/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>16044792
Normalfags

saw a guy get his nipple bit off in a fight in the parking lot of a dive bar I go to.

At Club Downtown in downtown Montreal, you can drive a remote control car with a dildo attached to it into an AIDS infested nigger pussy.

women

>>16044792
Saw a guy die once. Heart attack, I think. Paramedics worked on him for a half hour or so, right there on the floor of the bar, as drinks continued to be served.

Me getting a blood job by a stripper on the toilet in the men's room after buying her a shot of goldschlager.

>>16044824
>Club Downtown in downtown Montreal
Hey that's the place where I may or may not have coomed in my pants because the lap dance was way too intense

>>16044843
*blow

>>16044843
that sounds like AIDS, Hep C, meningitis and cirrhosis all mixed up into one

>>16044792
Been over 2 decades now but I witnessed a drink elderly man try to sit on a barstool and slam straight into the floor.
The issue was that this bar had a brick foot rest shelf and he cracked his head against it on the way down.
The amount of blood and other fluids pouring out of his head were not pleasant.

>>16044792
fat ugly old white guy, broke as a joke, onlypaid 2 dollars to some barkeep so he'd go outside and smoke and pretend to be busy so he can stay at the bar for like 1 hour while he paid off his 5 dollar tab for one bottle of beer. never bought any food, never brought any friends, just... never even paid ahead. always asked the dude to keep in behind the bar so he can pretend to talk to his friend on the cellphone.

>>16044792
Biker fight where a bystander got shot.

Whenever I go to a bar I end up buying cocaine and drinking and doing blow till 8 am then I lay in bed the whole next day wasting my weekend. I have to stop. It doesn’t even help me get pussy. Cause now I get too fucked up but now I’ve no idea what it’s like to have just 2 drinks at a bar

>>16044792
I don't go to them much because the highlight of the night usually involves me

A girl taking ranch dressing chasers after taking a shots.

>>16044854
I pushed a girl off me way too hard to prevent that and got kicked out of a strip club

>>16044792
i was driving to a wedding in kentucky once and we stopped for lunch in centerville kentucky, a little one stoplight town truly in the middle of nowhere. i don't even remember the name of the bar we went to but it was sad seeing the way the economically depressed locals reacted to our presence, like they were all suddenly deeply embarrassed or just were not comfortable at all around outsiders.

several people paid their tabs and left when we sat down to eat (we're all white btw so it wasn't that) and at one point a guy wandered in and a waitress screamed at him to get out. one of my buddies asked if everything was okay and her response was "oh yeah that's just the town drunk, he steals decorations off the wall and sells them for drug money".

i also remember the wedding itself was in a relatively big city for kentucky and you couldn't drink the tap water because all of the pipes were old and lead and unsafe, you had to go buy water from the gigantic wall of one gallon water bottles labeled "DRINKING WATER" at the dollar general. appalachia is wild.

>>16044824
>>16044854
hello 911 i just witnessed a murder

>>16045197
y else go to bars lol

Witnessing a drunk gay bartender getting pounded in the ass by an old man ON THE BAR. Lots of glassware broken.

>this drunk bartender was my coworker
>fired the next day

>>16044792
Badly overpriced drinks.

A guy with a blinking light-up YOLO shirt walked up to the taps and without a word proceeded to slap of the blown glass tap handles and throwing them around the bar. He grabbed a chair, smashed it on the ground, picked up two legs, and ran outside. I was not going to miss a second of this so I followed him. There was like a dozen people smoking at the front entrance, and mr. Yolo burst through the door, dual wielding chair legs, swinging and missing the smokers. A cop car pulled up, promptly razed him, and tossed him in the back. I went back inside and helped the bartender with the glass.
You only yolo once.

>>16046348
*tazed not razed

>>16044792
saw a girl get gangraped in a very small bar in japan.

reusing unwashed cups

I lost 15kg and so lost a lot of alcohol tolerance but I went from just drunk to blackout in a pub for about half an hour and came to mid rant about aboriginals but the bar was also full of aboriginals. Friends now all think I'm racist but didn't get bashed so that was good

>>16045001
The north-americans can immediately be spotted as they bring skin color into anything they talk about. Disgusting.

>>16046501
fuck are you on about? he's using it as an innocuous descriptor buried in the middle of five others. get a life faggot

>>16046501
Seething shitskin is reminded yet again that he will never be white, the post

>>16044792
The bathroom

>>16045410
If you hadn't fucked your coworker you wouldn't have been fired.

