/ck/ - Food & Cooking

fuckin retard, you're never getting laid.

>>17286412
i love you little chickeny

How many eggs do chickens lay? One a day? Say I wanted to eat a dozen eggs a week. How many chickens should I keep?

>>17286435
4-5 a week if you're feeding them good and the weather isn't too cold.

>>17286442
Is two or three hens a good number? Do they get along ok?

>>17286412
go away cripple, I only like the our resident duck shepherd

>>17286445
Hens are social creatures. You'll want at least 3. I started with 5 and I now somehow have 12.

>>17286453
Do you eat yours when they stop laying?

>>17286432
Thank you fren :3

>>17286461
Haven't got to that phase yet. The wife named them, so I doubt it.

>>17286472
>>17286419
called it

>>17286412
She looks like a good bird

>>17286412
chicken <3

>>17286472
you have 12 chickens that you'll never kill?

>>17286412
https://voca.ro/12xGXBfgbOR7

>>17286412
based retard

>>17286412
How is she crippled?

>>17287993
She was attacked by a flock mate protecting her place in the pecking order. Physically, everything is fine but she had some lingering issues with nerves misfiring so her feet are partially paralyzed.

Funnily enough, there is a place nearby that does acupuncture treatments and she is improving with treatment.

>>17288103
>pecking order

>>17286412
She's a handsome bird

You ever see that clip of a guy tonguing a chicken cloaca and it slow-zooming on its face and it's straight up loving it? Yeah

>>17287993
OP ruptured her ass

>>17288103
>Acupuncture for food

>>17286412
You're passable and valid, I thought you were a guy desu, definitely no ayden vibes here lol. I'm gay btw, wanna go on a very gay, man on man date? Just two guys being homosexual together, I'll only fuck your butthole, like a dude fucking another dude (which you are) would.

>>17286412
Hello chicken, I used to have chickens and they're based. Free eggs and pretty friendly birds too. I hope you enjoy your eggs OP

>>17288135
How do I delete your posts and ban you?

>>17288247
Just make them say something interesting and informative and a janny will get assblasted and rangeban them for not low effort shitposting like we're expected to do

>>17288234
sensiblechuckle.gif

Child sex MAP revolution now

>>17288219
when you develop affection it isnt food anymore
that animal knows your deepest secrets

>>17286412
Shes a cute clucker

>>17286412
Vegans want you to go extinct.

>>17288103
Your egg machine watches anime too?

i liek her.
where does she lay her eggs?

>>17290437
Usually in the little nesting box i have set up for her.

Today she was being fussy so I had her on my lap trying to calm her down, and she laid it right there in my lap. I think she is embarrassed and she hasn't looked at me since.

She's trying to hide in the pic.

>>17288219
It helps the food make more food

>>17291330
you didn't tell us you also had pigs

>>17291330
Doesn't it shit all over the place? Imagine the smell

>>17288103
>acupuncture for chickens
Honk.png

>>17290403
Chickens LOVE television. The colors movement and sound are big draws to them. She particularly has a fondness for Sailor Moon, Disney and Law and Order.

Sometimes i even pop some plain unbuttered popcorn for her.

>>17291347

>>17291351
Chickens actually have the mental capacity of a toddlers so we actually have her trained with those puppy training pads. Easy peasy, and the smell is fairly minimal so long as you keep up on it.

>>17291362
please just go back to reddi.t.

>>17291381
Shut the fuck up. This is one of the few decent threads on this shithole. Jew

>>17291362
Sticky had a ducktales phase but I'd never let her watch sailor moon crystal, that show looks like garbage compared to the original anime

>>17291386
I agree, but it's on Netflix so it's easy to put on for her.

>>17291347
Fucking hell lol

>>17286453
Don't you need males so they can lay thier eggs?

>>17291403
Never had a rooster (town ordinance says I can't), and I've never had an issue with egg quantity.

