/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>18713841
If booze is considered a food then a really bad hangover

>>18713841
Might have been food
Might have been from eating my exf's ass
vomited all night, could not stop, extremities started going numb and I could no longer stand up.
Thought I was going to die, asked some friends for a ride to the hospital, they gave me bulked up dramamine, stopped the vomiting, kicked me out a 3:30 am.
Cost $10k. Went to collections, gave the sam hyde spiel, paid $200 and it was dropped.

>>18713856
I got picked up on a sidewalk, it was only like 3k, with your bill I got off easy

>>18713841
I was in 8th grade on a road trip with family
we stop at taco bell for lunch
I get a bag of burritos including a 7 layer burrito
(sour cream and guac)
I eat my meal but save the 7 layer for later
...5 hours later....
I eat the 7 layer
I was shitting and puking for 3 days
I even had to give a stool sample to the Health dept before I returned to school, to this day I'm not sure why

>>18713841
Any of the times I got sick enough that I was projectile vomiting while also shidding and pissing out my ass at the same time. Thank God I have friends who care and brought me two shopping bags full of bottles of red Gatoraide. Was like manna from heaven when I could keep it down. I eat out a lot and live in constant fear of some wagie making me that sick again.

>>18713841
I drank a half bottle of blackberry brady then decided to make carbonara. Puked my guts out for hours, passed out, woke up and puked some more.

>>18713884
Gatorade has a weird aftertaste but its amazing tasting when you get sick

Same for powerade but they have less flavors

Just a bit of vomitting when I was a kid. Nothing since. Only fuckin retards get sick from food.

>make carbonara for the first time
>damn this is delicious
>scarf down two bowls
>o fuk thats rich
>puke it all back up
>unable to eat anything for 36 hours

>>18713925
>Only fuckin retards get sick from food.
If you dine out, its a constant roll of the dice. If you don't eat out good for you, but God made some of us lazy and its not our fault we have to dine on dirty wagie prepared food.

>>18713945
Blaming a fictional character for your laziness is blasphemy. Get off your ass you faggot.

I usually try KFC once a year to still see if its garbage (it always is) and i happened to eat the cheetos sandwich meal

I immediately felt sick the moment i took a bite and i still ate the whole meal and was shitting out liquid

>>18713856
The sam hyde what

>>18713841
Salmonella from undercooked chucked during a heatwave in July.
Misery

>>18713841
I'm not lactose intolerant but I once ate alot of fibrous cereal and shat for hours. The naivete of constant diarrhea is fearing the burning pain instead of the extreme cramps your rectum is going to get overexerting itself trying to squeeze out every sloppy bit of it.

>>18713954
I'm like that but more once every couple years, just to remind myself that its the nasty shit I last rememered last time

>>18713841
Undercooked chicken. Spent an entire day dry heaving and shitting every hour.

Gorton's products have really dropped in quality except the thick cut fishsticks. Their salmon filets and crab cakes taste weird and make you feel nauseous after.

>>18713988
I thought it was Gordon's

Went to Mexico as a kid, got a chicken sandwich at Jack In The Box. The mayonnaise on the sandwich was clumpy and had a yellow transparent liquid running off of it. Ate it anyways, was sick for prob a day. To this day I don't like mayonnaise (or Mexico, but that's just because i'm racist.)

>>18713955
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oD2gXY4piF4

Get a load of the picky eater here >>18713988
Anon is right and I noticed it like 20 years ago when all that so called fish became flakes or whatever they call it now, surimi, fit for only bug people.

>>18713841
A place called Balkan restaurant. I woke up in the middle of the night throwing in the toilet/retching for probably close to an hour. In between sessions I curled up in the fetal position next to my toilet. I eventually crawled down the stairs to my kitchen and got some flat coke to drink and rehydrate. That's also why I hate albanians

>>18713841
I bought a bottle of unpasteurized juice thinking I’d be fine, because it’s just fruit.
>two days later
>get up from bed and immediately get feverish with urge to puke and shit
>managed to eat some yogurt in the AM but lost my appetite and started puking/shitting combo in the evening
>on day 4 of shitting the nastiest smelling diarrhea I have ever pooped, now with blood, I go to urgent care
>get sent to ER and my poop tests positive for E. coli
>after diarrhea ordeal was over I didn’t poop for five days

>>18713878
The hospital doctor told me GI illnesses spread very easily in schools and nursing homes. I was questioned by a lab for like 30 minutes about where I work, what I ate and grocery stores I shopped at before I became sick

>>18713851
https://youtu.be/pjwGr9KKIpM

>>18713977
Jack?

>>18713841
I got Hepatitis A from Chipotle. Only found it out during random blood tests. It was during COVID and my doctor said usually the health department would follow up with me. But it never did.

Pixie sticks. It felt like hot lava and razor blades slowly dragging itself through my intestines until I projectile shit it out.

Got food poisoning from Lucille's Smokehouse Bar-B-Que in Las Vegas just eating a bad burger. Was in my first year of high school at the time and knew it tasted weird but figured worse comes to worse ill get sick for a day and take a few days off school but boy o boy was I wrong. I ended up getting Gastroparesis from it which getting Gastroparesis through food poisoning is so rare that it was overlooked and took me around five years of going in and out of hospitals in Vegas for them to finally give up and send me to Scottsdale Arizona Mayo Clinic where they figured it out in five days. I am in my thirties now and am still fucked with it, dr said a bug went through my system emitting goasses that paralized parts of my stomach and intestines and the damage was so bad that not even a pasemaker can fix it.

>>18714206
Same thing happened with Red Robin they had an outbreak of hepatitis and it was so stupid. All because they let an employee come in while sick.

Reminder to always put your food in the fridge and never eat anything of questionable age.

>>18713841
>>18713841
>Having dinner with dad, aunt and cousin
>Servings are massive
>Cousin running late, aunt orders two entrees
>Cousin arrives half an hour late and makes a scene because we didn't order what he wanted
>Two more entrees are ordered
>Everyone is angry
>Everyone is yelling
>I keep stress eating while trying to calm everyone down
>Already ate an ungodly amount of food
>Waiter comes to the table
>We only have two cuts of beef left in the grill
>We order them
>Aunt screams, stands up and storms off
>Cousin yells nobody follow her, we don't chase retards
>Aunt comes back
>Waiter comes with Enough meat for ten people
>They brought us all the meat they had left because they wanted to turn off the grill
>Somehow keep eating
>Somehow manage to finish it all
>Come home feeling like shit
>Lay in bed and fall asleep
>Wake up two hours later
>I cannot breathe
>About to shit myself, run to the bathroom
>Don't make it to the toilet, shit everywhere
>Sit down to continue shitting and projectile vomit all over the floor
>Stand up, completely covered in shit and vomit
>Can hardly stand up, feel like I'm about to pass out
>Take off my underwear and throw it
>Stand under the shower, not enough strength to clean myself so just stand there under the cold water for as long as I'm able to (about five minutes)
>Turn shower off and head to my bedroom
>Almost pass out halfway through
Lay in bed quivering completely wet and still covered in shit and vomit until I manage to fall asleep

>>18714457
And who cleaned up the shit the next day??

Is it like that anon who shit all over the wall and their parents forced them to clean it as a kid

>>18713841
I moved into a new house (new as in just built, not just new to me) early 2021. I did a low and slow cook of 2 racks of beef ribs in the oven, used a meat thermometer to ensure doneness. About 12 hours later came the worst stomach pain I’ve ever encountered. I could now smell traces of chemicals mixed in with my beef ribs and immediately threw the rest away.

I probably should have gone to the ER to get my stomach pumped but for every 2 hours of excruciating pain came 20 minutes of relief that tricked me into thinking it was finally over. All in all the first 24 hours were the worst but I was still on the mend 48 hours later.

When I put it together that the oven was clearly contaminated with something (I wouldn’t be surprised if it was even something like paint fumes trapped from the build process) I immediately put it on self clean mode and now I thoroughly wash every appliance or utensil prior to using it in a cook. It’s been almost 2 years and I’m afraid to try beef ribs again because I think the smell might cause my body to instinctively shut down.

>>18714522
I live alone faggot, nobody cleaned it. I now shower at McDonald's

I dont know what I ate but I proceeded to shit every 20 minutes for 10 straight hours.
it started at 8pm dude and I had to go to work in the morning
I just wanted to fucking sleep and nope, gotta go squirt pure liquid out for 5 minutes, then catch another 15-20min of laying there not sleeping

>>18714234
You haven't lived until you've snorted that pixie sticks powder

>>18714695
Why are our bodies such assholes...

