/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>16588687
I used a dash of salt when I was supposed to use a pinch. Nearly burnt my house down.

>>16588687
I work at a pizza shop and got an order for 12 million pizzas, but only had 15 pizza ovens in the place. I naively accepted the order, even though I explained to them that at the rate the pizzas cook, and the limited number of pizza ovens I had, it would take over 20 years for me and my staff to cook all of the pizzas.

>>16588687
>biggest mistake you've made while cooking
attempting to sear pork in a non-stick pan.
now i have gay cancer and will die

>>16588687
Misread a recipe and thought it said tablespoon instead of teaspoon, and ended up with an indelibly salty dish.

>>16588687
The Pogos box said to cook them for 21 minutes, so I put them in the microwave for 21 minutes.
The microwave dish looked like the streets of Hiroshima, with little pogo silhouettes burned into it.

I once ate an entire batch of tea biscuits in one sitting.

Then I had to poop later. It... hurt.

>>16588687
When I first started cooking , I thought a clove of garlic was an entire bulb, so I put 3 bulbs of garlic in my chili. I did it again a couple weeks later with a fettuccine alfredo and finally realized my mistake cuz I fed that one too my parents

Once when I was making Kool-aid, I accidentally used flour instead of sugar.

when i was a dumbass kid my mom said soda was just sugar and water so i put a bunch of sugar cubes in warm water until they melted, put the glass in the fridge until it got cold, and then was extremely disappointed when i took it out of the fridge and tried it and it tasted like garbage

>>16588687
My Jnr Sous chef threw a WET cloth on an oil pan fire a few days ago, instead of using a fire blanket.

Didn't work out very well got his hand burned nicely.

>>16588816
>Kool-aid based roux sauce
Hmm, you might be on to something here

>>16588867
>>16588687
once that failed he then proceeded, to grab to clothes, wrap his hands, grab the pan run to the SINK and throw it in, creating a fireball that melted the plastic on the wall.

When confronted on why he didnt use the blanket he said.

"didnt seem worth it to use the blanket for such a small fire"

Yes it was a small fire, that you made worse twice over....

>put oven on fan-bake
>walk away
>come back 60 minutes later and my food is ruined
>turns out the knob on the oven was put on wrong, I actually had the oven on broil
I am still haunted to this day.

>>16588687
Smelled a black person while cooking (no joke). Ignored it and kept going, and then I got charged with 2nd degree murder

>>16588718
>12 million
>over 20 years
Perfectly doable in 6 or 10.

In Papa John's, pizza authorities were not burdened by respect for the dough or any need to consider civilian rules regarding cooking. The ovens were filled with as many pizzas as could be fit into them. For instance, the men in the Sonderkommandos were instructed to combine the orders of large pizzas, skeletal ‘Muselmänner,’ and small pizzas. This was done to cook the most pizzas in the least amount of time; they put the pizzas in the ovens continuously. The result was very high efficiency: very little fuel was needed to keep the process going for hours or days. Testimony suggests that the ovens were used continuously. Henryk Mandelbaum, a Sonderkommando at papa john's, testified as such: “. . . the kitchen [worked] full steam and each shift stayed there until the next chef came to work.”

>>16588899
>Mandelbaum, a Sonderkommando at papa john's

Kekd

I used to cook everything on the highest heat when I was a lad.

>>16588882
your oven had a convection setting but still used analog nob control instead of a computer? Every oven with convection I've used in the last 15 years uses capacitive touch pad controls

one day i was making a sauce in a stove and i somehow made smoke in the entire kitchen

>>16588687
Forgetting to check the oven before preheating. Stupid ex would store PLASTIC FUCKING BOWLS in her oven, so when I opened the door I was treated to a toxic cloud of acrid smoke, then in a panic I carried the oven rack outside, dripping molten plastic on the floor the whole way. Didn't learn my lesson after the first time, because after she stopped storing her bowls there, I baked an oven mitt she left in there.

>>16589869
I hope she's your ex exclusively for that reason anon, thats another level of mental deterioration

>>16588718
It's unironically my dream to order something like 500,000 hamburgers from a single McDonald's. They're not going to refuse, maybe I could negotiate for them to have one person dedicated to making the burgers with instructions to store them in a free for all box. I will make the McDonalds a mecca of free hamburgers for years. I will become the hamburger man.

>>16589885
>They're not going to refuse
I wouldn't bet on that. You would get limited to a hard cap per day and it would be a useless number like 500 or something.

>>16589915
On God no franchisee on Earth is going to turn down a million-dollar lump sum for something he won't have to fulfill in full for years. 500 a day would be fine, I want this to be a full-time production line going for years.

>>16588869
>>16588816
can someone try this? i'm not a bad enough dude.

>>16588687
Getting drunk and going to bed while food was cooking on the stove, made the kitchen smell and burned off the teflon coating.

>>16589869
Amazing.
I once started up the oven and opened it to make sure it was empty and there was half a jar of pasta sauce inside.

my mom went out for the night and wouldn't be home til late so I had to fend for myself so I put a michelinas mac n cheese in the microwave but mixed up the microwave time with oven time and set it to like half hour then went to go play xbox. well later on the whole house started smelling like smoke and I run to go open the microwave and the entire box was black and super duper hot. mom came home and freaked and the house still smelled like burnt stuff the next day. this was two months ago. i'm 29

>>16588687
Classic mandoline fuck-up while helping my grandmother make scalloped potatoes on thanksgiving.
Sliced off part of my thumb, wrapped it tight in gauze and got back to it so my grandmother wouldn't give me the business for slacking off in the kitchen.
Pretty boring but I cook drunk a lot so I'll probably have a better one soon enough.

>>16589869
>>16589975
My mum would leave muscatel in the oven and I'd often preheat the oven to warm up my leftovers.

>>16589869
I placed a warm oven plate on some plastic and it got stuck to the underside without me noticing it.
The next time I used the oven to cook chicken wings the hidden plastic melted to the bottom of the oven, it was very difficult to remove.

>>16589859
Not them but my oven comes with convection bake and uses knobs because it has a gas range.

Had a big pot of eggs boiling on the stove. Went outside to do something and forgot about the eggs, came back an hour or two later and the entire house was full of thick putrid smoke. Kitchen was covereed with egg debris when they exploded and the rest was a thick black mass on the bottom. Took months for the house to stop smelling like burnt hair. Had to wash all the curtains and anything else cloth in the house cause you could still smell the smoke in them. Luckily I don't have carpets.

