/ck/ - Food & Cooking

Isn't that the shit that saved millions of people around the world from bacterial infections?

>>4213540
Only the white mold is.

>baked out of my mind
>pour myself a glass of milk
>don't realize it's spoiled until the last sip when a chunk of sour milk rolls around my tongue
>don't know whether to throw up or not
>projectile vomit anyways an hour later

>>4213549
>white mold
What? OP's pic is one mold, not two.

>Stumble home drunk from uni one night
>Decide to make bacon sandwich to eliminate chances of a hangover the next day
>Cook that shit
>Eat half a sandwich
>It tasted a bit funky
>Inspect other half
>It's yellow, with green/grey patches and smells like it was cooked in piss and fish organs
>Throw up
>Realise i used my flat mates bacon rather than mine
>My flat mate moved out 3 weeks ago..
>mfw

>be tired/recently sick
>eyes half closed rummaging through fridge
>grab an apple
>take a bite
>most sickening slooshy squish noise ever
>look at the apple and the fucker is wiggling around
>just ate a god damn worm


TL;DR cut your fruit

>>4213551

That ain't so bad

>Be drunk, home at 2 am
>Desperately dehydrated thanks to hard alcohol
>Go for milk, chug a good 1/4 of it like I tend to do
>Pass out in bed
>Stomach ache at 7 am
>Blow chunks of milk all over the toilet
>Literally just curdled chunks, no fluid whatsoever
>Dehydrated, forgot what happened, so I chugged another 1/4 again
>Doctor's appointment at 9am
>Road feels 10x bumpier than anything I felt before
>Get there, park, go to the door.
Fell it coming, try to puke in bushes
>Puke on shirt
>Get my shots covered in puke
>No one says anything
>Go home

I switched doctors the next day.

>Decide to drink bottled milk from vending machine
>Thirsty as fuck. Go chug it down
>Suddenly swallowing thick rotten milk
>Throw up

>>4213540
It's the mold that came from a glorious uncut penis. That's why it was called Peniscilum.

uncut master race:1
americans: -0

>make hamd sammich
>take first bite
>whats that? lettuce?
>pulls something out of my mouth
>long hair pulled out between my front two teeth
>proceed to finish sammich

didnt bother me, not sure why

>Be in college
>Get back from ~8 straight hours of class (I had a three day week that semester)
>Tired as fuck, but also hungry
>Turn on computer, get Netflix going, turn down lights
>Tear pieces off bread and dip in Nutella
>Later, turn on light
>Bread is covered in mold
>Throw out bread and Nutella
>Feel grossed out for a while
>Was physically totally fine

>>4213586
pansy
I ate a meal worm burrito
very tasty

worst thing I ever ate:
>riding on bike
>feel a tap on my chest
>look down, see weird yellow, black, white, purple swirled bird shit of every consistency you can imagine, from runny mucous to solid chunk running down my jacket
>exclaim disgust while immediately wiping it off
>while mouth is slightly ajar in disgust, another load square in the kisser, and across the left side of my head

>be me
>be 8
>see frozen yogurt in freezer
>turns out it was frozen meat fat from ground beef
>disgusted
>want to rinse mouth out
>grab milk
>rotten fucking milk
twice in a row
>fuck me right?

>Be 8 or 9
>Pour myself a bowl of raisin bran
>add milk
>eat a spoonful
>midchew realize there are tons of tiny insects floating around in my milk

>be a couple years ago
>woken up in the middle of the night
>bored as shit, so i decide that nows the time to eat that bag of nacho cheese bugles
>sit on my bed in the dark eating these tasty fuckers
>1/4 of the bag remains, when all of the sudden i take a bite into a terrible tasting soft bugle
>spit it out into my trash can
>cautiously finish the bag
>mfw every time I eat bugles now

Worst thing I have had is off custard.
I have a fear of eating off shit accidentally so I usually inspct every inch of every slice of bread I use, or If I buy vending machine drinks, or milk drinks, I take the tiniest sip first to make double sure its fine.

>>4213537

I once accidentally put some onions that was a bit ... decayed, I guess, in a stew. It gave it a rather nice flavor, but I only found out much later that the onion was in fact slightly rotten.

There's one other time, but I guess it's more in the realm of "I'll try and see".

>10 years old
>riding in my dad's truck
>hershey's kiss on the floor
>"eh it's probably still good"
>bite the tip to make sure
>maggot crawls out

I have kind of a phobia for mold. Is that normal?

>>4214171

no. thats your brain protecting you from eating horrible expired foodstuffs.

I almost took a swig of a dr. pepper that was out in my basement all night because i was really thirsty but decided i didnt want to because it was warm.

went to pour it out and there were maybe 30-50 ants crawling around/dead in it.

sweat.jpg

>>4214171
>>4214177

i meant yes.
sorry brainfart.

>be eating grandma's cooking
>roast beef i think, or some sort of beef
>take a bite, seems okay at first
>all of a sudden, pull out of my mouth a huge thick string
>mfw i think it was a rat tail

>>4214191
It was probably butcher's twine man...

>bite into sandwich
>bread is dry
I've thrown many sandwiches away because of this.

>stubble home after a good hard days drinking
>5 in the morning so all the local fast food places are closed
>not to worry I have oven chips and fish fingers
>stick them in the oven
>proceed to flip them and shit exactly when needed
>fuck yeah drunk and I'm still rocking this shit
>plate up
>bite into first fish finger
>cold
>mfw I forgot to turn the oven on
>mfw I still ate it all

>>4214239
lol this is great

>Sitting in step-brothers room.
>Dark as balls.
>He has minifridge under desk.
>We're faffing about on TF2.
>Find small circular bag of vanilla-oreo-likes in minifridge.
>Eat one.
>Eat another.
These taste sweet, but different than I expected.
>Closely expect them.
>White shell has turned green.
>On all of them.
>Spit everything in my mouth out of his window.
>Chug Pepto, never throw up.

>>4213537
Fucking this.
Except I'd added fried egg on top too
...couple of bites in...

>drunk, tired
>don't turn the lights all the way on
>make sandwich
>use best shit i have in the fridge
>take bite, tastes weird
>turn lights on
>mold
>look at bread bag, tons of fucking mold
>check the bag next to it, more mold
>check the buns, mold

then i stopped living like that

>>4214068
Not all mold is bad.
If it didn't taste funky and you weren't sick afterwards, it was probably good for you.

>>4214130

Yup happened to me to anon.

I every remember the cereal it was. It was those fruit filled shredded wheat.

I think I ate half the bowl before I realised the little tiny black floaters were. It's 20 years later and I STILL check my cereal out for a sec as it pours and after milk is added.

>>4214169

My mom hid a box of chocolates from us kids in her closet once.

I found it and just as I was about to bite a piece I noticed a little hole in it. I broke it apart in my hand and big ol yellow maggot was pissed.

>>4214211
>not just throwing the bread away and putting the insides in new bread

wasteful.

My mother is a jack of many trades, however, cooking is not one of them

She used to make maple fudge in batches when my brother and I was younger. One particular occasion it did not set to the way she wanted it to/the right consistency. She then decided to
thicken the substance using oatmeal and pieces of apple.
She called this creation, "AppleJacks"
After one piece each, no one wanted another one ever.

She tried feeding it to us by putting various pieces in our desserts for lunches, dessert for after dinner, and snacks after school. My brother and I ended up hiding them in a cupboard in my kitchen that no one used. Everyone forgot about them for about a month or two until they were found.

Now, My mother is adamant on not wasting food for any reason, regardless of the fact that she isnt a very good chef, (she only cooks on annually on Christmas at best) so you could imagine what she tried to do once she found it? Feed it back to us trying to sell us on the idea that they hadnt gone off despite it looking related to a rainbow. She never ate 1 piece and I was nearly convinced she was trying to poison us.

this thread man

>Drunk as fuck
>Open crisper drawer to grab an onion
>Something goes squish
>"Wait, what?"
>Look down
>Entire crisper drawer was a puddle of rotten shit
>Wrestle the drawers out of the fridge and chuck into my backyard
>Sanitize the fridge with a massive hangover the next day

Apparently when my roommate spills something in the fridge, he just cleans up the shelves and lets the rest drain into the crisper.

