/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>16829523
>mom leaves me in the checkout line because she forgot something

>>16829523
HEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLPPPPPP!!!!

>>16829523
>mfw its a penis

>Did you place bags in the bagging area?

>>16829595
>tfw the cashier is almost done and she still hasn't come back yet

SHUT THE FUCK UP

Why does the machine even care? I don't have to put stuff in the bagging area to steal it. There are lots of other ways to slip it into my shopping when done.

>>16829523
>fuck it ill come back when im less stressed

>expected item in bagging area

>respected item in bagging area

>>16829595
It is my opinion that if one has never felt a large degree of anxiety from this happening, then he does not belong on 4chan.

>trying to ring out my green peppers
>asks me for code
>peppers have no fucking sticker on them so idk the code
>start searching through the longass produce list
>jump to G
>no green peppers button
>re-read the whole page ten times like i'm crazy there are no green peppers in the G page
>spam through the pages
>find it
>it's in P listed as 'Peppers Bell Green'
>finally get to push the god damn button
>"Please weigh your Green Bell Peppers"
>mfw

>>16830848
Ma! Get your dumb waddling ass back here. What the fuck you expect me to pay for the groceries?

>>16829523
OP put the candy back, your mom said no, and the self-checkout caught you too.

>>16831330
>asks me for code
>push whatever letter i think might be right
>i don't see it immediately on the first page
>just push whatever is cheapest per pound
The wagies are never looking close enough to tell the difference.

>>16829523
>self-check out
>error
>have to talk to an employee

>>16829523
>scan cough syrup
>"Please wait for assistance..."

>>16830072
Black hanekawa is better

>>16829523
>90% of the traditional grocery lanes are closed because chink virus
>faggot ass self checkout is open and it's a tightly packed morass of humanity
Cool.

>>16831659
Dude, just walk strait out. No one cares at Super- Markets.

>self serve is closed
>have to go through checkout lane with condoms

>>16831681
I don't live in a culturally enriched area. people do actually care here.

>>16831713
I do that all the time with astroglide. My niece likes the sweet glycerin taste. Not even kidding.

>>16831385
This is what an entrapment GLOW shill looks like giving bad advice so people actually do stupid shit and go to jail

>>16831681
ENTRAPMENT SHILL GIVING BAD ADVICE TO RUIN LIVES FUCK YOU ASSHOLE

>>16831766
It's more likely a random anon that has at one point thought "what if I did" and then came here and thought well, here people will believe it so I'm gonna larp. Cause we've all thought about what if and how easy it'd be.

>>16831778
>>16831385
>>16831681
All the same person

>>16831766
Yes because we WANT more work.

>>16831781
4chan is being raided EVEN MORE than normal with glow shills trying to get peoples lives ruined.

>>16831789
Sadists don't give a shit at the end of the day. They just enjoy any and all suffering. Sadists are in some ways all hidden masochists and are willing to suffer if they made someone else suffer more. sadists love being shills because they get to mislead more people into a downward spiral.

you all need JESUS CHRIST

>>16831681
>>16831385
Islam is right about thieves.
This applies to you disgusting savages that steal grapes out of the bag too

>>16831795
You are trolling and wasting your time. Leave.

>>16829523
>think you're the biggest nervous pussy in the world
>internet shows you tens of thousands are far worse

>>16831804
>You are trolling and wasting your time. Leave.
I'm as serious as you are so I guess it will always be a mystery.
>Leave.
and go where? we're all in hell right now. that's what this world is. Imagine if you spent all that time and effort making it better instead of worse. thousands of years. what a world of difference we would have.

>>16831824
Things are the grestest they have ever been for mankind. More people are wealthier, healthier and have more free time than any time in history. There has never been as good welfare in history. The issue lies with you

>>16831839
>Things are the grestest they have ever been for mankind. More people are wealthier, healthier and have more free time than any time in history. There has never been as good welfare in history. The issue lies with you
Uh huh, yea that's where your argument ends as usual, there's no logic or reasoning or facts behind or beyond that hollow overused statement backed up only by the shaky foundations of denial for just how truly fucked we all are. But hey gotta stay positive. no sarcasm on that last bit.
Ask yourself this: "Why do I do what I do?" try it out.

>>16831739
everybody gonna ignore this guy that rapes his niece?

>>16831866
You will never be able to persuade me nor anyone except you mentally ill doomsayers that we are not living in the greatest time. Stock market is great too.

Just quit. You keep saying that trash you might start believing it.

>>16831385
>>16831330
>"accidentally" forget to scan my sauce bottles because i'm in a "rush"
whoops. sorry wagies.

>>16831877
I don't. She just likes the taste. It's sugary. Why did you bring in rape?

>>16831713
>local supermarket is the only fucking woolies without a self checkout
at least all the people who work their are fat so i don't feel that ashamed

>working the self-checkout and laughing at the custies who can barely buy groceries with both verbal and visual instructions

>>16831892
i'll leave the truth up to the FBI when they read the tip i sent them

>>16831883
>You will never be able to persuade me nor anyone except you mentally ill doomsayers that we are not living in the greatest time. Stock market is great too.
This is something only said by people who are doing well enough in the moment to be in denial, but the moment your precious stock market starts behaving like a rigged las vegas slot machine, you precious false god starts to favor someone else other than you, then I assume you'll just make up some other cheap excuse to say like some fancy motto.

Honestly I swear I'm not trying to be depressing, just being realistic. sugarcoated shit is still shit, I don't know why people like to pretend that we're all living in a cartoon.

