/ck/ - Food & Cooking

made some bad ass cookies, with fruits and all.

had a baking towel for when the cookies were gonna sit. so the baking towel covered the cookies and oven was ready so in it goes.

5 mins later my oven is on fire

had insurance luckily

I can't remember any big cooking mistakes because I am not a fucking idiot.

>>15864872

>>15864895
Yes you are, you're a human after all.
....right?

>>15864942

>>15864904

I tried to heat up a pyrex pan on the stove. That motherfucker exploded into a million pieces. Before I did it I called my mom to see if it was safe. She said yes. I called her back and said it blew up, she told me to never put pyrex on the stove. I guess she wasnt paying attention when I asked the first time

>>15864872
dw it will cook right off

>>15864904
I've done this a trillion times without fucking up somehow but I know the day's going to come.

>>15864980
And what did she say when you reminded her that she'd just told you it was safe? Did she apologize?

>>15864964

>>15864996
She said she misunderstood.

>>15864872
nothing absurd, just routine dumbassery like burning things, using metal in non-sticks, leaving shit in the freezer (in lieu of a blast chill) for too long and freezing it, cuts, etc

>>15865010
Better make sure to put her in her place and tell her it had better not happen again. She better RECOGNIZE who shes fucking dealing with.

>>15864904
>>15865007

Selina it's okay :(

>>15865031
>>15865050

>made pizza while shitfaced
>didn't notice cardboard circle on bottom of pie
>until it started smoking in the oven

Shit happens

>>15864964
>harvard
>visibly gay retard
checks out

Releasing a lot of OC from tik tok. I know the source is shit but there's a lot of good /ck/ content on there that I'm willing to sift through.

using cooking oil to cook bacon

>>15865097
what was this supposed to even be?

>>15864904
>>15864964
>>15865097
I mean even if their technique wasn't awful none of these would work still because their shit just wasn't cooked right.

>>15865123
Cooked

>>15864872
>Be me young dumb new cook
>Show up for my shift at jap restaurant
>Working the steamer/saute station
>Smell burning
>Notice the steamer is low on water
>Go to add a few quarts
>3 foot roaring flames instantly shoot up
>Oil splatters everywhere making a giant mess
>Open kitchen so entire staff and leftover customers all see the hellfire
>Everyone rushing in the kitchen to help
>Old asian chefs gives me the 1000 yard stare
>Clean up, continue to work 10 hour shift with head down in shame

>>15865149
fucking kek so what was the appliance in actuality?

>>15864872
Never had anything remarkable happen even when I worked in a kitchen
>burned something
>burn myself
>fuck up a pan flip
>picked up something hot with a damp towel
>dropped something
>tried defrost a caprisun in the microwave when I was 10

>>15864894
>put towel in oven
Retard
>>15864895
>thinks he isn’t an idiot
Retard
>>15864980
>putting glass over an open flame
Retard
>>15865074
>cooking while drunk
Retard
>>15865149
>throwing water into a steamer
Retard

>>15864996
Nothing is woman's fault dummy.

>>15865251
based

>>15865206
The asshole before me was steaming pork belly and let all the water evaporate. So without paying attention i poured water over scalding hot pork grease

>>15865031
Women are so stupid.

>heating 2 inches of oil in cast iron to fry chicken
"Whoa it's smoking, better blow on it"
*immediately catches fire*

And then I panicked and quickly carried it outside to the yard because I didn't know what to do

It was one of the first times that I was cooking alone in my parents house.

I was just heating up some rice to eat with some fish.

My fucking dumb ass put one of the oil bottles on the stove´s circle and after that I started eating.

After I finished I realised the fuck I just did. Noticed the bottle was there and was going to put it where it should be.

IT FUCKING FUSED

I tried to separate it but the bottom of the fucking bottle was literally glued up to the stove. After pulling of the end it fucking broke at the lowest point.

Basically all the oil started coming out and everything was a mess.

Oil over all the the table and floor. When my mother came home she basically said what the fuck I had done and left.

She went to a restaurat for fucking eating instead of helping me.

@15865282
wrong post dumbo

>>15865310
based mom

>>15865031
Can we discuss how nice this kitchen is?

>>15865123
I think it was supposed to be fluffy japanese cake also >>15865136

>>15865007
I've seen this webm a 100 times but wtf was he even trying to accomplish here

>>15865123
seems like a fluffy japanese souffle pancake, something that requires a lot of baking practice and not just a few minutes on a clickbait video

>>15865444
I bet you I could make it right now.

>>15864872
tried to cook a stew on the highest temp

>>15865447
nah you couldn't

>>15864872
Wanted to make fried rice but didnt realise I had to cook the rice first.

>>15864872

when i first started working in kitchens i didnt know about water and grease. one of the grease traps caught on fire and i grabbed a bucket of water to put it out. thankfully somebody stopped me right before i threw it on because that whole restaurant was about to go up in flames lol

>>15865522
Kek

It didn't happen to me ,but my mom
>mom wanted to make a casserole or something
>as much as I love her she just doesn't understand how to cook
>She gets a pressure cooker pot that goes inside the plastic part of the pleasure cooker and puts it on the stove
>I see this and spend solid 15 minutes telling her that to not do this and that she will ruin the pot
>"oh anon you don't know what you're talking about"
>give up and think that she will have to learn the hard way
>after cooking she calls me downstairs for taste test
>ain't eating that.jpeg
>she lifts the pot and the bottom just falls off spilling everything everywhere
>find out she ate that shit anyway
>I don't know how she didn't die

>>15865499
yes i could

>>15865547
jesus christ. Did she at least learn her lesson

>>15865031
I foolishly tried to airflip a crepe some years ago.
The first one in the batch, which I fucking KNEW is always messed up and should just be eaten while you make the rest of them.
I was shirtless and because it kinda sorta stuck to the pan it ended up landing on my tummy and burning me.

>>15865623
Well we never got another pressure cooker so mayybbe

>>15865659
ouch

>>15865547
>pleasure cooker

Adding lamb to my bolognese. Or anything. Damn i hate lamb

>>15864872
Tried mixing up a stir fry with a plastic fork. I started coughing and I thought it was because of the peppers or something.
But then I realized it was probably because I was breathing in plastic vapor.

