/ck/ - Food & Cooking

made myself some breakfast, and my shitty roommate was staring at me in disgust the whole time. what's the big deal if I like olives. I'm so glad i've been jizzing into his hair conditioner daily.

>>5379321
My female roommate has been jizzing into my hair conditioner? Shit just got interesting

My roomate just burns everything. Leaves burnt pans everywhere, never eats his leftovers and leaves them in the fridge for weeks, never cleans the burners so they all smoke, and has spilled so much in the oven that its a smoky, unusable mess. The whole kitchen is just a pain to be in now.

My owner used me to fry some eggs today, her faggot roommate was just staring at me. At one point he even tried to touch my handle. Hopefully the teflon kills him soon

I dunno, i've never really had roommates, but if I did i usually clean up after myself right away.

Except when drinking. I was building up piles of bottles so large, people were tripping over them every few seconds.

My old roommate's diet consisted of 99% takeout/fast food/eating out. The only time I saw him "cook" was when he made fried spam sandwiches.

>>5379337
That sounds like some sub/dom shit

Roomate had the audacity to call her heating up of junk food 'cooking'.

I had a roommate who tried to make macaroni and cheese on the stove with one of my Pyrex measuring cups.

Needless to say there was glass all over the kitchen.

>>5379313
>Two fried eggs and black olives
That sounds delicious. Too bad about the mayonnaise I guess.

My roommate (see Father) likes toast with butter and sugar.

Your female roommate is Rocco?

or are you Rocco?

If you are Rocco, where is my Watch_Dogs parody? Are the Gabe Newell of internet videos?

old roommate would put peanut butter and mayo on lettuce and fold it up and eat it

>>5379423
And you didn't kill them because............?

Every single roommate I've ever had has never cooked a thing in their life other than a sandwich or TV dinners. They eat out everyday.

It's funny, a female roommate got married and started trying to cook. Burnt eggs and poopy soup.... and she even posted that shit on facebook, as if she was proud of it.

One of my two current roomates is very obese and eats horrific things.

>Cuts shortening into cubes and eats it as a snack
>Dips bread in bbq sauce
>Eats whole packs of bacon in one sitting
>Eats cheese by taking bites straight from the brick, has no problem putting back a whole brick in one sitting
>Makes Mac n Cheese with more cheese then pasta
>Ranch sauce on fucking everything
>When eating salad, there is more dressing then salad in the bowl

>>5379458
>Cuts shortening into cubes and eats it as a snack
what

that isn't really all that different from the spread you make for egg and olive sandwiches. Except you use hard boiled chopped eggs and sliced green olives w pimento. You mix it up into a spread with a little mayonnaise, a bit of dijon mustard, and a dash of Tabasco.

>>5379313
I used to live with 2 catty female roommates. They weren't fat nor pretty, just bitches. They didn't do bad things to me, a male but they hated each other and couldnt wait until the lease was over.

The worst part was when one of them put some high fiber laxative in the others food...

>>5379458

Fuckin genetics, man.

Nothing you can do about them.

My roommates are pretty chill but one of them is a fucking kitchens worst nightmare.

>Pours cold water on pans hes heated on the stove for over 10 minutes because he "likes the steam"
>"cooking" is cold veggies in a saute pan with butter and garlic the butter is always burnt to the pan and it is always left on the burner
>eats ketchup and bread as a snack like in sandwich form
>turns bacon black then eats all of it "i like the crispyness"


I want to injure him

Dorm mates - two german exchange students
>boils pasta for half an hour
>drains and returns to cooking pot
>...covers in ketchup and eats with a spoon from the saucepan

I wish I was joking
Wtf germany

>>5379492
>>Pours cold water on pans hes heated on the stove for over 10 minutes because he "likes the steam"
Wouldn't that eventually warp the pan?

>>5379331
>My roomate just burns everything. Leaves burnt pans everywhere, never eats his leftovers and leaves them in the fridge for weeks, never cleans the burners so they all smoke, and has spilled so much in the oven that its a smoky, unusable mess. The whole kitchen is just a pain to be in now.
This is wow.

First of all, if the roommate is burning things? I guarantee he's leaving the kitchen unattended while cooking. He's going to burn your shit down.

I don't "clean burners" is this a thing? Maybe you mean he's frying at high temp and getting spitting oil on other burners? Or is he not washing the underside of pans and that is burning? Or actual food laying around (why is that being served and slopped onto burners, is it crumbs?).

WTF. Clean up.

>>5379485
Except, you know, diet and exercise.

>>5379539

naw nigga, genetics

nothing they can do

born that way

just gotta accept them

>>5379539

My roommate/fiance insists that you're making something "from scratch" if you do anything yourself, like making a cake from the box is from scratch because it's not a premade cake from a store. She eventually changed her mind and said that if 50% of the recipe was by my definition 'from scratch' then it all was. Meaning that if you baked a box cake but had to add oil and eggs, then it's a from scratch cake since 1/3 eggs 1/3 oil and 1/3 box mix.
Or boiling noodles and pasta sauce in a jar is from scratch... just stupid shit like that.
Her eating habits are horrible as well. She eats that marshmallow stuff right from the jar, devours whole boxes of peeps, refuses to drink water and only drinks pop or juice and insists the juice is healthy and she doesn't need water. She ate some mcdicks chicken nuggers the other day and drowned them in honey...

>>5379550
>that TOPIT in the fridge

oh god

>>5379765
Topics are cheap supermarket chocolate bars in Britain.

>>5379458
"Than", not "then", you cretin.

>>5379743
So, you're with her because...?

>>5379743
> fiance

Why?

>>5379780
>>5379782

She pays the bills and I get to stay home and generally do whatever I want. So yeah I let her eat however she wants, I mean she is the one buying all the food so I can't really complain, it's just gross the things she eats.

>>5379782
>>5379780
beggars cant be choosers

>>5379313
my roommate has adhd so he liked to come back with spaghettios and other shit and never clean it. he leaves the food out for like a week and just lets it sit there.

>>5379791
I'm sure it's gross the pounds she weighs, too.

>>5379458
Ranch is the bane of my existence and only fat people eat it.
>but hey anon I like ranch, especially on pizza xD
You're fat

>>5379815
My skinny-ass friend introduced me to pizza with ranch. We joke about him having a tapeworm.

>>5379813
I never asked her how much she weighs, not too terribly large. I can still wrap my arms around the largest part of her and interlock my fingers on th e other side. I'm bout the complete opposite though, 5 11 or so and weigh like 130 probably. Like you can see my ribs when I'm just standing normally.

>>5379829
>i can still reach my arms around

>and lock my fingers

She's fat. You should be able to wrap your arms around her and touch your fingers to the elbow of the other arm.

>>5379829
>I can still wrap my arms around the largest part of her and interlock my fingers on the other side.
>I'm bout the complete opposite though, 5 11 or so and weigh like 130 probably.
So, pushing three hundred, then.

>>5379815
The what of your existence?

>>5379829
i can see it now

>>5379849
Nah she's like a fifth of that. I guess now that I think of it I could move my arms around her and touch my elbows, I've never actually tried it...

>>5379858
You've never hugged your fiance...? Are you just making all this up?

>>5379815
I'm 5' 8'' 137 pounds and I eat ranch on pizza. When I make my own I put ranch and BBQ in the sauce.

>move in with roommate
>he goes grocery shopping for the first time
>comes back and tells me about awesome sale he found on mac n cheese
>kraft blue box, of course
>try to encourage him since he's just starting to feed himself
>"Cool, that'll be great"
>see him unload the rest of his groceries (read:beer)
>"Uh, did you get any butter and milk?"
>"...no? Why?"
>can't contain my laughter

He tried to make it with just water and told me it was awful.

>>5379313
>move in with qt grill roommate
>we go grocery shopping every week together
>she is kinda picky and doesnt like meat that much
>lots of playful teasing
>im picky too
>everynight we cook our own separate meals and eat together
>then we drink and clean the dishes together
>lots of playful banter
>tfw the most i ever got out of it was mutual oral sex
>tfw that was, and probably will be, the best relationship experience I will ever have

>hear roommate turn on stove
>Never get past 5 minutes without burnt smell wafting into my room

I would actually be happy to find out my roommate is mentally retarded, would actually explain it.

>can't understand where dishes go even though their places haven't changed in a year
>leaves the stove on
>leaves unwrapped frozen chicken lying in the freezer
>put beer bottles in the freezer and forgot about them
>only thing he can make is pasta and quesadillas, and does a shitty job at it
>once made enchiladas and offered me some, one of the top 5 worst things I've ever had
>doesn't clean the kitchen and does a shitty job with dishes

I show him the same respect he shows all my kitchen equipment, none.