>Just quit.
At least video games have a quit button, but I can't seem to find it or even the main menu.

>You keep saying that trash you might start believing it.
don't need to believe facts. the truth is.

But seriously I have faith in God. We may be doomed but God will save us from this evil world, including those terrible self check out lines.

>>16831713
>>16831899
First time I got condoms was right before I lost my virginity to a hooker. I felt no shame withdrawing a large amount of money from the ATM and then asking the dude at the counter for some ultrathin condoms.

>>16831926
You need to learn to count your blessings. Stock Market isn't everything and if you are smart enough to diversify, it won't really affect you.

We could be in your version of heaven and you would still find fault. You are doomed to live in a closed off shuttered world of your choosing. It is your choice. Don't try bringing down all the people having the time of our lives. Hint: It wont work and you are only hurting yourself.

Cheer up kiddo and don't believe all that liberal bs they teach you in school.

>>16831890
i bought a trash can once at what's normally supposed to be a self-serve checkout, there was a bitch standing there who scanned all my items for me, and checked that i didn't put anything inside the trash can. it's kinda nerve-wracking that all self-checkout lanes treat you like thieves, and they can't be entirely unmanned, so their name and purpose are both almost entirely useless. they're basically just express checkouts where the cashier doesn't help they just stare at you with accusing eyes, and come over to swipe their card when you fuck it all up. how about instead of paying the wagie to stand and watch 4 self-checkouts, and the 4 glowies watching all the cameras in the store that you're not stealing, you just pay those people to operate 5 more regular checkout lanes so i can get the fuck home quicker? leave like 1 unmanned self-checkout for people who are just buying grapes or a card and point a wagie cashier lane at it so they can work while knowing people aren't fucking stealing if it's that big of an issue.

>>16831987
That is why you should just walk out nonchalantly.

>>16829595
My mom would send me to get the item

>>16831713
While I was in college I was confused why they had the condoms behind the counter at the gas station until my friend pointed out to me people are too embarrassed to buy them so it's stolen a lot. And here I would be joking with the cashier about how we both knew where they were about to end up because it was a funny situation to me

>>16832005
Without her?

>>16831993
this. don't look sus. you forgot to scan that pack of TP? honest mistake ;). only really works if you're buying a lot of stuff though.

>>16831965
>You need to learn to count your blessings.
Everyone does. If they did, they wouldn't destroy what is good every day.

>Stock Market isn't everything and if you are smart enough to diversify, it won't really affect you.
If you play the game long enough, the game plays you.

>We could be in your version of heaven and you would still find fault.
No I would not.
>You are doomed to live in a closed off shuttered world of your choosing.
>It is your choice.
Just because some people choose doom doesn't mean that I am doomed with them because I point out the wrong with the doom that they are creating. The definition of the suffering of this world is people forcing other people into things they did not choose. It's one of the most common themes.

>Don't try bringing down all the people having the time of our lives. Hint: It wont work and you are only hurting yourself.
Three things
>Isaiah 14
>“A time is coming when men will go mad, and when they see someone who is not mad, they will attack him, saying, 'You are mad; you are not like us.” -st Antony the great
And I think it's important to point out that the messenger that points out the wrong is not the same thing as the wrong they point out.

>>16831839
The Industrial Revolution has been a disaster for humanity

>>16832035
Got so much free stuff at Sams club that way. They only scan two items and maybe count but will normally let you go.

Also get a huge insulated zip up tote bag and complain you gotta drive two hours on the way out. They will be more busy talking to you than look closely in the bag.

>>16832038
Yeah, must be why our lifespan doubled.

Geeze you guys lol.

>>16831993
>>16832035
Stop trying to entrap people into ruining their lives with bad advice of criminal acts. You only say these terrible things because you hope someone will eventually listen.

>>16832045
>Yeah, must be why our lifespan doubled.
Slaves that live longer...

>>16832034
Yeah. When my grandma found out she fucking flipped because this was in the early 90s when the news was constantly going on about pedophiles abducting kids everywhere and we lived in "the big city"... of 50k people

>>16832035
Did someone say
>sus

>>16832046
stfu faggot, i say these things because i hate big corporations and feel nothing when i steal from them

>>16832045
realistically it only increased by about 15 years, but i would sacrifice that for a life less dehumanizing, isolated, and stressful

>>16832041
that's some awful advice you glow shill

>>16830848
thats the most common denominator experience anywhere

>>16832060
Nah you're trying to fuck people over. Cmon, you hope they will break the law so you can laugh at them in handcuffs, life ruined even worse than before.

>>16831579
this but metamucil

>>16832067
Makes sense to stuff your insulated bag after check out duh. Think they are gonna make you take all the shit out of a huge bag? Nah. Scan two and go.

>>16832073
>thats the most common denominator experience anywhere
well then maybe more people belong on 4chan

>>16832078
you believe whatever helps you sleep at night buddy

>>16831921
Are you samefagging? Real edgy post there

>>16830470
>Why does the machine even care? I don't have to put stuff in the bagging area to steal it. There are lots of other ways to slip it into my shopping when done.
name some quick ideas, please

>>16832131
Teleportation, PTHC exposure.

>>16832083
Just remember everyone there are bad people out there giving bad advice on purpose because they enjoy it when people suffer and they think it's funny. Don't listen to them, I don't care if you hate corporations, it's not worth it to end up in jail, because the world is already a jail and we're already in it. It's like being in a jail inside a jail, kind of like being inside a black hole inside a black hole, liek you slipped on a banana and fell through into neil degrass tysons asshole
https://vo.codes/tts/result/TR:5tyvjsbkj1e8td8gssgh8jjf1faym

>>16831920
>>working the self-checkout and laughing at the custies who can barely buy groceries with both verbal and visual instructions
do you care when white people steal small things?