>>15865404
trying to flip the fish to grill the skin. he's retarded because you always start with the skin down if you're grilling.

Came home drunk one night and heated up a pot of stew. Went to the living room and sat it on a glass top coffee table. The glass broke everywhere, the stew hit the carpet. The worse part was glass went into the stew and my drunk ass couldnt even eat it. I cleaned as best I could, but it was still a mess. The next morning my roommate was not pleased

Hmm. Not so bad compared to you retards. One time making a huge pot of beans I forgot to stir for 45 minutes and it burned the bottom, ruining like 4lbs of beans and hours of time. There was still water, it just dried out the bottom and made a seal that burned.

I frequently do shit like squeeze my limes into my veggie discard bowl instead of throwing the spent limes in there. Happens when you're squeezing your 20th half lime.

>>15865659
can we see you without clothes

>>15865326
if they cleaned that up right away instead of taking a video it would of been much easier to get off before it hardened

>>15865326
>using the stove as another shelf in a messy kitchen
pure fucking stupidity.

>>15865050
She's allowed to be stupid and incompetent

Burning onions.
>Take forever to sweat
>Keep checking
>Lose focus for a second
>Burnt

>>15865031
>puts it back on the pan
Kek. What an autist.

>>15864872
Questioning Israel in America. The brainwashed Christians screaming muh greatest ally while never reading the Babylonian Talmud attacked me. Jesus Christ is boiling in hot excrement in hell according to the Jews.

Stupid little sheep Americans. Eergh.

>be 12
>wanna make some bruchetta (no idea why I enjoyed an older adult style food at that age but whatever) but I have no idea what I'm doing so I copy what I saw my mom and older sister do
>carefully and excruciatingly dice up a tomatto
>carefully and excruciatingly shred some cheese, almost take off a bit of my nuckle
>assemble and eat but then I realize that since I didn't toast the bread I'm just eating a simple tomato and cheese sandwich
>fire up the stove, place a couple of slices of French bread in my mom's best non stick pan, crank it to max and cover it because again I have no idea what I'm doing
>leave the kitchen and go jerk off or whatever
>3 hours later mom gets home, huh I'm sure I forgot about something whatever no big dea-
>hear my mom scream "WHAT THE FUCK" at the top of her lungs as she enters the kitchen, oh no
>kitchen/house didn't burn down thank God, but the now charcoal French bread pieces all caught on fire, albeit a tiny flame
>smoke/smell inhibited by lid so I didn't smell it and take care of it earlier
>moms favorite pan ruined
>she's furious for like 2 months, if she made anything that didn't taste good she'd always say loudly "well it's too bad I dont have my favorite pan anymore" and kinda glare at me while I try and look away

Affer that incident, I swore to myself that I'd never let anything like that happen to me again. I decided to take things in my life more seriously, like learning how to cook basic things/learning to take a lit stove seriously. I can point out this exact moment in my life when I decided to mature and become more of an adult.

>>15865878
depending on what it is, it might be hot enough to etch glass and will have ruined the stove top. what blows my mind is the back right burner is on high at the end of the clip

>>15865251
>he doesnt cook while drunk
Retard

>>15864872
I once forgot that I'd already added salt to my spaghetti when I was making spaghetti bolognese. Ended up double salted and almost inedible.

>>15864872
I overcook the eggs literally every time I try to make shakshuka. They are either overcooked or still have snot on top.

>>15866511

I forgot to add butter or milk to muh box of Great Value Mac n Cheese.

>be me
>at mates small apartment
>have to use glass stove top as counter space due to the lack of space
>start weighing stuff and notice the scales are glitching
>mfw i was cooking the scales

>>15864872
Can someone post the caramel torpedo greentext? I had it on my old computer and I suddenly have a need to have it now. The one where the dude broke his ceiling and his oven making "caramel"

>>15866820
>>15865547
>>15865326
stop putting plastic on the fucking stove

Usually just being careless with hot metal and get a burn every couple of years. Though the most embarrassing are always whenever I don't notice something with metal in it and put it into the microwave.

>>15866607
wow ngl your mom sounds like an emotionally manipulative bitch.

grilling bacon without a shirt on

grilling shirt without a bacon on

>>15867011
>>15867027
Goddamnit...

Take my upvotes!!!

>>15864872
I have ADHD, so I can't decide. I have ruined countless plastic items on my stove. One time, I burnt shirt and had to toss that in the sink real quick. No idea why it was there, but its no surprise with me.

>>15864872
This thread feels like I'm just watching the same thing over and over and over and over and over again.

>>15866607
I'm glad that this didnt bring you down.

>>15867051
Huh?

>>15865019
Kek

>>15864964
I wish this guy? was a gore thread

>>15866607
is this a new copypasta? seems familiar.

>>15867136
I've seen it before, not worth pastying desu

>>15866704
Use a lid

>try baking cookies as a kid
>switch the salt and sugar measurements
>taste it before I bake
>weeping

>>15865326
I did something similar to this with a new pan I bought. I took it out of the packaging and didn't realize there was a sticker on the bottom. Cooked it right into my stove top.

>>15864872
perfect webm for this topic, I audibly "Oh noooo"d.
electric-coil hobs are my cooking pet peeve, all the dangers and difficulty-to-clean of a gas hob grill, with none of the benefits of an open flame. electric but not wipe-clean like a ceramic or induction.

my stupid mistake, as a child, was trying to make a macaroni-and-cheese-from-the-blue-box, in the microwave, as if it was easymac. even if there's a way to make that work (and pasta can be very convenient in the microwave) I must have had only a child's understanding of water measurements, something completely wrong for 11 minutes in the microwave in a ceramic bowl. It came out in a plume of smoke, charcoal-black starch baked onto the bowl. we might have thrown it out.

I was chopping shit for a pad thai and watching Iron Chef, looking up at the tv I took two finger tips off and caused an abattoir in my kitchen.. Yes I was drunk.

>>15867011
>>15865659
>cooking shirtless
Why.
>>15865292
>carrying a heavy ass pan with BOILING OIL in it
FUCKING WHY.