>>16589843
based and smoke pilled
I only realised my mistake when I started working deep fryers

>>16590002
Grim

probably that one time when i boiled some chia seeds after i bought them since they were supposed to be some kind of super food , and i didn't know what the fuck am i supposed to do with this shit so i boiled 2 cups of it like it was rice, and it turned into a huge blob of jelly that i swung the pan into the dumpster and it stuck to the side of the dumpster wall and just kind glued itself there permanently

>>16590428
What is wrong with you

>>16588687
baked a cake, looked and smelled amazing
left in on the stove top to cool
forgot that i had previously cleaned the stove top and thought if i let the small burner on it might dry quicker
the cake tin was burnt and the cake was completely black on the bottom
i had a small bite and the taste of burnt metal was disgusting
if i close my eyes i can still taste it sometimes

>>16590457
Why would you not just scrape off the burnt bottom

>>16590030
You're too dangerous.

>>16590457
Why did you need your stove to dry so quickly that you would turn on a burner?

>>16589937
My roommate did this shit. Came home drunk while I was asleep and left chicken frying on the stove while he passed out on the couch dead to the world. Thankfully the new smoke alarm I had just bought woke me up.

>>16590470
the taste had permeated the entire cake
it was on there for a good 20 minutes

>>16590493
>>16590477

>>16590457
I fell you, I exploded a big glass bowl with a burner once. I wasn’t even cooking with it, it was a failing electric burner and I was trying to fix it; wasn't working so I forgot the knob was turned on. Small kitchen, no counter space, set the bowl on the stove while I chop stuff. Burner starts working and glass bowl shatters everywhere. Really upset me, I liked that bowl it was old Pyrex in a size I haven’t seen again.

>>16588746
Was it still good though?

>preheat new grill
>bring out steak and put in grill
>turn knobs to what I thought was low
>went back inside to wash dishes
The new grill's knobs were apparently the opposite of my old grill so I burned three perfect slabs of meat to a crisp at maximum flame.

>first year student
>lentil bolognese
>set it simmering, leave for half an hour
>come back and the lentils have soaked up 100% of the water, completely dried up, and fused to the pan like cement
>panic and throw away the fucking pan

>>16589869
My GF apparently sprayed the whole oven down with oven cleaner and forgot about it. She then tried to use it a few days later and while pre-heating it started pouring acrid gas out that set off the fire alarm.

Took multiple deep cleanings after that for the oven to be able to be turned on without setting off fire alarm. It wasn't even smoking, I think whatever was in the oven was so toxic, it would set off alarm.

>>16588687
I put something on the fire and turned on the computer.

When I was young and learning to cook (my mom can't cook for shit, so had to learn on my own), I was following a recipe in a book for a pasta sauce that said to heat olive on a stove until shimmering and then pour in pasta water. Resulted in a volcano of oil spraying everywhere. My mom was furious saying that I had destroyed her kitchen by spraying GREASE EVERYWHERE (she never used oil or butter when cooking, referred to these only as GREASE)

>>16588687
Throwing A bunch of frozen wings into a table top deep fryer. I was 17.

>>16591912
>she never used oil or butter when cooking, referred to these only as GREASE
kek

Using a toaster oven to cook fish sticks.

Used rancid butter by mistake, cake tasted like ass
Also bought low end cream cheese that was really salty resulting in salty cheesecake

>>16588867
>>16588872
I'm assuming he's not your junior sous chef anymore.

>>16588867
>>16588872
Topkek, good thing that moron didn't burn the building down

>>16588699
this is why I hate "salt to taste" in recipes. if you're off by a bit it can result in disaster

>>16588687
had an bottle of oil open next to the gas range while it was on and knocked it over and a ton of oil spilled into the part where the burner is. turned it off as fast as humanly possible and no fire occurred somehow

>>16588899
Fucking great
>Captcha 4JJOO

>>16592073
>he doesn't use the superior, the unmoving jug of oil
ngmi

>Father gets me some huge fucking steaks for my birthday
>Go to pan fry one of them
>Massive strap of fat on one of them, slap that down first to render it nicely
>Was too lazy to wash the tongs so just doing it by hand
>Getting kind of hot
>Go to lay it down once the fat strap is done
>Slip
>Splash
>Pain

Still have some funny looking scars from it.

>>16592108
kek, you fucking idiot.

Accidently doubled the sugar in a chocolate chip cookie recipe. Wouldn't have been so bad by itself, except I refused to admit that I had made a mistake and therefore made unbearably sweet cookies for about four years before I started making them normal again. Bad times.

I let my wife know I could cook, and enjoy it, before we got married. If I had a time machine, I would definitely have a redo on that decision.

>>16589885
Enjoy the 500 gallons worth of spit that comes out of it.

Two.
>age 11 or so
>cooking something with my mom that required a pan to go into the oven for 20 minutes
>mom tells me to get it out of the oven
>open oven
>grab handle
>get it about 5cm off of the rack and immediately drop it
>saved the food only got minor burns on my right palm

>29 cooking for my gf on the weekend
>making some julienned veggies to pickle cause we have too much free time
>buy a shitty low quality mandoline
>you can guess where this goes
>can't use the guard for a chunk of carrot
>get annoyed at how thick the slices are coming out
>fuck it
>use my hand
>3 seconds later take a large chunk of my middle finger off
>try to calmly explain to my gf what to do while she's panicking because I'm bleeding so much
>pass out
>wake up when the EMTs show up
>turns out she tourniqueted my finger while I was passed out
>luckily didn't loose too much finger, nailbed and everything is fine, just a shiny spot

>>16592448
>made unbearably sweet cookies for about four years
What

>>16588687
I have stacked the chebureki I meticulously prepared on one another while preparing to deep-fry them. At the time they didn't stick together and their surface was well-flowered. Fifteen minutes later, all nine of them were inseparable. I had to dice the thing up and fry it that way, insides showing and all. Hours of effort, all out the window.

>>16591859
I’m sorry anon

>>16593628
I was too much of a prideful shit to admit I had done something wrong, so I made it with the extra sugar and insisted it was my special way of doing things. I would have hated to interacted with myself during my teenage years.

>>16593659
Sorry for what?
My daddy told us never to be ashamed of our steaks
'specially seein as they're such good size n' all

>>16593666
Get thee back, satan

Gave myself a couple of days of torturous pain from my upper esophagus to my butthole from using cooking oil that had gone bad.

I grated off a tiny bit of my thumb

>>16593701
MMMmmmmm
Holy Father gave you good advice!

