/ck/ - Food & Cooking

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MwCyVku1HvI

>dat blood-curdling scream

>boiling turkey innards/neck to make gravy at Thanksgiving
>reach up into a cabinet above the stove
>stupidly don't use a chair (I'm short)
>slip and knock over the pot
>boiling hot turkey guts and juice all over my foot
>covered in blisters for a month

>>4005437
>peppers, tomatoes, onions and chillies
>blood sacrifice
>best salsa ever

>>4005475
It was. So damn good. Made sandwiches, ate with nachos, salad, anything and even on its own. So yummy.

>>4005475
If you threw in some 100% cocoa you could have had an Aztec salsa.

>>4005468
This is the one where the lady slips and gets a pot of boiling water to the face, right? I'm not clicking it.

>>4005490
I already knew what it was going to be when anon said "dat blood-curdling scream". Fuck watching that again.

>>4005486
Interesting. Seems interesting in a good way.
I don't know much about South/Central American quisine besides the fast food mexican stuff and drinking liters of tasty mate tea.

I've got teh best story with a pic to go with it.
>making fettucine alfredo
>go to drain pasta in sink
>dirty dishes from previous meals piled in the sink
>place colander on top of dishes (this is where i dun goofed)
>pour pasta into colander
>holes in colander are above the sink lip so the water comes gushing out over the sink and onto my pants
>wearing tight jeans
>can't get jeans off
>screaming and trapped in scalding jeans
>jeans finally come off, some skin peels off with it
>2nd degree burn

>pic related, i think this is 2 days after it happened.

>working inna kitchen
>high volume tapas
>busy as fuck
>kitchen is high speed chaos as usual
>turning over saute as fast as humanly possible
>get mixed up about my pans
>bare handed grab an all metal saute pan as i walk buy to take it to oven
>oops, it was fresh out of a 450 degree convection

It was actually like grabbing something out of a freezer with a wet hand. for about half a second it felt ice cold and when i dropped it back on the range i could feel it sticking. right about then cue the most intense searing pain ever. inside of thumb, inside of index finger, and palm brutally seared.

fucking fuck that sucked.

> be drunk as fuck
> I want me some steak
> cook steak
> rest that shit
> watching shit on laptop
> no steak knife, I'll use a kitchen knife
> start to cut steak
> looking at laptop
> oww, shit. Must have some steak piss on me
> cut through my hand between thumb and index finger
> sever all nerves and tendons
> sketti everywhere

>>4005496
It was a joke (peppers/tomatoes/onions/chilies/cocoa/blood sacrifice = Aztec), but it couldn't hurt. Might get it tasting sort of like mole.

>>4005498
>tight jeans
I hope you're a woman, otherwise you deserved it.
Hope you're better now though.

>>4005524
Expected that, still sounded good.

>>4005526

you mother deserved it. All of it.

>>4005531
That wouldn't happen to her because she doesn't wear tight jeans at home.

>>4005533

not at your home at least

>>4005536
The only times she wears tight fitting jeans is if she goes out with her girl friends.
Don't get upset because you're a screw up.
Could've all been easily avoided.

Never had anything terrible. I once dropped a glass on my foot and it turned my toe black. I had to pierce it with a needle to relieve pressure. Then one day I got bored and ripped it out.

>>4005541

why won't she return my calls :'(

>>4005492
>>4005490
Come on guys, it's just an advert, with actors. A CANADIAN one, at that.

>>4005546
Quit being upset, sonny.

>>4005498
>>dirty dishes from previous meals piled in the sink
you deserved it, faggot

>>4005544
You ripped your toe out of its socket?

>>4005552

No, she was all I had. Fuck you and fuck /ck/. I'm off to /r9k/, they know how to treat a nigger

>Thanksgiving dinner
>Making something with herbs of some variety
>Not yet very experienced with chopping
>Holding a bunch of SUPER LEAFY shit with my left hand
>Making a kind of inverted bowl shape with it
>All those long fingers
>Chop chop chop
>Feel suddenly like I'm cutting through a firm piece of beef
>Dat gritty, meaty texture
>OH FUCK THERES SO MUCH BLOOD
>OH WHAT THE FUCK THATS MY FINGERTIP

Cleaning that fucking thing was an exercise in futility. It was just a solid blood-red stump, with 1/3 of the fingernail hacked off n everything. Shit sucked but it basically regrew within several months.

>>4005568
Talk to them about your tight teenage girl pants, they'll love it there.

>>4005437
>>4005569
Christ, this is why I always stare at the cutting board like a hawk when I cut shit up.

>>4005562
No my nail. The toe would have been more impressive though.

>>4005578

What added more pain to a lot of pain was how I initialy tried to treat it. I had plenty of first-aid supplies but what do I choose? The fucking massive wad of cotton gauze. Applied directly to the stump. Yeah, with a bleeder like that when it came time to take the gauze off it was like pulling up carpeting. Fucking awful. And no, wrenching it off like you do with bandaids did NOT make it better... fucking awful just thinking about it.

>Grilling at a barbeque
>Highly intoxicated
>Put on new round of burgers and close the grill
>While talking to some friends I lean on the grill
>They all stare at me weirdly, I just keep talking
>10 seconds later I realize my forearm is fucking killing me
>She's sizzling boys
>Skin looked like V's hands from V for Vendetta
>Finished cooking with other arm, then went to the ER.

Still a pretty good goddamn barbeque

they say a picture is worth a thousand words

I can build a small child with what this has sliced off of the unsuspecting who've only used WalMart mandolins. Waifu won't even touch it anymore.

>>4005603
dat file name haha

I once drove my mother and a piece of her thumb to the ER after using one of those.

>>4005437

>I once cut off the tip of my thumb. That shit hurt and wouldn't stop bleeding for a long time, and got reopened whenever I tried to change bandage for it... Also, the burning sensation that lasted for few days was nasty.

>I once got boiled soup thrown on me by a careless trainee

>I've grabbed oven-hot trays/other metal objects several times

>I slipped and twisted my ankle on a washing hose in a kitchen once

>Serving food to a customer over the counter, I forgot the induction pan on, resulting in huge oil-fueled flames

Shit happens in the kitchen.

