/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>5515809
>Wake up late
>Only have an hour before work
>Gotta take a huge dump
>Eating breakfast will take time away from that and might make me late
>Go to the kitchen
>Grab bag of bagels
>Grab tub of cream cheese
>Go to the bathroom and open tub
>"Shit, forgot a knife to spread it"
>Too late, already started to take a dump
>"Fuck it, I'll just spread it with my hands"
>Dropping deuces while spreading cream cheese with my hands
>Dropping deuces while eating bagels with cream cheese covered hands
>Goes to wipe ass with toilet paper
>Shit covered toilet paper is stuck to hand because of cream cheese
>"God fucking damnit"
>Pries it off with other hand
>"Screw this, I'll just use the shower
>Shower water mixes with shit and cream cheese
>Still make it to work on time
Feels good.

>>5515809
>Using the toilet without taking off your underwear
What the fuck is wrong with that girl?

Sometimes I check my email while drinking a coffee on the toilet.

http://www.discovery.com/tv-shows/mythbusters/mythbusters-database/fecal-matter-on-toothbrush.htm

tl;dr everything in your bathroom has poop on it
if you know this and still eat in the bathoom you're fucking disgusting

>girl shitting
nice try jews

>>5515843
>mythbusters
>source
lol'd

>>5515843
>muh microparticles

pussy detected

>>5515809
ive drank beer while pissing.

>>5515840
maybe she is into panty pooping

>>5515827
If this is true, go take a shit at work. You would literally be getting paid to shit.

>>5515840

Nothing. If she wishes to poop with her underwear on she is empowered to do that. The toilets must adjust to her. These current models that do not allow for panty pooping are privileged and made for the patriarchy. Look around sister, just another tool they use to keep us down.

>>5515809

I have never spent enough time on a toilet to justify having other things to do besides what I am on the toilet for,

>>5515827
>Shower water mixes with shit and cream cheese

Recipe thread?

>>5515909

They deduct time spent on bathroom breaks from pay there.

>>5515840
>not into freebleeding, freepooping, freepeeing girls
What's the matter? Letting your underwear fill with excrement not patriarchal enough for you?

>>5515922

>>5515843
>not having a plastic cover on your toothbrush head

>>5515851

>>5515909
True story. Also, see this >>5515912

>>5515911
I dunno, mang. It's pretty simple.

>>5515904
what cartoon is that?

Ive eaten ice cream on the shitter before; and sunflower seeds in the shower. Feels John Goodman

>>5515809
I really only drink beer on the shitter. But I once ate a bowl of cereal was shitting.

>>5515950
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W0Co408pyEM

good question

>live in shitty studio apartment with gf
>bring home food on my way home from work
>she already made dinner so she got mad at me
>instead of going outside and eating I locked myself in the bathroom and ate my food in there

She's a cunt at times but the pussy game is ridiculous

>>5515950
google no pico

>>5516073
You just switched the words gf and mom, didn't you?

>>5515843

those same particles are everywhere on public transport

a thin, micriscopic and completely invisible flim of poop coats almost everything in the world.

oh also there are like billions of flying insects that are really high up in their air continually shitting down onto the earth.

>>5516073

>but the pussy game is ridiculous

fuck off to tumblr with the rest of the white kids who think talking like that is funny

>>5516123

funny?

you're just socially retarded.

>>5515809
Don't eat there but one time before an important exam that I hadn't studied enough for, I was cramming, needed a shit, and because every minute counted I walked down three flights of stairs, walked to the toilets, found a cubicle, took a big shit, and walked back, all while nose deep in a book.

>>5515840
>girl
>sarah silverman who is is nearly 50 years old

Every publicity photo you see of her is calculated to make her look like she's attractive and in her 20s. This couldn't be further from the truth. Pic related, it's what she actually looks like.

>>5516133
I'd hit that. She sat on my lap once at some show in LA

>>5515842
I do this every single morning

>>5515912
That's pretty barbaric. Ya'll niggas need to unionise.

>>5516133
>implying most real girls in their 20s don't have an ass like that.

enjoy ur eurpeteenporn dude.

>>5515809
Better to eat on the toilet than shit in the fridge.

>>5515910
you're a fucking dick

I like to keep shitting and eating separate
Besides, I don't shit often enough or long enough to require multitasking on the shitter

>>5515809
yeah, it's really not comfortable or as convenient as you would think

>>5518431
Why would anyone think that would be either comfortable or convenient?