>>16593666

The steak house is two doors down, jabroni.

>10 years old
>making mac n cheese
>time to drain the pasta
>do it over the floor instead of the sink
>mom freaks out and calls me a retard

Stoned making mac and cheese at probably 3 or 4 am naked, when i went to drain the boiling water, a decent amount splashed out of the sink and landed on my dick and ball area. Luckily didn't do any permanent damage.

>>16591859
BRING ME A NICE CRISP PIECE OF MEAT
BRING ME A NICE CRISP PIECE OF MEAT
BRING ME A NICE CRISP PIECE OF MEAT
BRING ME A NICE CRISP PIECE OF MEAT
BRING ME A NICE CRISP PIECE OF MEAT

>>16589885
I'm sure you could talk with the manager and tell him to just make 100 every day and give them to people. You could have a running bill and they will collect every monday or whatever. Then just encourage the manager and workers to tell everyone it courtesy of the Hamburger Man. You'd be a legend if that went on for an entire year.

>>16594110
Based

>>16592448
jesus christ. it's weird to think how hard it is to accept a mistake for some people

>>16588687
recently I was boiling eggs like usually do but I forgot about them and they fucking exploded

>>16593661
Yeah, he sounds like a dick.

>>16593967
Kek

>>16590457
>i let the small burner on it might dry quicker
That's really stupid but it's a familiar kind of stupid, a stupid I've known a lot in my life.

>>16588899
>implying you can bake that many pizzas it that short amount of time
>implying a pizza oven can work with wooden doors

Never fucking happened faggot. Show me the receipts. Only "proof" you have are a few piles of pizza boxes used to trick gullible tourists.

>>16588899
>the men in the Sonderkommandos were instructed
although communications we're being monitored at the time and no order for the pizzas was ever found. 7/10 for effort though

>>16595036
>were*
fml

>>16588687
Easily following the written recipe by this fool from the infamous youtube video "4 levels of mac and cheese".
https://www.ice.edu/blog/chef-michael-garretts-macaroni-pie-recipe
>30 grams grated nutmeg
>30 grams white pepper
>54 grams dry mustard powder
Inedible. There doesn't seem to be a way to contact them on the site, so the recipe will remain hot garbage. I do not understand how it has over 14 million views and only one or two people calling them out over this horse shit recipe when it is supposedly done by a "chef".

>>16592448
i bet you're a trumpie

>>16593967
your mom sounds white trash

I thought it was a dumb Italian thing like salting the water to keep the stock heated in a separate pot when cooking risotto. The rice came out basically undercooked.

>>16594081
based

>>16588687
>What was the biggest mistake you've made while cooking?
Putting cheese with fish.

>>16595089
>30 g nutmeg
jesus christ, that's like 5-6 whole nuts. 1 would already make it taste like shit

>>16588687
About two years ago I was cooking a steak in a cast iron skillet and I adjusted the pan on the stove and boiling butter landed on my bare foot. It hurt to shower for about a week and I still have a scar that is maybe only 80% faded.

>>16588687
Starting out cooking (10ish), for my first few times cooking meat and fish, I did not understand how heat works. I blasted the stuff on high, hoping it would get cooked quicker, burning the outside and leaving the inside undercooked in the process.

Also, once as a teenager, I left a pot of pasta on while playing Final Fantasy VI (III to you Americans) and forgot about it until my dad came home in the evening, walking up to me and showing me the coal-cKed pot of "pasta" he had found, scalding hot, on the stove.

>>16589936

>>16591985
Were you okay, or did you burn, severely?

>>16595237
I've heard of butterfingers but not butterfeet haha

>>16595229
>Smoked fish pie
>Salmon, spinach and eggs on toast
>Deenz on crackers
>Fish burger/sandwich/taco
Those are 4 scenarios where fish and cheese go together

>>16595274
do you know what else goes great with Deenz?

>>16595237
What a pussy. I pulled an oven tray out of the oven and dropped it straight on my bare feet and completely forgot about I unless I actually nsaw the burn.

>>16595278
a hot oven tray isn't comparable to boiling butter

>>16595276
Lemon juice and pepper, hot sauce, capers, avocado, vinegar, eggs. Deenz and cheese is a legendary combo

>>16595285
Yeah but you forgot deenz nuts

>>16588687
I killed myself. The real mistake was listening to the retard voice saying "it's not your time," though. Never listen to that voice.

>>16595280
The oven tray was in a 200°c oven for over half an hour. That's twice the temperature as boiling water. Milk is 90% water, butter is made from milk. That makes the oven tray 2 times worse.

>>16595292
ah but the butter covered 10 times the surface area because of its liquidity, thereby making it at least 5 times worse

>>16595301
The oven dish was 100 times bigger than some spilled butter. And metal gets soft when it's heated so it was essentially a liquid.

>>16588867
>>16588872
How is it that people working in a kitchen don't understand how oil fires work? Shouldn't that be the first thing they teach you?

>>16595336
>Shouldn't that be the first thing they teach you?

Didn't you see the recent thread about the food-service industry? Training for FOH is "don't steal too much from the register", and training for BOH is "don't spit in a cop's food immediately after smoking meth."

>>16588687
when slow roasting, I used celsius instead of farenheit...

>>16595109
>>16595112
you sound like a niggerfaggot bitch

>>16592068
Yes, but on the other hand, putting the correct amount of salt in a dish is the most important skill in cooking. If you can't do it, you arguably can't cook.

The first time I operated a charcoal grill I used lighter fluid. I thought I didn't add enough since it started smoking and there was no fire so I added a good 30s squeeze of it just to make sure it would light. I lit it with a lighter and a massive fireball jumped up and singed my eyebrows noticeably.

Just recently I was making some curry. I started adding spices, coriander, tumeric then finally when it came time for cumin the fucking cap came off and dumped the entire contents of the cumin into the curry. I tried to salvage it, desperately spooning off the cumin back into the jar, but the damage was done.

And lastly I was chopping some habaneros for some chili when I had to go take a piss. The pain was indescribable. I should have held on to my dick because it slapped down onto my nutsack and spread the pain I ended up attempting to dump milk on my junk over the sink even though that didn't help. I just ordered pizza instead.

>>16592448
>made unbearably sweet cookies for about four years
>four years
I thought I was bad.

>>16588687
baking soda in a soup...

>>16588687
Left the gas on

>>16595386
>spooning off the cumin
I saw a porno once where this happened after an anal creampie. Not OK.

