/ck/ - Food & Cooking

You get her pregnant. You realise the duality of the petite Asian gf nine months later when you see your son, flat nosed and genitally deficient. Life was not what it seemed.

>>18093915
20 years later. Your son is an adult now and wishes for a relationship. You find a nice virgin pinay gf for him. He loves you and life is good.

>>18093945
You wake up from your dream. Your apartment is cold and dark and you are alone.

That chicken looks pretty decent but who the fuck eats fast food pasta lmao

>>18094000
You wake up from that dream. Your house is very warm and very bright, despite it being the middle of the night. There are flames everywhere.

>>18093879
19 years later your son buys ar15 and pays mommy and daddy a very scary visit

>>18094001
>who the fuck eats fast food pasta lmao
Evidence would suggest millions of people.
Roflmao and topkek or whatever.

>>18093879
fact: most powerful race in the world

>>18094017
LOL

>>18094017
You go to sleep. After a while, you are jolted awake and find yourself on a moving wagon in the forest.
“Hey. You. You’re finally awake.”

>>18093879
How well does it pay to post advertisements on here like this?

Overrated chain. The only thing good there is the mango pie

>>18093915
You return to your home country and cut off all contact with your son and mistress, leaving them $200 to ensure the boy is well looked after.

>>18094047
wow how do i upvote this

>pinay gf
>Jollibees
imagine the smell

>>18094054
Massive stacks of cash. The contrarian unemployed underage poorfag zoomer /ck/ demographic is lucrative as fuck.

>>18094047
fuck reddit this was the worst part of this rather humerous exchange you piece of shit try with your jokes like >>18094017 this anon did.

>>18093879
jolly spaghetti is gross, the chicken and gravy is decent though

>>18093879
>Have gf
Wow, that's nice
>Have to eat at Jollibee
Never mind

>>18094054
I get paid per post undernearth my OP. If I kick off a 500 post thread where every poster sees Jollibee, thats like 8 hours of free Jollibee advertising on this site with hundreds of thousands of unique visitors.
Im good at my job and it pays very well. very very well.

>>18093915
this, what a waste of asian genetics. almost all whites have a gay alien skull and bug eyes

>>18093879
that looks tasty

>>18093879
I hope you get what you're looking for in life OP

>>18094001
fuck you I like Fazoli's

>>18093879
when i was in the phillipines I ordered 20 yum burgers, I was pretty fat 220lbs at 5'11. They were less than a buck each though

>>18095162
Is this a downvote?

>>18094047

>>18095238

Cringey screencap bait, not worth reading. People that type out this sorta garbage are desperately looking for attention.

>>18095689
They just want to get to the front page of /r/4chan

>>18093879
you visit your pinay gf. she texts you "did u eat bb" 3x from 3am to 6am, but you're asleep, and you don't see her until 2pm since she is sleeping in from her night at the "karaoke bar" where she is a "hostess". you try to take her to jolibee and she is excited to get some chickenjoy but on the way there she says no you need to go get her a certain kind of apple scented shampoo and she needs to make pancit and lumpia with her mom and her cousin. you think, alright, pancit and lumpia is better than chickenjoy, and apple is a nice scent, so you drop her off at her cousin's house and say you'll be back with the shampoo. you can't find apple so you get lavender and hope she doesn't notice. when you get back, she is still rolling lumpia with her mom and her cousin (11yo boy). she enlists you in the process of portioning out the pork for the lumpia yet unrolled, and you squat on a plastic stool made for a 4yo and begin to try to figure out how much chopped pork to use and how to portion it, until you realize they don't portion it and just grab a little pinch each time they roll. you decide to sit back and play candy crush on your phone, and your pinay gf insults you for only being on level 304.