>go to long john silver with family at like 4 years old
>taking bath later, mommy leaves me alone for a second to go grab something
>she comes back in
>im soaking in tub full of diarrhea and toddler puke

>go to cicis with family at like 11 years old
>wake up in middle of night with awful stomach pain
>have to throw up and shit, cant decide which to use toilet for
>end up freezing, shit and throw up everywhere
>sit in bathtub, crying while my mom cleans it all up

>be in gym class in high school
>friend gives me some kind of preworkout powder
>suddenly get explosive diarrhea, sprint to bathroom while leaking from my ass
>toilet doesnt have any paper, have to rip out pages from old guitar world magazine i had in my backpack and wipe with them

>have ear infection, start taking antibiotics
>doc says not to drink while im taking them, fuck you doc
>try sipping on a beer, feel ok, so i decide to go hard
>have huge fancy dinner with gf at japanese restaurant, go out and get shitfaced after
>wake up in middle night puking up awful thick black sludge
>throw up like 10 times through the night, every puke session is distinct in texture and appearance and resembles one of the dishes i ate earlier
>actually kind of entertaining since i get to guess whats gonna come up next

>>18713841
This happened somewhat recently this year.
>Be me out for travel for work
>in a shitty small town in North Carolina
>recommended a nice small bbq joint called Backyard BBQ
>walk in, literally moist and foggy windows from the cooking
>buffet style bbq and sides
>order the last of the shortribs
>greasy nig cuts it up and serves it up to me
>take it back to hotel and devour
>food is fucking delicious one of the best ribs
>go on site to do my job
>feel a vomit sesh coming up, mouth getting watery etc.
>go into the bathroom and throw up, no one notices
>let the manager in charge know I threw up and I might have to leave, shes cool with it
>throw up again, and again
>leave the site, drive back to hotel 5 mins away
>as soon I get in my room I am on the floor of the bathroom clinging to the toilet and throwing up every few minutes
>diarrhea on top of this as well
>throw up into diarrhea pile
>smell makes me throw up more
>the abdominal pain is so intense I cannot leave the floor of the bathroom and am just laying in the fetal position
>eventually stop throwing up for a few brief moments
>call the front desk and ask them to drop off gatorade, ginger ale, water, and some crackers
>take sips of water and ginger ale, immediately throw up afterwards
>this keeps happening every 15 mins to get up and vomit
>eventually fall asleep for a few hours, able to keep liquids down for a half hour before throwing up
>eventually fall sleep for a few more hours
>tell manager I cant make it in tomorrow morning
>wake up to calls from manager saying that their server is down wont boot into windows and its frozen
>literally tell them just to force reboot it
>they say no and to come out
>fuck you guys, throw up real quick drive out there to just reboot a fucking server and leave

On the way back though I did find one of the best fucking tomato basil soups I've ever had which held me over for the plane ride. I honestly felt like I was dying from my stomach out.
1/2

>>18714846
2/2

Follow up to this:
I looked up the public health inspection for this restaurant and found they lost marks for keeping food at a stable and safe temperature with their buffet style.
Look up different types of food poisoning bacteria and find one directly linked to keeping cooked meat at a below safe temperature for more than two hours.
All of the symptoms matched exactly what I had happen to me.
Never posted a bad review or let the owners know.

>>18714859
Yo, fuck black owned BBQ place.
>eat lunch at BBQ joint down the block from work
>Feel funny, sprint to office restroom
>proceed to shit guts out, with recurring bouts every 20 mins for 3 hours, including shitting blood.
>drive home after innards are totally empty
>pass out and sleep a loooong time
never again bros

>ate some mussels from a can
>throat started constricting
>couldn’t breathe
>ran to bathroom and threw up what I just ate>
>started feeling my air passageway open slowly
>was able to breathe again clearly after about 10 minutes
Never ate mussels again

>>18713841
I got food poisoning from some shrimp scampi from the mess once. Was sick for like 2 days and I swear I was shitting blood (had dark spots in my crap that looked like blood). Can't do butter + shrimp any more, immediately makes me gag and retch now. Fortunately I can still do fried shrimp and shrimp cocktail on its own.

>>18714551
Fridgebro?

>>18713841
I got sick from eating what I think was uncooked rice at a PeiWei years ago. All the vomit was like half digested fried rice. It was painful and I'll never forget that feeling for as long as I live. Maybe it was the eggs they used for it, idk.
I didnt eat there for several years. When I returned one day just to give it another chance, the prices and quality were so bad I vowed never to return. Not sure how they are still in business.

Ate some salmon I had cooked with lemon and dill after 4 days in the refrigerator. I got the worst case of meat sweats, followed by bouts of diarrhea. Was driving from Bakersfield to Barstow, stopped once in Bakersfield for a healthy loose BM, then in the Love's truck stop in Tehachapi to spray the inside of a toilet bowl with high pressure Hershey, then once out in the desert to feed the coyotes. Third time was the charm, although all I had to wipe with was a fistful of fast food napkins and my underwear.
Good times.

>>18715474
Gotta be the egg in the rice homie. I doubt un cooked hell even raw rice is dangerous in anyway. Or maybe the cooks were picking their ass while cooking. Maybe.

Got food poisoning as a teenager from a pepperoni supreme pizza. Was throwing up chunks of chewed up pepperoni and onions through my nose. Sucked so bad.

There used to be this salad bar buffet place called the Soupplantation. Family would often go there for am after church meal. Anyway got horrendous food poisoning, I couldn't keep down anything for days. But the weirdest part was I was the only one who got sick and no one else in my family did. And the place doesn't have a huge selection everyone pretty much eats the same thing.

>>18713841
diarrhea

Very expired pomegranate juice with mold coming out the top that I didn't realize when chugging it from the walk-in at my job. Over fucking two days of feeling on the verge of death.

>>18713841
I once ate some 3 day old juice and kratom mixture that was basically a cake (i suppose it was bacteria lol) and was hospitalized for extreme vomiting

Consumption.
*ba dum ts*

>>18715267
sounds like a horrible allergic reaction than actual contamination

>>18715492
raw rice is dangerous buddy, you don't eat raw flour for the same reason

>>18714846
>>18714859
I had this same experience from a Chinese buffet in my early 20s. I had to sleep on the bathroom floor. Lasted like 3-4 days. Could not even keep a sip of water down, I'd immediately puke it back up. If I managed to keep anything down, not an hour later it was exiting as diarrhea or throw up. It was awful. Probably the sickest I've ever been from anything in my life. Had to be e.coli or something

>>18713841
I got a food poisoning once in Poland and spent a night lying on the floor delirious after which I had a multihour flight and a train trip. It obvious wasn't serious as I was perfectly fine in about three days but as an experience it ranks the worst.

>>18713856
Feels good not being an american

I got really really hungry as a early teen and all we had was onion buns to make sandwiches. I made 3 sandwiches and spent the night throwing up oniony flavored vomit. I am traumatized by onion buns now

I Love Me Some Pickles

>>18713841
One of the worst was also the most recent, getting mega food poisoning the night before having to drive across Europe to catch my ferry home. Thankfully I had planned to do it over 2 days as the first day I could only manage an hour of driving at a time before having to pull over and blast another load of liquid shit out my ass and spend another hour in the foetal position in my car. Holy shit that sucked so bad. Thankfully I also do plenty of /out/ so I’m pretty adept at shidding outdoors. Saved me having to try and find nasty toilets every hour.

>>18713841
clear diarrhea during a stay in turkey.

>>18713841
probably a hangover or food poisoning from too old salmon I undercooked

>>18713919
*fewer

>>18714009
This is extremely bad advice

>>18713841
Week-long constant diarrhea with burning asshole
It was the shittiest week in my entire life

>>18714310
Christ

Just some advice. You always shit first and you can puke into a bucket or something.

>>18714457
>>Cousin arrives half an hour late and makes a scene because we didn't order what he wanted
why didnt u order the food?
>>18714457
>>Stand up, completely covered in shit and vomit
hot>>18714457
>under the cold water for as long as I'm able to (about five minutes)
retard

>>18714419
back when i had a serious issue with drinking i'd leave food i ordered, mostly pizza and other junk food, in room temperature for days since they wouldnt fit in my fridge and eat them whenever i got hungry
i never got anything from them which is a wonder since some of the food had chicken and seafood in them

Obesity

I'm not even sure if it was from food poisoning, but good god did I get sick with what seemed like it could have been food poisoning last year.

