/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>18206348
Yeah. You did good.

>>18206348
looks good

You put a bunch of shit on a cutting board. Well done!

>sneezes on the cutting board

Aw man. Looks like I’m the only one that can eat it now

yeah can i have some :D

I will be totally honest and say this looks absolutely amazing. This is a 10/10 spread and I would be thrilled if I were at an event and this was offered.

>>18206348
I don't like those salamies touching all the crackers but there is nothing I see that I don't want to eat

>>18206348
Not quite artisanal enough for my tastes.
7/10

>>18206370
Like I do when the cat touches my food, I throw it out for the dog while I stare at you. You, like the cat, can just fuck yourself.

Every party I go to, the host prepares one of these and all the guests are too shy to eat off it. I munch down on some cheese and crackers and always feel like I'm hogging the board. I hate guests that won't eat shit the host provides.

>>18206680
My ont and uncle were the extreme version of this and it was fucked in the head. We'd have them over for Thanksgiving or Christmas and they would literally sit at the table at dinner and not eat a single thing. They would usually bring food too, like some fudge or a cheesecake but like 15 people would be eating and sharing merriment and they would just awkwardly sit with their hands on their laps.

Fucking freaks

>>18206348
No, Superman does good. You did well.

>>18206684
>ont

>>18206685
not always true

>>18206348
IN THE EYES OF GOD:
Yes
especially if you are really high

yes but i fucking love olives and want a whole bowl of those

>>18206734
also
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lc_NrV6ZA2M

>>18206348
reddit

>>18206680
How much do you weigh? I bet you're that fat fuck that hovers near it and never goes away. Thats the reason no one approaches it. They know better that to get between a wild hog and its food source.

>>18206348
I love charcuchi boards.

>>18206348
Very VERY based. This is guaranteed to get you rimmed with cured meat breath, good luck op.

>>18206348
imo needs more cheese but otherwise very pretty board

>>18206348
Why is there an icepick in the potato mash?

>>18207635
Agreed, could use more cheese but it looks fantastic.
>>18207751
That's a knife, and that's a type of soft cheese. Lern2charcuterie, noob

>>18206348
What cheese is this?

why put in balsamic but no olive oil

>>18206904
Why are you like this? It's not clever and really doesn't add anything to the conversation other than showing that you're an obnoxious asshole.

Not enough bread.

>>18206348
not really, these things are always too overloaded with shit where its impossible to cut the cheese without a bunch of shit falling off all over the place

>>18206684
>ont
holy fuck the average iq on this website has to be below 90 these days

>>18208273
looks like some kind of boursin or other cream cheese blend

>>18208316
>Why are you like this?
Why did you get so upset about it? Must have some truth in it.
>doesn't add anything to the conversation.
This isn't a conversation you fucking retard.

>>18208273
OP here thats my dick cheese with some black pepper

>>18206348
Very nicely done, op. Would like to see some mustard, and something sweet other than grapes, like berries or honey or jam, but still great job.

>>18206348
Good spread. Making me hungry. Well done op

>>18206348
This looks perfect, I'd be delighted to eat from this board

>>18208316
did he hit too close to home, fatty? stop hogging all the food and work out a little and your weight wont start with a "400" anymore :)

>>18208777
Black pepper? Gross.

>>18206348
>meat cheeses fruit and bread not separated properly
>pitiful number of olives
>awful choice of nuts
It's a total mess OP. Starvation is the only way I would consider anything there acceptable.

>>18206348
crazy spread, just having trouble trying to figure out what all is on it since I don't really know stuff about chatruice boards

It'd be kinda sad if someone actually felt like they accomplished something by putting a bunch of processed shit on a table. It'd be like if I went to McDonald's and bought 50 dollars of food and spread it out. Not like I cooked any of it

>>18206348
I would gladly knock that over and ruin everybody's time and make some excuse why I did it

>>18206348
who qt in skirt

>>18209625
My 7 year old niece.

