/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>use a fucking potholder, dumbass

>hold a matchstick between your teeth when cutting onions to stop you from crying

>put a bowl of water in microwave with hotdog if you want hotdogs so badly

>Don't blame me if the lasagna sauce. Boils out of the pan because you made it too full. You'll be cleaning it.

>>5589384
I still forget this one sometimes

>It's your own stupid fault it's burnt. Maybe next time you'll listen to me when I tell you to set the timer.

>Don't show off your knife skills barefoot.

this isn't advice but my mom used to take pb&j sandwiches and cut them into strips then roll them up and give them to me when I was sad

>try putting ketchup on your eggs
thank you based redneck mama

>>5589384
>>5589396
>>5589422
>>5589433
Your mothers must be wonderful ladies.

>if your hands are greasy soak them in warm water with lemon juice

>>5589473
first quoted post here. she definitely is. our family just banters that way. we find it funny. others are shocked that we don't put on a polite facade every time we talk to each other.

>>5589441
was your mom a chef who the fuck says knifeskills but chefs

>>5589375
My mom was a professional cook in Miami, I remember some specifics, but it's really just stuff that I learned from her and my dad. It's almost genetic.

#1 is, don't be a jerk.
#2 use your nose, it always knows
#3 have some fun

>>5589483
thats so cool I'm jealous
how good were your lunches every day anon?

>>5589477

alternatively, use soap

>>5589478
low class family detected
seriously though every family I've ever come across thats like this is some white trash. It's not that hard to be semi polite when you have guests over you house raccoons

>>5589486
As my mom got older then she couldn't cook as well, and being a dumbass I didn't learn as much as I could from her. My lunches were pretty standard, just crap since I was a kid and had to make them for myself, she was working to keep her children in school.

>>5589375
>use half the chocolate chips when making chocolate chip cookies so people can savor the dough

your mom is a monster

>corn is a healthy veggie eat all of it on your plate anon!
this midwestern bitch had me convinced corn was a veggie on par with broccoli for YEARS

>>5589490
when guests are over, sure. just like we act differently when out in public. but close friends and family don't count as guests.

>low class family detected
kek, you're free to believe it if you'd like.

>>5589483

#4 enjoy the D

>>5589500
>this idiot thinks the chips are what makes chocolatechip cookies

>>5589479
She was a keen cook in her day.

>>5589508
>not making cookies with Cape Cod Sea Salt kettle chips

>>5589519
wait is this a thing?
honestly it could either be the best or worst thing ever Im not sure what way it would go

>>5589433
The best part is that this is what I tell MY mother. Good job falling asleep and turning $80 worth of prime rib into shoe leather, Mom. Best Christmas gift ever. You seriously can't remember when you put something in the oven? YOU COOKED IT FOR SIX FUCKING HOURS

>>5589531
My mom is deathly afraid of undercooking anything but straight up refuses to buy a meat thermometer, so everything always came out like shit
>had thanksgiving at my aunt's house one year when I was like 13
>my fucking face when I discovered that turkey was actually edible if you don't dry the fuck out of it

>>5589477
Alternatively, take a shower once in a while.

>>5589508
Of course the chips make chocolate chip cookies.
>no chocolate chips
>it's just a fucking cookie

>>5589508
this fucking guy

>>5589606
if you over load it with too many chocolate chips it gets too sweet
I like one or two chocolate chips a bite otherwise I'd just buy a fucking chocolate bar

>>5589577
My family lis like that with pork.

>anon there's parasites in pork
>gotta cook it properly!
>it's so dry it flakes like dust where i cut it
>eat pork in restaurant
>my world is changed

>>5589779
I'm not sure i've ever had porkchops that weren't horrendously overcooked for this exact reason

>>use half the chocolate chips when making chocolate chip cookies so people can savor the dough
your mother's a whore

>>use half the chocolate chips when making chocolate chip cookies so people can savor the dough

Are you fucking shitting me. Fuck that shit.

>>5589577
Ditto this with steak and roast beef too until I went to uni. I was all like these stupid fucks paying so much for a piece of steak it's not even nice. Then decide to cook one for myself following actual instructions. She even cooks chicken before putting it in seasoning even if the recipe specifically states the opposite. "Just to get it started anon, you don't want to get sick"
>Bitch I've never done that when cooking and have I ever gotten you sick when cooking for you?

>>5591594
May as well throw this in there as it happened today.
>She's making Irish stew (chuck beef, instant gravy granules, can of oxtail soup. The usual ingredients)
>actually made it last night because "It'll save time"
>Stew sits on the stove until dinner time today
>See her plating up, leeks which dissapeared from the fridge that I assumed went in to the stew are nowhere to be seen
>I know whats happened
>"You probably shouldn't have put the leeks in until today
>Her:"that's what happens in a pressure cooker
>"No, that's what happens when you cook leeks for 5 hours, they disintegrate"
>"It's fine anon"
mfw she's Irish

>>5589764
It's possible that chocolate chip cookies aren't for you.

Have you tried pecan shortbread?

>>5591657
>be irish
>mammy makes stew a few months ago
>potatoes disintegrate
>stew is fucked
>puts more potatoes in
Fucking hell mammy, what are you doing.
Thank christ she didn't do it again.
Stew turned into some sort of potato paste with meat and carrots.

My mom is an ok cook. My grand-ma was very good. The main thing she though me, though not in those words is mise-en-place
>Get all the ingreiends out and lined up before you start
>Put them away as you use them
>Never realize midway you're out of something
>End with a clean kitchen

>>5591746
You should probably add to that; Wash as you go. It pisses me off no end that when my gf is waiting for her shitty chilli out of a jar to cook that instead of washing the utensils she's used already, she's standing around on facebook on her phone. Meanwhilethe entire sink is full of 2 days worth of dishes

>>5589375
a pot holder is not required to put a pan in the oven
she still ridicules me to this day

>>5591846
shit i used to be deathly afraid of burning myself by accidentally touching the rack when i was a little kid. shit's a legitimate concern.

now i just give no fucks, though. been burned enough to stop caring

>>5589490

That's bullshit, it's only the upper low and mid-class that cater to conventional norms. Upper class does what it wants, and in my family, that's cursing a lot.

>inb4 plebs and poorfags try to justify their conformity

Swearing is great, you pussies

My mom can't cook at all. I lived on take out for my entire childhood.

>>5589490
>It's not that hard to be semi polite when you have guests over
It feels so fake whenever my family does this, having to plan everything out and how they interact when guests are in the house.

>>5589490
Sounds like you hang out with lots of white trash, sorry about that.

Also, sorry you can't have genial conversations and banter with your parents, I'm sure they find your presence as awkward and constricting as we all do now.

My mother can't really cook. She's getting worse as she gets older too because she's losing confidence in her abilities as they are.

My mom once knew this lady that used to roll a whole stick of butter in sugar and fucking eat it. She called it a "shame stick"

>tfw I can barely remember anything my mother taught me

She's actually a pretty adequate cook, just not the type of person to impart sage wisdom. I helped with dinner a lot, but her idea of help was having me chop the veggies while she watched her soaps. So I guess I can thank her for my knife skills?