/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>18637584
Yeah she was telling me it would be bad after I fucked her, sorry OP.

Your wife is a lazy bitch

>>18637584
>>meatballs
I got some meatballs for your pregnant wife

>>18637584
This is what you get for committing the sin of not treating women like the mindless breeding appliances they are. Enjoy.

>>18637584
After giving birth, she's gonna be depressed for years and keep doing it, just a heads up

Start smacking her. Only pathetic weak willed fatties eat what they want. It’s time you teach her to stop being an obese fucking loser.

>>18637584
I don't believe your wife is really pregnant. Please provide video evidence of the conception.

>>18637622
Should be easy to provide footage, OP. They gave you the camera.

>>18637584
Cute ravenous wife and proto-child

>>18637584
Couple days ago somebody ordered a peanut butter and bacon shake
that's a shake with peanut butter, but she wanted a strip of bacon blended up in there too
we did it, but we were all deeply confused afterward and we were certain the lady who ordered it was pregnant
not pregnant
just white woman things
"It's like a sweet and savory" she said
More like a really and stupid.

>>18637608
Get that bitch on keto or caloric deficit afterwards. She won't have an excuse to be depressed or psychotic when her ATP production goes into maximum efficiency.

>>18637676
sounds good. sorry about your autism.

>>18637584
You’re ok with your unborn child subsisting off of junk food?

>>18637676
Bacon actually goes really well with sweet stuff, you are just a tastelet.

>>18637676
Five guys has that as standard menu item

>>18637584
you should remember that there is a second person inside her who also requires food, i'd just cook up double the amount i usually do (also counting my own portions) and let her take the food she needs.

>>18637584
my mom is the same except she's just obese and not pregnant. Imagine how it would be dealing with that for 5+ years

>>18637584
what's it like being married to Amy Schumer Anon?

>>18638071
I'm sure he's having a whale of a time 8^)

>>18637676
I made a peanut butter and bacon sandwich once but I found that the flavor of the peanut butter really overpowered the bacon to the point I couldn't even taste it.

>>18637584
May your first child be a masculine child

>>18638097
This but not like this
>>18637584
Cook her some food, you retard.

Best part of having a wife is getting fat together then telling her to lose the weight

>>18638111
That's pretty harsh, I suspect that she'd cause trouble way before I dectected anything. As long as the bitches name isn't Trudy Trent.

You do this because you love her.

>>18638131
lust != love and a baby with a hottie is something that lasts forever, not that it's wrong

>>18638131
Perhaps Merlin has to sort this out

>>18637584
Save your child by not feeding her unhealthy shit!

>>18638180
She needed love to avoid becoming an evil witch

>>18637612
I've been with my wife for 10 years now. We met in high school, and I got her pregnant. She is and always has been a lazy person and a shit cook. I wouldn't even mind eating shit food if she at least made it on time. But she rarely did

We'd get into screaming arguments constantly about how lazy and worthless she was. I felt like an asshole for it, but goddamn she was a real piece of work. The only reason I dealt with all this was for the kids, and also because the sex is great

But one night, I got fed up. Not only did she get drunk, neglect the kids, and made me top Ramen for dinner, but she decided to give me attitude too. She was being real fucking bitchy. So I told my grandparents to keep an eye on the kids and told my wife we were going to go out and have dinner together. I drove maybe 3 blocks to a quiet area (we live in Oregon, it's not hard to find a quiet field) and I got out of the car, went around like I was going to open her door for her and let her out, and I just beat the shit out of her while she was still seatbelted. After a few punches, I asked her if she wanted to go back to her parents. She started screaming and yelling and said yes, so I beat the shit out of her again. Then I asked her what she wanted to do. She finally got smart and said she wanted to go home. So I took her home and dared her to start trouble. I even handed her my cellphone and dialed her mom's number on the drive home. I made her talk to her mom, while daring her to fucking say something.

Before that incident, I had never laid a hand on her. But I had always threatened it. I told her "one of these days, if you don't straighten up, I'm going to lay hands on you."

All my meals have been on time, and she just recently tried to make a meatloaf. It was mediocre, but I was just thrilled that she tried.

Do with this information what you will.

