/ck/ - Food & Cooking

Owwwww.....
Ah man that hurts..

>>4702096
it's ok I stuck my dick in milk for a few minutes

>>4702004
Damn I did that as a kid except I decided to go masturbate. It was horrible it felt like Satan was giving me a handjob.

>Not always wearing gloves when you cut jalapenos

you deserve it

try bird chili....

try to take out your contact lenses after habaneros...
get on my level, cried like a little girl for hours

>>4702004
>>4702096
>>4702097
>>4702115
what am i reading

>>4702004
It's not the piss it's the hunan hand!

>>4702156
>cutting bird eye chillies
>runny nose
>go to wipe away snot
>nasal linings on fire, tears
>go to wipe away tears
>my eyes are on fire

>Being an inferior white male and being afraid of fucking Jalapenos

You fucks don't know hot

What is it with guys after cutting up spicy things that the first thing they think to themselves is how they have to pee? Wouldn't you at least pee beforehand? I could see accidentally rubbing your eyes but come on.

>>4702004
>implying jalapenos are hot

pleb

>eating Ghost Pepper Wings at bar. Forget about cut on my thumb.

oh gods, the pain.

>>4702333

Automated motions are a bitch sometimes.

>>4702004
Try going for a shit. I regret everything.

>went to grab some salt to shake on my corn
>grab the pepper instead
>don't realize it

my mouth exploded in searing pain

>>4702115
This happened once and I still couldn't stop.
I just let the burns happen, man.

>visiting 75 year old neighbor
>he suggests we hit up a taco truck for lunch
>head back to his garage to eat our kill
>he got this chopped steak burrito and taco combo
>hot peppers all over it
>juices drooling out of the burrito as he bites
>all over his hands
>he steps out around around the corner to piss
>didn't think to warn him

>>4702097

enjoy your infected penis

>>4702377
Cut one open and rub the juice on your dick.
Lets see how wrong you are.

>>4702429
You picked up the pepper shaker, shook pepper onto the corn, presumably covering it in enough pepper to cause you pain when you ate it. And you didn't notice that your corn was covered in black pepper before biting into it? Fuck off, your story doesn't even make sense.

>>4703451
who the fuck hangs out with their senior citizen neighbor to eat burritos in his garage while he pees outside right around the corner? what sort of lifestyle are you leading?

>>4702004
oh man mega death sauce on my hands and I start casually masturbating my dick became a fucking volcano

for future reference a water/bleach solution will neutralize the capcaicin.

>>4702004
>dat greentext combined with that image

I'm fucking dying here

Sorry for your pain anon, but your post is funny as fuck

>>4702115
I'm dying.

>Satan's handjob

>>4702224
>try to take out your contact lenses after habaneros...
...ouch. I'm feeling the pain.

>not putting jalapeño juice in your urethra to enhance masturbatory pleasure
Stay pleb, /ck/

>>4702224
>>4704534

and then the next day you have to decide whether to toss those contacts or put them back in.

being a cheap bastard i put it back in, and run around cursing and yelling for 5 minutes like I'm possessed, but then its OK.

then its time to do the other eye.

>>4704578
I just threw mine.

And it wasn't even habanero or japaleño, but comari [dunno the name in English - green, small, and hot as fuck].

>>4702358

as a white male I'll second this

>Be in high school
>one day notice local grocery store is selling scotch bonnet peppers for like a dollar a pound
>load the fuck up on them
>gonna take them to school for the lunch table
>go to school with them
>bag sitting on desk through first 4 periods
>everyone is asking me for peppers
>have tons, hand them out
>twin girls in one class, one of them has to go to the clinic, other one is fine
>go to lunch
>we all eat peppers
>friend starts choking and gasping, I get scared as fuck and buy a ton of milks for him
>ok he's fine crisis averted
>other guys all gasping for air
>thinking "haha pussies" at the time
>leave lunch
>still a bunch in bag
>hand them to someone I know who has the next lunch
>later, final period
>get called to clinic
>oh fuck here we go
>show up "DID YOU BRING PEPPERS TO SCHOOL?"


>systematically plagued the school with my relentless firey douchbaggery
>twin girl from earlier was actually allergic while her twin was not, they couldn't get her to breath unassisted for 50 minutes
>a bunch of kids rubbed pepper in their eyes
>more allergic kids all having breathing trouble
>kid I handed the bag to for the next lunch spread them out then handed them off to the NEXT lunch
>that lunch gets hit too
>sent about 50 kids to the clinic, around 10 critical

I am become spice destroyer of lungs

>not just keeping limes around for when you deal with hot peppers

>>4704608
My Lord.

>>4704608
>Topping a nice story with a Gita quotation
I'm screencapping this, not even joking.