>>18209626
nvm

>>18209626

>>18208273
They're scrambled eggs m8

>>18206348
I get it. You bought upwards of $60 worth of cheese, cured meats, small pickled peppers, olives, French bread, fig spread because you are nothing if not sophisticated, and I get it. You spared no expense for this endeavor. And you’re no debutante. You felt it when the purchase hit your Mastercard. So you took your bounty and your finest cutting board and you arranged it with the poise of a coked up Martha Stewart. I get it. It looks really nice. Pinterest worthy, even. And you’re excited to proclaim, upon the cooing of your guests, that “it was all Trader Joe’s!” They’ll surely reply, mouths agape, “oh David and I just love TJs” or perhaps the uninitiated will say “I’ve heard of them- the one over on 86th street? I’ll have to get over there soon.” They won’t, but they’ll promise to at your next event. I get it. If you must post your ventures in charcuterie, please at least be mindful of pairings. Give us something to work with here. It is the holiday season after all, and this is the third post like yours we’ve seen today.

>>18207004
It's spelled chargucci

>>18206348
The spread looks nice but I fucking hate paper plates so much.
You can get a dozen proper plates for like a dollar at goodwill, man.
Don't you think your food deserves a real plate?

>>18206348
can i fuck your wife?

>>18206348
Very nice arrangement. Id try it

>>18206348
>no room on cutting board with meat literally falling off the edge
>random assortment of meats that just seems to be a prepackaged salami tray just redistributed on a board.
>no mustard, preserves, or dried fruits
>basic cheese selection

Idk I'd say 5/10, just a basic charcuterie plate with no personality, but nothing super wrong. Tbf the highest I'd rate something like this is like 7 since you're literally just opening packages and putting them on a plate. You want better charcuterie? Just spend more time/money picking out the meats and cheeses, there's not a really a secret or skill to it.

>>18206904
not him but I do the same thing and weigh 148 lbs at 5'11"

>>18206348
Somehow there's simultaneously too much and too little on the board.

>>18211815
it's a really poor use of space.

CHEESEBOARD
INFLUENCERS

>>18211951
How do you spend hours on a cheeseboard? Is she retarded or incompetent?

>>18206348
I LOVE CHEESEBOARD!

>>18206348
Oh wow...what do I want first? Maybe some dry nuts or dry bread. Oh look there's some grapes, I'll eat 2 of those. Ah he's and the main course, some meat and cheese. Excellent. Yeah you did good.

>>18206348
dont you have more than one type of bread?
americans have no culture, eating crackers instead of bread.

>>18212019
lying to make their 'job' seem less pathetic than it is

>>18212166
dude, they aren't a cheese board influence.

>>18212156
Why did you skip on the TUC cookies? They're supposed to be the focal point of our almost-free ad on 4chan?!

>>18209632
>>18209703
The duality of man

>>18210567
im pretty sure people just ate some snacks and touched grass weirdo rofl

>>18208273
that's whipped camel semen, a delicacy in coastal USA

>>18206611
Based beyond belief.

>>18206348
>no jams/spreads.

its just okay.

>>18206348
Google image search brings up a buncha moon runes. Are you a bot, or a bug anon?

>>18206348
>flips table
Let nerd!

>>18215906
What?

>>18206348
like other ppl have said you need a couple of other things on there, some additional fruits, jams or breads. personally I would skip the crackers but for a friendly neighbourhood cheeseboard you defo did good, sure your guests loved it!

>>18206348
Looks good to me beotch

>>18206348
Too much crackers not enough spreads but generally speaking?
Yes, to the point you actually made this board better by putting your thread on it.
9,99/10
Good job.

