/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>17598172
You'll be fine by tomorrow

>>17598477
and free to do it all again

>>17598172
Idk, most people don't survive mozarella. I'd just give up.

>>17598172
At least it isn't ligma.

>>17598569
What's ligma?

>>17598172
>mozarella
How to spot a libcuck or a woman. It's called SALMONELLA, you fucking idiot. God, the West is falling.

>>17598591
ligma deez

>>17598591
Not much, you?

>>17598591
nigmagotem

>>17598607
but salmon isn't even the same type of animal as chicken

>>17598616
Salmon is a fish, libcuck or whore. Salmonella is a bacteria.

>>17598607
naw man thats gouda

>>17598607
Posts like these are a diamond dozen.

>>17598619
salmon is not a libcuck or whore, definitely a fishe. why would he eat bacteria? gross

>>17598635
Go back.

>>17598172
Oh no you've got mozerella? That doesn't sound too GOUDA

>>17598771
You sound like a fungi

>>17598607
>How to spot a libcuck or a woman. It's called SALMONELLA, you fucking idiot. God, the West is falling.

>>17598607
Who's Sal?

>>17598607
>>17598619
>>17598644
You need help

>>17598624
I hole-hardedly agree, but allow me to play doubles advocate here for a moment. For all intensive purposes I think you are wrong. In an age where false morals are a diamond dozen, true virtues are a blessing in the skies. We often put our false morality on a petal stool like a bunch of pre-Madonnas, but you all seem to be taking something very valuable for granite. So I ask of you to mustard up all the strength you can because it is a doggy dog world out there. Although there is some merit to what you are saying it seems like you have a huge ship on your shoulder. In your argument you seem to throw everything in but the kids Nsync, and even though you are having a feel day with this I am here to bring you back into reality. I have a sick sense when it comes to these types of things. It is almost spooky, because I cannot turn a blonde eye to these glaring flaws in your rhetoric. I have zero taller ants when it comes to people spouting out hate in the name of moral righteousness. You just need to remember what comes around is all around, and when supply and command fails you will be the first to go. Make my words, when you get down to brass stacks it doesn't take rocket appliances to get two birds stoned at once. It's clear who makes the pants in this relationship, and sometimes you just have to swallow your prize and accept the facts. You might have to come to this conclusion through denial and error but I swear on my mother's mating name that when you put the petal to the medal you will pass with flying carpets like it’s a peach of cake.

>>17599295
Let me give you some personal insight on the matter.

I've been with my wife for 10 years now. We met in high school, and I got her pregnant.
She is and always has been a lazy person and a shit cook. I wouldn't even mind eating shit food if she at least made it on time. But she rarely did.

We'd get into screaming arguments constantly about how lazy and worthless she was. I felt like an asshole for it, but goddamn she was a real piece of work. The only reason I dealt with all this was for the kids, and also because the sex is great.

But one night, I got fed up. Not only did she get drunk, neglect the kids, and made me top Ramen for dinner, but she decided to give me attitude too. She was being real fucking bitchy. So I told my grandparents to keep an eye on the kids and told my wife we were going to go out and have dinner together. I drove maybe 3 blocks to a quiet area (we live in Oregon, it's not hard to find a quiet field) and I got out of the car, went around like I was going to open her door for her and let her out, and I just beat the shit out of her while she was still seatbelted. After a few punches, I asked her if she wanted to go back to her parents. She started screaming and yelling and said yes, so I beat the shit out of her again. Then I asked her what she wanted to do. She finally got smart and said she wanted to go home. So I took her home and dared her to start trouble. I even handed her my cellphone and dialed her mom's number on the drive home. I made her talk to her mom, while daring her to fucking say something.

Before that incident, I had never laid a hand on her. But I had always threatened it. I told her "one of these days, if you don't straighten up, I'm going to lay hands on you."

All my meals have been on time, and she just recently tried to make a meatloaf. It was mediocre, but I was just thrilled that she tried.

Do with this information what you will.

>>17598591
Steve Jobs

>>17599311
Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels. Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the “loser,” and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round. I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world. Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment. When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3×5 card reading, “Please use this M&M for breeding purposes.” This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this “grant money.” I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion. There can be only one.

>>17598607
are people like >>17598607
really so low IQ

>>17598607
XD

>>17599330
Based m&m Highlander pasta

>>17598607
it is mozzarella you pollock

>>17598591
Joe Mama !

>>17598172
>Mozzarella

Laughed

>>17598607
It'll all be okay when Trump is reinstated as president in October 2020.
Chill.

epic thread. i hope op didn't died

>>17598607
Put me in the screencap.

>>17600659

>>17598607
Holy sperg lmao

>>17599295
i'm a published author and i was i had this gift of gab

>>17598172
Your liver doesn't burn, anon. You might feel referred pain in your shoulder and back, but that's it.

>>17599295
> intensive purposes

>>17599295
>>17599311
>>17599330

>>17599215
california dumbest state. who woulda guessed. fuck coasties

>>17600973
keen eye you have there

>>17601083
Mississippi is clearly lower

>>17599295
>>17599311
>>17599330

>>17601309
>m&m gladiators
>reddit
Kys

>>17600963
>Your liver doesn't burn, anon.
t. never overdid it with alcohol

worst thread on /ck/ right now

>>17601309
ooohhhhhh yeahhh ahhh im cranking my hog straight into your mouth open wide say ahhhhh

>>17599295
>>17599311
>>17599330
Doesn't posting stale copypasta get old? I mean, do you giggle yourself to tears every time you do it? It seems like such a waste. Why not do something original, or have you no personality of your own?

wwheres the janny

>>17603756
Dead, just like OP

>>17603084
Beauty is in the eye of the bee holder

>>17598591
it's not a real disease

>>17603756
I haven't been banned for my pee comment yet, so he's probably asleep or something

>>17603747
No it doesn’t and I’m not funny or creative so I steal others jokes

Next question champ

>>17598172

>>17598591
LIGMA BAAAALLLLZZZ

>>17598591
ligma Sneed

>>17598172
>I've got mozarella