>constant diarrhea
>felt like I was going to throw up
>had to run to the toilet every 20 minutes, even I was out of diarrhea
>fever
>at one point I had to go to the bathroom and blasted shit everywhere before I got to the toilet

That was horrible

I hope you guys never have to go through stuff like this ever again.

i ate a bean burrito from taco bell once that had cum in the middle of it. i knew immediately when i bit into it because of the smell. then i opened it up, sure enough a pile of cum. i couldnt eat for a couple days after and took me a year to go back to a fast food place. i didnt even bother with a lawsuit cause i assumed id have no way to prove it because i was 16 and didnt know about dna test, i couldve become a millionaire.

>>18713841
Ate steak in Thailand when I was 17. I'm not sure if I was vomiting shit, or shitting vomit, but whatever it was came out of me for 7 hours straight (not counting time I spent passed out on the bathroom floor). I thought I was dying. I was alright after a nap, but I was too scared to eat for the rest of the family holiday because I didn't want it to happen to me again

>>18715492
The heat from the uncooked rice cooks the egg

>>18713841
Ate a 30 pack of beef sticks from a (bad) gas station. Had to drive 12 hours that day and ended up drinking pepto and imodium for about 9 hours hoping to not stop at every rest stop ever. Ended up making it to the place at the 16 hour mark. the turd the next day looked like it came from a horror film for how black it was.
That said i think the event cured my lactose intolerance. Now i can drink a quart of milk and my farts just get a little smelly.

>>18717120
It only cost him 200 bucks

>>18713841
>Ate some scuffed pizza from a bakery
>Fever, vomiting, diarrhea and dizzyness for a week.
>Had cabbage rolls for christmas.
>Stomach burns for a month
>Baked some bread with unsifted whole grain flour
>shit felt like barbed wire being dragged out of my asshole and got a massive hemorrhoid

The stomach burn was the worst though since I couldn't get any relief from the pain.

>>18713841
Never ever had food poisoning, have eaten raw wild pork, wild venison as a hunter.
Even in my kitchen, keep things clean and sterile between different meats and veges.

Americans are the worst in kitchen cleanliness, never wash shit, never clean the stove.

I lived in the US for 5 years, never again will I live with them un-hygenic retards.

>>18717147
Holy fuck, I am almost crying. Thanks for posting, bro.

Now to mine. This one is a bit different from all the others.
>be me
>be living in Japan
>first time I have to work while living alone
>be desperately trying to find a job with a shitty N3 certificate
>everyday feels like I am a plant plucked away from its roots
>becoming depressed, live in the japanese equivalent of a shambles, 1.5 metres wide, 6 people living under the same roof
>I start eating like absolute shit.
>fuck your teeth for the rest of eternity kind of bad
>find comfort in those brief, amnesic moments where I only have to chew
>no thoughts, only sugar
>my shit starts becoming hard
>like I have to overstrain my asshole to spew away a humongous turd everytime
>be coming back one of those days from eating a series of burgers
>start feeling a petrificated golem in my intestines
>cannot walk a single step before having to shit for 5 minutes, because my digestive system starts growling like a feral dog
>this continues for about an hour
>i CANNOT hold it anymore
>have to shit anywhere, whatever it takes
>there's a conbini in front of me
>cannot cross the street for the life of me
>there's a backyward just next to me
>it has become dark already
>oh please God forgive me
>I find a spot in between the grass, next to a door, to shit
>I do the deed as the shame washes over me in cold, unforgiving speaks
>I ask the kami to forgive me, finally go to the konbini and clean myself
>wake up the next day
>continue gulping down the same shit
Not the last shameful thing I did in that country, but one of those I hadn't told yet. I had a few breakdowns but couldn't stop by myself until I moved to greener, Okinawan pastures and got feed actual food which healed me physically and mentally. Thank God for Okinawa.

>>18713841
Some food killed me once. I've avoided deadly food since.

>>18713841
I think it was salmonella, feel a little under the weather in the evening. Next day shit out water every 20min, acid water that burns like hell. Can hardly walk, my intestines feel like they are constantly being stabbed. Eat crackers, shit water, drink water and shit water. Going to the store for food took me 40min, usually just 10, sweat like crazy and everything hurt. This went on for 7 days, 5 days straight of shitting water and feeling like I was dying then some recovery otherwise I would've gone to the doctor. It took me 10 days in total to be able to eat like usual and my asshole hasn't been the same since.
The only thing I remember eating that evening is a salad, some tomatoes and some olives.

>>18719059
*before having to sit for five minutes
fml, I am sorry.

>>18713841
One night of liquid shits, abdominal pain and cold sweats

>>18713878
>to this day I'm not sure why
Because dirty little fuckers don't wash their hands after taking a shit. They wanted to be sure that it was out of you.

opened a pack of sausages and smelled a slight hint of bad, but I thought it might be the flavour because it wasn't very strong smell and I was too lazy to have to figure something else out for dinner.
anyway, turns out it would have only been one or two that had gone bad and I got them. other person who ate theirs was fine.
I spent about 5 days shitting blood & vomiting.

>>18713841
>eating at a sketchy chinese place
>crammed into a tiny corner to eat
>stand to leave
>bowl with a high centre of gravity tips
>spills sauce onto a small cut on the back of my left leg
>wash when I get home
>feel a bit ill that night, but that's all
>scratch heals just fine
>bump leg against a cabinet
>pain lasts for days
>mum comes over to find me babbling and incoherent
>can't tell what day it is
>rushed to hospital
>massive infection was building under the scratch
>nearly dead from septicemia
>have to cut out a chunk of my calf
>find a small growth from where some organic matter, likely a fragment of animal bone, entered the wound
>spend months in hospital
>get out
>infection sets in again
>back in hospital
>meet a cute nurse
>don't know she has a fetish for open wounds
>date
>break up
>leaves me with coldsores
>suffer from chronic pain for months
>left with suffering hours of constant cramping spasms in my calf every morning if I don't sleep in one precise position

>>18719133
Why is she sticking up her ass like that? That's generally a pretty sloppy dogeza.

>>18713841
>worst sickness you got from food?
Back in the 80's, I once ate a single bite of a egg sandwich with raw bacon.
For two days, I shuffled from the bed to the toilet.
All liquid shits.

Cambodia. Spent a night in a hotel room alternating between vomiting and violently shitting. We're talking 0 delay between the two activities. Took charcoal tablets so everything was black. Unsettling, to say the least. Out of fear of it happening again I subsisted on a diet of pringles and coca cola for a week.

>>18713841
Frozen crumbed chicken in the oven that wasn't 100% cooked because I forgot to preheat and I was hungry and impatient by that point. Eventually resulted in muscle pain and cramps all over for a few days.

>>18714419
>tomato sauce
>with chicken
A lot of people need to die right now.

>>18715223
That sounds like a comfy sleep.

>>18713841
Typical food poisoning bullshit, vomiting and diarrhea. It was weird, like I could feel it in my kidneys or something, then all of a sudden projectile vomiting and explosive diarrhea at the same time. Lasted like two days, and I would feel totally fine for hours, then it would hit me all at once with very little warning.

>>18714310
sue them

>>18713841
Salmonella poisoning. Dunno what I got it from. It started with a fever, I thought I was gonna get off easy. No such luck. Shat blood and puked every 20 minutes for like 6 more days. My intestines were constantly cramping. Couldn't eat real food for like 3 weeks, didn't feel 100% for like 2 months.
I don't take chances with food poisoning anymore.

I was in college and a poor fag so I went to the grocery store in the ghetto near my college, I bought like some frozen pigs in a blanket things, taste fine, but like 4 hours later I had to rush to the sink, I was vomiting so hard I had to sit on the toilet because it was making me shit my brains out too. vomiting went away after a few hours, but the next day my stomach was spasming like I was getting stabbed and I had diarrhea for like 7 days. I was also hallucinating I was act like a opera perfomance

>>18713841
Food poisoning from chorizo sausages
>eat chorizo sausages I had for only two days in the fridge
>shitiscash.exe
>fast forward next day
>visit parents in late morning
>sudden profuse sweating and started to shake like michael j fox licking a car battery
>stomach and intestines cramp up, vomiting imminent
>in 5 seconds I'm violently vomiting and shitting, in turns
>diarrea so bad I start to pee clear liquid out of my ass
>bye gut flora
>cannot hold anything down for 24 hours
>mom, who is a nurse, administers IV fluids to me that she had lying around so I don't become dehydrated
>wtfmom.gif
>vomiting stopped after 24 hours
>lost almost 10 pounds

>>18717120
I say as I bleed out from a teaspoon assault. (The hospitals are full of refugees and I'll be seen in 2026)

>>18718986
>Hmm no one has brought up America yet...

