/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>waitress comes to take our orders
>try order meal X
>get told that they're out of meal X
>anxiously flip through the menu to find something else

>insist that we eat inside so that the passersby wouldn't get to stare at me while I'm eating

>ask others to deliberately look away whenever I take a bite

>accidentally calling the waitress Mom when asking for cutlery in front of boss and coworkers
>calling Mom again when asking for a drink refill
Currently looking for new employment

>working as waiter
>only ever ask "is everything alright" when they have a mouthful of food
>all they can do is nod their head awkwardly while covering their mouths

>>18003856
Lost

>at a restaurent
>telling a story
>friend while laughing says I'm a funny guy
>I ask "funny how"?
>awkward silence
>press him and ask if I'm like a clown, if I exist to amuse him
>entire restuarant goes silent

>>18003630
>tell waitress she's cute
>run away before she comes again

>>18004054
They usually only cum once and only the first time you tell them.

Can I get *points to desired item on menu* that

>>18003856
Jesus Christ anon find a new job or just an hero there’s no coming back from that

>>18004067
>can I get
This is the most offensively retarded low IQ subhuman speak that’s ever used in restaurants. When I hear someone say this I know they’re retarded. Even well educated white and yellow people who earn 7 figures a year say “can I get”. It’s disgusting.

>>18003638
You can avoid this by having a backup ready

Source: I'm equally autistic

>>18004087
What do you say? I always say "I'd like the ________, please" but I think it sounds a bit stiff and formal sometimes

>>18004035
funny

>sitting at a restaurant table
>telling a story
>waitress comes to take the plates
>briefly stop the story to thank her
>continue on
>mfw nfw

>>18004087
>people with million dollar a year jobs say <x>
>but it's for low IQ retards

????

>>18004128
Different variations of “May I have______,”

>>18004190
Fair enough, I'll use that. I'm not as against "can I have" as you are but I agree May I does sound better

Shit like "Could care less" pisses me off a lot though

>>18004126
damn you're good, I usually pick the first decentish thing I can read completely after the initial anxiety died down a bit

>waitress brings menu
Thank you!
>takes order
Thanks
>brings drinks
Thank you!
>brings cutlery
Thanks
>puts food in front of me
Thank you! *nod*
>asks how the food is
Great thanks!
>asks if I'm finished
Yes, thank you
>asks if I want the desert menu or a cup of cofee
No thanks, I'd like the bill please
>gives bill
*nod*
>takes away bill
Thank you, have a great evening!

No wonder I can never do an evil playthrough of any game

>>18004128
"I'll have..."

The most autistic thing I've ever said to a waitress was when I asked for something on the menu and she said they were out of it and then I quickly said
>why is it on the menu if you're out of it?

>>18004282
Inaccirate. You might expect to receive it, but at that point you don't know for certain that you will have it.

>>18004190
>Can I get the _____?
>I don't know, can you????

>>18004128
"I'll do the ______."

>>18004353
you're going to do the duck breats whilst everyone in the restaurant can see you? How have you not been arrested yet?

>>18003630
>in public literally anywhere
>browsing 4chan
>shut phone off anytime anyone at all comes within view

I even do this at home.

>>18004087
I say "I'll do the..."
How's that?

>>18004232
Yeah, it usually works. I absolutely hate that moment where everyone is looking at you after your thing on the menu is out so I pick something else just to avoid that

I usually try and get something that wouldn't have a similar ingredient, though that's probably not necessary. Like if I want a steak I won't pick a different steak as a backup, I go for a burger or something. It's probably unnecessary though because it's rare they're completely out of all kinds of steak rather than just the one type I picked.

>>18004467
While I don't use Can I get, I don't really get why we're all trying to impress this guy

>>18004452
>browsing blue board
>niko's asshole on the catalog as someone looks at your screen
it's for the best to put up with twitter or something else when bored in public

>>18004322
slave morality. I will have it

>>18004489
For me it's the ads

>waitress brings my order
>"have a great meal!"
>"you too"

>>18004132
"funny" how?

>>18004087
>May I please have _______

where the fuck are everyone's manners

>>18004265
>Can I get you anything
No, thank you.

>>18004571
>>18004128
Hey, I said please

>>18004571
Vanished in the last 15 years or so. Now everyone says “can I get” like a 13 year old ghetto princess ordering a poverty meal deep fried Oriental delicacies from the local Chinese restaurant that has bullet proof glass barriers.

>he doesn't look up the menu beforehand and practice ordering in the mirror

>>18003643
>In halfway house because skitzo
>refuse to eat while others are in kitchen or take my food outside to eat in peace

>>18004475
Only one in this thread that with a 3 figure IQ

>>18003630
>>18003643
literally me

>>18004327
Well I don’t know if you’re out of it, may I get a better attitude from you before I shit on the table and piss on the bar?