>>17291393
You can watch the old sailor moon movies on youtube for free, please don't force ur chicken to watch bad anime it's animal abuse.

>>17291347
damm someone call the cops, there's been a murder

>>17291381
Please go outside, for your sake and ours

>>17291369
Damn didn't know they were that smart.

>>17291369
Mental capacity of vicious ass toddlers that will kill another toddler if it smells weakness on it.

We get it, chickens aren't totally retarded, but to compare them to a human baby is kind of an insult to both the baby and the chicken.

>>17291347
fuccin LMAO

>>17291347
Holy fuck mate.

>>17286412
What a cute chimken :)

What can't she do?

>>17291347
Audible kek

>>17291347
Fucking gottem

>>17286412
wait, how is she laying eggs, who is impregnating her?

>>17293208
anon you should have paid more attention in school

>>17293137
Walk properly.

>>17291347

>>17291347
LMAO

>>17291347
not that funny but I want to be part of the fun so put me in the screencap

>>17293208
chickens lay eggs without getting fertilized. eggs are basically a chicken period

>>17291347
See you on /r/ greentext folks

>>17291347
bruh

>>17286472
what are their names

>>17291557
jack nicholas?

>>17291347
jesus dude

>>17294000
So the injured cripple is named Lady-Bird (her batch has a First lady theme for names). But, we call her Pidgey.

Outside there is
Georgia, Louise, Marilyn, Jackie, Julia, Mamie and Dolly.

There is another batch that is getting mature enough to introduce to the flock, and they are Rosalyn, Stella, Ruby and Peach.

Outside of Jackie and Marilyn (who are both Black Marans) they are all different breeds.

>>17291362
You sound like a nice guy

>>17291347

>>17294024
thats a lot of chickens

>>17286412
What the Cluck?

I wish to pet the chicken

>>17294054
At one point I had a 50+ egg stockpile. Forces me to bake a lot.

>>17294068
what do the eggs smell like when they are fresh out of the chickens

>>17291347
kek

>>17294074
Not like anything, honestly. Since it all comes out of the same hole every now and then there is a smudge of shit on it, but that's the worst of it.

>>17294086
how long do chickens live for normally

>>17294074
wouldnt you like to know.

>>17294107
yes that is why i asked

>>17294093
5-7 years if taken care of well. A lot die sooner because of predators, disease, excessive rape, etc.

>>17294139
what was that last part

>>17286412
Cute chook

>>17294142
Roosters. If you have too many they will excessively rape the hens and the stress can be harmful to egg production and lifespan.

>>17294155
is this real

>>17294161
Not him but yes, roosters can be vicious bastards

>>17294161
Yes. If you own hens + a rooster every hour or two it will sound like one of your hens is getting eaten by something. Turns out it's just being raped for the 8th time that day.

>>17294174
what the hell

>>17294174
>>17294155
Stop anthropomorphizing animals like drooling retards, for fucks sake. Chickens aren't capable of rape, because they aren't even capable to consent in the first place. The human category of "rape" isn't applicable to animals. Animals aren't persons, you retards. They lack a language capable signifying things and ideas, they lack the capacity of abstraction, etc.

You aren't the "daddy" or "mommy" to your dog or cat, you are just insane. Your pet doesn't reciprocate your human love, because it can't offer you something it doesn't have.

>>17294228
yes i am

>>17294228
>you are just insane
bro i think you're the one that's insane

>>17291347

>>17294243
>>17294234
Observe the intelligence levels animal anthropomorphizers are on.
>BUT I AM THE MOTHER OF MY CAT! I ADOPTED HER MYSELF!!!
You are only capable of mothering a human child, because you are human. The human experience of parenting includes teaching children language, morality, culture, etc. that you literally can't do with your pets. The reality is that you are exploiting animals for some benefit or another, in this case psychological support, which is fine if you are open about the fact.
>y-you are insane
No, I'm honest, open, and my position is reasoned, while yours isn't, in fact, it can not be, because it's based on ideological views on human-animal relations and your feelings.