>>16832123
cringe

>>16832137
What's PTHC? Sounds delicious.

>no Mr. Area...
>I expect you to die

>>16832123
thats not what that means underage b&

>>16830848
Whenever my mom did that I would sprint through the store because I didn't want to hold up the line
I hated it

>>16832150
Thieves of any color are subhuman filth

>>16831659
>half of the people in self checkout have loaded trolleys

>>16832236
good goy

>>16829523
>please weigh your produce item
>hold it to make it as light as possible
>1/2 off price

>>16832285
I used to only use self checkout because i didnt want to talk to people and forgot how much faster it is to have a bagger and cashier ring you up until I had to do it and I'm never going back to doing a full cart at the self aisle

>>16832296
>place in bagging area, pressure plates detect the discrepancy and the machine yells at you

>>16832285
>>16832329
I fucking h8 you people. Well since you've learned the error and changed whatever but they really should put like a 12 items or less sign on that shit.

>>16832345
My store has three different self check aisles
1. 10 items or less, no carts allowed
2. 20 items or less
3. 20 or more items
The last one has a conveyor belt system but it usually clogs so it's not the most convenient

>>16832329
>forgot how much faster it is to have a bagger and cashier ring you up
they always pack it badly, soft stuff on the bottom, cold stuff near warm stuff. they just throw it in the bag willy nilly
>>16832345
just 'bump' into the trolley and go off at them for having it in the way, bonus points if it slides into their untamed child

>>16832364
My grocery store starts people at 17$/hr and I live in a cheap place in flyover land so we have decent baggers not a bunch of 17 year olds

>>16832223
>>16832155
Are you still the same poster? Are you acryally not know what samefagging means?

Just pay for your shit and leave what the fuck is this thread even supposed to mean?

>>16832546
>t. Never bought 30 pounds of carrots

>>16832546
I tried leaving once before the female employee came to silence the machine's dreadful incantation and I ended up pissing my pants and shidding my pants don't do it guys, always wait for the employee

>>16832131
Just don't scan it lmao, scan some cheap stuff, pay while stuffing the rest in the shopping bag, leave.

suck your mother's dildo glowie niggers

>>16832131
put it in your pocket? leave it in the basket and put it in the bag after you pay? Sit it on reader then take it when your done? Who's gonna stop you? What are they gonna say? Did you take that snickers? Yeah so what? Open that shit up right there while checking out and say you paid.

>>16831877

>>16832329
Costco is the only place I don't use self checkout. Everywhere else I can get through it faster than the clerks can.

>>16833306
meant for >>16831877

>>16833309
I fucked it up twice

>>16831877
It's possible for a niece to reach the age of consent, virgin.

>>16831385
I put rutabagas in as turnips one time because they didn't program the rutabagas into the system and then the machine glitched and an old lady came over to fix it and asked if I knew these were rutabagas not turnips in a tone that told me she knew exactly what I did and then lectured me for a minute on how different they looked and said the word rutabagas very slowly while holding the bag of them up to my face. so not only did she check but she also happened to be some kind of grouchy tuber master on the lookout for rutabaga thieves.

>>16833307
wow, very impressive

>>16833395
And what happened when she couldn't find rutabagas in the system?

>>16833219
>pay while stuffing the rest in the shopping bag,
wat?

craziest shit i ever saw was when they had the scan gun in walmart and you scan what you loADED into your cart and then paid at the end, 2for1 everything

>>16833307
but if you self-checkout at costco you can skip the retard receipt checker lines walking out

>>16833408
she input some number I think. there was no menu option to get to it - had to know the number and they had no stickers.

>>16833405
Not a compliment to myself, the other option is Safeway and their clerks in my area are incredibly slow. Minimum 3 people in line at any register any time of day. If I'm buying alcohol with my groceries, it's faster to self-checkout everything else then stop at the liquor store on the same strip than it is to wait through regular checkout.

>>16831385
>buying shirts
>scan same one 4 times
>one of them was more expensive than the others

>>16833395
should have called it a swede to fuck with her

>>16833426
well thats a little different anon if you count wait times from customers ahead of you, but i get what you mean

>move bag of chips past scanner
>It doesn't scan
>machine immediately calls employee over while playing back my attempt at scanning

>>16832085
Maybe everyone is but nobody admits it

>total is $19.25
>Give cashier $20 bill + 25cents
>Expect dollar
>Cashier gets severer anxiety

>>16832337
stores I go to don't give a fuck, let you just back in your cart even

>>16833522
>miss scanning item
>hear gun being cocked

>>16832537
>acryally
he cant even type. thats how flustered he is

>>16830848
Did your mom hold your hand when writing this post?

>>16833753
You got me good samefagger how wil I ever recover from your anime retardpost?

>>16831839
>More people are wealthier, healthier and have more free time than any time in history.
People had FAR more free time before the industrial revolution.

>>16829523
>Premium shopping bag costs a decent bit
>Go to self check out
>Select my produce to weigh
>Hold the big bag of produce a bit anyway to make it weigh less by a mile
>"Please put item in the bagging area"
>Drop it in the premium shopping bag without scanning it and drop it all in the bagging area
G-G-G-G-G-G-G-UNIT!

>>16829595
God, my wife does this to me.
My mother did it when I was a child.
I mean I can pay for the groceries but it's the holding the line up while my wife goes and gets tampons or peanut butter that sends anxiety through the roof.

