/ck/ - Food & Cooking

punch him in the face next time

>>20393216
you forgot to mention how gallantly they defend ones virginity

>>20393219
this is a food board not a blog board

>>20393220
and it's certainly not a bea'd boa'd

>>20393223
im talking about eating and you're talking about your life
fuck you

>>20393216
Just shave? I hate shaving but I hate having a beard more. It's like one of the clean your room shits that petersen talks about. If you have an unruly beard you probably have a dirty room.

>>20393234

>>20393216
Shave it. I unironically grew a mustache just for fun recently (I've been a clean shaven Chad my entire life) and I kept getting crusty greasy shit all over it.

Beards are for faggots and are only acceptable for religious purposes.

>>20393238
sometimes I get a little sad that I can't grow a beard but then I remember I have an aesthetic jawline so I don't need one. Would hate to have to be somebody who NEEDS a beard to be attractive

>>20393231
you're talking about how gross it is to have a beard. even Gallic barbarians kept themselves presentable

>>20393238
Amazing how without the beard he looks even more like a pedophile that he is.

>>20393238
Lol. Wtf.

>>20393234
Who is Peterson? What the fuck are you talking about?

I have no beard and I get food and sauces all over my face, lips and chin. Your beard is disgusting.

>>20393252
>I get food and sauces all over my face, lips and chin
why are you bragging about this?

>>20393257
I'm not. It just happens. I can't imagine how dirty a beard is.

>>20393259
yeah I bet you can't imagine having morning wood either

>>20393257
>he never bit into a good eggplant parma sub before

>>20393245
what does your picture of a gay prostitute have to do with anything

>>20393216
I have a full beard I have literally never gotten food stuck in it. It might get stuck in the moustache (especially with drinks) but that can easily be cleaned with the quick wipe of a tissue.

>>20393266
>I have literally never gotten food stuck in it except for when I do
fuck you

>>20393272
The moustache is not part of the beard, thoughbeit. And even then, won't even really get "stuck" since it's incredibly simple to clean.

>>20393288
>A full beard consists of hair on the upper and lower lip, the chin, the cheeks, and the sideburns, without any natural or shaven gap.
ahem
fuck you

Beards are just fucking disgusting and more often than not contain fecal bacteria.

>>20393295
My coworker is the only one in the company who could grow a truly amazing full beard but he is always clean shaven because of this specific study.
Honestly? kinda based

>>20393295
so is your toothbrush my man

>>20393295
hmmmm

>>20393308
>item in the bathroom has bathroom bacteria
SAY IT AIN'T SOOOOUHHOOHHHH

>>20393313
yep, better stop brushing your teeth right

>>20393318
by that logic everybody should grow a beard because turd matter = good

>>20393264
it's an ancient sculpture of a literal barbarian anon. sort yourself out, stinkyface.

>god gives me a pretty shit jawline
>but i can grow a full thick beard
>but i have seborrheic dermatitis that gets worse if my beard gets long
he must be cackling up there

>>20393321
that is such an unbelievably retarded response to what I said

>>20393327
>huh I want to limit turd matter in my life
>guess I'll shave my beard since it's not necessary
>WELL YOU SHOULD ALSO GIVE UP EVERYTHING THAT IS NECESSARY LIKE BRUSHING YOUR TEETH TOO!!
no, I think you just lack logical skills

>>20393330
at least i don't eat turds

>>20393333
I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast

>>20393295
ive stuck my tongue into too many assholes to even remotely care about this

>>20393330
shave your head too, make yourself head to toe a squeaky hairless little dweeb in fear of microscoping particles that no one can detect or be negatively influenced by in any way, surgically attach a colostomy bag to your rectum, this will keep you from being a shit covered monster and women will finally want to sleep with you