>>18004452
>anxiously switch to the weather app

>>18004128
"Let me get"

>>18004610
>he doesn't write out what to say first along with extra responses in case they're out of something
ngmi

>>18004128
You have to be assertive

"I will be having the ____"

That's how you win and make the bitch waitress wetter than a dog in a monsoon.

>>18003938
you are a menace to society

>>18004600
You are the definition of weaponised autism

>>18004691
kek, I know the weather on an almost hourly basis because of this

>>18004696
“Let me get” is nearly as bad as “can I get”, especially when it’s slurred out as “Lemmegetta”. Get you a nice mobility scooter and drive off a pier, please.

>Go to vietnames restaurant
>see what I want but cant pronounce it
>apologize to the asian waiter and say I would like this one but i dont know how to pronounce it
>waiter gets snide and says he doesnt know how to pronounce it either
>later I napalm his gook viliage

>>18004087
Agreed.
>these replies
Can I have, lads. Can I have.

Gimme the _____, and make it snappy.

>>18004772
>I don’t know, can you?
“May I have”,not “Can I have”, lad.

>>18003650
kek

>>18003856
what the fuck

>>18004087
>>18004190
Based grammatical manner lads.

>>18004758
Alright, anon.

>>18003630
>sitting at a restaurant table
>telling a story
>lose interest in telling it halfway through

>>18003638
>everyone is giving you a blank stare while your sweaty plams search frantically thru the menu and your pockets gush with spaghetti

>>18004788
I called the boomer waitress Mom like three times. Not hard to understand.
>may I have a knife please, mom
>thank you, mom
>may I have another drink, mom
I was sober but really nervous to be eating in public with my boss and coworkers. Now they I’m sure they think

>>18004035
my favorite episode

>>18004758
No you didn't

>>18003856
>>18004816
Should have just doubled down and then told your coworkers that she was your mom after she left

>Order steak medium
>Comes rare
>Don't want to be an inconvenience for waitress and BoH
>Eat it anyway

>>18004316
That unfortunately comes off as whiny entitlement rather than autism, even if it came from a place of innocent autism.

>>18004884
it doesn't make sense
why would they put an item on the menu if they don't have it?
if they don't have it then why is it on the menu
that's what my autism was getting at

>>18004883
I have never spoken up about dishes unless they completely forget it

>>18004893
Yeah I get the intent, but it comes off as a complaint rather than genuine confusion. Depending a bit on your tone I guess.

>>18004904
What's wrong with complaining? If I go to a restaurant with the intent of getting a specific dish, I have a right to be pissed if they "ran out of it". If something on the menu is unavailable long term, they should fucking remove it from the menu (they don't have to make new menus, just cross it out). If it's something they just ran out of that day, it's the server's responsibility to tell me that before I order anything.

>>18004087
"gimme dat uuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh _____ aight? and the uuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh _____ too and gimme a uuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh _____ you got all dat?"

>>18004943
People generally understand that complaining is pointless in cases like this because occasional shortages of certain items are accepted as inevitable and the server can't do anything about supply chain issues.
If it's recurring then forwarding a complaint to management is of course entirely reasonable.

>>18004067
I say "gimme" and tap my finger insistently on the menu item.

>Order a dish
>They bring me the wrong food
>Eat it anyway because I don't want to be difficult
>Waitress comes back with my plate and says she brought the wrong food the first time, wants to take it back

>>18005020
>>18004897
>>18004883
The curse of being in the service industry.

>>18004128
"I'll get the ___"
Is what I do

>>18003638
Whenever this happens I just say "surprise me"

>>18005059
“When will you be getting this?” Is the proper response for such a boneheaded way to order something.

>>18004265
I just do this reflexively to all service staff. It's actually the polite thing to do instead of ignoring them and just taking whatever or flatly stating things. "Please and thank you" isn't drilled into your head for no reason, otherwise you come across as a dick.

>>18004893
They may be out of it that day

>go to the restaurant alone and the waitress asks if everything is OK
>realizes I'm just struggling to be out in public
>says to take my time and that everything is gonna be OK.
>she sits next to me and shows me a couple of menu items she thinks I'll like
>I pick out by pointing
>she giggles when I clap my hands to celebrate
>blurt out "you are a very pretty lady!"
>she giggles again, I clap my hands
>she gives me good friendly service
>gives me a smile at the end of the meal
>I pay the bill with MASTERCARD all by myself and she looks impressed
>TFW I suddenly get shy, blush and scurry out of the restaurant before I can ask her out!!!