In other words, just because something makes you feel good, it doesn't make it also ethically right, desirable, sustainable, reasonable, or sur la table. The reality is that the pets you have are completely outside from their natural environment, often genetically altered by us to horrifying effects like almost guaranteed genetic disorders, and "loving" you only because you feed them, and in exchange you project shit onto the animal that offers your insane psychology support or relief.

>>17294321
autism

>>17294321
>horrifying effects like almost guaranteed genetic disorders
kinda like how your mom gave you autism lmao

>>17294321
If I put food on the ground the chicken runs over to me to eat.

If I try to pick up a chicken it runs away.

>>17294340
based empiricist anon

>>17294328
>>17294335
visible cope

>>17290403
>ywn have a duckie to watch Konosuba with
Feels bad man.

>>17291347
>Critical Hit

>>17294228

>>17294174
Isn't that far off. Roosters get really rough during mating, and it is not uncommon for the roosters to have a "favorite" hen. You can tell the favorite a lot of times from the bald spots where the rooster has pulled out the feathers.

>>17286412
10/10 chicken would definitely share my okara with

>>17294682
I understand that. It's still not "rape". Animals are incapable of "rape" like they are incapable of "marriage". Describing animal behavior accurately takes effort, but it's not impossible.

>>17294228
I wish more people understood this, it would avoid some retards trying to justify degenerate behavior by using other species as examples

>bro its just the course of nature bro, ignore the fact that humans have the capacity to reach a higher consciousness bro

>>17294348
Visible 'tism

>>17291347
put me in the screencap instead of the other guy

>>17291347
Supreme kek

>>17291330
you didn't tell us you also had pigs

>>17294710
Retard, people use shorthand in language all the time. Context denotes that a rooster being said to rape a chicken doesnt mean the rooster is raping like a human, just that the sex is rough and the hen does not want it.
Luckily, we have a shorthand way of describing that.

>>17294775
kek

>>17294321
You'd be the faggot running a factory farm with chickens in cages shitting all over themselves because it's "more efficient". Get fucked you autistic faggot

>>17288103

>>17294775
based

>>17294787
Clean up your shit you slob.

>indoor chickens
They shit every 10 minutes, imagine the smell

>>17286412
I'd beat the fuck out of that chicken if it tried stepping to me desu
one bwawk and I'd be swinging

>>17286412
Thats a lovely chiccy. but you dont keep it literally indoors do you? Im pretty sure keeping fowl indoors causes some nasty respiratory disease dude you might wanna look into that. My mate who grew up on a farm was telling me about it but he might be full of shit

>>17291351
if she can dress herself and wear glasses I'm sure she knows how to properly use the toilet as well

>>17291347
AYOOOOOOOO

>>17294933
She is indoors. Never had any respiratory issues. I'd be willing to bet those crop up from improper ventilation/chilling in their own shit all day. Pidgey doesn't have such issues.

>>17295027
No I think youve misunderstood I mean respiratory issues in humans

>>17295286
All ok well still no issues to report. And with 2 people with asthma and on with emphysema in the house i feel lik it would have happened by now.

>>17286453
Hoarder

>>17286529
>Stupid cunt take better care of it

>>17288103
Eat her

>>17294321
Excuse me, I wasn't the parent to my mouse, I was his eager and willing slave and he was my king.
Rest in peace, my rodent overlord~<3

>>17294228
Except that hens can choose a rooster or attempt rejection sometimes, so unless you want to make up a whole new word just for the difference between an accepted and unacceptable mating then the quick way to say it is the roosters can excessively rape the hens

>>17291347
Penis pot pie.

>>17294321
dangerously based.
childless hags seethe incoming

She loves the nice things y'all have been saying.

The questions have been fun too :3

>>17296276
do you think it loves you?