>The origin of the story appears to be this segment from a TV news network in New Mexico, which involved a reporter swabbing a “handful” of men’s beards and then sending the swabs to a microbiologist in a lab to culture any microbes present.
>The reporter then interviewed the microbiologist, John Golobic, who identified a few of the bacteria present as “enterics”, that is they are bacteria that normally live in the intestines.
>“Those are the types of things you’d find in faeces,” he said.
>And that’s all. Somehow, from this story other media organisations have managed to get poo in beards.
>While it is true that human faeces are partially composed of gut bacteria, it’s not accurate to describe those bacteria on their own as faeces.
>Further, even if this was a properly conducted scientific study with a large number of samples and published in a reputable journal, there wouldn’t necessarily be any cause for concern.
>Human skin is home to great diversity of microbes, and it’s not unheard of for types of bacteria normally found in the gut, such as E. coli, to be also found on the skin.
>Another study in the Journal of Hospital Infection examined how facial hair affects the prevalence of potential pathogens such as Staphylococcus aureus (golden staph).
>It found that having a beard actually reduced the likelihood of antibiotic-resistant bacteria and S. aureus being present on the skin. It also found that hospital workers with beards shed more bacteria than those without beards, supporting the earlier study mentioned.
>However, the unbearded workers still shed enough bacteria to emphasise the importance of everyone wearing face coverings for sterile procedures, regardless of your facial hair situation.
>So in summary: there is more crap in these stories about poo in beards than there is in beards. So chaps, you can all relax.

>>20393266
So disgusting.

>>20393339
true, I finally got laid by never shaving, or showering. that's what women love, a guy who has no facial hygiene whatsoever

>>20393334
Based shooter

>>20393355
if only it were possible to simultaneously have a beard and practice hygiene, oh well, I guess the science just isnt there yet

>>20393216
If I'm eating alone at home I've had many times where I just give up wiping my mouth mid meal and wash my beard afterward in the bathroom. You really need to have good beard genetics and a lacking jawline to make having a long beard worth it. You also need to maintain/shape it but that's not too bad.

>>20393361
>simultaneously have a beard and practice hygiene
unfortunately everyone with beards either oils it (which is gross to women) or has dogshit hygiene in general. beards are just not really cool in anyway whatsoever unless you are like 14 and think it's manly

>>20393367
>>20393367
No 14y.o has a beard

>>20393367
>uhhh actually beards make you less masculine
>uhh but also having a beard means you dont know how to use shampoo
nice cope chang

>>20393384
didnt read the rest of your guys convo but i had a full beard at 14 swear on me mum

>>20393385
Stfu Timmy. Your beard has fecal matter in it

I had a beard when I was 10

>a person who pretends to have a romantic or sexual relationship with someone else in order to conceal the other's true sexual orientation: the closeted male and his female “beard”.

>>20393394
and yet I am still preferred by women over an angry little barefaced twink, go figure

>>20393392
Ok Willy.

>>20393384
>>20393402
My point isn't that 14 year olds have beards, it's that only a 14 year old mentality idolizes beards, even down to accusing anyone who doesn't of being a virgin

>>20393216
Beards are sexy and manly
Only fags and dumb bitches dislike a bearded male

I have a full beard and rando women ask me if they can touch it
At least they ask, Marines just get in there

>>20393415
turns out the majority of women prefer clean shaven, but that doesn't invalidate your statement, necessarily

>>20393410
Yeah. No. Lol.

>>20393425
Very mature and inciteful comment

>>20393426
go eat some more poop

>>20393426
fuck meant to type insightful, too much alcohol in my beard

>>20393423
Gross. You're spreading diseases.

>>20393423
>touches your beard
>20mins later: why does my hand smell like a litter box

>>20393415
>fags
>disliking beards
thanks anon, I needed a laff

Don't eat like a slob. Worst that happens to me is I get a little soup or sauce or whathaveyou in my moustache but never in my beard. I can't even imagine how one would have to eat/drink to get liquids dribbling down his beard. Crumbs I can understand. They're unpredictable sumbitches. But anything else? You eat like a slob

>>20393428
>T. Beard, BBQ, mollases and whiskey is my personality.

>>20393442
you've serious never eaten a sandwich or burger that the restaurant made a little to greasy and squirts on your face like a pornstar pretending to have an orgasm?

>>20393447
i don't watch porn

>>20393450
then ignore the bonus funny joke and answer the question

>>20393431
The women usually ask to see how much weight they can put on it, too
Marines just like to twirl it, run their fingers through it
That's not even a joke it's a reality that full-beard havers have to live with, it's weird, it's like it becomes this communal thing
Also everyone wants to know how many years it takes to grow out and they never believe me when I say nine
>years?
>no months, about nine months to get down to here, the last couple of inches maybe a year
Why the fuck does anyone think guys grow full beards? We're tired of shaving or trimming constantly, like 3x daily to stay clean-shaven
I burned out my last beard trimmer, replaced it with a commercial dog clipper, but I hardly use it anyway

>>20393450
T. Makes gay porn with bearded men in his basement.

