/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>4191484
Kill yourself.

Chicken with rice, seasoned with some sage, salt and pepper, and celery salt if you have it. For veggies do they have green beans?

Thighs are delicious and moist, and easier to cook. Boneless? Then maybe pound a bit, or even stuff. You can cube them too, removing any extra fat. You can mince and flavor like meatloaf patties or meatballs, depending what you find.
Rinse well. Pat dry and either marinate and sear or dry rub. Especially good on the grill. Fine to pan sear, add a little liquid, cover til tender. Nice pan sauce.

>>4191496
one brother only eats the INSIDES of green beans. Also I have no idea about their opinion on sage. it's something new to them so Dad will probably immediately not like it before even trying it.

>>4191487
it's beginning to look like the only option

>>4191504
>only eats the INSIDES of green beans
... how in the hell? ... OK I've heard of picky eaters, but I think it would be easier just to not eat the damn things.

>I have no idea about their opinion on sage
Tell them it's the main seasoning in KFC's "Secret Herbs And Spices", aside from salt and pepper. And it goes really good with chicken.

Hey, if all else fails, coat the thighs with flour, fry them in some butter, then make a sauce with some chicken broth and serve it over noodles. Tell them to add salt and pepper to taste, and give them a multi-vitamin to replace the vegetables they're too picky to eat.

>>4191502
yes they are boneless but the problem is flavour them with what?? marinate them in what?? the things I like to use the most are all crossed off the list by my father and siblings.

Just roast that shit with no seasoning. Then while they're choking down the dinner lecture them about their faggotry.

I'm serious.

>>4191484
>no garlic, onion
Sorry OP, ...the only option is to kill them.

>>4191524
but I have to eat it too.
i think the problem is I'm selfish in the way that I want to make something actually palatable for myself but I have to bow to their shitty choices.

pop them in the oven and then slather on some bbq sauce

mashed potatoes are easy peasy and pick whatever else you want to eat with it

>>4191524
Yeah, what OP should do is make 2 things. One would be just plain baked chicken with no seasoning no sides no nothing. Serve that to the family. Then make something delicious and fragrant and looking really good with all the stuff they said not to use, then proceed to eat that in front of them, and refuse to share.

Stop being a little bitch and make some bbq chicken or something simple that appeals to them.

>>4191545
mashed potatoes is on the "no" list

>>4191546
this is the best idea so far plaint chicken with plain white rice hmmm

>>4191549
that's all. we ever. fucking. have. I. need. variety. i can't. eat. the same. thing. every. time. we have. chicken.

Holy fucking shit, how do those people eat?

>>4191555
Salt pepper rosemary

>then kill them all

>captha:only Mahamed

>>4191558
it's always just meat with various boiled vegetables boiled in separate saucepans so each person has different things

or

simmer sauces from a jar with no added vegetables (and no amount of pointing out that THERE IS ONION AND GARLIC IN ALL OF THEM will change their mind that you can taste it in fresh things but not in the jar stuff) on rice/ drained 2 minute noodles

no variation.

>>4191484
Take chicken thigh, wrap around egg and stuff with fishpaste, then slow cook. Serve to father and sibling, tell them they are what they eat, pregnant.

coat them in either honey mustard or mayonnaise and cover them in cornflakes

bake

then kill your family, throw the food out, and make yourself some margarita chicken with couscous on the side, pico de gallo, and possibly a mango salsa

serve with shrimp and a distinct absence of fucks

>>4191567
OP, you have only one option.

Cut little pockets into the fillets and stick whole peppercorns inside--make sure they're not too stuffed to be noticeable.

Now cook them till they're dry as shit.

Serve and bask in sweet revenge.

