/ck/ - Food & Cooking

Crown Royal and Heineken

i found my fantasy bar on /wg/

It would be a dive that would serve sussed people. There'd be all sorts of cool but pacfiiv peoples there. The playlists would be anything like in Ibiza, from latest dance hits to punk rock. The beer would be bottled and I'd have german wheat beer. I'd serve manhattans and martinis and a few other cocktails but not poncy drinks. I'd have music videos and weird films playing and it would be dark with a post apocalyptic theme.

>>4123578
I forgot. I'd serve snacks and food that I'd make in a test kitchen but you wouldn't be able to order food except t-bone steaks mid rare and dover sole meuniere.

Park Hyatt Tokyo, Suntory Hibiki 17 y.

viking mead hall with long tables with benches and wenches

>>4123594
This, mead and ale from giant casks poured by bawdy, indecently dressed Scandinavian women. No dress code, being shirtless is encouraged. No artificial lights, the damned things hurt anyways. Candles and oil placed cleverly to prevent fire. Menu consists of smoked meats, salted or charred fish, and cheeses.

Traditional English pub in a city with a vibrant traditional marketplace. Serving locally produced drinks and meals (including traditional county recipes) made with in season local ingredients.

Victorian building with dark wood fixtures and furnishings, comfortable seating, fireplace going in the winter time and sourcing local talent for music.

>>4123588
why would you drink expensive whisky from a shitty glass like that?

>>4123686

>2013
>not drinking expensive whiskey out of the bottle's cap like a fancy cough syrup

s.

>>4123588
Here.

This is my glass

Fun thought experiment. Here goes:

Luxurious chairs and tables, with low sitting couches spaced around the edges. The bar has a constantly rotating selection of beers on tap. High, two-story ceiling with a balcony accessible from stairs on two of the corners. The upstairs bar has some beers on tap, but is mostly liquor and cocktails (better for logistics: don't have to carry kegs up a flight of stairs as much).

There is a kitchen, which produces light appetizer fare. Music is light, instrumental, and understated. It should blend into the background. The two bars share the same wall, which features an enormous aquarium that takes up most of the wall. Actually it's a series of smaller aquariums segmented by plexiglass to minimize catastrophe if one ever breaks, but unless you get very close you can't tell.

IT ALREADY EXISTS

http://www.bubbledogs.co.uk/hot-dogs

CHAMPAGE AND HOTDOGS TOGETHER AT LAST

I'm not sure of fantasy, but I remember being in Cabo San Luca, Mexico, and staying at an expensive resort where we had a huge fucking pool, hot bitches everywhere, and fucking SWIM UP BARS. That shit was so much fun. Just go swim over to a bar, order a Dirty Monkey (shit was good, think it had banana, coconut, rum, chocolate, and some other shit)..
Yeah, my friend was an ass hole but hey his dad was rich and I only paid for a 600 dollar round trip plane ticket and he covered absolutely everything else :D

Moral of story: Eventually, even friendships with ass holes may pay off in your favor.

Milk bar
We'd serve all sorts of flavored milk, from exotic non-homogenized mint goats milk to your straight up 2% chocolate cow's milk.
We'd be in LA somewhere, we'd keep the temp in the bar up very high.
Our clientele would be 9 to 14 year old girls, their desperate mothers, and wealth older men.

>>4123890
*wealthy

>>4123890
I forgot unisex bathrooms with good locks and extra mirrors.

all I need is big glass windows, high up on a building, awesome view of a city and plenty of seating

I'm going to open one of these in the states

>>4123537

I wouldn't feed of misery, loneliness and addiction.

>>4123906
Careful you don't cut yourself on all that edge.

>>4123906

what else is there to feed off of?

Traditional English pub filled with regulars who spend all day getting drunk and laughing at each other

>>4123890
how about a breast milk bar with lactating women and you drink from their actual breasts

>>4123537
A hole in the wall bar near a courthouse.

Stories from crooks, lawyers and legal types/

>>4123890
What about Pig's Milk? Would you serve a variety of cheeses and other dairy products? Would the milk be poured from artificial teats?

>>4123990
>Traditional English pub
>regulars getting drunk, laughing

Always good to have a dream I suppose.

Dollar beers, friendly regulars/bartenders, wide variety of brands, and every mixed drink (regardless of what goes in it) costs 3 dollars or less every day.

>>4124042

you sound poor and lonely, I don't want to hang out at your bar.

theme park with beer at every ride and no limit.

>>4124048

I hope you like cleaning up vomit

>>4124042
sounds like a bar in mexico i went to it was actually kind of nice and they gave you little key limes with each beer.

