/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>4980499
>cut your poop off halfway
>flush
>poop the rest
>flush
Or you can take a whisk and beat the shit out of it until it looks like diarrhea.

I do get the occasional crazing for chipotle though, and smash two burritos, I'm fucking addicted to that shit.

I just squash in between my fingers. Is flushes easy and you're gonna wash your hands anyway right?

>>4980504
>>4980507
Disgusting, I did have to separate the poo once, it was fucked and I'd like to avoid having to do that again.

>>4980509
Have your own personal poo-whisk

>>4980512
Thanks for that mental imagery, serious replies please.

Do you guys think I need to call a plumber or something? I have to flush 3 times for them to fuck off.

>>4980517
Diuretics.

>>4980509

Shit in shower, stomp it down the drain.

>>4980519
There's something to be said for the waffle stomp.

>>4980518
>A diuretic is any substance that promotes the production of urine. This includes forced diuresis. There are several categories of diuretics. All diuretics increase the excretion of water from bodies, although each class does so in a distinct way. Alternatively, an antidiuretic such as vasopressin is an agent or drug which reduces the excretion of water in urine.

How can that help me?

>>4980524
>>4980519
First of all, fuck no. Second, I can't. This is the shower drain.

>>4980535

>>4980523
The diuretic also works on the digestive system as well as the urinary. Whenever my clients haven't pooped in 2 days, I will give them coffee. This will loosen the stools.

>>4980543
I'm not constipated?

>>4980551
It would soften the stool allowing it to be flushed.

Connect.the.dots.

>>4980543
That's because caffeine stimulates the intestines, and it's not the same as a diuretic effect. Cranberry juice and water pills are diuretics but won't effect the intestines the same way.

>>4980558
I don't drink coffee though ._.

>>4980540
Mash it into a watery paste.

>>4980563
You could start. Or drink tea.

How much water do you drink per day? You might be dehydrated.

>>4980560
Does it speed paristalsis? Could you elaborate?

>>4980563
So? Go to Starbucks. Spend 2 dolla. Drink the coffee. Are you daft or trolling?

>>4980580
I drink a lot of water in fact, about 3 litres daily, I do love me some tea as well.

>>4980578
>Does it speed paristalsis? Could you elaborate?

Yes, caffeine is a stimulant that increases peristalsis. It also induces the secretion of gastric digestive acids.

>>4980499
just keep flushing till the toilet is half filled up and then use a plunger to finish the job. make sure you have one of those new-fangled plastic accordian type plungers and not the old style rubber cup ones.

malnourished watery shits master race.

>tfw really want to eat healthy but I can't stand salad
feels bad

Get rid of the chicken next, replace it with walnuts. Healthy as fuck

>>4980499
As the poo is coming out, cut it into sections with your sphincter muscles

>>4980746
You just gotta sack up and eat it, anon.

>>4980499
Congratulations, you have parasites.

>>4980747
unless you're allergic to nuts, you vegan fucking dolt. Go back to shitting up your own thread, kthxbai.

>>4980747
a) walnuts are not a complete protein
b) walnuts are a terrible source of protein
4) nuts hurt my gums
c) protein protein protein protein

>>4980512
>>4980515
maybe you are more of a poop spatula man?

Haven't you read that book?
Break it with the brush before you flush.

Also, OP needs to increase his water intake by a litre.

>>4980499
Keep a wire clothes hanger by the toilet. Use it to break up huge shits into smaller pieces so they flush easier.

>>4983332
Don't listen to this faggot OP, use your hands to really pulp it into a paste, or stomp that shit with your toes.
Or insert something like a mincing grate into your asshole.