>>16833547
close to the truth anon

I don't buy lemons anymore because the self checkout never takes them. It doesn't matter if I scan them, enter the PLU, or pick from the pictures, it calls the attendant. There's always one cashier open even in the morning and she's usually not busy but I head for the self checkout anyway, sometimes after making eye contact.

>>16831713
>no pullout game
ngmi

>>16833588
I pay like that and still had to take a moment when people would do that to me as a cashier, something about being under pressure. I also remember being 19 as a cashier, when for the first time some guy paid $11 for a $6 total and i had no idea what was happening

>>16831681
Nigger spotted

>>16829523
Do you guys prefer self check out or the old fashioned wagie doing it for you? I can't stand dealing with the machine, especially when it micromanages the weight you apploto the bagging area.

>>16834544
* apply to

How the fuck to people manage to fuck up as something as simple as self-checkout?
>unexpected item..
Stop trying to steal shit, then.
Or at least learn how to do it right and which stores have more easily exploitable self-scans in minecraft.

>self-checkouts closed
>have to use a normal checkout person
>she's cute

>Boomers here are mouth breathing mongoloids
>Self checkout is always open

>based item in bagging area

>>16834549
It does it to me randomly all the time, it happens so often at the stores that the workers just come over and swipe their staff card to bypass it without even looking at the items. Everyone can still steal because it's almost always a false alarm.

>>16833796
No, it was your mom and she was holding my penis not my hand she was holding.

>at the self-checkout machine
>time to pay
>stick my card into the reader slot
>"CHIP ERROR"
>take out my card
>it's COVERED in feces
>some fucker stuffed shit into the card slot
>hear laughing and bells jingling behind me
>mfw the Safeway Jester got me again

>>16831713
I remember thinking and discussing a similar thing with some friends once about adult magazines and the embarrassment that surely must be felt when you have to go to the till and get served by a woman.

>>16831330
>get the most expensive apples and plums at the store
>every one has a sticker with the code
>look up item anyways
>search onions, yellow
>weigh overpriced fruit as onions
>give myself 75% discount
>wagies wouldn't even care if I told them what I was doing

>>16831839
Wrong. We have the highest rates of suicide, homelessness, drug addiction, and wealth inequality in world history.

You mean the self-steal lane?

>have a bunch of small items you know won't register because they're too light
>have to call the overseer five times in a row to confirm I'm not stealing cotton candy and tissues

>>16834960
>won't register because they're too light
not how barcode scanners work, darkskin

>>16833989
Tampons? Wife? Wtf wife must be permanently pregnant. Do you even pol, bro? Praise Kek maga!!!

>>16834970
What do you think a bagging area is you fucking buffoon?

>>16834974
A scale hooked up to the individual product weight, I have never had an item be too light that it didn't register on the scale. Stop being a nigger

>>16834975
That's because the only thing you buy at the store is 20lb bags of nuggets and cases of mountain dew.

>>16829595
dude, especially when they take like 99 years to come back with ONE FUCKING ITEM
like fuck you, I'm not waiting with your shit if you're the one paying, I'll go get it for you

>>16834975
Not that anon, but I’ve had it happen a few times with things like dish sponges and coffee filters.

>>16833426
>If I'm buying alcohol with my groceries,
uggggghhhh, in cali if your buying alcohol, you gotta get in line with those 3 slow people. i think in some states its even worse. like the cashier has to have a license to sell it to you and they only have one licesned register open, sometimes that guy has to go on 15min break

>>16833588
>>total is $19.25
>>Give cashier $20 bill + 25cents
>>Expect dollar
>>Cashier gets severer anxiety
i always say "here is twenty dollars and then another 25cents" so they hear it and then think about it, instead of just handing it to them.

>>16833890
>People had FAR more free time before the industrial revolution.
get on welfare, my nig

>>16835203
As someone that was once a cashier, they're panicking because they want to be completely sure you aren't trying to pull a fast one for more money, which is unfortunately a common occurrence.

>>16834771
could you put produce stickers on fancy cheese?

>Try to hang flimsy reusable cotton bag on the self-checkout plastic bag rack
>a half second passes
>"DID YOU PUT BAGS IN THE BAGGING AREA?"
>still fucking around with getting bag one to hang up
>a half second passes
>"DID YOU PUT BAGS IN THE BAGGING AREA?"
>unfolding bag 2 to hang it up
>a half second passes
>"DID YOU PUT BAGS IN THE BAGGING AREA?"
>get bag 2 hung
>a half second passes
>"DID YOU PUT BAGS IN THE BAGGING AREA?"
>unfold bag 3
>a half second passes
>"DID YOU PUT BAGS IN THE BAGGING AREA?"
>have to rotate the carousel-thing to access another hanger
>a half second passes
>"DID YOU PUT BAGS IN THE BAGGING AREA?"
>hang bag 3
>a half second passes
>"DID YOU PUT BAGS IN THE BAGGING AREA?"
I fucking hate that computerized voice, I hate my shitty reusable bags, I want to blow my fucking brains out.
Yes, I put bags in the bagging area, no I can't fucking put them up quickly enough so you have to harangue me for being a palsied fucking gimp.

>>16831330
Lol I always lie. I'll buy Serrano's and put jalapenos. I'll hold the bag up to lighten the load. I'll hold two items one with a barcode up and the other down so I pay for one.

If I'm going to have to scan shit myself they're gonna end up losing money. I don't work there.