>>20393453
>We're tired of shaving or trimming constantly
So you admit you're lazy. So you have a beard. Omg.

>>20393453
>nine
Holy fuck. My hair is dirty after 3days. Your beard...the next pandemic

>>20393459
My face broke a machine, that was God telling me to rock a full beard
>>20393466
I shower at least once daily, twice in the summers, you still have to do maintenance
Bonus the bottom half of my face no longer gets sunburned

>>20393450
Don't answer for me.
>>20393447
Not to that extent, no. I suppose I'm strange. The missus has a best friend who is actually amazed at me eating things like saucy ribs or buffalo wings and not getting shit all over myself. I just always put it to that she's a barbarian surrounded by barbarians and never encountered people who can eat a meal without using 37 napkins during the process. I like her and her husband but i detest watching either of them eat. My six year old is less messy.

>>20393471
9 years. You have no idea how much food splashes on your face anymore cause it's been a long time. Even coffee drips.

>>20393483
you sound like a frufrulala homoman

>>20393248
Come on bro how do you not know about Lobster man

>>20393484
I said 9 months, chinlet
Jesus just use cutlery you won't get your face dirty
I use straws and have a gilded age gold luster mustache mug

>>20393483
>and not getting shit all over myself
You are.

>>20393499
This guy?

>>20393424
That's because the majority of women are dumb bitches lol
>>20393436
I mean fag in the non homosexual way

>>20393508
Someone should make Jordan a lobster themed suit

>>20393471
>you still have to do maintenance
lol
Wife accused me of taking long showers on Sundays to avoid services (I don't always go) but I explained that Sunday is my day to bathe properly. The rest of the week, I do what I call maintenance showers or Carlin showers, which I named after George Carlin's gag about not needing to shower everyday so long as you wash the four key areas (armpits, asshole, crotch and teeth; you can save time if you use the same brush for each). But Sundays, I give myself a proper scrub down.
She said I was disgusting. I see if as hey, I don't stink, no one's the wiser and I still wash with soap and hot water so what's the big deal?

>>20393507
He technically isn't it gets in his beard but doesn't touch his actual skin so he thinks he isn't

>>20393507
Yeah, but I have to pay extra for the service. I'm talking about at barbecues and shit.
>>20393529
I wash my face often tho.

>>20393505
Even a fork, when you bring food to your mouth can drip. How do you drink soup? And when you eat your Sunday froot loops with milk while you watch your Sunday funnies?

>>20393538
You hold your beard back while you eat
If somehow this fucks up just wash up in the bathroom sink, it's OK to excuse yourself but after a while you get used to it
I don't drink soup and I specifically use dessert forks and spoons because they're smaller
Also the bacterial cultures that do form actually make you safer and prevent the transmissions of certain illnesses including some respiratory kinds
We evolved to have beards for a lot of reasons, even asians have some facial hair, the only people who didn't are basically all indians (feather not dot)

>>20393564
Idk. Girls spend lots of time on their hair. So your beard is probably like that too.

>>20393334
FUCKING SHIT
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vHRsg9l3VTQ

>>20393216

>>20393339
sanitize the world

>>20393626
Damn, that one's exquisite

The only time you actually need to shave is for a drivers liscence photo or a job interview.

>>20393639
A giant cleanse, not the city, the population...

>>20393343
In other news, scientific reporting by media outlets is garbage, more news tonight at 10.

>>20393238
Someone post that oldtimey russian propaganda pic where a guy hides his weak jawline with a beard

>>20393453
>We're tired of shaving or trimming constantly
>Still have to trim my moustache and shave my werewolf cheeks
There's literally no escape.

>>20393238
Congrats on her transition

>>20393219
They don't, THOUGH

>>20393614
That sounds like shooter mcgabber

>>20393384
my buddy Dennis had a full on beard at 14 and he looked like he was 24

>>20394900
my buddy Frank had a full beard when he was thirteen and he looked 25

>>20394900
>>20394917
no they didn't

>>20394924
my buddy Sandre had a full beard when he was 12, dude loked 26

>>20393216
I have a full beard and it only really catches food when I let it grow too much. Like weeks of no shaving

>>20394927
the local priest must have haaated him

>>20393384
I had a goatee at 14 and a full beard by senior year of highschool

>>20393252
are you literally retarded or just got unusable hands?

