chuckle again.

>>5645660
>step mom was cutting vegetables on a textured glass sheet that is supposed to be used as a stand to put a center piece.
>"um-do you guys have a cutting board I can use for this bread ?"
>oh just use this "glass cutting board"
>I don't think you're supposed to cut on glass
>no this one is made for it
>mfw
the fuckin thing is textured, not an even surface for anything. silly bitch

>>5649736
Glass cutting boards actually exist, you know.

But I've mever seen one textured.

>>5649818
even if it wasn't textured, they dull blades.
>alton brown said so

>>5649847
But they do exist. And it's the more hygienic (some say).

>>5649858
doesn't matter.
not good for blade.
wood superior.
you jimmy-rustler

>>5649875
B-but I'm only stating the fact that they actually exist

>>5649173

Sorry to tell you anon but your science experiment was shit.

Microwaves don't work by directly killing whatever living thing you put inside, they work by causing water to rotationally vibrate, hence rapidly heating up any water inside.

You either didn't cook the ants long enough or they don't have very much water in them.

>>5649173
>bacteria = ants
surely you jest

>>5648795
I like my smoke in liquid form.

>>5649818
>>5649847
My parents have a textured glass cutting board and they use it all the time. I know better, but I don't think it hurts their Chicago Cutlery set too much.

>>5645778
>pick two

A crock pot is a cooking device, you idiotic prick.

>be like 10
>see mom putting bay leaves in sauce
>think they are leaves from outside
>go outside and contemplate life
dinner time
>why don't you get some sauce?
>you put leaves in it..
>yeah, they add flavor, and I always use them in that sauce
>...I get some sauce and sit down
>2nd bite I have a whole leaf in my mouth
>spit it out and ask whyyyyy
>everyone laughs, explains bay leaves.

>still young, mom preparing chicken
>see her with a candle or torch in the sink, da fuq?
>shes burning off the hair
>doing a poor job
>never knew they had hair, cause feathers yo
>finished product still has hair
>can't eat it
to this day I can't stand hair on chicken.

>come from Greek background ergo fridge and pantry are always fully stocked in case of emergency need to cook/bake
>go to Aussie friend's house where we're going to make brownies
>no time to even double check that she has all the ingredients since she immediately wants to go to the supermarket
>ask her again and again if we have butter, cocoa powder, etc
>she says yes to both things
>get home just after shops close
>"here's the butter anon"
>mfw look into the fridge to see two half full containers of 1L milk, 3 tubs of margarine all in different states of used, and random assortments of sauces
>literally have never seen a fridge this empty in my life wtf
>realise that she thought margarine = butter
>ohgodno.gif
>ask her where the cocoa powder is
>mfw she can't find it
>spend a good half an hour sorting through her walk in pantry that was just filled with random boxes of cereal, random cans of tuna and other shit they don't eat, and literally 10 boxes of museli in different brands
>mfw she finds Nestle and asks if that's good enough
>mfw forgot to make sure she had vanilla extract since in my baking ignorance I assumed this was a staple in all households
>1 hour later we start making the brownies
>she dumps all the flour in without sifting it
>keeps complaining about how much sugar is in it
>"oh my god anon there is sooo much sugar in this!" x3521651
>get to measuring out the fake butter shit
>"where's your scale?"
>mfw she told me they don't have one
>mfw now I know why she's such a shit baker/cook
>guesstimate how much margarine to put in
>mfw she starts complaining about how much margarine is in it
>finally get to baking the damn thing
>mfw the margarine had totally separated from the mixture and put a watery layer on top of the entire brownie
>she refused to eat it

Needless to say, I've never baked with her again.

>>5650827
Another story, this time the setting's at my work.

>work at shitty cafe
>one of the menu items is a 'caesar salad'
>chicken pieces coated in garlic and oregano, with mixed salad and french onion
>ask why it's called a caesar salad despite there being nothing caesar salad about it
>"oh anon, when someone orders it, take it from the front fridge into the kitchen and cut up some boiled egg for it before putting caesar dressing on top!"
>mfw was then told that there's no croutons or bacon in it so it's gluten free and muslims/jews can eat it
>mfw the caesar dressing had gluten in it and the meat wasn't halal anyway

>>5648977
Sour cream and noodles is a valid combination. Stroganoff is better, but meh.