>>16835364
I hold two because now they will "detect" that you missed swiping an item just with the camera. Even if you did scan it correctly

>>16829523
You’re baggage anon.
A useless dead weight that burdens society.

>>16832080

Self checkout has made it a lot easier to buy embarrassing items. Now I can buy my weekly supply of condoms, duct tape, ski masks, utility -knife blades, garbage bags, bleach, and paper towels without having to strenuously avoid eye contact with the cashieress.

>>16831921
thats the most gay post ive ever read here and ive been here on the four-chins for 34 years

>>16831839
You do know there's a pandemic on, right?

>>16829595
>>16830446
>>16830848
I never felt anxiety from this shit, I felt anger like if someone wants to cut in front I just let them because maybe you should know what you need before getting in line.

The worst part is people who do this are so inconsiderate they will walk slowly and take their time.

>>16831877
Uncle anon cannot be stopped.

>>16829595
IT'S GONNA BE OKAY, BRO! SHE'LL BE BACK!

>walking down the cookie aisle looking for Mallomars
>all of a sudden I hear him
>he's hooting and screaming and laughing
>the grocery store jester yanks down my pants and spanks my ass red
>he skips away hooting and laughing
>I'm crying and embarrassed
>girl at the checkout laughs at me

>TRANS action complete

>>16831795
Why would the gorgeous ladies of wrestling care what I steal from the grocery store?

>>16831883
The stock market is bottoming out you tard

>>16832226
LMAO did the exact same thing and then my mom would yell at me when we lost our spot in line

>>16831766
>giving bad advice so people actually do stupid shit and go to jail
People dont go to jail for underpaying on their organic tomatoes by punching them in as regular

>>16834972
Why would she need tampons if she's pregnant incel?

>>16834975
Boosters of magic cards at Walmart don't work unless you slap a second booster in the bag. I made an extra $15000 last year on buying magic and Pokemon cards at Walmart and selling them online. I'm the reason they lock up and limit cards now

>>16835212
Just put in the code for bananas for your meat and good cheese since it's sold by the pound

>>16831330
4011
Thank me later

>>16832554
>carrots
>not bananas
Shiggy

>>16837984
stop the baby from getting out

>>16829595
aghhhhhh FUCK

>>16832045
That was 100% due to medical advances dropping childbirth and infant deaths. Ignorant urban redneck.

>>16831839
Wrong on every count

Yep, your mum on my bed last night

>>16831993
>security janny is following you like in an assassins creed stealth mission
>have a bag full of pilfered goods
>get right to the scanner, stop, turn around, make eye contact with janny, then drop the bag and walk out cause you didn't commit any crimes
>wagie has to clean it up

>>16837434
>it's a slow day today
>just go in for my hotpockets and get out
>in
>and out
>quietly tiptoe into the store, whole place is dead quiet
>weave my way through the produce section and into the freezers
>not a single thing stirred
>not any employees, screaming children..
>not even the local herd of mart-sharters around to shit things up
>but there they are!
>those hot pockets
>i reach for the door with a weary hand
>but then a jingle
>then a giggle
>i must run, but i can't
>it's not fear, but it's
>fucking
>maple syrup
>sweet and sticky
>a jingle
>a giggle
>even closer now
>i struggle to free myself from the sweet shackles of tree cum gluing me to the floor
>a jingle
>a giggle
>in my ear
>i feel a finger slip inside my mouth, meandering it's way under and over my tongue
>i want to cry out but..
>i know it's too late
>the grocery store jester looms over me like a cat over a mouse
>oh god not again
>he slowly drops my pants
>i face the cold glass, knowing exactly what's coming
>but i only see my pitiful reflection, staring back
>pleading
>i can't help him
>so i just close my eyes and wait for it to be over

>>16831877
probably consensual sex, not rape you sick fuck.

>>16834544
I always go through the cashier lanes if I can. I prefer my highschoolers doing menial work in the shop than in the car park smashing trolleys into my car.

>>16837984
Lmao you keep her pregnant permanently, fucking retard
Imagine having a wife and not having her pooping out babies every 11 months

>>16831391
i just leave the shit and walk out

>>16831713
>condoms
faggot. also literally no one cares what you buy.

>>16829595
Why does this induce everything from panic to frustration? Fuck.

>>16834544
i only go to aldi because they have the best checkout in the world. they dont talk to you and they scan your shit so fucking fast. they are like robots or something, they could probably replace them with robots and most people wouldn't notice.

>>16834719
>he doesnt use tap and go

>>16829595
>That was the last time I ever saw her

>>16837445
>awagietryingtohidehisshame.jpg

>>16832057
sussus amogus

>>16829595
>mom leaves kid in the checkout line because she forgot something
>kid asks me to please scan slowly
>scan everything as fast as I possibly can
>give him the total and ask cash or credit
>mom isnt back yet
>he starts crying
fuck kids

>>16834173
>>16838328
do you guys really not use condoms?

>>16831643
>Black Hanekawa
>White

>>16835369
Just swipe two things at the same time, lmao. But make sure you're good at ensuring no one is around to watch you closely.

>>16831877
He said she enjoys it

>>16829523
>Crowded bagging area with long line.
>Start scanning groceries.
>Get to Paqi One Chip Challenge box.
>"ID CHECK REQUIRED. PLEASE WAIT FOR ASSITANT."
>Feel like I am gonna get stabbed for holding up a kiosk.

Seriously, Kroger? Felt like I was in the UK or some shit.

>OI, YOU GOT A CHIP LOICENSE?

>>16831713
>buy large condoms
>give the checkout girl a look
>she never makes eye contact
one day...