>>18713841
A 3-day bout of food poisoning from a chinese buffet. Couldn’t even have a sip of water. Fuck those people

>>18720032
>>18720066
butthurt amerilard

pissing out my ass from eating badly cooked salmon

>>18713841
Obesity and Diabeetus.

>>18717495
why?

gastroenteritis, 3 times already. first was I think shrimp, second don't know, third from too much spinach I think

>>18713841
Probably the cajun flavor noodles I ate once as a kid and threw up when I went to bed. Any other sickness just made my tummy rumble and I shit it out later on.

>>18713841
The only instance of food poisoning I ever got was from a local restaurant. Ordered the chicken alfredo. It didn't taste very good, but it didn't taste foul or anything so I ate it all up.
I wake up to the worst fucking diarrhea in my life and that was one of the few times I had a legitimate reason to call in sick to school. That was the worst pain I ever felt in my life, hands down. Still avoid chicken alfredo to this day.

>>18717495
Anyone taking financial advice from Sam Hyde deserves what's coming

>>18713940
>>18713900
What's with you retards and carbonara?

>>18723152
why so butthurt?

>>18713841
Cheapo Spanish charcuterie from Mercadona in Alicante, got me sick as fuck, I was like a double shit and puke fountain for 4 hours before collapsing on the cold wet marble in my bathroom. Legit thought I was dying at some point because I could barely breathe with all the puke.
24 hours later I was fine like it never happened.
This shit still made me a vegetarian for some months.

>go to a Filipino Karaoke restaurant that I’ve been to for my entire life every few months with my extended family
>Grandad loves it which is why we always went there
>never had any issues with it myself, they seemed very clean and well organised
>Always got a la carte stuff since I was a kid, stuff like nuggets and chips, fish and chips, chicken and rice
>When I’m 12, parents tell me to try the buffet and I like it
>keep going back every 2-3 months for a birthday or special occasion
>one time I go, I decide to try some of the seafood from the buffet
>it’s steamed and wrapped in banana leaf, sure this should be fine
>wake up at 1am next morning feeling like someone is stabbing me directly through my heart and liver simultaneously
>stumble to the sink but shit myself on the way
>puke out some god forsaken slurry that I don’t even want to describe
>spend the next 6 hours alternating between puking and shitting
>chugging down water to try and keep myself hydrated just to throw it up again
>all throughout I feel like I’m having a fucking heart attack

Ended up getting 3 days off school, but fuck Flips and fuck their seafood.

>>18721739
Unless you expect to live on the poverty line your entire life, you're likely to need a major loan at some point whether it's a business loan or a mortgage, which you'll never get if you wantonly shoot holes in your credit rating like that. That's ignoring the possibility that you'll get taken to court for petty claims, which isn't zero probability. Debt collectors don't like to make losses on debt they've paid for. The judge isn't going to listen to your excuses.

Obesity

>>18719393
What did you eat in Cambodia that made you ill?

>>18723497
It's not the food, it's the water.

probably obesity, if that counts. never once got food poisoning though.

>>18713841
Ate three Kebab sandwiches then vomitted and felt like my heart is going to explode, all because I remembered a pic I saw on twitter of a Barbie doll in a fucking rat suit made of a real rat skin

Not food poisoning but I picked up norovirus a few years ago. Literally couldn't eat for days, and had 0 appetite for months after. It also made it so I could not stomach alcohol for months, one beer or anything and I would puke. Ended up losing like 30lbs which made me look pretty sexy ngl.

>>18713841

Heart disease and diabetes

I was once 10 kilo overweight, if that counts. Maybe caries as alternative.

>>18723444
>wanting to ever get into massive debt rather than working for what you own
Ok bud

Swine flu from eating a baconator. felt like a flu x10, as well as, being ran over by a truck

>>18713841
AIDS

>>18713841
I made a box of that bacon ranch pasta salad, ate like half of it, fell asleep, ate the rest like 4 hours later and was up all night throwing it back up lmao

>>18713948
ebin

>>18713841
I think i got cholera once. Thank god medicine exists or i would be done for lmao

>>18714310
i find it wild that I eat at god awful dive bars. I eat absolute cheap shit $8 cdn burger and fries specials at the bottom of the shelf bars in toronto. They use fucking grocery bags for gloves when handling ground beef. Maybe I should stop eating at these places, and maybe the grocery bag gloves work.

>>18713841
By far it was ordering pizza from a place called “Crust”. The pizza had prawn and I had never felt so sick in all my life. When I was a kid I jumped out of a 2 story building, tried to grab onto a tree branch, lost my grip and fell down flat on my back, arm landed on a rock and my wrist snapped. I would take that pain over how sick that pizza made me any day of the week. I knew about food poisoning but I never knew just how bad it could be.

>>18713841
The bacteria that cause food poisoning can take a while to incubate. Most people misattribute their food poisoning ti the last thing they ate, but oftentimes this isn't actually the cause.

I was very fat as a teenager. My cousin's kid was having a birthday party, and they were just chucking some stuff on the grill. Since there were a lot of people and they were all over the place, plates were placed out all around the house and the yard for people to grab food. Thus meant my parents couldn't really keep an eye on my consumption of food, like they usually do.

I downed 6 loaded hamburgers (as much cheese and bacon as patty), 5 bratwurst sandwiches, chips, a lot of soda, amd several slices of cake. Somehow I didn't actually feel too terrible in the moment, but just as we were leaving I started to feel queasy.

I had trouble falling asleep from the stomach ache. Eventually I did, but hours later (still in he dead of night) something inside me stirred violently and it awoke me. I had to rush naked to the bathroom and slammed my ass down on the toilet seat, where I proceeded to spew an ungodly amount of brown water from my asshole. This, combined with having consumed enough sodium earlier to have killed a horse, meant that as I sat there spewing forth a waterfall from my ass it felt like thick boiling poison was flowing through every one of my veins, a truly horrifying feeling. My stomach felt like someone was pumping it full of air to bursting point, and after that it happened.

Undigested chunks came flying out in an unholy cacophony. My body completely refused what I had crammed into it, and was just letting it all out. I spent HOURS on that toilet, not wanting to push because my asshole was incredibly sore and in tremendous pain, but needing to push because otherwise my stomach would act up and get stabbing pains. I unironically cried. After all the chunks had evacuated, I was left trying to push out a mostly clear, thick slime.

I washed my ass on the bidet (even the very gentle stream of water on my asshole stung by then) and I crawled back into bed teary eyed, feeling like what I can only asume violent anal rape by an elephant does, and passed out.

>>18723497
>Cambodia
Underage pussy

im mexican ,i could eat a tire and be fine

i ate a can of sardines once
apparently it was bad i havent had a canned sardine since

>>18724583
You catch swine flu like normal flu, not from eating pork.

>Be me
>Go to Pajeet land for le spiritual experience
>Eat from the worst places imaginable but always make sure to drink packaged drinking water
>Only get a stomach ache and that's probably because I ate too much
>Gain 4 kgs there
>Return to Sweden
>Go to local Turkish food joint
>Order some kebap
>Get violently sick the minute I'm home
>Shit and piss before I reach the bedroom
>Wife is screaming
>Kids are laughing
>Stomach left like someone stuck a hot nail through it
>Wife slipped and fell on my diarrhea puddle
>Children howling in laughter
>Emotions fluctuate between crying from pain and laughing at wife
>Spent the next day and half just shitting and puking
>Apparently a lot of people fell sick that day and the store had been closed for inspection
How the fuck do you make worse food than some street cart stall thingy in India? Never feel sick there but the first thing I have back home makes me sick. Never eating at a brow establishment in Sweden again.

>>18725961
The trick is to track when they exchange the kebab-log. When it's fresh it's okay, but if its the same log going on week 2 it's better to stay away

>>18726231
>same log going on week 2
This doesn't really happen right?