>>4124053
that would be half the fun all those roller coaster pictures of people in mid vomit. Of course i wouldn't be the one cleaning.

good music (no electronic faggotry, nig-hop, or cuntry)
no college kids
no annoyingly drunk people
no jager. period.
zombie fortifications

>>4124068
>zombie fortifications

mu nigga, this rounds on me

Laid back up-scale,
mid to top shelf drinks, snacks nonexistant
leather and mahogany, black surfaces, slow sensual dance music
essentially the step you go to meet the folks you're meeting up with before the rough S&M shit you try back home

>>4123537
doesn't matter one shit as long as I don't have to shout to talk to my fucking friends. I'm sick of stupidly loud music at clubs and bars, fuck me I just want to have a conversation

>>4124068
>no electronic faggotry, nig-hop
>or cuntry

0/10

Country music is best music.

Neon lit and heated swimming pool with lazy river and bar stocked with shiner bock and shiner black also heinekin,corrona, negra modelo, jack daniels and coke, and gin and tonic.

>>4124199
As long as it isn't Nashville corporate shit.

Stage in one corner, bar in the opposite corner, booth seating on the sides. Live slow jazz all the time.

An incredibly well-stocked bar with every spirit, wine, and beer you could imagine, as well as a vast array or mixers.

Comfortable seating everywhere and moderate lighting. No food except for peanuts and pickled eggs.

>>4123578
>wheat beer
>bottled
you cannot be serious

Free alcohol

I would create a dubstep bar with dubstep themed drinks

each table, and each seat at the bar itself, would have a number of nobs and buttons that would each create a different wobble or wub or produce a sample, all of which could be heard in the song currently playing in the bar.

drunk with alcohol and power over the music, the patrons would produce new, esoteric mixes of existing songs which I would then sell

>>4124244
best idea so far

>>4124232
This post makes no sense. Help me understand your issue with bottled wheat beer.

>implying Boulevard Wheat isn't the best wheat beer.

>>4123906
The only thing you feed off of is gallons of self-hate and other mens' sperm.

>>4124244
My sides have shuffled off this mortal coil

>>4124310
>>implying Boulevard Wheat isn't the best wheat beer.
get back to me after you have this

>>4124351
Had it. It's pretty good. Boulevard is better.

>>4124356
Also:

>implying taste isn't subjective.

>>4124359
>>implying taste isn't subjective.
there is certainly a subjective component, but it is mostly objective chemistry

>>4124361
Truth. To be fair, Dancing Man is very, very good. I like Boulevard better because it's infinitely more sessionable.

>>4124365
I haven't tried boulevard's, I just know Dancing Man is fucking excellent

>>4124368
It is fucking excellent. It's just really high grav.

>>4124068
>bar
>no annoyingly drunk people

Well, you've got the fantasy part down

>>4124588

You live in the boonies don't you.

>>4123537

Option #1: Upscale
>sleek, but with an emphasis on comfort. Comfortable chairs, clean lines, maybe fire pits
>limit on how many people can be in the bar at a time. I don't want people four deep at the bar, I want people to be able to sit and relax.
>Plenty of servers. No one goes thirsty here.
>everything is fresh. Juice, herbs, whatever
>Low level music

Option 2: Dive bar

>only red lighting
>well-curated jukebox. Velvet Underground, Kinks, Otis Redding, Johnny Cash, etc
>Lots of nooks and crannies
>Sarcastic, funny asshole bartenders who remember regulars

>>4124595

No, I've been to bars after 10 pm

>>4124601

In the boonies. Of course there are bars with obnoxious drunks everywhere, but the only place where they are ALL like that is in the boonies.

>>4124604

Right, and the post I originally referred to said
>no annoyingly drunk people

No means none. If you're in a bar after 10 pm, at least on a weekend, there will be at least a couple of annoying drunks. They may be annoying drunks in nice suits, but they're still annoying drunks.

>>4124615

If they're not at your table, and they're talking quietly with their friends, you shouldn't notice that they're talking about something annoying because of alcohol.

Annoying drunks are annoying because you notice that they are there, and drunk.

Obviously, being somewhat drunk yourself and, more importantly, having someone to talk to helps you not hone in on a conversation happening all the way across the room.

Once again, if all the bars in your area have at least one person being obviously drunk for all to see, you live in the boonies.

Oni bar.
Use your imagination

Dim lighting.
Booths with padded leather seating.
Beers and ciders on tap.
Musicians playing at an acceptable background level, jazz, folk, blues, whatever.
I'd serve cool, calm people like myself that go to bars to sit down, drink and talk with friends/wallow in their own misery.

Basically an irish pub without the smoke and the shouting.

I used to play in a band and regularly played a rock n roll dive that was pretty much the perfect bar.

>Great live music every night
>Biker decor (guitars and band banners hung on walls)
>Super hot, friendly barmaids (that dance on the bar when the live music is good)
>Awesome bar manager: Huge and fat, 90% tattoos, including shaved head and eyes tattooed on the back of his head. His fatty neck wrinkle made them look like a face. Generous to a fault (see below).
>Free pizza (laid out every few hours)
>Free pool tables
>Free drinks (for musicians after they've played)
>Bar goes into lock-in mode after 12am. Patrons can smoke cigs and or weed. Anyone can DJ (laptop with shit-ton of tunes - you can also bring your own laptop/flash drive)

Shame the place didn't make any money and had to close, but those were an awesome 2 years!

