/ck/ - Food & Cooking

how many calories do you think that all is

>>16707328
Is this a double/triple date?

>>16707335
Comfortably above 400
>>16707346
This is what an average American couple eat

Got a date with a blue whale?

The brie hit the charcuterie too early. Yes it is supposed to be runny but not that runny.

Looks yummy

>>16707328
With Bigfoot?

this is some kind of key party orgy thing?

>>16707328
goddamn this looks so good, everything on this is love

>>16707328
Damn, date night with who? Jesse Lingard?>>16707346

>crackers instead of bread
god i fucking hate americans

>>16707397
I only recognize former actor james garner from that list.

>>16707328
damn nice set up my man would love to have gotten invited hope you have fun!

I don't like it when different foods touch each other

>>16707362
>he doesn't know about camembert

>>16707328
looks pretty good!
>>16707335
here's my guess

>>16707346
It's an orgy.

>all the cheese is cubed
I hate seeing this on a meat and cheese board. Sure, maybe someone did take time to cut a wedge of cheese into cubes, but 9 times out of 10 that's just some basic ass cheese that comes from a bag or plastic container and is low quality.
Same with the meats, it all looks like the first thing you can grab off a typical deli shelf.
I know I'm being autistic and sure, if you're having a get together then whatever. Most people won't care about the actual quality and would be wow'd by the large selection and presentation bit you just know all of that meat and cheese is sub-par.
It just feels like you should really only be putting good quality meats and cheeses on these boards because that's the focus of it all.
Fuck every restaurant that has jumped on this bandwagon too, I don't want your shitty Kraft cheese cubes

>>16707561

my farts have literally been smelling like something died in my asshole i’m not exaggerating
>drink 1 liters of wine per night
>moderate exercise
>mainly offal diet
>low stress lifestyle
>wear nightguard every night
>use psoriasis shampoo
What the fuck is wrong with me?

>>16707328
I hate people who make these only for the reason to make pictures of them. I'd guess that OP did a 1:1 copy of a picture he saw.

>>16707404
Another cunt seething over American superiority.

>>16707455
People like you need to be killed.

>soft cheese
gagging

>>16707635
Picture is from turkey though look at the funny letters on the jam

>>16707328
Nice :D i hope your date goes well.

>>16707346
Obviously one board is for him and the other for his date. That's a fairly small amount of food for an average sized person I'd say. I wouldn't want to eat both of them but I could easily.

>>16707543
Nice

>>16707574
cheese and meat at the quality youre talking about is too fucking expensive

>>16707561
Why do you need snacks for an orgy?

Bread?
Where is bread?

Just imagine the farts

>>16707543
>a thousand calories for a sleeve of crackers
??? what

>no little slice of baguettes
>half ot that shit is fruits
gay

>>16708012
virgins dont know about breaks during sex

>>16708096
You mean when she starts crying?

>>16708013
bread makes you bloated and sex and bloat don't mix

>>16707574
>all quality cheeses come in wheels
How unknowledgeable about cheese is your sheltered ass?

>>16707328
imagine kissing someone after eating all of that cheese

>>16707561
Fuck, just had a flashback to the humiliating time I was invited to an orgy. The person who invited me didn't show up so I didn't know anybody. Nobody wanted anything to do with me and I was just standing by the snack table for two hours before leaving early.

>CHARCUTERIE!!!!!!

:OOO!!!!

>>16707328
this is cheugy

Because the other thread was kill

>>16708497
I'm sure you do have to imagine kissing girls

>>16708012
hi yhwh

>>16707328
i don't go on dates. i go to bed early so i don't drink or perform any other type of self abuse on myself

>>16708012
you do in Am*rica

>>16708928
This is true, we also have women in our orgy's unlike yours.

>>16707574

You are such an overly pampered modern faggot.

>>16708968
You have to go over to the flour-trough and give 'em a good roll to figure out whether they're a woman first though.

>>16707328
can I come?

>>16708968
>we also have women in our orgy's
although not, apparently, an effective education.

>>16707328
for me, ill have
>bocconcini
>salami
>gabagoooooolllll
>brie
>procuito
>cherry tomatos
>olives

>>16707543
You have autism

>>16708497
it makes their pussy smell horrible, too.

>>16707328
Are you dating a 300 pound Texas hog?

>>16707328
>That's a cute meal you've made for me and all but where is the desert?

>>16707328
I don't see any dates?

>>16712867
the Sahara? the Gobi? the Sonoran?

>>16707328
OP is a fat bastard straight out of a hentai, dating a landwhale for some reason.

>>16708714
> no alcohol before bed
> no extra eating at night
> no eventual heartbreak
> no child support or alimony

you may be on to something sir

>>16707328
>the brie is out of the dish, sliced and already cold/solidified
ngmi

>>16708048
>what's carb for 400, alex

>>16707328
Yeah that should be enough to feed the guys for your wife's gangbang.

>>16707328
looks delicious anon. You having wine with that?

>>16707328
So which one of you is the ham planet?
That is quite the portion

>>16707650
It's probably from Germany. The jar says "Glück" (luck, happiness), which is a brand of jam sold in Germany.