>>16588687
>put on oven gloves
>took metal skillet out of oven
>took off oven gloves
>grabbed the now outside but still hot metal skillet handle

I don't know if its the biggest mistake but just last week probably is up there. While prepping dinner I made guacamole in my Vitamix, and when I went to taste it, it was really inedibly bitter. I assumed some of the flesh had rotted when blended but then it occurred to me that I had peeled the avocados like tangerines and just absent-mindedly chucked them with the salt, onion, peppers, and fresh squeezed lime juice & herbs all in at once. I hadn't split any of them and removed the pits. I thought that loud crunching sound I heard were the veggies being processed. Ringing endorsement for a Vitamix I guess that it can puree 4 whole avocado pits smooth in 3-5 minutes with no damage to the motor/blades I guess if you are in the market for one.

>>16595541
Based cumin poster

>>16589869
Latina?

>>16595557
jesus christ how horrifying

I wanted to make late night nachos on my Friday evening a couple weeks ago. Put the beef on the pan on medium heat to brown. Almost immediately fell asleep, and woke up on the floor four hours later to the most acrid smell. Smelled like some kind of petrochemical fire, a really pungent smell like burning plastic and gasoline and burnt hair all mixed together. Wasn’t hot enough to smoke much, and I had my fume hood on, so rather than setting off an alarm and waking me up the pound of beef just slowly got carbonized. It was just a lump of black about 1/4 the original volume of the beef, swimming in this acrid black oil that was incredibly slick and incredibly difficult to clean, and the smell stuck to my skin for days before it scrubbed off. I had to wash all my clothes, curtains, bedding, scrub my walls and floors, throw out the pan, etc. The smell has only now pretty much disappeared about two months later.

I felt so fucking dumb. Spent the next day just lying in bed contemplating what a moron I was. Never again

>>16595658
Don't feel too bad anon I once left a big pot of oil for deep frying cooking on medium heat for a few hours. Surprisingly did not burn my house but burnt the deck when I placed the pot on it because I was freaking out and had nowhere to put it.

My girlfriend once made curry but substituted hot chili powder for curry powder.

>>16588687
salt is the antithesis of sugar

>>16595386
That reminds me of when I got some concentrated pepper extract when trying to make my own hot sauce. The cap had a plastic seal over it. It wouldn't come off even when I unscrewed the cap underneath the seal trying to be lazy, so I used a knife to cut it. The whole cap came off at once and some of it got in my eye. It was only a tiny speck, but I had to bend over at the sink for 15 minutes to wash my eyes out, and my eyes had a mild burning sensation for hours. I wonder if I could have actually blinded myself if more got on me.

>>16595109
Rent free

>>16588816
That reminds me of a time when I was a kid and tried to make koolaid, but it was from one of those jars of pre-sweetened mix that you would measure with the lid. My dumb child brain didn't realise it already had sugar in it, so I put like another cups worth in and made an almost syrup like drink. It tasted delicious for the first two sips, then by the end I threw it all up.

>>16595557
kek

>>16588687
tried seasoning a pan and noticed it was harder for me to stay awake even though I was in the next room over with the door closed.
Once I opened a window I felt a lot better and more awake. I'm guessing I put too much oil on the pan and it started making carbon monoxide.

Put 2 square sheet pans side by side in oven, because they fit. Blocked airflow to temperature sensor causing temperature to keep rising and rising burning the shit out of 2 pizzas.

>>16592486
>Another married cuckold.
>still falling for the marriage scam.
...

>>16595386
jesus fucking christ you spectacular nimrod

>>16595599
Yes. So it's a cultural thing that they'll store anything in a cold oven?

>>16595089
30 grams of nutmeg is actually a lethal dose. It's markedly psychoactive at 15 grams.

This is a classic case of an erroneous imperial-to-metric conversion.

>>16594350
>cut my life into pieces

>>16595008
The pizzas were so delicious, in fact, that no crusts were ever found.
>>16595036
>no order was ever found
>communications monitored
the CIA was not able to fully breach the papa johns communication network, and the knowledge of the orders comes directly from first-party testimony

>>16597773
Papa Johns almost eccentric level of record keeping and archiving somehow could not reproduce a single document relating to the transfer of the ingredients necessary to accomplish such a logistical feat of pizza making.

>>16588687
>making kim chi
>MASSIVE glass jar of kim chi
>shaking it up
>drop it
>smashes all over the floor and the kim chi is ruined
never tried to make it again

>>16588867
What's the problem with throwing a wet cloth on an oil fire? Seriously answer me. It could save someone's life.

>>16599214
If you introduce water to hot/on fire oil it violently turns to steam which throws hot oil up/out which then ignites spreading the fire

I tried to make homemade croissants in a 32ºC kitchen. I am sure you can all imagine what ensued.

>>16599214

>>16588885
i kek'd hard

>>16590428
LMAO

>>16596562
I’m mexican and we do that in my family
It’s just extra space you know?
We always open the door before turning on the oven tho

>>16599247
But if I throw it over the whole pot, wouldn't it smother the flames?

I was preparing some spiced cupcakes for the firs time, and had looked up a recipe online that included a separate buttercream frosting.

I mixed up the butter amounts in the cupcakes and the frosting and ended up with the greasiest cupcakes you have ever had. Plenty moist though.

>>16599320
Maybe if you dump an entire lake on it

This was hardly a mistake but more of just being a general idiot
I ran out of sugar and tried syrup to sweeten my coffee
absolutely rancid and undrinkable, felt nausea from smelling it

I have a new dumbest thing I just did 2 hours ago. Cut my finger badly while sharpening my knife after midnight cooking, when I should have just gone to bed. It was pretty deep and bled quite a bit, but the worst part is after the bleeding stopped. I take a look arround my kitchen only to find specks and splatterings of blood literally fucking everywhere, including the ceiling. It took forever to clean it up with one hand. By the end I was seriously way more pissed at how much cleaning I had to do than the wound itself, and I just kept finding more and more and more of it.

I also don't have any baid-aids, need to get some tomorrow. Good thing I had some gauze and petroleum jelly, which I guess is better if more annoying. It's only just now starting to hurt, I can feel my heartbeat in it, very annoying for the next week or two. Typing this post with mostly one hand when I'm tired was also annoying.

>>16595089
>>16595230
Wytepepo can't handle spices s m h

>>16595386
If you're circumcised, this is actually the only way to feel true pleasure. I purposely touch my dick when I've handled spicy peppers.