>>5379942
>9942▶
>>hear roommate turn on stove
*tips fedora*

>>5379313
>come home
>roommate has decided to make "authentic" southern fried chicken for him and his bitch girlfriend
>has put ~3 cups of vegetable oil in my 12 inch cast iron
>dunked chicken thighs covered in batter in them
>made about 25 fucking pieces of fried chicken
>made macaroni salad
>"I fucked up the math and made enough for 8 people instead of 2, so now we have lots of macaroni salad"
>literally an entire jar of mayo in this fucking salad
>look in the fridge for some other food
>"where's the rest of the fried chicken?"
>"I put it in the freezer anon, it'll be great to pull out for a snack"
>Not a bad idea, can see myself having a KFC craving when drunk as fuck
>look in freezer
>roommate has put ~15 pieces of fried chicken in a large ziploc bag
>chicken has frozen together into one giant block
>needs a fucking icepick to be able to get even a small piece off
>when the ever loving fuck are we going to need 15 god damn pieces of frozen chicken?

>>5379952

what? Are you on of those autistic people I keep hearing about?

>>5379967
for your information, i am a true gentleman

>>5379966
more from the same roommate
>buys a slow cooker
>decides he is gordon fucking ramsay of the slow cooker
>gets projects in mind
>"anon I'm going to make beef barley stew!"
>uhh okay
>makes beef barley stew
>"I decided to add a bunch of tomatoes but now it's too thick"
>ughhh
>couple weeks later
>Whole chickens on sale at grocery store
>store has pretty high end meat
>these chickens look fucking dope
>roommate picks up a couple
>I really want to roast one, smoke the other (or freeze or whatever)
>roommate says he wants to make chicken noodle soup
>uhhhh okay
>come home
>he put entire chicken in the slow cooker
>raw
>no browning
>just fucking chicken
>added water, veggies (but no celery because he's a plebfag) and pasta
>didn't skim any fat
>literally filled ALL of our tupperware with chicken noodle soup
>froze it all
>half inch layer of fat on every tupperware container
>freezer packed full
>waste of an entire chicken

Former roommate of mine, absolutely disgusting person both in the kitchen and out.

>her dishes were never done
>stove was always filthy
>spatulas and other utensils beyond ruined
>whenever me or my other roomie would clean the kitchen she would magically make it filthy again
>once got some chocolate covered strawberries
>initially I thought fuck yeah
>3 weeks later, they're still in the fridge
>mold everywhere
>wtf bitch those things were like 30 dollars
>wasn't uncommon for other food to be left in the fridge beyond saving

And a personal favourite story of mine

>decides to make soup for me, my bro roomie, and our richfag friend
>I decide fuck this going out drinking with gf instead
>bro roomie going to join me later just wants to see our friend etc
>he brings over 2 bottles of wine
>disgusting roomie in question finished with this "soup" that I never saw or tasted
>bro says it was disgusting
>drinks the better part of the first bottle by herself with the soup
>...and then the entire second one
>pukes all over the stairwell
>bro and our friend have to clean that shit up
>bitch keeps puking over herself, has to be confined to the bathtub
>bro holding in so much laughter, takes a picture of the mess
>she literally says right before "No I still have my dignity!"
>this is around when me and gf get back
>richfag friend is visibly upset and leaves
>bro is laughing his ass off
>later that morning, she leaves for a vaycay or something, leaves the entire mess behind
>bro and I take all vomit-covered clothes and throw them out

To this day it baffles me how this disgusting cunt got into the Culinary Institute of America

>>5380028
I don't even know how to start with how much of a dipshit you are.

>>5380028
I understand you being mad at the second story, but I don't get how the first part is her fault. Why didn't you eat your strawberries man?

>>5380077
they weren't my strawberries, forgot to mention that they were hers. The 'fuck yeah' was misleading.

>>5380095
Oh okay, that makes sense then.

>Haven't been back in my home country for almost 10 years
>Finally get the funds to visit them for two months, don't tell anyone so it's a surprise
>Stay at my grandmother's house, and she calls the relatives to come over
>They bring like, 6 bags of Tostitos and other chips
>They didn't bring dip
>They find out I went to culinary school
>OH OH MAKE US SOMETHING ANON
>Okay, let's make 'em some stuff
>Make Pico de Gallo, some Bruschetta mix, spinach dip and hummus, let 'em sit in the fridge
>Movie time
>heat up spinach dip
>bring out the rest
>they dig in
>"Anon, what is this? This tastes like what the drunks eat at the bars and street corners."
>They barely touch it, and gives me fake smiles saying how it's delicious
>They get a call from my other cousin, who's coming home from work
>"YO ANON'S HERE, WE GOT CHIPS, GO GET THE USUAL, WE FORGOT."
>comes home
>It's literally 2 bottles of Thousand Island dressing
>They pour it into one big bowl
>They devour it in minutes
>They "accidentally" send the 4 bowls of dip to the dishwasher

Fucking Philippines, never again.

>>5379780
this some nasty ass coffee dee dee
i hate you so much but the pussy game ridiculous

> roommate was west Virginia poor
> she used to eat lard sandwiches

I nearly puked.

however she taught me how to make proper southern tomato sandwiches

>>5379423
Peanutbutter/mayo/lettuce sandwich!! HOLY SHIT I HAVE NOT HAD ONE OF THOSE IN FOREVER. That's some depression era food shit. So disgustingly tasty if you're starving. I don't think I've had one since I was like 7 and we just had got off food stamps.

>>5379330
maybe she has one of dem feminine dicks
have you ever reached into "her" pants to check?

>>5379313
So?
I mean it's not like he sodomized your kitchenware or something.
Hell, olives and eggs are good you little shitstain.

>>5379458
>read posts like this
>eat way healthier and still fat as fuck

I'm not gonna say genetics...

But come on.
Eating like that would probably kill me

>>5379494
The Versailles Treaty banned good food. Thanks kikes.

>>5379337
>My owner

>mfw all these horror stories are EXCLUSIVELY American stories

>>5380351
When you live in constant fear of imprisonment or murder via muslims, a little baked on food seems kinda...

Homey.

>>5379499
It depends on how much water - just a splash to make a bit of steam isn't going to do anything because it's not going to affect the temperature of the pan.

>>5379313
Such horror, bet you had to take an extra dose of your autism meds after that.

>>5380210
Maybe you can't cook as good as you think you can...cause even fat people like spinach dip

OP here. I read and enjoyed every post in this thread. Thanks bros.
And for those that think I'm complaining about nothing, yea, I pretty much am since nothing she eats affects me in any way, but still, the shit this girl puts in her mouth... what the holy fuck...
She'll do the whole eggs over hard bit, with mayonnaise or ranch pretty regularly for breakfast (She is one of those people that puts ranch on fucking every thing).
She'll take a bag of blue corn chips and dip them in straight up mayonnaise mixed with sea salt (that's a "meal").
She gets pizza and tears it apart with her fingers, and dips every bite in ranch. Usually that's dinner, and then the other half of the pizza for breakfast.
Pretty often she's got ice cream on deck and eats it as a meal on its own.
One time she tried making broccoli cheese soup, fucked it up so badly it turned out as a vaguely cheese flavored starchy broth with next to no broccoli in it.
I often share my food with her, and usually condiments are a household shared item, but once she walked into the kitchen as I was using a few drops of sriracha that apparently she had purchased (and literally never used, too busy poring mayo and ranch on everything) and wouldn't talk to me for 3 days.
She'll drink straight shots of svedka and "chase" them with soy milk (I don't even).
Oh and yea she's that roommate who is oblivious and that thinks shes the only one who does any housework like taking out the trash and doing dishes, and vocalizes that opinion constantly to the rest of us.
It's kind of a miracle she's not a land whale with the amount of mayo, ranch, pizza, and ice cream she downs.

>>5379791

i mean... do you even like her?

marriage. i mean fuck's sake. asked why you're with her, you say it's cause she pays the bills, not because you love her for this or that. and you are marrying her.....?

divorce rates people, this is why they are high.

>>5380378
naw dude....watching people eat this shit is maddening; not only is it disgusting...but watching it roll around in there slimy maws lubricated by mayo...vomitingwhores.webm

>>5380575
I like her now, I didn't always. It started as a way to just not be lonely. Lost my job, she is completely ok with me staying home and doing whatever I want. We get along very well and are very similar except when it comes to food and hobbies, like I like to do physical things, running, camping, geneally getting up and doing something where she prefers to stay inside and eat shit food and watch youtube and netflix when shes not working.
I'm not like taking advantage since she is ok with being the only one working, I stilll do odd jobs here and there, some seasonal things... she's even said if we ever have kids I can just be a stay at home dad. Works for me.

>>5380606
that sounds good and well. if you have no aspirations, hopes, dreams, desires, or preferences for anything in your life, you might as well live as a woman and let your spouse be a man

>>5380639
I do have aspirations and dreams, currently enrolled in college, not sure what I'll go for - just basic gen ed. stuff for now. As I said I do work odd jobs and make money but if I want to be lazy I can. Might not even be like this forever, hence the college. I do prefer to have a backup plan. I'm even technically employed by a temp agency so I consider that working for them, even if I'm not working every day. And I have past work exp, so it's not like my cv is blank.

