/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>5106358
no

>>5106363
yes

New captcha sucks so much. So very much.

>>5106358
>thick & funky Mushroom Dribblins
Gets me every fucking time.

is it not obvious we don't have a sense of humor.

>>5106378
I have done that before, in complete honesty it was okay. Not great, but decent.

>>5106386
just get a 4chan pass, faggot

>>5106497
havent seen the OP before, but saved

>>5106494
>paying money for 4chan

lolno

>>5106498
Oh man I've been looking for that for weeks!
Thankyou.

>>5106503

>>5106508

I dun get it

>>5106502
>typing captchas

lolno

>>5106505

>>5106520
>paying for 4chan pass and still having to wait for post/thread timer

lolno

>>5106514
It's shaped like an angry dick and balls.

>>5106526
salty pals always gets me

>>5106536
How did he manage to tip moot for the post?

>>5106535
lol

>>5106551
pass

Anyone have the better version?

>>5106536
This isn't as good as the americlap pasta

>>5106631

>>5106636

>>5106596
Huh. That one on the left is decent. Lucky guy.

I would love love love if someone had the lobster/date night one and could post it.

superheatedevaporatedmilk.jpg

>>5106526
>vinegar husbands
Where are these from from?

>>5106447
bullshit mang, /ck/ is the greatest

>>5106447

>>5106809
goddamn it melbourne, wat r u doin?

>>5106535
trying too hard

>>5107210

I dont want to be that guy but lots of that story is hard to believe, mostly the stuff about her being drunk and the sex scene

Someone post the one with batman and cakes

>>5106378
I did this with king cobra once while drunk

>>5107781
ugh that's what he looks like

total let down

>>5107250
It's not only /ck/, it's people with taste that just take it to the next level.

>>5106358

like this?

>>5106358
>Football:The Meal

>>5106378
>milk, check
>soda, yes
>cheers :)
>gulp gulp
>what the
>fuck am i doing with my life

>>5106798
here you go babe <3
http://imgur.com/gallery/j4wzR

>>5109444
I love the
>White Pips
>Nature's Mistakes
bit.
I also like vinegar husbands. I think that's my favourite.

>>5109441
I was going to post the rest of them but I guess I don't have to now.

>>5109462
you should still do it for any anon that goes through the thread only opening the pics without reading:3 <3

>>5109469
A-are you flirting with me?

>>5109480
yeah you're a qt c;

>>5109480
>>5109483
>>5109488
>>5109490
>>5109494
thanks tigerfeather bby

>>5106358
I'd eat the fuck out of that side salad. No ranch hose though.

>>5109504
i'd eat the fuck out of tigerfeather

>>5107781
Did he get b& again so soon? What about our sceaky cooking challenge?

"Place lemons under the skin for flavor!"

>>5106494

Tell you what jewt when you get a team of competent mods and janitors that make every board decent I"ll consider throwing some shekels your way.

>>5106447
I forgot a lot of women browse this board.

>>5109539
l-lewd :3c

>>5109494
>>5109490
>>5109488
>>5109483
>>5109480
gold jerry GOLD!

>>5109573
see i told u somebody would appreciate it tigerfeather

>>5109494
>peaceful oat goblins
Every time.

I was going to post one of my pizzas with slices of kraft cheese on top.

But my PC crashed on monday and I lost all my shit. fuck

>>5109591
>tell her /ck/ wishes her a happy birthday

Every time.

haha lol

>>5109645
no, fuck off

worksafe

MODS MODS MODS

>>5109645
That... that took a bit more doing than the original pic lead me to believe.

>>5109645
must have seen that pic a million time but the gif da fuk man

dumping all I got, going to bed. Goodnight /ck/

Holy SHIT 4chanX capture cache is insane for dumping. A whole new world.

Banned for posting a GIF of a crab being prepared? To whoever reported me, eat a dick.

NO FUN ALLOWED

>>5109702
>>5109645
Mods sure are touchy faggots, huh

>>5109702
calm down son

>>5109707
I feel his pain. I got a 5 day global ban because image glitch switched my image with a pony. Getting banned for posting food on the food board is kind of retarded.