I want a giant female worker Jollibee© to sting me in the ass with her modified ovipositor stinger. After she punctures the inner wall of my rectum, I'll watch her pull away, shrieking in pain and bleeding ketchup as her digestive tract, made of giant strands of Jolly Spaghetti™ and covered in hot dog meat sauce, separates from her body along with the stinger, which is pumping frosty purple yam ice cream into my sphincter. She beats her crispy breaded Chickenjoy™ wings furiously, showering the area with stale grease, as she tries to fly back to the hive, but her gaping ass wound where her stinger used to bee is too deep, and she flops down on the ground, hyperventilating and sweating gravy from every pore. I'll watch her gasp and spasm like the chunk of flan in a halo-halo as she bleeds out the last of her ketchup blood onto the parched ground and then fall down on top of her, her stinger still filling me with frosty fun, and start paradoxically undressing as hypothermia begins to kill me from the inside out.

>>18093915
He'd probably make for a good twink

>>18094017
The flames are emitting thick smoke that begins to choke you, your vision fades slowly and you return to slumber. You begin to wake and see a large serpentine figure approaching on the dark horizon, it is he, the Demiurge.

>>18093879
she must be really overweight to eat that much fast food in one sitting, no thanks

I have a ldr flip gf/goldigger/green card seeker. She goes to Jollibee but prefers Chinese.

>>18095999
Too fucking real.

>>18096557
I have an ldr flip fiancé except she actually has a master's degree and makes more than me and she isn't a Jollibee fan. Maybe it's a lower class thing.

You visit your Indonesian gf. You go to her parents' estate with her and enjoy a good beef rendang made by Filipino slaves. You have sex later that day after prayers. Life is good.

>>18097308
Enjoy never getting to have pork again

>>18095999
you sound experienced anon

>>18095197
Nice cope chang

Filipinos are the ones with the butts right?

>>18095238
wasn't that on /tv/?

>>18098031
No. Not that kind of Hispanic

>tfw on dialysis and the Filipina nurse hits on you

do I shoot my shot after kidney transplant?

>>18093879
jolly spaghetti always looks so disgusting but the chicken looks tasty

>>18094047

>>18093879
I want an asian gf so bad bros

>>18098610
It's pretty great as long as you use common sense when picking one, the same with any woman.

>>18098693
>>18098610
just got out of a 5 year relationship with a filipino girl. she made me toughen up and her family became a second family, asian culture is the way desu. the bpd became too much though

>>18098791
I feel ya. I'm >>18098443

My exfiance had BPD. That shit destroys motherfuckers and for me cost me my health.

>>18098610
It's not that hard getting one. You have to be white, though. If you're not, then don't even bother.

>>18093879
We have a Jollibee by Port Authority (nyc), I went there once. It was... interesting. Not particularly good or bad. The chicken wasn't all that flavorful but the spaghetti with, uh, hot dogs (?) was interesting. Gave me the runs later on.

As far as fast food fried chicken goes, there's better around. Hell I think there's a Chick-fil-A around there too

>>18095447
their spaghetti sucks too.

>>18093879
I went to this place and the fucking bag fell apart and my food packages spilled on the ground (fortunately still untouched by sidewalk so they were mashed but still edible. Then my bottled water rolled into the street and a fedex truck ran it over and it exploded.

>>18098443
listen to ur heart anon

I have a stopover in the Phillipines on a flight soon. Gonna go to Jollibee and order the 2-piece Spicy Chicken Joy with extra Rice and upgrade to Pineapple Juice.

Any other recommendations?

>>18099876
Get the peach mango pie

>>18099876
>only have a couple hours in a foreign country
>decide to try their shitty fast food

Fuck Jollibee, find a ZubuChon and order some lechon (roasted pig). It's way better than shitty spaghetti or mediocre fried chicken

>>18099899
Will do.

>>18099901
I would love to eat somewhere local, but it's like a two hour stopover so I cant leave the airport. If I had time I'd get a massage and something good to eat.

>>18099919
>a two hour stopover so I cant leave the airport

Fair enough. Yeah the peach mango pie is a good one. I had that last time I was there. Really the only good thing on their menu.