>>5645753
>> be cooking with friend
>> he takes charge cus we are making carbonara and i'm new to this
>> shows me how to get the eggs to coagulate perfectly around the pasta
>> tells me the importance of adding pasta water to get the right level of creaminess
>> and a bunch of other shit
>> we done and it looks pretty fucking good
>> dump a shitload of ketchup on it
>> roommate makes sound like beached whale
>> I'm fucking disgusted but I don't care
>> snatches his plate up and waddles to his room
>> ten minutes later throw the whole thing out

>>5650827
She sounds pretty average. But if you were half the cook you seem to think you ought to be you should have been able to create something incredible using what she had.

>defeated by margarine

I mean, come on now.

>>5650851
>implying you can create incredible things using subpar margarine over butter

I actually am legitimately interested to hear what incredible recipes you can make using margarine. That shit is less than 35% fat while the rest is water, hence why it turned my beloved brownie recipe into diarrhea consistency shit.

>>5645660
but crushing hot pop tarts in a bowl with milk and serving it like its cereal is gormet shit yo!

>>5647165
No. It's myoglobin. Try again retard

>>5650884
this sounds fucking delicious

>>5647676

>taisty
>fliping
>sause
>bolion
>breif

That post is a nightmare

>>5650884
heat up the pop tarts first, then pore the cold milk over the steaming pop tarts

>>5645879
Your friend isn't actually far off how steak is suppose to be cooked in my mind.

Leave your steak on a wire rack in the fridge for about 24hrs.
Get a pan on the heat, bit of oil in the bottom, enough to cover the entire bottom of the pan at least. Whilst waiting for your oil to heat up season your steak(s) (salt, pepper,rub it with whatever herbs and maybe a little lemon zest.
Steak goes in the pan just as it starts to smoke
flip your steak every 10-15 seconds.
Should be ready in a few minutes.
Leave your steak to rest on the rack for at least 5 minutes.
Collect the ripping steak juices, back in the pan on a really low heat (remove some oil if there's too much in the pan)
Rosemary in the pan with some garlican lemon peel (rub it between your fingers to get the oils out first)
Strain the shit out the pan.

Serve your steak with the rosemary and lemon juices poured over.

>>5649173
>I am become Science.

You better have eaten those ants you fuckin pleb.

>>5649414
never let a moron knife peel your spuds.

>>5650957
or you can go for the 3-4 mins each side approach and only flip once, which works about just as well, since you're allowing the heat to go through the steak instead of constantly flipping it and having the heat never rise up the steak

>>5650979
kinda the whole point of flipping it constantly,
You get an even cooking that seals the outside and goes a little crispy but the centre is still med-rare.
But that's just how I like my steak, when it comes to steak it's all about personal taste, unless you can't cook for shit.

>>5645740

>2 pounds
>shitty pizza

That's some kind of 5 Michelin star pizza, that's what that is

>>5645918


What the fuck? Why do you think he was stupid, that's just, you know, kind of really logical thinking on his side.

>>5650844
My mother and the fosterchild did the same fucking thing when I cooked it at home.
Fucking pigs.

>>5650953
properly executed it is both warm and cold in your mouth! AT THE SAME TIME EVEN!!!!!
>>5650940
its fantastic

>>5650844
Wrong post. Meant
>>5645727

>>5646248

Looks like a mushroom cloud

>>5645705

We eat raw minced pork all the time here in Germany.

My housemate uses a fork to stir food, he's scratched the surface off my wok and all my pans.

To cut most foods he holds them in the air and slams a butter knife into them until they break apart.

He puts barbecue sauce or american mustard on ALL dishes. Curry, Chinese food, pies, salads. Everything.

>>5651048
He also uses the wrong pans for everything and burns everything.

My milk pan/sauce pan literally has an inch of burn rice stuck to the bottom. I've scrubbed it, soaked it, ran it through a dishwasher several times. It'll never be clean.

>>5651045
In the states, they don't vaccinate the poultry against salmonella http://www.forbes.com/sites/nadiaarumugam/2012/10/25/why-american-eggs-would-be-illegal-in-a-british-supermarket-and-vice-versa/ (that's why eggs outside a refrigerated area, like we have in olde yurop, sounds dangerous to americunts because it's a danger at the level of a third world country there.)
I guess it's the same for other meats. You can get worms from contaminated raw pork.

