/ck/ - Food & Cooking

Peanut butter and jelly sandwich with cap cod chips.

>>17675588
bowl of frosted flakes.

big mac

>>17675588
I'd poison him because royalties are cringe and deserve to die

>>17675588
Chili con carne, with kidney beans.

>>17675588

A cheeseburger, no toppings.

>>17675588
pizza

Cum ala king

>>17675588
A bomb.

>fantasized about opening a small stall in the middle ages that has a little time traveling portal where I can get bags of cheap ramen from in order to cook and sell to peasants

Ribs.

>>17675617
He orders you to be executed because people of his status is only allowed to consume meat and gout is status symbol.

>>17675588
1510 would be no new world foods, the hottest hot shit ingredients in 1510 England would have been rice and lemons.

However, all the ingredients needed to invent the sandwich are available at this time, but there is no garlic so no aioli.

>>17675588
He loved pies so would make him pie peas n gravy

>>17675588
Beef and cheese nachos

>>17675763
Are you Jewish, by any chance?

>>17675588
Catherine of Aragon

Garbage plate

>>17675588
take him to flavortown with some trashcan nachos smothered in donkey sauce

>>17675767
He'd love a rack of ribs

Chicken tendies and fries with ketchup.

>>17675788
What a faggot

thats funny bro I alwasy think about this scenario when I am eating something really good. I wish I could go back in time and let the people taste this.

If we are being realistic though, you would have to cook something with only ingredients they had at the time and location. Id probably do some smoked ribs with french fries.

>>17675763
Watch Isekai Shokudou/Izakaya

>>17675954
1510 they didn't have potatoes, or paprika, or garlic powder, so you'd have to make some kind of mustard ribs.

they didn't have mesquite wood either

a hamburger

Henry VIII would fucking destroy a munch box

>>17675645
Kings had people to sample their food before they ate it specifically for this reason dumbass. The taster guy falls over dead and the king has his royal buttrapist fuck you to death

>>17676208

Seriously? They didn’t have potato in England by the 1500s? Shocking dude

I figure I could find some good wood for smoking.

How do taste buds work? If someone from 2022 fed a piece of spicy pasta, for example, to a medieval King I'm pretty sure they would assume they've been poisoned because of the intense heat and flavour they've never ever tasted before, right? There's no way they'd enjoy it?

>>17676236
yeah came from the Americas, just introduced to Spain in the late 1500s

>>17676236
mfers are nothing but onion and carrot soup for like 1000 years

>>17676256
Parsnips, rutabaga, turnips etc. Potoatoes are poison like everything else from the new world ... White guilt or nigger zoomer fr fr no cap

>>17675588
He couldn't resist a sticky bun

pork marinated in cocacola
rootbeer float
broccoli and cheese
butternut squash soup
elotes

>>17675588
I’d make generic chinese takeout chicken. Fried chicken pieces, sweet, with a lot of spice, it’s gonna blow his mind

>>17676236
you could use apple wood, but you'd also have to know how to use a hearth and all the tools that go with it

>>17676240
They would have someone else taste some first. My clearly noble blood has blood memory of this.

pizza rolls

>>17676609
take ur meds

>>17676208
>mustard ribs.
One of the best kinds.

>>17676547
>>17676236
We currently use beech wood in Europe for smoking.
Never heard of anything else, weirdly you burgers don't seem to use it.

Did they have rice in 1500s?

i would make him a delicious mashed potato with a lot of butter and salt
and i would make him large meats to go with it roasted on a spit on a fire

>>17675588
Toast sandwich and tell him it's the future of his country's cuisine

cheeseburger with caramelized onions

>>17675588
I seriously doubt I could cook anything before the new world.
I'd be surprised if anyone posted something here that could be made without new world exports.

>>17676547
Would probably take 30 seconds to learn how to use, and smoking has been around longer than human civilisation

A bunch of sugar-coated almonds.

>>17675588
>What do you cook that blows his balls off?
Charcoal, nitrate, sulphur.

>>17676234
>slow acting poison like thallium
Taste tester will be fine for hours until it hits his lower intestines, and if the King is going to wait hours for his food to get cold then so be it.
Worst case it hits within an hour cause tester has empty stomach, by then I'll be shepherding out the 2nd or 3rd course while the King ravishes the 1st and I can escape during the turmoil.

>>17675810
too sloppy, off with his head

>>17675763

And then the Roman Catholic Church discovers your time traven secrets and you're burned at the stake for heresy and crimes against Christendom

>>17675588
fried chicken, pickles and slaw
beer battered fish and chips
blooming onion
turducken

>>17675655
He kills you because even though it's his first time trying it, he realizes that the beans are a useless addition for peasants who can't afford enough meat to fill the pot.

>>17675588
Crème brulée or any kind of pastry, nobles love that shit and it's good for showing off at other nobles

>>17675655
based

>>17677429
Actually, if I recall correctly, mushing all your food up as much as possible was considered a healthy thing in Medieval times.

>>17677480
>know-it-all
off with his head

A turds turducken

Your macaroni and cheese, dinosaur chicken nuggets, star sprinkled brownie, and chocolate milk, your grace.

>>17675588
The big problems I'm facing is that I don't have many of the staples of modern western cooking, the spice selection is strange and I'm still in the period where nobles like a lot of spice in their meal. So here's my tentative meal.
>Swan Stir fry
>Steak in a pepper sauce
>Sugar pie

>>17675840
Yes, why?

>>17676234
>tfw no buttrapist on payroll

Wuhan Bat Soup.

>>17675858
Kings expect presentation, not delicious peasant slop.

