/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>4919392
OP here. Forgot to add "And what was it that you ate?"

A whole jar of kimchi on an empty stomach - 20 minutes. It came out as fast as it went in.

McDonalds breakfast foods. I've had to take a soupy diarrhea shit literally half-way through an egg mcmuffin.

not very fast, i've only gotten food poisoning once in my life

it took about 6 hours to set in but lasted 48 hours including shitting out everything, vomitting everything and then trying to vomit even when nothing was left and not being able to hold down water, and a 104 degree fever

it was KFC, in china.

>>4919408
>KFC in China

You were asking for it.

>>4919392
chewing 5 gum, recently
and then later drinking a some diet dr pepper

turns out I might have an aspartame intolerance
>will never get to chew 5 gum again without painful indigestion

>>4919405
holy shit dude, should've softened that with some rice at the least

I'm thinking of multiple instances where I ate the deep fried oysters at cheap fast food restaurants. This usually results in me on the toilet in a matter of a couple of hours maybe.

If not the oysters, then pic related. Oh my god these things destroy my insides but god dammit if they are good.

Some years ago, I was in an Outback after a night of heavy drinking. If I recall, I had some cheese fries and a medium-rare ribeye steak with a side of fries and mac n' cheese.

I kid you not, it took about a grand total of about 10 minutes for me to shit it all back out. The worst part was that I hungry again.

ITT: Anons claim to have shit out things they ate only minutes prior.

20 seconds
I had a beverage made from orange juice and picosolex which basically empties you out completely, it causes massive contractions of your entire GIT for 3 hours

I recommend it to people that are severly constipiated

>>4919427
I know the body doesn't work like that, but after eating a chicken biscuit first thing in the morning (after my first poop of the day, no less) and then immediately having explosive diarrhea, I have to assume a few things.

I ate some sausage that was in the fridge for a questionably long period of time and started feeling it churning in my stomach within 5 minutes of eating it. Same thing happened to my bro, and we tried eating it again the next day with the same result. Felt okay after blowing it out in the toilet about 30 min later.

We just boiled the hell out of it and that made it fine.

Usually when I eat really spicy food. I love spicy food when it's going in, the hotter the better.

But Christ, it wrecks my insides. Painful runs + ring sting is a purgatorial experience, but never enough to make me stop eating spicy food.

Alcohol. About 1-5 minutes.

Every single time. I can always just ignore it for about halfway through my first drink, then it goes away.

Why exactly would I be desperate to stay on the toilet seat? It's not like I fear for my life when on the throne, or am overly eager to get off. Unless I see a spider or something.

Get educated: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gastrocolic_reflex
Sometimes, when food enters the stomach, a signal is sent to the colon for intense contraction. You get cramps and have to shit instantly.

>>4919489
Very much this. It never really got to me before I started drinking heavily on a daily basis... but after years of heavy drinking, I can't remember the last time I had a solid shit.

Anything that made me poop?

well obviously things like coffee or water when i first wake up, or my personal favorite: a big ass plate of huevos rancheros or chicken fried steak and gravy in the morning. That makes you poop almost instantly after you finish.

The only thing I can think of that I know traveled through my gut super fast was some pizza I had during a friend's car ride: he had a box of take out pepperoni from some local spot. it the car we spent about 45 minutes driving and dropping people off, and by the time he got to my house, I really had to shit bad. The result was nothing but oilly foamy shit, that had a ton green specks that was clearly the pizza's oregano.

Spicy food, always. It seems to send my colon to warp 10 speeds. Especially when topped off with a cup of espresso.

I ate like 1/2lb of uncooked quinoa as a kid because idk.

One hour later I was shitting what looked very similar to loose birdseed.