>>15865031
the way the handle just breaks?
send them a strongly-worded email, Spencer.
He's wearing fucking FILA

>>15865074
for thin-crust pizzas on lower temperatures (like 450 tops, not fresh-dough 7-800 degree pizza-ovens) you can actually bake it on the cardboard. that's how you get that cracker-crust Jack's.

>Get skillet out of the oven with glove
>Take off glove
>Grab the handle a few minutes later
>Burn hand
I never learn
It's amazing I still have any nerves in my hand

things i did often before i knew how to cook
>put raw fillings into meat pies
>never timed when i added ingredients, absolutely fucked a pot of chicken soup when i put everything, pasta included, in cold liquid and just let it rip for two hours
>skimping on sugar when making hooch because '.5 kg seems like a lot' and ending up with bitter yeasty sludgewater
>dropped a tin of asafoetida once
>lived for a long time under the impression that the longer a roast cooked, the better
>nit understanding how to use herbs and ruining whole pots of food with overpowering wads of fresh oregano because i wasn't gonna use it for anything else anyway

>>15864872
I was making some sort of deep fried meatball recipe I found online. I'm not sure if I let the oil get way too hot, or made the meatballs too wet, but when I tossed them in the oil, they exploded violently. Several ounces of oil sloshed out onto the stovetop, and since it was a gas stove, the oil caught fire. It was a complete clusterfuck, and I'd probably have ruined my kitchen if I didn't have a fire extinguisher close by to put it out.

>>15866607
You did your mom a favor by ruining that toxic non-stick pan. She should've stuck with stainless or cast iron.

>>15865560
I'm telling you dude, not happening

>>15865310
>2021
>not siphoning out the oil into another container like a greaseball stealing gas from a caddy
>ishygddt

Gave myself food poisoning because I was too retarded to trust my nose

>just started living on my own and also absolutely retarded at cooking, the peak of my culinary skills was microwaving a hot-pocket
>have a large pack of chicken breasts I kept in the freezer and occasionally dug one out to cook, left open
>one day dig one out and start thawing it out in the microwave
>immediately hit by a nauseating smell of pure rot
>take it out of the microwave, smell it, gag
>decide to throw it in the pan anyway since I figured I could just cook it thoroughly enough to kill any bad stuff
>cook it for a long time on high heat, smells like shit throughout, I persevere through the smell because I am starving
>finally determine it's """"done"""", cut it up and throw it in a bowl over rice
>eat one bite, it's utterly disgusting
>wow that tasted like shit
>force myself to eat several more bites reasoning the whole thing probably wasn't bad
>wrong, every bite after is worse than the last
>finally give up after my sixth or seventh mouthful, throw the rest away, call it a night
>spent the next two days on top of or in front of my toilet, pure liquid coming out of both ends of my body

>>15866481
10 second rule

>>15867524
Get some talent, faggot

>>15867560
Just an FYI to any newfags to cooking, you can't cook out the bad stuff once something went rotten or spoiled, the bacterial waste is the toxic stuff thag makes you sick, you can cook the shit out of the bacteria but the toxins remain.
For me I was cooking drunk once and made bomb ass fried pig ears, frying in a pot not a fryer. Thought I shut the burner off but my drunk ass set it to max by over shooting the dial. Stupidly didn't move the pot off the burner. Fell asleep fat and drunk on my couch, woke up to my smoke alarm and a pot of fire ripping ass on my stove top. In my stupor I sober up and put a plate on the pot smothering the flames, walked it outside and opened all the windows.

>>15864872
I got overzealous with a brand new set of Mercer knives and ended up cutting my thumb to the bone. It healed surprisingly quickly and left a tiny pale line as a scar. That's the only remotely serious fuckup I've made in a kitchen.
Usually I just learn from my older sister's mistakes. She's a giftedly terrible cook (Attention span of a fly, arrogant enough to try to 'improve' recipes she can't consistently make the normal way, and will always double down and insist she 'prefers' the way the abominations turn out because her ego won't let her admit otherwise)

came home from the bar and food was slim pickens, but had some lipton soup. boiled water and added the package with some egg noodles, then accidentally fell asleep. woke up a couple hours later with the smoke alarm going off as the water had boiled off and the contents were terribly burnt. horrible stench filling my place. took about 6 weeks for the smell to go away.

Just last week I fell asleep while waiting for water to boil in my nice heavy bottom stainless saucepan. I woke up to hear some loud-ish pinging and popping and now have pic related.

>>15867756
aw man that sucks

>>15864872
ITT:drunk snobs falling asleep

As for me I can't recall anything life threatening, in high school I somehow fucked up making easy mac and threw it behind the shed to hide my shame and figured the critters could have it

Cut myself a bit cooking for a homeless shelter once

>>15864904
wa la

>>15865007
not sure why he tried to flip it all dramatic like that. seems like there was enough clearance on the top to just flip it while its still inside.
but also lol at him grabbing the piece of fish, probably burnt him a bit as well as when he touched the metal part.

>>15864872
Putting a can of fermented beans in the microwave

>want to make some corn nuts
>soak the white homies
>leave them out to dry
>go to fry them
>they weren't dry enough...

>Spend 2 hours making chicken stock
>I didn't even pour it down the drain, something even more stupid
>Leave it in the sink with cold water running on the opposite side to cool it down
>Walk away
>Pot ends up floating as the water keeps rising and drifts directly under the faucet
>All the stock dilutes into the sink

>>15867335
>>15865031
What the fuck are these pans?

>seasoning my cast iron on my camping burner outside
>burning off the uneven coating
>shit is rippen
>forgot my trivet
>if I carry it in the dogs are going to rush the door to find out what's going on and why they can't go out rn
>glass tabletop, it's thick and tempered it can withstand heat just long enough to grab the trivet real fast
>go inside
>hand touches trivet
>hear boom and glass shatter
>glass rocks all over my patio

>>15865659
jesus man workout you fucking flab of meat

>step dad made chicken marsala for my mom early on in their relationship
>overpowering smell of garlic, mom asks him how much he used
>like 2 cloves, it took me half an hour to cut them all up :^)

>>15864872
>What was your stupidest cooking mistake?
trusting Chef John

>>15868634
raggety adam stop being such a bitch

>>15868630
did he do two entire bulbs?