The older I get I really cut the shit with the wait staff. I say I would like whatever please. When the food comes and they ask is there anything else I can get you. I say please bring me another water, a to go box and the bill when you get a chance

>>18005135
How much did you tip?

>>18004265
>waitress brings menu
(...)
>takes order
"ok"
>brings drinks
(...)
>brings cutlery
(...)
>puts food in front of me
"alright"
>asks how the food is
"good"
>asks if I'm finished
"uh huh"
>asks if I want the desert menu or a cup of cofee
"uhh no."
>gives bill
"ok"
>takes away bill
"uh huh"

>>18004087
Shut up you gigantic pissbabu

>>18003630
Isn't this just normal behaviour?

>>18003938
>be cook
>find ways to cook food incorrectly for when a servers mad at their table
>usually its something like making a chicken breast so dry it makes the guest want to kill themselves
>every time guest loves my culinary insults to god
it is our mission as food service losers to fuck with guests we dont like without them knowing

>>18005135
>follow her home
>break into her house
>cut off her head with a steak knife

Best thread

>>18003638
whenever this happens I just leave
you don’t settle for stuff you don’t want, and looks macho to dates

>>18005559
Do you leave your date at the restaurant?

>>18004265
I’m always saying please, thank you, and I appreciate it to pretty much anyone who is nice to me or helps me out. You have to be a really sour cunt for me to not be nice to you

>keep drinking water because its a hot day and I'm thirsty
>waitress gives up and leaves the water pitcher on my table

>>18003630
>sitting at a restaurant table
>talking to no one because I went there alone

>>18004653
>that with

>>18004735
you can't act all snooty and then say "get you", you fucking faggot cunt

>>18005135
lol

>>18003638
When this happens I always ask
>Then why is it on the menu?

>>18003938
I much rather nod my head and get you on your way than waste my breath speaking to you.

>Aunt says we're all going out to a restaurant dinner on a family holiday
>But I just turned 18 and could make my own decisions
>I say "no" and stay in to order pizza up to my hotel unit
>she spends 20 minutes yelling at my mum to make me go
>mum says she can't do anything to change my mind
>cousins realize they're adults and stay home too
>get to trade a few slices of pizza for some curry
>the knock on effects of my tiny rebellion would lead to my aunt spiraling into madness over the years
>turns out no one wanted to go out to dinner with her ever
>no more family holidays either
>but all the cousins still visit me

>>18005766
Fuck I wish I had cousins hot for me.

>Waiter wants to take my order
>I'll have a [Insert Meal Here]. Thank you!
>Instinctively do a little head bow
>I'm not even asian

>>18004600
Can I get a reprieve from you bring a whiny cunt? Thanks.

>>18004087
Gimme the Your Wife’s Cunt.

>>18003643
i eat outside so that I can stare at all the weirdos and hotties passing

>>18003630
>be at a sketchy italian place in brooklyn new york
>out of no where yell out BADDA BING
>some fat guy in a greasy tanktop on a balcony across the street yells BADDA BOOM

>>18004893
A restaurant doesn't have an infinite amount of every ingredient. If an item is popular they may run out of it before you get there. They will be unable to serve you that item until their next shipment of ingredients.

>>18005896
No. She's a virgin and is going to stay that way.

>>18003630
>sitting at restaurant table
>ask for extra parmajohnnn
>waiter starts grating it over my plate
>'tell me when to stop'
>he grates
>and grates
>and grates some more
>I say nothing
>1000 yard start in my dates soul
>grating keeps on
>cheese starts spilling over the edge of my plate
>waiter starts trembling
>date breaks eye contact and starts sweating
>she mumbles 'im not in the mood for this anon'
>gets up and leaves
>waiter still grating
>get thrown out by bouncer

>>18004190
>>18004231
>>18004128
>>18004087
"For me it will be _________"

>>18004316
>at mcdicks
>i'll have a 6 piece mcnuggets
>sorry sir we're out of those
>oh that's fine I'll have a 9 piece then
>brain loading

>telling a story to friends at a restaurant
>they love it, it's one of my good ones
>uproarious laughter all around
>suddenly get up in the middle
>walk out of the restaurant
>go to my car
>I start driving
>I keep driving
>ignore all of their phone calls and text messages
>I make it to the next state over
>Live out of my car for a couple months while I earn money and establish a new identity
>make friends
>we go out to eat
>telling a story to friends at the restaurant

>>18005883
I do the same thing. I just laugh it off and tell people I lived in Japan for a couple of years and the habit stuck. I didn't.