He has his own fridge, now.

>In Houston
>Hurricane time
>Power goes out
>its hot and dark and my dad comes in, flashlight on, and hands me a package of sweet dried figs for a snack and I eat in silence next to my brother, who gets a similar package of dried figs
>nom away
>4 figs down, dad comes in, shines a light on my face, and im holding a ball of fur
>scream like mad
>all figs in my bag are literally balls of fur
and my brother didn't have a single fucking furry fig

>>4214239
>eating an entire plate of frozen chips
>with frozen fish fingers
>why.jpg

>>4213537
>at work
>order comes in
>spinach salad with goat cheese
>make salad
>get goat cheese on fingers
>waitress takes salad
>eat fingercheese
>tastes moldy
>look at cheese
>one side is completely green
>oh god

>Eating crack seed (Chinese preserved fruit)
>Find dead fly
>Fly encrusted in salt and same stuff as the seeds, so it didn't die there after the fact
>Not overly disgusted, but don't want to continue
>Mom takes bag back to store, returns with new bag
>Eating crack seed...

One night, I opened a can of some energy drink and fell asleep without finishing it. Next morning, I went to take a huge swig and an awful black tide swarmed over my face.
Fucking ants had climbed into my juice.

>>4214349
>tequila
>whiskey
>gin

>>4214363
Done that. Got up one morning and grabbed unfinished cup of soda from the night before to take to kitchen. I mindlessly took a sip and looked down in the cup. Full of ants.

>buy a loaf of bread from trader joes with a gift card
>white spot on outside of "artesanal" bread, assume its just flour
>halfway through loaf white spots now have green centers

>>4213620
Go home /b/.

>Go to make ham sammich
>Forget to check sell by date
>Slide fingers through decomposing ham

>>4214191
You know beef joints are tied up with string right?

why do so many people here talk about ants in their drinks?are you living in africa or some shithole of a country?

Buy a castello on sale, usually nothing bad if you eat it that night.
I NEARLY DIED FROM THE AMMONIA FUCK, and i LIKE ripe cheese.

Usually the smell lets me know straight away but fuck if it wasnt lying

>prepare ovaltine
>leave it out on counter for a day
>find dead fly floating
>take it out, boil ovaltine, drink it

My mum told me this.
When I was little I loved kidney, so she used to slice it up really small and stew it. One day when she was slicing it my dad came in, grabbed a couple of slithers and ate it raw because it looked like grated chocolate.

>housemate freezes vegetables because FUCK KNOWS WHY
>defrosts them a month later in fridge
>they rot and turn to mush instantly
>green beans get webbing of cotton like mould
>mfw they take the mould off and cook the, now black, rotten beans
>use the now brown and structureless carrots to make curry
>there's still viscous black liquid in the fridge that had oozed out of the carrots
>suddenly I don't feel so bad about eating slightly out of date camembert

>pee in empty orange juice carton next to bed and go to sleep
>half asleep in the morning, feel a carton of orange juice
>take a big gulp, nope not orange juice

>>4214556
well...what was it then, anon?

>>4214586
Grape juice.

>>4214590

>>4213540
no, only a specific strain

and all of the mycotoxins that would've been produced on the bread didn't save anybody from anything

>>4213586
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
>finding half a worm

>drunk and eating orange chicken
>fall asleep
>wake up still hungry
>eat the orange chicken that had been sitting out for a couple hours
>couple pieces in I look at what I'm eating
>ants all over food
They were covering the shit. It was impressive

>Live in roach infested house
>See 75% filled can of pepsi
>Figure one of my siblings forgot about it today
>"Well their loss"
>Drank a sip
>No roaches
>Swig it
>Mouth filled with roaches
>Spit it out in sink
>Oh god
>Asked around and sister left it last night

>>4214603

>my sides
>in orbit

>Super tired, go to eat a banana nut muffin
>Well that sucks, only some of them are decorated with confectioner's sugar
>Fuck it, I'm going to eat one with the sugar on it
>Go to eat a bite and start to wake up
>Wait, that's not sugar

>>4214501

Nope, I live in Scotland.

>>4214664
If you're too poor to afford an exterminator, you're too poor to be buying soda. Typical trash. Drink water and save your fucking money.

>decide to make meatloaf
>get all the ingredients in a bowl
>handful of bread crumbs
>mix it in
>think it needs more
>look into container
>bugs
>bugs everywhere
>throw out everything
>cereal for dinner

Now I make my meatloaf with oatmeal

>>4214689
>implying my siblings didn't buy soda with their own money
>implying neighboring houses didn't have roaches coming into our house
>implying we didn't go to college
>implying my family didn't move out into a bigger nicer house

>>4214689
there are two strains of permavirgin: those who accept it; and those who take it out on 4chan.

You, my friend, fall into the latter of those two categories,

>>4214678
cocaine :O

>>4214701
I'm a person who chooses not to live in filth

>>4214705
>implying you don't masturbate in your own filth

>>4214290

lol, I would've been PISSED how long was it in there fore?

-----------------------------------------------------------------

You say Taylor Swift, I say Korn
You say Lady Gaga,I say Paramore
You say Miley Cyrus,I say $lipknot
You say T-Paine,I say Red Hot Chili Peppers
You say Emanem,I say Linkin Park
You say Justin Beiber, I say System of a Down

98% of teens have turned to main stream music.If you are part of the 4% that still listens to real music, copy and paste this message to your sig. DONT LET ROCK "N" ROLL DIE !

>>4214590
But who was phone?

>>4214719
>>4214719
>You say Taylor Swift, I say Korn
>You say Lady Gaga,I say Paramore
>You say Miley Cyrus,I say $lipknot
>You say T-Paine,I say Red Hot Chili Peppers
>You say Emanem,I say Linkin Park
>You say Justin Beiber, I say System of a Down
>98% of teens have turned to main stream music.If you are part of the 4% that still listens to real music, copy and paste this message to your sig. DONT LET ROCK "N" ROLL DIE !

i-is that...is that like a forum sig you've, er, attempted there?

>>4214727
MY DAD IS DED

>>4214729
No. It's ironic.

I hope.

Captcha: nspeing psychatric

>>4214727
I HAVE STORY I WAS AT HOME
I WAS GO TO SLEEP WHEN TIRED
BUT WAKE UP BECAUSE AT DOOR!!!
I GO TO DOOR!! I OPEN NOBODY WAS THERE!!!
IT WAS FONE

>>4214736
This was directed to
>>4214732

>>4214736
Ironic shitposting is still shitposting

>>4213623
Becaaaause, hair isn't disgusting?

I don't understand people who are grossed out by it.

>>4214814
I only get grossed out if it's already in my mouth and I pull it out otherwise I'll just flick it off. I don't know what their hygiene is like.

> 15 years ago, living with parents and sister
> wake up in the morning, eyesight isn't at 100% yet so I can't get focused images
> find an open box of blueberry muffins parents bought the night before from a generic grocery store, with all 6 pieces still there
> beast one down and go watch Power Rangers
> sister wakes up, says OOOOOH, MUFFINS
> she takes one and starts eating
> I come because I want a second muffin. Eyesight at 100% now
> Take a closer look and 999999 sugar ants are on each muffin and are crawling everywhere on the dark brown table
> Tell her my observation
> She pukes
> I realized ants taste like nothing

>>4214814
I hate loose hair. It gets stuck in my beard.

>>4214501
What the actual fuck?

>>4214719
what the fuck is this shit

>>4214719
>dat signature
>every time

>>4214856
Ryan Gosling is so cute.

