/ck/ - Food & Cooking

i drink rubbing alcohol mixed with salt.

the abrasive salt scrapes away all the nastiness for a sparkly clean colon

A diet of 50% beer and 50% taco bell.

Sounds like the same pseudoscience spouted by massage enthusiasts.

Massage is just code for someone jerking you off/rubbing your clit.

I don't see why people brag about it or feel the need to say aloud that they "need a massage". It is like yelling out "I need a hooker".

>>5270249
Give her my "Healthy Treat" Milk-Bone.

What is the appeal of these therapies?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7PGLvEpHTWs

>>5270257
I take it your neckbeard ass has never had a massage before. There's more than one type of physical please dickslice.

>>5270249
I eat beans and lots of them, then after work before I go to bed I have a 1/4cup of chia seeds.

Sometimes I take a dump

>>5270334
well played anon.
this is the correct answer.

>>5270275
Do you just eat them as is?

My hippy neighbor gave me a shitload of chia seeds and I have no idea what to do with them....

>>5270588
Rub them into your genitals for maximum effect.

i take psylium husks everyday, drink at least 4 gallons of water and avoid too much bread

I flush my colon with dark matter

The premise of this whole colonic alt medicine bullshit is that poop gathers in the folds of your colon and just sits there like a dirty vacuum filter.

This has been total debunked people. No one's colon is full of stale poop even if they are dying of cancer.

I know this is a troll thread but I have friends in real life who cannot be convinced of this and it makes me fucking crazy.

>>5270588
put them on your pet, grow a chia pet.

CHI CHI CHI CHIA!

your body will naturally slough off poop stuck in the crevices of your colon.
You can speed up the process by eating fiber and vegetables and fruits, which acts like a toothbrush for you ass.
but there is no need to buy supplements or hydrotherapy or fasting.

I drink a third of a handle of bottom shelf vodka every night (it also sidesteps the issue of teeth brushing).

>>5270676
No. There is no poop stuck in your colon.
None.
This is not medicine people. Your colon is fine. Fiber is good and will keep you regular but there is no kakadoodie fucking shite stuck in the crevices of your goddamm colon.

>>5270747
The voice of reason.

>>5270747

fucking. this.

/thread

>>5270747
>No. There is no poop stuck in your colon.
>I have never had a colonoscopy.

>>5270747
>No. There is no poop stuck in your colon.
>None.
Retard doesn't know about my diverticulitis.
Protip: you're supposed to examine patients before making medical pronouncements, Doctor Nick.

>>5271790
Do you even know what the fuck that is?
PRO Tip Diverticulitis Is not Poop Stuck In Your Colon . It's not even a side effect.
Repeat motherfuckers.
THERE IS NO POOP STUCK IN YOUR COLON.
It all moves through unless you are constupated. In which case it's all fucking stuck.

>>5271846
Yes, I know exactly what it is. Do you?

Here, let me explain it to you:
As a result of overstraining my intestines trying to force things out, the muscles have torn, resulting in little pockets hanging out. These are sometimes described as "blowouts".

These trap shit in them, and get infected from time to time, especially when the inner surface is scratched up by certain indigestible bits such as seed hulls from poppies, popcorn, and sesame.

>pockets
>that trap shit in them

Mind. Blown.

>>5271854
Don't believe everything you read boy.
Shit does not get magically stuck in your ass.

>>5271854
You need to read up on diverticulitis. You seem to be a bit confused.
Almost as if you have been talking to a very old GP who has not kept up or perhaps a alternative medicine provider.

I had an issue where i would poop once every 5-8 days. I went to my doc about it and he ran tons of tests, said I was fine and gave me some hardcore fiber supplements. They didn't change anything and my diet included quite a bit as is. Ran more tests, still fine. It always felt awkward when I would poop and my roommates would pretty much cheer me on.

What made me poop more often (take that lightly, it's now every 3 ish days) is moving to another country (still a first world country.) I'm not here to soapbox about American food being shit, but ehhhhhhh. My diet still hasn't changed, just my location. I could potentially disagree with poop hanging out in crevices, but I also have really fucked up intestines as is (one of them is twisted and has been since birth.) I also have the issue of my bowel movements putting me in horrendous pain because of an IUD. The pressure pushes against it which pushes against the inside of my uterus and gad dayum

All I can really say is drink loadsewater and eat some grains. I particularly enjoy weetbix. I am sometimes a savage and eat part of it dry.

>>5271879
Does anal sex cause you any discomfort? Cause that would be a deal breaker for me in terms of long term dating.

