/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>17314316
Impressive. What’s it taste like?

>>17314316
Looks fine to me

Looks like the impossible chicken nuggets from KFC. Indeed, impressive.

>>17314316
Looks like a dissection

>>17314316
Is it made out of brown playdough?

>>17314316
It's seeping. What the fuck have you done

>>17314316
How did you even manage to do this?

>>17314316

>>17314316

>>17314316
This is meatloaf (RIP)

>>17314338
This nibba probably forgot yeast or managed to kill it

>>17314326
my first thought too
gross

>>17314316
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qDol8NEFsjM

>>17314316
how did it get like that? what did you do?

it's got a nice chew

>>17314316
You made seitan ?

>>17314316
how???

>>17314316
how did you turn it into a loaf of smoked turkey

It smells good, but it tastes a bit like a damp dish cloth.

>>17314427
RIP nonny's yeast.

>>17314316
Kek
I mean if its your first loaf its not really a surprise
It took me like 15-20 tries to get it right

>>17314443
American really of stupid to cant making bread?

>>17314326

you can sell it to vegans as "vegan ham"

>>17314316
I am not sure how to do such bread even intentionally, how did you do it anon

>>17314447
yes

>>17314447
Speak english chang
Google translate wont cut it

>>17314370
Pretty sure you're right. I had this old packet of stuff and used water that was too hot.

>>17314447
kek

>>17314494
lol if there were any life left in that yeast you killed it with the hot water

>>17314494

You literally just need flour, salt and yeast. Why buy it premixed

>>17314427
“Chuck! Chuck, it's Marvin. Your cousin, Marvin Beyondmeat. You know that new sound you're looking for? Well, listen to this!”

Toasting it didn't help.

>>17314494
How did you get the water temp wrong, dip your finger in it, if its too hot for you then its too hot for yeast, its simple.

>>17314528
why does it look like that

>>17314448
kek

>>17314528
It doesnt even look cooked, it looks RAW

>>17314528
It looks like you had no live yeast AND didn't cook it fully, possibly because it's so dense and didn't cook as expected?

The edges of your toasted example look cooked. The innards look the wrong color and possibly undercooked. Hard to tell though... Not exactly a lot of experience looking at bread with no yeast.

bread is moron simple to make. will never understand how people manage to fuck it up.

>>17314316
How did you do it? Did you forget yeast?

Wow OP, you made vegan meat substitute, only yours is probably healthier than that soy shit.

>>17314494
>BAKING SUCCESS GUARANTEED

>>17314501
I was given it.

>>17314540
Yeah, it's basically raw.

>>17314603
mmm doughy!

>>17314316
Looks like a big hunk of pasta

>>17314634
yeah maybe boiling it might help

Slice it thin and pan fry it, I'm curious how it would cook up

>>17314673
Seconding this.

Dense. Let it dry out and use it as travel provisions.

>>17314316
this nigga bakin neutron stars

>>17314811
This, slice it, punch small holes and bake/dry it on lowest heat in the oven to make shortbread.

>>17314316
What on earth did you even do that led to this as the final result?

>all these suggestions
It is bread anon, just dump it, get proper ingredients and bake a new one.

>>17314861
please think of the starving anons in australia

>>17314831
lel

>>17314673
>>17314779
I dug it out of the trash for you. It wasn't bad, a bit like a fried dumpling, not good enough to be worth actually trying to save any more of it.

How has nobody recommended shoving it up your ass yet?
Worked for me.

>>17314316
recipe?

>>17314316
Looks like a cross section of the kfc smeat nuggets

>>17314891
Based anon trying stuff and reporting back.

>>17314316
Not bad basic slab of seitan, OP. Tenderize it, marinate for 12 odd hours and grill.

>>17314673
>>17314891

IMO pan frying was a step in the right direction but what you should've done was make french toast out of it, sugaring it generously, the texture seems right for it.

Either that or make bread pudding since that's what it already looks like.