I did it once.
Nothing ever felt so wrong.

she has her underpants on
never knew a girl who did this

>not just having your ass glued to your cushioned toilet seat as you shitpost 24/7 and your qt gf feeds you

>>5518562
>qt gf
That's quite a way to describe your mother, anon

>>5515809
I mightttt drink coffee or work a puzzle in the newspaper, or read a kindle. No food, however. That's nasty, and probably only excusable if it was put in your mouth before you sat down, like a bite of your breakfast before the shower, and another bite after the shower. Additionally, you should not

OP, it's bad news to sit on a toilet for long stretches, and there's e.coli that mists and settles on things in your bathroom, from your toothbrush, to every surface nearby within 5 feet. So, yea, that's gross.

Used to play the clarinet while taking a shit.

That was an interesting phase.

>>5516133
You're dumb. She looks fantastic, for 20, or for her age.

>>5518596

You're dumb or are some kind of raging feminist who can't accept that women don't age as well as men.

She looks how an average middle aged woman who isn't a hambeast, who has $$$$ worth of photography experts and makeup artists can make her look if her career depends on it. These women are a dime a dozen in any upper middle class neighborhood, with their little dogs and still clinging to fashion styles aimed at women half their age creating an uncanny valley effect when you walk closer to them and realize they're hiding something.

Does she look better than your dumpy fat mom? Of course. Does she look better than an attractive 20 year old? Fuck no.

>>5518596
you aren't a hetero male, are you

>>5516133
Holy shit, imagine your pelvis just slamming into her ass over and over with a deathgrip on both her asscheeks.

Sometimes I will grab something big that fills my mouth completely and will take me a while to chew and finish chewing it on the toilet.

>>5518596

>You're dumb. She looks fantastic, for 20, or for her age.

No

post more qt's on the toilet pls :3

>>5518964
dont you ever just want to fuck bitches right after they shit?

>>5518596
This is just typical 4chan, fat ugly losers judging attractive women for any flaw.

I'd love all the guys posting how horrible she is to post a timestamped photo of themselves. I'm sure you're all real winners who definitely don't live in your parents guest room.

>>5519281
because some one who is ugly or fat cant tell whether someone is attractive or not? You'd think they'd have lower standards if anything

>>5519281
Keep dreaming uggo

>>5519281
I really wish for a /ck/ "rate thread" where we all just post a picture of ourselves. I always wonder what the people that come here look like. This is my favorite board.

>>5519329
prob like the rest of 4chan

>>5519329
Or we could not, because this isn't an outlet for your attention whoring

>>5516073
how beta can you get

lock self in bathroom like bitch
be sub to a bitch for some pussy

next time go to the top of a very tall building and jump off. you will get to experience what its like to be free for a few moments.

>>5515840
shes a jew.

The number one place I read cookbooks and get recipe ideas is the toilet.

>>5516133

i love pale girls... but that's just not good for me at all

>>5515809
My brother's roommate used to leave his breakfast plates on the bathroom counter. Since he was shitting while eating, we named it "Sheating". Gross, buddy. Not for me.

I knew I saved this for a reason

>>5515842
You have a computer in your bathroom?

>>5515909
Literally? As opposed to the figure of speech "getting paid to shit"?

>>5523780

It's still good it's still good..

>>5516123
this

>>5516133
Take This Waltz. That's director Sarah Polley, who played the little girl Sally in Baron Munchausen.

>>5523797
Well the chips maybe, why could he have just placed the burger on top of them?

>>5516133
She's 43. That's not really "nearly 50". That starts around 47.

>>5523780
Ew! Why not set the burger on the fries?? Or your leg even?

>>5515840
maybe she's just going number one and just yanked her panties to the side. You've never done that? I do that shit allthe time because my toilet is really goddamn cold in the morning. Only downside is that if you do it a lot you can warp out your girlfriend's panties and then she gets mad at you because you were wearing them when you promised you'd re devote your life to jesus.

>>5515809
I haven't eaten on the toilet, though I regularly take my drink into the bathroom when I'll be there for the long haul.

>>5523840

fuck you guys, I'd totally let Sarah Silverman call me her little sissy bitch while she's pegging me.

>>5523783
Your not being serious right, you can't possibly.

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