/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>20493406
Throw chicken away
Rape white woman
Get a mcchicken

>>20493406
Roast it normally. Then tie her up and fuck her in the position of the bird.

>>20493406
Dry inside and outside
Salt and pepper inside outside
Truss
In a 400 degree oven until thigh reaches 165.

They're easy to impress.

Spatchcock, cayenne pepper, salt, garlic powder, score the skin, then brush with oil and shallow fry until the legs are at 180.

>>20493406
Small slices in the breast skin, fresh rosemary, salt and crushed garlic spread under skin with tablespoon of softened butter. Skin brushed with melted butter near end of cooking.

Cooking a chicken won't make your mom love you, OP.

>>20493406
caramelize carrots and onions in pan with bacon, split whole chicken in half, place in wide pan with carmelized carrots and onions, add powdered garlic, black pepper and/or rosemary.

>>20493406
I am a woman and do have a chicken
>>20493417
I would like to do this while it is cooking

>>20493406
My rub:
>1 tsp olive oil
>1 tsp. kosher salt
>1/4 tsp sugar
>1/4 tsp freshly ground black pepper
>1/4 tsp sweet paprika
>1/2 tsp ground mustard
>1/2 tsp garlic powder
>1/2 tsp cumin
>1 rosemary sprig
>1 - 2 Thyme sprigs
>Bay leaf
>MSG, as you like it. (optional)
Boil 3 cups water and pour over chicken to create a crispier skin. Dry it with paper towels off once it's cool. Drizzle the olive oil over the chicken and rub with spice mixture. Insert the thyme and rosemary into bird cavity. Let set for 45 mins - 1 hr.
Preheat oven to 275 F and bake for 3.5 - 5 hours, or until internal temp reaches 165 F. I check mine after 2 hours, trying to get it to 150 so I can turn the heat down to 200 and let it cook slower for the duration.

i don’t know about you faggots but i only fuck white women. and they only want one part of the chicken. you carve out the breast meat, throw the rest of the chicken away. then grill them for about 15 minutes with very lightly seasoned salt and pepper. cut into strips and put on a salad. literally just buy a pre made bag of caesar. only use half the dressing

if you can’t bust a nut with this recipe you’re gay

Spatchcock, season with something that'll give a good crust, doesn't matter. Cook over an open wood fire. Serve half bird with a salad. Bitches love salad.

>>20493536
When I get back I'll drop my kale salad recipe.

>>20493406
rinse with water
pat dry
spatchcock
salt and let sit overnight in fridge
mix butter sage salt pepper and rub under the skin.
broil in oven
make mashed potatoes and chicken gravy from drippings.
get laid.

That's actually the first thing I cooked the missus. Vadas csirke (chicken in carrot gravy). I was either gonna do that or roast it but I figured she'd never had carrot gravy before and I wanted to do something entirely different.

When I do roast chicken, she likes it when I prepare it as follows:
Powder some dried rosemary, peppercorns and chili flake and mix with pasted garlic, my own dried lemon zest and chicken salt. Combine that all with a little bit of mayonnaise and rub the chicken with it all over and under the skin. The chicken is spatchcocked, by the way.
The back and wing tips go into the pressure cooker with a little bit of water to make a quick stock then the chicken goes into the oven.
Reduce the stock with white wine, this into the roasting pan to deglaze, strain and reduce further, if necessary. Spritz of lemon and serve chicken and its wine jus with vegetable pilaf and sauteed spinach.

>>20493543
Literal premixed bag salad with some tricolor tortilla strips impress women. I zero effort salad.

>>20493406
Fuck chicken instead

>>20493419
THIS.
I used Beau Monde too, but I impressed at least 4 GFs with this over the years.
They really liked having the choice of ANYTHING on a whole roasted bird.
Second time you can Impress them is while cooking WITH them, and quickly breaking the whole bird down.

>>20493497
This guy FUCKS

>>20493547
Motherfucker said RINSE, I'm sorry... do you like contaminating your Goddamn Sink and parts of your kitchen? Here's a pro tip from a Pro, DONT RINSE, just pat dry and continue. The "blood" doesn't matter like you think it does, since it'll burn off (hence patting dry). FDA backs me up, so do other actual experts.

>>20493517
White women can be taught to appreciate thigh meat and dressings other than ranch. Just takes some time. Some basic chicken fajitas made with thigh meat is a good starting point. Just don't tell them until after they've ate.

>>20493708
NGMI

>>20493467
You will never have a chicken

>>20493729
LOLOLOLOLOL!!
HHHAAAAAAAA!!
FUNNY...no really..

>>20493726
If dating a woman for an extended period I'm not dealing with the female equivalent of chicken tendies and hot sauce forever. I'm just correcting what their father wasn't man enough to do in the first place.

>>20493702
you have no idea what you are talking about. it does not contaminate anything. go be stupid somewhere else. I know what works and what is bullshit, and not rinsing chicken or pork is bullshit.

MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS.