>>4005603
>the fucking feel

>>4005603

Thanks for refreshing my memory, my second off-tipping of a finger was with one of those while slicing a cucumber in a hurry. Index finger, not as bad as the thumb earlier though.

>>4005603
My dad killed himself with one of those.

I've managed not to injure myself terribly so far.

My dad set his arm and eyebrows on fire once though, trying to set fire to some cognac.

>Be working in traditional, american-style restaurant.
>Pilot light goes out on one of the fryers.
>Sous chef goes to light it.
>Charizard uses blaze.
>It's super effective!
>Eyebrows/lashes/hair burned off.

>>4005498
That's your leg? Do you even lift?

>>4005498

cold water bro.

Medical tips from a professional cook:

Cut yourself? Really bad? Put black pepper on that shit. It hurts but you'll clot up really fast.

Burned yourself? Lemon Juice Will stop it from blistering.

I've used both of these in the field, and they work well.

>>4005639
I did not witness, but here is the story:
>mildly scummy kitchen, typical industry lowlives
>dude ("sous chef") bends over the fryer
>bic cigarette lighter slips from his shirt pocket
>lands in the fryer
>everyone around ducks for cover, except the guy who dropped the lighter
>he grabs his tongs and goes in fishing for the lighter
>just as he reaches towards the fryer with his tongs, the lighter suffers catastrophic failure
>lighter KBs (no flame, just the plastic pressurized case bursting)
>throws oil all over teh dudes arms
>fullkitchenlolocaust

Now, its a story and i can not vouch for its truthiness, but i can confirm the explosive potential of a lighter.
>writing paper
>chain smoking
>set lit smokey on lighter while typing something up fast
>cigarette cherry melts small hole in lighter
>BOOM
I dont think i have ever been so startled and confused

>>4005663
also
>duct tape

>>4005630
Is your dad Richard Pryor?

>>4005675
He went fishing for a plastic lighter in a fryer? Fuck. Man he deserved the burn.

>be in commercial culinary education class
>be working on salads and soups
>see a rack of pizzas catch on fire in the two door convection oven
>right next to deep fryer.
>people working line and deep frier are just ignoring it
>turn off convection
>grab pizza tray with only available oven pad
>too heavy to one hand it
>ask someone for another quick
>no one responds
>rest other corner on forearm and dump contents in compartment sink and flush with water
>look at left arm
>3 inch section of skin missing
>it's stuck to the bottom of the tray

>>4005663
huh I always used cornstarch or flour. I guess most powders are coagulants though.

>>4005734
You should have just quietly hauled ass out of there and let them burn.

>>4005468
>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MwCyVku1HvI

>dat feel with fiancee works in a restaurant kitchen, and wedding is in a month

>>4005498
>jeans finally come off, some skin peels off with it

Come on, bro. Basic burn first aid - don't remove clothing from the burn.

Shoulda just gone to the ER or called 911

Pathetically small, but currently repping this burn, which I think is actually quite a pretty shape. Note to self: Invest in an oven glove/ tea towel.

When I was a kid, my mum managed to explode a blender by putting hot soup in it. Not very clever. The boiling soup exploded all over her and she started yelling and manically stripping in the kitchen. I was just pissed off cos she ripped off all the paper jewelry I made her.

>be in culinary school
>be baking some bread for croutons
>dudes next to my oven are blanching and shocking vegetables
>they move their pot to the sink across the oven
>checking on mah bread
>suddenly be in extreme pain
>uncontrollable screaming ensues
>realize they just fucking dropped their pot of boiling hot water on my feet
>ice bath that shit for hours
>my feet become blistered as fuck for a week

seriously, i regret that day so much.

>>4005468

It's like I walked into a Final Destination trailer.

Shit that's disturbing.

>>4005792
>girl
>British

hello

So guys, tomorrow I'm "test working" at a kitchen at a place for the first time. I kinda raised the bar when I said I had previous experience working in a kitchen, but that was in a lunch cafeteria esque place with few customers.

Now though I'll serve hundreds of customers during one night, and as such I'm kinda worried that I will screw up. Got any tips?

>>4005792
Shit. Storm. Incoming.

Get out while you still can. Or not since you look damned beautiful and I can see more pics when they force you to post them.

>>4005792
I think I need more pictures of you to get a better idea of that burn. Perhaps a mug shot will do, and maybe one of your body.

Thanks in advance.

>>4005792
How bout you rep them tittys and shove a sharpie up your as for me?

>>4005873
no, please stay. I want to date you

>>4005792
>my mum

>looks at pic again

Do me.

>>4005888
Back off, s/he's mine.

You do have a penis, right? If not, that's cool too. I just would prefer if you did.

>>4005792

OP here, don't die on me!

>>4005792
those dick sucking lips

also
>females taking photos

peeling potatoes and accidently peeling your nail

that's why I don't like peeling potatoes.
it's ALWAYS the potato. Other veggies, no problem. Only fucking potato sons of bitches.

>work pastry at restaurant
>taking breadsticks for service out of the oven, burn forearm
>meh, i have shit to do. start rolling pretzel buns
>family meal, spanish dishwasher lady asks in broken english if i burnt my arm, points to burn
>look at it, blistering up and looking pretty nasty
>"oh, yeah, breadsticks"
>she nods, goes back to eating.

i get burned enough to scar once a month or so. luckily i don't scar for very long.

>>4005870
bring a small notebook to take notes
"yes chef" and "no chef"
work as fast as possible, but work smart. don't do a half ass job just because it's faster.
keep the station clean.

>>4006129
your hair is beautiful anon I'd love to see more of it

cooked bacon in frying pan with bare hands. shit was weird.

>>4005792
single?

>>4005603

This is why work makes us use cut gloves every time we use a mandolin.

>>4005498
>>dirty dishes from previous meals piled in the sink
>>place colander on top of dishes (this is where i dun goofed)

>ON TOP OF DIRTY DISHES

That's fucking gross.

