/ck/ - Food & Cooking

for what purpose

>>19080367
Alcohol?

>>19080367
Fish up a fugu and test your knife skills.

>>19080367
Tell them you got ambien from a friend and ended up sleep eating literal garbage

>>19080367
There are lots of poisonous berries around your town that you could eat. Poke berries, holly, yew, etc. Just look up poisonous berries in your region. But basically if you just eat random berries off a plant it'll usually be poisonous if it's not something you recognize. The only thing that's definitely always safe is anything that looks like a blackberry or raspberry.

Just eat a couple until you feel you've gotten a sufficient dose to get sick but not enough to die. People accidentally eat poisonous berries all the time. Just say you were watching TikToks about foraging and you wanted to give it a try. People will think you're absolutely retarded but nobody will ever suspect you did it on purpose, unless you have a history of acting out and injuring yourself for attention.

>>19080367
>>19080402
many forms of poisoning will result in you being fucked by the time the horrible symptoms start, for example if your liver is gone then it's gone, but you might not feel anything bad until it's too late, if you're doing something as retarded as this then please research what you're poisoning yourself with first

>>19080418
Anon said "look up poisonous berries in your region" so his advice is solid, if OP can't figure it out he doesn't deserve to miss his McDonald's job for a day.

>>19080378
Fucked up need an excuse

>>19080402
>>19080402
I don't want people to think I'm a moron

>>19080424
he also said to just eat random shit he can find, it needs to be said

>>19080431
i have some bad news for you

>>19080431
>Fucked up need an excuse
>I don't want people to think I'm a moron
Then don't make excuses, you are a moron if you think damaging your body to get out of a "fuck up" is worth it.

>>19080367
check out chuby emu's youtube channel and see who made a full recovery

>>19080431
Hmm, how about mixing ammonia and bleach and then using it to clean the toilet or something? This creates toxic mustard gas which is very dangerous. The gas fumes will chemically scald your lungs and throat and temporarily blind you. It will also make a rash on your skin. I have no idea how much it takes to just get injuries without it being actually dangerous but I'm sure you could feel it out. This method won't lead to people thinking you're a moron because it's more understandable if you didn't know about it.

>>19080426
Explain further faggot

>>19080367
Another idea: apple seeds and peach pits have cyanide in them. You can probably look up how much it takes to get a sublethal dose and eat it all at once then claim you had no idea.

Are you allergic to anything? Shellfish or peanuts? There could be traces of that in anything and you wouldn't know.

Another idea: How about getting stung or bitten by a poisonous bug, snake, frog, or any other animal that lives in your area. If you can find a wasp nest, go kick it, guaranteed serious injury but death is rare unless you're allergic to them. This one would be easy to claim as a blameless accident. You could also get yourself bitten by a wild animal such as a possum, raccoon, bat, or feral cat. In that case you'd need to go to the hospital to get the rabies shot, but you wouldn't even be hurt.

>>19080367
>buy frozen fish
>thaw overnight
>stick in freezer for a week
>thaw fish
>cook and eat fish
>???
>profit

>>19080486
are you retarded? once you freeze it again everything bad will be dead

>>19080492
idk, growing up my parents and grandparents always told me i would die if i thawed frozen fish and then froze it again.

>>19080498
I was actually baiting to get people to call me retarded and explain to me why I was wrong because I was told the same thing and I never understood why

>>19080498
>>19080518
They just didn't like how it turned the fish into mush.

>>19080492
Freezing it doesn't kill shit, it's meant to stop bacteria from reproducing. They'll still be there when you thaw.
In fact, while cooking can kill bacteria, it can't get rid of the toxins they leave behind. Once that ship has sailed it's already over

>>19080463
it's chlorine, not mustard gas

>>19080518
>>19080498
it just tends to go bad faster if you do that, it's not some magic trick to make it deadly

>>19080536
Guess someone must have frozen me then
Haha
Ha

>take a deep breath
>look into the mirror
>face yourself
>face your fuckup instead of running
you can do it. then you won't have to live with neurological damage from poisoning yourself.

>>19080367
why are you being such a retard, get some ipecac, puke everywhere violently, tell people you got food poisoning, simple as.
Why are you trying to go through all these extra steps of poisoning yourself and getting your stomach pumped just to cover up a 'fuck up.'
How would doing all of that be more effective than puking and getting a doctors note or, better yet, not puking at all and still getting a doctors note?
This is like 70 iq logic, do you actually have a severe case of down syndrome?