>>5651041

>>5648707
>> Put two in the goddamn freezer

>dad did this growing up
>bread was always smushed and goopy
>lived less than five minutes from a grocery store

People are nuts. The store ain't going anywhere, damn.

>>5650818
>>2nd bite I have a whole leaf in my mouth

Aren't you supposed to take them out before serving up?

>>5650827

Couldn't you have, you know, went back to the store?

>>5647596
maybe you're gifted
make a jewtube video where you explain the phenomena and try some random cooking

>>5650827
>3 tubs of margarine all in different states of used

Fucking why.

>briefly lived with boyfriend's family
>had no fewer than four cream cheese packs at any given time
>all of them opened
>two tubs of margarine
>both open
>two, if not three, bottles of ketchup, all opened
>one day go through their freezer looking for something to eat
>see a frozen meat pie
>check date
>expired 3 years ago

>his dad's professed hobby was cooking
>but he only liked cooking meat
>every vegetable or side dish was an afterthought, usually prepackaged or canned
>those bags of instant cheesy noodles you get for fifty cents, or kraft mac n cheese
>at least the meat was good

>dropped stuff in burners while cooking
>never cleaned it
>get fed up, routinely cleaned whole stove to get the burned on shit off it
>took hours of scrubbing
>entire french fries left to burn next to gas burner
>oven in same state

>ask (ex) boyfriend to fetch lettuce from the store
>he came home with cabbage

>>5651085
>ask (ex) boyfriend to fetch lettuce from the store
>he came home with cabbage
This is a bit too farfetched. If you're going to make shit up at least make it believable

>>5651048

>this entire post

Anon if you could see my face, holy shit what the fuck. Who the hell taught him this shit? Kill him, please, remove him from this world. These people walk among us.

>>5651088
Oh, this is believable. Trust me, some people are this retarded, and yet somehow manage to survive through adulthood.

>Invited to cookout
>Wanted to season chicken and add some veggies, aslo toss up some salad
>Frieds retared sister in kitchen with me
>ask her if they have soy sauce
>noooo anon.. lol
>hm nevermind, i just chop it, curry and paprika it with a little flour and fry it in the pan
>i dont think we have these kind of things
> ehh ok.. do you have thymian and rosmary? i could add some garlic and honey
> omg anon i told you we dont use such things
> what do you mean "such things" ? like "foreign"? lol
> yeah you know, we just use normal things
> like?
> i dunno, pepper, salt..
>i see. get me some olive oil and vinegar for the salad
> OMG ANON I TOLD YOU WE DONT HAVE SUCH STUFF

culture in decline

>>5648707
I often freeze rolls and bread when i bake, turns out fine. Dunno why you would do it when buying bread though

>>5645938
Pretty expensive. Shitty frozen pizzas are £1.50+, the shitty-but-just-useable pizzas can easily be £3-4, with the nice pizzas starting at £4.50 for 250g pizzas.

Cherries are also bloody expensive over here, £10/kg.

>>5645761
Wood should never be used for meat.

I find it best to have a few plastic boards, different colours based on their purpose, and then just get new ones every few months. They're cheap and it keeps everything clean.

>>5645660
>people who think pork and steak should be cooked to well-done.

Pork yes, steak no.

OP if you don't cook pork through you fucked up. Same goes with chicken. Not cooking pork through is literally like serving chicken with a raw bit in the middle, you don't do it dumbass.

>>5651045
enjoy your tenia

>>5651160

Yeah, we're all dying because of our love of Mett.

>>5651169
Meeeeett-looooove! Meeeheeeet-love!

>>5651150
FDA shill pls go

>>5651105

Actually retarded or not?

>spices, vinegar, and olive oil being rare things

I'd say what the fuck, but I actually know a lot of people like that. Come to think of it, my housemate doesn't own any seasoning. Just ketchup, if that counts. She has a husband and a kid, so not just some college kid in a temporary residence.

I don't know what the hell people like that even eat.