>>4006209
yeah

>>4005663
>10/10

kitchen trolling, masterclass edition

>>4005437
seeing a pic like this use to make me cringe, but now I look at it with indifference. What have I become?

>>4006230
...edgy

>>4006230
faggpt

>making eggs with habaneros
>wash hands for 20 min to rid them of any residuals
>eat breakfast, yum
>hour later go to take a piss
>AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
>cry a little

>chopping jalapenos
>forget to wash hands thoroughly
>get horny
>fapfapfapfapfapfap
>OH GOD MY DICK IS ON FIRE

;_;

>>4006316
Wait, how does jalapenos cause combustion????

>>4006318
Because your dad touches you at night.

>>4005603
These cthulian monstrosities require regular human sacrifice. I can hear mine moaning direly from the pantry as we speak.... Whelp, better go julienne my fingers for the dark god of the kitchen recesses

>>4006361
don't forget the dark master Ninja food processor.

many a time I hear the lonely yelp of the shitfuckgoddamnit bird as wife empties the dishwasher and gets nicked by it's blade of mayhem

>be my brother
>be 18, junky, NYC
>work in tiny cramped fry station seperate from main kitchen, full of about 8 fryers and 3 or 4 fry cooks
>have ice water because it is freaking hot and little/no ventilation
>waitress comes through from broom closet.
>mop handle knocks fucking 64 oz pitcher of ice water into a fryer.
>talk about kitchen haulocaust. I think he ran, then had to go back in to rescue burning hispanic co-worker.
>mfw hearing this story

>>4006364
Oh, what dark pantheon of demonic spirits awaits in our cupboards?
Oh I know tfw wife/gf can't handle even the simplest kitchen appliance without shitfuckgodamnit all over the place

>be 5
>don't understand green banana is unripe banana
>trying to peel, won't peel because green
>whip out huge chef's knife to cut that bitch peel off
>holding knife completely wrong
>slice the shit out of finger
>blood everywhere
>hospital
>no stitches; just surgical tape
>healed up in a month
>wicked scar now for a not-so-wicked story

>>4006316
same here man
>chop thai chilies for curry
>smoke weed after
>masturbate later (i'm a lady, what is the correct terminology for masturbate)
>slight burn
i was pretty high though so it actually felt kinda good

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tN2gpRcFKAQ

this ad was so disturbing

>>4006442
>lady
you still masturbate you retard

>>4005499

Who was the fucking idot NOT putting a towl over it? Fucking standard procedure in the kitchen!!!!!!!!!!!!

Every fucking place I work at, I get new scars on my arms.

>Heating lights with metal cover
>Start plating the dish
>Lift shit up
>Hit the metal cover
>4 cm scar from the burn

>Rushing down the stair to grab something out of freezer
>Falls on the way up
>The staircase looks like fucking metal teeth
>3 Stitches in my hand

>Putting bok choi in a smoking hot pan
>Oil flyes everywhere
>Reaction is pull arm away
>Pull arm straight into edge of wok pan
>Twice...
>Fresh scars.

>>4005437
Oh sweet jesus i fucking felt your pain in my own hand right as I read that part.

fucking fuck shit.

>>4006442
I know girls who use "fap" and I don't think that's a problem. Depending on how hard you're doing it, you might

>/ck/

Right, my bad.

Here's another story:
>be 8 years ago
>11 years old
>cutting some prosciutto
>cutting like a retard
>left hand in front of knife
>hit hard spot
>knife slips
>take a chunk out of my left thumb
>OH SHIT I'M GONNA DIE

But I didn't. Thank you, #BASEDGOD.

>>4005498
mfw saw thumbnail, thought was tattoo.

Feel better soon, bro.

>>4005601
Drunk or not, that was pretty wicked of you to finish the bbq before headinf to the ER.

FNG on the Hobart

blood blood everywhere.

also

opening the front door on the dishwasher, FNG slams the side doors shut, gets sprayed with 180 water.

har dee fucking har.

don't get me started with what you can do with ramekins under the broiler.

>poaching salmon because baseball game in 20 min
>fucking hurry!
>check. theyre done. epic
>fish out with slotted spoon
>first piece leaves a little water on the plate
>ill just do a better job at straining the next piece
>use fork to hold salmon in place while i tilt the spoon.
>almost dry. almost dry.
>SPLASH
>boiling fish water on the face right below the eye
>finish plating like a bawss and ready for first pitch

>first kitchen job
>stayed up late with friends that were servers at the restaurant, very tired and half awake
>turn on fryers
>accidentally drop a chip into fryer moving tub 20 minutes later
>pull chip out of oil with bare hand

I learned my lesson.

>>4006442
Guys fap, girls schlick. schlick schlick schlick schlick

also, masturbate is correct

>Living with gf
>Go to make somethig with jalapenos, dunno what
>slicing them, when suddenly I finish and keep cooking
>10 minutes later, gf gets randy and drags me to bedroom
>things get going, I use my hand to pleasure her
>she starts screaming, runs to bathroom
>I didn't wash my hands after chopping

I think she's forgotten about it by now.

I've not endured anything terrible, but I'm really paranoid about sharp and hot stuff anyway. Only sustained some burns, and busted my ass once when I didn't realize the floors had been mopped about 3 minutes ago by co-worker. I once had a terrible curse of cuts over the span of about a week too, like 4 cuts on the same hand. Salt sucked til those healed up.

When I was in school we had a guy have a fryer blow up on him. Air got trapped in something he dropped and popped grease all over the place. Was loud as hell and totally shut the kitchen up. Poor guy just stood there shaking not having a clue what really happened. Couple of people help him take off his uniform and first aid, etc. Taken to the hospital and peeled his hands and face. Good news was he healed up good. Not even a mark.

His name was Chris, but afterward we called him Chrispy. Serious...

>>4006584
10/10, I think you just invented a new fetish, if that didn't sound painful as fuck.

I think you guys might find these handy.

cooking injury thread? maybe I can get some help here

new to cooking so if I'm missing something obvious please point it out

anyways, whenever I cook anything in oil and it starts sizzling, tiny little drops of oil will occasionally splatter out of the pan and land on my arms. It just stings a little and is really only a little annoying, but is there a way to avoid this other than wearing long sleeves? Am I using too much oil or cooking it too hot or something?