>>4191484
chicken kiev or chicken cordon bleu

>>4191567
Fucking ew.
I rarely used pre-made sauces and if I do, I usually dress them up. Like if I'm feeling real lazy, I'll pop open a jar of ragu... I'll add a little water, some fresh basil and garlic, sometimes some chopped veggies for extra texture and nutrition - tomatoes, onion, and - believe it or not - carrots seem to work really well when in small chunks - then simmer covered for some time. I also cook up some italian sausage and then throw it in the sauce to simmer a little longer. Then pour it over cooked spaghetti. That's my version of a lazy person spaghetti. But just using it straight out of the jar? Nah.
My previous roommate would just boil up some noodles and pour the sauce straight from the jar onto the noodles.
I was like lolnope.jpg, not eating that. I at least let it simmer for a while, it mellows the tastes and makes it blend better and brings out a little bit of sweetness that I like.

Well cooked chicken is delicious. Just salt. That's all you need liberally! Brown them both sides. Why are you bitching so much? Sometimes people want chicken flavored chicken! You need flavor, dip yours in some condiment out of the fridge.

We're in not in your house, so we can't see what you have around. But, this is a good test for you. Brown them, with or without flour, add milk, water, beer, anything, cover til done.

toss chicken in a roasting pan with carrots and potatoes, add a couple cans of cream of celery, chuck in the oven until done, serve over rice

>>4191607
ooops, missed the celery on the list... cream of asparagus or cream of chicken then ;p

>>4191582
honey, mustard and mayo all on the no list

>>4191597
it's not a problem with "chicken flavoured chicken" it's a problem with lack of variety and the constant bitching from the other members of my family.

it's not just the family that's the problem either it's the entire town that I love in.
I moved away to a bigger city and encountered a whole new world of food from many different cultures and was so happy and cooked my own food and ate healthy.
then i was forced back home for a while against my will to a place where i can't even escape the blandness by getting take out because everywhere is the same.
I'm not "bitching" so much as getting overwhelmed with the stress of being trapped in this world and need some way to prevent myself from stabbing every family member in the fucking face.

i probably have anger management issues but in my situation you might too.

>>4191610
asparagus on the no list.

>>4191632
shit in their mouths

so I've decided I'm going to make a delicious mushroom risotto (since i haven;t had a decent risotto in years) for those that do eat it.

for those that don't they get plain unseasoned chicken on top of plain unseasoned rice and can add whatever they want to that once it's on their plate.

thank you everyone for your help.

Is your family on the cast of Hell's Kitchen or fucking what?

They should just be happy you're making dinner.

That said, try this recipe:

Throw raw chicken into blender, blend
Serve on crackers as hors dourves.

Make raw chicken into patties, cook on stove. Saturate with ketchup. Throw in faces of your stuck up family.

Laugh and eat a steak.

fuck your family dude seriously

>>4191484
Why are all those things not to be included? Do your family members not eat them? If so, how the fuck do people not eat tomatoes? Or onions? I mean WTF man.

Please post results op I want to hear about all their bitching

>>4191484
>no onions
>no garlic
>no tomatoes
>no citrus
Jesus fuck I think I'd have killed them by now if they were my family.

>>4191484
boil thighs in unsalted water

serve with nothing

[spoiler]nooooothinnnnnnng[/spoile

>>4191807
one person doesn't eat a couple and another person doesn't eat a few others and a couple are allergies so it's just a large list of "things at least one person will bitch about/die from"

>>4191819
the chicken and mushroom risotto is going to work for most people so the one person who will bitch about it is getting bland-ass food. most of the things on that list are the things he doesn't like anyway and he's the one that makes me the maddest by picking out minced onion.
I MINCED an onion to make something once and he sat there and picked out ever. single. piece. on his plate.
so yeah lets see how he likes plain unseasoned everything. thinking about maybe cooking it in the microwave to dry it out as payback for how hard it is not to kill him sometimes.

>>4191873

Do you have a blender/food processor?

Chuck the fucking onion in there. Don't tell anyone. Add it to your recipe as per usual. Watch them all eat it. After everyone is finished, tell them they just ate and enjoyed onion.

Watch the glorious reaction.