>>4124735
Forgot to mention, the clientele were fantastic. All the coolest guys in town hung out there, musicians, bikers, drop outs and losers (makes you feel less of a loser when music is your only "profession").

All this combined to create THE most important aspect of a bar (and I've seen a few): ATMOSPHERE.

A bar can have everything else going for it, but if you're not comfortable there, it's shit.

>>4123671
so, my local? Move to Guildford son

>>4123671
>>4124783

There's a pub (or "alehouse" if you prefer) in my town that's like those. One selling point is it's history, the building is about 200-300 years old or something.

It's famous locally for having the room where once upon a time our mayor and his council discussed whether or not to let the king (who was waiting angrily outside the locked city gates) into the town. They decided not to, and went to the city walls and told King Charles to stick his Divine Right to Rule where the sun doesn't shine.

And thus was sparked the English Civil War.

>>4124801
Ummm that would be over 200-300 years old.

Quiet, dark wood, overstuffed leather chairs, old hunting lodge/mens club kind of look.

A small bar, but plenty of low seating, couches, end tables, etc. Some reading material, newspapers, short stories, magazines, etc.

A constantly rotating tap list of special, unique, interesting craft beers, and of course some good large bottles. A nice big whisky list for the whisky drinkers, a pretty good selection of good gins, some good rums, apertifs, amaros, and a galaxy of bitters, juices, tonics, tinctures, and pretty much anything else you need for a good master mixologist to whip up. Honestly, for the right mixologist it would really be HIS bar to experiment with.

Oh, and you guys will all love this one.

BATHROOM STALL DOORS GO ALL THE WAY DOWN TO THE GROUND. And no attendant too.

Oh, and since I have to choose between food and smoke, I'll go with smoke. People can bring in their food from the surrounding places our put in a delivery order. So, a selection of cigars to purchase, a communal humidor for regulars, cutters, big ashtrays, and nice long wood matches and cedar.

I'll call it... "The Liquordrome".

>>4123890
Would you have voloko velocet, voloko synthmesque?

>>4124068
>>4124076
>thinking LOL ZOMBEES is not the most annoying cringe-inducing pathetic shit on earth
go suck eachother off

>>4124219
oh, a river of piss while drinking the worst beer and alcohol on planet earth?

where do i get in line

Hmm, a bar. Okay, I'll call it a dip bar.
>>Big conveyor belt full of fried shit
>>Customers buy a bowl of dip
>>Dip food in bowl
>>No dip, no food.

>>4123537

Name: Livingroom
Equipment: recliner, big TV, and glasses
Style: Colonial

I'd serve myself and whichever friend I have over. There'd be no cliche bar music, pathetic attempts at turning into a night club once a week, terrible kareoke, or meatheads on gameday. I can have as much as I want and exactly what I want. I wouldn't overpay for a drink. I also get to sleep with the hottest chick there every night.

>>4124804
Well I Googled the pub and it turns out you're right. 1550AD is in fact further back than "200-300 years old or something."

Thank you for your correction. Here is a pic of the "Plotting Parlour" I described. Hell yeah it has swords on the wall, that's how we roll. According to their website, the pub also boasts the widest range of fine single malt whiskeys in town.

Don't get too excited though, the bar staff were utter trash last time I was there. I was in there with a very, very inebriated friend who called me over to the bar and asked me if his double whiskey tasted of whiskey. I tried it and it was actually water. My friend agreed that it was water and (quite vocally) took issue with the barman responsible for the attempted swindle.

We were asked to leave by both the barman and a group of regular patrons. My friend did not receive a refund.

I always wanted an inside pool with a fully stocked bar, I always figured one of my asshole relatives can work it while everyone else is partying. Kinda like Owen Wilson's character in Meet the Parents. I'm a whole lot less sophisticated and would probably have a kilo of coke behind the bar. Also, I would have a special area for my gf and her bong and shit. I don't particularly emphasize weed, but I'm gonna accomadate her.

Bump for potential

>>4124310
Ever tried drinking Weissbier from a bottle? The foam will KILL you, dude.

>>4124886
>being so drunk the bartender refused to serve you
>getting thrown out of a bar

hahahaha, go whine about it on yelp

>>4124886
If your friend needs help to discern whether or not a drink is water, he should be going home anyway. Christ, have some consideration for other people.

>>4125604

what the hell is that from

Wine served in 'kylices', philosophy, poetry, music, laurels, 'kline' couches. Probably no sex, but the wine-girls and flute players could be topless or something.

Actually, it would probably be awful. Never mind.