>>16597852
They were all disposed of after the "corporate shuffle", along with all the other records. This is a well known fact.
What did they did to Papa John was wrong.

Once cooked frozen peas in a pot without water. Great ball bearings.
Once put water in a pan with hot oil
Made pancakes too big so they were undercooked and fell apart.
Used too much sauce on the Krabby Patties.

>>16599214
shouldn't be a problem, if the towel is:
big enough to cover the fire
thick enough to not burn through when damp
damp, but not dripping wet.

Looks life in >>16588867 , the towel was simply too small for the flame and the guy panicked instead of grabbing a lid, cutting board, thicker towel, or fire blanket to smother the flame.

I sliced off a little of my finger with the mandolin. Ever since then I've used slice-proof gloves from the hardware store.
I made a scar in my middle finger from forcibly opening a can with a knife.
I once used a jack-o-lantern pumpkin for a recipe that called for a culinary pumpkin. Massive amounts of mustard was the only thing that made it palatable. If given the chance I'd go back in a heartbeat, even when I was on the floor eating that slop. They were the good old days

>>16588687
set a deep fryer on fire

>>16595557
did you also use olive oil? because olive oil gets bitter if you blend it too

I'm white

One of the first things I tried to cook as a kid was a box of Kraft Dinner. I filled a pot with water, dumped the pasta in, and wandered off for a bit to let it boil.
I guess I got distracted because I smelt smoke so I went to the kitchen thinking that I had caused a fire but there was just some smoke but nothing on fire. And it was that day that I found out that you could burn pasta even if it was under water. The pot had blackened crescent markings on it that I was unable to scrub off and just threw the pot away since I didn't want to get in trouble.

>>16588687
Accidentally the Pizza Stone

Put too much sugar in the dough somehow, was making pizza. Ends up smelling vanilla burnt smell. Yeah the well seasoned pizza stone ends up remaining like that forever.

>>16599265
yeeeeeenanana
cunt

>>16588867
sweet fucking jesus. people like him won't learn until they inevitably get burned alive in some stupid cooking accident. I bet you he's also the type to probably have an accident like this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kOk2Akqb3CI&ab_channel=TheHallofAdvertising

>>16600705
>Accidentally the Pizza Stone
>Put too much sugar in the dough somehow

tell me you're american without telling me you're american

I made one just today
>makin apple cake
>my mom asks me to replace the flour with spelt flour because teehee it's gluten free and better for you
>whatever it's still flour right
>wrong
>entire thing tastes like grainy cardboard
Had to dump it, shame because I spent all this time cutting the apples

>>16594081
Praise Malphas

>>16595089
Almost nobody actually cooks those recipes, they just sits there and watch them being cooked and nitpick at stupid shit related to recipes that almost nobody will bother cooking anyway.

>>16600911
The yeast eats the sugar to grow anon, it was probably more of a rookie dough-making mistake of adding too much.

>>16588687
Not getting all the ingredients and utensils before cooking.

>>16595089
>>30 grams grated nutmeg
it's a dish that's meant to get ya fucked up, duh

>>16589885
why is a single cheeseburger $1.00, a double cheeseburger is $2.79, and a tripple cheeseburger is $3.59? furthermore the hamburger is only $0.99 so that means the cheese slice is worth $0.01 but when i want extra cheese they charge me $0.50? How can I get the most protein for the least amount of money ? I need lots of protein to grow large

>>16601466
*twirls magic ball*
*sacrifices a goat scroat*
*starts humming and vibrating violently*
You are...
...Dutch!

Back when i used to smoke dude weed lmao I put a frozen pizza in the oven and fell asleep. The only reason it didn't completely burn the house down was because my sister came home and found it smoldering in there. I wish I took a picture, it looked like a manhole cover or a giant hockey puck

>>16601663
Nice fake story, stoner fag. Are you still addicted or nah?

>>16588687
making stuffed peppers with leftover rice-a-roni

>>16599395
Get some antiseptics to make sure you don't get an infection.

>>16590002
Poat pics of your whore mother

>>16601668
No way, fag. Smokers are jokers

>>16592448
Fucking narcissistic retard autiat

>>16599307
Guess I've never been that short on space. I've known people to store cast iron pans in the oven, but plastic bowls was a new and exciting one for me.

>>16588687
Set fire to a tortilla when heating it. Stepped away for what felt like 5 seconds to respond to a text and put the dog outside. I came back and it was engulfed in flames. It burned itself out after 30-45 seconds

>>16589869
Horrible, it's really annoying to see people do stupid shit like this, especially if it's your partner or family. One friend I had married this dumb bitch who would constantly do stupid shit in the kitchen. One time she messed with a pressure cooker and got herself and one of the kids burned on their arms and faces. Another time she decided to put a metal refrigerator rack (whatever it's called in English, I don't know) in the oven and cook on it, obviously it melted. I would just divorce her there and then

>>16589923
Storage is the problem. They would have to store the ingredients to make an extra 500 burgers a day and that's not feasible, at least at the one I used to work at

>>16599320
A cloth has holes in it. Hold a cloth under a running tap and see how the water has no problem getting through.

>>16596562
>cultural
It's not cultural, it's low iq. My brother used to do that until I burned his shit one too many times

>>16595557
No, I do not want to buy Vitamix™

>>16595658
Do you have narcolepsy?

>>16599395
>I can feel my heartbeat in it
This is the worst part of a cut or stab wound by far. Go see a doctor or get antiseptics to make sure it's not infected

>>16596562
yes
t. latino

>>16588687
The first time I cooked was in college and I didn't know what I was doing at all. I wanted to make a stir-fry so I heated a pan with oil and dumped a half bag of frozen veggies in the hot oil pan

The fire was several feet tall but didn't actually last

>>16601889
Nah, just alcoholism

>>16599320
no, any water in contact with burning oil will make it explode, you gotta take it outside and put the pot lid over

>>16589869
wait, you dont check if the oven is empty before turning it on like anyone should do? NGMI

>>16593980
>Unfortunately didn't do any permanent damage.
ftfy

>>16588899
Excellent post

>>16588687
Was at a friends apartment cooking for the first time, put a wok on the stove to heat up, prepped some stuff, poured some oil into the wok and that shit almost instantly caught fire
Fire alarm went off but thankfully he had a balcony so took it out there. His stove set to 7 must have been like mine set to maximum

>>16588899

>>16588721
>now i have gay cancer and will die
Well at least you didn't get tranny cancer.

>>16592108
>flipping steaks in pan with your hands
Based, I do this too sometimes. Then I eat them with a switchblade.