>be making pizzas
>trying to get finished pizza out of the oven
>other pizzas in the way
>reach over with spatula
>lift pizza, wrist touches ceiling of oven
>get blister
meh

>>4006976
make sure the pan/pot is completely dry before heating
the bubbles are from water droplets trapped under the oil and then exploding out after turning to steam

>>4006976

its from water. with some stuff you cant avoid it, but just man up. it doesnt hurt that bad.

>>4006584

yeah, same thing happened to me. she was all 'DON'T TAKE YOUR FINGER OUT THE AIR HURTS EVEN MORE' so i just stayed there as motionless as i could possibly be, until i realised maintaining contact was a stupid fucking idea. rubbed insanity sauce on my japseye to make up for it. was hilarious in the end.

>be commercial cook
>have aspirations of owning kitchen one day
>be engaged to really great guy
>moving pot of hot oil off stovetop
>slip on spill
>hot oil to face
>blood curdling scream
>horribly disfigured
>knew all of this was going to happen 30 seconds prior
>be psychic as fuck

>>4007686
Way to go!

>be retarded little kid making some meatballs
>open ground beef package with a knife
>hand holding top part of package
>cut towards hand

Yeah guess what happened next. Right into the spot between your thumb and index finger.

>>4006976
I usually take my chicken (one of the foods which splatters me the most because of the juices inside) off the heat for a few seconds to flip it. It cuts down on the splatter

>>4006442
Commonly accepted analogous onomatopoesy for female masturbation is "schlick".
Also, pics or it didn't happen.

>Was a high school freshman
>Sister and mom had to run out, told me that I should just throw a frozen pizza in because she wouldn't have time to cook that day
>Wanna go hang with my friends, so I'm doing it in a really rushed and distracted way
>Pizza's done
>Reach in the oven
>Look away for a second, feel an odd sensation in my hand
>Look back
>Back of hand was on the electric heating element of the stove
>Shitshitshit take it off
>Get the pizza out
>Look at back of hand
>Huge, burning, open wound more than half the length of my hand
>Didn't feel too bad, didn't really bleed, must've been cauterized
>Rinsed it off
>A few hours later, a super intense pain
>Didn't go to the hospital, left the wound open for a few days, then covered it with a bandaid
>Still burnt and fucked up for about a month and a half
>6 or 7 years later, still have a scar on my hand from that.

>>4006535

>>4006550
it's jill off nowadays isn't it?
used to have shampoo with mint in it- dat tingle...

>be 13 and decide to make shortbread cookies
>only liquid is butter, don't soften or thaw or anything before mixing
>oh look it's stuck to the beaters
>stick my hand in while the mixer is going, to get the butter off of the beaters
>break finger, have delicious cookies

>>4008034
Pics

>12
>Mother making pizza
>Obsessed with every meal being healthy
>1 inch thick vegetable stew for the 'sauce'
>Chunk of mozzarella on top
>Bite in, holy shit that's hot
>Pain causes my arm to pull away
>Cheese stays with the bite
>Flops down onto my chin
>Involuntarily clench jaw in pain
>Cheese sticks there, burning.

>Pizzas are now made properly at home, thin layer of sauce, cheese and other toppings on top

>>4008574 >only liquid is butter

While there is a small amount of water in butter, it is mostly fat and milk solids.

Shortbread is 1 part sugar, 2 parts fat, 3 parts flour.


/analmodeoff

>Be making egg white omelet type thing
>Cooking it in olive oil
>Go to flip it
>Burning hot oil splatters all the way up to my face
>tfw if it weren't for my glasses I'd be blind

>Be making cioppino for New Years
>Making homemade sauce for it
>Put sauce in blender to smooth it out
>Sauce still hot
>About one second after I turned it on the lid flew off and burning hot sauce every where
>Eyes would've gotten burnt if not for glasses

Despite the fact that I get injured a decent amount in cooking, I actually don't have any significant scars from it, and it's never been anything too serious.
The oil one did give me a couple little dot scars in my face, but luckily they blend in with my freckles.

>>4008744
why do people always flip omelettes. theres no need for it and it tastes less eggy

>be drinking and cooking some curry in my kitchen
>pretty drunk, had some bros over
>Roommate has put a new magnetic knife rack thing on the wall
>"oh cool"
>go to grab a knife
>the whole thing falls off of the wall with six (expensive) knives on it
>blades bounce off the counter, flying all around me
>I watch as one giant butcher knife spirals down and goes directly into my right foot
>completely drunk so my reaction time was nonexistant, doesn't even hurt in the moment
>look at my foot as my sock turns bright red
>mfw

It went 3 inches, directly between the bones of my foot. Got pretty lucky that it didn't cut any tendons. My roommate had tried to put a magnetic strip (that wasn't even for knives, fuck) to the wall with loops of electric tape. He felt so bad that he helped with the hospital bills so we're cool now

Oh and my bros finished up my curry and ruined it : (

>>4008829
>My roommate had tried to put a magnetic strip (that wasn't even for knives, fuck) to the wall with loops of electric tape.
>with six (expensive) knives on it

>>4008591

>healthy pizza
>chunks of mozzarella

I will admit putting garlic and onion in pizza sauce can be good, maybe even red and green peppers, but not much else

>Make food
>Later after it's done and eating my finger feels burnt a bit and is slightly inflamed.
>Don't remember burning it
Happens all the time.

This didn't happen to me (thank God).

>slip on floor
>throw arms out instinctively
>standing next to deep fryer
>hand is completely submerged
>retract hand instantly
>run to freezer
>stuff hand in ice
>skin is burned off
>hand is miraculously functional

Back when I was like, 10-11 maybe.

>Have over the range microwave set up.
>So high up that we have to use a chair to get stuff out of it and even then most of us are still to short to get it.
>Brother who is 6 at the time is making oatmeal.
>Taking boiling hot bowl of water out.
>Spills it all over his hand.
>Fall also causes one of the stove knobs to turn. It was to fast though so just gas was coming out and no sparks.
>Brothers whole arm is blistered and burnt.
>Has to wear medical tape on it for whole summer.