>>18005898
this

>>18005135
I lol'd

>>18003638
>i want the chicken burger and gravy fries
>we are out of chicken
>ok *gets up and leaves*

>>18005580
if she doesnt follow you she's not worth the effort.

>>18004553
>yes i do think you are a clown thats why i hang out with you because you only matter to me if you make me laugh.

>>18005890
I don’t know. Can you?

>>18006025
People like you are the reason my boss spergs when we have to 86 something. Please just order something else.

>>18006091
fuck off wagie.

>>18003630
>Giving out a piercing inhuman screech to call out the waiter

>>18006096
please don't bully I'm going to school and work 50 hours a week

>>18006100
you will get farther in life if you drop school and work 2 50 hour a week jobs in industries that will always need workers. getting a degree or even a masters can will lump you with debt and you will still put put into some low end job.

>>18005935
lmao come on

>>18005148
Ermantraut hands typed this post

>>18005903
wtf i love fat people now

>>18003938
I just give em one of these

>>18004943
Fag

>>18004087
You work as a waiter yet call others retarded?

>>18005135
Based

>>18005903

>>18005923
Damn this nigga classy

>>18004687
Chad

>>18003638
"I'm sorry sir; we're out of meal X, but depending on what you're going for, I can recommend meal Y. Or perhaps meal Z? They're quite similar."
>settle for one of those
>end up enjoying it even more than meal X
>leave generous tip

>>18005715
It's called "being patronizing", and is entirely in keeping with snootiness.

>>18005883
Same as well, I just own it

>>18005772
Right? The mischief we could have gotten up to as kids...
I have one little pixie of a cousin who lives on the oppoosite side of the country, whom we only see every few years. After the last wedding when we saw her, even my sisters were remarking how fine her ass looked in that little black dress.

>>18005903

>>18006034
gottem

>>18006130
>drop school
>can will
>put put

>>18004087
I say “I’ll have the ____ please”

>>18006714
>spelling error = everything said is wrong
>say thing that is opposite of everything i am currently doing = wrong
ok retard, oh and yeh i will have fries with that.

>>18005903

>>18004699
>be assertive
>by using the future imperfect
kek

>>18005069
>surprise me
>they put in an order for the most expensive thing on the menu to ensure their tip is the highest

>>18006776
it's just an indication that you're retarded and should be ignored

>>18005921
Funny

>>18005135
Holesome

>>18005766
You should be ashamed

>>18005919
Based

>>18006714
Based pedantic chad

>>18005629
If this happens I leave a big tip.

>>18003856
must be nice having a mom that feeds and clothes you

>>18004467
that makes it sound like you're going to 'do' your food though anon. And I can't countenance such a thing

>>18003630
>Go to eat alone
>Waitress visibly confused get seated at the front
>>4 different waitress approach me to ask if I'm waiting for someone
>Meal comes with the check

>waitress brings the menu
Don't look at it
>Are you ready to order
Not yet
>Comes back
>Sir are you ready to order?
Not yet
>Comes back again
>Can I take your order?
No thank you
>Sir you need to order something to seat here
Cause a scene

>waitress recommends me her favourite dish
Ok, thanks, I didn't really ask you or need to know

>>18004128
I hereby demand the following:

>>18007563
>Go to eat alone
>Sit at bar
>Chat with bartender a bit as I get my order in
>Sit quietly and watch the TV while sipping my beer
>Bartender doesn't bother me and I have a peaceful meal

>>18005629
You don't simply ask them to leave the pitcher in the first place? Anon c'mon

>>18004087
I say "give me __" because i'm not asking im paying for this food give it to me

As a server, "can I get X" is the standard. Not sure what people are so upset about.

Anything else like "I will have the", "I'd like the", etc sound weird forced and unnatural. As a server I almost never hear alternatives and if I do it's usually from creepy men who are there by themselves that give off creepy vibes or even ogle me. It's actually a huge red flag for me if someone orders without saying "can I get X"

>>18005931
Kek

>>18005766
Based, I hate narcissistic women that nobody will stand up to for no reason

>>18007785
thanks for the heads up, going to try new ways to order food now instead of
>can I get a

>>18004571
I say this

>>18005682
>brother visiting with his wife and kids
>go to pick up takeout
>brother comes with me to get a break from kids after being stuck in car with them for 4 hours
>cashier says "you brought a friend!"

>>18004087
>>18004128
I SHALL HAVE THE _______

>>18007785
How’s Detroit this time of year?

>>18004087
you tools keep posting your secrets and we'll exploit every last bit of it and share every secret as much as we can. the tip racket will come to an end.