>>4191873
print out this thread and use it as for placemats

>>4191881
they sound like the kind of pricks that would resent OP for that

>OPs face when

This reminds me of how my mom and step dad cook chicken 80% of the time, and about 50% of the time it's just plainly grilled chicken with no seasoning. So it basically tastes like burnt chicken. I have no idea how they can eat that all the time. They do mix it up occasionally, at least their not picky.

>>4191891
*they're not picky
Wow I must be really brain dead. Well hope it all goes well OP! I'll be cooking some chicken of my own this week, I might try chicken terriyaki and then chicken and rice.

>>4191890

I only say so because I was forced to do the same thing with my brother when I started cooking. He whined and cried forever about onions until I finally just got fed up as fuck and made him eat them. Yeah, he got all mad and bitchy for a time, but eventually he calmed down and couldn't deny that he liked the spaghetti sauce/soup/curry/whatever I made that included them.

Spoilers: He now eats them just fine and has personally thanked me for pushing him to eat them and try other new things.

>>4191881
same story with the minced onion. He would literally look through it and pick out any microscopic piece he found.
I want to just let him sit there and do it til his food goes cold and he has to eat it anyway but
it just makes me so angry watching him do it that I can't i literally can't let him do it any more.
this is the level of maturity I get from my family who are all over the age of 18

four tablespoons of Chili paste, small can of coconut milk, leek, chicken, then add a dickton of chilies and call them all faggots if they don't like it.

Or, just a teaspoon or two of chilli paste and leave the chillies out. Great stuff.

>>4191899

Yeah, my brother was the same way. The trick is to puree that shit. Down to basically onion mush, so there's no fathomable way to pick it out. Pour it into your pan, give it a thirty second flame to evaporate some of the water, and add whatever you want to it.

I'm telling you, there's nothing he'll be able to do about it since he won't be able to physically remove it from whatever sauce or dish you have going. And at least you'll get to enjoy that onion flavor until he pulls up his pants and learns to eat them.

My mom never got chicken breasts because of how much they cost. I remember getting a bigass bag of the shit once but now we can't get them at all.

>>4191899
>all over the age of 18
Oh wow.
Little kids being picky shits I can totally understand. It's pretty much the norm.

Adults being like that... it doesn't piss me off, just makes me really sad for them. How can someone like that, say, have lunch with their boss, or a potential love interest, without looking like a complete idiot? You're pretty much doomed to a shit life where no one likes you.

>>4191906
my blender isn't good enough to puree that small
when I move out again later this year I'll get some real appliances but until then using the parent's (who clearly are not any kind of cook's) things

Solution, and I'm dead serious: tell them they can either cook for themselves or eat what you want to prepare. Make something you like. I grew up with a mom who would neither let me cook my own dinners nor have any variety. It was miserable.

>>4191927
if I told them to cook what they like they would just go and buy some KFC or fry some frozen chips and fish fingers from the freezer.
that's just insulting

>>4191932
I mean their actions not your suggestion

>>4191932
That's the point. Let them. Either they live off crap until they grow up and learn to cook or they live off crap until they decide to try your food. If you don't want to do that then cook something with ingredients on the no-no list. If they complain tell them to cook their own food, but don't bring it up yourself.

Holy shit OP if I were you I'd be so mad.

>>4191484
My only suggestion would be to tell them that they're either getting fried chicken on rice with honey and seseme seeds, maybe a veggie or two that they like thrown in.....or they can cook their own goddamn meals. My rule is "Eat what I make for ya, or starve ya picky bastards."

Your list makes your meal have no nutrients, no vitamins, and virtually NOTHING with an ounce of nutritional value to it. Your family basically wants KFC for dinner. If they want that, then they can go out and buy it themselves.

I say, screw em and make whatever the fuck you please. if they don't like it, order em a pizza with THEIR credit card.

>>4191932
yikes.... are these people you call family a bunch of lardasses? I've heard of dogs with healthier habits than this.

Ya wanna make em eat what you make? My solution would be to BAN them from the kitchen that night. Set up roadblocks, barriers, even threaten them with things (i.e. - "Come into this kitchen, and you'll not get any dessert afterwards!" or "You can come into this kitchen when you learn to cook!" or even "Either be willing to help, or be willing to sit down and try my food").