And that's why I hate over the range set ups for everything, cause putting something you use every day over something that shoots gas and is usually hot and on fire the whole time is not my idea of "Good places to put appliances."

>cook pie in microwave
>bite into pie
>it tastes like lava
>have blisters on roof of mouth

>>4005868
>>4005881
>>4005887
>>4005888

Looks like the Internet Nanny programs your parents installed aren't working.

>>4008923
>something you use every day
>microwave

>working at subway
>tomato slice on the ground
>slips and slides forward
>slams into searing hot toaster oven door arms contact first
>permanent burns

>>4008980
I know that feel

>making curry soup
>has cubed potatoes in it
>all other times I've put cubed potatoes in recipes the potatoes never cooked inside
>near end of cooking time, take potato out of soup, blow on it to cool it off, put entire thing in mouth
>bite into potato
>searing pain all over roof of mouth, spit potato out onto counter
>half of roof of mouth blistered for days

I'm glad I finally successfully boiled those damn cubed potatoes.

Not too sure if this counts

>be young kid
>eating hot pot with family
>member of family going full retard, tosses something frozen into hot pot
>water goes splashing high up
>somehow magically lands inside my left eye
>AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHMOTHEROFGODFUCK
>someone else in family goes fuller retard. Decides to put this medicine in my eye

I have no idea what it's called in english, but it's some chinese shit and from the smell probably alcohol based.

>too young to realize it's a shit idea
>nod my head in agreement
>it goes in. AHHHHFUCKITBURNSWORSEWTF
>survive encounter. Vision in left eye is now significantly worse than vision in my right.

i'm not bitter. Not bitter at all

>>4006976
Buy a splatter guard.

>>4009110
>curry soup
What the fuck is that?

I have matching scars on both hands from a drunken attempt to remove a pizza from an oven.

>>4009288
Yup - your family is retarded....

>>4008829
>knife rack
>electrical tape

Your friend is an idiot

>>4009038
In a family with children, yes, the microwave will get used EVERY DAY even if every meal is home cooked. Also, what, you don't reheat shit? Don't be a snobby faggot.

>>4005468
oh look i'm never fucking leaving my house again

This shit makes me never want to cook again. Luckily I've avoided doing anything too terrible
>Work in a restaurant as a prepchef/wait staff, I was the only other employee other than my boss because he was stingy and didn't want to spend the money on new workers
>he tells me to pull the garlic bread out of the oven
>searching for something to pick the bread up with
>"No, just pick it up with your hands. It's not hot."
>Oh okay, I stupidly believe him
>grasp it tightly and naively, skin comes off fingertips
>He pulls out the rest and gives me a look

I think he was a superhero. They were still fuckin' cooking in there. Just because you have super calloused fingertips doesn't mean everyone else does, old man.

>2 weeks ago
>Making caramel apples
get done with caramel, go to put the dirty pot in the sink
>drop a bit of caramel on the counter
>oh i'll just wipe it with my finger and rinse it
>nope, it's fucking boiling hot caramel and my brain didn't register
>stuck to finger
>rinse it with water to try to get it off
>it's stuck, have to pull it off
>finger looks pretty warped because I wiped the caremel, the skin all went to the direction I wiped it

2 weeks later it's healing pretty well. There's just a pink patch where the blister was.

>>4008829
Ugh, roommates man

>I was maybe in 7th grade
>Mom was opening up a can
>Slits her entire thumb, seems to be hanging off
>Get really nervous, so do my younger siblings
>She drives herself to the emergency room with us in the car.
>All fixed up

>making baked potato chips
>pull out of oven with gloves, everything fine
>for some reason take off gloves and think "Derp, gotta move pan"
>pick up burning hot pan with bare hands
>burning seared flesh everywhere
>drop pan back onto counter and holler at roommates to take me to hospital
>they run in, don't realize what's going on
>one picks up pan for some reason
>he burns his hands too
>other roommate who had only had license for a day had to drive two screaming people to hospital

In hindsight it was hilarious, but while it happened it was terrifying. Bits of skin were stuck to the pan

>>4008591
>garniture on top of cheese

Why do americans do this?

>>4012627
The fuck possibly could make you think that's an american thing?

>>4005603
i cut 1/3 an inch off my thumb with a slicer ruined all my potatoes

>be 12
>be a massive faggot
>be cooking chicken on a stovetop
>hurr hurr, this chicken looks dry let me add some oil
>spray-on oil, that is
>aerosol
>open flame

it took me months to regrow my eyebrows and eyelashes and clean up all the spaghetti flowing forth from my pockets that day

>>4013231
why didnt you just slice potatoes with a knife like a regular person
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wc3FxV8qfYk&NR=1&feature=endscreen

I work in kitchen.
I quess the worst things are fat-burns, once i got it on my finger really bad in middle of busy service, couldnt do anything else than just suffer, it took 3 weeks to heal because i had to work 6 days a week.

Nother one was a really deep cut on my finger while i was washing dishes on sunday brunch.
It was so deep i had to go to hospital and got 5 days off from work lol.

Deep fryer.
Drops can of spray oil in.
At risk of blowing up the kicthen...
STICKS FUCKING ARM IN THERE!
No arm.
Still Cooks.
Boss.
--------------------------
Head chef.
Drops stockpot of boiling oil all over himself
while bending into the combi.
No face/hair/anything left of previous identity.
Still a head chef.
Boss.
--------------------------
Mate of mine (2nd year apprentice) has the token meth-crazed cook turn into him with a hot pan.
Burns the fuck out of his arm (permanent scar).
Proceeds to pull a filleting knife at the guy and threaten to take his fucking scalp off (this is entirely possible).
Steps outside and beats the shit out of eachother.
Mate is now Jr. Sous Chef of a CBD members kitchen at 19 years old.
Boss.
---------------
And finally, myself, STEPPING IN A BUCKET OF CAUSTIC AND GREASE FROM THE FLAT GRILL. Luckily I was wearing high-tops at the time so I had time to kick them off.
Not before I lost (permanently) all the hair around my ankle and had to have a bath in vinegar.
Still a shit cunt.
Not boss.

