/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>17659473
When we were growing up the first test of culinary skill was always frying an egg without burning it

>>17659473
Learn how to use the archive you deranged retard.

>>17659476
FPBP, practice frying eggs over-easy until you can consistently get it right. Or just keep eating your overcooked, unseasoned chicken and white rice.

>>17659473
As far as techniques and some other stuff 'Jacques Pepin Essentials': https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CshkecuFfMc
Like the other anon said, eggs are a start. The same can be said of rice, 'forgiving meats' like chicken thighs, steamed veggies.

>>17659473
>I am a /fit/izen and I want to learn how to cook.
EZ:
>chicken breast
Microwave until white.
>broccoli
Eat raw or microwave as you please
>oats
Add water, microwave for one minute.
>gallon of milk
Refrigerate, drink cold, or mix with cooked oats.
>deenz
Eat on toast with hot sauce
>water
Drink from five-gallon jug, spilling copiously as you leave class.

>>17659494
Kek

>>17659476
>>17659492
>>17659481
What retard can't fry an egg? How do you think I survived so far?

>>17659473
>I'm from /fit/
STARVE

>>17659480
Thank you! But, why be mean?

>>17659473
>I want to learn how to cook. BUT WHERE AM I SUPPOSED TO START
Not here, this board is for
>advertising fast food
>pol bait
>blog posting your depressed life
>shilling youtubers
We finally eliminated all 'problematic' material including food discussion and cook alongs, don't expect anything useful in /ck/ ever again.

>>17659473
>What is the /ck/ equivalent to starter strength?
Buy a frying pan, a spatula, butter, milk, eggs, ketchup, and a pack of chicken flavor maruchan instant noodles. Microwave the noodles in water for 5 minutes and let it sit for 5 minutes. Put some butter and milk in the frying pan, put the pan on your stove, and turn your stove on medium high. Once the butter melts and the milk and butter start bubbling crack an egg on a flat counter top and pull the shell halves apart to drop the egg in the pan. Mix up the egg yolk and egg whites into the butter and milk with your spatula and turn off the stove once the scrambles eggs start to appear less liquid-like and more like scrambled eggs. Drain the instant noodle water, add the chicken flavor packet, add the scrambled eggs, and put ketchup on it. Then you're done.

>>17659505
We literally hate /fit/posters. Why?
>never, ever, ever read or lurk or go on the archive
>ask the same dumbass question thats been answered 100 times over
>don't learn even when you tell them what to do
>act like annoying fucking girls the whole time

Get more /fit/ you'll never get a gf because you just suck.

>>17659507
That and we have a janny deleting all of our board culture because he's a retarded nigger who never lurks here and so all the good posters are leaving because you can't get drunk and funpost anymore.
WHICH WAS HALF OF THE FUCKING BOARD.

>>17659511
Thank you!

Go back to /fat/. You cunts are literally the worst cross posters.

>>17659473
Fuck off, faggot.

>>17659526
>>17659524
>>17659514
Based

>>17659501
Alright m8, what sort of recipes are you looking for?
You gotta give us smth to go off of. Specific ingredients would help. Otherwise, trawl the mega: https://mega.nz/folder/VrgHmQTT#HEXDgmzBWRgSt-_M4hZhiA

I'll share some "/fit/ recipes" I also feed these to my dog

>>17659473
put shit in a pot
boil
walla

>>17659501
Have another recipe. I feed this to my cat when she is good.

>>17659514
If you had a sticky this wouldn't be a problem, retard. How the fuck is anyone supposed to know to check the archive if there isn't anyone telling them to do so? If you guys had a sticky than I guarantee you that /fit/ posting will go down by 1000%

>>17659501
Here's another "/fit/ recipe" -- I like to feed this to my dog as well. It's perfect for /fit/posters because they're either a filthy mongrel or a dumb bitch animal.

>>17659538
>How the fuck is anyone supposed to know to check the archive if there isn't anyone telling them to do so?
They aren't and we don't care.
How about you sticky this up your ass you tourist?

>>17659538
>im too dumb to check the archive and that's YOUR problem
no it is not you fucking retard, back you go, and whine LOUDLY about how much you hate us fuckface. don't come back.

>>17659531
I have no idea. My pantry just has 10 lbs of potatoes, a dozen cloves of garlic and a dozen onions. I own a small ranch so I have chicken,eggs, milk and beef. I just want the ability to turn my stuff into something that tastes good

>>17659473
Literally just apply heat to ingredients, my man.

>>17659538
Every time we talk about having a sticky it's an absolute shitshow like this thread. NOBODY even remotely agrees on cooking. There is no "basics for beginners". Posters are here to fight to the death over knife brands and manual coffee grinders.
If you want recipes, fucking google them. If you want autistic discourse, stay put.

>>17659551
It can't be that simple... Can it?

You can tell by the dumb info graphics in this thread that a sticky would just prove for certain that the vast majority of /ck/ has no idea how to cook.