>Salted almost 70 bucks worth of ribeye and letting it set in oven a good while before tossing it on charcoal grill
>decide I want baked potatoes too
>set oven to preheat at 425 forgetting about the steaks in there
>7-8 minutes go by
>wow something sure smells great
>OH FUCK!!!!

They weren’t ruined but fuck was I mad at myself and felt like a shithead

>>15868018
TWU

>>15868784
>wow something sure smells great
>takes it out of the oven
>turns out ok
>embarrassed, mad, ashamed, feels like shithead
get help

>>15865251
Get raked, faggot

>>15864872
Nothing horrible but have had glassware out of the dishwasher that exploded when I put ice in it.
I've done it more than once is why I feel stupid about it.

I once got super fucking hammered, could barely see or stand, decided I wanted some good ol steak and potatoes. Potatoes were pretty good. Best damn steak I've ever fucking had. Damn I love getting wasted. Infact, I'm drinking right now

>>15868130
did you save the glass as a reminder of your piss poor dog training skills and how they've permanently affected your life? or do you need a >90 IQ to do that in the US?

>>15865050
Which show is that from?

>>15866722
He's not wrong you know.

>>15864872
Got near blackout drunk and decided that I wanted to make a pack of ramen. Added noodles and spice packet to bowl and put into microwave, set for 5 minutes, sat on my couch to keep drinking while it cooked and passed out. Woke up to the sound of the smoke detector and my kitchen on fire. I'd forgotten to add any water and it caught fire. And the microwave. And the wall behind it. And the cabinet above it. Thankfully the whole house didn't catch. And seriously thankful that I'd replaced the batteries in the smoke detector. And for the fire extinguisher.

>>15864872
Thanksgiving about ten years ago. Mom is down sick the morning of, so I volunteer take over the cooking duties - under her feverish instruction and supervision.
Most everything turned out okay - not bad, but not mom's cooking.
Except for the mashed potatoes.
Peeled and sliced them, but couldn't figure out why they were so fucking hard to mash. After half-an-hour, realized it was because I HAD NOT COOKED THEM. Ended up boiling them and mashing them, but it was too late. I tried mashing them in the pan I cooked them in, and that was mistake #2. Little gray flecks of teflon, or whatever the fuck coated the pan were breaking off and could be found all throughout the potatoes.
The day wasn't a total loss, but that shit was embarrassing. Luckily family understood the situation, and nobody said anything. Nobody ate any mashed potatoes either.

Overseasoned my food

Fucked up the only ramen I've ever attempted to make by pouring the powder into the boiling water with the noodles.

Used a plastic spatula to try and flip pancakes. Fucked up my spatula and my pan. I was only like 15 but still, taught me to stop being a fucking bitch about just f lipping the fucking pancakes. Also, to not use plastic fucking anything in regards to cookware.

I don't make huge mistakes often, but one time when I was still in college I made one memorable one. I went to college late rather than straight out of high school, and I was working full time with a full class schedule. Basically I got up at 6 and either worked or went to school for every hour of the day until roughly 10-11 PM every day for a couple of years. Wasn't fun. Normally I'd plan out some meals and stuff in advance or my wife would have something for me when I got home. In this case, it was neither. I got home late and hadn't eaten all day. Had a frozen pizza and popped that into the oven at midnight and sat down to watch some Star Trek TOS. Within about 20 seconds of sitting down I think I just fucking passed out asleep. I woke up maybe an hour or two later to the smoke detector going off, the kitchen full of smoke, my wife running down the stairs going WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING?

In the oven was a charred black disc. I was still hungry and I had work in like 4 hours.

>>15869068
Congrats if you finished. How old were you?

>>15868920
Selena + chef. She started a series during the Chinese sneeze where she uses a video feed to cook along with prestigious chefs. It actually isn't half bad, I recommend a watch.

>>15867756
Done this before.

>>15865292
>introducing oxygen into a hot fuel source
Learn the fire triangle you nigger

>>15866911
Like what..? Huh..

I almost got tricked into freezing my oil and throwing it in the trash. Realized my mistake, then poured the whole can (along with a bunch of aquarium sand I no longer needed) down the garbage disposal before I moved out. Not my problem!

I'm not gonna start a new thread and this is the closest we have to a QTDDTOT thread.

I have to roast a halm for Easter and all I have is my cast iron skillet. It's not a big ham, it'll fit in fine, but is this ill-advised? I'll be glazing the fucker with marmalade for about an hour.

>>15869169
You can get something from pyrex that'll fit everything you'll be roasting for $10-$20. I'm sure your pan will work, but why don't you have something bigger?

>>15869200
It's just all I have atm. I was at the shops today and it was packed with zombies fighting over all the lasts roasts on the shelves and all the roasting pans were gone. I used to have ceramic casserole dish but it got broken during my recent move. I just hate buying stuff that I won't really use so thought maybe I'd just make it work. I just worry about the marmalade burning into the iron and being a massive dickpain to clean up, and then of course the cast iron purists are often crapping on about how acidic things damage the iron and that it'll make the roast taste like metal. Idunno, I've never done this before

>>15864872
I've put things in the oven while drunk, forgetting to set a timer, turning it into to charcoal, making my entire apartment smell like fire, setting off the fire alarm, and having neighbors ringing my doorbell.

Yeah that was embarrassing. Took a couple of days to get rid of the smell.

>>15868634
?
What did you do then?

One day I just forgot how to crack an egg. Cracked it and just missed the bowl. Did it twice that day and have never done it since

>>15869228
Funny stRoy about that. Two of my friends shared an apartment in uni. Were pre-party drinking with a pizza in the oven. Ended up running super late and had to run out to meet their friends at the pub. Fuckers forgot the pizza was in the oven.

Literally burned out their apartment. Everything in it was black. The place was totalled, the people upstairs and one of their neighbors had to move out because those units were wrecked as well.

Obviously they had to move out. The fucking landlord let them move back in 6 months later when it was all renovated.

No lie, one night months later they were wasted out at the club. One of them went home alone, literally put a frozen pizza in the oven and passed-out drunk. The other friend got home drunk like an hour later having lost his keys. He stood outside in the alley looking up at the apartment watching smoke billow out the fucking windows. All he could was call the fire department.