>>18099876
get the spaget

>>18097196
My flip fiancé (former ldr, now financially supports me) likes chickenjoy but doesn't like yumburgers. Personally I don't like anything from Jollibee except the mango pie.

>>18098870
IMO the food at the NYC Jollibee somehow doesn't taste as good as the ones in the Philippines, and it didn't have the full selection either.

I live and grew up in SEA and the spaghetti is obviously different from what you'd get elsewhere. The sauce tends to be quite sweet, usually has chopped onions and maybe chopped tinned button mushrooms. Doesn't always comes with minced or ground meat as thats expensive here. When I was a kid, I always saw or read that spaghetti recipes include 'sausages', but over here the only sausages are actually hotdogs/frankfurters so that's what goes into spaghetti here.

I'd say its more of a kid's comfort food. Aside from Jolibee I don't know many places that would serve this as an adult dish.

>>18100089
based and "look at me, I'm the gold digger now" pilled

I've repeatedly turned down the advances of the same pretty hot flip girl for 10 years now because I want children that will look like me

>>18101299
If you're on this website, them looking like you is probably not preferable.

>>18099876
You can only eat at Jollibee if you leave the transfer area.

>>18101341
Think before you project this hard in a post

>>18101546
I am at peace with my ugliness

>>18093879
Whoa there, bud. Where the fuck is the peach mango pie?

>>18100195
Probably why expats flock to it in the U.S. To get that nostalgia high

>>18100106
Wouldn't surprise me, stuff is almost always better at its original location. I wonder if they've made any substitutions in suppliers. They do have multiple locations in the US

>>18093879
Sweet spaghetti sauce makes me projectile vomit. SE Asians don't know what the fuck they're doing with food.

>>18094000
>God what a horrible dream. now I can get back to pursuing my hobbies and interests in peace

I just want some filipina to shit all this out horrendously, violently as I kiss and rub her back.
i want her to apologize as she sharts and farts and Hershey squirts.
then I give her a bath and tenderly clean her as she becomes tenderness incarnate.

Filipinos are the worst Asians and Southeast Asians.
There, I said it.

>>18103563
>saying this when communist China exists

>>18103579
Worse than them.

>>18103587
Nothing is worse than a commie

Toronto Fag here...
Going to pop in and try a chicken sandwich and burger on the weekend. What can I expect?

>>18103601
Skip the burger, they're mediocre

>>18104228
could you compare them to any other chains?
which chicken one do you like the most?

IT'S THE NUT SHACK

>>18104236
The burger is basically McDonald's tier. Didn't actually get a chance to try the chicken sandwich.

>>18104245
well i was kind of expecting that, i like low tier fast food burgers. is it good by those standards?

>>18104273
It's fine, nothing special. It's least not gross I guess? Just boring

>>18104236
Their burger patty is more like a salisbury steak, which makes sense since they offer the patties served with mushroom gravy. Some people like it but I found it unpleasant.

>lost my flip gf because I was an asshole
>tried for years to get her back
>get close but never happens

>>18093879
Can I skip the pinay gf and just get the food?

>>18093945
>20 years later. Your son is an adult now and wishes for a relationship.

>>18099876
Hi Andrest

>>18105158
Elliot was half Jew, not half white. So not gonna be my problem.

>>18105158
*Yawn*
Get some new examples next time buddy

>>18104685
Sorry to hear that pal

>>18094018
Based

>>18093879

>>18106967
>any country being rated higher than Britain

into the trash it goes

I wanted to be open minded, accepting, and generally try to be a good person. I befriended a Filipina and overlooked the obvious filters of being uneducated and poor, said okay, lets give her a chance, they can be cute, clever, and have more traditional values. What could go wrong?
Big mistake. They are every stereotype from the Book, and more. Stupid, shallow, petty, gold digging, disloyal, quick to take advantage. Pretty much every relationship red flag is flying at full mast. I backed out before too much damage was done, thankfully.
I fooled myself into believing the bullshit... everyone should be given a chance, don't believe any of that stuff you heard! I am telling you to believe ALL of that stuff you heard (through the back channels), and reject ALL of the feelgood bullshit promoted endlessly by the media.

