/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>15976627
>who has the best summer sausage?
ur dad lmao

>>15976642
Thanks for the free bump
>(You)

Cmon faggots, I'm trying to impress a girl and I'm basically a retard when it comes to this stuff. Come through on some suggestions and let one of us be free.

>>15976627
looks good enough to me dude. get some havarti cheese if you don't have it already.

>>15976677
Anon, it looks fucking delightful, okay?

>>15976798
>>15976802
Thank you, just wanna get it perfect lol. Harvarti is a good suggestion.

>>15976840
im assuming you have some crackers somewhere else but if you don't maybe you should get those? anyways >>15976627 >>15976677 looks tasty as fuck would eat

>>15976677
i really love almonds with these boards. i see you have some in the bowl but i woud want more

>>15976627
>>15976677
Fuck you you pompous faggot. The day u snap I'm going to specifically target people like you.

>>15976845
Yes, one of the people has celiacs so we moved them elsewhere to avoid contamination. Wheat thins, the big round crackers and triscuits.

>>15976866
Anon, I'm the one under pressure here, calm down lol

>>15976881
You're just trying to make her fart during sex, aren't you?

>>15976899
Its been a long drought, to be honest I wouldn't much care if she did.

>>15976627
Brie de Meaux, one of only two bries officially certified by the French government.

>>15976925
That is if you're not an amerifag, since it's illegal in the US because it's made from unpasteurized cow's milk.

Needs more pickled items / spreads / sauces

>>15976940
I was thinking about that, I can get a jar of this amazing local jalapeno jelly bit what else.

>>15976938
Not only amerifag but midwest midbest, I have a dearth of options.

>>15976955
Pickled cherry peppers is really good. Grey poupon mustard. Kalamata olives. Cherry tomatoes.

>>15976627
Theres way too much food on that board for 2 people. Use more variety of meat and cheese but less quantity of each. Id suggest 1 hard cheese to crumble, 1 aged cheese to cut and 1 fresh cheese to shmear and make sure they arent all cows milk. For meats do the same, 3-4 different types from different animals. Sausage, prosciutto, 1-2 types of salami. You dont need a jar of jam just put a dab on the board, and stick to one variety of nut and use dried fruit. Herbs to garnish and fill im the gaps. If you give a bitch a board like this while talking/listening to music and drinking wine she will melt.

Oh I know my local grocer has the cherry peppers, we already plan 2 kinds of olives but I should switch the ones that arent garlic stuffed with kalamata

>>15976627
>Me and some friends are doing some charcuterie this weekend
You... preplanned this? You are either boring as fuck or way too old to be on this site anon.

>>15976987
I'm cohosting this with her, for 5-6 people but this is some solid advice.

>>15977018
Well we do a monthly food thing that started with Friendsgiving, it's just my little circle of friends. I'm the oldest at 34 but I don't use the more toxic boards, usually /diy/, /out/, etc.

>>15977018
>my super secret website has an age limit

>>15977018
you jealous as fuck. wish i had some friends that wanted to do weekly food dishes to share. sounds like a great time

>>15976958
How did I know you were midwest when I saw that shitty third rate spread

>>15977094
Imagine feeling the desire to post this lol

>>15977038
>Friendsgiving
Ok, boring as fuck confirmed. You need some better hobbies dude.

>>15977043
If you are 34 and still using this website you most certainly have a problem. and if you don't think this is correct then you are most certainly over the age of 30 and already too far gone.

>>15977072
lol no. its fucking food on a board dude. he didn't even have to prep anything. he just opens shit and puts it on a board. the fact that this means so much to anon is very concerning and just highlights how boring his life is.

>>15977119
Get a hobby. Buy a kite. Learn origami. Whatever keeps you from blogposting assumptions about a strangers on a honduran beetle collecting website.

>>15977119
I'm 42. Blue boards aren't b my dude

>>15976627
get some mitica mahon you bitch

>>15977119
>he thinks at x age he will leave

oh you poor summer and or covid child. you will learn eventually.

>>15977150
I'll keep an eye out for it.

>>15976627
Oh yes, I just love a good charcuterie. I like to make a day of it- I go to a cute little dairy to get amazing cheeses and then to a pretty little sausagier to get the best meats and then the farmer's market to get nice fruits, and then finally Trader Joes for crackers and nuts. After my lovely day of shopping I call all my best friends and invite them all over to enjoy charcuterie and to eat ass.

>>15977138
>>15977134
Have you guys been trapped in the same loop for the last 20 years or something? The fact you are so old and still browsing a website populated mostly by teenagers is really sad. I hope you eventually develop the self discipline to take yourself away from here and better yourselves.

>>15977252
Solid post lol

>>15977264
Of the boards I frequent, most people are around my age. Don't worry anon, one day that prefrontal cortex will finish developing and you'll get it.