>buy organic produce
>ring it up as the cheap shit
>buy serano peppers
>ring them up a jalapeños

>>16831330
Top kek

>spend half an hour shopping
>go to pay
>contact less only
_forgot credit card
>cashier bitch won't accept cash
Fml

>>16831713
>condoms behind a locked glass box
>call employee to open it for me
>it’s a classmate of mine

>>16839375
Never shop there again

The first time I tried shop lifting I got busted, I was 13 and took band aids out of a box at a grocery store and some security lady was following me. My friend cried when she brought us in the office. They put me in the back of a cop car to bring me home. So I that taught me valuable lesson to make sure I don't get caught. Only ever really stole Rolo bars from the dollar store after that though, and a couple PS2 games.from Walmart.

>>16838014
thx!

>>16834719
based old anon

>>16838576
based beyond belief

>>16838922
i have a gf who is on birth control and loves when i cum inside her. and we never want kids so she said if she did somehow get pregnant she would just abort it.

>>16831713
I used to make the food orders for my restaurant. I'd call the sysco like place and then just say number codes and the person on the other end would repeat what it was and I'd confirm.

Ordered a bucket of "large dill pickles", said the number only to be responded to with:
>Large Dick ---
>Large dill pickles

Awkward silence on my end, just kept going with the other like nothing happened...

>>16829523
>>Unexpected item in bagging area

Always keep them on their toes anons

>>16838292
The ones smashing trolleys into cars were never going to work there in the first place

>18 self checkouts in a boxed in area
>has two entrances and 2 separate lines
>when a checkout becomes available, theres a person at the front of each line who wants to take it
who the fuck thought that would be a good idea

>>16835398
>buy my weekly supply of condoms, duct tape, ski masks, utility -knife blades, garbage bags, bleach, and paper towels without having to strenuously avoid eye contact with the cashieress.
>oh no met eyes with her
>panic
>cash or credit anon
>oh cash s-sorry
>14 and 27 is your change
>th-thank you see you tonight!

>>16840749
you're a lucky guy to have a girl that based

>>16831385
I think that's what the employees do half the time too.

>>16837923

>>16839344
You're socializing the cost of your produce elitism

>>16841283
looks like almost all time highs to me

>>16829595
>you hear your name and somebody asking you to come to the service desk over the intercom because you wandered away in Ames

>>16829523
>tap "I am using my own bag"
This is a non-issue.

>>16834972
>this is actually what 2020 election tourists think /pol/ is

>>16838576
The birth of a supervillain

>>16839701
t. Bart Simpson

>>16831713

>>16834574
>it's deenz restock day

>>16829523
>Buy discounted item
>When you get home and check the receipt you see you paid full price

>>16831713
Yeah how embarassing, having sex like a normal person

>self checkout
It's just worse than a regular register
>scan and go/handheld scanner
This is the future

>>16829523
>mum took the hoisin sauce to an exorcism.
>it's just hoi sauce now.
>flavour sucks

>cashier asks if I want a bag, say no I have my own, cashier starts giving me a bag, repeat myself, get home and check the receipt, reusable bag - $0.15

>>16843814
>thinking all the people who won't put back there carts will not destroy expensive scanning equipment
Don't feel bad though, there are a lot of great ideas ruined by other people being shit.

>>16843843
It will be on their own phones.

>>16843843
>expensive scanning equipment
It's a phone app in Australia

>>16843845
>>16843849
Custies will figuratively shit their pants and literally say they don't know how to use a smart phone.

>>16843852
Brainlets will go through the manned checkout like always.

>>16830848
>It is my opinion

>Go to grocery store to buy beer for the day/week/to drink the minute I get home because fuck you I drink when I want
>Go to the cash register
>SIR YOU CAN'T BUY THAT YET, IT'S NOT THE MAGIC HOUR, ARE YOU MAD? THE STARS HAVE YET TO ALIGN, YOU'LL BRING A PLAGUE UPON US ALL!
>Walk around the store for a half hour or whatever till I can buy it
>Thanks for shopping! Did you find everything you were looking for?
I've googled this a million fucking times and in my state you can buy beer at ANY TIME except 3 am to 8 am on sundays only, and yet every other store I go to has their own rules on when they feel like selling it. I work night shift, 6 am is when I get out. Walmart employees of all people looking down on me like OOH MY GOODNESS, TRYING TO BUY BOOZE BEFORE THE ANNOINTED HOUR? HEAVENS! Man fuck you im tired I want a drink before I go to bed. As if the time restriction would do anything to a real alcoholic anyways. Am I the only person who goes out to shop early and sets up for the week? What the fuck man.

>>16843757
If she even asks, just say they're for your cat. Women love it when you spoil those furry little niggers.

>>16844149
they just follow the rules because they don't want to get fired, you realize that right? It's not like they actually care about some sad drunk buying beer at 7am on a sunday
>b-but nobody would know!!1
The register doesn't allow processing alcoholic beverages until 8am.
>reeeeeeeeeee
cope, drunkie

>>16844180
Hey man, I never give the cashiers a tough time, I know it's just the rules. I just don't get why every other store has their own particular rules for when they feel like selling an item that is legal to purchase 24 hours a day 6 days out of the week, or why they act like you just strangled a puppy because you rolled up to the cash register at 7:52 as if I've waited for some unwholesome hour and haven't missed the window by a literal 8 minutes. Don't know why you'd get so upset over it though anon, maybe you should have a drink - could help you unwind.

>>16829595

fucking hate this shit especially as a kid

on the few occasions i do shop with my mother now, if she's not there when it's our turn i just put everything in as normal and fuck her.