>about to make some spaghetti-o's for lunch
>be 9
>open up the can
>all is well
>start pouring into bowl
>things are normal still
>getting to the end of the can
>about an inch of sand pours out into my bowl I shit you not
>it was way more of a wtf then being grossed out
>I even felt it to make sure it was sand, it was
>how does this even happen
>throw it away and question the universe for a few hours.

>Ate some nutella
>had sex with it
>mfw I ate the same nutella the next day

>>4214719

>Linkin Park more "real music" than Eminem

Your shitty signature thing fails.

>>4214351

>licking food off your hands in a restaurant instead of just using a napkin

holy fuck are you 9?

>>4214919
>2013
>getting trolled by something from pre 2010
>Making me reuse memes from 2012
>i shiggedy diggedy bippedy boppedy bibbedy shibbedy dippedy dopedyy doo

>Try to make stiry fry first time
>Get ginger root to grind over that bitch, getting legit
>Resulting meal is alright, but there's this odd, bitter sharpness to it, wonder if it's the ginger since I've never used it before, It thought I liked ginger though, maybe I messed up somewhere on my first stir try
>Eat the whole thing anyway
>Next time I go to make stirfry next day
>Grab same ginger root
>Realize there's white fuzzy hair bursting out of holes all over the place, I see no yellow except where I shaved off yesterday
>Is that mold? How fast does ginger go bad? Would it look like this?
>Take to google
>Yep, that's mold

Went to the store and bought a ginger root that was NOT rancid and moldy, and the stir fry tasted much better

>Be like 13-15
>Thirsty
>Go to the fridge to get some milk
>Find delicious milk
>Ask sister "This isnt old is it?
>"No, if it was old it would be in the trash"
>Drink
>Feel lumps going down my throat
>Mfw, when the milk was two months old

>>4214972
Surely the smell as soon as you opened it would be a giveaway.

>>4214972

So you never look at the best before?

>>4214981
That idea didn't strike me untill afterwards.
Now i always check though, for obious reasons

my milk starts to separate after two weeks past its date. I suppose it would be a guessing game if it was in a carton and not a plastic jug I can see through.

>At work
>Friend is walking to RiteAid next door and asks if I want anything
>Have her get me a Chocolate Milk
>Shake
>Drink
>Tastes a bit funny, but nothing too bad, probably just got a bit warm
>about 1/2 gone
>Lift up more to drink
>large(about the size of a ping pong ball) clump of horror hits my mouth.
>feel instantly sick, not sure what to do
>never get sick, never throw up

I ended up buying another chocolate milk about a month later from the same place and the same thing happened, I now don't shop there at all.

BTW, I had a quick Q, how many grams/ounces is 1 baby potato?

>people leave their packaged or canned food/drinks open
>people don't practice proper food storage

are you all savages

I'm extremely cautious so the worst things I've eaten are normal.

Small bits of mold.
Sip of old milk
Moth maggots that live in rice (cooked)

>really really baked
>all of a sudden I'm absolutely, completely starving
>remember I have a bunch of frozen burritos
>hell yeah I'm having those
>do an awesome job of perfectly cooking those bad boys in the oven
>cover in cheese, sour cream, salsa
>looks like an absolute master piece
>carry them back to the living room so I can feast in front of the tv
>trip over rug
>food everywhere
>on the floor, on the wall, on the sofa
>cry
>get spoon and save what I can
>mwf I'm constantly picking out little bits of hair and dirt
>

>>4215002
I've practiced very good food storage after a bad bout of carpenter ants in my kitchen. But I gag when I read people drinking an old can of soda that has been sitting out over night. It's old, warm and flat. Throw it out.

I have no sense of smell so this happens all the time

>>4214130
just reading this one almost made me vomit

One morning I was quite tired and poured my first cup of delicious french press coffee. Took a nice sip and there's something in my mouth that is definately not liquid-like. Spit it out and it's a wasp.

>12 y/o
>Pick a banana to eat out of the blue.
>Peel it, bite it.
>It's hard to munch.
>Ask my mother about it.
>She says it's a plantain she bought to fry that night.
>It's a fucking plantain.
>We still laugh about it.

>>4214130
Similar thing happened to me.
We had some chocolate cake leftovers and i wanted to eat a piece. I was alone, i came from school.
Took a piece and bit it. And then i saw the piece covered in ants. They were cold days, they were inside the house and we didn't cover the cake good enough.
Some were stuck in the covering, struggling out of their sweet demise.
My tongue had stings from an hour and a half. You made me remember swallowing that cake bite, with the ants wriggling down my throat when i noticed

>lived in dozens of different houses growing up
>never had ant problems

what gives?

I dont have a story involving bugs or anything, but once when I come home after a night at the city drunk and was mad hungry I ate some raw bacon. Quite a bit of it. Was good actually, didnt get sick either.

I've got two.

>Be 15
>Craving some crackers
>Find an unopened packet of ritz bitz, alright!
>Halfway through the packet
>Glance down at packet to open it further, see black bugs crawling around all over the crackers now.
>Must've been activated by me eating their buddies
>Run upstairs and spit out my current mouthfull
>Black bugs all over it
>Never touch a cracker again

And my second one was just as bad.

>Have apple tree in front yard
>Damn fucking birds and squirrels eat half an apple and move on to another apple like the wasteful cunts that they are
>Find one perfectly untouched apple, no worm holes, no scratches, no soft spots
>Take apple inside and wash it then get in my car to go to work
>Eating the most delicious apple when I'm stopped at an intersection
>Suddenly, the apple tastes bitter, with the consistency of sawdust, and an awful other flavor I can't quite place
>Look down, halfway through my apple, it's started rotting from the inside out
>I just took a huge black and molded bite
>I jump out of my car, the other cars around me looking on as I spit and rinse with my water bottle and gag.
>Put car in nearby gas station and look into mirror
>My back molars still have the black gunk from the apple stuck in their crevice (I usually have sealants, but not this time mother fucker)
>Can't get the taste out no matter what I do
>Was late for work, couldn't find any toothbrushes in the gas station
>Crying all day when the flavor washes back over my tongue

Jesus fuck there's something seriously wrong with your lifestyles, I've literally never found rotten food in my house.

>>4214968
He works their you mongoloid. Which is worse quite frankly.

>>4214814
TBH hair is one of the dirtier things on your body. Personally if it's my hair in my food I don't give a shit. If it's someone I know, it's a little gross but I still don't care.

However if I'm in a restaurant and I get hair in my food I send it back. I have NO IDEA who's hair it is, where on their body it came from, and how clean they are.

>>4215116
Prob cause you're poor as shit and never have any food in the house!

>Be 15/16, bike 30 miles every weekend. Have a habit of stopping by McDonalds halfway there and cute cashier lets me fill up my water bag with powerade.
>Get older, run out of weekend time, forget about this
>Be 18, all of the water in my house is off for three days, is like 95 degrees out
>I really need some water, maybe there is still some water in the old biking water bag
>Oh sweet there is
>Take a huge gulp
>Almost met with St. Peter that day.

>>4215145
so you drank three year old powerade?

>be 10
>find an ecto cool hi-c juice box
>haven't had one of these in fucking years!
>my mom sees it
>tells me not to drink it its spoiled
>Fuck You I Won't Do What They Tell Me.flac
>its delicious
>10 minutes later
>proceed to vomit for the next 4 hours
>the juice was spoiled
>from the previous year
>my mom's face when

>>4214501
...ants are everywhere dude

>Working nightshift. wake up 7pm and go upstairs
>Notice my roommate had made french toast with texas toast no less!!
>Placed three pieces on plate, put powdered sugar, strawberries and syrup on it.
>cut a few pieces and take a bite....

SPIT IT OUT IMMEDIATELY!! IT WAS FRIED TOFU!!!!!