No damage done the second time and everybody survived, but holy fuck their landlord must have learned a good lesson from that whole bullshit.

>>15868800
Dont be mean Anon, we all make mistakes and one of those mistakes is being too hard on ourselves

>>15868784
Did u partially bake and partially grill? Did the steaks have more or less moisture than grilling alone?

anyways i hope u can laugh it off now atleast.

>>15869058
Plastic and rubbery materials is good for non stick pans that u dont wanna damage. Or for parents with kids/ppl with roomates to not fuck up their nice pans with metal.

>>15866698
You mean
>I made spaghetti bolognese

>>15866704
>>15867176
I find it hard to cook all eggs evenly even with a lid. Maybe because my (rented aparment's) induction cooktop is shit and covers perhaps a half of the pan's surface.

>>15869228
Maybe that's how my neighbours produce that smell.

>Made a beautiful espresso-crusted steak with a red wine sauce
>Make a nice root veg medley
>Plate it up, got the plate in one hand, some garbage in the other
>Go to garbage can
>Dump plate
>Stand there for 30 seconds before realizing what I did
>Cry and order Pizza Hut

>>15869160
fucking unbelievably based

>>15869382
that's a sad story and I'm sorry for you loss etc but
>espresso-crusted steak
tell me more about this please

>>15868789
Foodhack me bro

>>15869389
>espresso crusted steak
sounds disgusting and unnecessary

>>15868377
It's an old photo. I'm in much worse shape now
>>15868018
dinner with papaw tonight. He made 12 burgers for all 6 grandkids and I'm the only one who showed. Love him

>>15869404
but maybe it isn't

>>15869413
no, espresso encrusted steak is stupid and unnecessary. faggot food.

>>15869389
>>15869404
It's pretty scrumdiddlyumptious. Coffee is just part of the spice mix (I don't remember it all offhand), you put it in a hot pan for 1-2 minutes or so each side until you get a nice crust, and finish it off in the oven until medium rare.

>>15869422
kys

>>15869425
okay

>>15864872
Similar thing to that, was heating something in a pan and needed a way to steam it, used a plastic cover and it wound up melting into the pan and onto the food.
Was pissed but was my own fault.

>>15867638
>Just an FYI to any newfags to cooking, you can't cook out the bad stuff once something went rotten or spoiled, the bacterial waste is the toxic stuff thag makes you sick, you can cook the shit out of the bacteria but the toxins remain.
good to know, thanks

>tried making macaroni and cheese from scratch
>made the sauce but forgot to cook the macaroni
>my dumbass thinks I can just cook it in the sauce
>mfw eating crunchy mac and cheese afterwards

>>15869419
but anon maybe it isn't

>>15864872
>What was your stupidest cooking mistake?
Letting my brother touch my fish dipping sauce during Christmas dinner.
Dude's a great cook usually but "add a little starch and wait for it to thicken" apparently didn't quite resonate with him right. Let's just say that pot only recently went back into circulation. Burnt starch + sugar = LMAO.

>>15869524
>fish dipping sauce
this has no right to exist anyway. p'haps he did you all a favor

>>15869529
>this has no right to exist anyway. p'haps he did you all a favor
What's wrong with crispy fish and a sweet & savoury sauce to go with it?

>>15864872

i had a pot with that red coating and i was boiling water and i forgot about it and melted the red shit off onto my burner. also one time forgot a pizza in the oven and only noticed the burning smell cuz i was smoking weed when it was on fire.

>>15869549
tattered sauce or sweet and sour sauce are the only acceptable choices

>>15869549
I'm interested in this recipe anon

>>15864872
Just dropping food on the floor after finishing it.

>>15869588
Can't find it rn. Didn't look at it since Christmas.
https://www.thespruceeats.com/baked-whole-fish-garlic-chili-sauce-3217567
https://bellyrumbles.com/thai-style-deep-fried-whole-fish/
This was the fish, give or take a couple things.
>>15869587
What's tattered sauce?

>>15867335
>>15868038
I can't tell if it's the handle breaking or slipping out of a potholder.

>>15864904
Sloppa complete!

>>15864980
wtf is a pyrex pan exactly? Is this another case of American marketing brain rotting people to call all cotton swabs and paper tissues, q-tips and kleenex?

>>15865050
Why didn't she just open the oven?
What in the fuck are those two peppers burning on top of the stove for?

>>15869890
Basically it’s just glass but it is a specific type of glass that is better for cooking with due to heat n sheit

>>15864872
they're all kinda small things from when I first begun cooking
but the one that's burned in my mind the most when I pickled some tomatos and added a ton of dried dill, some onion and garlic. The garlic turned very green (still edible) and the flavour of the tomato two weeks later was just so disgusting and it stuck for day or two. I think I put too much dill or fucked something up.

one of the first times making soup 'oh it needs to be less watery' and I accidently add a ton of starch straight from the packet while stirring. Left with all these white jelly globs in the soup.

cleaning the inside of the kitchen mixer while my other hands thumb is on the button (not pressed). I felt so retarded for a day could've losed my finger.

first time making chicken, cutting a couple of breasts open not knowing not to touch anything else while preparing it

making yoghurt pie and not using enough gelatine so it just melted

2-3 times adding too much soya and made my dish at border of inedible because of salt

made a salad one time and added sour cream, mayo in it and left it in the fridge for half an hour which left it all watery disgusting

not rincing rice

first pasta meal I made was watery

first carbonara tasted like raw eggs

adding too much oil to something

adding too much flavor extract to an ice cream

>>15869903

>>15869410
>It's an old photo. I'm in much worse shape now
please take better care of yourself.

>>15865326
Imagine the smell.

>>15864872
I once accidentally put an extra 0 when microwaving some soup, didnt realize it until 15 minutes later when.

>>15866607
what a bitch

>>15864872
i overcooked my kraft dinner and got so upset i knocked over my plate of poutine onto the floor.

>>15865831
~uwu~!