>>5271879

6/10 would anal

>>5270747
Of course there is. Why do you think pornstars douche?

>>5271857
Diverticulitis.

>>5271854
Over-straining and seed hulls aren't thought to cause Diverticulitis anymore. Harsh fact is we don't know the cause. Different people seem to have different triggers but confirmation bias makes them enormously difficult to figure out. Everybody assumes it was the last thing they ate, ignoring how long intestinal transit time can be.

That said, you're pointing to a pathogenic condition, and we were talking about the state of a normal colon.

>>5270260
They're cheaper, they're less scary, most people use them when they're not actually sick in a more than inconvenient fashion. I work in a hospital, the people I see are (mostly) sick. They are fucked up. Even when we release them you would not usually call them well. Especially when younger people get sick they think every little thing is gonna kill them. They act like being unable to play their favorite racket sport for a month is the end of the world. Meanwhile the person next door considers getting out of bed and sitting in a chair for a few hours, or god forbid, walking in the hall with supervision, to be a major accomplishment for the day. We're all going there, the question is how fast.

>>5271752
Even if you haven't eaten in 24 hrs and there's no feces in your colon we have to give you a bowel prep to clear out Chyme passed down from the stomach and small intestines. Most of the feces we see is free floating, the rest is being pushed along by normal peristalsis(the pulsating movement of the intestines). We have to prep to see clearly cause of the floaters, not cause there's a bunch of shit stuck down there. I've personally witnessed a couple dirty colonoscopys where people were unable to finish the prep.

>>5270747
you've ever seen an enema taking place?
doesn't seem like it.

>>5271900
I did not say there was no poop in your colon. I said there was no poop stuck in your colon.
Do you get the distinction?

I just get sure I eat fibers at each meal, or at least once a day. Already got hemoroids surgically removed once, never again.

>>5271900
Aaaand this is how they keep you coming back.
There will always be some poop in your colon till the new poop pushes it out.

The asswater lady has you fast then tells you your colon should be empty. She then fulls you up and starts draining bits of poo from your ass.
She now says "this is what was stuck in the folds".
It's like a magic trick for the retarded.

>>5271911
"Fills you up with water"
Is what I meant to say.

>>5271911
>The asswater lady
lol

>what are u doing to ensure good colo-rectal health /ck/?

My fiber intake for the last three days:
>34g
>42g
>59g

Feels fucking great. Most people have a serious fiber deficiency in their diet.

>>5271911
>It's like a magic trick for the retarded.
Or it's a viable tactic used for demonstration. Let's face it, no one wants to watch porn where the dude goes anal and pulls out with a little McNugglet of shit on their dick. They enema beforehand and prelube. For most folks, completely unnecessary; for adult entertainers who file their time sheets with "number of times my turd cutter was probed" it's kind of important.


Unless you fap to Efukt

>>5271959
I do anal all the time and hardly ever get poo on my johnson.
The girl just needs to know her body.
Also.
Stick your finger in first. If you feel a little finger pointing back at you. .. that's a piece of poo.

>>5271968
>If you feel a little finger pointing back at you. .. that's a piece of poo.

>>5271955

Enjoy your colonic micro-cuts

Like swallowing a brillo pad

>>5271968
>If you feel a little finger pointing back at you. .. that's a piece of poo

For the past year or so I've been getting some blood on the toilet paper when I wipe. Once there was an actual drop of blood dripping from my ass. Do you think I should talk to my family doctor about this? I think this is how people get cancer if I remember correctly.

>>5272012
What is the source of that gif?
Why would riker kirk and spock all be laughing on landlines?

>>5270588
Pour boiling water on them until they turn into a gelatin lie state and then eat. The textures fucked up but it doesnt taste bad.

Amazing energy boost tho.

>>5270249
>what are u doing to ensure good colo-rectal health /ck/?

Had my colon removed 18 months ago. Seems a little late to worry about its health now.

>>5272155
Do you still have an anus?
Sorry about your colon anon :(

>>5270588
Add a teaspoon to some yoghurt, mix and eat.

>>5270588

mix them with any liquid that tastes good and let them sit for a few hours and it'll be like pudding

I usually do it with almond milk + canned pumpkin + pumpkin pie spice + splenda, but the sky is the limit

>>5272039
of course you should go to the doctor, it's probably not a sign of colorectal cancer but it could. Hemorrhoids are probably the most common cause.