>>4214282
I gotta be careful, a few people in my family are allergic to penicillin and similar drugs, and my brother once had an allergic reaction to what was apparently penicillin mold. I've only ever had amoxicillin, I don't know if I'm just magically fine with that one or not.

>>4214421
Did this one time making a sandwich in the dark. Put my hand in the bag of meat and it felt like a mass of shit.

I don't have any rotten/spoiled stories, but this has happened to me plenty of times

>be a young tyke, no older than 8 years old
>younger sisters aren't old enough for school, my mom takes care of them at home
>get home from school
>find 2-3 cookies on the table, seemingly untouched
>"sweet, cookies!"
>take a bite
>they're fucking mush because my sisters would dip half of in milk, drink the milk, then go prance off somewhere without finishing the cookie
>what the actual fuck

>>4215152

Yeah, closer examination of the bag had mold growing all the way through it.

I probably could have submitted it to science and either discovered a new chemical agent or the cure for cancer.

>Rented a condo in Florida on vacation, they left behind some pastries wrapped in plastic.
>Didn't check expiry and bit into it.
>Looked down and it was white with mold and crawling with ants

>>4215213
I hope you learned your lesson about table cookies.

>spend the day catching crabs
>clean and cook them myself
>shake some old-bay on
>there's little specs of black in the old bay, figure it's just clumping
>eat the crabs
>take a closer look at the specs halfway through my last crab
>they're beetles
>tiny beetles
>tiny beetles infested my can of old bay
>i ate a shitload of tiny beetles

>>4215219
Who the fuck eats shit that was left in a house by the previous owners?

>>4215228
My retarded ass.

>buy some shitty cheap cactus juice because the box looked so weird at a low quality store
>get home
>chug it from the box
>tastes like bitter shit
>drink half of it anyway
>realize it's pretty clogged up
>get a glass and try to poor some up
>brown/gray liquid is pouring out
>check what's clogging it up
>wet, black fur

I threw it away instantly and started vomiting all over everywhere like never before. I decided I didn't want to know or see what it really was, even though I'm fairly certain it was a rotten rat in hindsight. I'm glad I didn't get to see all of it.

>at bar drinking with buddies
>had several beers
>playing pool
>Time to head home
>start cleaning our shit up, cause we're sirs
>find lonely beer bottle with a little bit of something in the bottom
>think "No sense letting good beer go to waste"
>slam that shit down fast
>hear from the other end of the bar...
>"THAT'S MY SPIT BOTTLE"
>ohshit.jpg
>taste of rotten chewing tobacco starts coming up my throat
>grab nearby bottle of mustard
>drink it like a starving baby on the tit
>kills the taste
>didn't puke, had a great night

mfw

>>4215243
That was so fucking stupid. You deserved it.

>>4215244
Eh, didn't give a fuck. Didn't get sick, still had a good time, and I will forever sniff my beer bottle before I drink from it.

>be 9
>mom makes me hot chocolate from the packet
>drink like 2/3s of it
>get something weird in mouth
>spit it out
>its a fucking maggot
>dump out mug
>bottom is filled with maggots
>vomit everywhere

>>4215285
how?

>>4215299
I guess they were in the packet of hot chocolate mix and my mom was too retarded to not notice and give it to me? I learned at an early age not to trust my mom because she's fucking retarded and doesn't pay attention to anything.

>>4215017
I think we can all relate to that feel ;_;
only I'm drunk, not high.

>>4215306
Wow that must be awful to realize something like that when you are still a kid.

I had a girlfriend once that grew up with a mother like that. I'm convinced that was why the girlfriend was bat shit crazy.

>>4215021
old, warm and flat cola is best cola
If there was a way to buy any sort of still soda, I would

>>4215326
Yeah, it did suck. What can you do?

She was always terrible at parenting stuff. I got out of there as soon as I turned 18.

>>4215331
so you want caramel colored, caffeinated sugar water?

>Love broccholi as a child
>My friends always let me eat the broccholi off their plates
>Travel during summer vacation
>Come back after two months
>Find a bunch of quite old broccholi in fridge
>Looks fine, smells fine, sounds fine
>My mom decideds to cook it before it spoils
>Pouring out the water
>See a 2-inch long, bright red catterpillar in the sink
>Same colour as boiled crayfish
>Take some of the Broccholi and shake it
>Dozens of red catterpillars fall out

Didn't so much as touch broccholi for the next couple of years

>making big omelette for breakfast
>crack two eggs in a bowl
>crack third
>plop
>blood everywhere
>half-formed chicken foetus floating in eggs
>breakfast is ruined
>go vegan

>>4215360
>not eating the fetus raw
fucking pleb

>>4215360
what a sissy

>eat chunk of salami
>tastes a bit weird
>look at remaining salami
>hole on side
>look at cut end
>white bit wiggles at me
>salami leaves my hand and flies 20 metres out the window of its own accord
NOPENOPENOPENOPENOPE

>>4215371
>no recoil
>guy is still standing
confirmed for full of shit

>>4215377
It's a pretty short loop and you can see the muzzles swaying a fair bit towards the end.

>>4215243
I had one similar.
> Playing vidya drinking beer
> put beer on coffee table
> not really noticing the other can
> grab can from table during save or whatever and chug
> slippery and not beer
> oh god it was my room mates spit can, at least no tobacco, but i still had to puke.

fuck me.

>>4215387
oh baby i almost dry heaved with this one

>>4214130
This happened to my friend over the summer. He was staying the week at my house.
I was mortified because there were ants in MY food.
He was cool, though. He will never eat cereal at my house again, or at least not Cocoa Puffs.

>>4215017
am i screwed up? i couldn't help to think of spaghetti from this story.

>>4215398
i still dry heave when i think about it, i think getting a cigarette butt in your mouth from a can is easier to handle than this shit.

not NEARLY as cringe worthy as most of these stories,

>Be 14, love milk, literally drink only milk until just recently(I'm 24)
>my mom is a horrible house cleaner, and I am lazy as shit
>cups line the counter near the sink waiting to get into said sink once it was emptied
>grab a clean cup
>place on counter, turn my back and grab milk
>pour into what I thought was my clean cup
>drink, "whats this horrible fizzy citrus taste?"
>I placed my clean cup next to a identically looking cup that was half full of a few days old 7-up

I still EVERY time I pour milk into a cup I check the bottom, if I am ever unsure that the cup I placed on the counter is my cup I will literally clean all cups and start over

I have an opposite story, one time me and my friend were leaving town hopping on the freeway when everything becomes sweet, life is just suddenly nice and sweet and wonderful
then i realize its the leaking truck in front of us that just left the sugar factory

>halloween
>apple bobbing
>someone put razorblades in the apples

>>4215077
>>I jump out of my car, the other cars around me looking on as I spit and rinse with my water bottle and gag.
>>Put car in nearby gas station and look into mirror
lol, i love stopping at stoplights, opening mh door and puking water after a night of heavy drinking, lol

even funnier seeing other people do it, lol

>>4215554
I did that, but with a soapy cup and chocolate milk.
god dammit.

>hungry
>cook up some soft pre-made ravioli, the kind that you keep in the fridge
>make a sauce and everything
>eat them fast and furious
>suddenly realize the texture of the filling feels a bit strange
>what's the filling in these anyway?
>open one up
>a dead worm
>the actual filling is half eaten, surrounded by worm shit/eggs
>s-surely not
>open another one
>there is a worm in every single one, the only difference is the quantity of wormshit
>I ate about a dozen already
>mfw

Now I can't eat ravioli without first thoroughly checking each one for worms.

>>4215781

>>4215781
these stories would be even better if you listed your general location/country/state/whatever.

>>4215831
How would that make them better?

Jesus Christ what is wrong with you people it's like you don't inspect the food or drink you consume at all.