>>15977264
>anything short of full communism banned on every website
>gee why are you on one of the only free speech sites left with any sort of user base
You’ll be here too if the site lasts that long

>>15977175
>oh you poor summer or covid child

>>15976627
That board looks like everything on it was bought at Ralph's

>>15977303
God holy shit this board gets worse every year.
Or maybe I'm just getting more jaded every year.
I just want charturie and a smoke at this point.

>>15977311
Not sure what Ralphs is but yeah, I want to do better this time. That's why I made the thread.

>>15976677
OP you got one of these around? Good place for boards

>>15977413
Yup, Im making sure to hit it up.

Charcuterie with friends sounds gay as fuck, sorry.

>>15977432
Well you're uninvited

>>15977429
Sweet I'd start with castello blue, port salut/triple cream brie, grana padano and maybe the cheddar with caramelized onions. Olive tapenade? Good crackers and the rice thins are gf. I don't care for the cured meats there, look for dry cured prosciutto somewhere else.

>>15977459
Yeah the prosciutto wasn't very good, had sort of a dog food taste to it.

>>15977264
I'm 20 and it doesnt surprise me that multiple ages use this site. It usually has some pretty good advice and interesting insight, mixed in with terrible advice and schizo talk. I wish there were more places like this

>>15976627
needs pickles

>>15976925
French cheese is overrated.
Britain has better and more varieties than the frogs.

>>15976627
>Why yes I eat an entire block of Brie
>Why yes that entire stack of cooked sausage is per person
>why yes those are indeed a grand total of 10 raspberries
More fucking fruit, more chorizo, less low quality cooked sausage shit. Drop the brie, get gran pardano or some real parmesan. Fucking cheddar what the fuck is wrong with you. The rest is okay. Get some high quality crackers for the jam.

>>15976627
Dates and good smoked gouda. Goat cheese and honey. manchego and strawberries is pretty good too. cheers.

>>15976627
So you were larping a roman orgy?

>>15976677
Looks really good already dude
I think you're just being an autist about it but its fine
Maybe add a bit more fruit but thats it

>>15976627
Fig jam, baguette or sourdough crostini.

>>15976627
Espresso Bellavitano. Thank me later.

>>15976627
Your mom thinks my sausage is best.

REEEEE charcuterie is the meat stop referring to a board of whatever bullshit as "charcuterie"

>>15976802
is this filipe?
>>15976677
girl here, looks like shit. all the meats are clearly pre-sliced and packaged and arranged with the aesthetic eye of a nervous thirteen year old
improve your olive game. go to an olive bar or marinate your own. get some cornichon, pickled okra, green beans, prperoncini, pickled mushrooms, you need more pickles.
fruit is also alto weak. pears and melon belong on a shark board. marinated tomatoes are also a 10/10 addition
go to a deli or a cheese shop and get better meats and cheeses. that cheddar is bad. the brie and what is that, gouda? 4/10. goat cheese belongs in soup. try manchego, a washed rind cheese, spend money on very ripe brie, something basic bitch like cambozola, raclette, marinated feta or mozarella. cheddar is great, but whatever you have there looks like ass.
make sure you are serving it with at least two types of each bread and chrackers. a crusty loaf, a dark seeded loaf, water crackers and some herbed crostini are top nut. honey, olive oil and mustard are missing.

i'm sure whatever retard you'retrying to fuck will be thrilled by your spread though. put some m&ms in the bowl of nuts for her

>>15979181
I wish
>>15979230
Nice
>>15979192
Theres carbs elsewhere from thre pic to avoid gluten contamination but fig jam sounds dope
>>15979253
You have to go back
>>15979397
>girl here
Stopped reading there, I don't take advice from liars.

>>15976649
but it was you.

>>15976627
you seem to be missing a hard cheese and a fresh element like grapes or cherry tomatoes. The rest looks great

>>15976677
bringing cheese to a get together isn't going to impress her dude

>>15976677
If you want to impress her try cooking something instead of opening a series of packages.
Charcuterie is expensive lunchables for kidults.

>>15976677
Here's a suggestion, make a real dish for her instead of cold cuts and fuckin cheeeeeese

>>15976627
I like fontina, but it's pretty boring

>>15976677
>trying to impress a girl
Who is the real faggot here?

>>15979943
>>15979954
>>15980111
We're cohosting for people, if you read the thread a bit lower. I have cooked for the same group more than a few times

>>15977018
>zoomer thinks he owns this site
Son, sit down. Grown ups are talking.

>>15979397
Homosexual here, we only act nice to women because they are the mental equivalents of children and it's pointless to regard them otherwise if you're not trying to fuck them.
Whenever bitches walk away we shit talk you.
The best part is I'm not even joking.

>>15976677
You're not going to impress a woman by being a servile faggot, and it's not like she has taste realistically

>>15976938
>France allows unlicensed possession of full auto assault cheeses

>>15976627
havartis and goudas I've been loving. muenster is my usual go-to when cooking. and my favorite food as a child was the almond-and-port-wine-cheese dip at holidays.

sneed

>>15979397
>goat cheese belongs in soup
Absolute shit fucking taste. You disgust me tranny.

