/ck/ - Food & Cooking

Parsley is the fluffy one
Captcha: RND0M

One time a clerk mistook my cucumbers for courgettes.

Next scene you're having sex with her

>>17003460
>Whichever is cheaper, then donate the rest to the Donald McDonald House

I have experience with reheads and they are all demons.

>>17003483
Next you'll be telling me that they're ringing up the eggplants as aubergine

>>17003497
semen demons

>>17003505
courgette = zucchini

>>17003460
they’re not getting paid enough to care

one zoomer checkout wagie had to ask me:
>what are these?
rutabagas
>whats that?
a root vegetable
>oh, and these?
Turnips?

God I hate zoomers so goddamn much.

>>17003644
My favorite is watching the little led display when the don't know what it is and they just ring it up as something random

>>17003652
>Rings up your watermelon as snow peas
Nothing personnel

>buy serrano peppers
>casheir has down's syndrome
>mfw he rings them up as jalapenos which are more than twice as cheap

>I need an override on this…yeah, it scanned twice

>Are these just regular lemons or organic?
>Heh... Why don't you tell me, kid?

>go through checkout with a couple endives
>teenager clerk stares at them like I just dropped an alien bug on the checkout counter\
>me: "they're endives"
>uh how do you spell that

>>17003644
genuinely curious as to what occasion you had to use both rutabagas and turnips

>>17003732
Not him, but when they're both cheap you get them both and then you've got a month to use them.

>>17003732
I put both in my pepper pot

>>17003672
He did it on purpose since he could tell you were a fellow retard

>zoomer cashier: what's this thing?
me: "Pomelo"
>Uh..
...
>This doesn't have a sticker, did the other ones have stickers on them?
"Yeah, I think so"
>Can we, uh..
...
>I need to get one with the sticker, I, I, don't know the number for this
"Eh, just put it as grapefruit, they're like the same thing"
>Oh yeah, h-heh, pretty much
>*puts it in as grapefruit*
>UNEXPECTED ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA
>Cashier is visibly nervous
>He timidly gets an older jaded black lady to scan her card on the thing
>She does not check the bagging area
>Mfw I got the $2.99 pomelo for $1.29

True story btw

>>17003822
Based. Fuck the system

Parley has more wrinkly leaves.

>>17003822
>UNEXPECTED ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA
thats just a common error because those bagging stations are wonky as fuck and usually anything thats heavy triggers it.
that error had nothing to do with the cashier mixing up a pomelo with grapefruit in the system.

>>17003460
Cilantro is just a faggy term for Chinese parsley so the answer is yes.

>>17003460
>be me
>be in line at the grocery store with various things
>one of those things is a sixer of Pabst pints
>"hey man is that stuff any good?"
>huh?
>"that beer, is it good?"
>It's fuckin' Pabst...

>>17003842
They program in the specific weights of the items, the bagging area is a scale that measures whether the item you put in is the expected weight. It goes off by accident all the time because it's a piece of shit but in this case it definitely worked correctly. A pomelo is at least twice as heavy as a grapefruit

>>17003822
>>17003869
What grocery store sells fruit by the piece instead of the pound/weight? Hell, what grocery store has the "unexpected item" warning at manned tills? This whole story is garbage.

>>17003887
mine sells cucumbers by piece

>>17003652
>rings up your 2lbs of bananas for saffron

>>17003904
>lemons
>limes
>avocado
>dragonfruit
>kiwi fruit
>bell peppers
>coconut
>persimmon
>celery

>>17003837
>Implying there's only 1 type of parsley

>>17003857
Is it any good?

>>17003485
He drags her into the stockroom, she drops to her knees unzipping his pants and he just straight face fucks her through the covid mask. as he cums in her mouth he starts screaming "IM NOT VACCINATED BITCH" and then all the stockers clap

>>17003460
She cute.

>>17003887
Mine does this with shit that's all close enough to the same size that they don't give a shit, like limes for example

>>17003942
Sir, this is a America.