And all of you making food or eating it in the dark, what in the fuck? Is cooking in the dark really that common?
Fuck I inspect all the food I eat, no way am I gonna make a sandwich with moldy bread cause I fucking LOOK at what I'm putting into my food and I SMELL what I'm drinking. bloody fuck guys

>>4215781
>eating pistachios with a friend
>casually happen to glance down at the one I'm currently unshelling
>nut is covered in dried worms

and since then, I always look at whatever I'm unshelling.

>>4215848
So that if you live in america he can say "oh, ok". But if you live anywhere else he can spend the rest of the night talking about how shitty your 3rd world country is.

>>4215857
>America
>not basically 3rd world

>>4215855
I do that anyways.
How do you people not inspect everything before it goes into your mouth?

>>4215847
Do you actually cut premade ravioli open when you cook them?

>>4215870
I sure do now.

>>4215870
I cut them when I eat them.

>>4215857
>living in Americlapland

hahaha, no thanks

>have fever, be really tired and finally manage to fall asleep
>wake up during the night, totally dehydrated and thirsty
>grab a bottle of water next to me, forget to turn on brain
>one liter of water dumped on my face, the pillow the blanket, the matress, everything is soaking wet
>its to late and im to tired to take care of it, throw towels everywhere and try falling asleep again
Something as simple as drinking water has never been so adventurous

>>4215876
Gaaaaaaaaaaaay.

>>4215872
I think I'm going to live off nothing but spaghetti from now on.

>>4215876
Mine were the bite sized ones.
Not actual ravioli but cappelletti, I'm just used to calling them that.

>>4215349
>broccholi

>>4215890
I see, but still.
I don't see how anyone could make like a sandwich and not notice there was mold on the bread. Don't people flip their bread over and look at both sides? Or smell their drink before drinking it or anything like that... seems like just a little bit of attention paid to what they're eating could have prevented a lot of this stuff

>end of term
>go on night out, get hammered
>come back
> vomit on bed and floor
> early train next morning
>leave room for five week Christmas break

that was a low point in my early University education

Most of the worst things I've eaten usually involves bad milk in cereal.
But I did find an old wad of chewed up gum in my corn pops once.
That was fucking awful.

Also, one time after eating some watermelon I started feeling sick like 20 minutes later.

I threw up every 15 minutes for 12 hours straight.
Like fucking clockwork.
The only thing that made me feel better was drinking a lot of water.
I just kept throwing up and drinking water and throwing up.

I started to get dehydrated. I was sure I was going to die.

Now I can never eat watermelon.

>>4215903
No shit idiot, most of those stories begun with either "it was dark" or "I was stoned", this isn't about how mean food tricked us into eating it even though we were totally careful, it's about awful shit we ate.

>In store
>Pile of plastic milk bottles in the middle for some reason
>One has a thick layer of whatthefuck at the top
>hmmm.rtf
>Shake that fuck up
>Bottle explodes
>mfw
>hour journey home reeking of rotten milk

there's still a stain on the ceiling there, 8 years on.

>perfectly browned chicken
>can of coconut milk
>garlic
>brown sugar

It was like a white trash thai curry.

>>4215956
Where was the accidentally part of that?

>Dad gets a new car
>awesome 7 seater, two seats right at the back with a "secret compartment"
>me and my brother stock it with food and drink for long trips
>one night we go to pick up mum from work
>I crack open the stash and open up some ribena
>sip
>fucker tastes like red wine
>hold it up to the light
>some fucking weird strand of (i don't know what the fuck it was)
>looked like the kind of shit you see in pandemic films, kind of viral looking container thing
>mfw i just drank some rank ass ribena

>>4215993
>fucker tastes like red wine

You know you're an alcoholic when you read this and think of how you would have tried to drink the whole thing.

>>4215967
he accidentally the whole thing

>>4215997
This was when we were kids by the way, so the taste of red wine in a ribena bottle was alarming as fuck

>Hmmm I think I want some toast
>open up a loaf of bread
>instantly realise it's out of date
>can see mould on the top slice
>phew that was close
>put it in the bin
>bin is pretty full so i have to push it down
>slam my hand down on the motherfucking loaf
>CLOUD OF MOULD ERUPTS FROM THE PACKAGING
>I INHALE PURE AERIAL MOULD
>run to the sink and drink water and scrub my arms

That was a fucking quarantine moment right there, I didn't know what the fuck was going on.

>eating egg rolls at viet place
>notice a crumb on plate
>crumb be little deep fried cockroach
>stare
>finish eating egg rolls

>>4215951
oh man this one made me laugh.

most of my experiences are pretty tame, and i haven't had anything bad lately.

worst was probably dumping a package of ramen into a pot of boiling water and realizing that it was full of bugs. better than having them in cereal like other people in the thread though, i think.

>>4213620
i dont give a fuck how many lifes it saves its mold and its on your fucking dick and thats fucking gross. if its true

>>4214177
>>4214171
yes its normal because its your brain protecting you from death

>>4214501
no they probably just live in warmer climates then you. i live in Idaho dont ever get that shit even if i leave the can outside. way too cold for those motherfuckers on most occasions and even in summer they're rare to find

>>4214705
and instead lives as filth

>>4214678
>work at grocery
>buddy gets hungry, grabs box of honey buns
>enjoying his ill gotten booty
>me: hey, what kind of honey bun is that
>me: never seen one with toppings before
>him: some sort of brown sugar or something
>grab one of his honey buns still in the package
>covered in a very thick mold streusel
>friend screams the scream of a dead man
>runs to bathroom to puke

if i ever find myself eating hella mold, is it best to induce puking?

>>4215225
>>spend the day catching crabs
>my sides when i interpreted it sexually

>>4215339
>implying carbonated soda isnt the exact same thing with bubbles in it

>>4215360
You should've cooked that shit.

>>4215801
you see that image you just used there.... stop it.... just stop it

>>4215360
I always wanted this to happen as a kid. you lived my childhood dream.

I once saw a guy piss in a bottle of rolling rock at a party. He sat it down on a table in the garage along with a bunch of other bottles. Several shots and beers later, I sat my bottle down in the vicinity. Turned around and grabbed the piss bottle. Drank piss, threw up. Cried.

>>4215017
I know that feel. you don't regret what you ate until the morning. I was eating pizza crossfaded at friend's house, and brought into the bathroom floor while I took a shit. god knows how many strangers sprayed piss on that floor, I couldn't give a fuck until I woke up.

>>4216009
>ate some ice cream I didn't like, toss the rest in the garbage can in my room
>miss
>month later, doing some heavy-duty cleaning and move the desk
>discover mold patch on the carpet, covered by ice cream wrapper
>try to scrub it off, inhale pure mold

Every time I bite into the tiniest bit of mold I think of the guy who got his face destroyed by rampant bread mold that got in his sinuses.

>>4215225
ohh god.

>>4216134
hahahahahahahahaha[spoiler]NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP/spoiler]

>>4216134
wow I'm never eating cereals again

>>4216134
http://www.njmoldinspection.com/hun_aspergillosis.html
jesus. I will never so much as look mold in the eye.

>>4216134
>>4216180
If you have a properly functioning immune system you don't really have to worry about opportunistic fungal infections... unless, of course, you live in warm areas with actual pathogenic fungi (which are uncommon).

The vast majority of fungi can't grow at 37 C.

Kind of offtopic but my botany professor told us about a kid who thought he would be hard and snorted the spores out of puffball mushrooms. He had to go to the ER some time later because he was coughing up blood, mucus, and whole mushrooms.

>>4216213

Interesting. I would figure your body would attack the spores before they could reproduce, but fuck if I know.

>>4216213
>whole mushrooms.
Nope.

>>4216213
oh
oh god

>>4216213
Inhaling puffball spores in large amounts can cause inflammation (Lycoperdonosis) but the spores don't actually germinate, grow, and produce puffballs in your body lol.

>>4216213
reminds me of that episode of rugrats where chuckie swallowed a watermelon seed..