>>18004897
>O'Charleys
>waitress doesn't speak English as a first language
>height of pandemic but restaurants open
>obvious staff shortage
>to-go orders piling up at the doors
>order a margarita
>it's a cup of tequila and two shots of triple sec
>house forgets half our order
>food isn't terrible
>waitress forgets my water
>bill is charged for a margarita and an appetizer
>free meal
>leave no tip
i always say I'll have... good to know that waiters judge you based on how you ask. i'll make sure to look into that.

>>18007592
Neurotic.

>>18004087
>I think, today, I'll try the ______

>>18007785
I say "Im gonna do x" and I stare directly in to the waitresses eyes

>>18008713
I didn’t imply I work or have worked in a restaurant.

> ctrl-f "can I please have"
> no results

>hmm between A and B, what would you recommend?
>oh definitely B, it's my favourite because etc etc
>oh that sounds good. I'll get A

I do this a lot

>>18007785

>>18008984
Now THIS is comedy

“I would like the ___ if I could.”
”Good choice it’s super delicious!”
>waitress flashes me a smile
>turns around and walks off without taking any other orders
>lifts her skirt up to show her ass as she walks
>comes back moments later saying we don’t have ___ in the fridge
”that’s ok mom just rustle me up some eggs ;)”
>dad stares at us the whole time
>I smile back
cuck

>tip the waitress 0
>she follows me outside
>tell her i'll tip her if she gives me her number
>we fuck

>order something
>ask for no tomatoes
>asks if I'm allergic
>"no just a big baby about my food"
what was i thinking

>>18009127
based honest chad

>>18007399
if you are a mutt then yes my advice will make you homeless and poor. if you live in a real country then it is great advice.

>>18007396
>tip

>>18008984
>hmm between A and B, what would you recommend?
>oh definitely B, it's my favourite because etc etc
>ok what about between C and D?
>do this for the whole menu
>when you get to the end just get up and leave and leave an online 1 star review saying the staff keep telling you what to order and harass you too much.

>>18003650
>>18003856

>>18008984
>"I can't decide between A or B, what do you prefer?"
>"They're both good but it has to be A"
>"Thanks! I'll get C."

Keep em guessing, anon.

>>18005923
The McChicken ___ ____ _________ ________.

>>18009091
>start a new job
>go out with a dozen guys from work
>It's "tradition" that the new guy has to pay
>pissed me off but OK
>end up going to a fancy restaurant and I already know it's gonna be expensive
>they order all kinds of shit, I'm seething
>one asshole in particular is deliberately running up the bill
>sends a bottle of champagne to a table of MILFs
>orders Lyonnaise potatoes and doesn't even touch them
>bill comes
>it's fucking $1,150
>leave $1200 in cash and we all leave
>waiter follows me out into the parking lot
>it's 1 AM and it's just me, him and that asshole that was running up the bill earlier
>says my tip of $50 was insulting
>starts going off about how hard he works
>tell him to calm down
>tells me to go gamble my money away and calls me an asshole
>suddenly drops to the ground
>starts having a seizure
>don't they have some kind of medicine they're supposed to take, these assholes?
>asshole who ran up the bill then runs over and swipes the waiter's checkbook with my $1,200 and then drives off
Fucking worst dinner ever

>doing spicy wing challenge
>lock eyes with a cute waittress
>wave at her with a drumstick with sauce and tears running down my face

>>18009517
>spicy wing
>drumstick
Now hold on, something isn't adding up. Did you mean drumette? No, no, of course not, you're posting on a food and cooking board, you'd know a drumette from a drumstick. It's just not adding up for me, can you help me out?

>>18009527

>eating at a restaurant I know I'll never revisit
>"accidentally" knock all my dishes over and leave the waiter a 100% tip

>>18007680
yeah it's proper to say "Leave the pitcher BITCH"

>>18007580
YOU'RE SHITTING YOURSELF

>stop at door on my way out
>scream at the top of my lungs for exactly 5 seconds and leave

>>18009463
kek if true

>>18003638
>>18003643
>>18003650
): this is why i don't go anywhere

>>18005135
i want to cry

>>18009127
anon there's literally nothing wrong with this

>>18009569
That's actually a long time to scream

>>18009127
Based

>>18003638
That’s never happened to me before

>>18005923
If you're are alone you sounds ratarded

>>18004128
Hey man how yah doing? Can I please have...