>>5651169
>>5651045

Maybe you have better quality meat in germany. In the us it all comes from shit-covered factory farms, butchered by illegal wetbacks who can't wash their hands after shitting outside in the field.

>cook a big meal for friends i was living with
>Kangaroo roast (ausfag) Gravy made from the drippings and gravox
>honey roasted carrots
>home made chips (thick cut fries)
>Roasted sweet potato
>it was amazing
why am i saying this when it's the opposite of the thread? because it inspired two of them to attempt a similar thing

one
>Dry as fuck port roast with chap apple sauce
>fattiest potatoes imaginable
>broccoli boiled into a flavorless slightly grey limp sprout
>watery gravy made from nothing by gravox powder

two
>on a diet at this point
>black on the outside, undercooked on the inside beef roast
>thickest gravy possible, purely made from gravox again
>the potatoes were dripping with fat and oil
>also thrown into the vat of oil in the oven were cut up carrots and pumpkin with the skin left on
>"so, if everybody can thrown in ten bucks or so that's be great"
>i ate very little compared to everybody else
>they had a fat friend over, she kept eating more
>they had a cake from the local supermarket
>have one small piece
>fat fuck has four
>everybody else has two
>tfw all my friends are fat

>>5651202

SHOULD'VE PUT SOME SHRIMP ON THE BARBIE

>>5651191
FDA shill you are not welcome here

>>5651060
The real question is, why is the FDA paying people to spread lies on 4chan? What's your game FDA?

>>5651222
>offer to cook American person Kangaroo
>he refuses, because it would be "weird"
>asks if I've ever tried Eemooo
>NOPE

>>5651222
I assume you mean Prawns on the Barbie. And i prefer to cook dim sims on the barbecue

>>5651241

>>5651244
I don't get it. Don't Americans like Dim Sims on the BBQ? I know they are more common deep fried from a fish and chippery or even steamed with soy sauce, but BBQed is really nice.

pic related, DimSims steamed.

>>5651253

The post >>5651222 was a reference to Dumb and Dumber, where he talks to an Austrian girl

>>5651253
You don't seem to know what bbq is, buttertoorh

>>5650827
> come from Greek background

not talking about pizza
better luck next

>be me
>mom keeps bread in freezer
>white bread hard as granite
>bread no toppings or sandwich meat
>no hotdogs
>microwave bread and takes smashed shape

Why god, why.

>>5651287
This guy is doing it wrong, you are supposed to cut them in half... I only had the steamed dimsims pic on hand.

>>5651282
Never seen it

>>5651312
toast it slightly

>>5651316
>Never seen it

You should, it's quite funny

>>5651316
i forgot the picture, i'm cooking popcorn right now

>>5651085
>He came home with cabbage

Fuck that is way too funny.

>>5650867
mind sharing that recipe friend?

>>5651088
Damn dude, I've seen many people make that mistake.

I did when I was five

>>5651085
>>5651088

Was you ex boxfriend illiterate?

>>5651191
Land of the free

>>5651150
Are you actually retarded? Why don't you go look up the updated FDA guidelines on cooking pork. You don't have to cook it as long as chicken.

Oh, and please don't talk about shit unless you actually what you're talking about. You're spreading misinformation.

>>5651150
>Pork yes, steak no.

You can actually eat pork when it's light pink but unless it's really high quality I'd refrain from doing so. Just to be sure. Even though it's most likely perfectly fine.

>>5651585
You can actually eat pork raw, modern raising practices and sanitation tests make trichinella spiralis nearly none existant.

>>5651603

I just know of Mett that is being eaten raw. But I never had it because I kind of dislike the thought of raw pork. And Mett.

>it'll only take like 30 minutes
>you're supposed to thaw that beforehand
>what? it's fine.
>2 and a half hours later dinner is served

>>5648439
greentexting has always been for quoting. you're new for thinking otherwise.

>>5651633

It has been used for quoting and then for telling stories in a condensed way as well.
And of course for
>you're new for thinking otherwise
>implying

>>5651617
Ehh, its okay. Like raw beef and raw eggs, raw pork has its time and place. The problem is that you don't find nice cuts of pork like you do nice cuts of beef. Cause no one assumes you will be cooking under well done.