>>17296276
Do you have any advice on how to train a flock of chickens to stay out if my raised beds? I have to keep them cooped up because those fuckers destroyed half my fava bean sprouts.

>>17291347

>>17296283
Cover the beds in wire mesh retard.

>>17296282
Absolutely. She just spent the last 30 minutes snuggled in my lap and fell asleep on me with her neck stretched out (which is a huge sign of trust not hiding a vulnerability like that).

They are smart enough to recognize about 50 different faces.

>>17296283
Not off hand. My personal garden is in a separate fenced area they can't get into. I have heard that planting peppermint in the edges of the boxes will repel them (though the shit grows like a weed once you plant it), and you can also try putting scraps of citrus peel and/or speaking the boxes with some kind of citrus juice to keep them away. Sorry I can't be more help.

>>17296319
I used bird net last year and it worked, but I really hate using the stuff. I also have 10 4' x 16' beds I need to protect. Bird net is an indiscriminate killer of snakes and little birds. Feels incredibly bad.

>>17296331
Thanks and no worries. I saw you potty trained your chicken, so I figured I would ask. I'm going to build a fence before growing season to keep chickens and deer out. The deer were jumping into my raised causing all sorts of havoc. Those cute little fuckers.

>>17286788
Lel

>>17293980
>. eggs are basically a chicken period
What the fuck. I wish I never heard this. No wonder I'm allergic to eggs

>>17294321
>>17294228
did a crazy cat lady rape your mom?

>>17291347
Fucking savage.

>>17294813
No

I want to go into business with my friend raising broiler chickens
I have no experience

is this a bad idea?

>>17286529

what the fuck is going on here why is chicken going casey anthony?

>>17296331
>nd fell asleep on me with her neck stretched out (which is a huge sign of trust not hiding a vulnerability like that).

tell me more chicken behvior and personality stuff

>>17286529
lmao fucking told the other chicken

>>17297486
So, I've had dogs and cats as pets, and I have to say, chickens seem to have a more complete personality than other animals I've raised. They are very social, and if you interact with them daily they will recognize and reciprocate whatever kind of treatment you give them. If one of my cats is on my lap and Pidgey sees it, she'll sometimes puff up and cluck in a display of jealousy.

Pidgey gets along fine with the cats. They all got pecked by her once or twice for bothering her and now everything just gives everything else a little space.

>>17298315
pidgey is cute

>>17286412
I am white, would season

>>17298843
Thank you fren :3

>>17294813
He's made it clear that his house is a barn.

>>17299318
the pidgey card is such bullshit because he doesn't even resist fighting

>>17294787
based indoorbird poster

>>17299318
i'm ready to battle.

>>17286412
omg yaassss slay queeen

>>17288162
seek help

>>17291347
How will OP ever recover?

>>17299508
I don't think my crippled bird could win. I yield.

>>17291347
Poor op...

>>17291403
hens lay eggs independently of roosters. in order to make another chicken, a rooster is required to fertilized said egg

>>17295591
what was his name

>>17286412
chigga

>>17291347
holy shit gottem

Here are some of the outside assholes in case anyone cares.

>>17301288
wasnt very nice of you to call them assholes

>>17286453
Chicken simp

>>17288103
The jews fear the indoor chicken farmer

>>17300095
Winner eats the loser

>>17300828
Greybeard. But I usually just called him your highness or your majesty.

>>17302043
sorry for your loss bro i am sure he enjoyed every moment with you he was lucky to have you

>>17288117
KEK

based reptile owner

>>17291330
A real farmer john here

>>17294228
Sir this is a Wendys

>>17288117
THE WORMS INSIDE OF THE DIRT

>>17291347
fucking beat me to it. actually this was my first draft. I was actually going to go with "I see chickens aren't the only farm animal you keep".

>>17301288
if your arsehole is on the inside, you have a real problem. moreso if you have more than one.

>>17302780
No cap? Fr fr?

>>17297486
Sauce?