>>18713841
Some sort of mystery exotic seafood I ate at a chinese place, ended up getting the worst food poisoning ever, enough to almost kill me from dehydration as I couldn't stop puking and shitting so much to the point where I had no more bodily fluids

God I cant even remember the last time, which feels being blessed. I dont mind shitting but vomiting+ cramps is the real deal. Isnt it fascinating that when you feel so shitty that you think you are about to die, that you just embrace the sweet kiss of death? I know I was. It literally felt like dying when I finally slept.

>>18713841
AIDS. if by food you mean
fuckin'
old
obese
dudes

>>18714419
Ive pushed it with pizza or shit that was left out over night, anyone five says old should have smelt like ass

>>18717674
Anon did you not have containers to put the za in?

>>18713841
bad hummus...
was camping with friends and had cooked a big celebration dinner for something--Steaks, hobo pack veggies and baked potatoes on the campfire...all fresh and from scratch except for 1 thing--some hummus that LOOKED and TASTED ok, maybe a little sour, but not really OFF.
Just as we'd finished cleaning up,(quickly, as a big summer storm was rolling in,) the storm hit with a vengence--big fucking banger of a thunderstorm too.
laying down in my tent with the driving rain pelting the fly, All of a sudden, I got that feeling--you know, the tight, almost battery acid tasting tightness right behind your jaw? I knew I had seconds to get out for the inevitable technicolor yawn...
Wouldn't you know? the fucking zipper gets stuck, off track, a good 3-5 minutes of fucking around with it in the best of circumstances--and that rain is fucking coming down in BUCKETS.
PANIC....Sheer panic sets in, I can't hold my gorge back any longer...
I fucking ripped the tent door open at the zipper and stumbled out into the now hammering rain, puking all that excellent dinner we'd just eaten in all directions as I staggered through the muddy forest to get further away from the tent, so I didn't have a pool of vomit sitting right outside of it. I spent the next 15 minutes on all fours, purging my entire being until I could do nothing but dry heave with sheets of water coming down all around me...
I was fine in the morning, and was able to fix the tent zipper so that it would NEVER LOCK UP ON ME AGAIN...but that had to be the worst.
Only one almost as bad was burning through half a case of little kings playing the "minute game"I made good friends with the snails that night as I crawled around in the dewy grass under the full moon...good times.
btw, when I checked that Godforsaken CURSED HUMMUS the next morning, it was actually bubbling--so I know that was the culprit.
I still like hummus though, even if I always give it the hairy-eyeball if it's store-bought.

>>18719499
I used to make that almost every night when I was in college and I'd sing "the Rains of Castamere" as I fried the chicken every time too.

And who are you
The proud lord said
That I must bow so low

>>18713841
I had expired kool aid made with hot tap water. Felt like a cannon ball was in my stomach for over a week. Constantly running to the bathroom only for the pain to get worse 10 minutes after shitting.

>food poisoning of any kind
I think seafood might've been the worst but I was literally pissing out of my asshole. Just pure liquid shit. By the 9th or 11th time you're on the toilet you're just squirting out little droplets while your asshole is literally on fire.
Also overeating and being way too bloated to the point where you can't move or do anything is probably a second runner-up.

>>18713841
I got my first ever migraine and threw up after eating at a shitty Chinese restaurant. Is egg drop soup supposed to be the consistency of raw egg whites?

>>18713841
food poisoning

>>18713841
Sushi

Highschool got chicken parm from Sbarro at the mall with my girlfriend. Worst food poisoning I've ever had, we both got it. They definitely had left it there for several days before they served it to us. Ruined the relationship, but she was kind of flaky and a ho anyway. Def the kind of girl who had been sexual active since she was young.

>>18713841
Some bug I got from a restaurant in Los Angeles. I had an inocuous fish dish from some lean, white flesh fish.

Doctors told me it was a strain somewhat commonly found in central America but almost never in North America.

El Salvadoran Kitchen handler likely never wiped his own ass and then proceeded to plate or serve my food.

At the end of the second day of having diarrhea every 25-20 minutes (even during the nights), I was very dehydrated (despite my best efforts to rehydrate). Since it wasn't passing I went to the doctor who gave me IV fluids, and gave me some AB I hadn't taken before or since after taking a culture of my stool.

Epicly unfun times and will never go back to that shithole restaurant again.

>mom brings home 12 foot-long hotdogs
>3am
>hungry
>eat 5 hotdogs cold
>go back for #6
>look at box
>they're raw
>30 minutes later, vomit so hard i meet God

>>18730130
Kek. Had to have tasted amazing for you not to notice.

>>18713841
>Visiting the UK while lactose intolerant
>brought trusty lactase pills
>try British dairy products with pill
>they're delicious
>better than any cheese I have ever had
>an hour later
>my stomach betrays me
>sick and weak for the entire night
>repeats any time I try anything with the slightest hint of lactose
>pills do nothing
>buy pain pills to not feel like my stomach is rotting
>pills contain lactose too

What the hell do they put in British milk? It's delicious but I can't handle it.

>>18713841
Never eating Egg McMuffin again. Made me shit myself twice, vomit and shit uncontrollably for three days, all the while having the worst fever and pain I felt in my life. Fuck McDicks

>>18730130
how would you even cook a 12 foot-long hotdog?

>>18713841
I once got a really bad case of food poisoning from eating re-heated eggs at work. I was puking and shitting liquid in the bathroom for an hour. At one point I was curled up under my desk (this was after everyone else had left for the day) and just shivering really bad. I started feeling sleepy and realized that if I stayed there I might actually die. I was able to drive myself to an Urgent Care facility and they immediately told me to go to a hospital emergency room. When I got there they told me I was severely dehydrated and gave me two units of IV fluids. I recovered fairly well after that, and they told me I was on the verge of passing out due to dehydration.

>>18713841
I ate like 4 to 6 oranges in a row when I was six years old and threw up all over my Mom's friends house. Never gotten food poisoning though from what I can remember.

>>18719348
Damn. just sent you some groovy energy. something goods gonna happen for you today

>roast chicken legs in oven
>take ''em out and check if they're done
>looks kinda sus
>hear my brother's voice in my head
>"you always overcook the chicken so it's dry"
>say fuck it, decide to yolo on the chicken
>eat it
>that night
>start puking, explosive diarrhea
>shivering, dangerously high fever
>can't eat or drink, it just comes out immediately (from both ends)
>can't swallow paracetamol pill
>sit on my kitchen floor crushing paracetamol (in a ziplock) with a shoe so I can swallow it
>can't sleep because I have to get up to shit and puke
>lasts 3 days
>get diarrhea pills from doctor
>"these can make you drowsy"
>diarrhea dries up
>immediately falls asleep at 10AM, sleep until midnight
>lost 2 kg from not eating
>pants slide off due to my weight loss

Never again will I listen to my brother's voice in my head.

As an alcoholic, I don't know if I ever got food poisoning or just hit it too hard for too long. Never really thought it was food-related, because I usually ask my drinking buddies.

ate an entire little ceasars pizza in one sitting earlier, couldn't stop vomiting all day

>2 years ago
>roommate is raving about this new seafood place that opened up
>decide to order some crayfish since I didn't eat them since I was a kid
>eat 2lb bag
>a few hours later my throat is burning, and I'm throwing up and shitting my soul out
>text boss to tell him that I can't make it to work the next day and take 4 days off for sick leave
Next might make me sound like a bitch
> few months later and i drink 5 Four Lokos
>black out and wake up 9 hours later to my roomate's gf screaming since there's vomit and blood on the hallway floor and I'm dehydrated
>tell boss that I think I might have covid so he gives me 3 days off without counting it as sick leave(had to get cleared that I was covid negative)
>don't know where the blood came from to this day either

>>18723243
>>18721739
>>18724540
>>18714009
you guys ever consider that maybe it's alright to appreciate Sam Hyde's comedy but not so much his financial or life advice? this is case in point on how demoralized young men are raised to be these days. find better role models. 100 years in this country young men had serious and accomplished men as their mentors.