>>17003843
calling it chinese is the faggy way, anon.
china is faggy.

itt: a bunch of lonely dudes that don't have a wife that goes grocery shopping.
i only go if we're buying something heavy so i can lift it.

>>17003460
Why don’t you yanks just call it coriander like normal people?

There is no greater hell than watching a bus load of old people try to use the self serve machines, just alarms and red warning lights and a bunch of coffin dodgers having panic attacks. And the cocksucking zoomer wagie is just standing around just not giving a shit.

parsley tastes more bitter.

>>17004118
>trusting a woman with anything other than being a human fleshlight
ngmi

>>17004118
I manage my families food much better than my wife can and I can do i while I commute to or from work so its not much of a drain on my time.

>>17004118

youre literally on a fucking cooking board you absolute asshole. anybody who cooks goes to the produce section to buy ingredients for a new recipe they want to try or to experiment with a dish of their own design. you think i trust my wife to come back with ingredients i need for a dish? she'd buy some globohomo soy lab grown imitation of what i needed because the packaging said some gay shit that she heard on netflix. like literally get the fuck off this board i am so sick of you posting foodtube and fast food threads.

>>17004118
Why would I trust someone that's not a cook to gather the ingredients?
"Yo, hey babe you goin' to the store?"
>yea
>"Aight Imma need two bulbs of garlic that have that certain sorta look to 'em, ya know. And eh, Imma need some green onions that are that certain way, eh? Oh, and before I forget I need some like, peppers, maybe, I dunno what they got down there I'd have to look at 'em, maybe get some dull orange or something, and uh, shit, I need some mustard, but don't get no French's hot dog shit, just uh take a look at the mustards you can see and get the good one, I dunno."
This is so much easier if I just do it myself.

>>17004118
My wife exists for two things: Drawing artwork for my porn games, and fucking.

>>17003904
>>17003979
The second question remains unanswered. I've never fucking heard of a "unexpected item" alert at a manned till.

>Did you find everything you were shopping for today?

>>17004563
I did.

>>17004284
Sounds like you're too retarded to communicate effectively desu

>>17003460
I've only been asked this once or twice in my life, usually they just ring it up wrong, especially with chilis since most wh*teoids wouldn't know a birdseye from a habanero

>>17004567
I'm sorry, x-ray vision is kind of hard to explain to people that only see in the usual human visual range.

>>17004565
I always lie and tell them I did but normally there’s something extremely esoteric or ethnic that I gotta run to another store for
Or they’re just out of the one thing I came in there to get and now I’m gonna have to run around to other stores looking for tomato paste or a bunch of dill

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DVzcQ4_khsM

>age restricted item, help is on the way
>age restricted item, help is on the way
>age restricted item, help is on the way

>>17003732
I'm sure it's some weird foreigner dish

>>17003718
Not gonna lie, I have no idea what endive looks like. I've eaten it at my grandmas though. 28 yo

>2021
>Not using self checkout exclusively

Why would I want some underpaid burnout who doesn't understand not to put a loaf of bread in the same bag as a gallon of milk fucking with my groceries?

>>17004617
>not bagging your own groceries
Cart shopping scum detected

>>17003822

>>17004617
I'm really skinny they always think I'm a tweaker that's going to steal shit.
It's worth it in my case to to be as up front as possible about going into the place and buying stuff.

>>17003460
why do mutts call it "cilantro" it's called "coriander" or "chinese parsley", "cilantro" is spanish ffs

The limp?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mD95ez3NeKA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L0MK7qz13bUr

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=to2SMng4u1k

>>17004647
Coriander refers to the seed

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KqSo7jh9lgU

I'm a bit of an autist.
I think the gas station girl flirted with me.
I usually go in there and buy some gas and beer.
The only beer worth a damn is 'Busch'.
The cashier girl just sorta said "Oh, you need some bush, huh?"

>>17003460
it's ginger

>>17003652
a while back I bought a few jalapenos and the chick had to call her supervisor lol.

>>17004762
Let me give you a protip, they're never, EVER flirting with you.