>>4005499
I've done this before, too. Some idiot left his oven-hot sautee pan on the burner with the handle pointed outwards, like it was ready to be used.

Nice ring of blisters on my hand in the shape of the pan handle. Fuck my life, I almost had to go home, the pain was nearly crippling.

>>4005499
when i was younger, my dad tried to start cooking for me and him. He made some oven baked chicken one time, and it included putting the pan into the oven. He, of course, forgot about "hot pan in oven" soon after taking it out...on multiple occasions.

Finally, one time, he got an oven mitt, rubber band and piece of paper. He wrote "anti-stupid device" on the paper and tied it around the handle

All he then had to do was not forget to put it on...

>>4005437
>>in a moment of complete retardation I use my left hand with the missing tip to get the tip

goddammit anon, I just spilled my drink

>>4008837
>hurr durr cheese so bad for you

>>4005601
you my friend a true man

>>4006366
>>4006366

I have no idea why the phrase "burning hispanic coworker" made me just piss myself laughing...

>>4013796
...but it is.

>>4013936
[citation needed]

>>4005468
And this is why I almost never leave my house

>>4005868
>>4005873
>>4005880
>>4005881
>>4005888
>>4005977
>>4006109
>>4006200
>>>/b/
Good god you`re all pathetic

>roasting some red tater in the oven
>go in there and stir that shit up so all cut sides are tasty as fuck
>burn back of hand on top element
>finish and serve dinner with moderately painful 2 inch burn
>end of night mom: "remember the rules anon you cook, you clean"
>forced to put burned hand under hot water till all dishes are cleaned, dried and put away

Working at a coffee shop where we also did smoothies, ice cream sundaes, etc., really busy so the owner decides she'll help out with a sundae order. She puts the plastic squirt bottle of fudge into the microwave for over a minute so the fudge will be hot. I grab it not realizing the bottom of the bottle had fucking melted, turn it over to squeeze out some fudge, boiling hot fudge pours out all over my hand. She didn't even offer to help pay for my medical expenses and I was a naive high schooler that didn't know my employee rights, so I sucked it up.

>>4014091

You grabbed something out of a microwave oven and weren't expecting it to be hot?

>>4014078
>you cook, you clean
This seems to be the highest calibre of bullshit. Why would anyone want to cook if they had to clean too? I mean yeah cleaning the pots/pans/trays and utensils you used to cook the meal I can see, but having to clean everyone else's dishes too? Bullshit.

>>4014078
>you cook you clean
what kind of backwards lazy family do you live in?

>>4014093
Not even him but learn to read you dumbass.

>plastic bottle
>over a minute
>bottom had melted

>>4005601
did you say "something smells really good, you guys" before realizing it was your arm?

>>4014093
It's not that I wasn't expecting it to be hot, it's that the FUCKING BOTTOM OF THE BOTTLE HAD MELTED and the melted part was facing away from me. I only learned afterwards that she had put it in the microwave for over a minute, I was busy with other orders while she was "helping" me with the sundae

>>4014099

...so you don't clean up after yourself? Does mommy do it for you?

>>4014101

Sure, I read that. The details are irrelevant though. It doesn't matter how long it was in the microwave, or if it was melted or not. News flash: items in the oven are often hot, and you should be careful when touching them.

>>4014129
News Flash: you're fucking retarded if you think particular circumstances don't change situations. Had I known she had put it in for over a minute instead of the 10-20 seconds it should have required, I would have handled it differently. There's a huge difference between microwaving something for a few seconds and for over a fucking minute. The fact that the melted part was facing away from me also played into how I handled the bottle thinking it was still intact.

>>4014154

Oh, I fully understand that the excessively long microwave time explains why he got burned badly instead of a little bit. I get that.

I'm simply saying that it's idiotic to reach into an OVEN without considering that the contents may in fact be HOT. Who the fuck is that careless when reaching into an oven?

>>4014129
The bottle itself obviously wasn't hot if he didn't get burned until he turned it over. Stop being dumb.

>>4014180
>microwave
>reaching into an OVEN
Dude you're either trolling or clinically retarded.

>at work
>busy as fuck friday
>working on the grill/stove with the head chef
>chef pulls stick pan out of stove with duck breast in it
>10 seconds pass
>tells me to get him the duck
>dont use rag
>wrap fingers around a pan that has been in a 500 degree oven
>drop immediately
>get yelled at for not getting the duck quick enough

Ive never been so happy to be fired from a job.

Fuck restaurants and fuck chefs

>>4014197

Well, a microwave oven is still a type of oven, now isn't it?

The point is that an oven (microwave or normal) has the function of heating food. That's what it's for--it makes food hot. So, it stands to reason that when you take something out of the microwave it might be hot.

>>4014205
Holy shit, you're the dumbest motherfucker on /ck/, you know that?
No SHIT the contents were hot. But the guy obviously thought it was just 'chocolate's melting temp' hot, not 'MELTED FUCKING PLASTIC' hot.
Im not gonna warm up a glass fo milk in the microwave and equip an oven mitt and three pairs of tongs just to get the fucker out there.
INDIVIDUAL. CIRCUMSTANCES.

>>4014205
A couple years ago my brother was over and tried to make soup. I asked him how he'd made it and he told me (and specifically said he'd put in 2 cups of stock).

I went to try it and almost vomited from how salty it was. When he said he'd added 2 cups of stock, he meant 2 cups of stock POWDER. He thought that's what the recipe called for.

Now, that ties in to this whole microwave fiasco. When somebody tells you they've done something, you usually don't go with the worst case scenario and assume they're complete retards. He picked up the bottle from the microwave and it didn't burn him, turned it over to squirt the fudge out - which would normally work even if the fudge was extremely hot (which is what you seem to be rambling on about) - and got burnt because the bottom of the goddamn bottle had melted.