>>4215194
Is your roomate one of the following: Pussy, Lesbian, Queer, or a girl?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=umDmPuyQc

>>4213623
That reminds me of my story.

>go make sandwich.
>fucking god tier lettuce mayo cheese slight salt and pepper.
>step away to deal with something.
>come back.
>eat that fucker.
>sister later confesses that she spit a huge lugie into it and smeared it around to disguise it.

>>4215360
You know, most of the stories in this thread wouldn't have happened if the poster was vegan.
None of you will listen, though.

Enjoy your rotten milk and worm shit.

>>4216365
>>sister later confesses that she spit a huge lugie into it and smeared it around to disguise it

you ate your sister's spit

>that's hot

>>4216365
I would have creamed in her ass for that.

>>4216053
>4chan
>true
u wot m8

>>4216053
>>4216066
>>4216076
>>4216080
>>4216097
Braden Strangfeld
1)Take your fucking email out of the email field
2)Stop posting
3)Kill yourself

>>4216213
People who do that shit shouldn't be given medical attention. We should just lest natural selection run its course in such cases.

>>4214694
You are an idiot. Should have tossed all the bugs in and continued to cook it. Bugs would have been killed and made safe to eat along with the raw fucking meat. You wasted perfectly good food.

>>4215230
ohmyglob

>>4215074
You might have tape worm eggs inside of you. They can turn into cists and lay dormant for years before you notice the effect. The cysts can be anywhere too. One woman had them in her brain. And I watched a video where a football sized one was removed from a guy's chest.

>>4216487
1) Eat raw pig meat
2) Cultivate tapeworms in gut
3) Eat infinite food and never get fat

Not nasty, but really fucking weird.
Home made chocolate cake, from flour and coco powder.
I dont bother with sifting shit cause I think its a myth.
Finish baking.
Eat.
Eventually, on nearly the last slice, I found a rock. Like a crystal, cause it was clear.
I found a rock. It was a big one too. Its fucking weird.

>>4214694
Oatmeal...

>Be seven and staying with my Grandmother who would beat your ass to dirt if you wasted food
>Be three in the morning, making Oatmeal from Gramma's pantry and pour some in a bowl
>"Huh, I think it needs more because Ghost in the Shell is on..."
>Moths fly out of the bowl, some wriggling worms and dead moths sprinkled into the bowl
>Old people fucking wake up early as hell, Gramma walks by
>"Whatcha doing anon?"
>"Uhm... Making you Oatmeal for breakfast."
>"It's three in the morning sweetie, but I am hungry"
>She fucking eats it
>Go back to watching anime
>I will tell her this on her deathbed someday

>be camping with friends
>have saltines crackers
>accidentally leave them out
>sleep like shit and wake up at sunrise
>see two fellow friends huddled around a tiny fire because the slept like shit too and its freezing
>see saltines laying out
>"Hrmm we are hungry"
>all pop one in our mouths
>most disgusting thing I have ever tasted in my life

It was funny having the other friends who weren't up yet try one

Why are you people eating/making food in the dark?

Got a few

>Was about 9 or 10
>mom took me and sis to Mcdonald's
>Got some burgs and shiz and went home
>once home we unwrap and my sis starts chowin' down
>get cautious for no reason
>don't trust burg
>open up and sift through
>GIANT FUCKING ROACH UNDER TOMATOES
>tell mom
>drives us back, returns food, bitches at them for about 30 mintues
>she gets a ton of free shit from them as reparation
>I don't eat when we get home
>Only thing I've ever eaten from Mcdonalds since then has been Mcchickens with nothing but the patty and bread

a few years later

>never ate breakfast before middle school, was never hungry that early
>would often get up and pour a bowl of cereal, return to room, eat cereal while staring blankly at tv
>often times In would notice it tastes kinda sharp
>always dismiss as the actual cereals fault
>after waking up realize the milk was what spoiled
>TooLateAteItAlready.exe
>Shit buckets all day at school
>repeat process a few weeks later
>for some reason can never realize milk is bad when i'm tired unless it's disgusting enough to snap me awake.

forward still

>watching Wall-e online
>popped popcorn
>eating in the dark
>fuck yeah my room is a theater
>dump popcorn onto desk and blindly pick at pieces as i watch the movie
>some time later i pick up a piece of popcorn
>feel need to look at what i'm doing
>big ol june bug
>nope.jpg
>scream, fall out of chair, and throw bug as hard as i can against wall
it was literally a few centimeters away from being placed into my mouth

and not really a food story but I work at a movie theater
>first week of work
>discover everyone that breathes are disgusting pigs
>cleaning a auditorium, hands are full of trash, grabbing cups with fingers
>stick enitre index and middle finger into someone's spit cup
>shit is fucking disgusting
>mfw
>proceed to drop all the trash that was in my arms and run to the nearest bathroom to wash my hands
>had to return, pick up trash i dropped and clean dip vile off the floor

>>4216793
For the love of all that is holy, if you use dip in public the very least you could do is throw your fucking spit cups away.

As far as I can tell it seems like anyone who does it doesn't give a shit what kind of disgusting shit they leave behind.

>At a restaurant in Shanghai with some of my Asian friends.
>We get dessert, everyone's eating it
>Looks like green tea pudding
>Not sure I'll like green tea pudding
>Ask if the dessert is good
>"Yeah anon, its the restaurant's specialty, try a little."
>Take a bite
>OHCRAPWHATTHEHELLISTHIS
>"What anon, you don't like durian?"

I've eaten tarantula before, and that tasted better.

>>Working at a sit down burger joint in the US of A
>>Having my lunch in our little break room all the way in the back
>>the whole place was a hot bed of sex, almost everyone was fucking someone that also worked there
>>make out sessions in the walk in refrigerator and getting to third base in the break room were common.
>>shake out a huge dollop of ketchup for my fries
>>WTF is that smell? I know it from somewhere...
>>shovel ketchup into my fat American maw with my freedom fries
>>get more ketchup... there's that fucking smell again...
>>sniff neck of ketchup bottle
>>hold bottle out to one of the waitresses I was eating with
>>"Does this smell like pussy to you?"
>>She looks at me funny but sniffs it quickly
>>"Holy shit..." she says, "..who do you think..?"
>>wordlessly I get up and go to the dish tank area
>>"Hay, anon..." I stick the bottle in the dish washer's face as he turns around
>>"... lick this." The dish washer was a total beta and licks the bottle
>>he spits in the rinse sink
>>"Wtf was that?"
>>"One of the girls her fucked herself in the brake room with this." I tell him
>>"Fuck, which one?" he wasn't fooling me
>>"It was that fat blond you've been fucking wasn't it?"
>>I can tell by his face it was
>>"Tell her to use the malt vinegar next time."
>>I go back and finish my food.

>>4214130
Same thing happened to me, but with earwigs. About five of them little fucker just chilling in my cereal after I finished half of it.

>>4213618
>bottled milk from vending machine
because this could only end well

Not consumption related but just food related.

>Mom places real fruit at random places in the house to make home look nicer.
>Does this for my dad's work place without my dad's knowledge.
>1 month later, helping dad clean his shop's office
>Discover flat plate filled with some dark liquid that had lumps in it covered with clear wrap.
>Proceed to remove clear wrap.
>"Hey dad, what is th-"
>Suddenly, the odor of swamp-ass on obese man recently deceased from taking a quaking-shit from last night's consumption of the bowels of a pig that was only feed its own fecal matter penetrates my nose.
>Accidentally drop plate onto floor.
>"What's wrong, so-"
>Odor fills my dad's nostrils.
>We both vacate the office coughing and while holding down our vomit.

My mom is now banned from placing fruit at where my dad works.

>>4217004
Also another story from a friend.