>>17004808
My first thought.
She didn't say that on purpose.
I'm supposed to pretend that that exact phrase wasn't spoken to me by that person.

>>17003460
I live in a small buttfuck Brazilian city that recently started to carry Hass Avocados (where previously only the big, bright green, pear-shaped avocados were available), so when I bought two Hass, the cashier rung (?) them as beetroot. Turned out they were rotten, but I didn't complain, as beets ar much cheaper.

>>17004808
Doesn't matter, let the man have his fantasy. There used to be a hot cashier girl at the liquor store who started to address me by name because I was in their "buy a ton of liquor and get the occasional 10% off coupon" club. I wrote up a whole long term plan where I'd buy only nice and tasteful things, not too often of course, to establish my value to her, and eventually I'd ask her name, and we'd get friendly and eventually she'd quit her job and be my stay at home wife. It was sad when she quit. I still have the text file and think about her every time I go to that store. Captcha: DAHMR

>>17004808
Great tip for staying a virgin. Even if they're not, if it sounds like flirting it's an opening to respond flirtatiously. And then if they respond flirtatiously to that you've got an opening. And if nothing comes of it, at least you've had some practice flirting.

>>17004808
Dumbass.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oRdxUFDoQe0

>>17003496
>donald mcdonald
you're the type of person to attach a chad to your own posts, that's for sure

>>17004808
Your face is just jacked up anon.

>>17004601
>that pile of onions in the corner
iktf

>>17003822
>Go to stock up for 2-3 weeks
>Grocery cart is absolutely full
>Can't go through self-check out
>Go to cashier
>It seems like she is super new and struggling to figure out the vegetables I have
>Goes to close out the sale
>Doesn't scan items on the bottom of the cart or in the front basket
>"Oh hey, don't forget to scan all that other stuff"
>Point to the front basket and under the cart
>She seem confused
>Backs out and only scans the potatoes and few drinks on the bottom
>Goes to close sale again
>Don't say anything because I already spoke up once
>Mfw I walked out with $60+ of meat and fish for free because the front basket had everything I picked up from the butcher/meat department

>>17003460
It's cilantro, couldn't you tell? I mean all of the other ingredients I'm getting would suggest I'm making a salsa, get it together for me, okay? Sheesh *rolls eyes and pays with discover card*

>>17003822
Based unhinged anarchist fucking psychopath.

>>17003644
Funny cuz at my local grocer it's all sixty year old ladies who can't tell peppers apart and seem to be confused about the very existence of fibrous, green vegetables.

>>17004936
doesn’t matter what generation they belong to or even what gender they are
they were hired for their ability and willingness to drag black & white lines over the little red laser

some of the motherfuckers I went to culinary school with, they failed basic fruit & vegetable identification and I had no idea what business they had being there

>>17003485
One of the worst tropes in film/tv. Absolutely done to done.

>>17003470
>he buys curly parsley

>>17003460
>go to store
>pick parsley
>clerk says, uuuh this is not parsley
>switch it around
>go back home
>it actually was parsley
>clerk switched it up with cilantro
>mfw
>trust no one not even yourelf

>>17003732
The bother roast up pretty well. I'd put them in a casserole dish with some other veggies at 350ish.

>>17005033
>One of the worst tropes in film/tv. Absolutely done to done.
Formerly done to medium rare

>>17005477
Gonna expose myself as a phone poster but that was indeed autocorrect of 'death'

>>17005538
>Gonna expose myself as a phone poster but that was indeed autocorrect of 'death'
It's OK anon I'm also a phone poster who's never had sex

>>17005555
I am a phone poster as well. One who has had sex with two different cashiers because of flirting

>>17005870
Maybe you should try using that phone to ring true lol

>>17003460
>>Do you know…is this parsley or cilantro?
yes

>>17005896
>I just put random things that I see in my cart. It’s not my job to know what I’m buying.

>>17005250
Curly parsley tastes much better and has better texture than flat Italian parsley.