>>20393308
I keep my toothbrush covered

>>20393335
kys

>>20394948
my pal carthur had a goatee at 13 and a full beard by sophmore year of highschool

>>20394958
>>20394927
what are these names

>>20394960
i am from benin

>>20394956
now how would i stick my tongue into a further many assholes if i did that

>>20393295
>>20393309
i am so tired of these media hoaxes

>>20393415

Beards CAN be sexy and manly but they have to be groomed and maintained. None of that wispy, patchy BS that some people have

>>20395003
>tipping_fedora.gif

>>20393216
Stop being a messy eater and this won't happen.

>>20393216

i have a bigass beard and it manages to stay clean, sounds like youre just a fucking slob

>>20395175
I think you should maybe taste your beard from time to time. It won't taste like soap and kittens, it'll taste like last Wednesday's beef stew, and probably a little poop.

>>20395196
kittens smell gross

>>20395196
mine tastes like cunt

>>20395196
mine tastes of your moms pussy. cause i ate it. last night.
i fucked your mom.

>>20393216
You just get food for later.
>it's yet another culture war thread about how beards (masculine facial hair) is suddenly bad due to a combination of strictly 20th century and beyond businessman propaganda and some modern e-grifter nonsense

>>20393216
I've spent almost a decade of my life with a full beard now. Neither of those are real problems.
The tip of your mustache will wet if you drink quick and deep from an open cup, maybe, but a simple flick of the tongue and drag of the bottom lips resolves all of that.
The only thing you should catch crumbs from are sandviches, stuff that would have fallen onto the plate, your lap, or the floor otherwise. The type of stuff that would rest on top and be easily picked up, only worked into your beard if you work them in like a retard.
Wet eggs in a sandvich though. The yolk will get into your mustache and the soul patch. Can't do shit about that one. Gotta wash it out with some water.

>>20394924
>>20394924
It's real. Maybe it doesn't happen in the current era of zoomers and gen alpha, after all the microplastics, birth control estrogen in the water, etc. Maybe you zoom zooms and alphags are too test-deficient to grow a beard. Mine grew in right around that 13-14 age. Minus a few times at a shitty office job where I went clean-shaven, I've kept it for the 20 years since that time.

>>20393234
>Juden Petersein

>>20393216
that's why it's called the flavor saver
if you don't like it shave it

>>20393301
>STUDIES SHOW-

>>20395402
>Mine grew in right around that 13-14 age.
Same and I was just talking about it at an eclipse party the missus and I went to thrown by a pair of lesbians. One of them and I started talking because we're both hapas (well, I'm only a quarterchino) and she brought up about how she was going to clubs and getting into shows as young as 14 because the world is easy when you're a cute mixed girl and I mentioned that I've been at least 5'11 since around that age and was able to grow a full beard by then, too, so I was getting into bars and buying alcohol with few problems from 14 or so, so long as I didn't shave the fucker, which I hated doing anyway.
It's weird. I looked old for my age as a teenager and look young for my age in my thirties.

I'm pretty much stuck with it, unfortunately. The older I get, the more fucked up my face looks like without a beard. I look like Richard Nixon now that I'm old. It's not bad, I just didn't expect it. I'd prefer to cover up my face with a thick beard. I dunno how to take a compliment. I'd rather not

>>20393295
t.retards that dont put shampoo and conditioner through their beard daily

>>20396077
Men just put a BLADE to their face each morning

>>20393216
beards are for soys now

People who had full beards in high school were always gross to me.

>>20393334
you eat pieces of shit for breakfast?

>>20396103
Can we see those studies?

beardlets are pathetic just shave it you are all delusional

>>20393219
not accurate, unless it's shitty

>>20393451
>funny
I'd rather have a shit-beard than a coom-brain

>>20396348
or you could have neither, but you just can't resist

>>20396348
>>20396349
can't I do both?

>>20396103
>study claims whatever conveniently supports my personal beliefs

>>20396103
for the record i have massive balls and it makes my dick look tiny

>>20393216
My little sister giggles when I kiss her when she leaves for school because my beard tickles, it's the main reason why I keep it. I don't know why her vulva is so ticklish.

>>20395003
>Beards CAN be sexy
and dirty.