>Friend fixes cars for Hertz.
>Car that had been missing for 2 months from a renter who went AWOL arrives.
>Police told company the AWOL renter left groceries in the trunk and locals called it in when flies started surrounding the car's trunk lid.
>Friend is assigned to re-commercialize vehicle.
>Spends an entire week trying to get rid of the smell.
>Stench remains even after new interiors.
>Jokes about how he can probably smell the dead body from a mile-away now.

>

one time i was in the backseat fingering my girls asshole and i felt somthing inside of there and i got freaked out a and went inside and told her to go home. imagine like a hard mini sea urchin

>>4216487
so like what happens? the egg consumes part of you and over time it leaves its waste inside you in the form of a cist.

>>4215331
>old, warm and flat cola is best cola
>old, warm and flat cola

Ant detected
GTFO!

I swear to god, swear to fucking god I was just about to come here and make this thread. With this story. Holy fuck.

>Bag of tortilla chips in my room
>Its been there a while, open, but pointed up
>start munching on the couple pieces left at the bottom
>wtf it feels like its breaking apart on my tongue, little pieces everywhere
>keep munching, weird bitter taste
>what the fuck? finally look in the bag
>black dots all over the chips
>dots are moving
>there is a colony of tiny ants crawling all over the chips
>I was eating ants for the last 5 minutes
>mfw

>>4216503
Cool story, bro.
http://www.spike.com/video-clips/pxda/1000-ways-to-die-die-it

>>4217041

*cyst

And no.

>>4215349
Do caterpillars usually live in your fridge? Because, if you were away for 2 months, it couldn't have come into your fridge right? And brocolli's do not ceate caterpillars. So it/they/their eggs must have been in the brocolli when it went into the fridge.

>Used to eat blue cheese on everything
>My mother bought a different "premium" brand that day
>She said it was "on sale"
>Take container out of refrigerator, take the lid off and put blue cheese on food
>out of habit eat a piece as I make my food
>immediate urge to vomit, its overwhelming
>Oh my fucking god
>She asks whats wrong
>Where did you get this
>"The clearance section why?"
>Realize I didn't take plastic off the lid
>WAS IT REFRIGERATED?!
>...
>"But the date says its good for a few more days!"
>spend the next few minutes fighting the urge to vomit and wondering how my mother made it this far with such little common sense

Someone probably put it there because they didn't want it. It must have been lukewarm when she bought it. Whats worse is it probably rang up at normal price. Fucking women man.

Ahh this happened tonight
>feel like pancakes
>pancake mix in cupboard is pretty old
>open it, about to take a scoop out
>lots of little bugs crawling around in the mix
>lose apatite, throw it away
>get high
>get hungry again
>make eggs

>>4217079
respect your fucking mother, you monstrosity.

moar please

>>4217079
Haha how the fuck does something your mother did once relate to women in general?
My dad once left the chicken out for days arguing it was packaged and then wanted to eat it even though the plastic was blown up like a balloon and I don't think all men are stupid because of that.
Is /r9k/ leaking here or something?

My aunt bought a candy bar at a convenience store once, while driving at night. She started eating it, and noticed it tasted funny.

The fucker was full of some sort of bugs.

She was so pissed, that she took the candy bar back and nearly jammed it up the clerk's ass, while demanding a refund.

Years later...I buy a candy bar at a small-town grocery store. Much of their shit has long since expired, but they usually have a fast turnover of candy.

Not this time.

I damn near puked in my haste to get the first bite out of my mouth. I looked at the underside, which was turning colors not found in nature.

I called the manufacturer to complain, and got coupons for $6 worth of free candy. I redeemed them at Walmart, and the candy was fresh and delicious.

Fuck mom and pop stores. No wonder Walmart is killing them.

>at a party
>begin to eat bag of chips
>something in my mouth didn't have the right texture
> pull bloody bandaid out of my mouth
>NEED A DRINK NOW
>pick up can of coke and start to chug
>theres a cigarette butt in the can
>i swallow it
>force vomit immediately
>liquids, random chunks, but no butt
>mfw I poop out a cigarette butt two days later

ohh, i have a few...

>be 7 and just moved in with grandparents
>have no idea that my grandma is a hoarder when it comes to food
>get a bowl of cereal ready
>pour cereal, pour milk
>start eating
>my kix are already soggy and taste terrible
upon checking the expiration date i realized that no, i was eating 2 week old milk and those were not soggy kix.

>be like 9 years old
>about to go to fuckin town on a delicious glass of fresh as fuck milk
>cup raised to face, lip on edge when suddenly FUR
>pull glass away from face
>there is a spider in the glass
>throw glass across kitchen as hard as possible
>can no longer drink anything out of non-clear plastic

>be about 11, fucking love bread
>make sandwich in the dark because power is out and i don't have a flashlight
>start eating
>everything is moldy
>vomit everywhere

i lived with my grandma for 7 years and she still hasn't broken out of her food hoarding habits, i cleaned out a cupboard yesterday for her and found pasta sauce from 2001.

>>4217087
Normally, I would vehemently agree with you...but that woman's going to kill somebody with that level of stupidity.

>>4217087
She makes it hard when she tries to poison me lol. I mean as soon as dairy or raw meat is involved you have to notice a few things, and that wasn't the last time either.

>Be 8, big brother 10, parents at shopping
>I'm getting hungry
>BB says he makes me a sandwich
>Neat
>In my eternal stupidity, i don't even glance what's inside those two, crunchy, bread slices.
>A taste of flour, chili, worchestire sauce, tabasco, soy, butter, jelly, salt, sugar and tuna fill my unsuspecting mouth
>Literally vomit
He said afterwards it was a fun ´´prank´´

Seeing as this thread is largely about mold, here's a thought:
What if a fungi like this could infect humans?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?featu=player_detailpage&v=XuKjBIBBAL8#61s

>>4213572
don't you notice some white "outlining" around the green mold?

>>4214155
i met some hippies once at a festival that tried to convince to only eat slightly rotten vegetables. They said they were healthier than fresh produce.

>>4214501
i get what you're saying, i live on a third floor and this have never happened to me.

>>4217121
sorry bro, seriously hope their hoarding doesn't mess you up for life. my grandparents were the same way, but I never had to live with them. up until we did a vigorous cleaning when my grandma died, they had shit that expired around when I was born, like late 80's/early 90's. I think it's because they grew up during the depression, lived off canned shit when my grandpa was in the army, etc.

if that spider shit happened to me, I'd be traumatized for life. had a vaguely similar experience, but never knew if it was there when I used it
>left cup of water between corner of wall and bed to drink in the middle of the night
>come morning, find dead spider floating in it

I'm pretty paranoid about bugs in my vegetables. I hate lettuce that isn't bagged, because I usually find tiny bugs. If I buy unbagged and I'm only feeding myself, I'll wash and inspect every crevice of each stalk.

>>4214916
sticking your penis into a jar of fucking nutella is not sex

>>4214501
nahh I just don't live in a shitty concrete jungle 5 stories above the ground. big yard/garden, lots of windows/doors (therefore lots of moulding). I haven't seen them since I was a kid, but they used to come annually for a few years.

>want mashed potatoes
>go into cupboard to get potatoes
>potato bag filled with rotten potatoes and maggots

>>4217193
I thought potatoes lasted forever

>>4217196

When I was a kid, my Dad was making dinner and I asked if he had potatoes for baked potatoes, he thought and said he did, went to the pantry and pulled out the bag (these potatoes came in a thick bag made of layer so brown paper), open it and makes a surprised/shocked face. The potatoes were so old they had begun to sprout in the bag there were roots everywhere and small white potato plant.

We didn't have baked potatoes that night, but I didn't feel too bad about it.

This happens pretty much every year without fail, always with a different kind of food/drink...