>>17659558
It's mainly the opposite. We all know how to cook and this board is for being retarded on purpose.
I HATE THE JANITORS AND I HATE WHEN BLACKS DONT FUCKING TIP.
WHY CANT JEWS COOK ANY FOOD THAT ISNT THE COLOR OF A 90s COMPUTER?!

>>17659539
>>17659544
>>17659546
>>17659555
This board seems even more autistic than /fit/. How is that even possible?!

>>17659558
You like them? We have a booru full of this garbage but it's been locked for a couple years because the faggot running it got bored.
https://ck.booru.org/

>>17659473
>asking /ck/ for cooking advise
Anon...

>>17659561
/ck/ - Food & Food-related Autism

>>17659562
Wanna stick around and find out?

>>17659562
/ck/ - Internet Hate Machine

Have you considered adding deenz to your diet, OP?

on /ck/ you are expected to be born knowing how to cook and grow food and have 500k in the bank

>>17659567
I am scared of giving 4chan any more of my time. I look into the future and see a 60 year old man making retarded in-jokes that none of his family understand

>>17659575
>Being a banklet

>>17659568
>not Weissbier
9/10

>>17659558
>>17659563
To add to this, they're all mainly from /fit/posters who we did not drive off the board yet. Hence, nothing fucking works, it's all about INGREDIENTS without any techniques and there's no real instructions.
>well you didn't tell them
Yes we did, and that's what they made.
We have a janny too fucking young, faggoty, and retarded to know any board history and because of that, and all of the dumbass newfags, we keep having these shit threads.
/ck/ will never have a sticky because you would have to POST TOO MUCH SHIT.
>cheese
>wine
>techniques
>50 cultures different bullshit ways of doing X
>how to make scrambled eggs in 40 ways
>5000000 spice blend posts
>FOOD PAIRING POSTS x4 million
Fuck /fit/fags,
Fuck Jannies,
Fuck trannies,
Fuck tourists,
Fuck stickies and
fuck you, OP.

>>17659473
Read Modernist Cuisine and go from there. Any other starting point in the year of the Lord is antiquated and retarded.

>>17659581
I just wanted to know where to get started. :(

>>17659571
>>17659473
Canned sardine in tomato sauce 125g with onion on rice.
Fookin lush with some toast.

>I am a /fit/izen
fag

>>17659581
Scrambled eggs are easy my man, you just need about 8 ingredients and to always remember "on the heat, off the heat, stirring constantly" literally child's play.

>>17659558
the average user of this website is like 16

>>17659585
Oh. Right here.
>>17659584
https://www.discoverbooks.com/Modernist-Cuisine-The-Art-and-Science-of-Cooking-p/0982761007.htm

>>17659586
>deenz, beanz and rice
nice

>>17659593
I wanted German scrambled eggs not English you fucking cunt.

>>17659593
>8 ingredients for scrambled eggs
Anon, you just need eggs and some pepper. What the fuck are the other ingredients you're talking about?

>>17659595
Thank you! Give me a month of lurking and cooking. I will become the best shit poster that you have ever seen! o7

>>17659584
this book is a scam

>>17659514
Yikes. Who hurt you?
>>17659505
Don't listen to him bro :( he's just a meanie. Ome here, *hugs u and holds u close* all better :)

>>17659515
seriously what the fuck is wrong with that guy? al/ck/ is a fucking staple here.

>>17659599
>>17659598
Absolute egglets. If you want German scrambled eggs just throw them against a Polish radio tower and let the heat of the artillery cook them.
>Not having salt, pepper, chives, butter creme fraiche, cream, parsley, and a bullshit explanation to cook your scrambled eggs

>>17659599
milk, butter, bacon, cheese, spinach, salt, pepper, jackie chan

>>17659604
>>17659595
>trying to cook from that fucking nightmare

>>17659604
>A scam
>Gives no alternative

>>17659585
Ignore this >>17659595 faggot. Go to a used book store and find an old copy of the Betty Crocker cookbook. Now, while it may look like a "recipe book", you need to read it from cover to cover like it's an actual book. The Betty Crocker cookbook was originally written to teach half-literate housewives the basics and essentials of cooking. It goes through everything step by step with recipes along the way. It teaches terminology, techniques, butchering skills, spice/herb pairings, etc. with none of that fruity new age "cooking science" garbage" sold for fucking $399 AMERICAN DOLLARS.

Betty Crocker cookbook. Not a recipe book like your mom treats it.

>>17659514
>go on the archive
3 days of McChicken threads, real helpful

>>17659609
No fucking clue also
>WHERE TO POST ALCOHOL ON 4CHAN
>hahaha lel go to /b/ alcohol isn't food
Cocktails are only in every fucking cookbook. You know, food cookbooks. I hate the retard janny.

>>17659514
Dont forget them coming to this board every other week with their newest health bullshit like how seed oils will make their dicks fall of and sprout vaginas in its place instead

>>17659614
not my problem

>>17659616
Correct.
1. go on the archive, realize there is nothing
2. come back to /ck/ and whine
3. get told to fuck off
4. fuck off
It's part of the code flow.
>>17659618
>WILL EATING SEED OIL ONCE MAKE ME A RETARD
>has eaten seed oils his whole life
Well, perhaps...