My sister always puts shit on the stove and leaves the room. The fire alarm in the kitchen goes off about 3 times a week. She actually goes on here so I hope she sees this, being the kitchen horror she is

>macaroni cooking on stove
>leaves room
>fire alarm goes off an hour later
>holy shit this stuff is fused to the pot
>rest of it is mushy, disgusting mess
>sister runs out of room
>"lol oops i totally forgot about this ahahaha"
>leaves dirty pot in sink to soak
>2 days later it's still soaking
>wtf bitch I need to use the fucking pot are you serious
>clean that shit up, spend a good 30 min literally scraping the black burnt stuff off the bottom of the pot with a spoon
>she never thanks me for cleaning her mess

This exact story actually happened more times than I could count, often with varying types of pasta, rice, etc. I don't live with her anymore so my mother ends up cleaning after her now. Sometimes she's held accountable for her bullshit, but more often than not she gets away with it by getting frustrated, stomping around and yelling about how she's "letting things soak so she can clean them easier." The worst is when the alarm goes off at 3 in the morning and the neighbors can hear it.

>>5380516
>svedka and soy milk

>>5380652

Haha, you're a fucking loser dude.

>1 roomate is a cook in a good hotel
>2 frensh girls
>1 Spanish guy
>mfw I was the worst cook even thou I had my fair share of skills
Our national themed Dinners together were quite delicious.

>>5380653
>being underage

>>5379421
I really like it with butter and salt.

>>5379363
this = my current roommate if you replace spam with bacon

>>5379458
omg omg omg

>>5381072
Lol no she's actually 24. (older than me by 3 years) She's been pulling this shit for the better part of a decade now

>>5380210
Made flip inlaws awesome carbonara. only ingredients are smoked bacon, eggs, pasta, and black pepper. After one or two bites they mix in Mama Sita labuyo sauce and banana catsup.

Pucking Pilipinos

>>5380906

And shitting on him makes you so much cooler, right?

>>5379881
stfu thats not even bad if you use enough water
butter and milk is too rich for my blood

>>5381226

No, but it does make me feel better about myself and my non-loser lifestyle.

>>5379337
What

Please tell us more of.. whatever this is

>>5380288
>she used to eat lard sandwiches
The fuck? Poor West Virginian here, that's fucking disgusting.

I'm enjoying this thread, keep sharing guys

>>5381213
Pilifino, my priend.

>>5381213
>mfw jollibee website menu

>lived with a philistine
>make nice meals for the house, he just eats the starch (taters usually)
>get fed up
>every time I make nice food I make him spaghetti-os
>he likes em
>I get the stick out of my ass and stop judging him
>we're both happy

>>5380653
I have more about my sister. If I rake my mind I could write endlessly

misc shit:
>history of undercooking and overcooking meats
>strange concoctions in pots and pans, usually colombian-inspired dishes
>makes food, gets mad if anyone eats any, offended if they don't

>piles of dishes & utensils in her room
>so bad at one point no one else had anything to eat with

Once:
>sister had been gone for 3 weeks
>go into her room to get something of mine that she'd "borrowed' (read: stole)
>open yogurt container on dresser
>grey crystals sticking out of white yogurt
No idea what those were to this day

About 5 years ago:
>sister brings friends over to get drunk in her room
>one of them pukes wine into a hat
>hat gets gets lost in pile of clothes
>3 or 4 months later, blowflies exiting her room
>sister cleans up her room, finds hat
>crusty with dried vomit
>"lol anon come look at how gross this is"
>also discovers styrofoam cup left over from the same night
>maggots/larvae in wine remains

>>5382194
your sister is fucking nasty

>hopeless roommates
>they are both cooking when I get home
>oh boy this ought to be awful
>"what are you making?"
>"stir fry"
>well, at least there's no way they could fuck that up
>beef stir fry, carrots, capsicum, beans, broccoli
>bretty good, mitenotbshit
>watch them for a while
>meat goes in
>no onion, no garlic, no ginger
>hold my peace
>always ends up in a huge fight whenever I try to give them kitchen hints (like the time I tried to show them how to use a knife so that they wouldn't slice their fingers off if something went wrong)
>meat cooks, begins to stew in its own juices
>urdoinitwrang
>add vegetables
>go to cupboards
>"we don't have any soy sauce"
>oh fuck
>watch them try to improvise
>barbecue sauce for a base
>"what else can we put in?"
>"rosemary?"
>oh god no pls don't
>huge handful of dried rosemary
>"thyme goes with rosemary, doesn't it?"
>huge handful of dried thyme
>roommate doofus no.1 goes back to chopping board
>whips out huge bunch of cilantro
>fuckfuckfuckfuck she wouldn't, would she?
>chops roughly
>puts about 2 cups of cilantro in the stir fry
>serve it up
>"we forgot to do rice"
>make my excuses and leave so as not to have to eat that

Later they at least admitted it was truly disgusting.

>>5382194
I've never wanted to hit a woman I've never met until just now.

>>5380652
I know this is 4chan and all, but srsly, come on now.

All I have to say to you guys is this:

When you move out, if you're moving out with other people/moving out into a house that already has tenants, don't let your dick do the deciding. Living with women is the worst. Somehow it's always the girls that are slobs, leave messes everywhere (not just in the kitchen but all over the house) and they can be total cunts about things like mowing the lawn - which is obviously a MANS JOB - and doing any cleaning at all. Somehow mowing is a man's job and cleaning is... a man's job too?

Don't let your dick decide. Move out into a house that looks like it gets cleaned regularly, and more guys than girls is preferable.

>>5382315
you haven't been on 4chan long enough

>brother wouldn't clean room, ever
>one day helping brother clear off desk
>moved pile of stuff
>suddenly hit with terrible stench, rotting shit-smell
>it was a cup of grape juice that hadn't been touched in forever
>mother had formed on top
>grape juice was now wine

>>5380288
>however she taught me how to make proper southern tomato sandwiches

And now you're going to share that with the rest of us, right, anon?

>tfw when I'm at PAX and Rocco slaps my girlfriend's ass

>>5379458

>shortening

Well fuck. That guy is fucked.

>Bread

Eh I'd do that too.

>Whole packages of bacon

Well that is way too much salt, but if he did that only twice a day(with no other food) he'd probably lose weight if he's a fatty.

>East a whole brick

Same as before

>More cheese than mac

That actually might be more healthy.

>Ranch sauce on everything

Fatty fatty two by four
can't fit trough the kitchen door.

>more dressing than salad

If they were using vinaigrette I could understand, but this person is definitely using ranch.

Really if the person here described only did 2 or 3 of the things listed per day with no other major calorie intakes they wouldn't be a fattie.

But obviously this person isn't.

That one about the shortening, Jesus Christ.

>white women only consume grease, salt, fat and cheese
>white men eat like white women but also make everything so spicy that you can't taste anything

Americans are disgusting

>>5379458
>Cuts shortening into cubes and eats it as a snack
incredible

I had a roomate who ate boiled macaroni with ketchup
found a ketchup crusted plate in the communal bathroom once

>>5379458
Shortening doesn't even have a flavor. It would be like eating a container of lard.

>>5382305
I did bullshit like this when I was ~20 and just learning to cook.

>>5380028
1) How the hell do you pay $30 for chocolate covered strawberries?!
2) CIA's not that good a school anymore (at least according to Bourdain)

>>5379313
Sounds like yuropoverty to me.

>>5379864
busted...

>one room-mates idea to cook roast turkey for easter
>not a bad idea
>all chip in for nice, pretty big turkey
>preheat oven
>room-mate puts it in the fucking oven with the shrink wrap on
>turkey and meal ruined

some people
>turkey ruined

Relevant. Not mine.

>>5383634
I love reading shit like this, it honestly makes me feel good about myself

>tfw you're 3276576876567 times smarter than these fucks

Such a guilty pleasure

>>5379313
I look remarkably like the guy in your pic op.

My room mates just eat my food. Fucking assholes.

>>5380216

>roommate drinks/eats that delicious slightly expensive item from the fridge you bought and either doesnt recompensate for it by buying new one or buys a shitty quality version that's similar
>"B-but anon i compensated you for it im sorry what more do you want you entitled prick?"
Can of shitty cheap light cola is not the same as imported can of fuckawesome root beer cream soda you fucking prick.

>>5384313
I think it's time for you to check your privilege

>>5384260
To be fair, the person just has horrible eating habits and can't cook. That doesn't necessarily make her dumb.

>>5384340
but cooking is incredibly easy

>>5382194
>>makes food, gets mad if anyone eats any, offended if they don't
women.

>>5383368
It's just that I always took it for granted that everyone would be able to cook at least a little. I could cook better than most adults by the time I was 16, so I sort of assumed that when I moved out at 20 that the other 20 year olds I was living with would at least know some basic meals.