>at desk, just sat down with food/drink
>set food/drink down so I can use computer
>reach for food/drink
>look at it as I do so out of habit
>covered in ants not even two minutes after being set down

And my house is sparkling clean. I hate ants with a clear passion. Just yesterday I was drinking a canned soda. I sat it down for ten seconds before grabbing what I thought was it again

>early morning
>grab said soda
>take sip, notice its warm and flat
>immediately spit back into can before swallowing
>it's a nearly empty can I left out overnight
>dump it out and thankfully no ants

I saw my first ants of the year today, though they were just walking around the kitchen counter. I killed those fuckers and am employing all I know to get rid of them.

Do you guys know what ants smell like? It's terrible and Ive learned it because it got so bad one year theyd crawl onto me. It's even worse once the carpenter ants come in.

Now, onto why I have that habit

>be 7 or so, maybe younger
>stay weekends at grandma's house constantly
>summer
>house infested with ladybugs
>they fall into cooking food and open drinks, have eaten them accidentally far too many times
>learn to check food/drink religiously if left sitting for more than a minute

And another story

>gifted a bowl of pecans from grandpa
>know theyre off a tree, inspect every one for holes before opening and then inspecting further before eating
>eating perfectly good looking pecan
>open other side
>entire side is gigant pulsating white maggot with five million eyes
>never trust pecans again

How did you get in the maggot
how

And one more

>eating pizza at school
>its that cheap shit that's rectangle shaped
>take bite, cant bite through
>pull back
>pizza sized sheet of clear plastic covered in sauce flops out, hits chin

How

>>4217200
we definitely had those too. tried planting it, but the squirrels got to it. I like red/gold potatoes--whenever we have those, they disappear in time.

nobody likes eating russet potatoes though, whenever someone makes the mistake of purchasing them, they rot in our house for months before someone decides to make mashed potatoes out of guilt.

>Be at party, completely wasted
>Feel sick, vomit in cup
>Few moments later, forget I vomited in cup
>drink from cup

>>4217222
having to deal with whatever insects/spiders are infesting your place of stay is one of the worst things about going on vacation.

>school weekend trip to some boonies cabin, abandoned bunk beds are covered in spiders
>every single window is crawling with ladybugs. ladybugs everywhere. goddamn everywhere

and

>parents rent a beautiful condo for a couple weeks' vacay
>get there, place is infested with red ants, mice, and geckos
>couldn't give two fucks about mice running around at night, but my bed is crawlign with red ants
>almost never sleep the entire time. have never been more appreciative of suburbia

and

>another vacay, woodsy cabin
>huntsman spiders and tarantulas every night.

>mayfair at my school
>10 year old med is delighted at the idea of free hotdogs
>grab one
>take a huge bite
> see a gigantic insect leg sticking right out of it
>not sure if I ate it or if it was further in
>tell teacher
>shut up anon I dont have time for this
mfw


Years later
>working in fancy ass upscale deli
>slicing some soppressata (made from hogs heads)
>notice holes in a few of the slices
>turn off slicer and look at soppressata
>there is a massive hogs tooth embedded into it
>tell boss
>he casually picks it out and shrugs it off
And not a single fuck was given as we served it to customers

>>4217129
Rat meat?
Do tell.

>>4215916
Advice for anyone who has the stomach flu: I know you crave for a big gulp of ice cold water in between barf sessions, but drink warm water instead. It soothes your stomach and you wont barf nearly as much.

>eat a bowl of rice
>suddenly a flea jumps out from my plate
>look down, bowl is full of flees
Don't know how they got there.

>>4217222
They're probably living inside your walls

>>4217032
oh god i cant breathe

>drinking can of minutemaid
>tastes a little funny
>pour some out due to weird taste
>glob of white stringy shit falls out
Almost threw up. It was the weirdest shit I've ever seen.

Also, this didn't happen to me but still related
>friend buys Arizona tea
>opens it up and takes a couple sips without looking
>before next sip she looks down
>maggot looking worms all up in it
she started freaking the fuck out

>>4214689
Wow, someone woke up on the wrong side of the trash heap this morning.

>>4214697
If you try to justify yourself to him, you're quite obviously mad.

>>4215860
>you
>knowing what the fuck you're talking about

lul

>>4215230
jesus christ. how does that even happen

>>4216122
At least you didn't drink the Rolling Rock. Now THAT would've been gross.

>>4216375
See
>>4215349

>at rich aunt's lake house as a kid
>eating hotdog
>see mold on bun
>tell aunt
>she rips off the mold and tells me to keep eating
>I refuse because I learned about mold spores that year in school
>she calls me a spoiled brat
>no lunch for me
I still don't like her

>be adult
>buy a bag of delicious tangerines
>leave it on counter
>few days later notice one at the bottom is moldy
>pick up bag
>tangerine explodes into green dust
>mold dust everywhere
>pretty sure I breathed it in
That was a health paranoia summer for sure

>>4215243
>>4215387
>be about 7
>dad loves tobacco back then
>parents give soda to me that they are finshed with (not hugh amounts, about 1-3 gulps)
>find a can without thinking
>chug it
>not soda
>chug carton of milk in disgust
>lesson fucking learned
Dear God I can still taste it

>>4217135
>Anonymous 02/07/13(Thu)04:55 No.4217135
ur bro sounds like a buttface hole.

>>4217682
I left oranges in my dorm over Chtistmas once. Got the worst fucking headaches for days after breathing in spores.
Fucking mould.

>>4217632
shut up, faggot bitch. Haven't you got a symposium on clapping to be going to.

>>4217453
fuck fleas

>>4217460
I know. I just wish I knew how to get rid of them once and for all, without needing an exterminator. It's driving me nuts and I live too far in the boondocks for that to be of much help for very long.

>>4217525
>looks at glass next to me
>arizona tea
>remembered this thread and checked the jug like a maniac
>.................
>hold glass up to a light

>>4213537
WHY DID YOU POST THAT I AM FREAKING OUT

>>4214501
I was thinking the exact same thing people need to seriously invest in pest control

>>4217911
Hey man, I employ every poison and ant trap I can find in getting rid of mine. I just live so far out in the country that none of it does any good. and an exterminator would be a total waste.

It's better to just make sure you don't leave fucking food laying around for them. Which still doesn't help, really.

>>4217911
If you live in an apartment building, it doesn't matter how much pest control you use if there's even one shithole apartment in the building. Roaches, ants, centipedes, you name it, they'll act as a reservoir and infect the rest of the building no matter how many times you spray.

>>4215878
>>4215860
>>4217823
Look at all these jealous faggots

Meanwhile I walk in my house without any worry of any bugs and do my daily routine of cleaning to ensure an optimum clean environment

>>4213537

>>4216757
They're still living with parents and don't want to get in trouble

>>4217087
How do you respect someone like that

>>4217926
I guess it's the area, besides surrounding 20+ft of your area with seasonal ant killer and Terro liquid killer fucking everywhere I can't think of what to do

>>4217955
That is tough, I'd seal what I can and leave traps everywhere.

>>4215554
how tall are you?

>at 4th grade.
>being served blood pancakes with horribly dried potatoes and white sauce
>That white sauce smells like fart and taste resembles vomit, not much merit in the other ingredients that day.
>One student actually vomits over his desk, with a lid so you keep all your school shit in. Vomit slides to the hinge of the desk and into it.
>MFW, never eat white sauce again.

>>4217446
You're an idiot and I hate you.

>>4218843
2edgy4me

>be in middle school
>Shit lunch, as per usual
>they had plums that day
>didn't touch half the shit on my tray except the milk so was starving
>Takes knife and makes a nice cut all the way through to the pit
>break it open and am greeted with mucus green mold and same colored strands hanging off the edge of each piece
>shit was molding inside out
>went to the cafeteria ladies and showed them, they hand me a new one
>never trust school fruit again

Overripe cheese is still good, all you have to do is use it on a pizza or some other very high heat cooking application. The extremely high heat will cook off the ammonia leaving a rich, nutty complexity that gourmets will jizz themselves over.

>>4218375
>That white sauce smells like fart and taste resembles vomit

ohhhmygod im dying