>>18732795
100 years ago*

>in colombia
>take the bus from bogota to cartagena and they drop me off in a slum at 2am
>sit near a 24 hour fried chicken cart manned by a 13 year old because he has a light and druggies were harassing me in the darker areas
>order some fried chicken with rice for the privilege of using a chair, its ok
>afterwards notice the horrendous condition of his "kitchen"
>giardia for a month
>at times i had to stay indoors all day because I would have violent diarrhea every 30 minutes, from morning to night

egg drop soup from a chinese restaurant
which really pisses me off because to this day i still have trouble even smelling eggs. i swear i actually deleted a porn folder and did a couple other things in preparation for death

>>18732795
Your image associates you with a community that celebrates infantile and degenerate behavior bereft of self actualization.
>MOMMY MOMMY CHICKEN TENDIES but let me lecture you about the downfall of western civilization.
Go away.

>>18713841
Cooking red kidney beans from dry. Shitting and puking for hours

Eating hummus out of the trash, usually trash food is okay but this had me going for a while

>>18715483
>high pressure Hershey
KEK

>>18713841
>be me
>in wisco at madison farmers market on Oct 30th
>going stand to stand and end up at a deer sausage and jerky station
>buy a wet, precooked deer sausage that was unusually lukewarm and seemed to be in a small pool of water
>suspicious.jpeg but whatevs
>ate it and it tasted good
>5 hours pass and start getting ready for a friend's halloween party that night
>suddenly get massive urge to shit
>shit heavily
>wait 10 minutes
>shit heavily again
>ohno.mp4
>go back in for round 3 and now it's just firey burning liquid
>shit two more times within an hour and aching/fever start to set in
>call off going to the party
the next 24 hours were a constant mox of shitting, sleeping and hallucinating fever dreams. I was seeing really gnarly shit
>purple and green bubbled bedroom
>felt my body dissolve into my dresser
>kept hearing Alan Watts quotes in my head
>woke up feeling fine the next day and ate a pizza
wild shit desu

>>18713841
>eat a ridiculous fat fuck binge amount of plums and apricots
>worst cramps of my life for an hour
>finally get urge to shit
>high pressure liquid diarrhea broken up by violent farts that felt like they ripped my asshole open
>keep getting hit with waves of this until the following afternoon
It's not like I got really sick but fuck did it hurt.

Man last night something fucked me up awful and I'm not sure what I'm experiencing. I had two cube steaks with some mushrooms, some cheese, a little jerkey for a snack later, then sipped on some bourbon before bed. I do this all the time, trying to trim down a little so I can pig out for Christmas. These are normal eating patterns for me when I'm cutting. Last night I woke up at about 2:30 with what felt like lava/battery acid erupting from my chest. It was the worst acid reflux I've ever experienced. Didnt habe to throw up or poop, just horrible acid. I was looking up symptoms and it seemed like GERD maybe. Can you get that any time?
Anyway, It was so painful I was tearing up. I went to my living room and sat in a recliner to try to keep my esophagus elevated. It helped a bit, but it just kept going. I tried to go throw up, but it was like 8f outside, so I hurried back in quick. I decides to eat some bread, and it actually did help calm my stomach down. I ended up eating a whole round of banana nut bread. If it helped, it helped, so I just fucking ate it.
Woke up this morning and it's still happening. Took some pepto, a couple tums, nothing is helping. Just horrible gas, burping, farting, and acid geysers coming from my stomach. I'm at work and it's absolute hell. I have no idea why this is happening, but I assume it's dietary, but I've never had anything like this happen before. It's so fucking uncomfortable. I'd rather just diarrhea and vomit instead, it's way easier to deal with.

>>18732795
huh?

>>18713841
2015 chipotle. Pretty sure I got hit by the e. coli outbreak at the time
>home from college for spring break
>whole family leaves me alone for the week to watch the new puppy while they go on some other trip
>I get chipotle because lazy
>around 11PM have godawful diarrhea
>again in an hour
>keeps happening every hour all night, my asshole is fucking raw from shitting out literal stomach acid
>no longer wiping, just taking showers after each time because it hurts too much to use TP or even wet wipes
>can't move, don't want to eat, puppy is barking at me constantly because it's pissed I don't want to play
>don't even have the energy to cry on the toilet
>just chugging water to try and stay hydrated
I probably was shitting blood at some point but I didn't bother to look. I was shitting like this for days, and I've had IBS since. God fuck chipotle and their goddamned poo lettuce. Fuck them so hard

>>18734543
Could be the bourbon. Do you consume caffeine? That's a big one, it can fuck with the valve that keeps your stomach acid from going back up your esophagus.

>>18725149
I’m from Toronto too and frequent dive bars. How bottom shelf are we talking here?

>>18713841
One time a few years ago I was really hungry but there was pretty much nothing to eat around the house. I found a bag of expired cornbread stuffing mix in the pantry. Ate about half of it, didn't bother cooking it or anything. Within a couple hours, intense headache and nausea, leading up to very intense shitting and vomiting. Pretty much complete relief after that, headache was gone almost immediately.

>Had to fast in preparation for a colonoscopy
>Absolutely starving to death after the procedure
>Buy an egg salad sandwich from my fave shop
>Devour it
>Half an hour later, feel the need to fart
>Oh god, that wasn't a fart at all
>I'm on the toilet screaming in agony and terror as undigested egg, veggies, bread and pure fucking acid evacuate my insides

>>18713841
>in glorious Nippon for the new year holiday
>nip friends order special new years holiday preserved foods because all the shops will be closed for days
>eat some weird cured fish thing
>12 hours later, the worst abdominal pain I've ever experienced
>like aquatic alien parasites are trying to rip their way out of me
>projectile vomiting and shitting blood and pus for 3 days
>can't even drink water
>pee turns brown (kidneys dying)
>can't stand up without nearly fainting from low blood pressure
>seeing alien bugs crawling on the walls
>have to go to international hospital in Tokyo
>get IV antibiotics and fluids
>shits stop, delirium fades
>meanwhile the nips I was staying with are munching on their stupid holiday snacks with barely a minor tummy grumble
>fly home weeks early
>cured of being a weeaboo forever

one week in university I ate nothing but hot Cheetos with hot sauce and beer absolute worst shit of my life

About to eat some duck eggs brined in softener salt. Lets see

Listeria from a grill out with a buddy. Funny in hindsight. Spent the next 72 hours alternating between sleeping, shitting, and showering in cold water. Never told him about it lol

>>18736416
No you werent japan you liar

>>18736416
Similar
>in grorious nippon
>everyone won't shut up about Habu Sake, snake whiskey
>get to bar
>see handle of whiskey with a dead, whole snake inside of it
>the whole snake was for appearances - the whiskey has some kind of actual snake venom in it
>allegedly, this snake venom is what your liver focuses on processing, so if you drink the habu sake, all the rest of what you drink will be 10x more potent that night
>buddies and I do two (2) shots of it, to the bartender's surprise
>have about seven to ten more drinks
>hardly noticed anything at all, if anything that night was pretty tame
>wake up next morning
>pissing out of my ass
>miss the hotel's check-out time because I'm non-stop shitting, welded to the toilet for hours
>buddies getting pissed, we're almost late to where we need to be because I've been shitting for hours
>lost about 3lbs
0/10 don't recommend

>>18713878
did you put it in the fridge? Idk what else it could be.

Chipotle steak burrito. Shat and puked for three days.
The other time was also Chipotle and I was willing to give them a chance again after several years. Never again.

i dodged it for 35 years but it got me for the first time a few months ago. idk what it was that did it but yeah the experience was basically like an average of every story posted in this thread. it was fucking stupid. prior to that, basically just really bad hangovers and my appendix tried to kill me years ago and i remember docs saying that it usually starts with a blockage that gets infected or something so I guess that could be food related?

>>18713878
I work in the health department. We ask for stool samples because we love scat here

>>18714033
>school
>general infantry
Americans

>>18714846
>>18715223
>taking food from darkies
Anon, I...

>>18720032
Any country in Europe and the Americas is whiter than the USA. Hell, I'm willing to bet swatches of Asia and Africa are whiter.

>>18727441
It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. Shit kebab shops with a reputation for food poisoning don't sell as much food due to fewer customers, therefore the elephant's foot lasts longer and is more likely to give people food poisoning. The ones I go to will go through a full kebab in two nights at the most, so it's always fresh. 'Fresh' here being a relative concept, but two days is fine for a kebab, it's just maturing nicely by then.