>>16044792
>it’s a ‘host brings in a lady pimp to tell the strip club owner that she needs to discipline and order around her bitches because it doesn’t matter if they’re ‘independent contractors’ if they’re not making money then you’re not and they’re whores so if they’re ever not selling pussy you should be punishing them’ episode
Seriously some of this shit is slimy

>in a bar with a pool table
>random guy walks up and pissess in the top right pocket
> people keep playing pool like nothing happened

>>16046378
Do tell

>>16044792
£10 card limit.

>in spoons
>guy orders steak, uses knife to stab himself in the stomach

>in spoons
>rando 18yr old says some snide shit about a friends cousin
>her 50ish yr old dad throws him through the window of the opticians across the road

>>16044792
Drunk guy getting punched in the face and falling back onto the concrete. The sound his head made was the worst part. Found out from the news the guy ended up being put on life support but was taken off when it as determined he would never recover.

>>16044792
I only know about that show because of Jim & Sam.

I don't go to bars enough to have seen anything super gnarly. I did once almost get in a fight with some 40-year-old drunkie because I happened to be sitting next to his ex and she wanted to punch her but I was in the way.
The female bartender did a very good job of talking him down. Not her first rodeo, I'm guessing.
Pic related is the ex he was angry at. No, I did not fuck her.

wow all of these experiences really make me feel like im missing out hahaha fricken covid! i wanna go witness drunken homicides!

>>16046378
Must have been awkward doing a gang rape in such a small crowded place.
A man needs his elbowroom.

>>16047422
It's fun. Don't be such a fucking pussy.

>>16047437
Not that guy but last time I was at a club I felt like the meme about the guy in the corner wishing he was home. Drinks were overpriced as fuck and watered down, took forever to get them, music sucked, dance floor was so packed you could only stand on it and bob up and down and going from one place to another was an ordeal plus I couldn't hear fucking anything anyone was saying. I can only imagine I used to enjoy it because I was on ecstasy all the time. It was fucking awful.

>>16047457
Of course clubs suck. We're talking about bars here.
And not fancy ones either judging by the stories.

Drunk guy whipped an empty glass at a table and knocked out the toddler sitting at the booth. Nearly everyone in the bar beat his ass and an ambulance stretchered him out in a neck brace

>>16047554

A mexican manlet about 5' tops way being gay and vaping huge clouds of berry smelling vape.
I thought it was extremely gay and I was pretty drunk, so I did the classic "you got something on your shirt bro" and when he looked down I flicked his nose, he proceeded to get pissed off and followed me around the bar until he tried punching me.
It was pretty funny because I didn't even have a chance to fight back because the bouncer literally picked him up and tossed him out of the bar like a small sack of potatoes.

A guy tried to sell me an NFL keyholder in the bathroom

>>16044792
I paid for amazon prime just to see a specific episode that was hard as balls to find on the high seas, where a bar with a girl who worked there flashed customers for five bucks. She had the kind of bad 90's plastic tits I remember from my youth. Damn that bar was a shitshow

>>16046501
Yeah Euros just let them rape their ass and then cry when they are deported

Saw 2 drunk guys "fighting" on the grass in the outer bit. They were just rolling around angrily trying to shove lemons in eachothers mouths. Seen a bartender drop a glass and scaring one of the regulars who then elbowed the guy next to him out of reflex. The guy was a bit annoyed but they were alright about it. Another time I'd sat down a table with one of our old regulars, in his 80's to have a drink after shift. Chatted to him then went for a piss, then came back and sat with him for about 5 minutes until I realised he was dead.

>this thread
what kind of shitholes do you guys live in? and here i thought my city was bad because my wallet got stolen twice

>>16044836
i was a food runner at a place one time and this dude had a heart attack and i thought he was choking and ran over to heimlich him and his wife jumped up and body checked the shit out of me and then like grabbed the table and dragged it to make room for her husband to lay down. i was pretty impressed honestly.

An old fat guy fingering another old fat guy's asshole while sitting next to each other at the counter.

I ordered 10 wings, ate most of them but left 1 or 2 untouched. The cook grabbed the basket and ate the leftover wings before dumping the bones in the trash. I was both disgusted and also felt kind of bad.

They were whole wings so both the drum and flat counted as one

>>16048507
when i used to serve and bartend we called it the "bustub buffet" and if food was relatively untouched everyone would run back to the server's station and inhale whatever food was there.

>>16047457
Aging out brother. It’s the natural order of things. I frequent strip clubs more now.

>>16048449
was this a dream? what kind of bars do this? asking for a friend.