>>18106967
>YouGov

>>18106977
>admits he overlooked obvious red flags
>red flags rear their ugly head
>surprisedpikachu.jpg

You would have failed regardless of her race.

>>18098443
First get to work and get Surf Ninjas a 4K remaster on UHD, Ernie.

>>18104637
that sounds kind of weird so i guess ill try the cheapest one if i consider it otherwise im giving that chicken sandwich a go.

>go to KFC/popeyes
>crack addict beggar opens door then harasses me for money for his "service"
>tweaked out cashier at the counter
>mutters sound
>chuu wan
>i say, sorry excuse me?
>raises voice, gorilla mode activated
>NIGGA IM SAYING WHAT THE FUCK YOU WAN'
>ok just chill man. came for a 5 piece meal, fries and spirte
>FUCK SHIT NIGGA JUST FUCKING SAY SO
>takes 20 minutes to smoke a blunt in the back then come back and bag my food which is just in the warmer
>make my way out in a hurry
>realize i didnt even get my drink

>go to jollibee
>clean storefront
>someone is sweeping the floor when i come in
>go to counter, there is 5' foot brown qt there
>hello sir and welcome to jollibee! what would you like?
>dat politeness
>dat accent
>dat smile
>order a bucket, half spicy half normal
>ok sir please pick up your food over there! and have a nice day!
>food promptly prepared and ready
>as i leave, the person sweeping the floor smiles and wishes me have a good day

it doesn't even matter if jollibee chicken is better or worse (it's better than KFC/popeyes), just having a polite normal person at the counter makes me a loyal jollibee customer for life.

>>18107093
This shit here. Filipinos are some of the friendliest people ever.

>but anon they're only nice to you because you're white

I do not give a shit.

>>18107093
Me on the left

Who the fuck keeps shilling this?
t. asian spic

>>18093879
You shit your pants.

>>18107486
I do this anyway

>>18093879
I lost my virginity to Tony Tan's (founder and owner of JolliBee) niece. Back in 2006. We dated for a year. No lie. She lived in Frankfort, Illinois. Tony Tan's brother is her dad. He owned part of the company but was a urologist by trade. Tony Tan is a billionaire but his brother and my ex were multimillionaires because of that shitty ass jungle monkey slop.

>>18093879
Jollibee is fucking awful, but at least my gf is a cheap date

>>18107443

we're fake friendly but that works in a professional setting like fast food. just so long as you're white and civilized you're welcome. and that's why jollibee will be huge but won't take over. we keep the riff raff out and people that are sick of basketball americans and crack addicts and other ghetto riff raff will come. ultimately that's the biggest thing going for jollibees, qt short stacks calling you sir instead of every fast food outing being a roll of the dice on whether or not today is the day you get culturally enriched.

>>18098791
What even is BPD? Is it when their personality flips on a dime?

>>18110060
borderline personality disorder. bipolar swings take far longer (think days to weeks) to occur

>>18094018
keko

>>18110048
God bless you people

>>18110070
Bipolar is entirely different. Bdp is just a reason to be a scum

>>18093879
Sounds like some gassy sex with a Filipina. Bedsheets smell appalling

>>18110048
if everyone in the world was fake friendly, the world would be a more civil place

>>18093879
that is too much food for normal sized people to eat before sex. you are a sweaty bloater and have a fat smelly gf.

>>18095169
kek

>>18107455
Nice eyebrows

>>18093879
>Jollibee
shooo! shooo! Be gone with your pagpag!

>>18106159

>>18107093
>>dat accent
South East Asians have the most insufferable accent in the world, even worse than Indians. I can’t even be around them when they’re talking because it gives me headaches.

>>18093879
No Jollibee in my state. Thankful for small favors.

>>18098823
Not true? Dated all kinds senpai. Go for bisexual ones, they like more variety.

>>18094047
I laughed everyone before me is a fag and should touch grass