>>15982757

lol

>>15976627
Charcuterie is meat, but who cares, sounds good right?.
Would still add more variants of meat, less of everything. If you are going with salami cold cuts which.. come on.. don't stack them like you dumped them out of the package. Why the trail mix?
Looks a bit like a meal for a fatass who has given up on eating bread and just grabbed whatever toppings and snacks was available, and added a sprig of herbs to keep it classy. Those fucking salami stacks, fuck.
Oh and add a glass of good red wine (Don't drink Gatorade, i know you were gonna)

>>15979397
>meats are clearly pre-sliced and packaged
>improve your olive game
>fruit is also alto weak
>tomatoes are also a 10/10 addition

hate to say it but she's right about these ones

>>15976642
actually looks great

>>15976677
To be honest that looks pretty awesome.

>>15979397
This is expressed abrasively, but also substantive. Although it depends on your audience. Some people like simpler and more familiar things.

>m&ms in the bowl of nuts for her

Find you a man who appreciates all of it.

>>15978407
It's the shittiest website except for all the other ones.

>>15976677
the way you've placed the banana is too suggestive, throw the entire banquet in the trash

>>15976627
>doing some charcuterie
can you speak normally?

>>15977038
>Friendsgiving
What the fuck is that?
>I don't use the more toxic boards
"Toxic"? Seriously? Maybe Reddit is a more fitting website for you.

>>15976627
You and your friends must do the worst smelling shits, like pic related

>>15976627
Weak ass olive game. Drizzle olive oil on them and add some herbs or spices that u like.

>>15976627
I’m not reading your stupid thread. You can make sheep’s eyeballs from the discworld cookbook.

>>15983692
Lol

>>15983940
Friendsgiving is like Thanksgiving but you have it with your friends. I don't see what my board use has to do with cured meats and cheeses but here's your (You).

>>15984072
Hell yeah.

So basically what I'm getting is more options, less meat, better olives, and more pickled/bite sized veg. We're doing this tomorrow so hopefully we can really go all out and I get to touch this woman's frontbutt.

>>15976627
>charcuterie
you can impress her by not being a flaming faggot. what are you going to do after eating your faggy little 'charcuterie', give her interior design tips and go shopping for lamps?

>>15984482
Thanks for the advice.

>>15976627
lord, id do anything for this except get a job or have sex

charcuterie is some lazy white people shit. "Lets just put a ton of raw ingredients out on a plate and let people make meat sandwiches with it."

If I wanted to impress someone I would make them an actual meal instead of serving some grown up lunchables.

>>15984724
you're a fucking faggot dude

>>15976627
extra sharp cheddar

>>15984724
Sure thing bro.

>>15984748
What skin colour you are since you are so much better?
And what would you serve to impress someone?

Post reeks on north-american.

>>15984748
If you'd read the thread, we're cohosting this for some friends.

>>15984869
you're all fags

>>15984340
Enjoy your evening king

>>15977473
>had sort of a dog food taste to it.
chink confirmed!

>>15976627
Get some pepper jelly it's nice to have something spicy with brie or whatever brie-like cheese inevitably will be there.

Try and find a local cured meat if you're not in the middle of no where. Everyone can get the same stuff at the grocery store that you can.

>>15977119
>friends set aside time to do things with each other
>you, getting all mad after googling what 'friends' are

Jealous loner detected.

>>15976677
>>15976627
Roquefort

>>15976642
You shouldn’t use brie where vermin already ate the corner, also your broccoli looks very dry, what did you do to it?
I’m not even going to ask about those radish slices in the middle. 3/10

>>15984482
kek read this in ben stillers voice

https://youtu.be/m7EbP0GU_4M

>>15976677
I would say some water crackers or a nice french baguette cut into small slices would be good. Don't let the virgins fuck with you. My GF loves when I make these and have a nice little lunch for just us 2.

>>15976627
What is that right center next to the spoon?

cheeses and meats don't really matter beyond a point. spend a few extra dollars on spreads, GOOD crackers, and finding in season fruit.

>>15980173
You. You sex starved loser

>>15976627
ur stealing from the homeless and the victims now? thts not charcuterie... charcuterie foods arent stolen....

>>15986292
im not ina gang and thts just photoshop ur just a racist go marry a kike

>>15976627
>>15976677
>brie
>no blue cheese
Feck off

>>15986327
Raspberry goat cheese
>>15986612
>>15986694
Based schizoposters
>>15987034
You mean bleu cheese? We ditched the brie, it wasn't a crowd favorite.

>>15987048
Bleu cheese is just another name for blue cheese. Are you French/Canadian?
>We ditched the brie, it wasn't a crowd favorite
I understand your friends. Brie tastes fucking bad

>>15987204
No I just don't know a lot about cheese lol

>>15987204
>Blue cheese
>Fromage bleu
Pick one.

>>15987360
Probably the first one but Ive seen it both ways.