One time I saw two girls start fighting when suddenly a dude decked one of the girls in the face knocking her down. With 10 seconds he had like three dudes beating the shit out of him, they dragged him outside and beat him up more till he was unconcious then drug him across the street butt ass naked and left him in the dirt, we all continued on as normal and after like 10 min he stumbled away. I thought he was dead

saw someone order a manhattan with whistlepig whiskey, the 20-something waitress walk over and pull down a bottle of boss hog from a locked case, hand it to the bartender who referred to himself as a mixologist, and watch him shake up a manhattan with shitty well vermouth and a neon red cherry

>>16045392
Banter with the lads, then some shitty takeout food.

>>16047422
>covid
Literally a flu.

>>16044792
The funniest thing I’ve seen at a bar was a drunk guy going up to a van and pretend to kick it. He laughs and turns around, little did he know 6 guys were in that van and they didn’t think his joke was funny so they stomped him out in the snow and then just got in their van and left, running over his legs on the way out.

>bar

Fucking yanks lel.

What I've seen in the pub

>being 16 and underage in a dodgy pub, some minging slag sat in the men's sink in the toilets, washing her minge out in such a way you could see everything
>me vomiting into a potted plant and pretending nothing had happened. It was still there two weeks later
>one bloke losing his eye when someone smashed a glass in his face
>my mate vomiting into the toilet at the same time as projectile diarrhea starting flying backwards out of the cubicle
>England scoring a goal in the World Cup and someone stealing my mate's Chicken baguette he'd bought because he was drinking too much on an empty stomach, and them throwing it across the room at some old fella

>>16044854
>>16044824

Been there, the lesbian show is amazing when you're 18

>>16049077
>>my mate vomiting into the toilet at the same time as projectile diarrhea starting flying backwards out of the cubicle
Did he pull down his pants to vomit?

I was bartender at a dive bar. Told a skinhead Hitler was a nigger. He had his friends come over and they trashed the place. Ten years later people still go 'hey it's nigger hitler' when they see me.

A dude once sat in a corner and was dead. No one noticed it, even after 24 hours.

>>16045242
I know a girl who used to do that lol

>>16044792
Pic related, but the bar

t. Luck to be alive, changed my life

>>16044792
your mamma whoring herself for beers..

>>16046378
>manlet
>5'
He's a midge.

>>16047457
you're supposed to already be wasted by the time you get to the club.

Was at a ski bar in BC, I happened to leave at the same time as a big group of drunk middle age dads, I watched one fall on his ski pole and stab himself right in the gut. It didn't look fatal but he sure was screaming his head off.

>>16044792
30 something balding incel tries to buy shots for a group of 3 college-age girls multiple times. They move to the opposite end of the bar. Bitter incel bitches the rest of the night & doesn't tip. Pretty tame compared to the rest of the thread but found it funny

After a couple friends and I got out, this hamplanet had to shit waiting for an Uber. She walked around the corner and just shat on the sidewalk.

>>16044792
a cute girl locked eyes with me a few tables down, i imeddiately looked down and made sure to never look in that direction for the rest of my time there

>>16046944
under rated

>>16044792
was just telling my buddy this morning about how i once saw a midget try to pay for a drink with a few nuggets of weed. Very surreal

>>16044792
trannies mostly

>>16050259
Same

>>16045328
Yea kentucky is a fucking shithole

Can't decide between pregnant lady who shot up into her tiddy vein or bikers who had a gross out contest and ate eachothers shit

>>16044824
I was at a club in Montreal where they poured alcohol on the bar, lit it on fire, and proceeded to let it burn until the room was filled with smoke

>>16049077
Britain sounds like a disgusting shithole and you deserve Islam.

I used to live in Chicago back when Evil Olive was at the height of its infamy and I attended several dozen Porn & Chickens. Aside from lots of naked girls and people doing drugs in the bathroom, I've never seen anything too extreme - no deaths or shootings, anyway.

Played pool with a Nazi and he tried to take me back to his "clubhouse"

>>16049412

>>16044809
Did you fry it up and eat it like a chip?

Used to work at a dive bar years ago. Asshole customer was being an asshole all night long, but the straw that broke the camel's back and really pissed off one of our bouncers was him groping one of the girls that worked there as she was cleaning tables. The bouncer literally threw this guy out and broke his arm, and the dude shits himself on the spot. It was an out of body experience and I wasn't even involved. I do miss that job sometimes.

>>16044792
The things your mother would do for a Coors back in the 80's were absolutely disgusting.

>>16051641
It would probably shrivel up into nothing like spinach.