Now, start making yummy smells from the kitchen. Don't let em see what you're making, just make yummy smells. Bacon, fried onions, peppery steak, apple coffee cake, Baking bread, fried mushrooms. All the kinds of stuff that make people go "holy shit, I just realised im starving!" Just whatever you do, DO NOT LET THEM SEE IT.

Then, make them wait..... let them sit and suffer as the smells of a thousand heavens waifs under their noses, their bellies aching to try something... anything. Their mouths salivating and watering and making them wonder what you're making.

Finally, when you're ready to serve it up, give them their meal. Make it to however YOU wanted it. Add garlic, vegitables, anything and everything. They want you to conform to their list? Screw their list! Rise up my fellow foodie and FIGHT for your freedom to cook! Their reign of frozen dinners and take out has ended my friend! Down with the lardass Bouguise, and UP with the culinary prolitariet! Lift off your chains of culinary oppression and let your cry be heard: "I WILL COOK FOOD THAT IS TASTY!"

If they don't like what you make, or want to eat it, then they can starve that night. It's their choice after all. Besides, with a diet like theirs, they should have coronary failure within a week, if not sooner

the risotto turned out really friggen good if i do say so.

button mushrooms, a dried wild mushroom mix, vegetable stock and white wine
enough garlic and onion to choke an italian (not literally just glad i was able to put it in)
aborio rice, chicken thighs
a few leaves of fresh sage

I realised the wild mushrooms that my father was willing to try looked strange enough that I could slip some sage in there without him even knowing the difference. he's in his 50s and his eyesight isn't great without his reading glasses so it worked.

I was going to use some duck fat I was keeping in the fridge to cook the onions and garlic in but turns out mum through that out. used butter and oil mixture instead.

>>4192065
plain white rice
unseasoned chicken thigh cooked with no oil or anything

this is what the fussy shit that wouldn't eat the risotto got.

fuck him

Using vim is like going into Africa and then coming back to say that you liked it because it showed you the "finer things in life.

>>4192003
>yikes.... are these people you call family a bunch of lardasses?

yes almost my entire family is overweight (except the youngest boy because he hasn't finished the puberty stage yet. the older brother who is the pickiest of them all used to be skinny too but not anymore) myself included.

I did manage to lose some weight while I was away without changing any habits other than my eating but in the year I've been back here (long story why I'm not gone yet trust me I want to be) I have gained several kilos back.

the oldest of my brothers was very very skinny when I left, blessed with an over-active metabolism in his youth but in the two years I was gone he passed puberty and is now probably 3 times the size he was.

it's a sad story tbh
also i wish this plan worked but they will stick by their "I don't like it" guns til death. they're a stubborn bunch.

chicken quesadillas. have some add ons like rice and beans to bulk it out and everyone would just put on what they wanted.

I can't even imagine being able to summon up the patience to read half the list of no-no's let alone mulling over it long enough to create a meal which I know no one will appreciate in the slightest anyway

I think I would've told them all to fuck off long ago
You really do people no favors by relenting to such absurdity

>>4191539
probably late to be posting this, but you shouldve set the chicken on fire, said you burnt it, have them eat potato chips, and fuck off and cook for yourself. If they want you to cook, they should play by your rules

Ya never learn anything when people just repeat back what you already told them (you're right and they are retards who deserve violence), so think about it like this: you don't like their food, they don't like yours. Just because the plain chicken isn't fancy doesn't mean it necessarily sucks. I like plain chicken if it includes the skin. Sounds like other issues going on too. I just don't understand fighting about something so subjective. It's about the same thing as fighting over which color, number, or smell is better.

If you insist on cooking for them, make their bland shit and make yourself something else. I think 99% of food (and cigarette smoke) allergies are made up because it gets you a pass for being a fussy prick, but if its for realz you have them prep their own food, and only after you thoroughly clean the work area.