This thread is one of the best things /ck/ has ever done imo

>>5109712
its still worksafe. Seeing any animal being decapitated might raise some questions at work

>>5109702
so you evaded?

>>5109729
don't browse a chinese cartoon forum at work then

>>5106596
That pic is for a contest Penny Arcade has been doing for the last 5ish years every Christmas, people send in dirty Dickerdoodle pics and Tycho and Gabe pick winners.

I don't have any original images, but I do have a few stories.

Back when I was at the state university of the Glorious Bible Belt Buckle for a somewhat unfulfilling major, one of my few freedoms was the fact that I was able to rent a small apartment off campus with a friend. We were quite poor, though, and split a two-room with two other people because rent. The woman who shared my room was referred by a well-meaning acquaintance. The man, who poor S. had to put up with, was a last-minute responder to a flier.

What follows is six months of hell.

>>5109689
Man has got it made there. All them $2s and Sweet Baby Rays.

>>5109763
We were young. We were stupid. We did not know to bring a cheap night light while checking out the apartment to test the liveliness of the wall sockets.

The slow cooker ended up living in a precarious position on a television tray next to the xbox in the common room.
The coffee maker, after a mildly violent arm wrestling competition, ended up in S.'s room.

I suppose that the other early sign of trouble was when my roommate divulged that she had recently become a vegan, and that her charkas had definitely felt the improvement. I don't like to promote stereotypes, so I'd like to point out right now that sometimes people are just awful human beings, and there are enough awful human beings in this world for some of them, statistically, to also be people who have sworn off animal products.

So.
One week after move-in before the summer term, growing hotter across our nowhere-town's scrap of clay to shift foundations and stagnate the humid air. We still have the will to live and move like regular people.

The girl walks in with a small bag of groceries, carrying separately a dirty, off-white root vegetable across her shoulder like a baseball bat. It is roughly the length of her arm, and this moment is embedded in my memory like an infected wound.

It's a daikon radish, and she wants to pickle it.

The smell starts about an hour later, after she left the apartment. It is faint at first. S, returning, closes the kitchen window and asks if a skunk died in the parking lot. I shrug. The smell grows, a week later, spreading to the common room. We make excuses to go to our rooms, even though homework is still relatively light. It spreads more, becoming stronger. The source of the scent is obvious now, as it physically hurts our sinuses to enter the kitchen. It is reminiscent of used gym socks and depression. Our hints, ignored, become pleas. She does not throw it out.

"It's all natural. A part of the process."

>>5109680
GLOCK N CHEESE MY FAVORITE

>>5109763

>state university of the Glorious Bible Belt Buckle

..Oklahoma State University?

>>5109834
Please, keep posting

>>5109867
Correct!

>>5109897
Thanks, I didn't want to shitpost.

The man who responded late to the roommate flier was a peculiar creature. He could not be quite described as spherical-- though his weight was prodigious, it hung on his frame in bizarre lumps that wouldn't normally be considered a traditional part of human anatomy. It was like male pattern baldness, but with lard. I never saw a single green thing on his plate for the entire six months we lived there, and he seemed to grow visibly ill when he saw us cooking or eating anything with vegetables. He did not cook, and hogged the freezer with a small bunker of television dinners. Every night, he would emerge from his and S.'s room, select one dinner, leave the freezer door open while grabbing six paper towels and a spoon, and then bump the door closed with his elbow on the way out. I never actually saw him drink. Ever. After a few moments, you would hear the microwave start, and then gradually an intense burning scent tinged with hints of something gaseous and foul. By this time, the pickling daikon had become our set point of normalcy, but the burning food seemed to blend with it in a strange alchemy that made it a fresh hell.

One day, I returned from classes to collapse on the sofa with the floor fan. It moved the daikon air and humidity in churning waves that made me feel like I had a semblance of control over the state of my heat exhaustion. I apparently had slept, because I woke up to Lump's red face a bit too close to be comfortable. He was screaming.

"Somebody touched my food, you bitch did you do it I know someone did there were nine lasagnas now there are seven what the fuck was it you bitch you theif it was mine my money--"

"No! I didn't you dickshit, why would I touch that stuff, you know that I--"

I rolled off the sofa with my arm out, misjudged the distance, and it kind of sunk into his torso a little, he fell and skid some on the linoleum and I felt a little bad but mostly gross.