>>18206348
was probably really expensive so im going to give it a 4/10. it looks good but thats not enough food for a meal

>>18217640
Fatass

I get it. You bought upwards of $60 worth of cheese, cured meats, small pickled peppers, olives, French bread, fig spread because you are nothing if not sophisticated, and I get it. You spared no expense for this endeavor. And you’re no debutante. You felt it when the purchase hit your Mastercard. So you took your bounty and your finest cutting board and you arranged it with the poise of a coked up Martha Stewart. I get it. It looks really nice. Pinterest worthy, even. And you’re excited to proclaim, upon the cooing of your guests, that “it was all Trader Joe’s!” They’ll surely reply, mouths agape, “oh David and I just love TJs” or perhaps the uninitiated will say “I’ve heard of them- the one over on 86th street? I’ll have to get over there soon.” They won’t, but they’ll promise to at your next event. I get it. If you must post your ventures in charcuterie, please at least be mindful of pairings. Give us something to work with here. It is the holiday season after all, and this is the third post like yours we’ve seen today.

>>18208273
looks like cottage

>>18206685
based tracy

>>18209626
Imagine if she got up on the table and stomped on all the food with her muddy bare feet haha

>>18219594
*fucks your face*

>>18206904
Based- make gats uncomfortable whenever the opportunity arises

>>18219594
this. rich people dont serve this shit at parties, they serve hors d'oeuvres

>>18206348
>>18208273
OP I beg you.

>>18221329
glak glak glak

>>18206348
Paint with all the colors of the cheese/meat/bread/olives

>>18206362
pre fabricated shit

>>18206680
That’s weird. When I throw parties I usually just mix some skittles and m&ms in a bowl for everyone to enjoy.

>>18206348
And my tlayuda?

>>18208273
The one that I stick in my socks at night so they smell like your sister's crotch in the morning! All right?

>>18206348
The table grapes are probably too sweet to match well with the rest. Wine grapes would be better, but availability would be an issue.

>>18206348
can you do one for me but with bbq food and some hot cheetos?

>>18221385
Boursin

>>18206348
Bitches love that shit, if you ever want to impress a broad just put cheese and crackers on a board fuck cooking a meal

>only one type of nut
>no dried fruit
>no citrus or jams
7/10

>>18206348
where's the wine

>>18226421
In my liver.

>>18223054
>Paint with all the colors of the
wind?

>>18206348
Just fyi chlorine dioxide can clean uneven surfaces like wood and it vanishes

>>18206348
No figs? 0/10

>>18206348
You didn't cook anything.

>>18228088
Cooking is for women and gays

>>18228213
WHY ARE YOU HERE THEN?

>>18211951
i hate women so much its unreal

>>18228213
arranging food on a cutting board and taking pictures of it is the most feminine thing you can do.

Bread and crackers have no place on a charcuterie board, they should be in a basket on the side.

Also, needs pate de campagne or duck rillette. People rarely put a nice liver mousse on their boards and that what will impress guests.

>>18207004
>>18210798
shark coochie*

>>18206348
no blue cheese/10

I don't see any sign of a cheese jam / mustard either. only almonds, no other nuts?
try again

>>18206348
are you using gloves and keeping social distancing?

>>18212171
post cheeseboard

>>18206348
Yes 100% percent, you have enough of everything on your charcutterie board to make everybody happy. Though I wish you could have sliced the parmesian cheese in a way so that its easy for people to put a slice of it on a cracker if they so wished too.

>>18230456
not enough fruit

>>18230485
You're right however the only other fruit that would fit the theme of a charcutterie board would be figs which are sadly missing from that board in OP's pic

that's it. I'm doing a charcuterie this week

>>18223507
How do you know he didn’t make that cheese himself smart guy? I’m brining my own olives and grinding up pig snout to make sausage as I type this. Tomorrow I’ll harvest the wild fennel root and peppercorns to mix with the pork, and start skimming the goat milk. In about a month the tray will be ready, assuming I find a suitable piece of wood to work into a cutting board.

>>18209703
I'm gonna rape your little sister you cucky faggot

>>18209632
and you too faggot