>9 months ago
>old housemate leaves
>new one moves in
>she's 5.5/10 in the face on a good day but has a decent body
>come out to her first morning in the house to find her eating a brownie for breakfast
>it's funny because we all did some stupid shit when we first moved out and our parents were't there to tell us to eat properly
>"topkek brownies for breakfast" etc etc

>the next day she eats a normal breakfast

>a week later she eats two brownies for breakfast
>okay

>it starts to become a habit
>gets to the point where she is making a batch of brownies every ~3 days because she eats one or two for breakfast, takes some to work, and has some at night after dinner
>should I say something? she gonna get fat and her body is all she really has to balance out that face
>don't say anything because that's fucking rude

>9 months later
>4.5/10 in her round face on a good day, beginning to be able to feel her shake the house when she walks
>in a few short months without parental supervision she has gone bushpig mode
>feel like I should have done something about that brownie habit

Seriously, the brownies she made were absolutely god-tier, but they contained a full block of chocolate, a fuck load of sugar and more butter than I'd be able to use in years of having it on toast. And she was eating about 3 batches per week.

>>5384372
>gosh why isn't everyone as intelligent as I am
tips fedora

>>5384405
Bullshit. Cooking has little enough to do with intelligence.

It's about attitude. I soon discovered that a lot of the guys I was living with thought of cooking exclusively as a woman's task yet were dumbfounded by the fact that they needed to eat more than instant ramen to survive, and most of the women I was living with had never learned because their parents had always done everything for them. I live with a girl whose mother would make her breakfast, lunch, and dinner when she was still at home.

Cooking is a life skill. And I took it for granted that others would share that opinion.

>>5384441
It's not even a skill. Yes, cooking in general is a skill. But just the basics of getting by? No skill at all involved. Especially in this age where everyone has access to the internet. You can just look up anything that you want to make and find detailed instructions and videos for how to do it.

I am a 30-year-old man working in a place with a lot of 20-somethings. Half of them eat nothing but microwave food. I thought it was because they were lazy and young and had no taste, but after a while I realized it was because they cannot cook ANYTHING. Not being able to cook anything at all is not normal. It's not the default setting. It's a disability. To be 20-something and have absolutely no idea how to even boil an egg is to be damaged, not a complete human being. These people also can't do anything basic that I grew up with. They can't fix a loose toilet handle. They can't paint a door. They can't change a tire.

We're not talking skills at this point. We're talking about just basically being able to get around.

>>5384441
I cant tell who's more ignorant, you for thinking everyone is just like you or the kids you're criticizing.

>>5384467
That's why I said it's a life skill. It's like you said in that it falls under the same category as how to change a tyre or know how to keep a house clean. People don't have to be great cooks, but being able to make a few healthy meals for yourself is part of being an adult. It's literally a case of not being able to cook is not good enough.

>>5384472
I don't expect everyone to be like me. I expect people - and we're talking about capable young adults who drive and have relationships and jobs - to be able to take care of themselves to some passable degree. Almost immediately after moving out I realised that my expectations were too high and have adjusted them accordingly.

Maybe I'm just a cunt but I don't see what's wrong with thinking that people who are living out of home will (should) know how to use a washing machine and cook spaghetti.

>>5384467
it has been my experience that a lot of ladies dont like to google things, and would rather be told what to do by a person. "babied", even

>>5384482
Im 18 live alone and cook/ work/ buy groceries and do everything myself. I feel you on that, my 21 year old partner lives with his mom and doesn't know how to feed himself or clean clothes or wash dishes etc. he asked me for directions on how to make a grilled cheese and put a bagged Cesar salad together.

>>5384489
i think its gotta do more with how you grew up.
living in the bay area i grew up with more computer stuff and it eventually just became easier to look something up instead of getting info from my family (who is fat as fuck and relatively uneducated)

2 boxes of offbrand Kraft mac and cheese
2 cans of Hormel chili
5 solids seconds of shaking black pepper
All eaten grossly warm because he walked away for a few minutes after it was done, then microwaved

>>5384482
You just sound like the average kid who posts on Reddit atheism.

>gosh everyone is so stupid
>why isn't everyone like me
>why are they such shit at cooking
>this stuff is so basic, anyone can do it

>>5384529
That's all well and good, but look at what it is you're defending.

Is that really what you want to defend? The people who would starve if not for Easy Mac?

>>5384529
>it's okay for people to not be able to look after themselves and anyone who thinks they should is just a high-and-mighty douche

Oh man, you present a good argument.

>>5384540
I'm not defending them, I'm just trying to make you realize you sound like an annoying cunt. Silently judging people and then throwing a hissy fit on the internet about how inferior the average person is compared to yourself. Cooking has made you euphoric.

>>5384522
does he also weigh over 300 pounds

>>5384544
I'm not the guy you were responding to, but he has a point. It's incredible that some people are so useless that they couldn't feed themselves if they had all the ingredients in the world but no fast food.

>>5384544
>>5384552
Also, the average person can feed himself. We're not talking about average people. We're talking about people who can't cook at all.

If this is average to you, then it is clear that you are one of these people. Why don't you just kill yourself?

>>5384544
That wasn't me, but...

>hissy fit
This is a thread to make fun of room mates. I was making fun of my room mates for making something so gross. We're off on a tangent about how my original expectations of people's cooking skills were way too high.

I'm the roommate that eats your food and never does dishes. I used to feel bad but I stopped giving a fuck after one of my roommates left passive aggressive notes around the house last year. Fuck em

>>5379313

It's not like you had to watch. You weren't putting up with slob behaviour at a restaurant or anything, just turn away, fuck.

> Roommate decides to try the "nuke it from orbit" style of cooking steak.
> 500 degree oven, cast iron skillet.
> "Don't put oil in the pan dude, it'll burn".
> "Okay anon!"
> Smoke alarm
> "Oh, I marinaded the steak in olive oil, I thought that would be fine"
> MFW
> rush the pan outside.
> Campo & a Firetruck comes.
> giving the officer our information, look to get his attention.
> he's out back eating simultaneously raw and burnt steak

Oh, and another time...

> Light breakfast!
> 8 strips of bacon
> good inch of grease in the bottom of the pan.
> pours scrambled eggs in pan
> more grease than egg, it just sort of flows over the egg.
> they come out grey.
> leaves concoction on stove for days.

That was my skillet, man.

>>5384567
I'm not your roommate but if I ever meet you I will rape you in the ass until you shit butter.

>>5384577
You know how when some people drive past a car accident they feel compelled to slow down and look? They know it holds up traffic but they can't help themselves.

>>5384557
>If this is average to you, then it is clear that you are one of these people. Why don't you just kill yourself?
And straight to threats, you are a true autist. I'm not one of those people, everyone has incompetent roommates at some point in their life. Their lack of cooking skills just never bother me enough to sperg out about them over the internet. I also realized before I was 20 years old that people are lazy.

>>5384591
>And straight to threats, you are a true autist.
I wish you would learn to read. Or is this supposed to be bait? Either way, this is my last response to you, it's clear your heart isn't in this.

>>5384578
well at least his skills seem really fixable. a few epis of good eats and hes good to go

>>5384592
To read what? That you labeled me as an invalid who cant cook so I so kill myself? I read that part. I told you to be less of an autist and lighten up. I'm surprised it has taken you over 20 years to realize that people aren't good at cooking, especially college students. The ramen and pizza stereotype exists for a reason, you fucking idiot.

>>5384601
Err... that wasn't me either.

Let's boil it down to this: you misinterpreted my meaning because conveying meaning through plain text is hard.

I don't look down on people who can't cook. I don't hold everyone to my own standards. What I'm saying is that I was surprised to find that my room mates had quite so little culinary ability because it's really not that difficult and being able to cook for yourself is kind of important in the scheme of general life skills. I knew before then that cooking wasn't everyone's thing, and I knew not to expect to move into a house where every night was some kind of decadent feast, but my expectations were still too high.

i hate green text but I don't know how to tell a story to save my life.
>19 male live with 2 off the lease stoners
>they've been almost entirely missing the last week
>bring girlfriend to my house to make out a little and have a little pregame before a party we're attending
>front entrance way has signs of shitty ecstasy driven finger painting with black and white paint.
>they're in the living room with 2 people I don't know free basing meth
>just ignore it and feel relieved they're not 14 y/o's and didn't use all the white paint.
>tell gf to just go to my room and ignore this shit, she does
>go to the kitchen to get 2 glasses and a bottle of wine
>entirely trashed, dirt everywhere wine is gone
>okay vodka then, vodka gone too
>schnapps then, schnapps gone
>think to myself "I'll just deal with this shit when they're sober... no point in trying to get reimbursed now"
>my hidden rum flask is all that's left
>look for shot glasses, none
>fine well just do swigs
>go upstairs have some quiet dinky time with girlfriend
>go back downstairs decide to brush my teeth before we go to the party.
>brush teeth, reach for mouthwash it's gone
>that it I'm bout to give these assholes a piece of my mind
>walk out into the living room to find a mass of passed out people and throw up
>I notice a giant punch bowl in the corner
>inside is a horror I could not have imagined...
>all my alcohol, mouthwash had been dumped in here
>my cilantro and mint plants were also in there with the roots still attached dirt from it collected in the bottom
>5 dollars worth of frozen berries
>a dried herb I can best guess is wormwood
>the schnapps were ginger flavored
>roommate comes out his stupor just long enough to insist I try some of his "homemade absinthe"

>come home with two roommates after heavy drinking
>only just able to walk straight
>roomie no.1 announces that he hasn't been eating very well lately and decides he needs more fiber
>gets lettuce out of the fridge, sits up to table and just starts eating it
>we all join in

Best lettuce ever.