>>17314895
The word is cram

>>17314316
how'd you manage to do that? besides killing the yeast

>>17314316
lol I thought it was a porkchop from the thumbnail

>>17314447
the internet was better before subhumans were on it

>>17314316
Either your yeast is dead, you somehow killed your yeast (acidity, direct contact with salt, high temp), your kitchen is way too cold, or you didn’t let it rise long enough, or you let it rise so long it acidified the dough and the yeast died. Could be a lot of different thing. If you haven’t used the yeast in a long time it might be a good idea to mix it with some water and a tiny bit of flour and see if you get bubbles in ten minutes. If this is sour dough I can’t help you

>>17314316
Gummy bear bread

>>17314447
Lol

>>17314530
>if its too hot for you then its too hot for yeast, its simple.
i can stick my hand into near boiling water without issue. Not so simple for some of us

>>17314316
That is dense

>>17314316
Is that the beyond chicken from KFC?

>>17314891
I audibly keked, youve birthed a monster

>>17314316
it looks like chestnut flour cake made in Italy

>>17314447
Marvelous.

>>17315221
For you

>>17315185
the rest of us aren't fat fucks with nerve damage from beetus

>>17314316
kek, what did you do to it? looks like it's raw inside

>>17315379
>with nerve damage from beetus
hey now, I may be fat but I ain't got no beetus. I ain't no sugar-holic nor processed food junkie.
I am just an idiot that doesn't understand pain and am able to ignore what most others would feel as painful.

>>17314447
thirdies don't make these kinds of mistakes. nice false flag mutt

>>17314494
please email the company asking them if it was guaranteed how come yours turned out so shit?

>>17314528
Put it in the freezer and make bread ice cream

>>17315419
jej

>>17314494
I mean, you probably should have seen it coming from your dough not rising at all before baking

nigga das lard

>>17314891
10/10 thread anon
made my night

>>17314508

100% hydration dough, no baking powder, very shitty yeast.

>>17314447
lol esl

>>17314316
that thing is wet inside what the fuck lol

I bet he didn't even preheat the oven before shoving in that hardtack mix.

>>17315819
Nah I fucked up bread like this before by using expired yeast and that's just what unleavened dough baked for too long looks like. It isn't moist.

>>17315769
>>17315435
>>17315432
These are bot posts

>>17315861
Without yeast you should get something resembling pasta dough, not wet gloop like this. This is extremely high hydration dough that has not risen at all and that has not been baked anywhere near long enough to evaporate the moisture out.

>>17314603
Not raw you just bypassed the levening portion, so all you made was a baked dumpling. If youre dead set on saving it you can cut it into cubes, salt it, and fry it i suppose. Threads like this make me love this board

>>17315866
This is the either the first falseflagger or the first projecting bot. Please congratulate his creator, we're entering a new age of shitposting.

>>17315882
You know theoretically we are all bots and youre just in a padded room banging your head against the wall

>>17315895
I wish, then there would be hope someday I'd wake up from my psychosis and find myself in a comfy padded room with no responsibilities. Instead I have to wake up everyday to the nightmare that is being a wageslave.

>>17314316
that's not bread dough. looks like a big hunk of seitan.

>>17315419
Fucking hell I didn't even realise for a few seconds.

>>17315861
I have to admit I used some oil and didn't fold it in well, so there were some moist pockets that squirted out when I was cutting it.

>>17315419
Kekeke

>>17314316
better than having to pay for bread full of air holes aka NOTHING. a solid load provides much better value

Just bake it L O N G E R
croutons

>>17314316
You didn't make bread, you made a cake. Jesus Christ, even a woman can bake bread.

>>17314316
my guy that is wheat fudge

Your yeast just sucked. All you have to do is try again with better yeast. Also, stop being British.

>>17316616
Fuck off yank

>>17316619
I'm no Yank, but what matters is that I'm not British either, as Anglos are near incapable of cooking, let alone cooking good bread. Their very essence is opposed to cooking. Not going for the "hurr durr british food bad" meme though, as they can in fact make decent food, as long as it's kept very simple. Anything more complex than meatballs or porridge will be messed up by Anglo hands, it doesn't matter how hard it's tried.

England only has Chefs of Scottish or Norman (French) origin. It is highly likely that the 100 years war was started so they could solidify their holdings in France, securing themselves a steady supply of competent cooks and chefs for the next few centuries. Alas, they have failed, and now Anglos are incapable of reliably executing complex cooking tasks, like baking bread.

>>17314938
based

>>17314447
(You) made me kek

>>17314316
Let me guess, homemade sourdough starter?