>>18715267
I had a very similar experience. My best guess is it was from canned sauerkraut I used to make something with. I woke up in the middle of night to throw up and then I wasn’t able to breathe, like I got the wind knocked out of me. Stumbled to neighbor’s to have them call 911 because I couldn’t even speak. Then I threw up on her lawn and instantly felt 100% better right as the ambulance arrived. Told EMS I was good and went back to sleep lol

>>18713856
>Might have been from eating my exf's ass
hahaha he fell for the meme

I got strep throat when I was a junior in high school and didn't know what was going on, so I got hit bad. I went to work on it and eventually asked to leave early - I'm like 16 - but on the way back stopped by a Portuguese sausage place where this girl I knew had just started working. Hole in the wall Chorizo place, family owned, one room, they light your Chorizo with fire while serving with a little porcelain plate. So I'm rolling back to my place because I feel like I'm dying, but I want to hit on this girl. Out of place half Black half Mexican nerd girl, one of the goths at my 99% white school, with a nice attitude and a nice figure. She definitely wanted to fuck me - for most of high school. I was too autistic to go for it, or a lot of other chadly things I could have done. I was a goddamn autist; not an incel, but I feel very bad for my exes.
I should have fucked all of those girls, right in their pussies. I should have rubbed their tits all over my face and fingered their clits while penetrating them. Then, I should have kept a respectable difference as I moved from one to another. I should have taken care of myself. I should have finished my degree. I should have never turned into my father. I still think about fucking them. and how a mistake would have maybe improved my life.
My paternal family name will die with me, although I probably have illegitimate children around the country. I will never meet them and they will grow up to hate me, maybe beat women, maybe become fags. They are the dusty remains of my COOM. I'm halfway to death, let's see how those little shits do.

>>18713841

Our neighbor gave us some suspicious-looking Mexican sausage they brought back from their vacation.
Sat in the freezer for a while.
Middle-school-aged me finally ate some.
Turned pale and started puking and pissing out my ass at school.

Also I got coronavirus from oysters one time.

>>18741554
>Also I got coronavirus from oysters one time.
bruh how. were you seriously eating chinese oysters?

Norovirus, vomited so much and couldn't keep any liquids down I had to go to a hospital. I was passing out from dehydration when I stood up as my blood pressure would drop like a stone
They said they put about 3L of water into me with an IV and were shocked that I still didn't have to pee

>>18714004
Not THIS again

>>18713841
Never went to the hospital, but I bet it was E-coli from wendies
>eat really mid tier meal at wendies, not worse than usual though
>go to sleep
>next day shitting a bit worse than usual
>as the day goes on, im shitting worse and worse, i usually shit 3x a day so not worried yet
>the actual shit mass is gone now, its just water and acid now
>nasua, dizzyness, lightheadedness, horrible stomach cramps and gas pains
>this goes on for 3 days, by day 2 im shitting little spurts of pure agony acid, bleeding like a stuck pig when i wipe
>toilet is full of blood every time I shit from the brand new hemheroids this poisoning gave me, i have 3 external, 2 internal last check i had done
>get to the point that im wiping like an indian with a wet hand and washing it in the bathtub faucet, its mostly blood so its not too gross and it turns the 8/10 pain wipe into a 5/10
>lost like 8 pounds
>continued to eat shttiy fast food to this day, but not wendies fuck that shit
Moral of the story: dont eat at resteraunts that are over 50% melonated or you will get sick

>>18713841
I know it was not the intention of this thread, but I have come back to it off and on for a week to get supremely turned on by people talking about liquid shits and immediately hit up the fecal section of my favorite porn site

>>18735809
Wtf
Why

>>18741999
why are itoddlers like this

>>18713841
I had serious food poisoning from a doritos salsa dip. was out for over a week but I cant really remember much of it, just sleeping in the bathroom because I was too weak to take 7 steps from my bedroom to get to it

>>18740732
nightmare

>>18741599

Lol, autocorrect - it was norovirus

Just puked and shat for like 6 hours.

>>18714551
>I live alone faggot, nobody cleaned it
and how were we supposed to know?? faggot

>>18717620
just some advice, if you gonna shit liquid AND puke, might as well lay in the shower/bathtub (with the water running, obviously)

>>18713919
powerade is just koolaid with crushed up flintstones vitamins

>>18713841
Year passed consumption date cheese at my Alzheimer's grandma.
>Dad starts to feel bad
>Proceed to cry vomit and shit everywhere
>Ahah what a fag
>I start to feel bad
>God pls no
>Proceed to cry vomit and shit everywhere
>Little bro laughs at us
>Starts to feel bad
>Proceed to cry vomit and shit everywhere

Only my Breton peasant mother felt close to nothing. We all thought we would die on the spot.

>>18713841
Not me but I was there to witness the whole thing.
Went to San Francisco for a school trip and a small group of us went to Bubba Gump Shrimp. Most of us were okay but one of the group was fucked up from it and needed to find a bathroom.
Well SF being a complete hellhole there are no public bathrooms. I told him to do what the locals do and blast ass all over the sidewalk but he refused so we wandered for 2 hours to find a shitter.
Eventually we ended up in Chinatown which has public "bathrooms" ie holes in the floor. He came out 10 minutes later redfaced and demanded we gtfo. Apparently 10 chinks were just hanging out in there and intently watched the strange sight of a white person pissing diarrhea out of his ass in their rat-infested bathroom.
That was 10 years ago and I will never set foot in that city again.

Camplyobacter jejuni, from chicken that appeared to be fully cooked and tasted fine.

Three weeks ill including a brief hospitalisation, inability to keep water down, medication that stopped me puking but made me lactate, that was weird, and had to have a flexible sigmoidoscopy follow up to check for inflammatory bowel disease secondary to it as they were worried it might have done permanent damage.

>>18713841
711 steak and cheese taquitos.

>>18714846
>>18715223
Shieeeet, white bois just can't handle them spices and flavorful bacteria we cultivate.

>allergic to crustaceans (not in a fatal way, in a "stomach does not accept it" way)
>bored and hungry during shift in novelty store
>spot box of roasted crickets
>2bird1stone
>notice message on box saying do not eat if allergic to shellfish but ignore it
>start chowing down
>30 minutes later somethings happening
>stomach cramping, cold sweat breaking out
>only person working that night so i have to tough it out
>nausea getting worse to the point that i have to consciously avert my eyes from the food section
>constantly fighting back bile
>shift ends, i lock the door and rush to the bathroom
>after evacuating 50% of the liquid in my body i end up curled up in the fetal position on the bathroom tiles
>still had to close
tldr: insects are not hypoallergenic

>>18743732
Yeah they are in the same clade

>>18743743
i should have known better given that shellfish have almost all the same features as insects but i'm retarded

>>18714033
if it was apple juice, that happened to me as well, only i was two. i have no memory of it but apparently it almost killed me

not the worst but i distinctly remember as a child eating like 9 jello cups and vomiting all over my uncle who had just walked in after flying for 8 hours to visit

I was eating beenie weenies from a 2lb bag on a bar counter while there were cases of nora virus floating around the neighborhood. i got nora virus.

>>18724540
>paying for a house with cash
rentoid moment

>>18713841
Made chili and left it in the fridge for almost three weeks. Ate some and then had a bad time. Projectile vomiting and projectile shidding for the next couple days.

>>18743873
>living in a house and property when someone else owns it but yourself

>>18743873
You owe your house to the bank, you realize this right?

Ate slimely undercooked chicken thifh. My asshole was an open fire hydrant someone tampered with to cool off on a hot summers day. Just an endless stream of liquid coming out of my ass. Doctor said i had some sort of bacteria.

I started counting the amount of times i had to go to the bathroom on average a day and it came to like 22 shits. At the end battery acid was melting my ring. This was at my parents house too and all they had was this recycled sand paper you would find in a woodshop. Blood covered roll with every wipe. I started sobbing on the bowl like i was at a funeral.

>>18713841
Big braps

i shit myself after eating nuclear buffalo wings from a college bar

>be 16
>hanging out at friends house
>get really stoned
>"Hey man, lets order a pizza."
>order a large with pepperoni and jalepenos from pizza hut
>we both eat half
>about 15 minutes later start to feel dizzy and sweaty
>"I think I need some fresh air."
>take one step out the back door and with no warning whatsoever projectile vomit half a pizza across the wood deck
>immediately feel better and go tell friend what happened
>spread a box of baking soda over the vomit trail then spray down the deck with the garden hose
>only a faint lingering odor of pepperoni
Could have been worse.

i have eaten the stone-cold worst garbage you can imagine and i've been a fifth-per-day drinker and just the worst habits. fall-down drunk many many times
i've never once shit my pants in my life. what the fuck is wrong with you guys

When I was 8 or so, I was the only older kid at my daycare as it was winter break, so the camp counselor lady gave me some instant mashed potatoes mixed with cold ground beef. Anyways, I started shitting and vomiting everywhere. I literally could not keep my head up I was shitting and vomiting so hard. Last thing I remember is I fell asleep (still throwing up)and then magically waking up a week later with the couch missing

It was Thanksgiving when I was very young and I got sick off of some pumpkin pie. I was at my grandmother's house for the night. I was so sick I was hallucinating that the stuffed animals in the room were talking to me. I kept asking them to go get my grandma. I threw up repeatedly till my stomach was empty and was still dry heaving. My grandmother never came to check on me. My grandfather was bedridden with arthritis so that may be why. I couldn't even smell pumpkin pie without getting nauseous for years after that.