>raised in a retirement home
>down the hill was the only restaurant in town
>when young, the woman who raised me and I would walk down and up the hill together to dine in
>as I got older so did she, eventually have to walk down and up the hill to get the order to go
>a lot of the old people sitting outside of the home would hand me cash and tell me their orders
>go down and up the hill at least once a week for a period of years
>the owner, multiple staff, and even regular customers paid for our meals multiple times because they knew who I was
>didn't even have to talk when I went inside, the just saw me and would tell the cooks what to start making
>eventually my biological parents move state and are legally forced to take me, leaving the old woman in the retirement home alone
>Over the last 9 years, routinely fly back, the staff always greeted me warmly and remembered my order
>The woman who raised me is no longer there, have no reason to visit anymore
>Still think about buying a plane ticket every now and then just to taste it
I hope Heaven is real so that it's just her and I walking down that hill to get a bite to eat. I'd give up anything just for that again.

>>18009532
of course! how could i not see that. thanks for clearing that up with me.

>in seventh grade, taking Spanish for the first time
>Dad takes me to Mexican restaurant
>says we have to only order in Spanish to help me practice
>u-um quiero los enchiladas por favor
>feeling pretty good
>dad orders
>"Tres beef-o tacos and a Coke-o por favor"
>waiter stares for a moment, writes down the order and leaves
>tell my dad you can't just stick an o on the end of a word and call it Spanish
>he assures me it's the Aztecan dialect
>stare fixedly at the table whenever the waiter comes back
>next week
>at Chinese restaurant
>"please-o give-o me the orange-o chicken-o, por favor"

>>18004134
Literally me

>>18009699
>spanish
>Aztecan dialect
AHAHAHAHAH
You got me man!

>>18009670
edit: Thanks for the gold, kind stranger!

>don't look at the menu
>staff comes to take the order
>"Please just give me your favorite meal, don't even tell me what it is, surprise me"
>They are confused, ask what I'm into
>"No, it isn't about me, it's about you. Just bring me your favorite meal. I don't care what it is."
>Often times eat for free as a result of taking an interest in what the server thinks

>order a burger
>take it to the bathroom and cum on it
>tell the waitress I want a new burger because this one has cum on it

Zoomer here

Sometimes I fantasize about growing up in a cozy Pacific Northwest town in the 90s. With a quirky tomboy best friends I go on adventures with and hangout and video rental shops and pizza huts like this. We'd begin dating junior senior year and we'd break-up in college.

In real life I live in a shit city apartment with my mom and her bf and all my friends are men that play starcraft.

>>18009611
why do I feel like a goober then

>>18009670

>>18009744
Move out as soon as feasibly possible. Get a 15$/hr job and find a cheap shitty apartment somewhere far in the countryside. Meet a few friends and go on adventures.

Its still possible anon

>>18009670
your gf 100% cheats on you

>>18009753
It’s over. Don’t give him false hope. The world he’s nostalgic for is dead. Best hope for him now is to troon out and find an older man to take care of her for life.

>>18004126
Impressively autistic. But I may use that.

>>18005919
based goatfucker

>>18009735
>order your favorite meal for me that you cant eat because you have to wage slave for another 7 hours and are too poor to actually afford this meal
they 100% filled that meal with spit anon.

>>18009753
>apartment
>countryside
Which town in Los Angeles do you live in?

>>18009744
Wow this was actually the childhood I live except in Texas. I'd like to cheer you up and say it wasn't what you're making it out to be but it was. I cherish it. Almost like a movie now. Sad to think that's what zoomers fantasize about now. Never got the girl if it's any consolation.

>>18009814
You'd think that but in reality they're mostly lonely milfs absolutely delighted someone respects and trusts their opinion, I've never seen waitresses open up and be as nice as when I just put my entire dining experience in their hands.

>>18004610
>>18004696
literally me.

>>18007650
this sounds comfy as fuck

>>18009820
are you seriously implying apartment complexes don't exist outside of big cities? Are you high or just retarded?

>>18007399
If your worried about your spelling or grammar here you are an idiot.

>>18009832
>>18009735
this sounds too good to be true.

>>18007634
Yes milord.

>>18004087
>After a thorough perusing of the menu, I have come to the conclusion that for tonight’s dinner I would very much like to enjoy _____, thank you very much for taking my order and I will see you again when you once again return to my table. God bless.

>>18009883
Try it. You need to not look like a jaded, miserable cunt when you do it, obviously, so I recommend eating out with a friend and ordering last.

>>18003650
I think you're cute anon. Keep your chin up!

>>18009463
YTA for not punching the imaginary waiter in the face

>>18009431
>"I can't decide between A or B, what do you prefer?"
>"They're both good but it has to be A"
>Draw your handgun
>"I'll have what I'm having."
>Shoot random passerby
>Run

>>18009699
your dad sounds based as fuck

>>18009463
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MrQwN8JorDk

>>18009843
I live in a town of 10k and we have exactly one, a fourplex on one side of town which was full when I last checked.
At least around here, once a town is small enough people just rent out houses, with the rent usually being twice as much. This is likely due to the housing supply being at a relative equilibrium in most places, if not declining due to people moving to urban areas for jobs.