>>17659616
Newfag detected. Nobody uses the on-site archive.

>>17659611
>milk
okay sure, makes it fluffy but I like to be a basic bitch
>butter
nah mate, I lube my pan with oil, less fats
>cheese
I only use cheese when I'm making omlettes
>spinach
you fokking wut mate?
>bacon
I have the bacon on the side along with a slice of toast
>salt
don't need salt if I have bacon
>pepper
yeah

>>17659615
>betty crocker
>the ENTIRE COOKBOOK is "add the mix"
>tell OP to go on a wild goose chase for the book
D E V I L I S H

ITT: /ck/ fatties mad that someone who exercises also likes food

>>17659629
/fit/ is a board for gays to cope about how looking at men and working out at a gym with other gays is going to help them be less gay
Now they want to come here and cook and complain like WOMEN. Because they are not men, they are gays who need to learn from others like a woman learns.

You know how I learned to cook? I taught myself.
You know how I learned to get fit?
I taught myself.

You are just embarrassing.

>>17659628
You've never actually read an original Betty Crocker cookbook, have you? They had entire chapters with diagrams on how to skin and gut the wild game your husband comes home with.

>>17659628
mark bittman then

>>17659635
That's the Davy Crockett cookbook idiot

>>17659505
>me lift weight
>how to egg?
>is potat fruit? spotter says yes
>shuld I marinate chicken in brotein powdah?
>is strifrying cardio?
>onion, garlic bad for moosecles

>>17659644
>>17659505
>how long do i wait after eating before i get gains
>how long do i wait after lift heavy thing before i eat
>do i ever stop eating
>do i ever start eating
>whats a recipe for putting protein powder in pancakes
>can i put protein powder in oatmeal
>can i put protein powder in an open wound
>can i put protein powder in my car's fuel tank
>this recipe didnt have all the steps, 'julienne the basil' bro i dont know a juliet
>what vegetables go on a salad
>nah fuck that whats the best sriracha for beef and rice
>how do i cook beef
>do i just, I don't know
>how do i google how to cook beef
>how do i look up on youtube the most basic things
>bro i just
>i dont know man
>is thinking cardio?

>>17659644
I think the most atrocious /fit/poster I've seen here was a guy who autistically called eggs "baby gainsbirds".

>>17659657
Everything wrong with fit in a single word wow.

>>17659657
for me it was a /fit/izen rolling chicken breasts into chicken breasts and calling it a roulade

>>17659473
Just look up some recipes you want to eat and cook them. Theres nothing else to it.
Don't try to do some fancy shit like flambé maybe on your first few tries or a roux but other than that you will be fine.

Cooking basic dishes is really not that complicated.
Where you might start to need some technique is if you want to go for shit like "traditional" foods where you dont want to cut corners with easier ingredients.
A carbonara for example doesnt use cream you thicken the sauce with the pasta water and an cheese + egg yolk mix. Its not hard but its likely harder than just making a nice steak.

>>17659473
>I am a /fit/izen

Cringe

>>17659657
>>/ck/thread/S13083398
>Do you eat gains bird babies on the side of your gains bird?
Another classic /ck/ spergout.

>>17659656
for real though who is this Julienne bitch and why is she gatekeeping my diet

>>17659632
this is my post and i just wanted to add that i am also trans if that matters

>>17659671
>fancy shit
>flambe
>roux
wut? one is tilting the pan after deglazing with booze and the other is equal parts fat and flour

>>17659679
>>17659632
I also wanted to add that I'm FTM trans. Not the other way.

>>17659681
Yeah and I guarantee you someone who needs to ask on goddamn /ck/ for starting pointers will burn his roux beyond belief and likely burn off his eyebrows while flambeeing

>>17659681
For us, yes. For the /fit/poster a flambe and a roux are both house fires.

>>17659683
also adding that my bones hurt and my pussy fell out

>>17659473
Literally just start cooking. The recipes are step by step instructions, dude.

>>17659689
also I had my pussy replaced with a robo-penis which has a small flamethrower. I'm over 7 feet tall so imagine.

>>17659501
You post on /fit/ we just naturally assumed that you get most of your nutrients from semen

>>17659561
>this board is for being retarded on purpose.
>heh, jokes on them, I was merely pretending

>>17659577
I’m 47 and you’re not too far off from my reality. They laugh at my weird comments but I don’t see any true mirth.

>>17659558
You couldn't tell that from the majority of threads being about fast food and debating the best junk foods?

>>17659774
>>17659577
It's easy, don't make jokes about 4chan shit IRL.

>>17659803
How the fuck do you even make a sticky on how to cook? It's such a vast subject.
>Toast
>Boiling water
>Power settings on your microwave
>Different functions on your oven
>10 ways to cook potatoes/eggs/cabbage
There is literally too much to cover.

>>17659805

>>17659809
This is the sticky