>tried to make swedish meatballs

>Got the meat all good

>Make the sauce

>I'm doing well so I combine the meat and the sauce

> I think I need some more salt

>Use the side where there is no circles on it so I get a big salty surprise

>>15869410
take care of your body buddy, its the only one you have in this world

>Christmas
>dinner is over and everyone's having coffee
>I guess I poured myself a cup of coffee but then forgot to drink it
>by the time I remember my coffee it's already gone cold
>think, oh, no big deal, I'll just zap it in the microwave for maybe 10 or 15 seconds
>this cup was a fancy, ceramic tea cup, with floral patterns on it
>ceramic is fine for the microwave, right?
>half a second in the microwave it starts sparking red and green and yellow
>instantly shut it off thinking what the fuck why is my coffee turning into a roman candle
>turns out the floral patterns, which I thought were painted on, were bordered with inlaid metals
pic somewhat related, except this one very obviously has metal on it. So the lesson here is: don't put grandma's fancy china in the microwave.

>>15869124
Yeah I finished, that was maybe when I was 24...? I didn't go to school 18-21, then after I met my wife I realized that if I wanted a better paying job and family and all of those thing which I did want that I should probably go to college, so I went from age 22-26. The positive was I graduated without any debt but the negative was that it really wasn't a pleasant schedule. Still, it all led to a pretty good job/career path and I'm making six figures now working much better hours and everything.

>>15868018
what in the flying actual fuck? A heart attack is guaranteed to happen to that fucknugget

>>15870382
Trust and believe

>>15865251
This smells of leaf

>>15865310
>She went to a restaurat for fucking eating instead of helping me.
I mean, based.

Glad you were ok tho.

>>15867330

>>cooking shirtless
>Why.
You gotta feel the heat

>>15864872
Used lemon extract in peanut butter cookies once, they tasted like poison.

>>15864872
For some stupid reason I decided I to try to do a home distillation of blueberry juice to remove the water. So I mashed and strained a large amount of blueberries and put the juice in a saucepan. I put that saucepan in a large soup pot and put in the stove. Put the lid on the pot and cranked the stove to maximum and went to watch TV. After a while I heard some hissing noises so I thought it was working fine. After half an hour I went to check on my contraption and found that everything was burnt. Both the saucepan and the pot were a loss and my mom almost killed me.

>>15864989
Just don't be timid. You have to be quick.

>>15870504
That is most definitely what's up

>>15864872
Not becoming a vegan sooner

>>15870573
hahaha what the fuck were you expecting there

>>15869038
That's how I do it even if it's not meant to be a soup. I add just enough water and by the end there's only a tiny bit left.

>>15866607
How many times have you told this story?

>>15864872
I was making a kind of bechemel sauce. I'd brought it to heat and was planning to leave it until later with the lid on before I cooked it in to the rest of the dish.
Instead of turning the gas off, I turned it to low, then went out to visit my parents for a couple of hours.
House was full of smoke when I got came home and the bottom the pan was just a couple of inches of incinerated gunk. I liked the pan though, so after a lot of work scrubbing and a few months just using it to boil eggs it was mostly ok to use.

>>15869721
Looks like the handle breaking. It's IKEA cookware so the handle is likely:

1: weak, molded plastic without a full metal handle
or
2: metal handle held on with a single rivet or tack weld

Either way it's something that you shouldn't be trying to do cooking tricks with.

>>15864872
I don't makje mistakes.

>>15871165
Ahhh.... FUCK!

>>15870196
fag...

I tried to deep fry some popcorn when I was a kid, but the pan was nowhere deep enough and the oil way too hot so it just spat up a shit ton of hot oil everywhere. I guess you can do it correctly, still seems stupid though.

>>15870196
Ok, I just came to this so don't reveal your gender please.

>>15864872
Just last week I wanted to make some ramen in the microwave
>hmm it likes to boil over the sides of the bowl
>I could put a plate under the bowl but I don't feel like cleaning it after, I want something disposable
>I could put paper towels under but they'll get soaked through and still leave residue on the microwave platter
>I know, I'll put paper towels under, and under that I'll put aluminum foil, because that's waterproof
>I am a genius oh no.jpg
Fortunately the funny noises let me react quickly enough to put out the flames and there was only minor damage to the microwave

>decide to shake up my jar of spaghetti sauce since some water settled on top
>forgot I already loosened the lid a few minutes before
>3 hours later I'm still cleaning red sauce off the walls and ceiling


>put a veggie burger in the microwave for 4 minutes instead of 2 minutes because of shitty instructions
>entire apartment smells like a dumpster fire for 3 days for some reason


>make an entire cake in a pan that is far too shallow
>sludge in the middle; throw it back in the oven
>still sludge in the middle, now burnt on the outside too
>entire thing in the trash

>>15869897
>peppers burning
you can char the outside, seal them in a paperbag or some container for a few minutes to steam, then the skin can be easily peeled off.

>>15864964
>that immediate retard soi face
Disgusting

>>15869160
lmao

>>15869160
not nice for the next rentcuck moving in. i had to deal with some fags dog hair inside the bathroom sink after he moved out. his name was cody, i even open his mail whenever i get them in my box

>>15871966
It’s almost like people who aren’t you do a thing called “laughing” in which the jaw typically extends.

>>15869205
It won't hurt the pan, worse case you have to reseason it. Also, find a thrift store for cheap cookware.

>>15872231
>putting your mouth near anything you find at a thrift store
nigga that shit comes from crazy cat lady homes and murder houses and shit

>>15871966
>every open-mouth facial expression is a soy face
He is laughing (at his mistake). There are actual autists right fucking now putting your face reading skills to shame, maybe you should leave this place for a while, and maybe reconsider ever coming back.

>>15864872
i dont want to talk about it.
i almost died.

>>15872213
and what have you learned about Cody over the years?

>>15869426
Don't listen to that guy. Keep living for a while longer.

>>15872378
mail about his dog, medical, and letters from the police

>>15872653
My sister is a pretty good kisser, actually.

>>15867379
it's good you acknowledge your past of being a retard. that's how we grow. good for you anon

>>15865031
This wasn't even a mistake the handle wasn't his fault

>>15870196
post discord

>>15865251
>he can't cook while drunk
you're not a cook

>>15873044
>using a cheap pan
It was his fault

>>15868914
Who saves broken glass that's some hoader shit

>>15864872
mixed up sugar and salt when making cake

>>15868630
My mother and my roommate have both done this.