Another time

>be young, spending a summer day at my aunt and uncles house while they grill for my family, swim in their pool and stuff
>uncle john grows his own tomatoes, other stuff on the screened in porch
>"Hey Joe, come try one of these"
>that's not a tomato
>ask what it is
>it's a pepper but it's not a hot one, the green ones are never spicy (fuck you uncle J)
>haha ok
>so I take it and eat a little more than half at once
>ok that wasn't so - OHOHOHOOHOHOHOHOHOHOHHOOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOH
>MY MOUTH IS IN AS MUCH PAIN AS MUSSOLINI BEING DRAGGED THROUGH THE STREETS
>grandfather stands up for me and says "J YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE THAT HES JUST A BOY" or some shit
>THANK YOU GRANDPA YOU ARE MY GREATEST ALLY
>grandpa: here joe take this water
>quickly grab and down the entire thing

I later found out that water was not water and in fact was vodka

fuck you too, grandpa

>>4704662
>not instantly knowing vodka from water
>grandparents wasting vodka on children
>not vomiting from chugging vodka as a kid

sure... that's how it happened.

I don't get it. Is OP's dick cut up or something? I've never had picante sensations on anything other than my gums, eyes and open cuts.

> stop jacking it so much

Pssh get on my level.

I scratched my balls once after cutting up 4 habeneros.

>using your hand to aim your penis when you go pee pee

>>4704749
yeah if its small enough it just shoots straight out

like a vagina

>>4704749
Hate to see what your toilet looks like

>>4704752
Sir, you just made my life better.

>>4703691

irony, learn it you thick cunt

>>4704742
were they fireballs afterward

>cutting Cayenne peppers to dehydrate them
>boyfriend comes to help
>neither of us think to wear gloves, we figure washing our hands really good will do it
>3 hours later he has a cayenne pepper'd dick and balls

I shouldn't have laughed, but the way he explained it; he went to scratch his balls, then his balls were on fire, then he washed his hands, then went to take a piss and then his dick was a-burnin'

Why cut them? wouldn't they work if you just pull out the stem and have the heat naturally lacerate them?

After experiencing it a few times, I went for the extreme.
>kitchen de-seeds many cayenne pepper
>collect handful of seeds
rub it all over cock and balls in the shower
>tfw cock and balls feels like either on fire or in ice
>tfw want to pull off genitals
>run them in water for over half hout to relieve
feels good man

made the same mistake taking when i tried to take out my contact lenses.

so many tears....

>>4702004
It can even make superman cry.

Or rubbing eyes, nose, or touching any part of your face.

From now on I use gloves to cut peppers.

>>4706073
Having that happen like once a month actually improves the health of your eyes because of all the extra blood that flows to the area.

>>4702004

well that's why you don't pull your foreskin back all the way

oh wait, you don't have foreskin, do you...?

>>4702004
Rub your eyes.
It will make you forget about the burning sensation on your dick.

Am I the only one who enjoys the sensation of a chili dick.

>>4703702
I dunno, but it sounds fucking awesome.

>>4706163
No

it doesn't

>>4706093
Stop trying to start shit

Speaking of this thread
>writing hand's wrist started hurting a lot recently
>buy some arthritis/pain relief ointment to put on it
>doesn't feel like it does anything after putting some on, slather a whole bunch more on and rub it in
>feels like bengay but warm
>go to bed a couple hours later
>notice wrist/arm heat is getting progressively worse
>minutes later feels like I shoved my arm up a volcano's anus
>check package information in case I'm having a bad reaction or something
>capsaicin

>>4707249
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

>>4702097

WHEATON!!!!!!!!!!

>>4702362

Heat > Water >Peepee

>>4702004
ahhh shit OP i have one from two nights ago
>be me, /fit/izen working for a startup, gotta be up at 6am
>evening workout still got me pumped, cant sleep
>take a shower, decide to prepare lunch for next day before i go to bed
>spicy tuna salad, fuuuck yahh
nawwww i don't need a glove this time, its just one pepper
>clean up the kitchen, pick my nose, boot up some porn, sounds like bed time
>5min later, haven't even gotten to the butt stuff, my nose starts burning.
fuck it. too horny. keep fapping
>my eyes are watering
>it starts with a tingle...
>and suddenly my cock erupts in flames as i realize i've been vigorously rubbing it in this whole time
i suddenly realize i find my own desperation somehow arousing
>i.... i'm about to finish?
>cum buckets. my mind is full of fuck.
>sprint to the kitchen, tear open a carton of heavy whipping cream
>cover my hands and stick my fingers up my burning nose
realize im standing in my kitchen at 1am fucking a carton of cream and sticking my creamy fingers up my nose
>mfw my shame level is over 9000