>>16831330
>move to Australia
>first time shopping
>automatic checkout at woolies
>green bell pepper
the worst part is it's impossible to explain what you're confused about to the cashier

>>16829595
>>16833989
I'm a 41 year old man and my wife still does this shit to me. If she's off running to grab something and I come up to the register, I'll just step out of line and wait for her psychotic ass. She always comes back like, "What are you doing? Why did you get out of line?!" It's like, bitch, you seriously expected me to just stand there and smile at that checkout clerk and the half dozen people behind me like a chucklefuck, didn't you?

>>16830848
Not all of us are hopelessly autistic spergs, bud.

>>16844694
You LIAR.

>>16844149
>As if the time restriction would do anything to a real alcoholic anyways
You are correct, they do not. Just makes me buy enough during the heavenly hours and days to last through the nighr/Sunday.

>>16831766
Based.
Big bell pepper wont ketch us slipping this time.

>>16844666
>I'm a 41 year old man and my wife still does this shit to me. If she's off running to grab something and I come up to the register, I'll just step out of line and wait for her psychotic ass. She always comes back like, "What are you doing? Why did you get out of line?!" It's like, bitch, you seriously expected me to just stand there and smile at that checkout clerk and the half dozen people behind me like a chucklefuck, didn't you?
Just check out completely, and when they come back, they go to the back of the line and buy their one item separately. That's how you handle it. You can even go out to the car ahead of them and start on loading it up.
Eventually, they will be fine with getting into the 10 items lane on their own, or they will start using a list. But, you are fine to draw a line at making other people wait on you. When I go to Publix and they actually ask did you find everything, you can say, uhh, no I forgot the buns, and that bagboy and race and them for you, sent by the actual cashier to do it.

>>16844725
>and that bagboy and race and them for you
? Stroke?

>Ask whether they want help with the bagging as it's a requirement
>Don't mind helping old people or cripples
>Fat fuck 30 year old says "yeah" and just stands there while I do it for him
>Intentionally and subtly break his food items as I put them into the bag
>Fresh crusty french loaf? Not anymore bucko
>Bag of chips? Bag of dust now
>He leaves thanking me not knowing I've sabotaged his food and will think it just got smashed in the food

>>16844982

>>16844982
>smashed in the food
meant smashed in the car

>"age verification required, show ID to attendant"
>start pull out driver's license
>"oh you're obviously old enough"

>>16844330
You just whip your dick out and stick it in right there in the store?

>>16843845
>>16843849
I'm not carrying my phone to the store just so I can use a cart.

>>16838576

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=plPtZPem94o

>>16838184
>urban redneck

>>16845680

It'd be suburban and that makes it white-trash

>>16831391
I was once buying a bunch of ropes, hooks, and tape at Home Depot to play some BDSM games with my GF, and this happened.

>>16834544
never use self checkout unless they give you a discount to do so

>>16831775
>10 years ago giving bad advice and laughing at retards who take it (like fake coupon printouts) was the norm and literally 4chans motto (the storys here are fabrications yadda yadda only a fool)
>making both sides mad was the goal
>now today we have these lame ass moral crusaders or whatever
Man has this place fallen

>>16831866
>"Why do I do what I do?"
Because I want to, and no other time in history would let me do what I do now

>>16838184
>thats only because less babies are fucking dying
>thats not an advance, your baby not fucking dying isnt a quality of life improvement
Holy shit imagine having this mindset

>>16829523
>stolen bags of dog food because I forgot to put them on the bottom of the cart.

>>16839329
last time I bought a box of these going through a checkout lane the teenage whore checking me out immediately got flustered and clumsy the rest of the transaction lmao
I almost felt bad for her

>>16830446
What happens if they get to the end before your mom returns?

>>16844149
>fuck you I drink when I want
Sir please calm down

>>16844366
Capsicum
Zucchini
What are some other words we use in Aus that would be weird to a yank?

>>16845958
But all self checkouts have the expensive tomatoes weighed as cheap tomatoes discount :^)

>>16846354
>corriander
>chillies
>cornflour
>muesli
off the top of my head. Zucchini is pretty familiar, though idk if Americans call it something else. I'm from Canada.

>>16846439
Ah you're right courgette is used by brits, NZers and south africans.

>conflour
>coriander
These have actually fucked me over in the past when trying to make entirely from scratch tacos for the first time.

>>16846282
they take you to a backroom and announce loudly "lost adult child in checkout area, parent please return" I'm only saying this because it has happened to me.

>>16838576
Based, although respect to the kid for asking you to scan slowly, I would just mumble or not say anything

>>16846461
had a giggle at the thought of some poor aussie trying to use corn starch to make tortillas

>>16839329
Try buying three different sizes.

>>16846462
anon....

>>16832060
>>16831993
>>16832035
>>16832041

Your not doing anything to corporations. Your making a market untenable so they close it down and fuck over wagies and poor wagie consumers. Your literally a nigger from san Francisco that makes stores close down and make them wonder why the white man dosent give them gimmies.