>cooking while drunk
>brown rice on the stove
>set the timer on the microwave for 40 minutes
>go outside, smoke a cigarette, water plants
>come inside 20 minutes later
>realize I hadn't set the timer on the microwave, but instead set it to cook for 40 minutes
>turn off microwave, it's hot to the touch
>open the door on it to help it cool down
>didn't work, microwave was fried. Never worked again
Rice turned out ok tho

>>15869205
>>15869169
Just put some foil on the bottom.

>>15871728
I don't know why, but veggie burgers always smell like absolute dogshit. I had to make them at my last job occasionally and they always made the entire kitchen reek for hours. Fuck the people that order veggie burgers

>>15873516
>tfw not even foil

I just moved house from out of state, I don't have a lot of stuff to get started Shops are all closed today as well. I was worried maybe the foil would stick to the ham with the glaze, but probably not. Especially if I get decent quality foil

>>15869169
>>15869205
It'll be fine anon. I wouldn't worry about it at all. I am a cast iron guy too, I use my cast iron skillet for everything. Just put the ham in the pan and cook it.

>>15864980
Your mom wasn't exactly wrong. If you ask an old person whether Pyrex is safe on the stovetop, they'll tell you it is- and it was, 40 years ago. It isn't anymore. Pyrex USED to be made of borosilicate glass which could deal with a direct flame to some extent(still wasn't advised.) Modern pyrex is made of soda lime glass which can't take it even a little bit.

>>15873567
you should be fine, anything that bakes on can be unstuck one way or the other. especially if you've been using your skillet and it's not just brand new seasoning
>>15873558
I've never had the Textured Vegetable Protein style veggieburgers, impossible whopper or anything. I'd believe they're total frankenfood. I like food that is the food, you know? blackbean patties actually aren't that bad, because it's just beans and beans are great. there's better options.

The first time I made spaghetti on a gas stovetop. I'm used to electric stoves so I didn't even think about how the spaghetti hanging over the edge of the pot would ignite from being over an open flame.

>>15872231
I found this exact pan in a dumpster behind one of my buildings. it wasn't in horrible condition but seeing as it was a dumpsterpick anyway I figured I might as well resurface it. hand-sanded it real well, real elbowgrease. soaked it in vinegar and more abrasive, washed it deep a whole bunch and then spent like a whole weekend day around the house seasoning it deep and fresh from the ground up. I love the pan, I've used it so much for everything, took care of it so well. it's the most classic in my cast-iron collection.

>Cook chips in a pot of oil
>When I'm done put it in the sink and turn on the cold tap
Never did that again

>>15865251
>cooking sober
Retard

>>15865444
I made Japanese souffle cake for the first time a few weeks ago and it turned out fine, you just have to follow the recipe and for the love of god, poke it to make sure it's cooked before taking it out

>>15873805
Why would you cook chips?
Just eat them out of the bag.

>>15864872
I was making raspberry flavored pastry cream and thought it'd be a good idea to add the raspberry sauce to the milk before whisking it all into the eggs. For more homogenity.
Basically just ended up making raspberry flavored ricotta.

>>15864872
You clown haha

>>15869512
Something like that happened with my mother and brother deciding to make mac and cheese without looking up how to do it or asking me.
Ended up just making a milk and separated greasy cheese slop with dried out noodles because they never actually made a roux sauce or anything.

>>15873579
yeah I'm just gonna go for it. thanks anon

>>15867320
I hope you wrote a complaint to the company. I cannot STAND IT when companies put labels/stickers where they not only DON'T BELONG, but in paces that actively impede the performance of the product (like in your case).

>>15865522
If you stir-fry dry rice and then cook it, you get a wonderful flavor and a rich aroma.

>>15867931
>flip it all dramatic like that
why the fuck flip it at all. skin side down and baste a bit like someone who doesn't suck penis

>>15869890
Pyrex is a durable, shock resistant glass commonly used in bakeware and space shuttle windows.

>>15874135
You're thinking of crisps mate, chips are what you would call 'french fries'.

>>15869389
>>espresso-crusted steak
>tell me more about this please
you can probably get some good results searching for "cowboy" steak spices or whatever. It's an actual old cowboy trick from when all they had on them was coffee to use for seasoning.

>>15874678
Nah, wrong. The inventor gets to name them, and they were named in North America. Besides, fries look nothing like any other object called chips, whereas chips actually somewhat resemble wood or metal chips. Crisps is just literal fag talk. Europe is a fucking shithole and I'm glad I don't live there

>>15874701

get fucked retard

Not cooking, but once I was really hungover and decided to have a bowl of cereal. For some reason I accidentally poured in salt and vinegar chips, instead.

>>15874700
Sounds good tho, I'm a big fan of raw chocolate and coffee as a seasoning. It's underrated because they're always associated with sweetness and decadence, but they don't have to be

>>15871966
dumb fuck tourist

>>15875050
>E. Warren
Fucking hell. Just how old is she?

>>15871585
you're a faggot

>>15867560
I can't imagine being this dumb

>>15869292
how about wood negroid

>>15864872

i tried to make a baked potato by throwing a raw potato with cheese on top in the microwave. the potato wasnt cooking so i just kept putting it in for longer until the cheese was black. the potato was still raw

also i was reheating some kfc in the back room of a retail store i worked at and accidentally put it in for 40 mins instead of 40 seconds. i got busy with some customers and forgot about it until i noticed a weird smell. when i opened up the back room smoke flooded out and i had to shut the store for a while. it was a clothing store too so everything stank like burning plastic. no one apart from some confused customers ever found out as i was working alone

>>15871585
female (male)

>>15868018
TWU toobz

>>15869617
>What's tattered sauce?

Typoed tartar sauce, I assume.

>>15864872
when I first moved off campus and had to start cooking for myself I assumed that when a recipe called for "1 clove" of garlic it meant like the whole bulb. I learned I was wrong but continue to cook like that.

One day, I was baking something, but I don't remember what it was. However, I do remember I put my knife with a plastic handle in there for a good while. Luckily, the handle did not melt. There wasn't even a sign that it was in the process of melting.

>>15872281
And? It's a hunk of iron with a handle. If you're that worried just deep clean the thing and reseason it.