>>19080465
For everyone who is asking: my friend's dad has been inviting me over for dinner almost every day for the past week and I keep coming up with excuses for why I can't go (my friend drowned last month and his dad is lonely I think). I'm planning to accept his invitation but then fake food poisoning from his dinner, except I need it to be believable and real

>>19080700

>buy tuna sub from your local subway
>leave it in the fridge for a few days
>eat it
Don't do this. Food poisoning is not a joke. It can fuck you up for life.

>>19080700

>>19080367
fistfulls of hawthorn berries, make sure you eat the seeds.

>>19080700
What are you trying to achieve with this?? Whatever it is, it won't work. Especially once they pump your stomach and see that it's filled with an assortment of fucking poisonous berries

>>19080700
>friend
Obviously not, or else you'd be able to take time off from shitposting on 4chan and spend one evening of your life having dinner with his grieving father.
On another note, I head water is poisonous if you breath it in, you should try doing that for a few minutes.

binge on brazil nuts every day

>>19080700
it's ok, please tell him you're in mourning as well and are going to need time for yourself. I don't know if you poisoning yourself will be good for either you or him mentally, esp with what happened last month. it's ok to let him know your boundaries, he already assumes you're hurting too if you were his friend. good luck unironically bro.

>>19080748
I told you, I am planning to go to his dinner, but I need to make it seem like I got sick from it

>>19080700
Ok first of all you are a bad person but you don't care so: Do the berry thing but only tell the doctors the truth. Show your hospital bracelet to your friends dad and just say you had food poisoning, he's not going to grill you it you fucking weirdo. Then maybe consider just having dinner with the poor guy once? Christ, what do you have better to do?

>>19080766
you don't need to, go once then afterwards explain that the experience was too painful and you need some time for yourself. Yes you should go to his dinner once but you don't need to make the man think he fucking poisoned you. You also don't need to go to these crazy lengths to avoid him, just explain it makes you uncomfortable or the experience was too painful.

>>19080766
Oh I missed this. In that case simple food poisoning wont be enough to stop a grieving father from inviting you over again. Don't eat random berries, eat random mushrooms. You'll feel sicker, for a while, but he wont be invited over again.

>>19080766
You're a fucking psychopath, making a grieving father think he hurt you, his late son's friend.

>>19080766
Shoot yourself in the head at the dinner, they will never blame you for anything.

>>19080700
Op here that's not the actual story but I will allow it because I actually did something like this once

>>19080367
just do what I do and turn your phone off and leave it off for a few weeks. Whenever I turn it back on there are remarkably less people trying to make me do shit

>>19080700
Holy fucking shit kill yourself, dude.

>>19080700
Oh, you only want to get sick? Thought you wanted to kiss your sister. Fuck this lame agenda, I'm out.

You know instead of fucking your organs up or dying you can just say "I'm sick" and people accept it.

>>19080700
What a retard. You have a free dad available for you and you don't even want it. Even a sociopath would see the opportunity available here. At some point in your life you may need help from others, and things like this... hanging out with your dead friend's dad... it pays dividends. Also, it's just the right thing to do. What the fuck is wrong with you anyway? Are you just a pussy or something?

>>19080700
Just tell him you aren't going to come over for dinner because you don't want to get ass raped.
Or just tell him you aren't going to hang out with him and that your friend's death meant absolutely nothing to you. Also tell him that you were planning on poisoning yourself when eating his meal because you wanted to make him feel like absolute dogshit after his kid died.

>>19080700
That sounds awful he might even cry and try to hug you
Is this what it's like being normal, you can't say no to stuff like this?

I reported this thread to the FBI because asking advice on how to poison someone without it being detected is hella suspicious and also OP's story sounds like bullshit.

>>19081076
>even
Only a sociopath would see an opportunity.

>>19080700
I can understand why you did not specify, it was reasonable, but faking illness is just kicking the can down the road until he "gets it," which is more cruel than you have to be while avoiding their grief. If there is not bond between you to you should really just tell them and tell them you find this uncomfortable - you are not the asshole for pointing out unwarranted expectations.
You should also ask him if the meal was genuinely just an offer as being their son's friend, or if there wasn't something else they were looking for (stories about son, your relationship, etc.). There might actually be a more reasonable request behind the invitation, but they think you'll just ghost them if they are too explicit.

>>19081135
It is very much implied that the other person needs help in his life at the moment, are currently trying to get help in some form, and they don't want to be explicit due to paranoia that OP is really just amiable around him because they were friends with the friend (true) and will utterly flake and ghost them the moment they need help in their lives (true).

>>19080766
Judge whether or not you want to go again after the first visit, as long as it’s not unbearable you should have some humanity and try to enjoy your free meal.