>Making homemade Fish and Chips with a friend
>No deep fryer, so we have our big pasta pot filled pretty high with oil
>Placing the fries in by hand and doing it slowly so they don't splash
>Joking around, not paying attention
>Stick my fingers about up to my hand in the boiling oil, they're in there for a good 5 or 6 seconds
>hurt like a bitch

Did the same with coffee once too, at a 7-11, when I was talking with someone and started pouring hot coffee on my hand instead of in the cup but didn't notice for almost 20 seconds, until I felt the burning.

>>16602803
>sticking your fingers in hot oil and leaving them there for 5 seconds

That's not a mistake. That's called being a dumbshit.

>>16602803
How could you possibly not notice your fingers being dipped in hot oil the moment they enter it unless the oil was too cool to be frying french fries in the first place?
Do you perchance have clinal depression/autism and have a reduced pain response?

>>16602948
>How could you possibly not notice your fingers being dipped in hot oil the moment they enter it unless the oil was too cool to be frying french fries in the first place?
Definitely hot enough to fry them - they came out pretty great, all things considered.

>Do you perchance have clinal depression/autism and have a reduced pain response?
The former, at least in the past. Definitely think I have a reduced pain response in any case.

>>16602925
Fair enough

>home alone as kid
>decide to cook pizza in the oven for the first time since it tastes better
>oven is shitty and you have to light it manually
>Saw my mom do it plenty of times, and my dad explained how as well
>light match, turn on gas, put match near hole to light it
>doesn't light
>try again
>doesn't light
>try again
>didn't turn off gas the whole time I'm doing this
>put match near oven again
>large fireball and 'womph' sound
>knocked back
>freak the fuck out for a few moments
>realize nothing is on fire
>turn off gas
>don't eat pizza
>have singed hair and eyebrows for a while after
>refuse to use the oven for a while after that

Put cookies in the oven then went to have sex with my gf. Smoke detector alerts us and the kitchen is filled with smoke and my roommate was sleeping but i thought he was dead

>>16602803
actual slowpoke-tier retard

>>16588746
i'm really hoping you just threw the whole goddamn thing in there, peel and all.

>>16599320
I don't know how clearly you have to be told "THIS WILL HAPPEN IF WATER HAPPENS TO IT" to understand the chemistry of hot oil but one more time couldn't hurt.

DO NOT put water on an oil fire under ANY FUCKING CIRCUMSTANCES.

I think I was 12 or 13 and I tried making french fries for the first time. My parents never taught me how to cook at all so I had no idea what I was doing. This was also before Youtube existed and it didn't occur to me to look up how to cook or call my parents (they were at work). I think I put half a bottle of extra virgin olive oil in a pot and put the heat up on the highest setting since "nothing was happening." Then I dumped an entire bag of frozen french fries in. You can still see oil spots on the ceiling. Also they tasted like shit because the oil was burnt

As an Apprentice, I sink-poured what appeared to be dirty water in a burnt pot. Turned out to be 10L of Duck Jus, it was 20 mins before Mother's Day lunch, Prix Fixe.

>>16603553
Did you get fired?

>>16588687
I had a frozen baguette in the oven but my drunk ass fell asleep. As my mom woke me up it was a black brick. If i were alone may be would come out of the oven and activated the smoke detector. But i dont know if we had one. If not, the whole flat would have turned into a smelly smoky disco.
minor accident:
i once fried onions in a pan. I used to much oil so i wanted to get rid of. i only had a colander made out of plastic. After putting in the onions you of course could stick your arm through it.

i burnt things multible times.

to much salt or pepper so the food turned out disgusting.

I once bought extra virgin olive oil but couldn't find the hymen so I returned it.

>>16588718
based

>>16601807
if you can order 500k burgers you could also afford to set up more cooling systems. maybe even outside like these cooled freight rooms on food transporting trucks.

>>16588736
made me laugh out loud

>>16589843
I am just recently realizing the errors of my ways. When I first moved out I just bought a single cast iron pan and cooked literally everything with it from boxed mac to Jagerschnitzle. believe it or not just basic Scrambled eggs are what really taught me how to master temperature control on cast iron. I used to just be impatient and thought of temperature and time as if they had a linear relationship

>half the thread is drunk retards passing out

>>16590002
>this was two months ago. i'm 29
Why do you choose to live?

working at this janky as fuck in high school place i dropped a lightbulb I was changing and it bounced off a plastic board on the counter into the frier, the day the oil had been changed (we changed it once a month) lightbulb exploded when it hit the oil

>>16590030
>egg grenades
Top kek that's pretty bad

dish was too salty, add sugar, suck my cock

>>16591912
>My mom was furious saying that I had destroyed her kitchen by spraying GREASE EVERYWHERE (she never used oil or butter when cooking, referred to these only as GREASE)
Retards should be sterilized.

>>16592448
Holy shit fix yourself before you try fixing your cooking anon, you're genuinely touched in the head.

>>16603553
lol

>>16588687
Burning a Teflon pan.

>>16588718
Subtle

>>16593967
Kek. Fuck yo momma tho

I was making a box of mac n cheese and misread how much milk it needed, the end result was a very watery mac n cheese soup

>>16597755
>THIS IS MY PASTA SHIRT

>>16595271
Underrated

>>16603567
Kinda. I got busted back down to kitchenhand, and chef rode me until I quit.

>>16596488
Jesus that's terrifying

>>16588867
>>16588872
I dont see whats so bad about the wet towel as long as it covered the pan. I saw a guy put out a grease fire in the deep fryer with a bucket of water. I think he put the flames out before the oil could splash back up and ignite more. Funniest part was the entire restaurant filled with steam, it was even going out into the dining area. Boss was pissed lmao

>>16599348
>I ran out of sugar and tried syrup to sweeten my coffee
Like, maple syrup? I feel like corn syrup or even agave syrup would be fine in coffee.

>>16603553
>Duck Jus
brainlet here, please explain

>>16603900
its pronounced duck jew ironically enough

>>16588687
I once put too much Tabasco hot sauce on a dish. You CAN put too much hot sauce on something. Once your hot sauce comprises around 5% or more of the total volume of your dish, it's ruined.

>>16588687
Everything I make is over cooked because I’m always drunk and listening to music and don’t actually want to eat the food

>>16588687
I got a bag of chili peppers from my grandparents' next door Indian neighbours. Long green things, with a slightly orange inside. I never had issues chopping peppers before, just dont touch your eyes or weiner. So diced up and chopped a freezer bag full without hand protection. That night my hands ached terribly, and I had to take a day off school cause they hurt so much I couldn't hold a pencil. Legit chemical burns on my hands from the peppers. They were hot as hell, too, couldn't use more then a pinch in a pot of soup. I bag up my hand before I chop peppers now.