>>5651658

>raw egg

Aw heck no! I don't like that at all. Eggs have to be completely dry for me, nothing runny, nothing slimey on them.

>>5651105
>>5651189
This is what my parents were like before I started cooking. They had like 3 or 4 spices in the cupboard. When I kept telling them that good food has a lot of herbs and spices added for a lot of flavour they would reply "the most important thing you need for food to taste good is salt and pepper". I used to think I hate a lot of dishes but it was just their awful awful cooking.

Luckily since I've been cooking for the past 7 or so years practically every dinner their cooking has improved as well. They even grow a few different herbs in the garden, always great to get some fresh rosemary and thyme throughout the year.

>>5652001
>"the most important thing you need for food to taste good is salt and pepper"
but this is true

>>5652002
Not if it's the only thing you use.

>>5645660
do you even cook?

>>5652002
I'd say fresh ingredients might be slightly more important

>>5645897
fucking racists

>>5652018
Ask me how I know you've never been around a lot of minorities.

>>5651051
>putting a sauce pan through a dishwasher
you're an idiot
>soaked it several times and it'll never be clean
you're either exaggerating or you're an idiot

add strong dish soap and then boiled water to the pan, and then turn on your stove ring underneath it , the rice should lift off in one chunk

failing that, baking soda + vinegar is powerful enough to shift most 'cooked in' problems

>>5645752
you lying whore how dare you twist the truth like that you are the one who could even make scrambled eggs
>mfw you still don't see why I dumped you

>>5652038
ask me how i know you are a nazi

mayo mustard and mayo mixed into a plate full of potato mash

>mfw dude has no bodyfat and abs
>tfw i eat healthy and weigh over 230 lbs

>>5652070

What's mayo mustard?

>>5646110
Obviously, since opioids are superior to all other forms of recreational drugs. It's sort of like preaching the good word and helping others find the path to the right drug.

>>5645752
>that first and last one
I vomited a little.

>>5648388
>Onions and garlic are a pain in the ass to chop

>>5648707
nearly got me

>Salt and pepper on stuff before they even taste it

>>5652291
it is called experience, you facial face!

>>5649957
You're right about the rotational vibration, but only certain parts of the microwave are heated , due to constructive and destructive interference in the microwaves themselves. That's why the food is on a plate that spin, so they're covered evenly.

iirc ants are small enough and fast enough to avoid the heating bits. I think they might be able to sense where the heating is as well.

>>5645722
>That's actually how a lot of people eat meals in restaurants in parts of mainland China where wheat is bigger than rice. A bowl of rice is brought out in the middle or end of the meal - it's an ongoing process since dishes are brought out one by one. If the rice isn't part of the dish, it's not going to kill you to wait, pussy.

>>5652070
that's tasty though

>>5651105
ah yes those people, I know a few of them. just have an excuse ready to eat at home.

"huh what else besides salt, pepper and nutmeg do you need?"

>>5652072
>2014
>not using Mayostard

You live under a rock?

>>5646110
Seems like it was important to the story they were telling, Anon.

>>5649173
Well I once put a weird looking bug in my microwave that was the same size as an average ant and it got chazzled

>>5652306
>Hey everyone, look at me, I'm talking in greentext! The person I'm replying to is doing the same.

>>5646122
>dirty italian
these are synonyms

>>5646284
>ucdavis.edu
garbage

>>5648977
this makes me ill

i'm glad my family isn't fat enough to have horrors like these haunt my dreams

>>5649414
I once asked a friend peel carrots for me. I ended up having to clean up carrot peels off of the walls and ceiling, and somehow he both way overpeeled and wasted a lot of food, and also missed giants spots.

And then he says that I'm way too picky and precise about my cooking.

>>5646248
Was that broiled?

>>5651074
>Couldn't you have, you know, went back to the store?

see:
>get home just after shops close
>>5650827

>>5650837
I worked at a place where the only difference between the Chicken Cesar salad and the House Salad was the chicken. They were both just shitty generic iceberg mix with some mealy tomatoes and cheap shredded cheddar and your choice of dressing on the side. Got really embarrassing trying to explain to people that the person who came up with the menu was just fucking retarded.

>>5652003
Still true. If I had to choose I'd take salt and pepper over thyme and rosemary.