>>18637584
statistically you're probably going to get divorced anyway

>>18637584
Does she also ask for cups of ice? She's craving iron. Her body is telling her that Jr. is going to be anemic if she doesn't get some iron in. And no, there is no iron in cum, so don't try that trick.

>>18638243
I love this pasta. Someone needs to post it on a relationship advice forum.

>>18638254
Isn’t ice more of a near birth thing? I did suspect she wants iron based off all the beef she wants to eat

>>18638287
I don't know about the timing. If I remember correctly, my wife's cravings stayed pretty consistent during the whole term of her pregnancy. But the cravings changed with each kid, as did her revulsion to certain foods. The smell of popcorn would make her puke when she was pregnant with our 2nd. Weird.

>>18638088
You gotta go light on the peanut butter or heavy on the bacon

>>18637584
pregnancy is just women rationalizing eating like pigs as always, but now they get to use it even after the pregnancy is over. you have to control them still

After I started dating and got married I realized that women are literally like this 100% of the time with wanton cravings.

>>18637608
Just get her pregnant again, not a problem

:(

>>18637584
I can put some cheese inside your wife’s burger if you know what I mean

>>18638180
This. You’re unironically hurting your baby’s long term health if your wife is eating lots of garbage foods.

>>18638702
:^)

>>18637584
she does not need to eat more food if she is pregnant. She will get fat.
Obesity is bad for pregnancy.
Unfortunately, you will have to control your wife's eating. make sure she gets prenatal vitamins. other than that, she should eat normally.

I eat a lot of food, but the food is starchy and low in fat and I usually eat it hot with watery tomato sauce sweetened with aspartame (instead of sodium). food like rigitoni, beans. stuff like that. I can eat a lot and I don't get fat.
Stay away from high fat foods like chips, cookies, fries, cheese, etc.

>>18637584
Get her some southern, African-American cuisine.

>>18637584
>meatballs
I might know a guy who can procure you with what you’re looking for. Don’t worry about it, you can just owe me a favor later down the line.

>>18637584
U fucked a baby into her pussy now make lasagna

>>18637979
A foetus needs like 200 calories a day lol. The two people thing is an excuse for women to let themselves go and give up on life.

>>18637584
That's psychosomatic just like PMS. You're a rube and you're getting worked.

>>18639459
>Needs

Yes this is the minimum requirement, i would argue 500-700 calories extra with a incredibly varied diet to ensure the baby gets absolutely everything it needs, so basically 1 extra meal

>>18638254
Perhaps its the riddle of steel

>>18638243
So based

>>18637584
You'd better be getting her to eat some vegetables. I don't want my baby coming out a malnourished retard from day one.

Heck she might pump out some space alien, there's movies about this weird shit.

>>18637584
Just say no then you spineless worm

>>18640543
Not just movies but books and tomes and such regarding treachery and piracy, one has to stay within the order of law, for better or worse otherwise get hunted down.

Never let some cute foreign island chick fuck your head up lads.

>>18637584
feed her a knuckle sandwich

>>18637584
And? You say that like it’s a bad thing. I’d fuckin kill to have interactive stuffing porn.

>>18637584
>WHY IS MY LITTLE FUCKER MAKING MY WIFE SO HARD TO FEED
its not
your wife knows you're legally required to stay with her now, or else you give her half your shit and $1800/month for the next 18 years.
she's getting fat.
she doesnt have to do jack shit now as you're cucked into paying her way all the way to retirement while she watches netflix

>when you wife gains so much weight she looks the same after giving birth

>>18637584
*ancestral memories*

ancestral arapaima fish fossil destroyed in luftwaffe raid
(milk producing fish)

>>18637584
>My wife is pregnant
Are you sure she just isn’t fat? Some faties pretend to be pregnant just to get free food from a man

>>18640612
>>18640977
But she’s actually loosing weight right now. She keeps puking.

>>18641014
Didn't say there was anything wrong with it

>>18641010
Is she going to eat that whole pizza by herself or is some creature going to emerge from her belly?

>>18637892
colin farrel if he soy

>>18637584
imagine being married to someone that has been nutted inside of. what a disgussting whore.

>>18640570
Listen and understand this guy and dont fuck up

>>18641010
>>18638071
>>18637584
Post moar pregnant babes NOW

>>18638277
bald