>>5270665
I know what you mean. They even had me fooled at one point. It's just presented as normal medicine rather than the alternative therapy gobbledegook that it is and they draw you right in before the gears start to whirr and you start to think "hang on..."

>>5270249
Cheese, beans & super fatty foods coupled with a bottle full of ex•lax every other day.

>>5272165

Yup, it's all linked up to the small intestine now. I wouldn't miss it, but it's fucked with my diet. Can't eat anything with vegetables or rice now, or pain happens

I eat a normal amount of fiber, veggies and beans everyday, and fruit. I poop a big one once a day, every morning, it's great.


>>5271968
>>5271995
>>5272012
My sides.

i eat a lot of fibre, and i drink a lot of water

i have regular buttsex so i need to keep things clean down there

well i'm vegan, so my chances of colorectal cancer is 65% lower than that of everyone else.

>>5272219
Lie

>>5270263
>physical please
What about physical thank you?

>>5272219
>mfw you end up discovering a late stage cancer at young age

>>5272222
Quads for troof.

>>5272039
Hemorroids. Also it usually gets worse over time, until it starts bleeding even when you don't shit, and the blood loss leaves you iron deficient and you feel like sleeping or dying all day long.
Get that shit treated and literally get born again.

Plant-based diet. Everything I eat has tons of fiber

>>5272197
>fat + laxative instead of fiber + water

terrible, terrible idea. Laxative flush out nutrients, and fat will just strain your digestive system on the long run if you really do it until it's undigested on the other side.

eat less fat. The body creates bile to break down fat. Bile causes inflammation in the digestive system. So cut fat, and you'll feel great.

>feel really bloated, stomach hurts
>chill going down my spine
>realise it's going to be diarrhea
>get on the toilet
>loud, messy, smelly, disgusting diarrhea shit
>asshole is stinging a bit
>wipe
>wash my hands
>feel like a new man

Dude, shitting everything out feels so fucking good. You feel so light and relieved, it's fantastic

>>5271884
>shoving anal sex into the thread
Not everyone can be a free spirited girl like you.

>>5270260
these guys have jokes but all in all they are fools and misrepresent the state of things

I eat a large box of shredded wheat every day.

well I eat porridge for breakfast every day and eat shit loads of vegetables and fruit. it's because I fucking like eating good food but yeah, I guess they're pretty fibrous foods.
fellas itt saying low fat diets have a good effect and I definitely do eat a low fat diet. dairy is a massive rarity and my only usual meats are chicken and tuna. my biggest fat source is probably eggs and I don't eat all that many of them.

>>5270260
Alternative medicine is the actual reason that Steve Jobs is dead. He got caught up in the Silicon Valley hippy medicine movement and paid the price.

>>5272290
What did they misstate ?
Joking aside alternative medicine kills people.

>>5271884
never had anal sex

>>5271891
see above

>>5272286
truly no happier time than after a good poop. I've learned that if I'm really mad or angry at something, pooping makes it go away

limes and coffee for breakfast

>>5271868
I *have* read up on diverticulitis, and am managing it quite well, and have been for ~9 years now. Just stop, dude. There's no need to shit up a shitty colon thread.

>>5271898
>seed hulls aren't thought to cause Diverticulitis anymore
I think you're the same idiot who constantly insists that nobody can get food poisoning from restaurant food in less than a day, despite many people, myself included, who keep telling you that you're a fucking moron.

Just stop. It's not like you're even making a living off posting your stupidity, so why bother doing it?

>>5273527
You might want to re read up on this one.

>>5272313
good riddance

>>5272320
>misrepresent the state of things


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p8ahoqZ9Xnk

I won't go into spoonfeeding you this and that do your own legwork

>>5274064
miclicked link
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uwdxzBxXsf8

>>5272140
Old men

>>5270255
>AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA This was a mistake!
Best laugh I had all day.

>>5272140
http://www.reddit.com/r/startrek/comments/1frjqb/

>>5270334

top kek m8

Anyone take probiotics? I prefer the pills over the yogurt variety but it has helped with bloating and gas issues.

>>5270249
I've mostly cut red meat out of my diet; maybe once a week.

Side note, i shit minimum twice a day; fiber is god.

>>5270249
buttesecks

>>5274702
It's healthier to take one dumperumpagus every morning as soon as you get up.
When you are really healthy it should be like an alarm clock.

One thing I learned the hard way is to keep car toys out of there.

I get the shit fucked out of me or pushed in depending on who you ask.

>>5270249
amphetamines, cigarettes and coffee every morning

kale and booze every night