>>1767558

_smoked brisket. Gotta have the meats
_liver pie, with onions softened to maximum + cumin, pepper and nutmeg. I know liver sounds cheap but back in the days it was fit for a king.
_mini-cinammorolls with a strawberry applesauce dip

I, for one, will definitely settke for the then cheap salmon and whale meat

>>17675800
Garlic isnt new world.

>>17677701
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Garlic#Culinary

well this says it was exceedingly rare up until 1548 in England, so I guess you could get it for the king but I don't know how you would source it.

>>17677719
France had garlic since the crusades, so im pretty sure you could get it from there. The reason why a lot of spices werent available is because people were simply unaware of their existence.

>>17675588
Beef wellington

>>17675588
Either, Carbonara or Cheeseburger as both are doable given the ingredients available at the time. Cabonara would be harder but I tihnk its far to assume King Henry can get parm.

>>17675588
Apparently custard was his favourite food.
Fat bastard.

Let's face it, most of you guys would find a way to insult him and get killed off

>>17675588
>go back
>buy a double quarter pounder with a side of fries and a can of dr pepper
>the king takes a bite and starts orgasming uncontrollably because of sugar and msg

He looks like the kind of guy that would like to eat some buffalo wings. I wouldn't give him celery though, just a bigass side of blue cheese and tell him he can drink it. I don't give a fuck if it's gross, I want to live.

>>17675588
a pollo a la brasa (with no chili or soy sauce) with freench fries will satisfy his hunger

>>17677421
see, the thing that makes you an obvious narcissist is that you think you're special enough to get away with this shit.

as a legitimate cook I'm somewhat irritated to think he may actually like breaded fried chicken fingers the best too, just like everybody fucking else does

>>17676229
These bad bastards, poor bloke wont know what's hit him

>>17675588
I think a heavily curried meat is the optimal meal to serve. For wow factor, I'd try to do a whole ostrich, maybe he has never heard about them.

>>17675588
Baked ziti with a ceasar salad side + cheesy garlic bread

>>17677421
>I can escape during the turmoil.
Do you actually think you're dealing with retards? Thomas Cromwell would relish the opportunity to eviscerate you.

>>17677421
As a special honor, his Majesty appoints the newcomer, Sir Anon, as his personal taste tester and cook. It would be a grave insult to refuse.

>>17677730
or maybe they couldn't grow it in England until then?

>>17678236
OP said you're time travelling. Meaning you keep your knowledge. If france had garlic, there is a non zero chance that one merchant in fucking London may very well sell that, at the very least in powder form.

My point was that its just likely most brits just didnt know what the fuck garlic was in the first place. If you didnt know what it was, why would you buy it ?

>>17676673
moron

beans on toast. their food is garbage now, i have no ide why it's be better 500 years ago

>>17677998
Carbonara is a poor man's mean

Cheeseburgers would be basically him taking off the top bun, removing the lettuce, onion and tomato, and eating the patty with cheese on top.


Congrats, you served a bland ass beef patty with cheese to the king.

If i were to serve any kind of beef patty, it would definitely be bbq kofte. Possibly a meatloaf

>>17675588
Are we allowed to bring ingredients or no?

>>17676208
Garlic came to Europe via the FIRST crusades, and got to England before the 1430s as we have recipes fr then that include them.

Who told you otherwise?

>>17676665
Alder wood is commonly used in Germany, Denmark, Norway, and Sweden for sausages and other pork products.

>>17677462
There is no refrigeration available, not even an ice room. You would have to make this in the spring or winter.

>>17676236
Potatoes had to be discovered in villages in the mountains of Peru then modified to be palatable. It took until the 18th century for them to be widely used in Europe.

>>17675861
>donkey sauce

>>17679130
maybe the dragon's breath chili too, anything off the tex wasabi menu really

>>17678647
Well, if you could bring a single ingredient, what would it be?

>>17680055
Nikocado’s butt butter

>>17676673
yeah, in the Mediterranean. idk if they had it in England but they probably heard about it

>>17678102
this
Or a turducken

>>17680055
I'd bring those magic berries that fuck with your taste buds and get the king to eat a lemon, then be executed for being a sorcerer

>>17675588
Steak fajitas or some basic shit like that. Blow his mind.

>>17675588
I'd probably just shit on a plate so my affront gets me a swift, quick death, because fuck having the constant pressure of being HIS royal chef. Only long would it take you to satisfy him without fucking up once.

>>17677421
>I can get my hands on thallium
>I’m also so much smarter than they were back then
Yes, surely nobody would suspect the weirdo who was so clearly out of place.
Your faggot ass would be stopped the moment you tried to leave.
>I’d sneak just like in my video games
Lol no.

>>17680122
Executed? You’d be on his court. Remember, the man started his own religion just to divorce his wife

>>17677437
>not sneaking in a belt-fed machine gun and thousands of rounds of ammunition, just under the counter, ready to be used at any moment
I'll show them christcucks some real black magic if they ever try anything funny. I'm but a humble time travelling instant ramen merchant, don't fucking tread on me.

>>17680691
Just quote bible verses and say you’re on a mission from God, when you kill someone praise the Lord and quote a verse about smiting and voila, you’re a Holy Man

>>17675588
baklava
you cannot go wrong with it, and he will pay his absolute ass off for it because its "exotic"

>>17675588
I reckon he'd love a fat donner kebab with salad and sauce

>>17675588
a stew with lamb, okra and potatoes in tomato juice, with curry spices

>>17675588
Catholic pussies. I heard he liked them. At the beginning at least

>>17678641
>Cheeseburgers would basically be him dissecting the food according to my imagination
>congrats, you just served my imaginary scenario to the king
Except no, faggot.