>>17004819
>I still have the text file
Post it

>>17006117
I am a sick man. ... I am a spiteful man. I am an unattractive man. I
believe my liver is diseased. However, I know nothing at all about my
disease, and do not know for certain what ails me. I don't consult a doctor
for it, and never have, though I have a respect for medicine and doctors.
Besides, I am extremely superstitious, sufficiently so to respect medicine,
anyway (I am well-educated enough not to be superstitious, but I am
superstitious). No, I refuse to consult a doctor from spite. That you
probably will not understand. Well, I understand it, though. Of course, I
can't explain who it is precisely that I am mortifying in this case by my
spite: I am perfectly well aware that I cannot "pay out" the doctors by not
consulting them; I know better than anyone that by all this I am only
injuring myself and no one else. But still, if I don't consult a doctor it is
from spite. My liver is bad, well--let it get worse!

>>17006097
It's not my job to tell a professional working in the green grocer industry what my purchase is

>>17006223
>a professional

>>17006227
getting paid mean's they're professionals. It's not like college aged workers are forced to do it for free so that way they stay eligible for the grocerylympics

>>17006175
dude…

>>17003460
coriander baby

>>17003460
Uh those actually look like red onions, sweetheart

>>17006247
>mean's

>>17004563
Do you ever tell a cashier no? They sometimes freak the fuck out. I one time had one cal a manager because I said "no, you don't carry malt vinegar anymore but its cool".

>>17006760
given the shortages and sporadic supply of the gayest fucking items over the last year i'm surprised that asking that question is even part of any store's policy lately

>>17003497
>>17003508
Based and redheadpilled. I continue to fall in love with emotionally unavailable red heads and I don't plan in stopping, that pussy goes too crazy.

>>17003460
>be me
>see cute emo chick at the register
>constantly fumbling and blushing looking at her
>kinda looks like avril lavigne
>be autistic and card doesn't go through
>literally standing there for minutes on end
>used a different card
>it works.jpeg
>by the time its all said and done I am sweating profusely with a red face.

>>17004638
Kek'd and saved

>>17006781
theyre fun
my first wife was a redhead
i almost committed suicide when she left me but the support of the /ck/ community kept me going through some very hard times

>>17006849
cookbro i hope you are doing better these days. i remember when my first gf left me. It was terrible. we are all here for each other.

>>17006748
>>>17006247 (You)
>>mean's

>>17006849
Oof thats tough anon. Glad you didn't kill yourself, you've got plenty of life to live and enjoy

>>17006786
On the opposite side of the spectrum is me
>See cute cashier
>go directly to that line
>act anxious
>mention how high the total is getting *heh
>swipe card
>second I see approved exhale smoothly
>thank God
>hey what time you get off work?

>>17006849
Please kill yourself.

>>17007574
>>17007578

>>17005881
>Maybe you should try using that phone to ring true lol
I tried it was a disaster

>>17003483
one time a fat toothless palestinian woman asked me what dry mustard was for

>>17004808
a cashier i always see i noticed one day was wearing glasses so i asked her if she just got them, and then i said "they look nice" but i never went back there because i'm so autistic lol

>>17008493
Probably a good idea. I'm pretty sure that after three to five reports of creepy incidents you end up on a watchlist and have your photo shown to new recruits. They can easily get a photo from security footage. I've noticed at a few stores, after a while the new females look at me with startled intensity the first time they see me. That's when I know to start keeping my head down and stop trying to get familiar with anyone.

>>17003460
>buying produce
>see big gnarly-looking heirloom tomatoes
>$8.99/lb
>fuck it, I'll get a couple to eat with some burrata
>checking out and the girl sees my ugly tomatoes
>"eww what's wrong with these?"
>"they're special"
>"uh, okay"
>puts them on the scale and punches in some 8-digit code like a pro
>MANAGERS SPECIAL PRODUCE—BRUISED/EXPIRED
>15¢ per lb
>something like 9¢ for my tomatoes
>I don't say anything
>she keeps scanning items as clueless as ever
>feelsgoodman.png

>>17003460
Oh my dear I'm going to enjoy your body and creamy young breasts then dump your pale freckled little corpse into a ravine.

not my problem

>>17009660
im starting to say not my problem a lot

whenever something goes terribly wrong i just say not my problem

i stare at the mess and the other people directly in the eyes and say mot my problem.