>>5383363
At least lard has a hint of delicious pig flavor. Shortening would be like eating soft candle wax.

>>5384581
Whatever. My roommates are spoiled brats with a crazy sense of entitlement. My parents never gave me anything yet they get their food, rent, schooling and everything else paid for.

I don't give a shit about being a slob and eating their food. Those little self-absorbed fucks deserve a little bit of stress in their lives. I'm their karma.

>>5384601
>all of this flipping out
no anon, you are the autisms

Had a roommate who literally had no sense of taste/smell (it was definitely smell, but not super sure about taste) so he ate food for texture, leading to some weird combinations, and for /fit/ purposes, which resulted in steamed vegetables and beans every night, which somehow stank to high heaven.

My other roommate was Chinese and one time put the pot on for ramen, left it, didn't actually add any water in it, and burned the shit out of it.
It was my pot.

Collectively these roommates had bought a large bag of potatoes and left it in the pantry and promptly forgot about it, causing it to rot, liquefy, and also host a fruit fly colony, that took several weeks to completely eradicate. Absolutely disgusting.

They also bought TAB once at a grocery just because it was there, decided it tasted awful (obviously... it expired in like 2005 or something) and then poured it on these mushrooms growing outside, which also killed them.

I lived with these assholes for 3 years, all so that I didn't have to share a bathroom with anyone.

>>5384522
Hello Wildcats

>>5385522
>I am become death

i appear to have drowned the memories of the disgusting food we used to make with alcohol and marijuana so i don't even remember

one time i tried to make ramen with eggs like they do at hibachi
i was feeling confident too so i made like 12 packages of it, was planning on feeding the whole party
it was horrible

>>5379313
I did have a roommate once for a couple of years in NYC, it wasn't in school or anything. But his kitchen was nasty. I saw a fucking roach fall off of a cubbord once. So for the time I was there, I never cooked anything in that kitchen. I moved away to my own place as soon as I could.

He could have made that a really nice apartment given it's location, but he lost the desire to care.

>>5386994
>>5385522
if you stare too long into the abyss, you become the abyss itself

in other words don't eat other people's food you fuckhead, even if they're entitled shits that doesn't entitle you to their shit you entitled shit

>>5385522
Get over yourself, this isn't a communist world. Some people have more money than you do. Your jealously will destroy you and turn you into a bitter old fuck.

Just make your own money. Regardless of what the occupy wall street types say, it really is up to you here in the USA. If you want to be poor fuck all your life and blame others and live off of minimum wage go right ahead, nobody's stopping you.

The world needs ditch diggers too.

>>5382904

Waitin on those tickets to go live

>>5385522
>I'm their karma.

if you really want to talk about karma, even if your actions were a karmic consequence of their lifestyles, that doesn't make you exempt from your own retaliative karmic reaction; if you choose to act in the name of another's karma, karma will bite YOU in the ass.

because you, my friend, have one crazy fucking sense of entitlement.

>>5387057
Fuck that crap from india, karma, that's what the lower castes there invented so as to keep themselves lower castes and the upper castes there use that to keep it that way.

Fucking karma and ghandi, they're not worth pissing on.

This is the USA, not india.

>>5384641
get out of that house

As far as food goes, my roommate isn't bad at all. In fact, he essentially goes out to eat for all meals, and I think it's been months since he actually touched anything in the fridge or pantry, so the kitchen is essentially my domain.

That said, he'll occasionally buy groceries and then NEVER touch them. I grew up in a very frugal household and the frivolous waste of food bugs me. He'll buy bananas and apples, let them sit out for weeks, and in a month or two he'll realize they're completely mush (if I haven't tossed it personally.) Same applies to bread, pitas, etc. Shit, he currently has a bag of onions that have been out so long they've SPROUTED and the plants from each are about 8 inches long now. And there are bell peppers and broccoli in the fridge that have been wrapped up in bagged for weeks/months now, and I'm afraid to even open those bags up to see the horrors inside.

>>5387077
>bag of onions that have been out so long they've SPROUTED and the plants from each are about 8 inches long now.
hey its late april
throw it in the ground and let em sprout
onion flowers are actually beautiful

The British, especially the English love that karma shit too. Everyone has his purpose and everyone in his place.

Fuck that. That shit doesn't wash in the USA and you know it. Fuck your karma shit.

The English use that as well to keep others down. I don't know who invented that karma shit first but I do know they can fuck off from the USA.

>roommate bought protein powder even though he's DYEL
>my own personal supply ran out
>starting taking his little by little
>pretty sure it's obvious I'm taking it
>fucks given: zero

>>5387069
Karma is an interpretation of the great balancing act of the universe. It is, you know, universal. Pay attention to cause and effect in every nook and cranny of life and you'll see it.

My old flatmate used to think that your body doesn't need any nutriment apart from fats, carbs and sugars, or something ridiculous.

He browsed /fit/ and needed protein so all he would do is cook like half a kilo of chicken and dump half a jar of mayonnaise on it and have it on rice or pasta. He could never finish it so he used to eat half and have the next it the morning or whatever.

>>5387145
>My old flatmate used to think that your body doesn't need any nutriment apart from fats, carbs and sugars, or something ridiculous.
Those are the macronutrients. There are also micronutrients, which will be obtained anway even in a sparse diet such as that along with a multivitamin

>>5387163
yes, but do you believe that you could actually be healthy on that kind of diet?

>>5387192
You are aware that food is just various combinations of macro and micro nutrients, right? If you're hitting your targets properly then you're fine.

Oh, and half a kilo of chicken a day is going to be roughly ~130g of protein, which is near what is recommended for optimal protein synthesis and muscle gains.

>>5387208
mihail

>>5387011
Any and every apartment in New York will be host to vermin at some point, be it roaches, rats or mice. My apartment in Brooklyn is as clean as a whistle and I still find roaches occasionally.

>>5387096
Just googled onion flowers. Damn, those things are pretty cute

>>5383346
You are ill-informed.

>>5387375
yup, women eat vegetables and stuff so they can feel better about the copious amounts of sugar they consume.
Men here eat like children...

>>5384641
>cilantro and mint plants were also in there with the roots still attached dirt from it collected in the bottom
>"homemade absinthe"

Made my fucking day, anon.

I hope you moved away from these crazy sons of bitches.

>>5387383
shit yeah... unfortunately I was not able to move soon enough. Cops got me with "maintaining a drug house" took a plea to get it down to just possession. Turns out they made an unknown amphetamine so they couldn't get busted for meth. The cops went after me because by the time they got to them they were all so fried they could not be prosecuted because they're all unfit to stand trial. All and all it was 3k (2 in attorney fees) and 120 hours of community service. Funny thing was at that point in time I had never paid for or owned a bag of weed in my life.

>visiting my sister and her family this week
>wake up as my niece and nephew (8 and 10) are eating breakfast before school
>full stock of healthy shit in the fridge and pantry (apparently just for show)
>their mom is too lazy to cook, so she gave them S'Mores Poptarts, Doritos and Dr. Pepper.
>S'mores Poptarts, Doritos, and Dr. Pepper.
>for 8 and 10 year old's breakfast
>at 7:30 a.m.
Jesus.
>Later that night
>"Anon, is Domino's pizza okay for dinner?"
>they order two larges and two 2 liters of coke
>Toppings: Pepperoni, Breakfast Bacon, Sausage and Extra Cheese
>mix up mayonaise and ketchup on a plate to dip the pizza in

>>5387393
>never did/owned drugs
>took the plea
dumb.

>>5387408
>Doritos, and Dr. Pepper
as an american i never understood how some people eat junkfood and soda in the morning.

poptarts seem okay as a to-go option or occasional treat if you really want something sweet in the morning

>>5385522
>Whatever. My roommates are spoiled brats with a crazy sense of entitlement. My parents never gave me anything yet they get their food, rent, schooling and everything else paid for.
>I don't give a shit about being a slob and eating their food. Those little self-absorbed fucks deserve a little bit of stress in their lives. I'm their karma.
lol what the fuck bro

>>5385522
You sound like a colossal faggot. I bet you jerk off to ayn rand and talk about what a "self-made man" you are, sitting there trimming your face pubes, popping zits and angrily typing like a fucking mastadon.