>>20493406
>rub rosemary compound butter under skin
>dry brine in a mixture of salt and MSG
>season with paprika and freshly ground pepper
>pan fry to cook the dark meat
>put in oven at 400F
>take out when breast meat reaches 145F
>let chicken rest and carry over to 150-155F in the breast
>prepare gravy for the mashed potatoes
>carve
>serve without letting woman know that the white meat isn't cooked well done
Last part is critical, people get angry when they find out that their chicken isn't cooked to the point of being inedible. In fact, the juiciness might even be a turn off for her, but a woman like that isn't worth impressing.

>>20493406
mix softened butter with cajun seasoning
brush over bird
stick a lemon up its ass
roast in the oven
take the meat off
kick the woman out and get my stockpot on
not gonna let that carcass go to waste

>>20493543
>kale salad recipe:

>1 Medium size head of kale
>1 tbsp. chopped cilantro
>1 tbsp. lime juice
>1 ripe avocado, diced
>1 roma tomato, diced
>1/4 cup red onion, finely chopped
>1 tsp. olive or sunflower oil
>1 tsp. balsamic vinegar (can substitute rice vinegar, white or red wine vinegar)
>Kosher salt
>Cracked black pepper

Wash, remove stems from kale and chop leaves. In a medium bowl, combine kale, onion, tomato & cilantro. Add vinegar & oil and mix well. Add avocado in batches, stirring the mixture to lightly coat all the kale leaves. Season with salt & pepper.
Optionally, add sunflower seeds, walnuts, fresh or dried berries, etc. I like to add hemp seeds.

>>20493406
Remove wings and freeze until enough are collected to fry a meal.
Salt it and cook it covered in a pot at 425F for around an hour then uncover it and check every 15 minutes until it is desired level of brown.
If you wanted to you could split it in half and put it on a baking sheet to brown for the last part.
Filter grease into jar and freeze to dump down sink the next time you are moving.

I eat the drumsticks first to dispose of the bones.
Thighs next.
Breast gets used for fajitas, nachos and fried rice.

>>20493497
>6.5 hours
You fucking wot mate?

heston blumenthal has a pretty good recipe

He cooks the (brined) chicken at low temp, like 60-90c for several hours with a temp meter. Let it cool, Then either sears the skin on a pan with neutral oil, or smear butter on it and cook it in high heat oven, or air fryer until golden.

The result is unlike any usual high heat 180 oven until internal temp is 80c+ chicken you'd eat made by your parents or school lunch ladies. Its very tender and juicy.

>>20493406
>Pat entire chicken dry
>Break into 9 cut
>Toss in Olive Oil
>Season liberally with salt, pepper, garlic powder, smoked paprika
>Place pieces skin side up on a wire rack over top of a rimmed baking sheet
>Roast at 425F until cooked through and skin crispy and chicken at 165 internally.
>Remove from oven, make a quick gravy using the juices that collected in the baking sheet.
>Slice the breasts into pieces and fan on the plate(warmed), taking care not to ruin the aesthetics of the skin
>Place a shaped cup of rice(probably do a very simple pilaf) in the center of the plate
>Garnish with parsley sprig on top
>Lean one drum one thigh on the rice
>Finish with a fan of honey dill glazed carrot medallions opposite the breast
>Chocolate & Brandy Bread Pudding for dessert

>>20493417
Instructions unclear, put the wrong bird in the oven and fucked the other one.

>>20494102
Based
Craisins work well with this too
(This is practically my goto gorge salad--but if I'm alone, I might throw rice crackers or croutons in too, along with some double sliced hard boiled egg)

>>20494149
well...
>275°F
Still.

>>20494067
>Last part is critical, people get angry when they find out that their chicken isn't cooked to the point of being inedible. In fact, the juiciness might even be a turn off for her, but a woman like that isn't worth impressing.

This was my gf. I managed to get her to stop complaining about this shit by roasting chicken with a meat thermometer a few times and showing her at safe temperatures it was still juicy and not well done for her to finally come around.

>>20494276
>put the wrong bird in the oven
Hope she wasn't jewish or you'll have a lot of explaining to do...

>>20493406
Poulet sauté chasseur:
Cut up the chicken in breasts and legs
Sauté in clarified butter
Take it out and sauté finely diced shallots and quarted/sliced champigons
Deglace with white wine and reduce it
Add demi glace and the chicken back in
Before serving add a little bit of cognac and chopped parsley, chervil and tarragon

>>20494067
>>20494781
I just prefer a slightly drier chicken breast
I don’t like it all slimey or too juicy
>t. Woman

>>20495207
How can meat be too juicy?

>>20495204
>add a little bit of cognac
Very classy.
Would a cheap VSOP like say, a Paul Masson be acceptable?
You can get a pint for ~$4.
*The chevril and Tarragon would be fresh, of course.

If I was me, I would brine overnight in fish sauce, sugar, salt, turmeric, and a crush star anise. Then spatchcock and cook until done

>>20495219
If there’s too much juice and the texture is more soggy than firm

>>20495231
I would use real cognac or at least armagnac.

>>20495335
fair...okay.
Just wondering for the guys who haven't any around.
Sometimes the cheaper stuff is excellent in cooking.
Sometimes, you can TELL.
Ty for your response.

>>20495343
The cheap stuff is usually much less fragrance and flavourfull. Cognac is more floral than cheap brandies.