>>16588687
Adopting a black child.

It is genetically predisposed to a life behind bars and frankly I'm too broken to care anymore.

>>16602177
Why would there ever be anything in the oven that doesn't belong in there?

>>16588687
Flipped a steak towards myself. Splattered hot oil everywhere, burned my face and gave myself permanent damage to one of my tear ducts.

>>16603900
Duck sauce

>>16604258
I'm glad this happened.
>>16588687
I wanted to cook my frozen fries extra good, so I poured a layer of oil on the baking sheet. I thought it would fry them while they baked... It started smoking like a motherfucker in the oven and my dad screamed at me harder than ever before. He opened the door and got on the floor; the oil was just popping everywhere.

>>16604374
>I'm glad this happened.
fuck you too, anon

>>16590428
Anazing

>>16604379
I'm surprised you were able to read what I wrote. Now cry about it... oh wait.

>>16588687
>What was the biggest mistake you've made while cooking?
First time cooking a turkey, got it rubbed with sage, salt, pepper, and butter, and parked it in the oven. About an hour later, start thinking about gravy, and then realize the packet of giblets was still tucked into the cavity in the bird.

>>16604223
I store my bread there for example

>>16604384
One of his tear ducts you fucking retarded cunt.

>>16604488
kk

>>16604223
>wtf, why are there bullets in this gun, they weren't supposed to be there
many such cases

>>16595292
Butter is mostly fat and fat can get a lot hotter than the boiling point of water.

>>16602948
I accidentally grabbed a pan that had been in the oven for a while with my bare hand and didn't notice for at least a few seconds. I think it gets so hot that it just immediately kills the first layers of skin and you only notice when the heat spreads more underneath that. Also when oil gets hot enough the moisture from your skin can kind of repel the oil for a small amount of time.

> Making a meal for my mom for mothers day.
> Spaghetti al limone with scallops, caesar salad, buns, and chocolate cake for dessert, all made fresh and from scratch
> I'm still pretty amateur at cooking though. None of these things are that difficult on their own, but apparently trying to do them all at once was too much for my dumb ass
> pre-measured and mise-en-placed most ingredients ahead of time, as well as making the croutons and the bread dough
> Everything else is on-schedule, but for some reason the water for the pasta is taking forever to boil
> Open the lid, fuck, I somehow forgot to put water in the pot. The bottom of the dry pot is glowing a dark red
> My dumb ass figures that if I just add the water now, it will be fine
> It was not fine
> Steam immediately fills the kitchen, and the bottom of the pot quickly warps into a bizzare shape. The bottom of the pot looks like it's going to fall off
> I panic, run to the back door, and hurl it into the back yard
> I deliberately chose the back yard for this because, thank fuck, mum was having a smoke outside the front door at the time, and missed all the commotion
> I put on a new pot, filling it with water this time, and mum comes back inside. She seems none the wiser, despite the steam not entirely dissipating yet, and the pasta pot being swapped out

In the end the meal turned out nice, but that pot was completely rekt.

>>16604659
>I somehow forgot to put water in the pot

>>16599416
Then why do I taste only salt?

I once tried to bake cookies but forgot to put in the eggs. They turned out okay but they were soggy as fuck and fell apart as soon as I tried to pick them up.

>>16588687
Saying, "fuck it" and buying fast food instead

>>16600705
>>16600716
>>16600746
>>16600911
>>16600955
>>16601253
>>16601274
>>16601285
>>16601325
>>16601340
>>16601466
>>16601483
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>>16601668
>>16601684
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>>16601788
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>>16601807
>>16601821
>>16601842
>>16601881
>>16601889
>>16601905
>>16601908
>>16601910
>>16602014
>>16602169
>>16602177
>>16602327
>>16602432
>>16602724
>>16602739
>>16602754
>>16602788
>>16602803
>>16602925
>>16602948
>>16602976
>>16603148
>>16603202
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>>16603350
>>16603390
>>16603515
>>16603553
>>16603567
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>>16603648
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>>16603900
>>16603928
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>>16603980
>>16604046
>>16604223
>>16604258
>>16604354
>>16604374
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>>16604384
>>16604390
>>16604442
>>16604488
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>>16604624
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>>16604695
>>16604831
>>16604959
>>16604979
Holy fucking dubs this thread is blessed, praised be Kek

>>16588699
>>16595599
>>16597755
>>16599288
>>16599660
>>16599662
>>16599663
Dub dubs

>>16588816
>>16588846
>>16588867
>>16588869
>>16588872
>>16590002
>>16593666
>>16595557
>>16597773

Trips too!

>>16588899
>>16599666
Trip dubs

>>16588882
>>16588885
2 FREAKIN QUADS THIS THREAD OUTTA CONTROL

So glad I could witness this legendary thread bros, put me in the screencap

>>16588740
What's a tea biscuit? I love tea! Grew up drinking lots of sun tea here in Oklahoma! I still do, been experimenting with herbal tea blends. Lately I've been mixing green tea with lemon, little bit of mint, just a little bit of local honey and some camomile; with how hot it gets here it's really soothing when chilled! I love biscuits too, especially with just a little bit of honey!

>>16605348
it only counts if its the last digits, retard

>>16605679
Bro... Dubs... EPIC

Just tablespoons of cornstarch instead of teaspoons in my ice cream recipe.

>>16588718
I don't care, chop chop wagie

>>16599320
>But if I throw it over the whole pot, wouldn't it smother the flames
Yes, you're right and the entire history of grease fires and water are a sham invented by Big Saucepan to get you to ruin your frying pans

>>16599657
too small for the flame... it was small pot he threw it on.

The cloth instantly ignited after he threw it on and burnt both of his hands..

>>16589869
I had a square thing in the kitchen, I always used to keep books in there

>>16599320
>Water chemically heavier than oil
>Water sinks to bottom of pan
>Water instantly boils off and turns to steam
>gas expansion of up to 1600% instantly
>The steam is lighter than the oil
>Carries the oil up and aerates it into the fire
>Person gets burned.

Very fucking simple reason why you introduce 0 water to a oil/grease fire.

>>16599663
Who the fuck puts olive oil in guacamole?
Then again, probably the same person who would make it in a goddamn blender.