>>5387419
it was on my lawyers advisement (my lawyer was the former DA for that district) I'm pretty a sure a 15 year DA veteran knows when a case is fucked, better than some "thinks he knows his rights" faggot on 4chan.

>>5384641
Actually this was a quite well told story.

I sure am glad I don't have roomates like yours.
Mine is "vegetarian" (she occasionally has to eat chicken breasts since her doctor told her iron levels are too low), and constantly brags about how she isn't picky and likes all kinds of vegetables and fruits... except asparagus. And artichockes. And oranges, pears, mushrooms, and cabbage too. The list probably goes on.

Whatever my female flatmate is cooking, it's always with TONS of garlic.

>>5387974
used to live with this dude who sauteed everything with a shit ton of garlic basil and EVOO. Every time I smelled it I had to come downstairs and make sure the house was not on fire. Have had roommates who have the chronic of leaving the burner on. Told him it was a flavoring oil not a frying oil, even said I'd share more pure olive oil if he's into it. No, everyday a new mess of splattered olive oil on the stove and the smell that makes every cautious cook get panic attacks. The worst thing is that even after you clean the stove the oil soaks into the coils so there's a few plumes of white smoke no matter how hard you clean it.

>>5387714
I'm gonna side with you on this one. Your attorney knew that because you were aware your roommates were doing fucked up shit and you did nothing but collect rent off them, you were guilty of criminal negligence. Lots of US law is based around the idea of aiding criminals, and it's hard for you to argue you didn't know better because if you provided the specific supply for affordable and lenient housing necessary for drug producers to do their craft. There's a good reason why no-tell motels are such a niche market

>>5381233
Are u not happy with your non-loser lifestyle? Do u feel like naggin on others makes it better, then u have a pretty pretty shitty life & personality.

>>5386126
Nope he has an fair point.

>>5379829
massive beta

>>5379803
That has nothing to do with adhd. If thats his excuse don't listen, he is just lazy as fuck. I'm diagnosed with ADHD too (soo rare soo yoookneek)

>>5379829
Dude, ditch that shit while it is still fiance and not wife. Otherwise I guarantee you will an hero within 5 years.

>>5380351
90% of this board is mericano doe

>>5388561

yes but 90% of the shitposting is australian.

>>5380351
Who the fuck is his guy in the pic? He has a weird ass name and I can't google him without knowing it. Its muh favorite meme and I want to see more.

>>5388622
spurdo

>>5387069
actually sir, this is the internet.

>>5388561
I used to think that, but after paying more attention to what time posts are made, spelling variations (favOUrite, tYre), use of metric system, etc. I am now convinved that there is a very strong and definitely very vocal British element here, not so much Murkins. They're here no doubt lurking, maybe just too lazy to post or too busy laughing at everyone laughing at them, but absolutely no way they are "90% of the posts".

All is lots

>>5379458
I believe some of that isn't true.

>>5388701
>convinved
wut?

>>5388701
>>5388561
50% is American, 25% is British.

A random British person is more likely to browse 4chan than a random American person.

>>5390553
the c and the v are right next to each other on the keyboard, get over it

>>5388701
Yeah but like
Almost all countries use the metric system aside from Murrika, and Canada uses those same spelling variations (well, maybe not tyre).

>>5379915
>Move in with a girl without having actual sex

What the fuck man

>>5380652
It's kind of sad how you've just kind of let your life fall into whatever position you think is comfortable without "truly" wanting it.

Everyone "wants" to be lazy until they get to be. Don't trap yourself in a life with kids and love that you aren't 100% with and are just in there because you're being supported like a child.

>>5390878
At least he got a blowjob, but yeah that is pretty sad.

>>5379845
he sounds like a big guy

>be awesome
>spread peanut butter on toast
>slice up a radish and put it on the peanut butter
>best fucking combination ever

Have some adventure in your life, op.

>>5385522
No anon karma doesn't flow on the same track time does read that The orange answer book.. You ever think maybe your past self had it rough because your future self was a cunt?

Ok actually talking shit but yeah nah you're a cunt. I hope those fleeting moments of satisfaction you get when you steal the food soften the constant assblastedness that is your existence. Also revenge is a 2 way street, harmless passive aggressive notes turn into semen in your shampoo and potatoes in your bed really quickly.

I got a few stories of my 2 flatmates from last year.
>first year at uni, meet flatmates first day.
>first dude grew up with rich parents, never really did anything himself, cant cook, doesn't clean.
>second is a quite korean kid, first day his brother comes and brings him food.
>not kidding, 120 cans of herbal tea, atleast 50 packets of ramen, and a huge bottle of some sauce(dunno what, I dont read korean)
>thats all he eeats the whole year, but at least he knows how to cook enough to keep him alive.
>im pretty anal about what I eat, having an organised and clean kitchen, and not wasting food.
>first dude would cook up a full pack of spaghetti(1kg uncooked), chuck some tomato sauce on it, wonder why it tastes shit, throws almost all of it out.
>I buy a bunch of sweet ribeye steaks when they were on sale, stick a few in freezer, few in fridge, decide to cook one up then and there.
>flatmate smells my glorius meat, asks if ivegot any more
>say sure, some in the fridge, being polite, as still didn't know each other to well
>bear witness to him get a skillet pretty much to red hot, weather an enourmous oil splatter, chuck TWO of my steaks in the pan, cook till solid black on the outside, puts them on the plate, comes sit with me at the table.
>cuts it open, still at least 50% raw
>I finish, go wash up, then go piss
>come back, hes gone, oil over three quarters of the kitchen, to steaks in the trash.
>he would also buy expensive as fuck bottles of booze, like $120 wine, $150 whiskey, then just mix it with juice and stuff.
> got heaps from this guy

>>5379881
I made a box of annies mac and cheese with just water since I had it and was out of milk(didn't put butter, don't use it in that). It wasn't so bad.

>>5391632
Tell us more

>>5382305
why do people who can't cook act like they can?

I've been cooking for 7 years and I still look up recipes for new stuff I want to try

>>5384467
how do you fix a loose handle?
I don't look inside toilets

>>5384578
my steak always make lots of smoke
just part of doing business m8

>>5387451
When I was in high school I would often have a glass of coca cola (tm) for the sugar and caffeine boost.

>toast with pb or eggs
>glass of milk
>glass of coke

>>5387393
that's what you get for being a scumbag

>>5379494
MAMA JUNE SKETTI

>>5391684
it's great with butter ya dingus

>>5393048

are you the only one anon who calls people dinguses?

>>5393113
nope

>>5393113
No I also say it, ya dingus

>>5379415
Is this a common misconception?

>Try my hand at making miso and other Japanese foods
>Roommate is awed that a baka gaijan can make something other than a sandwich
>Have half a bag of dried shitake mushrooms leftover
>Roommate puts them in a GLASS mixing bowl with some sake/rice wine concoction
>Just like my animes
>Places glass bowl on gas burner

Burnt my fucking secondary spice rack to a crisp.

My roomate is a white girl from a wealthy family of crazy hoarders. She never was taught basic adult survival skills, or how to cook.

Everything she eats is either fast food or microwave crap.

Slowly trying to teach her how to cook, and how to check prices and shit while shopping, what things are needed stocked at all times etc.

Every time i let her go shopping on her own, she comes home with brand name bullshit, fat and grease every where, potato flakes, kraft, hamburger helper, etc.

Drinks nothing but soda. room is always covered in half empty soda cans, half eaten bowls of crap.

About once a month she declares shes going to eat healthy

buys a few bottles of water and those fucking granola bars that are lathered in sugar

Goes back to mini pizza's almost immediately.

Wont say it to my face, but told a mutual friend that she hates going grocery shopping with me because I "take forever and buy crap we don't need" meaning I price check and buy ingredients instead of ready made

Can't wait for that lease to expire.

>>5393812
Is she da fatty?

>qt friend moves out of home and comes to live with us
>ultra-sheltered type, never worked a hard day in her life
>proudly proclaims that she can count the number of meals she's cooked herself on one hand
>ohboy
>she's eating some nasty-smelling microwavable ravioli that comes in a plastic cup with a sealed foil lid
>tell her to make sure she removes the foil
>why?
>explain why
>oh okay
>removes the foil, I leave the room
>suddenly, burning
>go back out
>she removed the foil from the ravioli cup monstrosity
>but then she mixed it with a fork and left the fork in the cup and then put it in the microwave

Ever met one of those girls who is a qt but stupid and you aren't sure if she'll make it to 25 before her stupidity gets her killed?

Nowadays I strongly believe in administering a basic intelligence test to any possible roommates.

>>5393833
actually no, by some insane force of nature, she's a solid 7/10 thin little blond white girl

got a very slight jew nose that stops her from being an 8/10

As annoying as her life style choices can be, she's kind of endearing.

one time I she came into my room at 1am and asked me all embarrassed how to make a grilled cheese.

She then proceeded to eat nothing but grilled cheese for about two weeks

She's also an anime nerd and calls me oniichan some times ironically.

tfw im pretty much living in a slice of life anime

>>5393845
Statistically, homos are a lot better than straightos at a lot of shit, like cooking

Are you gay? Is that it?