>>18010242
holy shit
That's unbelievable. A 20 year old TV show had a scene that is eerily similar to my night? WTF bros. I feel like I'm dreaming.

>>18003650
Lel my best friend used to do this when we were in school or he'd turn his whole head to face away from us when he took a bite

>>18004519
Ads?

>>18003630

>>18004353
Fellatio

>ask the waiter what they thought they deserved as tip at the end of meal
>pay what they say

>>18010659
I get the feeling this is a thing some people do but I cannot for the life of me figure out why one would do this beyond being really interested in what the waiter has to say on the subject.
Which I think is being too optimistic.

>>18010701
I was just bored at the time. I asked polite, but it can easily be made into an uncomfortable situation putting the shoe on the other foot.

>>18010719
Ah ok, good on you

>>18004035
Why you laugh?
Am I joke?
Am I joke to you?

>>18004282
Two number 9s

>>18009463
>>18009670
I'll take shit that didn't happen for $500 Alex

>waitresses try to give me a shitty table out in the middle of the entire restaurant
>insist upon a seat in the back that's against the wall where I can watch everyone coming into the restaurant

>>18005148
wtf?

>>18011085
fuck off newfag

>at pizza place
>waitress comes over to ask me what i’ll be having
>”just the medium deep dish, please…”
>”that’s it?”
“y-yes please”
>”are you sure you don’t want a side :(“
>”no that’ll be all thanks”
>”are u sure?”
>a few seconds go buy
>feel bad
>”i’ll have the uhhh… fries please”
>”ok! :)”
>mfw

>>18004087
I'm a "Let's go with ____" kind of guy myself.
It's like both the waiter and I are venturing on this journey- I get to eat the food and they get to bring it to me.

>>18011433
you are weak.
i hate shit like this, like bitch i know you dont get commission on me buying more stuff.

>>18007785
shut up cunt
I will say what I fucking want

>>18011433
>direct eye contact and friendly smile
>Nope, that's all, thanks!
it's not that hard even for an autist like me

>>18004231
You could care less about shit like that

>>18011081
>If it's anything other than faux outrage/social anxiety it's not real
I hate this website

>>18003630
I once accidentally said grigio instead of gris when ordering a bottle of wine. The waiter corrected me.

>>18005898
I like to catcall the hotties with my mouth full. Crumbs jettisoning from my swollen mouth

>>18004819
Of what?

>>18004087
I don't care for that one either. I always say, "I would like the _______ "

>>18004128
If I'm at a casual cheap place I let the can I get rip

If I'm at somewhere nicer I just say "I'll try/have the __"

>>18004087
can I get the sex?

>>18007580
>>18009561
kek

>>18005135
best in thread

>>18009746
self-confidence

>>18009821
don't worry, it wasn't meant to be.

>>18011970
Of your life

>>18005135
She thought you were a retard lmao

>be a kid
>order pizza at shady place
>fucker literally puts a frozen pizza in the oven
>still eat it

>>18011472
this is even gayer than "can i get"

>>18005903
>on a balcony across the street
Kek

>>18005738
>because we can't just cross out items on the menu if we run out of ingredients one night, retard

>>18004571
t.

>>18012585
who are you quoting?

>>18004087
teacher on suicide watch

>>18005135
Huge dick energy

>>18009127
Based

>>18012591
He needs a mustache

>>18009699
Sounds like your dad is swimming in pussy, anon

>>18004897
they forgot my sausage side at breakfast this weekend but the whole meal the waiter had fucking disappeared. he only came back for the check and when i asked him to take it off the bill he said "you could have just told me and i would have grabbed it for you" like no shit dude i would have if he wasn't out back getting his ass pounded

>>18009814
Kek. When I ask for the waitress' favorite sometimes they stumble and tell me the most popular on the menu. Either they can't afford to eat there themselves or they know there are rats and roaches in the kitchen. I tip well and never return.

>>18011081
>500
they increased the prize amount of jeaopardy questions in 2001. the amounts are all even numbers, 200, 400, 600, 800 and 1000. the prizes are doubled in double jeoprady. also alex passed away in 2020, two years ago now.