Even if he'd assumed it was hot, it wouldn't have saved him because IT WASN'T HOT WHEN HE PICKED IT UP YOU MOUTHBREATHING CUNTSCRAPE.

>>4014207
>>4014218
Thank god I'm not the only rational human being raging at how retarded this assmonkey is.

>>4014207

>But the guy obviously thought it was just 'chocolate's melting temp' hot, not 'MELTED FUCKING PLASTIC'

Yes, and he got burned because of his mistaken thought.
Which means he should be fucking careful when handling things out of the oven.
Which is all that I'm saying.

>>4014218
>Even if he'd assumed it was hot, it wouldn't have saved him because IT WASN'T HOT WHEN HE PICKED IT UP YOU MOUTHBREATHING CUNTSCRAPE.

So according to you, being careful stops once you've removed something from the oven? You don't have to worry about it after that?

I'm not even sure why you keep arguing about this. Microwave boy burned himself. That single fact makes it clear that he should have been more careful.

>>4014233
>don't ever walk across the road you might get hit by a car
>don't eat food you'll choke
>don't take a shit you'll get stuck on the toilet and starve to death

>>4014233
what the is your objective here? to prove over the internet to anonymous people that a guy in a story on the internet was wrong?

do you realize how stupid this sounds?
also, you are wrong.

>>4014233
Holy fucking shit what the fuck is so hard about this to comprehend? Is English even your first language?

I was under the assumption that the owner was not completely mentally retarded AND had microwaved the fudge container before, so she would know how long to microwave it for - MEANING there was no rational reason to sit there for 5 minutes and thoroughly inspect the entirety of the bottle for structural defects before handling the bottle while a customer is waiting. If she had microwaved it for a proper amount of time, there would have been no damage to the bottle, thus no boiling hot fudge squirting out all over my hand.

If there's anything you should be giving me shit about, it should be the fact that I didn't assume the owner was a complete retard, which is usually a safe assumption but previous experience left me with the impression that she wasn't completely inept.

>>4014251
It's like you can't piece two related sentences together. Are you not a native English speaker or something? Lemme try again, one last time.

>microwave anon pulls fudge bottle out of the microwave
>it is presumably cool or at most warm to the touch
>subconsciously he thinks "There is no possible way this can harm me unless I squirt it on myself or the container is compromised - unlikely, considering my boss just handled it"
>he turns the bottle upside down to squeeze some fudge onto the icecream
STOP
READ SLOWLY AND CAREFULLY FROM HERE ON
>if the bottle hadn't been melted due to his boss being the same calibre of retard as you, the fudge would have come out onto the icecream and anon would have continued on his day
>HOWEVER, it wasn't, and he was burned

You have taught us a valuable lesson, though. With dipshits like you roaming the world we really SHOULD be more careful.

>>4014264

The point is that you shouldn't be making ANY assumptions....ovens are potentially dangerous (gee, whodathought?), and people are stupid.

Whether or not the owner was a retard doesn't matter. Even if it was you doing the cooking you could easily have pushed the wrong button or input the wrong time. Someone could have changed the heat setting on the microwave. Or, as microwaves are want to do, the heating could have been uneven. There are no safe assumptions with ovens, especially microwaves. It is always possible for your food to be hot as fuck, whether or not the owner was a retard or not.

I don't mean to give you any grief at all--you had an accident and you're the one that got burned, so you probably need no further reminding about the dangers of microwaves--you learned your lesson. It's the rest of the gomers in the thread that need a reminder about it.

All I'm saying is that before you reach into an oven, be fucking careful as you never know how hot the contents might be, or if the bottle/bowl/plate is cracked, or any number of other possible problems.

>>4014288
Complete sentences and a logical presentation? Get out of here imposter, you're not fooling anyone.

>>4014288
Okay, I'm out. This guy probably coats his table corners in bubble wrap so he doesn't bleed to death by walking into one.

>>4014270

Oh, I can read that perfectly. I simply disagree with where you lay blame.

Let's go back to the "read slowly" part from your post:

....If microwave boy had been thinking clearly, he might have thought: "gee, this just came out of the oven, and I have yet to see how thick the fudge is therefore it might be really really hot. This is likely because I've heard the microwave running for a long time now. I had better be careful when I put the fudge on the ice cream...holy shit, I can see a hole in the bottle, maybe I need to get a mitt or a different container".

See, you want to blame someone else for microwave boy's mistake. Instead of blaming his lack of care, you want to point the finger elsewhere.

That's simply a bad attitude to take, because being careful saves your ass even if you are working with a retard like me.

>>4014301
He said he couldn't see the hole and if he was busy he probably wouldn't have noticed the microwave running for so long

>>4014320

Yes, we've already established that he was working his butt off and wasn't being careful with what he was doing.

>>4005437
>2012
>a "cook" thinks the heat of the pepper is "in the seedz"
>ohgod.jpg

>>4005499
>for about half a second it felt ice cold
>TFW you know that you just touched something hot and fucked up really badly

>>4014335
ok so in your opinion the worker that is trying to do his job is at fault when an inept coworker causes him to be injured, got it. Good thing idiots like you are put in special homes rather than allowed out in the workforce

>>4014099
my moms rules
>you cook, you clean
>i cook, you clean
its a very simple set of rules

>>4013927
i second that

>>4006361
You should write a book. I just sat here for like 5 minutes straight laughing hard at this post and >>4006369
that one.

I love you, /ck/

>>4014370

Apparently in your opinion nobody ever makes a mistake and everything is always someone else's fault?

The point is that if microwave boy had been careful then he could have avoided his injury despite his inept boss.

It's no different than driving a car: when you come to an intersection do you drive straight through it hoping the other drivers are all obeying the law, or do you look both ways first?

Nobody said it was microwave boy's fault that he got burned...but he sure could have prevented it by being careful.

>Be around 14
>Cooking bacon
>Turn the dial up to medium heat
>Notice that after 5 minutes I was getting barely any heat, I blamed this on the shitty electric oven we had
>Put it on extra high
>Wait some more
>Moments later realize that I may have moved the wrong dial
>In a split second I touch the stove to see if I had turned on the wrong ring
>...
>Wait...