>>17008493
PROTIP: if you wanna compliment someone's glasses, tell them "I like your frames" rather than "I like your glasses"

the difference is subtle, but it establishes in 4 simple words that you appreciate fashion rather than fetishize girls who wear glasses

>>17007357
>>17006970
>>17006849

i never realized /ck/ was so soft

>>17009596
$8.99/lb?
Heirlooms are barely $3/lb when they're in season.

>>17003837
parlay

>>17006175
we want more

chicagofags will remember having to get their produce weighed in the produce section before going to the cashier

>>17007578
people think hes being mean but hes being kind

I've had Whole Foods cashiers give me free shit several times because they couldn't be bothered to figure out what something I bought was.

>>17003652
i work at a tourist attraction and will cover shifts in the gift shop during the off-season for people that are sick
i'll happily ring up a stuffed animal that I know is probably closer to £15 as two Cokes or whatever because a) i've never been properly trained to do it, b) the managers don't give a shit, and c) even if they did I don't give a shit

>>17006760
Dann that's good customer service. Immediately trying to solve why you weren't able to purchase what you wanted.
Legitimately inspiring.

>>17003460
ehmm... those are onions, mam.

>>17004269
>youre literally on a fucking cooking board you absolute asshole

>>17010960
lmao based

>>17009675
because it isn't your problem unless you caused it

>do you know what these are?
Yes, I know what kippers are, do you think I buy food at random?

>>17011282
Why not? Take a risk on something once in a while.

A brand of deenz cans at my grocery store never ever scans so I make sure to pick one up every time.

>>17007875
dont be mean to my cookbro >>17007574

>>17010851
we are not /b/tards so we are pretty civil. we are like a guild, we help each other.

>>17010920
The joke was that his plan was Notes From Underground, because his fantasy courtship reminded of when the prostitute in that book bursts the protagonist's bubble saying "it's like in a story."

>>17011820
/ck/ or lit? we all read Dostojevski

>>17004563
"Yea, I found you."

>>17004563
>get everything?
>no, you still have restrictions on canned foods, i literally cant buy enough tomato for one bolognese

>>17003822
Move out of shitty ass NYC 6 months ago out east in the middle of Long Island, hit up local supermarket, notice college age kids working during the day, they're not very talkative and have a delay in speech, say goodbye or thanks, they always take a few seconds to respond. Realization hits me they're all probably somewhat high functioning young adult autist robots working everything, deli counter, registers and the aisles. Guess what I did? Got on a friendly basis with all of them with small conversations about the most random autist memes, they all literally fit the profile you expect from them. Start wearing blue puzzle piece pin, then sonic pin on shirt when visiting supermarket, they always smile or greet me, making small pleasant conversation, sometimes it turns slightly awkward, but who cares, they're robot spergs and working at least. The funniest thing ever one makes sure to point out upcoming and current sale items I usually purchase, they help me save cash. Any other anons with a similar experience? Please tell me I'm not the only one, there must be plenty of supermarkets across the US hiring this way. :^)

>>17004118
women should not be allowed near food or kitchens

>>17004284
>certain sorta look
you mean fresh? also why dont you teach her to cook? its something everyone should know

>>17011953
>one makes sure to point out upcoming and current sale items
i need this in my life

>>17011930
cleanup on register 4!

>>17011971
Secret Santa is getting them all $25 GameStop gift cards this Christmas, all thanks to him.

>>17011552
Thanks for defending me cookbro. >>17010851
I guess you're not familiar with 4chan and that's okay. Just lurk a bit more

>>17006175
Mate...

>>17009675
My wife and I have been saying this for years because of a Ukrainian we once worked with.
>Iz not my pro-blem
> Iz very durrty

>>17003460
yes

>>17003460
>92 posters
>none of them know that they're actually apples

>>17012372
no problemo frendo <3 im always here for you.