>>17315866
this reply was made by Meta Artificial Intelligence

>>17316297
kek

>>17315419
My fucking sides this thread has made my night

>>17315419
I giggled

>>17314447
I like how half of reply to this are newfags it thinking this is of serious postings

>>17314316
wtf thats rubber

>>17314448
I mean it's basically shitty seitan. They already buy this (but for big markup).

>>17314316
>mix wet w/ dry until everything comes together
>drop it in the stand mixer with a dough hook and run it
>go to work
>...
>come home later, dough still kneading
>all moisture gone
>nothing but gluten
>bake it, sort of
>ready to start quality /ck/ thread

>>17314443
>15-20 tries to get it right
the production of the yeast-less bread beast took more skill than whatever it is you do with your life.

>>17315866
?

>>17314370
why do people write nibba on a fucking anonymous imageboard?

>>17314447
Based

bad bread but a good thread

>>17314494
>19 APR 20

Kek wtf it looks like a Parmesan rind. Or overcooked liver or art gum erasers or katsuobushi.

Impressive OP I thought you used the blur tool on this photo at first.

>>17314316
undercooked and ovweproofed

>>17314316
That's a sad looking seitan

>>17314316
weve all been there lad
youve just made Impossible Bread™

This is awesome. I applaud you for being able to fuck this up this badly. I honestly don’t even know how to do that is it I tried. Hats off to OP.

>>17314316
what the fuck
the outermost layer is cooked, but the inside is raw
you could've turned it into a flatbread once you realized the yeast wasn't alive, but instead you created some fucked up nonsense

>>17316652
How come Norman origin is still French after 1000 years mixing with the English, yet somehow not Scandinavian despite only being in France for 100 years?

>>17314316
I like making vegan meat too

>>17318999
they came from reddit

>>17318405
>>all moisture gone
are you blind? Can't you see the moisture in the pics? Even when toasted... >>17314528

>>17315419
Have a (you) because it's true.

>>17314494
>BEST BEFORE 19 APR 2020
dude

>>17314508
Underrated

>>17318999
/ck/ has a high concentration of newfags / redditors

>>17314316
Checked

>>17314508
My sides

>>17319131
You actually like slowdive?

>Dense

>>17318999
i say nibba all the time literally just to annoy you

>>17314316
Looks vile and it's all your fault (unlike the jogger problem in your society).
Are you demented and beta? Because you come off as proud or actually wanting to be pissed at. Fuck you and all who keeps this sh-t thread up instead of just pissing in OPs face with a SAGE

>>17314316
thank you for posting this so we could all giggle about your failure anon. this has genuinely improved one shit part of one shit day of my shit existence.

>>17314316
>anon has stumbled into the lost art of meatbread
beware the arcane knowledge you're exposing yourself to, it will slowly change you.

>>17314316
I have seen this thread before

>>17314488
>>17314938
Lurk longer newfag. This is /int/ shitposting circa 2013

\>tfw OPs abomination still has a better crust than I do
Only thing I did different from the follow-along video is I didn’t have cubed yeast so I used a half packet of dry yeast (original recipe called for 1/2 cube)

> tfw ops abomination at least has a crust and mine doesn’t
I guess you can’t just use 1/2 packet of dry yeast when the recipe calls for 1/2 cube yeast

>>17314528
Why do people always think that toasting undercooked baked goods will somehow magically fix them?

>>17314969
My money is on he fucked the flour/water ratio

>>17314508
Brutal yet true.

>>17321455
Kinky! I like fucking flour.

If you got the money honey I got the time, learn to trill those Rs.

>>17318999
because nibbas like you will give him (You)s

>>17321404
>I guess you can’t just use 1/2 packet of dry yeast when the recipe calls for 1/2 cube yeast
you can, but you have to help the yeast multiply from 1/2 packet to 1/2 cube.
premix you are yeast with water and a few handfuls of flour, make a very runny dough and let it sit overnight.
the next morning take the yeast culture and add it to a bowl with how much flour you want. add the rest of the ingredients and ... violin, you have a culture large enough to make larger proportions of bread.

>>17321499
Thanks!! I will be trying this as soon as I finish choking down the original loaf.

>>17314316
That's genuinely impressive

>>17314596
Yeah, OP I think you could sue.