>>15869410
>dinner with papaw tonight. He made 12 burgers for all 6 grandkids and I'm the only one who showed. Love him
criminally under rated

>>15872281
When you go to a restaurant, do you bring your own plate and cutlery?

>>15872281
i always donate my shit to the thrift store and i'd be surprised if you make half of what i do

Making a glaze sauce for roast pork, and it was starting to bubble a little. I swear to christ I only looked away for 30 seconds, and the next thing I know, that shit had bubbled out of the pan and all over the burner, making a nice sticky/burnt sugar crust all over it. Taught me to not be lazy and use a larger saucepan than I need when making sauces.

>>15864904
Only a woman would make this mistake. You could see the plate move before she flipped it, then she just kept flipping it as it poured out.

>>15864872
Just looking at how dirty everything is in this picture is enough for me to know that, while dumb, this was absolutely not the stupidest cooking mistake you have made.

>>15876726
Yes

>>15865031
I just want to point out that really the problem is nothing he did, the fucking handle on that cheap ass pan broke off.

>>15871585

>being insecure about jerking off to something hot.

Thats a hot body regardless of gender.

>mom is cooking with 2 burners
>finishes using one burner, forgets to turn it off
>the handle of the other pan is directly over the burner
>melted handle
I have no idea how she forgot it. It was a fucking gas stove.

>>15869890
>cotton swabs and paper tissues, q-tips and kleenex?
imagine not knowing what a brand name is
pyrex is just borosilicate glass, a extremely high heat glass that be used in ovens and is break resistant because how is kiln cooled to melt out the imperfections the cause stress

prepping for a stew, I had olive oil heating up in a dutch oven, thought I had time to dice my onions before it got too hot. I didn't. Giant 1 meter high flame coming out of my pot. I was panicking because I couldn't find the fucking lid. I eventually did but not before the apartment was filled with smoke.
That day I learned that burned cooking oil takes forever to scrub off.

>>15866868
this one?there is a second one also

Was really young and mum rang me before she got home from work wanting me to start dinner. She wanted me to cook some hot chips. I was wondering why it wasnt working. Dumb shit me used water in the pot instead of oil. Was pretty funny

>>15869595
go to the doctor bro that be a good sign, it shouldn't be that quick

>>15877477
Thanks lad, have a cold one on me.

>>15873805
so did your eyebrows ever grow back after that or what?

I was a kid and was trying to make myself a fancy spaghetti dish for dinner (I was kind of a latchkey kid).

My mom had a Giada cookbook, and I swear to god the damn cookbook told me to sauté garlic in like half a cup of olive oil, then add the pasta cooking water directly to the oil. The obvious ensues, the spray aersolizes oil all over the kitchen at the exact moment my mom walked in. She flipped it, said I ruined all the cabinets and the cooktop and everything (we had a fancy kitchen but she never cooked anything in it but eggs on the stove, steamed vegetables, and baked pork tenderloin).

Honestly it wasn't that big of a deal, but I was so fucking pissed at Giada and I'm convinced to this day it was a shitty recipe that wasn't properly written/tested, and I wish I could get my hands on that cookbook to prove it and ram it up her ass.

>>15865326
did he grill his toaster?

>>15866607
wow you're so mature for your age hahaha do you have a discord

>>15869410
You seem like a solid guy. Try to take better care of yourself.

My biggest cooking fuckup? Starting to cook.

>>15877704
This is some of the coolest and weirdest shit I've ever seen on the Internet.

>>15877704
sick loot drops

>>15864904
Women have been out of the kitchen for too long

left a pot of oil on the stove while I got stoned and it caught on fire. I tipped it down the sink and burnt the curtains and wall

>>15878179
Nice blog faggot, post more Giada

>have excess miller high life
>read about Guinness stew
>high life should work just as well
>get call from friend to come over to help move something
>sure let me just put this one bottle of high life into the slow cooker with some chicken and veg
>hm the liquid barely covers it. better put another in.
>hm. three more should do.
>there covered
>come back home 2 hours later
>air thick with boiling yeast fumes
>entire place reeks of hot beer
>friend also came over to try what they assumed was gourmet recipe
>each quietly ate our horrible boiled beer chicken and vegetables thinking this was gourmet

and that's why from now on if I ever have inspiration I fucking double check to make sure it can be done

>>15864872
First visiting /ck/
None of you cunts can cook here.

>>15865282
You'll never have to worry about women, homo.

>>15868018
that goth badboy who holds his burgers like an apple smells good

>>15879317
>>15879334
>>15879361
I want to suck her cock so badly bros

>>15866722
Ohhhhhh, fatty hasn't got anything to complain about!!!!!

>>15867038
I honestly would have lost a finger or burnt my house down by now if it wasn't for vyvanse. Stay safe hyperbro

>>15877704
IRL looting kek, that's fuckin great

>>15864872
>work at fancy hotel as pastry chef
>make batch of choccy chip cookies
>just follow recipe in my head, had it written down
>fuck up recipe and cookies come out funny looking and darker
>cookies are crunchy on the outside but really smooth and chocolatey on the inside
>just roll with it because I think it should be okay
>fast forward next day when cookie jars are filled, and we send jars to the fancy rooms
>jars come flying back faster than usual
>Customers love the cookies and are the best they've ever had, according to the service girls
>front desk girls pocket tons of my cookies and send them home, everyone wonders how I did it.
>I didn't pay attention to anything I did different, temp of the oven or anything.
>Never replicated the recipe the same
I think if I just wrote the shit down, I could have had my own cookie business.

>>15867560
There is no chance you will live to see 50. Have fun while you can anon!

>>15864963
uh-huh...

>>15869205
you could go to a dollar store and get 2(two) aluminum roasting pans for $2. You really do want that 2rd pan too.
the other suggestions a good too:
Salvation army/Goodwill=excellent chance a good used cookware
Aluminum lined cast iron=totally fine, but may be unwieldy
Cast iron with a light fresh oil coat =probably will be ok, but the combo of salt/nitrates and citrus may induce pitting.
Voilà

>>15869253
I laughed, funny egg story

>>15876726

>>15869384
Making random people's lives who you will never see harder is cringe and degenerate behavior

>>15879819
I didn't laugh. There's too many niggers in the world to laugh at anything.