There was a bunch of weird ass fruit at the grocery store I worked at like cherimoyas, dragon fruit, kiwano melons, etc. If I didn’t know what something was I would just ring it up as bananas. Some mother fuckers would actually try to correct me. I’m saving you money you fucking idiot. Just shut up and pay the 50 cents for your exotic fruit.

>>17013085
there red onions yeah?

>>17004563
No. I’ve been to three stores looking for toilet paper and your shelves have been empty since Monday.

>>17004808
>Stop at hillbilly area Sheets
>Order some tendies and a shake because I'm on vacation bitch
>QT but snaggle tooth and Forrest Gump I.Q. girl at the register.
>Her "Chicken and chocolate is an interesting combination!"
>Yeah. It's the best.
>Receipt prints out and the order number is 77 or some shit.
>Lucky number you should make a wish!
>Wut. Is this downy hitting on me or does she have the intellect of a child?
>Say something about the weather. But I really wanted to say something about fucking her retarded ass in the back of my car.

>>17013345
I'm gonna get diabetes from this shit

>>17011953
My similar experience is that I grew up in Suffolk county. Fuck that place haha. But you'll probably have a great time

>>17014628
How does that sound like flirting to you? Do you live in a city of monosyllabic androids?

>>17011953
adderall & novel antipsychotics

>>17007574
I just wanted to clarify to you guys since I didn't use any gendered language, I am attracted to men. And I mean that sexually.

>>17004808
>walk outside in athletic short-shorts
>i'm kind of /fit/
>grill says "jealous, you almost look as good as I do in those"
>y-you too

ok the you too isn't real, but was she flirting on me bros? What do I do with this?

>>17015467
All adult males look gross in shorts, so if she was sincere there's something wrong with her.

>>17003460
Parsley, with a P, has Pointy leaves

Cilantro, with a C, has Curved leaves

>>17015667
just smell them

>>17004601
kitty no!

>>17011930
based

>>17015667
i had a training video that said that exactly

>>17003754
Two months for me.

>>17015667
this is curved leaves?

>>17004601
Is it sitting on the pizza for warmth??

>>17006175
I've never read Notes from Underground but I immediately thought of Dostoevsky. Congratulations to me, I am cultured!

>>17016633
that’s curved, yeah
so that’s coriander leaves or cilantro or chinese parsley or dhania or whatever you wanna call it

>>17003460
just smell it you STUPID CUNT

>>17003460
Smell it

>>17016679
>>17016674
>>17015784
>expecting some teenage normie to recognise ingredients like theyve ever used them

>>17016697
I knew as a teenager because my dad taught me. But my dad wasnt a normie so guess that explains things.

>>17004601
>anything that costs more than $20 requires staff to unlock a case to get you one
I hate living in a "diverse" area

>>17004617
My local store is literally infamous for lonely cashiers that unload their personal drama on customers. Their lanes are always open.

>>17016740
don't be down, fren
your presence helps to gentrify the area and increase real estate values

>>17004617
if she’s cute she can bag my groceries however she wants

I always look around for the hottest checker before settling on a lane

How do you manage to date a stranger like a checkout girl?

My strategy has always been to meet biddies in clubs and social circles and shit so I can flex my sense of humour and personality on them, though I am a pretty handsome manlet so maybe I could make that work too?

>>17016753
>movie to city
>looks nice
>bottle shops have all spirits in glass cabinets

>>17010851
He hasn't admitted to being British yet

>>17016753
Unfortunately not, the rest of the population is rich Jews and the city has directives against gentrification. I know the grave I've laid myself in, but thank you.

>>17016776
Break ice
build connection
flirty joke
ask out
Simple as

>>17003682
did that dude hire her because:

A) she's his daughter
or
B) he's a jailb8 kinda guy?

>>17016891
C) Both

>>17003460
Coriander

>>17003483
Once she mistook my dick for hers

>>17009753
>the difference is subtle, but it establishes in 4 simple words that you appreciate fashion rather than fetishize girls who wear glasses
But anon I do fetishize girls wo wear glasses and I don't give a fuck about fashion. But I guess admitting that is a bad idea.