>>17316297
underrated

>>17314494
>water that was too hot.
imagine falling for the proofing meme

>>17314494
>10 APR 20
clearly it was the hot water

>>17314508
I wonder what Fox's guitar playing is like these days

>>17315419
Exactly what I was thinking of

>>17314316
looks like a vegan meat loaf

>>17321404

>>17322774
Kek, saved

>>17322479
too soon

>>17319134
The French soul is stronger than the Swedish one. It's also impossible for foreigners to fully assimilate into English culture, as it belongs to a strange, ancient, mysterious island, where tongues are spoken unknowable to any man.

>>17315419
nasty alien spacefood shit

>>17314316
>This is it lads. The worst loaf of bread I've ever made.
Nah, you just invented Beyond Bread®
you're gonna be a billionaire soon anon!

>>17315419
top kek

>>17314494
>bread mix
DO AMERICANS REALLY??

>>17324425
I know you're trolling but
>DD/MM/YY
>500g
>kJ

>>17316652
>Mutt thinks baking bread is complicated

>>17314316
Kind of looks like a scallion pancake from a Chinese joint. I improvise and put chile on those things for a tasty treat.

>>17324579
It's not complicated you moron, it just takes space and then clean up time when it's easier to go to a local bakery and buy a loaf of whatever.

>>17324600
I didn't say it was you fat embarrassing spastic, your fellow subhuman brown mutt did. Stupid illiterate fat faggot

>>17324602
Ewww, someone got offended, what are you stupid or something?

>>17324604
Fat embarrassing spastic don't @ me. You will never be white you rootless abomination

>>17324614
Yeah, you're stupid or something.

>>17314316
My dad's a baker. Do you want me to show him this and ask him what you did wrong?

>>17324614
Are you black by chance? It seems it from your lame responses.

>>17324622
Please do, my parents were bakers and ran a pretty famous restaurant before I was born. So yeah you scumbucket.

>>17324622
Idiots such as you just don't like being called out do you?

>>17315419

>>17314427
If bread ever smells bad as it's baked, you really, REALLY fucked up.

>>17316451
this will make the hardest croutons known to man, but not the worst solution if you want to save it

>>17314494
OP killed millions!

>>17314316
holy shit OP
did you just make soylent green?

>>17314316
Interesting

>>17314831
underrated comment

>>17318999
People use variations of words and slang because its fun. That's like asking why some people say "top zozzle" instead of "that made me laugh out loud".

>>17318999
It's also testing ground for day to day conversation.
e.g. testing how well it works to simply use the correct "n-word" in normal sentences keeping the meaning identical.
e.g.
>"Planned parenthood should get the fucking n-words to test for MAOA-R2 to reduce n-word crime-rates. Those 5% carrier n-words fuck up statistics for the whole black population."

>>17314316
hah, I've had it come out like that before too
I just sliced it very thin and toasted it, still gud

Absolutely no yeast in this bitch lmfao

>>17325223
A hunter kills his prey before consuming it.

If it walks like a duck
and quacks like a duck
it might be a duck.

>>17324579
It is difficult for an Anglo. And I am no Mutt, or from the Anglosphere for that matter. I am a proud member of the Mediterranean race, and as a result, I possess a strong urge not to work, and to criticize peoples of inferior cuisine. These twin reasons are why I am here.

>>17315430
HownewRu

>>17314316
Is this marble?

>>17321404
I love how you made this awful monstrosity and clearly don't know how to make bread (no hate though) and yet you put pumpkin seeds in there to try to spice it up or something.

>>17318999
sorry buddy not all of us have a n word pass

i made white bread for the first time last night. followed this recipe:
>platedcravings.com/white-bread
but i don't have a standing mixer, so i kneaded it by hand for 5-10 minutes.

tastes great, smells lovely, but it's not as fluffy as i was hoping, though not nearly as bad as OP. do i need to knead it more? let it rest longer? i rested 45 minutes in a bowl after kneading, 45 minutes in the bread pan. both covered.

>>17325667

Probably needed to be kneaded more. 10 minutes on a stand mixer =/= 10 minutes of kneading by hand. I’d try kneading it for 10 minutes, letting it rest for 10-15, then kneading it again. Also if your house is cold then you probably didn’t get as good of a rise either.

>>17325667
Window pane test it after kneading and poke-test it in the pan. You should be able to carefully pull apart 4 corners in the dough to get a nearly transparent window in it. If it breaks easily you should knead more.
The poke test means the dough should push back on your finger indentation almost fully to indicate the fermentation is ripe. You want to put it in the oven when it still has "power" to rise and not too late as it will collapse more instead. The latter indicated if the poke stays indented.