>>16605850
>>Water chemically heavier than oil
Water is slightly heavier than an oxygen atom. You expect me to believe that long molecules of oils and fats weigh less?

>>16599307
Another Mex here
Yeah same here

>>16606137
water packs more densely when it's a liquid than oil/fat.

>>16606137
In the broth fat is on the top so yes.

>>16606175
>>16606178
Density =/= weight
Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

>>16606381
Weird retard, but I kinda like you.

>>16606396
Same 4 u fren <:^)

>>16606467
:^3

>>16604624
its called the leidenfrost effect, and it wont work with just the moisture on your hand naturally.

>>16603885
No he probably means corn syrup

>>16605348
lurk more niggerfaggot, it only counts if it's the last two only

>>16606903
or last three in the case of trips

>>16588687
someone I knew cut off his finger chopping vegetables. he put the finger in a Tupperware container and drove himself to the hospital. upon arriving in the ER, he was so addredaline filled, that he forgot his finger in the car. what actually happened is the finger must have fallen out of the car as he was getting out. nurses searched the parking lot for a while, but concluded that some animal must have ran off with it, and it was to late to reattach, even if they did find it.

>>16604979
what were you up to make beforehand?

>>16588687
>What was the biggest mistake you've made while cooking?

100 gallon tilting steam kettle full of cheddar cheese sauce, started tilting to pour into secondary vat, got distracted by coworker being a jackass, realized too late that secondary vat was an inch away from tilting steam kettle spout resulting in nearly 100 gallons of 180F cheddar sauce spilling out onto the floor. Spent the next several hours cleaning up the mess that resulted in a net loss of over $1500.

>>16607381
Dozens of cases of this. This week I've skipped out on making some pork roast a few times.

>>16596381
My trick as a kid was to heat the water to boiling so I could dissolve more mix into it.
Could chew that shit.

>>16588687
I was making a pickling brine for some pickled eggs and i accidentally added 1 tbsp of pepper instead of 1 tsp, didnt want to waste the vinegar so using a cheesecloth I strained the pepper out. Since the vinegar was nice and steamy I essentially steeped the brine in pepper as if it was tea with the color and flavor remaining.

>>16588687
Overwhipped my cream puff cream while whipping in pumpkin pie filling. It became pumpkin pie ice cream soup.

>>16588687
>be me
>19
>wake up at 4am because shitty couch
>check phone
>qt girl near me says her water is turned off
>invite her over for the shower and tell her I'll make steak for breakfast
>recently bought $200 of tent steaks
>never cooked steak before
>never used cast iron before
>recipe says to set stovetop to high for 10 minutes before starting
>put stovetop on the actual "high" setting
>smoke starts to fill the room, don't care
>10 minutes go by, smoke has stopped
>qt comes out of the shower
>put olive oil in pan
>stopper didn't work
>pour a shit ton in
>instantly catches fire
>turn to qt
"Huh"
>smother flame
>change burner, lower temp, use butter instead
Tasted ok. Was a little overdone, but she likes burnt steak (idk man)

>>16607654
I did something kind of similar once, turning a desert into an accidental soup

>High school Italian class
>Have a cooking project, working with a friend
>Decide to make Tiramisu
>Somehow, between the lady-finger soaking part and the layering, we absolutely fuck it up
>leave it to 'set' overnight
>In the morning it's just a chunky, wet, vaguely cream-filled mess in a serving dish

I was embarrassed to serve it.

>>16607761
Did you try it

>>16607784
Yeah. Tasted like cold, old cheap espresso and crumbly cookies. Not awful, but not all that good and probably one of the worst things served for that clas.

>>16595109
>Trump supporters can't admit mistakes
>When the american left are the ones who constantly blame everything that goes wrong on Russian hackers because they refuse to admit they were wrong about Trump being a Russian plant

>>16601691
Kill yourself faggot

not strictly cooking related but here goes
>14, daytime, home alone
>getting hungry
>mom had made a HUGE pot of soup the day before
>put the whole thing on the stove with super high flame (I was an idiot)
>think it's gonna take a long time to get warm, so play some vidya for a while
>friend calls
>says he's at the movie theatre and there's a movie starting in 15 minutes and asks me if I want to join
>sure why not, run out of the apartment to get to the movie theatre
>halfway through the movie, dad calls
>decline the call
>calls again
>decline, text that i'm watching a movie
>mom starts calling
>wtf
>shut down the phone
>later walking home
>realize that I had left the soup on the stove
>that must be why my parents were calling me
>run home as fast as I can
>fire department in front of the house
>can smell gas as soon as I open the front door
>everything is black, everything stinks
>walk into the living room
>parents are just quietly sitting the living room
>walk into the kitchen
>tfw I burned my kitchen down

>>16588687
Trying to make New York Pizzas for the first time.
Stretching the dough turned into a mess or holes and the flour I was using to keep it from sticking was turning gummy and ruining the dough. The sauce was sogging out the crust as I was adding it, and overall it was a terrible experience. Probably the angriest I've gotten in a very long time.
Ended up slamming them together into pan pizzas that were mediocre, but at least edible.

Today I woke up to this.
I was too drunk to cook last night.

>>16610322
What was that?
Also, how do you people decide to cook at midnight while tanked when it is so clearly a really, really dumb idea? I feel like this has been a very educational thread but none of you retards have seemed to learn anything.

>>16610322
That meat might could still be salvaged.
You might as well try. Get some liquid in there and see if it'll stew.
You can't go wrong with a nice stew

>>16595089
Only that one home cook level guy is worth watching.
He should start his own channel.

>>16610334
It was just some chicken wings and green peas, it is cheap food so it doesn't really matter.
>>16610341
It can not be salvaged, it is charred and the water content is 0%, if you want me to I can try and light it on fire, it is practically charcoal.

>>16602803
Lol you probably gave yourself nerve damage in your hand bro.
Just keep an eye on it when you're working with hot things eh?

>>16610334
>how do you people decide to cook at midnight while tanked when it is so clearly a really, really dumb idea?
Whey you are drunk you do dumb shit.

>>16608660
Did you end up finishing high school?

>>16610358
>if you want me to I can try and light it on fire,
I will throw it in the trach soon....

>>16607761
the cream split

>>16610358
>if you want me to I can try and light it on fire, it is practically charcoal.
Yes. Any opportunity to breathe life into an open flame should be lept upon with fervor, lest you fall into faggotry.

>>16611625
You're so manly and cool.

>>16588687
Tried to boil potatoes without water