It happens instantaneously all the time. I have some kind of chronic gastrointestinal disease

It was fruity pebbles. I bought a box on a whim and had just finished one bowl before my guts started to rumble. Shat out pitch black tar like goop. Turns out sugary cereal is not kind to my digestion.

most fast food will have me on the toilet within 30 minutes of eating it

except mcdonalds, I think they put loperamide in their food

I won't claim anything impossible like 90% of the anons in this thread, but if I drink more than two beers in a night I will invariably end up with the most inconvenient, peanut-butter-like shits the next morning. It's the worst. I have to use like half a roll of TP and then my rectum gets all raw and irritated.

Also, carrots do it to me every time. I'm on a weight-loss diet so baby carrots are a big part of my diet. Sometimes I'll eat a pound at a time. Of course, within 8 or so hours, boom, nasty butt-mud that has a distinct orange glow to it.

>>4919392
first time I made sauerkraut.
fast the day before
light breakfast
for lunch made some sauerkraut, with onions and a bit of bacon. Didn't have juniper berries, cloves or bay leaves at home.
Probably took an hour and I completely emptied my gut, which wasn't much, considering the fast the day before.
after that I googled some and found that juniper berries, cloves and bay leaves seem to help make sauerkraut a bit less gut upsetting. Especially freshly cooked, warm, sauerkraut, because eating the rest of it the next day, cold, didn't lead to any problems.

You guys know that white tuna gives you the shits and is banned in both Japan and Europe, right?

>>4919408
KFC gave me my first really bad food poisoning as well.

>>4919837
No it inst.

Idk, 15 minutes?

I'm not sure why but usually when I go out to eat (fast food or restaurant) I usually rush for the bathroom the second I get back.

>>4919837
Why would you make things like that up?

There's something about filter coffee

Lots and lots of McD. Something like 4 burgers, fries and some chicken nuggets. I already felt weird when we left the place, and right after we got home I ran off to the toilet. 10-15 mins.

>>4919408
>>4919838
The last time I had KFC I shit my brains out too, but the weird thing is that my diarrhea was frothy.

>>4919392
I love eating green salads but they make my digestive tract go into overdrive.
The fastest must have been around one hour with horrible cramping and undigested lettuce and bell pepper exploding out of my ass after less than an hour.

>>4919947
I have the same issue too.
It's usually around 30 minutes to an hour, and then I'm shitting out all the undigested greenery.

>>4919392
Last week when my dad decided to feed the whole family uncooked burgers because WELL YOU CAN EAT STEAKS RARE CAN'T YOU

The worst part is knowing that I share genes with this guy.

9/10 times after eating taco bell I'm dropping deuce in like 10 or 15 minutes.

It's like a fast acting laxative for me.

I don't eat there often.

>>4919950
I love eating a bread roll with raw steak tartar and raw onion from time to time.
You just have to make sure it's fresh by getting it from a good source..

>>4919965

I read that as "dripping deuce"

Seems appropriate.

coffee in the morning, every time, every day

A hotdog at Wienerschnitzel. In fact, every time I've ate there, I've always had extreme shits or food poisoning.

Ate at Ponderosa buffet one night.

I was shitting liquid about 5 minutes after we left.

>>4919430
>it causes massive contractions of your entire GIT for 3 hours

That sounds painful.

>>4920297
For you.

Had a hotdog at 2pm. Was shitting out my internal organs at 8pm. Kept going all freaking night.

>>4920305
>Was shitting out my internal organs at 8pm

Rest in peace, anon.

i dont know about fastest, but last week i made a big pot of super hot chili and ate it for every meal

been on butt rest ever since

>>4920299
That's gay

Pizza from this one knockoff Chuck E Cheese place.

They start serving pizza at noon. At 12:15, there are lines for the bathrooms. I don't know what the fuck it's made out of, but it's fucking delicious.

Well you asked so I'll tell you. I went to a Japanese restaurant and ordered some ramen and they bring me this bowl of ramen with the approx. volume of a small bucket. After about an hour or so I got about 2/3 the way down before servers were giving me the "you should really think about leaving" look. I payed for my food, walked a block down to McDonalds, and had the biggest, wettest shit of my life. So about 10 minutes after I finished.