I believe doubling in size is a decent indication as well rather than relying on time in different conditions.

slice it as thin as you can and toast it

>>17314316
thank you for sharing this

>>17314316
I'm glad this thread is still up

>>17325946
No matter how low it sinks in the catalog, it never fails to rise up.

>>17325976
unlike OP's bread

>>17314316
I thought of a way to use this abomination but it's probably late for that. If you slice it really thin (around 1mm) and then cut up those slices into aesthtic squeres, fry it until brown and completely stiff, drain excess fat and then drown it in some nice broth, you basically get the bread for fattah. From that point it's just browning chicken or turkey, cooking the rice, making the yoghurt and garlic sauce and toasting some nuts and garlic to sprinkle on top. Should come out absolutely delicious.

>>17325976
>No matter how low it sinks in the catalog, it never fails to rise up.
unlike OP's loaf

>>17325996
illustrative pic

>>17314448
this, smoke it and it passes as a vegan deli cut

>>17314831

>>17322774

>>17314316
ayo *scratches* got another 50 piece of that bread?

>>17315866
meds, NOW

>>17315419
2021 is off to a good start

>>17327460
>2021
anon....

>>17321358
>ever going on /int/
Kill yourself. What an awful board. Literally no one but /int/ thinks that /int/ humor is funny

>>17327782
/int/ could be amazing, but no amount of moderation could save it now
4chang has become such a nightmare that 24/7 absolute mod containment couldn't produce good discussion on a flag board

>>17314316
Looks more like bread pudding. Wild.

OP confirmed Ragusea

>>17318999
because it's funny you retard

here's mine

>>17328722

>>17328725
looks like my camping pillow

>>17328725
I want to step on it.

>>17314528
Eugh go post in the food gore thread. It looks like a miscarriage.

>>17314316
IT LOOKS LIKE FUCKING EPOXY INSIDE

>>17314932
His oven was probably too hot, the outside seems fine, but the inside is still raw. Unfortunately bread isn't supposed to be cooked medium rare

>>17314333
It's bread with no leavening.

>>17314316
well excuse me, but

WHAT THE FUCK

>>17314528
anon I am loling so hard why does it look like apple sauce???

>>17314316
what is it?

>>17325667
I knead for fifteen minutes by hand but my recipe is different than yours so that amount of time might not work as well for your recipe.

>>17318999
Coz it's a hecking friggin fun word to say, mah nibba :^)

>rare bread

>>17314316
is that soap?

I haven't actually laughed in years. Thank you, you have blessed my day.

>>17318999
Nibber

>>17328725
how's it taste

>>17318999
SPERG ALERT SPERG ALERT
WEEWOOO WEEWOOO
SPERG ALERT SPERGA ALERT
WEEEE OOOOO WEEEE OOOOO

>finngolian net minder top 2 in wins so far this season
APOLOGIZE

>>17314316
chop it up/blend it and add it to soups or stews. don't throw it away. there's lots of good nutrition in that. people are starving in afghanistan right now. don't waste food.

>>17319754
That's because everyone started at /b/ and progressed as they got older

>>17314370
Knee grow hands typed this

>>17325984

>>17314316
lmao my fat ass thought this was foie gras

>>17315419
>>17316297
lel

>>17314316
Based and quornpilled

ever since AD left, embiid's always been half-assing it against new orleans

>>17325110
If anyone ever said "top zozzle" to my face I'd deck them

>>17314316
lmao

bread so dense it's served at special school

>>17333374
zozzle

>>17325141
Based talented tenth nigga

>>17328722
is this achievable natty?

>>17328725
this is what happens when you buy flour at a bodega

>>17314528
how bout you throw that shit out, stop eating it

>>17314831
Kek

>>17328100
Oh no

the fuck? 260 replies in a 4 days old thread about a brick? the fuck are yall even talking about

>>17315419
How funny would it be if kfc made the colonel a soyjak for this product

>>17315419
Hehe

>>17324813
Super hardtack

>>17328725

It looks like a bar of really sad soap...

I really really really like that this thread is still up.

>>17334519
I, for one, am happy that this thread's here. It's been great fun.

>>17314447
Based google translate

>>17314447
Has Anyone Really Been Far Even as Decided to Use Even Go Want to do Look More Like?