/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>windows XP

this is like those Punk goes Pop albums that take mainstream songs like Beyonce and Carly Rae Jepsen and make them metalcore-ish.

I don't know any of the fucking original ones man.

This joke.

My head.

>>4083901
Korma (sometimes spelled kormaa, qorma, khorma, or kurma) is a dish originating in South Asia or Central Asia[1] which can be made with yogurt, cream, nut and seed pastes or coconut milk; it is usually considered a type of stew.


I still don't get it.

>>4083906
Am I really gonna have to explain it to you?

>>4083825
I still use windows XP.

>>4083915
So those spices are used in that dish and this is an attempt at a pun?

>>4083917
Just so you know

XP stands for eXPloit

>google search for gay sex with hats on

>>4083922
yes

>>4083926
I remember when XP came out when I was in 3rd or 4th grade, I had a friend who was really into computers and everything and he told me: "hey you know what xp stands for? eXtra Poopy!"

>>4083929
I didn't even notice that until you pointed it out. What the fuck... Good eye anon.

>>4083819
PHS provided good entertainment

I'll tell a story of my brush with the substance

>working as a groundskeeper at a park
>boss is a short polish guy named steven (but demands to be called skip) whose stuck in the 80s
>on lunch break, brought pasta from home but forgot the salt
>ask skip for salt
>he starts raving about how he got this really great salt
>go upstairs, see PHS in a tiny shaker
>asks me to not use a lot because its really expensive
>mfw

>>4084005

>>4083819
that's fucking retarded. fucking saturday morning kids joke

>>4084026
First one that made me laugh.

Mainly because it's TF2 related.

I get all my spices from Dollar General. Only 50 cents each.

>>4084005

>>4084037
I never understood this one. Is there a story behind it, or is this all there is to it?

>>4084067
It was from a couple weeks ago. Someone will post the archive link, I'm sure.

Dude made a thread with that pic, and the very first line contained "tastes like taste."

Everything else about his thread was forgotton as people focused on those three words.

>>4084067
Someone posted a picture of a pre-made sandwich wrapped in plastic, and meant to say that he didn't like it because the plastic gave off a funny taste. Instead, he ended up saying "tastes like taste".

>>4084071
It was more like 6 months ago at least and his thread was nonsensical.
He meant to complain about plastic wrap and did not know why people still used it because it tastes like taste and nobody likes it .

>>4084081
No way dude. It couldn't have been more then 6 weeks ago. I remember cause it happened before Thanksgiving.

>>4084071
>a couple weeks ago

What the fuck is wrong with you?

>>4084071
It wasn't a couple of weeks ago, somebody was probably just trying to be funny then. It was like a year ago, somebody whose first language obviously wasn't English was on here bitching about the sandwiches they sell wrapped up in plastic and how they tasted bad.

"It tastes like taste, and nobody likes it."

>>4084085
That was a reenactment then, it definitely happened a long time ago, I have a "tastes like taste" picture on my computer from feb this year.

>>4084109
>>4084094
Oh. Well fuck me. And here I was thinking it was OC.

Well, I was wrong. Sorry about that.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tLJW9-1CdKI

>>4084120
Its ok anon.
We have tons of great memes that never get trotted out.

should we have a /ck/ meme thread?

>>4084128
No.

speaking of /ck/ humor, does anybody have the links of that guy on youtube who cooks really bad food in the small disgusting kitchen? its been so long I'm trying to think of more things about it. the guy is drunk for all of them and has a bathroom attached to his kitchen and he washes his dishes in the bathtub and dumps food into the toilet and sink. I remember the cooking smells so bad that he's gagging and coughing in the videos.........

does anybody know what I'm talking about?

>>4084126
>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tLJW9-1CdKI
uhg you need to watch way more masao before you attempt to honor him

>>4084140
I just saw that the other day!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8XtBVhTBzjk

>>4084140
>>4084140
same guy, I'm remembering more. I remember he cooked some hotdogs directly on the coil burner of his stove and charred the hell out of them, then he dips the charred weiners in a cup of cold water before he eats them. fuck, I'll remember more in a bit. The hotdog actually goes up in flames on the stove.

>>4084148
>>4084144
>>4084142
It is a sad day when /ck/ cannot remember Masao's name.

>>4084140
masaoki is my husbando <3

A while back some anon posted recipes from his kindergarten cookbook. I can't find the thread right now but I remember it being both adorable and hilarious.

>>4084155
My god, thank you!!! I think his videos are disgustingly hilarious. I don't understand why Weber cooks thing is so popular, this shit is where its at. Posting a link to the best one I've seen so far.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8P-3dPjcqos&list=UUGUXr4b1Q-JGGqTC5JDOVwA&index=45

You Know. When I think of a drug which is truly American, I think crystal meth. Sure, it was invented in Japan and first used in Germany, but when it comes down to it, it's about as American as you can get. It's made using common house-hold items, cheap to do so, and it's downright wonderful to use. And yet, over the last few decades, we've allowed ourselves to be subjected to countless forms of meth ranging from weak to just plain insulting. No, you're not going to find good crystal out there in the streets, what with the dealers throwing in glitter or vanilla extract as a "signature". Where you will find it is here, in your own kitchen.