>>5109930
S. came out of his room to see what the noise was from, asked what in the fuck was going on, and denied eating any of Lump's dinners. Lump decreed that one of us was fucking lying. We all went to the freezer and emptied its contents, trying to find the two missing boxes. No dice.

Vegan came home around that time, took one look at the frozen shit-mountain, and started badgering us about our disgusting eating habits. What meat did to us, what preservatives did to us, what microwaves did to us, what ambient radiation did to us, and I snuck out during the segment on what chemtrails did to us so you'll have to imagine the rest.

The next morning, I opened the freezer to grab some grapes. Everything owned by Lump had a blue and white blur on it. I squinted, and leaned in further. "Hello, My Name Is:" stickers. On every single one. His name in gel pen, first, middle, and last. I backed away slowly.

>>5106525
gets me every time

>>5109651
>>5109652
>>5109653
What was it?

>>5106494
Go back to /a, moot.

>>5106638

>ride her into battle

>>5109930
What exactly was she doing to the radish that it was that foul smelling? I mean shouldn't it be pickled in a glass jar that's kinda sealed?

They don't really smell or anything normally (I tend to use them as an impromptu potato replacement usually)

>>5109935
This was beautifully written. Thank you for sharing.

>>5110666
Maybe anon just really doesn't like the smell of daikon. There's no other reason it would start to smell within an hour. Unless it was pickled with vinegar, and there was a huge container of vinegar sitting around giving off fumes?

>>5106494

>>5106386
test

>>5110714
Isn't Daikon pretty much odorless? It's honestly the thing which strikes me as the most odd on the story.

As far as mega fat guy who eats nothing but frozen dinners and or fast food - well those things happen.

>>5110838
>4chan.org estimated worth is: $10,629,360.00 and have a daily income of around $9,842.00.
considering moot employs no one but himself after server costs he is taking home a very nice chunk of change. That is if he isn't pissing it away on canv.as which is going no where

http://www.netvaluator.com/www/4chan.org

>>5109610
Why isn't there a single copy of this that's larger and why is there not a single video of it on Youtube?

I know it's from an SNL skit but I've never seen it.

>>5109444
>mostly apples
always gets me

>>5109643
Is it true that this is !!OPIATE? I heard that on here before.

>>5106638
>that first one

>>5109680
glockaroni and cheese!

>>5109539
I love chicken breasts!

Awe shit
> Vinegar Husbands

>>5106798
Some generous and patient anon's docs folder?

I've seen them before. Elsewhere in this post is a link to a site they are stored on, maybe they came from there

>>5106378
pic related

this is funny

this one too

another

this one will go along with:
/ck/ is all about
>olive oil,
>vegans!1!,
>cock's jizz sauce,
>shitty pizza( chicano or niu yor?),
>steak (uncooked or becoming jerky),
>NO! No MSG!,
>paleo diet (stupid, pointless or both?),
>Knives (japanese are better, we love ramen right),
>pocky (japanese are better we love nihontojin wakaremaka desu yo!),
>Tips (should the whole world tip or just retarded americlaps?),
>how much to tip (20%!?!? why would you go out to eat if you can't afford it?),
>French food (is it just bland food processed for babies?),
>Mexican food ( it is just fuckin cheese melted on beans on top of a tostada?, also burrito),
>Chinese food ( California or NY?, Does china actually exist?),
>water (itanimulli controlling my brain with flouride and iodine),
>Agricultural chemicals (feeding the world or how would gaiafags feed us all),
>corn (HFCS took my babies),

>>5112990
that was not my picture I don't even use reactions
http://youtu.be/sQOQdBLHrLk

>>5106358
"wine-stunned" haha

http://vocaroo.com/i/s1FBCwUhnHVo

>>5112995

If you post a picture at exactly the same moment as someone else the pictures swap.

Also, if you're going to use unfunny 9gag pictures, at least trim the watermark.

>>5106809
I wonder if this is the cheese dick guy?

>>5115517
This is the only thing I've ever laughed out loud to on /ck/. Seeing it when it was first posted was magical.

>>5115543
The fucking cleats slay me