>>16050259
That sounds like how I'd probably respond if a girl ever made eye contact with me haha

I found my mom at a bar once. We made eye contact as I walked in and immediately left.
I have never spoke to her since. I'm 25. Last time I spoke to her was on my 21st birthday when she encouraged me to drink for the first time and I said no. Since then I have still never had my first drink, and I'm confident that I'm not an alcoholic because of the night I went to that bar with the intent of getting shitfaced after getting laid off, my gf leaving me, and getting the results back testing positive for stage 2 prostate cancer (now stage 3) all in the same day.
A son shouldn't put that kind of burden on his mother, but my mother shouldn't be at a bar either.
I'm not gonna make it but I'm gonna at least going die knowing that small accident set me on a good path in life

>>16052293
>Since then I have still never had my first drink
>testing positive for stage 2 prostate cancer (now stage 3)
>not drinking when you're going to die anyway
Sounds like bullshit to be honest, why are you here then?
>my mother shouldn't be at a bar either.
Why? What's the problem with it? Also you should probably talk to her otherwise it will be worse for her when she finds out you had cancer and never told her. You could always kill yourself, but that's pretty pointless if you're dying soon anyway

>>16048528
My thoughts exactly. I’m not calling that anon a liar but damn.

>>16049077
Yeah none of that is surprising. I’ve got lots of British friends. You people are animals.

>>16044792
>What's the worst thing you've witnessed at a bar?
drink prices.
jesus christ I can buy a bottle of booze for the price of 1 drink.

>>16050259
Shit, that reminds me of something.
One time I was just having an after-work beer by myself. I worked evenings so it was probably around midnight.
Place was almost empty so I took a table and did some reading on my Kindle while nursing the brew. Then the bartender comes over and gives me a not that she says is from a lady of maybe 65 sitting across the room.
The note said something like "I'm so sad to see how lonely you are and I hope things get better. Keep your chin up"

Fucking hell, lady.

I bought her a beer since she obviously meant well but that was fucking brutal. I wonder if that's the kind of thing some of the autists on this board worry about when they say they can't eat alone in a restaurant.

>>16052857
I don't believe that happened. Also put your feet up on a chair, it makes you look less lonely from someone else's point of view

>sit down early in the evening, waiting for my brother to join me
>a guy has passed out in a booth a few tables over
>it is like 6pm, a bar person goes over to encourage the passed out patron to leave
>patron wakes up, walks past the employee, without audible words, heads over to the bar
>notice something is off about this
>the back of his trousers and shirt is covered in shit

i went to my regular spot one time on a sunday and they had been rented out by a magazine launch party. they were a lesbian magazine and the crowd there were the wildest bunch of bull dykes ive ever seen. most were topless. many of them had mustaches. some of them both topless and mustache! so we couldn't pass this up. we were familiar enough that the staff couldn't really tell us to not to come in, but we were making the lesbo crowd there really icked out. they tried vibing us out, but we were there to aggravate them anyway so it was really humorous for me. i eventually took my shirt off. and funny enough, this was enough for some of the mean ones to take a liking to me. drinks were bought for both sides, and what was once a stiff stand off between locals and bull dyke interlopers, turned into a funny enough detente.

>>16053287
cool fantasy

i can verify the story. i actually met my wife that night. she was one of the dykes. we met years later, and when i happened to be telling that same story , she remembered the night exactly as i did. we laughed heartily and fell in love. maybe it love at first site all along ?!?!?!?

>>16053303
You never know it could be true, I doubt it though. I've been in a similar situation. It wasn't a magazine thing though just a big group of dykes, I was only passing money to someone anyway so I didn't stay

>>16053359
what the hell is wrong with both of you ? its a bar story, told exactly from memory. its not that outrageous. i've seen more outrageous things at bars in my life, but that story if fun for this board. quit trolling. and quit ruining threads with your pugnaciousness.

One time my sisters and i went down to a local gay bar to celebrate our magazine's first issue, and this weird group of neckbeards came in, even though we rented out the whole bar. One of them, this weird, lumpy dwarf of a manlet, even took his shirt off. Probably turned all the bi girls in the crowd off of men forever. We tried to get them some drinks to buy them off, but the lumpy dwarf seemed to think it made us friends, and he wouldn't stop bothering us for the rest of the fucking night.

>>16053386
>everything I say is fact and you should believe me
You really think someone would do that? Just go on the internet and tell lies?

>>16044792
I once when to a bar and it turned out everyone there was a homosexual, it was most unpleasant

>>16053711
I walked into a gay bar once without realising. I was coming down and waiting for a friend to pick me up. Spent about 20 minutes talking to some bloke til he mentioned fucking in the bathroom and I realised where I was.

>>16053733
was it a closet gay bar?

>>16053752
Ur a cheeky fucker u lad
I realised what it was because next day we were joking about it. It was the same bar a coworker went to because he's a gay