Sounds like you're a good room-mate, though; 7/10 would be comfortable around

>>5388575
Bullshit, most of the shitposting is retarded
>omg do clapistanis really do X?
followed by a much smaller amount of traffic the other way.

As an Australian, I like to think that the quality of our shitposting is better than this cheap, staid rubbish.

>>5393849
>Statistically, homos are a lot better than straightos at a lot of shit, like cooking
Provide the studies.

>>5393850
Yep most of the shitposting is from the other islandfats the english. Also from the shitty parts of urope

>>5393849
Heteroflexable

Have a qt3.14 gf who sadly lives with her mom, my roomy is her best friend

pic related, gf on right, roomy on left

>>5393859
damn, that jew nose does hold her back a lil

>>5393859
>>5393866

Eh, I dunno, I reckon slight imperfections make for more qt

>>5391707
>>5391632

K then

>flatmate 1 decides to have a party at our place
>decides to order 15 pizzas, $4.95 each, oh yeaaah
>only about half the original guest list turns up, so pizzas aren't finished
>he says he will deal with it, I leave him to it
>about a month later, start having a seeious roach and ant problem, so I investigate.
>find abot 10 pizzas, in boxes outside his bedroom window.
>he thought the rain would wah the cardboard away, and the pizzas would return to nature and heaps of other crazy shit
>still dont know if he was blazed when I asked him

>>5393902

Holy fuck that's mental.
Did you not have a freezer?

>>5393859
>7/10

That's some... interesting taste you got there anon. 6 at the highest.

>>5393950
dude was probably too lazy to use it. Moving out to straight living no my own I never had worse issues than someone from my family leaving a bag of chips open or not eating the veges that I cooked cook with meat dishes, these stories sound downright awful.

>>5379494
>http://www.chefkoch.de/rs/s0/pizzasuppe/Rezepte.html

pizzasuppe is big in Deutschland

I once cooked, dissesembled, and ate a whole small chicken on a cutting board using only a knife.

They never looked at me the same again.

>>5393966
>cooked cook

>>5391684
That's because Annie's is actually a good brand. The pasta is organic and the cheese powder is real cheese. Lesser mac&cheeses taste like complete shit without milk and butter.

>>5395963
>The pasta is organic and the cheese powder is real cheese.
organicfags showing their true face lel

>>5379881
I hate Kraft Dinner (Mac and Cheese, they call it in the US?) with milk and butter. Disgusting.

>>5395970
Yeah I am a little bit of an organicfag. I prefer it, but I don't eat it exclusively. That doesn't change the fact that Annie's is actually tasty without the other ingredients. My Grandma had a bunch of generic mac n cheese at her house and gave me some to take home a while ago. I was out of milk and butter while making it once and it basically was mac floating in grainy yellow water

>>5385522
butt hurt your parents didnt love you so you lash out at people that are actually loved? way to be 5.

My old roommates would just scorch every dish and never do them, dishes would pile up for weeks from one dude until me or the other "good guy" roommate would just decide they needed to be done. Always left vent fan on after he was done cooking, dirtied the kitchen right after we would scrub it down. Kid would just order like 50 dollars worth of delivery food with his friends every fucking day. Him and his friends would always try and make pot brownies and wind up destroying the kitchen with strained pot remants everywhere in my dishes. Garbage everywhere at one point like 15 bags (black hefty) of garbage piled on our back deck, dirty dishes thrown onto back deck because of no room. My experience living off campus in college made me even more ashamed than I initially was as a human being.

>>5380028

So YOU were excited about the strawberries, but you're mad at HER because they went bad?

I have some bad news about your autism, friend...

>>5380028

> drank too much soup
> threw up
> IM JELLY OF YOU GETTING INTO CIA

lol cia.... haha

> This recipe is
TOP SECRET
> For your spatula only.

>>5379313
My roommate insists on eating nothing but microwave meals, McDonalds, and Chinese food.
Also always makes a point of cracking raw eggs into her "pad-thai" Michelina's frozen meals, because it "makes it asian". She eats at least a pack of ramen a day, too. She can't cook worth fuck and expects her parents to pay for and bring her food and groceries every week that she can microwave, since they both work in Chinese restaurants, and throws a tantrum if they are delayed.
She also makes fun of my other roommate and I when we cook any "Asian"-esque meals, saying it's not "true Asian cooking" and we're both racist for trying to cook them because we are both white.
She also fucking instagrams empty boxes of her McDonald's food because it's "so kawaii".

>>5396081
They were her strawberries. Excited b/c I hoped she'd share, but she just let them rot in the fridge

>>sharing an apartment with friend of mine
>>He went to work before I got up.
>>I get up to make breakfast
>>Gonna make eggs. Look for cooking oil. Can't find it.
>>Too hungry to wait. Had cereal instead.
>>Later, I take a shower.
>>On the shelf is the bottle of cooking oil.
>>Floor of the shower is all greasy.
>>DON'T WANNA KNOW.

>>5396177
Fapping oil ahahahahahahaha

>>5396081
yes, it's wonderful to have rotting food in your fridge because of idiot house mates.

>living with three people
>bro-tier guy and his bro-tier 7/10 gf
>also living with hamuniverse 0/10 chick who is one of those "end fat-shaming" mega-feminist stupid people

>come home one day to find that hamuniverse has done a little extra grocery shopping to stock up on a few things we missed last grocery trip
>she also bought a rotisserie chicken
>think 'oh cool, if I throw some potato and pumpkin in the oven we can have roast for dinner'
>say "should I cut up some veggies to go with that?"
>hamuniverse looks at me like I'm stupid for a second
>>"this is my dinner"
>wat
>"there's no way you can eat that whole thing by yourself, what's wrong with turning it into a roast meal and having everyone eat together?"
>her fat face starts to become enraged
>oh fuck
>I've poked the hippo again
>shit, I need to evactuate
>>"you fucking thin-privilege people make me sick! why is it okay for a white male who knows nothing about me to tell me what I can and can't eat? this is everything that is wrong with the world!" (she quite literally said this)
>stare at her like she's stupid
>wonder when tumblr invaded my real life
>cry internally
>hamuniverse eats the whole chicken over the course of the next hour
>repeatedly give her disgusted looks so she knows that I think she's awful and I'm not so nice as to tip-toe around her eating habits

My mother always taught me not to judge people or be mean, but holy hell sometimes people need the encouragement of a little peer pressure to do stuff like, oh, say, not eat a whole chicken as one meal.

>>5396310
bro... i might be a bad person, but id just slap that fucking chicken out of her hands... so it falls on the ground.

she'll probably still eat it. gross.

my roommate eats the Velveeta loafs by themselves, so damn gross. he eats about one loaf a day.

>>5396347
Just googled that shit and ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. Is he fat?

>>5396310
damn. im fat, but a whole fucking chicken?
thats...i cant even...wow

i could manage a leg and a thigh but after that im done

>>5396355
he's 6'11 and 300 lbs

>>5381518
I like your story, Anon.

>>5393842
I don't understand this. My parents taught me how to use a microwave when I was around six. My 8 year old often microwaves things like oatmeal for herself (don't worry, she can make real food on the stove as well). How can an adult not understand microwave basics?... Ugh.

>>5396177
Olive oil is often put into hair to produce a sheen that you cant get out of shampoo + conditioner alone (it's usually washed out, but it leaves behind the gloss, ethnic people dont wash it out). Maybe your roomie just thought any oil would have the same result, and is also a metrosexual.

>>5396439
People sure do some dumb shit.

>>5391313
4 U

>>5396364
Man, I used to be 320 lbs, and that is way heavier than that. at least 400.
I'm 270 now, thanks. I gave up bricks of cheese and going everywhere in a fucking wheelchair.

>>5396439
Not too long after that, he was leaving his body building magazines out in the living room. He was drawing handlebar mustaches on all the models.
I got out of that situation quick like.

>>5397071
>drawing mustaches
is he 12?

I have a brother who thinks he can cook and pretends to eat healthy. He is actually a fat neckbeard NEET.

>walk into kitchen in the middle of the night to grab some water
>brother is making a popcorn cake sandwich
>popcorn
>a slice of vanilla cake
>inside bread

>brother asks how to deep fry things
>give him an hour long explanation
>later that night, watching tv
>something is burning, oh god the smell
>is the house on fire
>run downstairs, open kitchen door
>smoke
>brother deep fried previously fried chicken nuggets for 40 minutes
>they are coal, floating in black oil
>he didn't open the windows or the outside door
>slip on oil, what
>oil on counter
>oil on windows
>oil on walls
>everything is oil
>mfw i have no face

>>5398840
>popcorn cake sandwich
>deep frying already fried chicken nuggets
how does one ascend to this level of fatassery?

>>5398985
Funny thing is, he pretends he's healthy.