>>17010851
Welcome to any board except the biggest few.

>>17015667
i think i've told a few clerks that before but i don't think they're paid enough to really give a shit so i stopped trying to teach people who didn't want to learn

>>17004617
>milk in a bag

>>17016891
totally B, we can smell our own

they did this to me the other day and I was like this bish been working here for 20

>>17019109
like, does it even matter? aren't they normally both the same price per bunch

>>17004563
Acshualy, can you tell me where the refrigerated, prepared horseradish is because I looked everywhere including the endcaps and next to the craft saurkrat and the sushi lease. Can you stop this whole line of peolpe behind me to go on a Raiders of The Lost Ark with me and find this shit?

>>17019128
did you try the condiments aisle?

>>17019131
I want the refrigerated shit from the Polish fuckers in Cleveland that Kraigur keeps relocating every 3-19 weeks

>>17019131
Yeah but moist of the shelves were pretty picked over

>>17017838
that would be hard to play once the glasses got moved around on the board you'd forget which glass was supposed to be which piece

>>17019535
you know people can play without pieces and the board?

how can i get a cashier gf?

>>17019994
Dress like you're well-to-do, compliment her hair, and eat her out while she's scanning your groceries.

>>17020130
>eat her out while she's scanning your groceries
oh man wouldn’t that be nice? you haven’t lived until you’ve eaten redhead pussy

>>17003974
Kek

>>17016776
Most of them aren't interested in meeting men at work. The cute ones generally have their guard up because they get hit on constantly by 2000 men per day and they're not in the right mindframe. It's not impossible but it's a lot more difficult than picking up girls in a context where they're mentally prepared and desiring to be talked to.

>at Mexican restaurant with obese friend
>order pico de gallo
>notice him picking out all the red onions from his portion and putting them to the side in a small pile
>he notices that I'm eyeing the pile with a quizzical expression on my face
>him: "Are these apples or radishes?"

>>17009753
>fetishize
kill yourself libtard

>>17004118
>letting a woman cook
what the fuck

>>17004808
My tard wrangler in charge of my neetbux got a new intern. She's stupid hot and she kept asking to touch my hair and my shoulders and laughed at really bad jokes. Is she flirting with me, and can they fuck with my neetbux if I rail the wranglers intern?

>>17021004
Fuck her, you're retarded, you're not responsible for anything you do. Might even be able to get some more bux if you accuse her of taking advantage of you after

>>17004563
>No I don't have your number yet
>gets maced
Why are all woman whores?

>>17005555
You should show a roastie those digits my man

>>17015154
Yeah that just sounds like small town small talk.

>>17003732
vegetable broth

>>17003887
>t. never worked a grocery store in his life

>>17021219
you had "unexpected item in bagging area" warnings at tills manned by humans?

>>17015159
You can stick'em in your rear. :^)

>>17016639
The heat from the pizza cooks the cat

>>17021246
It depends
What if you accidentally bag something without scanning?

>>17021467
that's what the clerk is for

>>17003460
Looks like you're holding an onion you stupid bitch.

>>17003857
>>17003945
Better than Heineken

>>17003460
>take bite
>if it tastes like soap its cilantro

Parsley has Pointy leaves
Cilantro has leaves in a C shape

>>17003807
Not him but i chuckled

>>17003857
Dude they're just trying to make conversation and not be super awkwardly standing there quiet. And young people know fuck all about beer they just drink what they steal from the fridge

>>17013366
That's what I'd do in the meat department if people were chill I'd put ribeye as sirloin and lobster as shrimp. Fuck the other people who were assholes though

>>17006781
>>17006849
Boohoo niggas, talk about food

>>17003460
I had a black boy ask me what my green lemon was while he was ringing me up.

>“This parsley has stabbed me,” said brave Alexander
>“If it had curly leaves, it’d been called ‘coriander’”

>>17025193
i read this in her voice