With a little Knowledge, a little science, and a big heap of love, even meth can be...

>>4084227
I hate my computer so much. For some reason whenever I try to watch youtube videos, there's some black box obscuring 90% of the screen that I can't get rid of.

>>4084235
jeasus fuck the stupid captcha ruined it

>>4084235
Oh fuck, that shit was funny without the picture. I'm watching Good Eats right now anyways.

Fuck yea, Opie! This is something I've been trying to start for a while.

A gay man, finally deciding he could no longer hide his sexuality
from his parents, went over to their house, and found his mother in
the kitchen cooking dinner. He sat down at the kitchen table, let
out a big sigh, and said, "Mom, I have something to tell you, I'm gay."
His mother made no reply or gave any response, and the guy was about
to repeat it to make sure she'd heard him, when she turned away from
the pot she was stirring and said calmly, "You're gay -- doesn't that
mean you put other men's penises in your mouth?"
The guy said nervously, "Uh, yeah, Mom, that's right."
His mother went back to stirring the pot, then suddenly whirled
around, whacked him over the head with her spoon and said, "Don't
you EVER complain about my cooking again!!"

Also, I lel'ed at this:
http://j-walk.com/puns/spicepuns.htm

>>4084235
>>4084235

Actually I disagree.

I find it the single most I american thing on the planet- including communism.
Why?
Because it takes away appetite, and we Americans are famous for our feasting and burgers.

It's a terrible drug.

>>4084320

Shut up, >>4084235 was fuck hilarious.

> No one will ever love you.

>gear
What the hell guys, the only drug I've ever heard called gear is heroin.

Put 1-4 chicken breasts on a paper plate. Microwave on high until done in the center, sprinkle some salt and eat. Yum.

>>4084627

>>4084356
Around here people call steroids gear

does anybody remember those terrible spiderman/marvel comic recipes for horrible meals that involved things like "how to make a cake" and the first instruction was to make a cake according to the instructions on the box

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V4EHYbx3Y34
fucking hilarious

>>4084762
no but I remember this

>>4084762
/co/ck/ here. I've actually got it. I've also got the whole thing scanned. I'm sure I'm not the only one.

I have yet to cook anything out of it.

>>4084817
Forgot pic.

>>4084140
www.youtube.com/user/masaoHF

too excited to post these to check if they're already in the thread

>>4084833
<3 the /ck/ newfag

>>4084820
like the hulk's ever seen a salad a day in his life.

Not sure if funny, but I have a picture of candy sushi

Jump Up Night, reporting in!

>>4084817
Most of the recipes range from ridiculous to acceptable. I think Ka-Zar's Steak Kabobs seem like a plausible choice though.

>>4084699
>>4084702
>>4084704
>>4084706


what da fuck...seriously...what the fuck

>>4084869
someone posted it in a food gore thread. I think a young aligator got into their pregutted and skinned fish before it was mechanically sparated and was accidentally added to the soup. Or got accidentially taked from someone elses catch.

>>4084879
Nope, it's the lower jaw of a Pacific salmon.

>>4084887
you must be the fun police in your group of friends.

>>4084128
>blast techno

>>4084917
Not the same guy but would you really rather not know the truth?
Do you think Snopes is a wet rag?
Honestly just curious.

>>4084833
>>4084836
>>4084843
These were always funny, but kudos to the drawfag that made the visual aid.

>>4084986
the origin of the toothy bit was largely debated in the first and second threads the image was posted in. It was found to be most likely fish in origin. I already knew this. I chose to say otherwise for comedic value.

I was going to make a thread about this, but maybe this belongs here:

>Watching a stream and chatting, this guy comes on
>guys I think this thing of frozen chinese food is trolling me
>it says to not remove this plastic wrap around it before microwaving
>it looks like the kind that would melt
>I'm going to be pissed if there's another layer of plastic wrap inside the actual box and that was the one they were referring to

>>4084964
>you haven't forgotten about me already have you?

>>4084964

>fuck up wording
>blast hard techno

>>4085832
Oh jesus fucking christ the horror.

>>4085832

my sides!

I used to love the helpful hint threads on /ck/ that always started with "add salt to a pot of boiling water to make it boil faster."
Everyone knows that's just a myth but still it got so many bites.

I also enjoyed the thread where someone used baking soda instead of baking powder in their cake, and everyone told him to leave his house because he had just made a time bomb.

fire cookies recipe?

what about tears in the rain time to die ramen guy?

>>4087933
And that's why we don't like when people post stating that they are female

>>4084993
>I chose to say otherwise for comedic value.
You should make that clearer next time, by being funny.

whenever sceak posts a picture of himself or his food I have a good laugh. I'm giggling like fucking retard. Or when he talks about his pathetic life

>>4087943
WHY DID THEY ALWAYS START THE THREADS WITH THAT IMAGE
DAMMIT

>>4083819
>Gay sex with hats on

>>4084853
It's not funny but hell do I want some.

Cross posting from /fit/ here but you guys don't really have much in the form of board humor.
inb4 you won't get it