>>18005408
>Such a bad cook that when he aims to fail he misses

>>18012772
Based retard

>>18004128
I say “can you make me _________ “

>go to restaurant with wife's parents
>typical diner food I think?
>her dad says something about a fresh mayonaise, i dont remember what i say something too also dont remember
>owner comes over and is clearly offended, says his wife is mexican and other shit i dont remember, no clue what is going on
>food comes out, mine (I think) is cold, like stone cold, so i dont eat it and make them refund it fearing they spit in my food
still to this day dont know wtf happened, I can't remember

>>18012896
Amazing story

>>18012896
huh?

>>18012896
You should be a professional storyteller bro

>>18004087
>I will ask you (for) ______ , please
sounds better in my language since the (for) is not there, in english its really imperative

>>18010498
>this meme
and that's why /ck/ is one of the best boards I browse, genius

>>18012896
this is one for the ages

>>18012896
ah, this story again

>>18004035
>tfw

>server comes by and makes small talk
>she mentions that she recently lost her mom
I laugh and say oh you know people die.
I immediately apologize and say I didn't mean to say that.
I have never eaten there again.

>>18004829
you couldn't eat your way out of a Vietnamese paper bag

>>18012970
Holy shit

>go to a restaurant with friends
>look up the menu online beforehand
>decide what to order
>waitress takes friends orders first
>friend orders the same thing I was going to
>panic and order something random instead even though I have no intention whatsoever of sharing food

>>18012970
Based retard

>new workplace
>Friday afterwork
>boss takes us to a fancy asian restaurant in the city centre
>order a Korean barbeque
>never had one before but expect some sort of mini grill/hot plate where I grill the food together with the rest of the table
>waiter arrives with a plate that contains beef, sauces, assortment of veggies and rice on the side
>slightly confused, ask him "how do I eat this?"
>he sighs slightly
>tells me that I can do it however I fancy, can try constructing rolls using salad leaves, beef and rice if I want to

I'm still not sure if I was retarded, the place itself didn't understand the concept or whether the waiter was a bit of a dick

>>18013064
Similar experience for me at a Vietnamese place, except i didn't ask, the owner just came up to me in the middle of the meal and told me I was eating it wrong

>>18013064
>order barbecue dish
>get barbecue dish
the audacity of that waiter

>go to embellished restaurant
>get the first course
>it's actually good
>get the second course
>kind of weird, but it's actually good
>get the third dessert course
>it's actually good
>tell everyone about decorated restaurant
>"it's actually good"
>kind of weird, but it worked

>>18013076
The plate was arranged in such a way that would imply manual grilling - beef on one side, veggies and salad on the other. Hence my question.

>>18013081
Forgot to add
>restaurant was enhanced
>told everyone it's actually good
>it worked

>Drop in on friend who is having a birny meal
>pull up a chair, tell the waiter to forget about me. >"i'Il go to the bar myself, ok?"
>She keens saving that he'll a don for me
>l eventuallv says sure whatever lIl have a 325 Dominic beer
>he returns I try and give him 52 dons
>she says he has opened a tab I says no l've got to not take the money
>"no!"
>now there is problem with brina the bill
>the hill is 5325 Antomatic 30% larne nartv
>I start an argument
>He won't back down
>I'm asked to stan aside to talk to the mananer >The mananer does the whole nedantic explaining
>l refuse to nav
>Thev call the sheriff I have to leave immediatelv
>I trust 3 dons on friends table
>Everybody is ashamed.

>>18013094
>anon gets confused when he's not served a big bowl of homogeneous sloppa

>>18013109
Mfw reading this

>>18003630
why wouldn't you do this?
kind of rude to keep going on like she's not even there, isn't it?

>>18013064
>>tells me that I can do it however I fancy,
in that case you should have ate it over his dead body.
disrespectful servers get the rope.
servers are supposed to serve, it's in the name.
I never tip these stupid fuckers for a reason.

>>18013144
servers are no longer human, they are below me

>>18009670
Who the fuck is raised in a retirement home? Fake af

>>18011305
???????

>>18012896
I think I seen this before. I don't remember but I think (maybe) I don't know

>>18013033
I could fuck your wife

>>18003630
>order a whole bottle of wine in a restaurant
>Sommelier fills glasses and walks away with the bottle
>order him to leave the bottle on the table while giving him the death stare

The fuck is wrong with some sommeliers? Don't try to make you're job more important by adding extra steps. I will fill my glass myself thank you.

when you're telling your little brother all about the based neonazi former methhead lawyer who just got banned from twitter again and the waitress comes by to see if you need anything so you have to stop talking to save your parents (who are paying for brunch) from being publicly embarrassed

>>18014129
you could not fuck your way out of a wet paper bag

>>18013049
>friend orders the same thing I was going to
why is this a problem?

>>18013116
i think the problem is that there was no grill. it was just a plate of stuff.

>>18014342
Oh I definitely could