An that my friends is how I got 2nd degree burns across the palm of my hand.
Did I mention that I've done this twice?
In a way the other time was worse, my mom had both rings on and I leaned forward placing both hands on the rings.

Oddly enough i work in a kitchen now, but at least I have palms of steel.

>>4014370

wait a sec
you've got a guy telling people to be careful around ovens.......and you're saying that this person should be locked up for telling others to be careful....

you americlaps are fucked

>>4011297

>2012
>not pulling pans (or at least fuck garlic bread) oot with yer bear hands

Bitch-made.

>>4014494
So instead of just hovering your hand above the stove you touched it?
I don't even know what goes through people's heads when they do something like that.

>>4014532
Stupidity, I wasn't the brightest kid.

>>4014450
>but he sure could have prevented it by being careful.
welcome to this whole fucking thread, you idiot

>not being a morning person
>alarm clock disturbs my slumber
>shamble to kitchen
>turn on coffeemaker
>turn on stove
>place pan on stove plate in preparation for bacon
>is it hot yet?
>check by placing hand directly in pan
>didn't need that coffee to wake up after all

>chopping in the kitchen
>little sister screams randomly
>i turn while holding knife
>cut across nose
I felt so bad and got into so much shit. There's still a faint scar but she thinks it looks cool.

>>4006178
ohyou.jpg
i worked all day today so it's in a bun, not lookin' too hot. don't have any anon pictures, i don't think. but thanks:3

not really gruesome, but while working the fryer at my college job i had some oil splash back on my stomach, had a silver-dollar sized burn that blistered and popped and took weeks to heal properly, still got the scar, but it's fading.

>work at hospital kitchen that is a 24 hour room service deal
>come in after dinner rush one day
>flat top grill is fucking disgusting since no one cleaned it all day
>pissed off start cleaning it with flat top chemical
>scrubbing it clean and I push hard against the corner with pad
>hot chemical splits all over my arm
>wait a few seconds staring at it then rush to sink to get it off
its healed nice so far I got a good burn cream from our employee pharmacy so that helped

>>4015020
I guess it was a kid and she didn't know better, but people really should be careful while other people are cutting. I used to work for Subway and right as I'm putting the knife on the roll to cut it, the customer YELLS really loud, making me jump.

I calmly put the knife down and said "If you didn't want your sandwich cut, you can politely ask me, NOT scream at me. I almost cut my finger off."

People are fucking stupid, enough said.

Not cooking, but eating.

>Make toasted sandwich
>Haven't eaten all day, hungry as fuck
>CHOMP
>Explosion of molten cheese in my mouth
>Swallow
>Horrible burning all the way down to my stomach
>Drinking water only makes it worse
It felt like I swallowed sandpaper for the next couple of weeks.

>>4005792
We're here reading stories about legitimate burns, like 3rd degree. Or chopping off a piece of you. You're attention whoring with your puny little burn. And no one's calling you out on it. I'll go ahead and do that then. Attention whore. Please go.

For your health!

i almost didnt make it

>Be drunk
>Making curry
>Grating apple
>Grate also hands


I didn't remember eating it that night, and when I woke up after passing out for a couple hours, I couldn't go back to sleep because I was stressing over whether or not I did it right and if it tastes good or if I just wasted a bunch of ingredients.

>Making salsa
>Chopping the peppers last
>A sneeze rears its ugly head, like the horse of one of the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse
>Hold it back with a will like the levies of Louisiana
>Hurricane sneeze about to blow
>Too little time to turn or get a napkin, so my hands shoot to cover my face and prevent my salsa from being tainted
>Pepper-covered fingers, like hot spikes from hell, stretch out to my eyes involuntarily
>Rinse out eyes unsucessfully.
>Practically blinded for some hours because it hurt to just open them

>>4005498
the thumbnail looks like a spanish galleon. pretty cool.

>>4005616
Are you me? I sliced the tip of my right index finger off with one of these while I was slicing a cucumber.

>the doctors face when I told him what happened and he had to put it into the work accident report

I wasn't cooking but my dad was. I was only 6 during this story.

>Dad is cooking some shit on the pan, chicken I think
>Walk up and rest my hand on the stove top
>Finger is touching the hot ass fucking pan
>Burns down to my bone
>Didn't even notice until my dad told me to get my hands the fuck off the pan

I didn't even feel anything til it was to late, I had to get 4 stitches and it bandaged up. Guess I was fucking retarded back then.

>one of those energy-wasters explodes on my roommate.
>nobody is injured but his clothes and the entire kitchen is covered in coffee speckles.
> Everything, even the surfaces that faced away from the explosion
he spent 2 hours cleaning everything and since then im afraid of those things

This one happened before I even started cooking. Didn't even make it to the damn stove.

>about to make dinner for my parents while they're visiting me in my new house
>wash hands, don't bother to properly dry them
>turn on stove to get it heated up
>grab skillet (a large one, heavy)
>while walking toward the stove the skillet slips out of my hand
>the edge of it lands directly in the middle of my big toe (barefooted)
>it felt like the corner of a brick or some shit
>it was so sudden and intense that I felt like I was about to black out
>stumble, hand lands on the heated stove
>GOD FUCKING DAMN IT

My mom of course made me go to the hospital. My toe was broken and the nail had to be removed. 8 months later and it's still not done growing back. Lesson learned, don't cook with slippery hands and wear fucking shoes.

>>4015302
Chew your food, what the fuck is wrong with you?

>>4013290

>shit cunt
i thought i was the only one to use that phrase

>>4016763

lel.

>>4014532

i feel ya man

happened to a friend

>about to iron clothes
>not sure if iron is hot yet
>holds against cheek to find out
>gnarly fucking burn on the whole side of her face

i... what?

some people are so stupid it hurts

i had some cornbread in a cast iron skillet i had just pulled out of the oven and put on the stovetop, handle out, and reached up into the cabinet above the stove, and the handle of the skillet (450 degrees) pushed into my stomach and caused a really nasty 2nd degree burn, i'll have a cool scar there for my whole life. shit it hurt though, lots of swears were said.