>thinks eating 1800 calories of junk food every day isn't bad since it's below his daily limit
>drinks boxed juice despite living in a tropical country with loads of fresh fruit on sale, says it's the same
>says he exercises, actually spends 30 minutes in a sauna every couple days
>has spent hundreds in gym memberships he didn't use past the first week
>bought all sorts of exercise gear which sit beautifully on a dusty shelf above his bed
>uses his yoga ball for "stress purposes" (throwing it around)
>complains it's very hard to cook for himself (I cook for myself, my fiance and my elderly mother who lives with us)
>I live to cook romantic dinners, he likes to invite himself to them
>his "secret" midnight snacks involve sandwiches of the leftovers (picture a mac&cheese sandwich), frozen meals for two, those hideous frozen burgers (that come with the bread and mystery sauce) or a little bit of all the above

>roommate is baking
>she follows the recipe to a T
>uses multiple measuring cups and spoons to make cookies
>doesn't seem to grasp the concept of "it's not rocket science"
>uses several bowls for said recipe
>multiple mixing spoons
>as well as an electric mixer

I just... I can't even handle people who use dishes inefficiently. I make cookies in the electric mixer's bowl, use one spoon and the one cup measure and just eyeball anything that's less than a cup.

>>5399107
That sounds pretty annoying, yeah. At least she can cook according to a recipe though. If I had to deal with her personally, I'd tolerate that kind of behavior if she did all the dishes right away

>>5399119
I made a joke about how many dishes she uses once but I don't bother otherwise. It's not like it's even worth complaining about.

>>5396310

>I've poked the hippo again

Fucking lol

>>5396310
>this never happened

My roommate is such a fucking Jew. We're in college, so I get being frugal, but holy fuck he is cheap. No taste buds either.

>picks veggie bits out of grash
>tries to put literally anything in broth, including eggshells and tomato stems
>reuses the gallon freezer bags we store meat in
>buys the dollar-for-a-loaf store bread for french toast and only for that since for some reason he things that the quality of french toast is not dependent on the quality of bread
>Makes what would be delicious rich savory soups, except he puts honey and oil in them
>Puts cinnamon in gravy
>never drains the fat from browning beef before using it in recipes

>>5399227
I wish. At least she doesn't seem to be mystified as to why she's huge like some other fatties I've met. She knows that eating a whole chicken = bad; she just doesn't decide not to do it is all.

>>5396109
>Chinese
>kawaii
looks like she's the racist

>>5399025
HAES

>>5384467

Boiling a good egg is tough business.

It is for me at least, had to throw out 4 eggs just recently because I couldn't get the shell of them without ruining them totally.

>>5399759
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=opK1Py1Zkt4

>>5399263
>>reuses the gallon freezer bags we store meat in

What's wrong with this? I freeze chicken drums/thighs all the time. After I thaw them I rinse out the bag and put it back in the freezer. Once I buy more drums/thighs I just put them in the same bag. It's perfectly safe and less wasteful.

>>5399263
About the only thing I can object to here is taking stuff out of the trash and putting flavorless eggshells and woody plant parts in broth.

>reuses gallon bags
So?
>cheap bread for french toast
Nigga that's how you're supposed to do it
>Honey and oil in soup
Useless without context
>Puts cinnamon in gravy
That's delicious, though
>Never drains fat from browning beef
Unless there's a giant puddle of it, why would you? Fat is flavor.

>>5399763

Doesn't work very well for me, sadly.

>>5399773
Let your boiled eggs cool before you peel them. I've never had problems getting the shell off a boiled egg before. Is this a white people problem?

>>5379743
how fat is she?

>>5382329
nah that's not necessarily true, but what I have noticed is that you can shout at a dude to clean up and he might be pissed off but he won't hold a grudge and hate you for the rest of the lease

>>5399025
To be fair, if he really only ate 1800 calories per day and he burned more than that, he'd actually lose weight, junk food or not.
Too bad 1800 calories is like, a large bag of chips and a soda.

>>5384591
hell some of us were the incompitent roomies

>>5387077
this could have been me at one point

>>5393853
ah yes, another example of the raging 4chan autist, my first for today. how are YOU, good sir?

most homosexual males that i know are ok(it will be edible) to very, very good cooks. most straight guys i know can cook 1-5 (maximum) dishes, usually pasta. the exceptions among the straight guys are usually extreme (total kitchen nazis). most straight girls i know can cook something edible but that is it. most lesbian girls i know burn shit with only one exception.

size of study?
approx. 1500 people spanning undergrad and grad studies at european arts institutions, regular work with 3 opera companies, numerous orchestras, ensembles, dance ensembles, regular jazz/pop/new music scene work in various european countries and cities spanning 10 years

take that fuck head. my personal experience tabbed in like a study is more comprehensive than any "scientific study" would be. fucking "this study was comprised of 60 people. margin of error +/- 3.5% points" bull shit my fucking ass. and you BUY it you fucking brainless ninny.

>>5395522
no it is not.

>>5396357
only a leg an a thigh?

no wing?
no innards?
no neck?
no back?
no picking at the carcass?

what kind of carnivore are you???

>>5379494
>Dorm mates - two german exchange students
>>boils pasta for half an hour
>>drains and returns to cooking pot
>>...covers in ketchup and eats with a spoon from the saucepan
>I wish I was joking
>Wtf germany
Yeah, the plebbest of plebs do this.
Nobody who knows how to make scrambled eggs does this.

>>5379942
>put beer bottles in the freezer and forgot about them
wh-why would you put beer bottles in the freezer? i ... i ... what

>>5379313
Yeah it would suck living with someone who cares what other people eat.

>>5399990
If you have a warm six pack and want to get one or two cold sooner than later. Old-fashioned grocery store where I live has a badass meat counter, but they don't refrigerate their beer for some reason.

>>5382329
I disagree. My friend's place was spotless when he lived alone. After getting roommates the apartment turned to shit. Just because the place you're moving into is well-kept, don't assume it will continue to be. Don't assume tidier people will clean up after you if you happen to be a nasty person

>>5387134
That's spooky, I had a roomate do that to me, I replaced it with coffee whitener and milkshake flavor.

>>5382618
I don't know whether to be intrigued or horrified.

>>5382886
Seconding!

>>5384313
>>5384318
Oh hell no. When someone takes something of value from you, they need to give you an equal replacement. Getting shitty, cheap replacements doesn't make it okay. (mfw I probably fed a troll)

>>5384653
This mental image made a deep place in my soul warm and fuzzy.

>>5399872
I think that boiling eggs is an everybody problem. It takes a few tries to know how to keep the yolk soft and the albumen actually cooked, and you have to factor in the fact that internal heat keeps cooking them if you don't transfer them to cold water right away. Even if you're just hardboiling them for easy mode, there's still the halo issue. When you use them in omelets, you have to know how to keep them fluffy and to calm your tits about flipping them too much.

Eggs are hard.

This was a few years ago
>At a friends apartment
>His vastly overweight roommate is there playing his computer in gym shorts and a wife-beater undershirt
>First time I met him, try to be nice. He's playing a game I played at the time (Star Trek Online)
>He's kind of rude but whatever I'm talking to him while he's trying to play video games
>Notice he has a bottle of ranch dressing sitting next to him
>Think nothing of it maybe he got done eating something, maybe he's a slob and just hasn't put it away
>There's a number of sane and rational explanations
>Chatting with friend and getting ready to leave when the guy PICKS UP THE BOTTLE AND JUST STARTS FUCKING DRINKING OUT OF IT
>I gag a little right there and my friend and I left
>Ask him, apparently the guy does this all the time and goes through like 3 bottles a week

Yes this is America

>roommate 4ish years ago
>everyday come home from work with random junk food and a hot dog from 7eleven
>eats dinner with appetite of small beast
>10pm gets munchies
>grabs 2 slices white bread and butters both sides
>toasts in skillet
>tops with processed cheese, ballpark hot dogs and ranch dressing

still dont know how he hasnt died from eating hot dogs daily with all that garbage

>>5383634
Thank you, I feel much better about my limited cooking knowledge and ability to follow basic instructions when something extends past my knowledge.

>>5384405
Yeah that's bullshit.

It doesn't have to be a passion, but fuck, you have to be able to survive on something more than fast food or pre-made meals.

Cooking is what powered the agricultural revolution. Without cooking there's no civilization.

You don't have to be able to put together a notable three course meal in order to be sufficient in cooking.

When you can't put together a meal with raw ingredients and a stove, you're a fucking neanderthal.

It's one thing to avoid cooking because you work 60 hours a week or something like that. But if you are willfully ignorant of a life skill that has propagated human existence since before recorded history, you're the fucking cancer that is killing humanity.

Modern cooking is straight up following directions. If you can't do that, you're a mental deficient.

>>5384518
I grew up in Houston and my mom never re-married.

Google is the reason why I know 95% of the shit I know today.

Some people get it, some don't. I try not to hold it against them, but again, it's a skill that some people straight up don't develop, even with most of my generation now adopting smart phones.