>>16846590
Lmao 415 gang gang nigga

>be ~8yo or something
>"anon could you go go to the supermarket across the street and get some bread?"
>waltz in
>locate bread, baguettes nearly as tall as I am
>confidently strut out with my prize in hand, unopposed
>don't even realize I skipped checkout
>mom does, has to go back in and pay in my stead
I must have seemed quite sure of myself in my hyper-focused bread autism for no one to even think of stopping me, wish I had even half the confidence now

>>16845997
I got some of those fake coupons to work though

>>16844330
>if she's not there when it's our turn i just put everything in as normal and fuck her.
based mother fucker

>>16846700
>be ~10
>on the way to see grandma for her birthday
>stop by the supermarket to grab some ingredients
>while waiting I decide to get grandma some chocolate despite having no money
>grab the most expensive box of chocolate the supermarket sells
>walk right out past the checkout to the car with it my hand
>knew exactly what I was doing

I used to swap price tags back in the day. Taking a $2 price and swapping it out for one significantly more expensive.
No I didn't get caught.

>>16846462
Adult child holy fuck

>>16843767
same. but it was a hustler t-shirt from a sex store tha ti bought along with a dildo. and you can't exactly return stuff to a sex store...
so instead of paying $10 for the shirt i paid like $35 and didn't realize until i got home.

i don't even have the shirt anymore and i don't even know who the girl was that was on it.

>>16845336
>"can I see some ID?"
>hand the guy my licence
>he stares at it for a while
>"Huh, you look younger. Nice, man."
>been riding that high for 7 months

>>16831330

>>16830636
>>16830833
Kek, cute

>>16846282
One time when I was younger I was using my parent's credit card to buy groceries for the house and I forgot the pin. They just pulled the cart full of groceries to the side while I called my mom, and they just moved on to the next person. If they've scanned everything they have a record and receipt they can still print, and then once you're ready they can just enter the total back into the register and have you pay it.

>>16837445
Grim

>>16831877
We’re not supposed to talk bad about Hunter Biden. We might go to jail.

>>16850054
that was consentual, chud

>>16831839
Other people's suffering doesn't invalidate mine

>>16833588
>Cashier gives me wrong change
>Point out she gave me wrong change
>She gets flustered
>Tells me it's right change
>It's more change than I'm entitled to
>Tell her it's the wrong change
>She gets mad
>Insists it's the right change
>Insists I take it and leave

>>16850085
Sounds like a case of the autisms. Did you just point it out or hand her the extra change?

''Unexpected Item''

Steal it, Faggot.

in Finland where I live all the SOK chain stores (S-market and Prisma mostly) don't have any baggage area scales so it's easy as fuck to steal shit. Their loss prevention is non-existent if you know how to play the game. I used to steal a lot, basically 1-2 items every time I went for groceries but eventually stopped since it got old. I never needed to steal but I always wanted to steal, and still do, just not from supermarkets

I had a few tactics I would deploy, a common thing being i just look like a regular adult, maybe a bit upscale since I don't wear cargo shorts or t-shirts as opposed to some "adults"

I would scout the self service checkout, if the "overseer" cashier was a young person who didn't seem so interested in the job, I would always pick that sector (in prisma there are several self service checkouts of 4 units under one "overseer") to do my stealing. old "overseers" were alwaysa too dependent on their dead end job and would pay more attention

if the self-service checkout was not an easy one, I would just scan an item twice, call the overseer over to cancel that item from the list and as he/she is walking back to their overseeing spot I would beep one item and quickly pass on another item so it would not seem to them in any care that I'd be stealing shit

they won't do shit if you steal small. people try to steal expensive steaks, those hardly pass as accidental. I would scan a pepsi max 4 pack as an individual bottle and one time this estonian old hag caught me, called the supervisor over and he just corrected the sales line and I paid something like 2.60€ more. ever since that incident the old hag would recognize me but I'd always play it clean. I intentionally would annoy her by apparently stealing something only to call in the "overseer" to correct sales line before payment. she never said anything but every time the other checkouts were closed or she saw me, I would do the same shit over and over. fuck that old hag

>>16846700
Based use of "in my stead" anon. Haven't heard that term in too long

>>16838576
>also threaten to call police if he can’t pay just to fuck with him a bit more

>>16851855
That's because you're fucking a hundred

>>16829595
>I have to do this
>I literally sprint through the store in a direct beeline toward what I need
>someone with me has to do this
>they just walk casually
fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you

>about to buy a bunch of manchild shit like trading cards and anime merch
>all self-checkouts are out of order
>don't buy anything and leave
the day I got a debit card was the day I broke free from the shackles of embarrassment

>>16829595
You guys are all autistic and many other types of retardation I just let the person behind me go ahead while still keeping my place as next in line.
That is the normal thing to do

>>16852381
>You guys are all autistic
that goes without saying

>>16852381
What, you clear the conveyor?

>>16832053
>Anon speaks of 50k as if that is small
95% of towns in my country has less than 20k inhabitants.

>>16834771
>>16835212
>>16838007
>Walk out with a royal feast
>"Yup, just me and my 20 pounds of onions and 'nanners!"

>>16831839
>>>reddit

>>16834771
I believe I am morally obligated to do this. Since some percentage of people will always mark onions as plums, that means the store has to account for it when they're setting the average prices of everything.The prices of all items are increased just slightly to cover other people stealing. If I don't steal, I am being overcharged to enable other people to get free stuff. I ensure fairness at the register by "shrinking" 5-6% of what I buy every time I shop.

>>16845997
Dude, did you really think those fake coupons were a troll? Me and my friend esteban must've drank $300 worth of free monster before they got wise.

>>16831713
>barcode won't scan
>"Price check on EXTRA SMALL CONDOMS"
>mfw

>>16834544
Staffed lane since I literally never don't have alcohol in my cart so I have to call someone over anyway

>>16838014
>4011
>wasabi root

>>16839701
>permanent record says known aliases: THE BANDAID BANDIT

>>16844200
The register probably literally won't scan alcohol till the magic hour.