>>20393384
I had a full beard at 11, i shaved for the school's orientation day and within a month of classes people thought i was a grown man posing as a high-schooler

>>20393295
People with beards think you have to have facial hair otherwise you're not a man, but they also are lazy and can't be bothered to shave, or keep their room / living space clean, and are disgusting stinking slobs and make everything gross. So, by extension, they also don't wipe after peeing and they probably do a poor job at wiping their ass cracks after taking a shit too, and ultimately after peeing, they think they don't need to wash their hands.

Being clean shaven / shaving off your beard is anti-semitic. Think about it.

>>20393216
SHAVE IT!
SHAVE IT! SHAVE IT! SHAVE IT!

>>20397361
Yea okay Jump Street

>>20396416
>study claims whatever conveniently supports my personal beliefs
Nonsense. Next you'll claim that studies are written to support the author's or funder's political or financial agenda, that most studies aren't replicable or that exactly those studies get quoted 153 times more!

>>20393322
>literal barbarian
Gauls were known to have male lovers mate, fuck off with your "barbarian = tough" larp.

>>20397871
gauls are beautiful and so are celts. römans are little chubby brown ewoks.

>>20397874
>gauls are beautiful
So that anon was right calling him a "male prostitute".
>the jobber of Alesia
Lol, lmao even.

>>20397543
That pic is fucking grim.

>>20397878
don't be glib anon. nobody likes that.

>>20395439
>STUDIES SHOW YOUR COWORKER IS BASED
yeah?

>>20397415
>People with beards think you have to have facial hair otherwise you're not a man
Not even remotely true lmao
What sort of complete shut in could believe such a ridiculous claim never mind actually say it?
I at first had a beard cuz my dad's a dick, never taught me how to shave properly and I was afraid if cutting myself. I'm >>20395450
Then, when I figured it out and found I hated shaving, it was laziness. Then I got lupus and developed rashes and some scarring under my beard so now, it covers them up.
I couldn't give a halfpenny fuck if someone else has a beard or not and I strongly doubt anyone really puts that much thought into it either. Anyone but you, anyway.

>>20393216
shave and accept your lizard neck/invisible jaw/inwards chin

that's why i keep a close-trimmed short beard if i want to grow one or take a break from shaving. can't stand getting food caught in the stache

>>20393216
uh... shave?

>>20398225
uh... shut up?

>>20398131
Hey I don't have any of those! I do have male pattern baldness though so that's why I compensate

>>20393216
Literally not my problem, my wife cleans the crumbs and drinks are a non issue as I only drink water which goes down it
>verification not required

Not /ck/ related, but just trim the moustache so that it doesn't go into your mouth when eating.

>>20393219
>t. unable to grow a beard

>>20393216
just dont be white?

>>20397493
21 jump street was about adults that looked like kids
It wouldn't work otherwise
Man remember when Johnny Depp was a serious actor?

>>20393397
Same kind of. Then I dumped her since I thought it would make me look cool to my boycrush.

>>20393216
>>20393295
Wash your face, and try not to spill food over yourself

Do other people with beards really not take a wet paper towel to their face after eating? I get acne if I don't do that.

>>20400162
how do you get so much shit on your face bro

>>20399888
>Johnny Depp
My wife and I were talking about that the other day. How does he go from Gilbert Grape to wearing guyliner and a silly wig?
Then she brought up One Hour Photo, which I've never seen but know stars Robin Williams in a creepy role so I brought up Insomnia, which also had Williams in a creepy role so we're gonna watch both this week.

the moustache can be a problem if I don't keep it properly-trimmed/groomed but I've never has any other kind of problem. maybe stop being a slob?

>>20393238
reddit dad to fat twink

>>20400436
There's something dark inside of all great comedians, and they use that pain to deliver serious roles like none other
I say watch One Hour Photo first because it's fucked up, use Insomnia as a mental palate cleanser

>>20393217
Kek

>>20393216
I have a cloth and I wash face as needed. Or I waste a few paper towels

Here's my beard. It's a pain to keep clean while eating, the long moustache often gets caught in my teeth when eating large sandwiches, and keeping every hair in place can get more than a bit tedious, but I like it. Every man should grow a beard once in their life.

>>20402030
Disgusting. At least trim it down to stubble or a light beard.

>>20393216
wash it properly with water and soap after eating? idiot

>>20393423
I grew it recently out of nostalgia or something but didn't get any reactions