>>18718965
What do you mean "scuffed"?

>>18714457
There are few things worse than having the dual exit when you're sick. It's only happened to me once, but I knew it was coming and I couldn't find a trashbin in time, so I chose to vomit in the toilet and shit my pants.

It made me feel so damn helpless and vulnerable kek

>get an intestinal virus
>procede sitting myself for like 6 days
>get better
> decide to grab some chicken wings from supermarket
>some of them are not cooked properly
> get food poisoning
> proceed to shit the guts out of myself
Yeah fun times

>>18713851
Rare tuna had me shitting water in an incredibly unpleasant manner

Food poisoning on a cruise. Don't risk eating shellfish on vacation no matter who prepares it your vacation isn't worth it bros.

>>18713925
The only times I've ever been sick from food are from restaurants. Fast casual ones only. I no longer support the restaurant industry, stopped just before the plandemic.

>>18743810
It's norovirus, retard. Some of you are too stupid to live, and yet here you are.

>>18713856
I wish vomiting all night to ass eaters

Mystery meat BBQ & papaya salad with shellfish in it from Ratchada train market in Bangkok when I was really drunk like 6 years ago, I was bedbound for like 5 days puking and shitting so badly. That mixed with all the fake alcohol I had been drinking all week, 100% my own fault but I think that was the worst poisoning I've ever had from food.
All this in a shitty hostel dorm with no air conditioning in like 100f humidity.

> be me, about age 8 or 9
> Ate something for lunch or dinner - can't recall what it was.
> Same evening I start feeling real bad. Stomach cramps, stomach growling, the works.
> At 9 or 10 pm go take an ungodly diarrhea shit.
> When finished I was just barely able to turn myself around before I start puking hard.
> Still all dizzy, manage to take a shower and get myself cleaned up.
> Somehow make it to bed and pass out.
> Wake up next morning for school day. Immediately another bout of ungodly diarrhrea tries to get out.
> Shit for what feels like an eternity while begging my mum to call the school.
> Breakfast. Barely manage to eat a small spoonful of cereal before I have to puke.
> Puke straight into the bowl.
> Spend the next three days not eating and barely able to drink anything - but somehow still able to keep shitting and puking. At times puking pure bile.
> Lost ~8 kg in 4 days

Probably when I had some hash browns from a hotel desu.

One time my ex girlfriend's parents cooked some bear meat and I had the most vivid fever dream in black and white of being surgically experimented on by guys with red armbands. When I recovered I found that I had become an inflatable balloon Mario

>>18713841
No idea if it was food related but when I was like 8 or 9 I got some sulphur smelling burping disease, just constantly for like 48 hours, constantly interupting me, smelling my own burps was vile.

>>18746957
That's impossible, sulphuric enzymes would be processed out your ass

>Be me, 15 or so
>Go to Estonia for a day trip with family
>Mom buys some fancy salami from the marketplace
>Back home at evening
>Eat some bread, with slices of salami on top
>Shit's cash. Sleep after eating
>Wake up at 3AM or so, vomiting all over my bed
>Not able to get up and pass out in the puddle
>Wake up and throw up again
>Manage to get up and run to the toilet, covered in vomit
>Shit my guts out whilst vomiting in the sink
>Undigested pieces of salami everywhere
>Mom couldn't get the smell of salamivomit out of my bed and had to buy me a new one
>Be unable to eat salami ever again

>>18713841
I ate a dodgy kebab when I was living in France and got such severe food poisoning that I lost 20 pounds - I was shitting constantly for a week

>order domino's
>get that base with the cheese sauce in the middle
>eat half of pizza
>wake up at 3am with unbelievable heartburn
>shit and spew every last drop of liquid from my body

>>18746957
hello Ignatius, how is your valve?

bump

>>18743732
Deserved for being a bug muncher

I'm sick with diarrhea right now
Probably got it from contaminated water here in south america
Last time I was here was the worst though
>be 15
>peeing in grandparents home
>feel a fart coming
>decide to let it rip and laugh as the bathroom echoes
>shart my pants
It was probably the ceviche last time, not sure what this time. Maybe the food from the seedy markets

Ate some bad seafood dip a few years back. Felt kind of weird and just sprayed liquid shit for two days straight. Was about to go to the hospital when it hit me like a truck. Cold sweats, shivers, horrible stomach pain, and then I vomited literally undigested seafood dip chunks until I was completely hollow. Took a 30 minute long steaming hot shower and passed out from relief and exhaustion. felt like someone had beat me all over my body with hammers for a couple days after

How many of these stories come from doing something stupid? I'd say 75%. The other 25% is random shit happens so to speak.

>>18744111
You do realize that you can get a loan with an apr less than inflation so your debt actually grows more slowly than inflation, so your rent never goes up with inflation.

Then on top of that when you pay your mortgage you are building equity instead of paying rent.

>>18713841
i got gallipoli gallop in gallipoli (on a guided tour, me, an irish dude my age, and 4 old aussies) from poor quality manti and had to run from anzac cove to the only bathrooms in the memorial park while artively sharting myself. Then there wasnt any toilet paper. I stealthed from one of the western style stalls to a turkish style one and used the faucet there to wash the shit off me but had to throw away my underwear and go commando and extremely close to shitting myself the entire rest of the tour as the strayans would not stop taking the piss out of me for making us stop to use the bathroom so often. The guide hurried it up for me and drove me back to my hotel in cannakale though so at least it ended mostly well.

>>18743801
Reminds me of this
>be kid
>mom makes jello
>lets me have a spoon full while its still warm
>damn thats even better than when it sets
>years later
>be teen
>remember how good that liquid jello was
>decide im going to make my own and drink a big cup of it
>what could go wrong.jpg
>2 hours later
>sudden grumbly in my tummy
>proceed to vomit up 10x the volume of jello chunks that i drank
It was still pretty good

>>18713841
Mom's Spaghetti
Ate it and threw it all up 10 minutes later. But I had some more the next day and nothing happened so I don't know why I vomited

>>18743113
Reminds me of a story my friend told me. Him and his family all went out to eat at a restaurant and as soon as they got home they all got horrible diarrhea at the same time, so there were 5 of them alternating between 2 bathrooms all night and trying desperately not to shit themselves. Sounded like a sitcom

>>18734788
Try going grain free diet and do a course of probiotics for the ibs. I recommend this one, it's expensive but the best, get it refrigerated at gnc, keep it refrigerated. Do a pill a day with a fiber shake, sweet potato, banana and cinnamon with almond milk was my go to. That will feed the probiotics as they colonize and replace your gut bacteria.

A bad infection can tilt your gut bacteria balance and leave it like that till you change it. Big nose medicine for IBS just uses gnarly chemicals to reduce gut function, doesn't cure anything.

Also removing the grains makes everything easier. Wheat, rice, corn, oats, these plug you up and cause inflammation and immune response, cut them out and stick to meat, potatoes, salad veg and low amounts of fruit. Ever since I did this, no more bathroom problems.

>>18740313
Bait? GI means gastrointestinal.

>>18720024
>started to shake like michael j fox licking a car battery
Not many things can make me kek like this

all my friends who eat fast food and chipotle and takeout stuff like that are always getting food poisoning. in america the health codes are irrelevant because its just a bunch of 17 year olds who woke up at 1pm, high on weed, picking their nose and making your burrito after they went to the bathroom without washing their hands

>>18713841
diarrhea so bad i almost shat clear water.

Puking and shitting water every 10 minutes for the first day and continued diarrhea for at least a week. I was on vacation at that time and just arrived from one country to another the day before. I ate lots of different foods in that span of 2 days, So I cannot tell where exactly I got it from