>>16716023
it's the same country, retard.

>>16707574
Check em retard I cut this all my self, how do you like my iberico ham?

>>16707328
Fuck, I'd maybe put out for a charcuterie board like those.

>>16707574
based take.
definitely looks like presentation and selection compensating for quality.

>>16716194
that looks like better quality.

>>16716194
Asiago, romano, parmesan, maple walnut goat chees, Vermont cheddar, Buratta, munchigo, cranberry Wensleydale, marinated fresh mozzarella balls, garlic and herb borison cheese, aged goat cheese soaked in port wine.
Brown sugar turkey sausage, 2 hams 2 turkeys, roast beef, pastrami, pepperoni, iberico ham, chorizo, 4 kinds of salami.

>>16707328
Is she a great big fat girl?

The spread does look good.

>>16708561
Why do gay orgies have a fucking snack bar wtf

>>16713554
I wanted to talk shit at you but I happened to have a roll of digestives in the pantry and I went and looked at the calories on it.
Depending on the type of cracker, those numbers are completely realistic.

>>16707355
Yuropoors just watch in hunger at our wasteful decadence

>>16707346
looks like a small charcuterie desu

>>16707397
What's the difference between chicken tempura and tempura chicken

>>16708000
>checked
it used to not be, though

killer spread tho bruh

>>16707397
>halloumi fries

Is that good?

>>16707328
Everything on these plates is from Edeka, isn't it?

>>16707328
>unwashed grapes
>mozzarella balls not even seasoned/oil added
>raspberries in fucking september, meaning they are imported and taste like shit
>what did that poor camembert do to you?
>buying retarded overpriced marmelade
>buying precut cheese cubes instead of buying a proper cheese and cutting it yourself
>chaotic composition without any concept behind it
>aoste stickados
>only walnuts instead of a nut mix
>date tomatoe mix instead of actual cherry tomatoes
>not one fucking dip to be seen anywhere

low effort of some normie who is shopping at edeka or rewe
would not fug you Justus

>>16707328
feeder?

>>16716907
>edeka
begone, g*rman

>>16708561
>going to an orgy
kinky but too degenerate for me and my bf

>>16707328
With your 600 lbs bride?

>>16716194
>putting processed cheese on a meat and cheese board
Might as well toss some kraft singles on there.

>>16716268
Refractory periods.

>>16707397
>all full names
>FRED

>>16707543
This was my estimation but I think I missed something.

why in gods name would you chop up brie you fucking moron

>>16707328
No matter what anyone says about the quality, this is cute and good.

>>16717742
I think it looks fine, it's just a lot of food.

>>16717742
sup reddit

>>16716907
>only walnuts
Best part of the board. All other nuts bow to the superiority of the walnut.

>>16717787
I've been here forever, fag. What part of that was more reddit than /c/?

>>16717788
EXCUSE ME?

>>16717850
Shit nut. Fuck PISStacios.
Stupid fucking nut, like you, anon.

>>16707692
Take your shitty leddit pasta elsewhere

>>16707543
That looks like the mass of 3 pizza's = so about 4.000 or 5.000 cal.
Not 10.000 cal. IMO.

>>16717342
Fuck you faggot they taste amazing

>>16708012
You might as well ask why you need snacks for a day of hiking

>>16707397
>normal bread
What mutant other bread are they doing at this place?

>>16707328
>supermarket deli section meats and cheeses
>ridiculous meat/cheese to carb ratio
>gigantic jar of jam that's just asking to have crap fall into it
>no pickled vegetables
>gooseberries???
Imagine putting all of this time and money into buying and presenting bottom-barrel ingredients. Still would, tho.

>>16707328
if someone pulled this out during a date. i think we are going to have a pretty long future together.

>>16707362
It becomes even more runny over time due to the enzymes in the rind. Even in the fridge, it will become runny. Nothing you can do about it. It's part of the cheese making process

>>16707328
Are you daiting a pornstar and her video crew is following around? Did you ask the male pornstar about his allergies, he might need to fuck her some mid date for extra footage.

>>16707397
am I reading this wrong, or is one guy eating a skink for his start

>>16716234
are you sure?

>>16707328
Why is the brie melted?

>>16708497
Middle aged people are used to it, a drunken ciggarette smelling man have no problem eating a a 45 year old fat fish smelling pussy

>>16720754
yeah he did, you mad lizard bitch? yeah that's what I thought, you won't do shit

>>16708012
When you fuck all night long in 20-30 minute bursts you take snack breaks.

>>16707397
why so many footballers there lmao?
funny that bruno fernades eats goat cheese..

>>16707397
heh... my boyz Jlingz... he just need more food...

This makes me wonder- is a charcuterie board a good idea to have on hand if i want to spend an entire 2 day weekend having non stop sex with my girlfriend? Last time we went for 12 hours or so, but eventually we had to stop so i could make food. What should i put on my board?

>>16707328
do amerifats really?

>>16722667
you will not be in the mood to fuck after gorging on cheese and cured meats.

>>16716397
about tree fiddy

>>16722667
all you really need is water and cocain